What was it about the state of order that invoked such feelings of dependency and attachment? She had read in a book that it was unusual for ordinary people to seek adventurous fun through chaotic mediums. It was human nature; people were wired to do whatever they damn well pleased because they had free will. It was a choice, and she wasn’t any different. In order for there to be true harmony, a balance between scales of order and chaos needed to be reached.
Celeste tips the glass of water to her mouth and swallows one of her prescription anxiety pills. It was just after two in the morning, and she couldn’t sleep. To make matters worse this one of the few times she ever got to spend at the house.
She turns to see her husband still asleep on their king sized bed. She was grateful during times like this, when everything just felt so empty, to have him around. She turns the knob on the sink and splashes cold water onto her face.
‘What is going on with me lately? I just feel so hollow… and the anxiety… I feel like a giant weight has been pushing down on me ever since I returned to WZCW. I feel like something in my head has just been pounding to get loose… and I’m afraid… of going back to the way I was.’
Their six bedroom three level estate in upscale Sacramento really wasn’t helping; there were times when she felt lost inside of the grandeur of her own home, while at the same time feeling claustrophobic inside of her own skin.
The person that she was before… she wasn’t just a monster inside of the wresting ring; she and Laxus had separated because she had felt that money was more important than loving him. One of the things that had rarely been disclosed was the fact that she had one of the most lucrative contracts out of anyone on the roster during her tenureship with the company 2009. She was only supposed to make one pay per view appearance, but Chuck Myles had talked her into staying longer. The result was a part time contract with pay just as high as the WZCW Champion at the time. Many other superstars on the roster were not happy with this and began to resent her. She was also well known for her bad attitude backstage, and for working stiff. She was even known to shoot on her opponents if they legitimately pissed her off.
And lately that crushing doubt was beginning to weigh heavily on her shoulders. To think after all that she had been through she had been reduced to asking for help… it was something that she wasn’t used to doing. She had always done things by herself, on her own terms, and for herself. She began to doubt herself… maybe she wasn’t being sincere enough? Maybe it was the fame she wanted as the person who ridded the company of Ty Burna… or maybe she was jealous that Ty had accomplished what she had always wanted… to rule over everyone and watch them grovel at her feet!
No! No! No! She was a changed woman, she was sure of it!
She turns off the light in her bathroom and slowly makes her way down the hall and into her son’s room. She stops by the doorway, and lays her hand on the frame; the little boy was still sleeping soundly. She smiles, Nero had been such a handful when he was younger. Being a mother was the best time in her life; there was never a dull moment whenever she was around him. And that made her so happy, all of the dark clouds over her head and the pressures of doubt would simply disappear… she felt so at peace.
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The next morning Celeste finds herself on a plane headed to the location of the next show. She slept most of the way; it was a short, but deep rejuvenating sleep that was really what she needed. At the airport she quickly fills out the paperwork and leaves behind the wheel of a rented sedan.
‘Sometimes I wish that the rent-a-cars were complementary,’ she thinks to herself as she drives downtown.
She was never a deeply religious person, but there was one place that she could go. Years ago Mei Mei had taught her how to meditate; she read one Buddhist book and went to one mediation service, but other than that she wasn’t a practitioner. The only reason why she was going to the temple was so that she could meditate around others… having company really helped her focus. She found that she could no longer do so alone.
Minutes later she pulls into the small parking lot of the small temple, she steps out of the car and walks up to the double oak doors. There weren’t many people inside, she enters the quiet area and sits down near the back of the room. She sits cross legged with her right leg folded over her left; she closes her eyes and begins to listen to rising and falling of her abdomen as she breathes in and out…
Rising…
Falling…
Rising…
Falling…
After five minutes her mind begins to clear, and she can see into subconscious. It was a giant white room with walls that seemed to stretch on and on endlessly. Turning to the right she can see a swirling golden hole opening up, and on her left she can see a black hole. She quickly realizes that both of these holes were doorways into other parts of her psyche. She stands, walks over to the golden hole, and jumps in. She’s immediately greeted by the warm nostalgic feeling of harmony, the same one she experiences whenever she looks at her son; however, she can see the black hole bleeding in through the walls. It was caused by the doubt she had within her heart…
She opens her eyes and looks around; she was back inside of the prayer room of the temple. She gets into a kneeling position and turns towards the statue of the Buddha Shakyamuni and bows. She stands and exists the room.
As she’s walking out she’s approached by a tall young man with long hair dressed in fuchsia colored robes.
“You’re Celeste Crimson, aren’t you?”
She looks confused,
“I am… er, do I know you? You look familiar.”
The man laughs and bows slightly,
“I would hope so; my name is Hunter Jackson. I guess you could call us coworkers.”
Like her, Jackson was simply traveling from temple to temple to practice whenever WZCW moved from city to city.
“You must be one of the new guys; most of them I haven’t gotten to meet yet.”
“Strange, I thought I was the only Buddhist in the company,” he says in mild surprise.
“I’m not really… I have a friend that is; she’s the one that taught me how to meditate. I’m just here because I can’t really concentrate when I’m alone.”
Jackson looks thoughtful,
“Buddhism isn’t just about developing and listening with an empty mind; it’s also about listening to your core.”
“I’ve listened to my core, and all its done is brought me doubt.”
“You doubt yourself?”
“In a way, yes; I thought developing a compassionate heart was enough.”
Jackson thinks to himself for a moment,
“Are you familiar with the study of sutras?”
Celeste nods,
“Somewhat…”
“Developing a compassionate heart is as easy as feeling love and joy, but freeing oneself from the chains of doubt is a bit harder.”
“What do you suppose that I do?”
Even though Jackson was primarily a Zen Buddhist, he was well versed in many other Buddhist schools and teachings.
“Buddha Amitabha created a sutra which allowed him to look into his being and unite the yin and yang of his core which allowed his compassionate heart to open.”
“Sounds interesting, if I were to learn how to do this could I separate myself from my doubt?”
“Buddha Amitabha created a concept of a Pure Land were mediation could be practiced without restraint,” he explains.
“When you meditate, I want you chant ‘Namo Amitofu,’ doing so with an empty mind will grant you access to Amitabha’s mindfulness. That will allow you to see your true self.”
“My true self?”
“In order to develop a truly compassionate heart, you need to acknowledge and unite the light and dark sides; only then can you separate yourself from your doubt.”
“I think that I will,” she says as she bows to the man.
“Thank you for your advice Hunter, and if we meet in the ring in the future I will do my best to give you a good contest.”
“As will I,” says Jackson.
Celeste turns and makes her way out of the temple, with a newfound determination in her eyes.
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The last rays of the sun began to slowly disappear across the horizon. It was a cool spring evening; a bit chilly for this time of year. The light breeze was making things a little uncomfortable; however, there were more important things than worrying about the weather.
A middle aged blond woman stands bent in front of a window of a green taxi. She was wearing a modest looking white blouse with black slacks. She absentmindedly stamps one of her heels against the ground as she hands the cabbie his fare.
She turns and walks towards the entrance of the looming arena. She runs a hand through her long locks and brushes the bangs out her eyes. She glances at the watch on her left wrist…
‘I’ve still got some time.’
She liked the arena from the previous show; the interviews were held on the top level of the arena in a suite with lots of natural sunlight coming in from the windows. According to the directions, the interviews were going to be held on the first floor again; dark rooms with artificial lighting were so dreary to her. Lately she had been feeling like the shadows had been closing in around her… it was her fear of the unknown and not being able to fully trust all of her allies… could she put her trust in them to help her accomplish her goals? Was their conviction as great as hers? Did they trust her to be genuine? Lately she was beginning to doubt if she could trust herself to be genuine…
… Even so there was one person that she could trust to have her back.
She turns down the main corridor and into the production room. As always there were people bustling about everywhere. It was amazing to her that the entire company could simply pack up and move from city to city each week, only to magically unfold at every arena. She makes her way to the interview room; her appointment was already waiting for her.
“Celeste! Right on time as usual.”
“Leon, it’s good to see you again.”
She greets the man with smile and shakes his hand. She follows him into the room; she turns to find Stacy Madison there as well. She greets Celeste with a rare smile. Her involvement with the Apostles of Chaos had become more than just a war between chaos and order; she now carried the hopes of the two female interviewers for better working conditions.
Celeste pulls back the backdrop and comes face to face with the one person she knew had her back during these trying times… the WZCW world champion, Steven Kurtesy…
He stands and greets her with extended hand,
“I’m glad you could make it, partner.”
Celeste raises an eyebrow as she takes the offered appendage,
“I wasn’t aware that this was going to be a duel interview.”
“Is there a problem?”
Leon summons another chair, as Celeste takes a seat beside the world champion…
“Not at all; in fact I think it’s better this way. It brings our alliance full circle don’t you think?”
Kurtesy nods in agreement. Stacey joins Leon as the two begin to set up the cameras. The two superstars seated on one side, with the interviewers on the other; a short coffee table was centered between them in the middle. The cameraman gives the green light, as both parties get ready. Leon and Stacy both prepare to speak into the camera…
“Hello all you WZCW fans, I’m Leon Kensworth here with my partner Stacy Madison…”
“… and we’d like to welcome all of you to a special duel interview with the world champion Steven Kurtsey, and his tag team partner for next week’s huge main event, the Queen of the Cosmos, Celeste Crimson.”
“Thanks for the warm welcome you two,” says Celeste.
“Let me say a bit about the interview,” says Leon.
“We’ll be asking each of you a round of questions; we’ll start with you Celeste.”
She nods, as Stacy swiftly interrupts her co-anchor, much to his chagrin…
“You are coming off of a huge victory last week against Mr. Baller, and the rest of your WZCW teammates for the match Kingdom Come were named as well…”
“That’s right,” says Leon cutting in. Stacy’s mouth hangs open in shock for half a second before she starts to stare daggers at the man.
“Titus, Everest, and Gordito were all named last week as the members of Team WZCW. What are your thoughts on your future teammates?”
“I-I think that all of them are great guys. Truly this must be a dream team of some sorts…”
The truth was she was feeling rather adamant about her teammates; she wasn’t so much worried about being able to trust them, she was worried that they wouldn’t be able to trust her… that kind of paranoia was slowly beginning to eat away at her.
“…All of us have had our fair share of troubles with the Apostles and Ty Burna over the past few months; it would make sense to pair us all together. Our desire to get rid of them all will be our uniting force.”
She begins to speak with valor,
“All of us know what’s at stake at Kingdom Come, and none of us are prepared to lose.”
Steven Kurtesy looks on, nodding occasionally as Celeste continues to speak. Stacey interjects with another question…
“What a wonderful sentiment; which brings us to the present. This week you have a tag team match against Ty Burna and Chris KO… and your partner will be the world champion Steven Kurtesy. What are your thoughts on this?”
“I think this is a great opportunity to show both of them what we’re capable of. I’ve got allot on the line this week, Steven has allot on the line this week and neither of us can afford to lose. I’ve faced Ty once before, and I admit that I was outmatched, but this time I have someone watching my back.”
She turns and shoots a look at Kurtesy, who nods in agreement…
“I’m not worried about Chris at all. I had him defeated in our last contest, if anything he should be worried about me…”
Stacey suddenly stifles a laugh, as Celeste shoots her a weird look. Chris’s recent infatuation with the busty blond warrior had gone totally unnoticed by her… she had no idea that she had nearly inadvertently broken up the Apostles by causing Chris to doubt his master. Kurtesy looks on with an amused look on his face.
“... I have proven myself to be a formidable foe to Ty Burna and his empire… and at Kingdom Come his Apostles will have no chance against my fury, because it is my desire and will which fuels the fires that cleanse the chaos. Burna will learn that there are no shadows that can hide from my light.”
Celeste finishes as Stacey and Leon slowly transition the interview over to the world champion…
Celeste looks on as Steven begins to answer the different questions thrown at him. She continues to smile as to put on a façade, to mask the doubt that was slowly beginning to form in the back of her psyche once again.