MD34 - Teach N' Kurtesy vs. Heavy Artillery

[Phoenix]

Despite coming up short against Second Coming, Heavy Artillery have a chance to face the Tag Team Champions in a non-title match this week. Will the Champions put their opponents dream of Tag Team dominance to rest or will the big guns of Karzai and Jordan pull a "Teach" on their gold wearing opponents?

Deadline is Monday 4th January 2010 23:59 EST

 

[Viola Moonlight]

The elevator door opens to reveal Stacey Madison, looking at her watch. When the gap is wide enough, she quickly proceeds out and through the waiting room to the front desk, where Sandy Deserts is sitting in a cross-legged position talking with a small child while a well-dressed woman is working promptly at reception. Deserts sees the approaching Madison and gets to her feet.

Deserts: Good afternoon Stace, what are you doing here?

Madison: I've been ordered to get an interview with Kurtesy again. Why do you still hang around here?

Deserts: I'm babysitting today.

Madison: How are you even considered to be a suitable sitter? Do you realise that the criteria does not involve literally sitting with the kid?

Receptionist: I would trust Sandy with my life... she and Kurtesy saved mine. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be able to take care of young Brandon here.

Deserts: I'm sure you remember Caitlan from last time, right?

Caitlan: Please to meet you Ms. Madison.

Caitlan gets up and extends her hand to Stacey. Madison stares at the hand for a few seconds before turning her head away in disinterest, looking at her watch.

Madison: Charmed... where is Kurtesy? I have an important outing tonight and I need to look my best.

Deserts: Of course... a lady needs time to get herself looking great, and you'll need all the time you can get. Let's make haste then.

Deserts walks off and waves at Madison to follow. Stacey glares at Deserts about the previous comment, then fixes her focus on Caitlan still with an extended hand. Caitlan clears her throat, retracts her arm away and makes herself comfortable again in her chair to get back to work.

Caitlan: It was, err... nice to meet you Ms. Madison.

Stacey turns her head to Deserts, who is eagerly waiting for her to follow. Madison eventually obliges and walks behind Sandy at a fair distance. They walk down a couple of hallways before reaching Steven Kurtesy, who is on his cell phone. As they approach, the conversation can be heard.

Kurtesy: ... I know we have got Second Coming at Kingdom Come, I was there with you at the post-match celebration... no, I'm not worrying about them now.

... Don't you remember? We decided to ditch our chances of gaining a K fad spot so we could focus on our tag team titles because we had bigger fish to fry! We are the representing tag team of the division, we can't let the people down... Yes, I'm not worrying about Second Coming. Seems to me like... hold on one sec Teach.

Hey Stace. Sandy, can you talk to Teach and keep him on the line? Knowing him, his boredom will put him off answering another one of my calls.

Deserts: Sure thing... HEY TEACH! It's Sandy! Whats doing...

Deserts disappears around the corner with the phone, still talking to Teach.

Kurtesy: He is never going to forgive me for that. So Madi, what can I do for you?

Madison: Hey, we made an agreement... the only nickname you can call me is Stace.

Kurtesy: Alright sure. Let's get this interview over and done with, my break finishes in five.

Madison: Hopefully you know this week who your opponents are for this week's Meltdown right?

Kurtesy: Trust me Stace, I'm a doctor. I don't forget people that I have dealt with before because I know that I will be facing them sometime in the future. No-one forgets after what happened on Ascension a couple of weeks ago.

Madison: When you blatantly attacked Jordan Lights from behind, laying him out after he was exhausted. Yeah, I didn't forget. Neither has Lights, who is ready to extract some revenge. Not to mention Heavy Artillery needing to avenge their loss against Second Coming last week. It seems like you are the main focus of the match with a target on your back. Given your inexperience here in WZCW and still yet to prove many why you deserve to even have a contract, is there any explanation as to how I should believe that you won't be left with a big L on your scoresheet?

Kurtesy: I have said it before and I will say it again. Management decided to make me bypass the whole developmental thing because they have faith in me. So did William Teach as he chose me to be his partner. With the green light by Bateman and Myles, what happens? I proved myself that I was something more than a filling man.

Madison: Proved yourself? You bailed on your match last week. That is not good kosher in WZCW. As for the filling man, you said it yourself... Teach picked you as a replacement so he could use you to tag in if he needed a rest and make you sustain all the punishment.

Kurtesy: Last week needed to be done, for the sake of the team and the championship belts. As for being a worthless champion, that's what this match with Heavy Artillery is going to disprove. You see, Lights and Karzai are two new acquisitions in the locker room who are hungry and are determined to make it big, just like everyone went through on the roster. They want to make a statement, and they need to leave their mark. But I see a flaw in their plans... they basically debuted in the company as a tag team, forming an alliance because they knew all well that they did not cut it as solo competitors. Both men compliment each other in the ring and have quickly understood how they work as a cohesive unit. However, because of the lack of experience in being said solo stars, they have yet to realise what their weaknesses are as individuals. This will act as their achilles heel.

Madison: Surely by forming a team you would understand each other more than the back of your own hand. This includes knowing individual weaknesses.

Kurtesy: Logic would dictate this yes... but I'm a master of the game when it comes to psychology. No-one on this roster can be beat me at my own game, not even Max Karzai. When I reffed Heavy Artillery's first tag team match, I noticed something. These guys can't work when they have been separated, they seem a little lost when it comes to being individual competitors.

Madison: Logic would dictate that you are in the same boat as Heavy Artillery, would it not?

Kurtesy: But the key that lies in our team is William Teach. The man started off flying solo and has yet to gain a loss in that department, if you disclude the Lethal Lottery and last week's encounter. He knows what it takes to survive in their alone. He acts as my mentor, schooling me on the fine points of wrestling where he can. He has shown me the way on how to conduct myself in the ring, which is the reason why we won the championships in the first place. Heavy Artillery will be a test of our skills, but there will be no F on the gradings by any means for Teach 'n' Kurtesy.

Madison: So, what would be the strategy to avoid flunking your match?

Kurtesy: Me and Teach will do what we do best, and that's go out there and give it our all whilst entertaining the fans. Speaking of what I have planned specifically, I am going after Jordan Lights. I made a statement when I took him for the ride and delivered the Shock Method, and I intend to add the exclamation point. I am not backing down, because I am a fighting champion. Lights is the one who will be needing to come up with a strategy when he and I clash heads. I'm well-versed in submissions, something Lights has trouble dealing with. All it takes is for him to make one simple mistake or take one second longer for me to apply Kommon Kurtesy, even if I am laying on my back on the canvas, and it's... shall we say... Light's Out for Jordan. And we shall see how exactly that makes him feel.

As for Karzai, rock superstars eventually need to visit a psychologist, one way or another.

Suddenly, with great timing, Deserts comes back with cellphone in hand. She hands it back to Kurtesy closed.

Deserts: Sorry, he hung up on me.

Kurtesy: Damn, I will try again later...

Deserts exits down the hallway.

Kurtesy: Well Stace, I got to get back to work. Thanks for your time again, I appreciate it. Now, if you could do me one last favour and tell Caitlan out there to send in my 3pm appointment in my office as I will be waiting... oh no worries, it seems like she already has.

Sebastian Copeland walks past Stacey Madison and greets Steven. Kurtesy puts his arm over Copeland and they proceed to the office door.

Kurtesy: Jack Cohen getting to you again?

Copeland nods and Kurtesy shows him to the room. Copeland enters and Kurtesy removes his flask from his top jacket pocket, takes a big swig and puts away it away. He enters the room and closes the door. Stacey Madison shakes her head and exits.

 

[Super Crazy]

The scene is a dark and filthy boiler room full of pipes and boilers. The only light that can be seen from the room is on Jordan's face, and it is coming from the flames of the boiler. As the camera gets closer you can see the disdain and anguish on his face.

Jordan : Steven Kurtesy, I have been waiting to face you and William Teach for weeks now. Last week, it seemed like my only chance, and Karzai and I , we came up short. But, now we don't have to worry about making it to Kingdom Come. And I, I am not worried about winning championships anymore. The more you attack me, the more you gain the upper hand, the more personal this becomes. Do you know what that means? Do you know how I feel Doctor? NO!!

There is a loud crash as the camera shows Jordan hitting one of the pipes in anger.

Jordan : Let me share with you a story. A story of pain, a story of suffering, the story of my childhood. My mother, after my father leaving, she became a drunk. Her life spiraled out of control as did mine. The different men that came in and out of the house with her, they would all beat me? And what would she do? NOTHING!! But, she was helpless, she was in a weakened state, as I am now. Eventually, I grew tired of getting beaten, tired of the hurt. So I went out on the streets, I left home. Anything could be better then what that was for me. Do you know what hell is like?

Jordan begins to smirk a bit now.

Jordan : Well I have been through hell. I have been battered and beaten. I have tasted my own blood. It only made me stronger, and it gave me the will to survive and succeed. And you know, if there is one thing that the life I had has taught me, it is to forgive. One day, I returned home, and I forgave my mother, for she knows not what she did. She knows nothing of the pain I was caused. I forgave her, and I helped her get better.

Jordan opens the boiler and his face is completely illuminated by the flames.

Jordan : You see Kurtesy. While you may have harmed me in the past, but I can forgive you. When Karzai and I face you and William Teach, vindication will be ours. You see, I feel this pain and it's been slowly growing inside of me, eating at me. And this pain, it isn't mine, it is yours. The pain is knowing that you would someday meet us in the ring. The pain is knowing that you two will lose to us. And that pain, it feels good to me, no, it feels great.

You can hear something shift around as Jordan picks something up. As he shows it to the camera he reveals a replica of the tag team championship belts.

Jordan : You see, this, this means nothing to me now.

As he says this he throws it into the fire. As the camera shows the belt melting in the fire, we can hear Jordan speaking.

Jordan : You see, the first time you attacked me, it was business and I understood that. But the second time, you made it personal. You've awoken something inside of me Kurtesy, something I am beginning to like. At Meltdown I'm going to BREAK YOUR NECK!!

As Jordan says this the boiler slams shut and the scene fades to black.

 

[Mantaur Rodeo Clown]

The scene is William Teach sitting on a bench in his locker room. He is rubbing the bit of skin in between your eyebrows. You know that part where it’s sort of slack and you can do like, a pincer movement, and it makes it look like you’re tired or frustrated or whatever. I think Timothy Dalton did it a lot in that one movie. Living Daylights? Nah. Anyways, he’s doing that, with a phone to one ear as he sighs deeply.

Teach: No, no, no Sandy, you’ve got it all wrong. He gets left alone in New York in the second one. It’s like, snowing and stuff and there’s this lady with the doves. The first one is where he puts on the aftershave and screams and...

He gets cut off and after a short murmur on the phone, his eyes open wide and his jaw drops

Teach: What do you mean you’ve never seen the first Home Alone? Then we have nothing more to talk about. Teach promptly hangs up and gazes into the camera with a hurt look in his eyes.

He sighs, getting up from the bench and wandering around as Becky Serra makes her way into the locker room. Teach turns around and lights up upon seeing Serra.

Teach: Oh shucks, Becky! Great to see you. Ah, damn, you really should have told me you were coming, I could have tidied up the place!

Serra: Oh no Teach, it’s fine really, just wanted a quick intervie- (she looks around) What do you mean? The place is spotless!

Serra is telling the truth, as the place is cleaner than a nun’s dress on Christmas Day. Don’t ask me where that came from, was watching Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit. Well, Teach was. Yeah. He might have had a few too many mango daquiri’s with Rush and uh, things got a little out of hand. Why not have a Sister Act marathon party? They asked themselves. So they did.

Teach: Oh, but the bathroom is a little....rough at the moment, would you hold on for a moment? Oh, and maybe just face that wall over there. He points to a wall across the roomYeah becky, just stare at that Kermit the Frog poster.

Teach goes to the adjoining bathroom, and slides through a crack in the door. Becky stares dumbly at the wall and sighs. Teach is seen in the background shooing Rush and two girls out of the bathroom. Becky continues looking at the wall as people continue to exit the bathroom, all covered in mango daquiri residue. One man is carrying a tuba, whilst another is dressed in a suit of armor, holding a chicken. Teach ushers them along telling them to keep the noise down. Becky leans in for a closer look of the poster, scratching her head and trying to process all the confusing stimuli of seeing Kermit, furrowing her borw as if he were some confusing equation to be solved. Teach goes in to the bathroom suddenly and comes out dragging Macaulay Caulkin, who is whimpering to himself “I can’t believe she didnt watch the first one...” When everyone is gone Teach emerges with his Title Belt and a plastic toy guitar strapped to his front. Becky turns around to face him, glad to be away from such a mindbending enigma as the Kermit the Frog poster and starts her interview.

Serra: Ok so-

Teach: Wait, wait, wait. Now I know you’re going to ask me about my match with these Heavy Artillery guys, and I know that maybe some kids out there have been charmed by this Max Karzai, figuring that he’s cool and junk. Well, I’m here to show everyone that Teach ‘n’ Kurtesy, the old TK, Teachiero unt Kurtstampfen can still rock out with the best of them! Now I like to live life on the fly, so can I get a suggestion for you of a song I could cover and improvise to?

Serra: Um, ok sure! How about Hotel California?

Teach: Ok, not random enough.

Serra: American Pie?

Teach: Yeah, still not random, I need like a particular song...

Serra: Pokerface?

Teach: Not nearly random enough, I need like a song...that you sing at a sports game...

Serra: Like... When the saints go marching in?

Teach: Baseball...

Serra: Um, Take me out to the ball game?

Teach: Oh Wow! That’s a great choice! Ok so a completely random song that you picked completely out of the blue which I will sing!

Serra: Wow really? That’s amazing!

Teach: Yup! Teach pulls out a sheet of paper that he has obviously prepared earlier and puts it in front of him, clearing his throat.

Ok here we go:

Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd;
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
I don't care if I never get back.
Let me root, root, root for the home team,
If they don't win, it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game.

Becky: Wow! You’re almost as good as Karzai

Teach: Oh I’m not done yet!

Take me out to the Meltdown!
To watch Teach wrestle and win,
Buy me a Trevor Steel fannypack,
Spit on Ty Burna for being a hack,
Let me root for Teach ‘n’ Kurt-uh-sey
If they don't win, then I’ll frown.
Cause it’s one, two, three count you’re out!
At the old Meltdown!

Becky: Oh golly Teach, that’s amazing! You did that totally from a random song I picked?

Teach: Of course, without any prior planning. At all. Suck on that Karzai.

Becky: Well could you do it again? (looks bright eyed at Teach)

Teach: (looks at his watch) Um, well look at the time, you best be off.

Becky: But I didn’t even get your thoughts on the Heavy Artillery match!

Teach: Oh Christ! Hang on a tic (He goes into the bathroom and comes back holding a large book in his hands. He opens it and the Camera catches a glimpse of the cover “Generic Wrestling Promos for Dummies” He begins reading the titles of the chapters)

Ok, let’s see here, which one should I use? “Wrestling is my life” nah.

“I want to prove myself”That won’t work.

“I hate you”, “I respect you”, “I hate you but begrudgingly respect you” ,

No, these won’t work either.

“Sad story about Mum” Nope, none of these will work.

Ah here we go! Them Rookies is hungry! Ahem:

These guys are young and hungry. They’re going to come at us with everything that they got, and I for one can’t wait to...Ah screw it (He throws the book away)Look Becky, the fact of the matter is, the tag team division has been looked down upon for far too long. These guys, Karzai and Lights, perhaps they’re the future. Maybe they can help us show the big guys upstairs that the tag team division is worth a damn. But take note. I said they’re the future. Teach ‘n’ Kurtesy are the present, so they had better get used to us holding belts and kicking ass. As that’s exactly how I intend to spend the night on Meltdown.

Teach smiles, putting gum into his mouth and picking up his toy guitar and Tag Team Belt.

Teach: Now if that’s all, I do believe Zander and Chris Beckford are waiting at the Kareoke bar for me. They can’t go on without an air bassist.

Teach walks out of the room smiling, and Becky is left staring at the Kermit the Frog poster, scratching her head in confusion.

 

[The Doctor]

The scene opens to an overhead shot of Max Karzai seated at a computer in the living room of his house. He clicks a few times before reaching up and adjusting the webcam sitting on top of his monitor. The camera switches to a view behind his head and slightly above his shoulder, clearly showing the screen, where Karzai is about to start a live webcast on Blog TV. He lets it send an automatic message to his Twitter before adjusting the webcam one last time and clicking on the “Begin broadcast” button. Slowly, people start entering the chat and greeting Karzai as he smiles and begins to speak.

Karzai: Hi, everyone! Welcome to my Blog TV show. Now I see some of you are returning regulars, but for the new guys out there, let me explain some things. First up, call me Max. Just because I‘m famous doesn‘t mean I‘m not a person. Second, feel free to ask me anything. I‘ll try to answer to the best of my abilities. Third, try to be respectful towards each other. No flaming. Let‘s just try and be cool.

The chatters send their messages of assent, and Karzai continues.

Karzai: Obviously, the first order of business is my match on Meltdown with the current WZCW tag team champions, William Teach and Steven Kurtesy. I was hoping to be facing them at Kingdom Come for the titles, but I suppose this is the next best thing. Anyone have any questions about the upcoming match?

<Mr.Trite> How do you feel your chances are, after losing to Second Coming last week?

Karzai: Personally, I think Jordan and myself have a very good chance.

<Oos> You mean despite the shortcomings Kurtesy has pointed out?

Karzai: Kurtesy is quick to jump on us because neither of us has had singles experience, but that&#8217;s not even completely true. Both Jordan and I spent time in development before being called up to the main roster, which is more than what you can say for Steven Kurtesy. He has done nothing but participate in a tag team during his whole time in WZCW. He is a weak link, pure and simple. You saw what happened last week. He and Teach walked out of the King For A Day qualifier because they didn&#8216;t want to work as singles wrestlers. He may think he showed bravery or respect to the tag team division, but what it looked like to me was weakness. He has no right to say that either of us looked &#8220;lost&#8220; in singles competition, because he has never seen us in single&#8216;s competition.

<Oos> How can you expect to beat the best if you lost to the second best?

Karzai: I intend to beat the best because the best is not that great. His cocky attitude, ignorance, and overall conduct will be the end of him.

<kristophlover4132> u seem to b talking about kurtesy alot.

Karzai: That&#8217;s because he&#8217;s the one who made this personal. He attacked my partner, my friend from behind, laying him out on the mat. Then, he took shots at both of us, even questioning my mental health. If he knew anything about my past, he wouldn&#8217;t have done that.

<PhoenixFire> Don&#8217;t forget about his partner. Teach has been around the block as a singles guy, and has experience in a team.

Karzai: Too right, but I&#8217;ve been noticing something. Teach has been getting complacent. His heart doesn&#8217;t seem to be in it. Maybe you haven&#8217;t noticed, but I have. I went through a phase like that once, where I felt like walking out of my musical career, walking out of my life completely, ending it there. So I know what it looks like when you feel you&#8216;ve reached your goal and there is nothing left.

<Oos> But it looks to me as though your partner has gone completely bonkers.

Karzai: &#8220;Bonkers&#8221;? Really? No, to me, Jordan has seemed fit as a fiddle. Riled up, yes. Wanting to kick Teach and Kurtesy&#8217;s asses? Yes. But he is completely stable.

<Oos> Not what it looked like to me. He looked like he&#8217;s gone mental. Combined with your history of mental illness, it looks like a psychologist might be exactly what you need. You&#8216;re both crazy!

Karzai: &#8230;Do not call me crazy.

<Oos> How about nutso? Crackers?

Karzai: Keep it up and I am going to ban you from this chat.

<Oos> Round the twist? Insane? Touched in the head?

Karzai That&#8217;s enough!! I am sick of your constant insults. Every time you come in here you have something negative to say about me, whether it&#8217;s my act, my songs, my wrestling, and I am tired of it. I&#8217;ll have you know that, yes, I have been to see a psychologist before, and yes I have been depressed in the past, but I got over it! I fought that depression, and overcame it, just like I am going to overcome this challenge, and the next challenge, and every challenge in the future. At the end of the match, Jordan and I will stand tall over the bodies of Teach and Kurtesy, just like we have stood tall over hardships in our separate pasts! I am no stranger to hardship. I have been facing hardships my whole life, and never did I break, never did I submit! I may have had a few hiccups here and there, but they have been temporary and I have squashed them. Just like I am going to squash Teach and Kurtesy.

There are a few moments of silence in the chatroom as Karzai breathes heavily.

<Oos> &#8230;Well it&#8217;s too bad you didn&#8217;t retire when you wanted to, because you could have saved me from your terrible music.

* Oos has been kicked from this channel. Reason: Fuck off. *

<kristophlover4132> rofl

<LindLTailor> Pwned.

<Durp>. -__-

Karzai sighs heavily, burying his face in his hands for a few seconds before looking up at the camera.

Karzai: Look, guys, I&#8217;m going to have to cut it short tonight. I&#8217;m going to go train some more. I will win this&#8230;you&#8216;ll see.

<Limey> OK, good luck. We&#8217;ll be rooting for you.

Karzai:Thanks.

Karzai switches the computer off, and gets out of his chair. He starts walking towards his workout room.

Scene fades.