The trunk of a white nineteen seventy four Chevy Nova opens to reveal two men standing behind the car, rummaging in the trunk.
"
We should have shotguns for this type of deal."
The second man shakes his head.
"
What are you talking about Ricky?"
The first man is revealed to be
Ricky Runn, clad in brand new Tapout shirt with skulls and iron crosses, and his sunglasses, despite the sun having just gone down.
"
We have to breach and clear ninja, best way to clear a room full of tangos is a shotgun."
The second man again shakes his head.
"
I used to miss this type of ignorance out of Mikey, it seemed innocent. Out of you, it just seems annoying and contrived."
The second man turns out to be
James Howard. His attire is more appropriate for the setting, a pair of jeans and a button up t-shirt. His face still bears some of the battle scars from his Kingdom Come battle. The loss was devastating, but James was a professional and had quickly put the loss behind him. The same couldn't be said for his friend and former partner, Mikey Stormrage. No one had seen nor heard from him since he shamefully walked out of Dodger Stadium following the aforementioned loss.
"
Man, you are just jealous of my swag. Bitches love the swag."
"
Yeah, that is it entirely. I'm so upset that I have a loving fiance and a beautiful son, so I get jealous of you."
"
You just mad cause I'm stylin' on ya."
James drops his head onto the roof of his car.
"
Come on, we need to go find Mikey. The sooner we find him the sooner I can get away from you. I've got better things to do than spend my day with a Jersey Shore reject."
"
Ninja, like I want to be here either. I need to go get this sweet Japanese tat on my arm, I need to hit the gym and get my swole on, I need to get my tan on after.
By this time the pair have made their way to the floor that Mikey lives on. They knock on various doors, those who bother to answer all give the same answer, they haven't seen him in days. They proceed to the end of the hall, knocking on the door to Mikey's apartment, no answer.
"
Let's try the apartment manager, maybe he can let us in."
The two head back to the first floor to visit with the landlord, but it's to no avail. He says that he hasn't seen him coming or going for over a week, and he can't legally let them in since they aren't family.
"
Believe it or not, I never met Mikey's mom, hell I never even spoke to her. I don't suppose you ever met her did you Ricky?
"
Oh her and I are very well acquainted, if you know what I mean.
Ricky begins thrusting his hips until James smacks him in the back of the head.
"
I'm being serious, if we can't get a hold of his mom, then we have no way of getting in to his apartment."
"
We could always kick the door in."
"
We aren't going to kick the door in."
The landlord spoke up, and mentioned the downstairs neighbor that he knew Mikey to frequent.
"
Okay then lets try there."
"
If she isn't home, I'm kicking in the door."
The went to the third floor and knocked on apartment 3H. There was no answer. Ricky started to kick at the door.
"
The hell are you on about?"
"
Maybe she didn't hear you knocking, I just knocked with force."
As James shook his head with further disgust, the two went back to the top floor to try Mikey's door one last time.
"
Maybe we could look through the peephole, see if we can see anything."
"
That isn't a bad idea."
The two stood still for a few moments, neither going to the peephole.
"
I thought you were looking inside."
"
I can't see shit through my shades bro, you look."
James took a peak inside, but saw nothing.
"
Wait, I have an idea."
Ricky pulled out his wallet, which was unsurprisingly bedazzled, and pulled out a credit card. He then tried to slide the card between the door and the lock, to no avail.
"
Let me try, that isn't a bad idea."
James tried his hand at unlocking the door, until he snapped the card in half.
"
Nooooooo! You snapped my dad's gold card bro!"
Ricky tried the door, still locked.
"
You didn't even manage to open the door!
Frustrated, Ricky kicks at the door until he manages to knock it loose from the hinges. The commotion causes some of the neighbors on the floor to open their doors and see what the ruckus is.
"
Told you bro."
The two walk inside and look around. There are no signs that there has been anyone here in weeks. James continues to walk around, looking for signs of life while Ricky walks into the kitchen. He pulls some milk from the fridge and sniffs it.
"
Good enough."
He finds a bowl and pours himself a bowl of cereal. He walks back into the living room and flops down on the couch and turns on the TV.
"
What the hell are you doing?"
"
I'm tired of looking for fatty. He ran away, who cares? He has this sweet San Francisco apartment, and I have always wanted to live here, the guys here are the definition of swag. I've spent all day with you, despite the fact that I face you this week. If fatty wants to run away and cry, let him. The world won't miss Mikey Stormrage."
Just as James is about to grab Ricky there is a knock at the door, a
young woman the source of the knocking.
"
Oh, hi. Sorry to disturb you, I saw the door open and I thought Michael was finally home."
James walks over and shakes her hand.
"
Hey there girl, I was wondering if you knew how much a polar bear weighed? Enough to break the ice, hi I'm Ricky."
Both James and the girl shook their heads, before she introduced herself to James.
"
I'm Ashley. I live downstairs. I haven't heard from Michael in days, I thought you guys were him."
"
Baby, I can be anything you want me to be."
Ricky grabs a pillow off the couch and stuffs it under his shirt.
"
Hi, I'm Mikey, I'm fat and ungroomed. I cry a lot and drink alcohols. Did you guys hear, they leaked the PS4 release date. I'm so excited I have two nerd boners right now."
James shoves Ricky into the next room.
"
Maybe we can help each other. Do you know where he might be or how to get in touch with him?"
"
No, sorry. The day before he left he left a note on my door saying he was sorry for letting everyone down and that he was going away. He didn't say where, he just said he would make sure we never had to see his face again. He would always get depressed after a loss, but I have never seen him like this. He mentioned something about letting you succeed on your own and not holding you back. Then he said something about making his shame. I haven't heard from him since, I'm really worried."
"
This is fucking worthless!"
James' anger gets the best of him and he kicks the table. He notices something lying under the table that he hadn't noticed before. He picks up a note, in Mikey's handwriting.
I've failed you all. I was unable to vanquish the evil that was The Sacrificial Altar. Mikey Stormrage will shame you no more. In my defeat I have been taught a lesson. I have no delusions of divinity. We are men, not gods. Man is his own god, his own devil, his own death. We are created in our own image, yet imprisoned by the face we call our own. I will remake the world as I have remade my face, so that they may confront their ugliness and find for themselves what is beautiful.
