MD 65: Saboteur vs. Dr. Alhazred

[Ty Burna]

Deadline is Tuesday, November 22nd at 11:59 PM Central Time

 

[red ass skull muhfukkah]

Blackness. A deep voice and the sounds of horses and a rolling carriage are heard. Light begins to shine through the darkness as if someone is opening their eyes. You can see shapes sitting around you, one to your right, one sitting across from you, and the other is on their left. You look down at your hands and the blur begins to fade, you notice your hands are in chains. You look behind you and tree covered hillside. To your left is a man in what kind of looks like a ninja suit is driving the carriage your riding in, further in the distance is a small village with ninja guards around the walls.

A young man wearing a suit looks at you and begins to speak…

Alexander Stark: You’re finally awake. I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to. I didn’t expect someone like yourself to survive the beating you took when you were captured; I’m unharmed myself as you can see.

The man sitting next to him has long flowing hair and is wearing a black hoodie and shorts.

Ricky Runn: I was just about to hop in an airplane when they caught me. They were lucky I was in my skydiving gear or they never would have got me so easily. Why did they take us?

Alexander Stark: I’m more than sure it has something to do with him. He points to the man sitting to your right.

The man next to you is a black man wearing nothing but cheetah patterned boxer shorts. His mouth is covered with cloth.

Ricky Runn: Why did they cover his mouth? Does he have some kind of power that lets him kill people with his voice?

Alexander Stark: No, the guy wouldn’t shut his mouth. He just kept yapping away non stop so the guards gagged him.

Ricky Runn: Holy crap is that Action Saxton?

Alexander Stark: Yes it is. I think our capture has something to do with Saboteur. Those two have been in a rivalry lately and Action seemed to be the main target.

Ricky Runn: What? Why would they think we have anything to do with him? I don’t think I’ve ever had a full conversation with the guy. I mean I saw him last week backstage and said “what’s up?” but I was just being friendly.

Alexander Stark: I’ve never conversed with him either, although I said “hello” to him backstage last week as well, that was just me showing manners though.

Ricky Runn: You think Saboteur is so paranoid about Saxton that he would capture anyone who has even had a conversation with him?

Alexander Stark: Or maybe he thinks we’re in some form of alliance with him. Saboteur might have been spying on Saxton and saw us conversing with him and thought something of it, even if it was only brief.

You look to your left and see you’ve entered the village. There are ninja guards on rooftops and everywhere you look. Between two of the houses Saboteur is on top of a horse, Garrett is standing next to him and talking.

Alexander Stark: There’s Saboteur and Garrett, I knew this had something to do with him.

Ricky Runn: But why would Saboteur want to capture Saxton? Aren’t they friends?

Alexander Stark: I thought so too but with a guy like Saboteur you never know what’s going through his mind, his paranoia takes over him and makes him commit acts that would seem outrageous to us but normal to him.

A little boy is sitting on his porch, his parents are with him

Little Boy: Look at all the ninjas daddy, they’re so cool.

Father: Go inside son, I don’t want you to see this.

Little Boy: Ahh but dad I wanna see the ninjas.

Father: Do as I say.

The carriage pulls up to a wall and stops.

Ricky Runn: Why are we stopping?

Alexander Stark: End of the line I suppose.

One of the ninjas opens one part of the carriage and motions everyone to get out.

Ninja: Get out of the carriage and stand in line over there.

Action Saxton is the first to go out, Ricky Runn begrudgingly follows him, Alexander Stark brushes off his suit and checks the time before getting out as well. You are the last to get out. Two Ninjas are standing next to each other, each holding Swords, one is holding a list.

Ninja guard: When you’re name is called you will go over to the chopping block where Saboteur is.

You look over and see Saboteur holding a sword and swiping it in the air, a tree stump is next to his feet and a small crate is next to it.

Ricky Runn: He’s gonna kill us? But I don’t even know Action Saxton I swear!

Ninja guard: Action Saxton.

Action Saxton struts over to where Saboteur is.

Ninja guard: Alexander Stark.

Stark stares a hole right at you and at the guards before following Saxton.

Ninja guard: Ricky Runn.

Ricky Runn: I’m not going down without a fight, I’m not afraid of you guys.

Ricky begins to run away as fast he can.

Ninja guard: Guards stop him!

One of the guards tries to grab Ricky but he kicks him in the face, another one tries to get him from behind but he too is met with a kick. Ricky jumps on a crate and climbs atop one of the houses.

Ninja guard: Archers!

Ricky dodges the arrows as he runs across the rooftops, he jumps over the wall.

Ninja: Damn it he got away.

Ninja guard: Let him go, he won’t get far. It appears this man’s name is not on the list.

The ninja with the list checks over the paper he’s holding.

Ninja guard: It doesn’t matter, send him over there anyway.

Ninja: Come forward prisoner.

You step close to him.

Ninja: Who are you?

A menu pops up with different characters you can choose to be. You scroll through the different races. You stop and look at the lizard Argonians for second but don’t choose it. You continue to scroll through and stop at a large man with a long pony tail labeled James King. You play around with the settings making him fat and black before going back to the character screen. You come across a average sized, scrawny looking man. You give him a beard and lower his skin color to as white as it will go. After checking him out one last time you hit done and enter his name. D-r-. A-l-h-a-z-r-e-d is what you type in, you hit enter.

Ninja guard: Dr. Alhazred eh? You look a bit on the sickly side son, when’s the last time you ate?

Other Ninja: It doesn’t matter he’s going to die anyway.

Ninja guard: That’s true, well go over there and wait in line.

You walk over to where the others are standing, Alexander Stark gives you a dirty look and Action Saxton is wiggling his hips as if some hip funk music is playing in his head. You look up to where Saboteur is and see him staring right at you. You look at the man who’s lying on the execution block, he’s wearing a suit and a gold mask. He’s calling to you; he’s calling your name. You try to remember his name but for life of you, you cant seem to recall it. Saboteur raises his sword and points at you. He seems to whisper to himself “Your soul is mine” before bringing his sword quickly down across the masked man’s neck. You look away before the head comes off, all you hear is the masked man yelling “LUUUUUUUKKKKE!!!”.

You turn around to see the masked man’s head on the ground and Saboteur holding a bloody sword, laughing. One of the ninja’s calls your name. You walk up to the block calmly. You have a long stare down with Saboteur, neither of you will back down. Someone kicks you in the legs and causes you to fall to your knees. Saboteur quickly lifts up his sword, but before he can bring it down a black figure flies across the sky.

Ninja: DRAAAAAAGGGGOOOOOONNNNNN!!!!

The dragon flies down and bites the head off of Saboteur, he spits at you and it lands at your feet. You go to the items menu and select apparel, you equip the Power Glove…

Dr. Alhazred quickly sits up in his bed. He looks around and sees that he’s in a hospital bed. He checks his hands to make sure there not in chains.

Dr. Alhazred: Holy shit it was just a dream.

He looks down at his lap and feels something under the covers. He pulls his hand out and notices there’s blood on it. He rips off the blanket to find Mister’s decapitated head in his bed.

Dr. Alhazred: Saboteur! You’ll pay for this!

He jumps out of the bed and puts on his Power Glove. He makes a chk-chk noise like his glove is a gun and bolts towards the door. All the life support machines fall over and crash as he was still attached to them. He rips off the tubes in him and his gown falls with them. He runs out of the room completely naked, shrieks of women and children are heard as the scene fades to black.

 

[JGlass]

The scene opens with Saboteur sitting on his couch, playing an old, original gameboy.

Saboteur: Are you serious bro!? Bullet Bill is a bitch! Everytime I try to make that jump he nails me!

Garrett enters from the kitchen, carrying a bowl of Fruity Pebbles cereal, which Saboteur now has a surplus of.

Garrett: Don’t you have anything better to do than sit around and play video games?

Saboteur: Relax Garrett, I’m just taking a well deserved break after beating Action Saxton last week. The unstoppable force known as Saboteur keeps rolling! AH BISCUITS! Bullet Bill again!

Garrett: How are things between you and Saxton anyway? I thought you two were on the road to becoming friends.

Saboteur: Saxton is a proud man, I’m sure he’s a little sore after I beat him on Saturday, so to smooth things over with him I sent him the DVD set of The Jeffersons.

Garrett: Well, I hope for your sake that he enjoys your gift; Saxton doesn’t seem like the type of guy you’d want on your bad side.

Saboteur: Saxton? I can handle him any day of the week, he doesn’t scare me. No, there is only one enemy that can shake me to my very soul… and his name is Bullet Bill.

Garrett: You should be less worried about Bullet Bill and more worried about your next opponent, Dr. Alhazred.

Saboteur: I went to a doctor once. Let’s just say I have never felt more justified in cutting someone’s finger off.

Garrett: I don’t think Dr. Alhazred is going to be giving you a prostate exam. In fact, he’s more likely to send you to the dentist than the hospital after a punch in the face.

Saboteur: What are you talking about? I’ve seen him hanging around backstage, he looks like he couldn’t punch a clock, much less my iron jaw.

Garrett: He’s not physically impressive, no, but he has this weird device that he wears that powers up his strikes exponentially.

Saboteur: In English, Garrett.

Garrett: He wears a glove that makes him punch like he’s much, MUCH stronger than he actually is.

Saboteur: So how bad can that be? I just fought Action Saxton, and there aren’t many people in WZCW that can hit harder than him.

Garrett: If Alhazred powers his glove up all the way, he can break bricks. Or worse.

Saboteur: DAMMIT!

Garrett looks pleased as he thinks he’s finally gotten through to Saboteur.

Saboteur: Bullet Bill again! This is ridiculous! There’s gotta be a star hidden around here somewhere.

Garrett slams his bowl of Fruity Pebbles down on the coffee table to get Saboteur’s attention.

Garrett: Saboteur, listen to me! If you don’t come up with a good strategy to win this fight, Alhazred is going to seriously injure you.

In one sudden motion Saboteur throws his Gameboy in the air and jumps up on the couch.

Saboteur: You’re right Garrett! I need to train to be hit hard! And you know the best way to do that?

Garrett: Not an 80s training montage!

Saboteur is already in his spandex and headband. Garrett rubs the bridge of his nose in frustration.

Saboteur: What? These are my weekend clothes! Alright, alright, I have a better idea anyway.

The scene in Saboteur’s apartment ends, but the next one immediately begins with Saboteur proudly standing in the middle of a vacant city lot.

Garrett: Uh, are you sure this is a good idea?

Saboteur: You said it yourself, Garrett, Alhazred can break bricks with his power glove thingy, so what better way to train than to take hits from something that breaks bricks all day?

Saboteur turns around and shouts…

Saboteur: You almost ready boys?

It is now revealed that Saboteur is talking to a crew of construction workers operating a crane and wrecking ball. A construction worker shoots him a thumbs-up, signaling that they are ready to roll.

Saboteur: Alright, let’s do this thing!

Garrett: I don’t think this is wise, Sab. I think you may be doing more harm than good here.

Saboteur: Oh do you, Garrett? Then what do you suggest? I got find a heavyweight boxer and spar with him?

Garrett: Actually… that’s a fantastic idea.

Saboteur: Really? I can do that? Wait, of course I can do that, this is my promo! Let’s go Garrett!

Saboteur starts to walk over to Garrett, and not a moment to soon. Right as Saboteur finishes taking a few steps the wrecking ball swings right through where Saboteur was standing and goes crashing into an abandoned building, taking out a huge piece of the wall.

Saboteur: Hey, if this is my promo and I can do anything I want, we can just fly to the nearest heavyweight boxer. Let’s go Garrett!

Saboteur sticks his fist in the air and jumps forward, but crashes down to the ground and eats pavement.

Garrett: Maybe I should just call us a cab.

The camera dissolves to the next scene, where Saboteur and Garrett are sitting on a bench in a gym, looking into a boxing ring.

Saboteur: All of these guys look like lightweight losers!

Garrett: Well that’s because you’re looking at the scrubs. That’s Glass Joe and Von Kaiser. They’re the boxers that the feds feed to up and comers to build their confidence. Look over there though.

Saboteur turns around to see a big, black, bald behemoth. He stands at least six inches taller than Saboteur, and weighs 298 pounds. He is seen practicing punches with a sparring partner before he delivers one that sends his partner flying out of the ring into a punching bag.

Garrett: That’s Bald Bull.

Saboteur lets out an audible gulp as he struggles to keep his lunch down.

Garrett: He’s won 34 fights, 29 by KO. They say all he needs is one punch to send his opponent to La La Land.

Saboteur: No kidding! Did you see what he did to his trainer? That’s his friend, imagine what he’d do to his enemies. Well, I know what we need to do… go get in the ring with Glass Joe.

Saboteur gets up and starts to walk over to the rookie ring, but Garrett grabs him by the back of his suit and pulls him back.

Garrett: Oh no you don’t. We called ahead and asked if we could get in the ring with their best fighter, and they said we could get five minutes with Bald Bull. Besides, you want to practice getting hit hard, remember?

Saboteur: Grrrrrrr… fine. Let’s get this over with.

Saboteur and Garrett walk over to the ring where Bald Bull is resting on a stool. One of his trainers is wiping the sweat from his face while the other is waxing up his gloriously bald head. Garrett and Saboteur look up to him at the ring, both in awe of how bald and bullish he is. Saboteur gives Garrett a nudge, forcing his friend to talk.

Garrett: Mr. Bull sir, this is Saboteur. Your manager said he could spar with you for a few minutes?

Bald Bull quickly gets up out of his stool and leans on the ropes, looking down at Garrett and Saboteur. He talks with an angry, gravelly voice:

Bald Bull: I know who you are! You’re that wrestling freak. I’ll tell ya, you wrestlers give us boxers a bad name! You kick and grab ass like a bunch of queers! I’ll show you how a real man fights!

Saboteur: Hey man! That’s not PC! I try to keep everything in my promos very polite.

Bald Bull: Psssht, PC my big bald ass. I say what I want, and you know why? Because I can! I’m bigger than you, stronger than you, and I’ll kick the ever-loving crap out of you! Get in here!

Bald Bull grabs Saboteur by the top of the head and pulls Saboteur up. Saboteur begins yelling and flailing around, so Bald Bull literally has to drag Saboteur into the ring kicking and screaming. Bald Bull flings Saboteur onto the ground, and Saboteur slides to the middle of the ring where he stands up and turns around a few times, dizzy and confused.

Bald Bull: I call this one the Bull Charge!

Saboteur: Bull Rush would be a better…

Before Saboteur can finish his sentence Bald Bull starts charging at Saboteur with his right hand chambered. Saboteur prepares to brace himself for impact, but within a split second Bald Bull blasts Saboteur with an extremely powerful punch in the gut. Saboteur goes flying backwards into the ropes.

Bald Bull puts his hands on his hips and lets out a hardy victory laugh, but he quickly realizes that his punch was so powerful that by sending Saboteur into the ropes, he accidentally created a human catapult. Bald Bull barely has time before Saboteur is flung right back at Bald Bull with his knee up high, and in a split second Bald Bull is hit in the face with a Death Blow.

Saboteur hits the mat hard, and Bald Bull falls backwards onto the mat and lands with a loud thud. Saboteur woozily gets back up to his feet to see that he knocked Bald Bull out cold.

Saboteur: Right dummy you serves big ya!

Bald Bull’s team of trainers run over to examine him and Garrett hops into the ring to check on Saboteur.

Garrett: Hey Saboteur, you alright?

Saboteur: Alright? Than better I ever am!

Garrett: Errr… right. Hey, it looks like not only can you take a fierce punch, but you can knock a guy like Bald Bull out in a second! Alhazred should be no problem!

Saboteur shakes the cobwebs out and seems to come to his senses.

Saboteur: Hey yeah! I kicked Bald Bull’s ass, and he’s a Goliath! That shrimpy Alhazred should be no problem!

Saboteur runs to the nearest rope and runs up to the top turnbuckle where he strikes a heroic pose.

Saboteur: Ty Burna, Action Saxton, Bald Bull… will Dr. Alhazred be the next man to be defeated by Saboteur? The answer is a clear and resounding yes! The citizens of the world will no longer have to fear the Power Glove any longer, for Saboteur shall be victorious this Friday on Meltdown!

Saboteur hops off from the top turnbuckle and looks at Garrett.

Saboteur: Now if you excuse me, I have some unfinished business to attend to.

Garrett: With Bull? With Saxton? With Burna!?

Saboteur: No... Bullet. Bill.

Saboteur climbs out of the ring and the screen fades to black.