The limousine pulls to a halt in front of a small crowd of gathered spectators, slowly the door opens to a smattering of applause and out steps what could be the squarest rapper the world has ever seen, putting even Vanilla Ice to shame. S.H.I.T noticeably jingles as its adorned jewellery moves with its own, not particularly smooth motion, its red tuxedo practically in shreds, but the Elite X Title is on its shoulder, as proud as ever. Behind the robot comes Barbosa, who gives the crowd a few waves, his own beaming demenour making up for the stoic Machine.
As S.H.I.T surveys the scene in front of it, a large, sweaty man in a suit almost as expensive as the Robot's own walks over hurriedly, a look of worry stretched over a pink, damp face.
"Is this some kind of joke?" He boomed as soon as he was close to the pair, a vein in his forehead foreshadowing a possible heart attack. "Is this supposed to be funny?" He ignores a frantically signalling Barbosa to come face to face with the Machine.
This one has no intention of comedy. S.H.I.T replied flatly.
"I ask WZCW for one of their wrestlers to open my store and they send a small fortune draped over a cereal box!?!" S.H.I.T looks around to see who the man might've been referring to with that comment, meanwhile Barbosa had tried to tap the store owner on the shoulder but had been brushed off, "and on top of everything, you're late!" He continued with his rant, "I had to phone WZCW to see what was happening and they said they'd send one of their legends over to make ammends. Now that I've seen you, I think I'll wait for this Armando Paradyse."
No!
The fat man finally noticed Barbosa, turning his wrath on him. "And just who in the hell are you?" He asked, "the 'pub' is that way," he pointed down the road, "take your buddy with you, although it looks like you've had enough already."
Before this confrontation can be taken any further another voice breaks in.
"Excuse me, Mr. Magnolian, sir?"
Beads of sweat spray BarboSHIT as the fat mans head snaps around to face Becky Serra. Although all anger leaves his face and he suddenly becomes the model of courtesy, "yes Rebecca?" He asked, his demenour made all the slimier by his pit stains.
Becky Serra gives him her brightest smile, "this is Scaled Humanoid Industrial Technology, he is one of our champions, the other is Barbosa, he is a former World Heavyweight Champion and current number 1 contender for that same title."
Mr. Magnolian turns back to the now introduced pair, "I trust I don't need you to tell me which is which." He said quietly, "very well, we're running late enough as it is." With one last look at the tandem he stalks over to the stage and taps the microphone, preparing to address the crowd. Becky turns her attention back to the pair.
"Hi guys," she said, all smiles.
Friendly greetings. The Machine replies, while Barbosa gives a curious wave. What is the purpose of your presence here, Becky Serra? It has to raise its voice to be heard over the fat manager droning on and the crowd chanting "We like SHIT! We like SHIT!"
Appropriate if they're shopping here. Quipped a different Barbosa.
"I am here to cover the event," Becky said, answering the robots question and ignoring Barbosa. "I am here to provide the WZCW Universes' perspective. Whats so funny?" The last is aimed at Barbosa who is rubbing his hands together and smiling with glee.
Oh. Nothing. Nothing at all.
Barbosa is enjoying the occasion?
Oh yes, oh yes indeed. Thank you for getting rid of that ghastly man, Becky.
"No problem," she said warily, as people usually do around Barbosa.
Now, Poo! Barbosa waves his hands in front of S.H.I.T's face to make sure he has its full attention, with Becky and the cameras here this would be a good opportunity to show Chris K.O that you mean business.
S.H.I.T cocks its head. Mean business? Business as in; transactions between consumer and provider, much like how this very Supermarket conducts business?
Barbosa begins to sigh but again Becky is in for the rescue. "I think he means, use this opportunity to cut a promo on Chris K.O."
S.H.I.T should initiate promo mode?
Yes, Poo should initiate promo mode! He said excitedly.
Query; S.H.I.T is opening food provider for Humans, initiating promo mode will detract from this event?
Not at all, said Barbosa, the current incarnation of friendliness, you'll be expected to put on some kind of show.
S.H.I.T rarely cuts promos. S.H.I.T is unfamiliar with the concept.
Oh its easy! Look at past Elite X Champions. Some use catchphrases, or tell stories... Barbosa starts to look like he is running out of ideas as the cheers in the audience get louder, its clear the fat manager is almost on the point of introducing S.H.I.T to the assembled masses.
"Some people talk in rhyme," said Becky, "although maybe you should steer clear of that..."
Yes! Barbosa butts in, you could even rap about him!
S.H.I.T seems like it is taking all of this in. What kind of lyrics would said 'rap' contain?
"Oh you know, colourfull ways in which you are going to 'destroy' Chris K.O."
S.H.I.T noticeably perks up at the mention of 'destroy.'
"You should also insult his genitallia!" Becky chips in, perhaps too enthusiastically, as the pair turn to look at her she covers her mouth in embarrassment. "It's just something rappers do," she mumble.
Yes, thank you Becky.
This one is also grateful. It shall compile phrases and rhymes for PROMO MODE! While the worthless, overweight meatbag introduces us to the crowd.
The crowd roars even louder as said overweight, worthless meatbag does finally introduce S.H.I.T, Becky watches the pair saunter to the stage.
"I feel I may have contributed slightly too much."
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wzcw.com exclusive.
Footage taken from a handheld, shaky camera shows a ridiculous looking, jewellery clad, ripped red tuxedo wearing S.H.I.T climbing to the stage after having been introduced by the bulbous, sweaty man, to the general pleasedness of the audience.
This one conveys its gratitude, meatbags!
A small laugh from the audience.
Do not forget that Barbosa is here also, S.H.I.T indicates Barbosa, who while smirking like a madman before, now looks less that pleased to have been included. Eventually he also takes the stage due to encouragement from the fans, who are belting out a Barbosa chant, led by S.H.I.T.
Thank you. He said, leaning into the microphone.
S.H.I.T is here to open this provider of foodstuffs, but first, this one wishes to address its Meltdown opponent, Chris K.O.
Some claps from the gathered crowd. This one has also been given a list of things to say about this Supermarket, things which will remain unsaid!
This draws a large cheer from the crowd, and a look of annoyance from Mr. Magnolian.
"Make sure you get this," Becky's voice can be heard just off camera.
Initiate Promo Mode!
S.H.I.T takes a step forward, and points toward the horizon for emphasis.
Chris K.O. You are a worthy opponent. It started, in its flat, emotionless drone. You hold a title, much like this one. S.H.I.T raises its Elite X Title, to a cheer from the assembled audience.
But your genitals are inferior!
"Oh God," Becky mutters as the crowd start to laugh, even Barbosa lets show a smirk.
You are not of an adequate size to please a Human Female! Said S.H.I.T, fully getting into the swing of things here. Your stamina in the ring is impressive, even if it does not equal the stamina of an unrelenting destruction Machine, S.H.I.T indicates itself, but the stamina of your genitals leaves much to be desired when participating in the Human reproduction activity, known as "sex."
The crowd whoops with delight, Mr. Magnolian has purpled.
Perhaps this is why Serafina has left you?
The crowd "oohs" at that.
This one has spoken about your inferior reproduction system enough.
A slight noise of dissapointment from the gathering of meatbags.
On Meltdown, Chris K.O and S.H.I.T face off, in a battle of the Champions. S.H.I.T was never groomed for this, it was never taken under the mentorship of Ty Burna, it was never taught how to be a Champion, never groomed for success, like you. It pauses, yet S.H.I.T and K.O enter Meltdown on an even footing, both holding titles.
S.H.I.T raises its Elite X Title again.
Our paths have always crossed and paralleled! While you have reached this position as Ty Burna's Chosen One, S.H.I.T was forced to enforced his will. While you styled yourself as the people's White Knight, S.H.I.T simply and unrelentingly destroyed all in its path! While you were exposed as a fraud, S.H.I.T did more to combat the evil in this company than you ever did, by destroying The Empire!
The crowd cheers.
By ending the title reign of John Constantine!
The crowd cheers again.
This one may wear gold and fancy tuxedo's, but it will never change its image, never lie about its purpose. Beneath the Gold, the real Steel!
The crowd cheers again.
S.H.I.T has compiled a musical number.
"He's actually going to do it?" Becky breaks in again, while Barbosa is clearly enjoying himself on the stage.
In the Apostles Chris K.O. was chosen, while S.H.I.T was in thrall, It started, in a monotonous drone.
But Chris K.O's genitals are very small,
K.O and S.H.I.T teamed and fought,
But K.O's ambition made it all for naught,
You tried to play the hero, but nobody was sold,
Your tired stale act, got very, very old,
You beat the Machine before, but it will not happen twice,
This time you'll get locked in the Industrial Strength Vice,
The fans in the arena will clap, clap, clap,
As your hand slaps the mat; tap, tap, tap,
When it is done there will be no repenting,
Because S.H.I.T is unrelenting,
Chris K.O. was chosen, he was the Golden Boy,
But S.H.I.T exists only to destroy,
The Machine pauses to let that lyrical masterpiece sink in, the fans seem somewhat bemused but pleased by this new side to this character.
So what are you going to do, Chris KO, when Scaled Humanoid Industrial Technology and its Humanoid Technologites run mechanically all over you?!?
The crowd cheer again, chanting "we like SHIT! We like SHIT!" and "K.O. sucks! K.O. sucks!" While S.H.I.T poses with its belt on the stage.
Now, S.H.I.T started when the racket had died down, this one will open this store.
Mr. Magnolian wheezes over, brandishing a pair of scissors, although in his hurry he appears to be holding them by the handle, with the blades pointed outwards. ALERT! ALERT! S.H.I.T and Barbosa are under attack! Some of the crowd laugh, thinking this is part of the show, S.H.I.T shoves Barbosa out of the way. Protect yourself Barbosa, this ones outer casing will protect it from the weapon.
The fat man is backing off, trying to indicate the scissors are for S.H.I.T, "I was going to give them to you!" He shouted.
Yes. Right in the circuits, no doubt. Said a giggling Barbosa.
S.H.I.T lunged forward, delivering a brutal head chop to the fat man, knocking him to the deck. Some of the crowd start to scream as the feed cuts out.
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