The scene opens to a grainy picture of a wooden chair with a small table next to it, atop which set several half finished beers. The screen shakes as a voice mutters:
Voice: Is this thing on?
It shakes again and a wave of static goes through. Drake Callahan's super close up face looks down as he inspects the camera.
Drake: Alright, we're rolling!
He saunters over to the chair and sits down. His head is out of the picture.
Drake: All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome...
He paused, reaches out, and moves the camera so it gets his face into the shot.
Drake: Okay, we're good! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome....to Drake TV!
He cracks open a beer and chugs a bit of it down, wiping his mouth and grinning widely.
Drake: And I...am your host...Drake Callahan!
He bows a bit in his chair.
Drake: This is my all new, extra special interview show! And tonight, I have some very special guests...
He pulls out some notecards.
Drake: Tonight, I've got...the lovely Becky...Mr. Vengeance...and Mr. Daniel Stokes! It'll be a real great party!
He takes another drink of beer.
Drake: But first, a word from our sponsors!
He stands up and leaves the room. Nothing happens for a few moments, before the door crashes open and Drake sits down, holding a large glass filled with a reddish liquid.
Drake: Want wine? Want beer? Don't have the time for both! Drink...winebeer! Sold exclusively by Drake Callahan, buy it outside the arena in the dark shadowy alley.
He goes to set the glass down, finds no room on the table, and decides to chug it down quickly. When he's done, he throws the glass over his shoulder and it shatters. He appears unconcerned.
Drake: And now...my very first guest...Becky!
He reaches into a bag on the ground and pulls out a sock puppet. There's two blue buttons sewed on for eyes, a mouth drawn on, and some string attached for hair. Drake holds his one hand over his mouth as he poorly voices for the puppet.
Becky Puppet: Oh, hello, I'm Becky! I'm an interviewer type person! I interview Drake all the time! But he was verrrryyy scary last week, and I didn't want to come back! So now he has a TV show! He's very strong! And very sexy! Oh, Drake, I love you!
Drake moves the puppet towards his face as he makes exaggerated kissing noises.
Drake: Becky! No! Not on camera! Later...
There's an awkward pause. Drake pulls the puppet off and then throws it off camera.
Drake: Umm...so, anyway, that was Becky! She's a very lovely lady and she likes me a whole lot. She's my new best friend since Leon left.
He rummages in the bag.
Drake: But, now, the featured guests of the night...my Meltdown opponents...first, let me introduce, Mr. Vengeance!
(in a soft voice)
Drake: Yaay, Mr. Vengeance...
Drake pulls out another sock in the image of Vengeance.
Drake: Oh, hello, Vengeance! How are you?
Vengeance Puppet: Grr! I am angry!
Drake: Oh, that's so sad, Mr. Vengeance. Why are you so angry?
Vengeance Puppet: Because nobody loves me!
Drake: Oh, Mr. Vengeance, someone must love you!
Vengeance Puppet: No one!
Drake: I'm so sorry, Mr. Vengeance. But why must you be so mean to everyone!
Vengeance Puppet: To express my latent anger issues!
Drake: You should really see a therapist.
Vengeance Puppet: I ate my last therapist!
Drake: That's horrible! How could you?
Vengeance Puppet: With ketchup!
Drake: Oh, my, Mr. Vengeance. Did he taste good?
Vengeance Puppet: Like chicken!
Drake: I'll have you know there's a strict no cannibalism policy on Drake TV, sir.
Vengeance Puppet: Then I'll just have to eat you after our match, when I defeat you most thoroughly!
Drake: Oh, Mr. Vengeance, that's quite amusing, but I'm afraid I'm going to be defeating you at Meltdown.
Vengeance Puppet: No! It cannot be!
Drake: I'm afraid so, Mr. Vengeance. Don't worry, you'll have other matches you can win.
Vengeance Puppet: This consolation is unsatisfactory!
Drake: Well, you'll just have to deal with it, now, Mr. Vengeance. And that's all the time for Mr. Vengeance, it's time for him to go back in the bag...
Drake takes the puppet off and puts it into the bag.
Vengeance Puppet: I dislike this bag!
Drake: It's your house now, Mr. Vengeance, and you'll learn to like it!
Drake eventually straightens and grins drunkenly.
Drake: Well, that Vengeance certainly has some issues to work out. I'm sure after our match at Meltdown he'll see things differently. And now, the main man of the evening, Mr. Daniel Stokes!
(again, in a soft voice)
Drake: Yaaaay, Daniel Stokes...
Drake pulls out another puppet, in the likeness of Daniel Stokes, with an exaggerated Australian style hat on its head. Drake voices it in a high pitched Australian accent.
Stokes Puppet: Crikey, mate! This show is crikey nice! Crikey!
Drake: Mr. Stokes, you and I had a match last week. What did you think!
Stokes Puppet: Crikey! You broke a bottle over me head, mate! Why'd you go and do that for!
Drake: You were very mean, Mr. Stokes, and you had it coming to you!
Stokes Puppet: Crikey! I'm sorry, mate!
Drake: But you were again to those poor people this week!
Stokes Puppet: Crikey! I don't mean it! My daddy didn't love me!
Drake: Maybe you and Vengeance need a group therapy session.
Stokes Puppet: Crikey! Maybe I could just wrestle a crocodile?
Drake: I don't see how that will solve anything, Mr. Stokes.
Stokes Puppet: Crikey! It won't, mate, but I love to wrassle a crocodile something fierce!
Drake: Maybe if you're good, Mr. Stokes. But I don't know that you'll be in any condition to be wrestling crocodiles of any sort after our match on Meltdown.
Stokes Puppet: Crikey! You can't beat me, you're just a drunk!
Drake: And you're ugly! But in the morning, I'll be sober!
Stokes Puppet: Crikey! You're a mean one, Drake!
Drake: Well, you were mean first!
Stokes Puppet: Crikey, mate, I didn't mean it!
Drake: Did so!
Stokes Puppet: Crikey!
Drake: Mr. Stokes, I'm afraid I'm in no condition to continue this interview.
Stokes Puppet: Crikey! Don't put me back in the bag with that crazy man! He'll eat me, he says!
Drake: That's just too bad, Mr. Stokes!
Drake returns the puppet to the bag and straightens.
Drake: Well, folks, that's about all the time I've got, I hope you enjoyed the show and tune in next time!
Suddenly, the lights go out. A lighter flicks on, and a single candle seemingly from nowhere lights.
Drake: And Mr. Stokes, Mr. Vengeance...I hope this little fun hasn't disarmed you. You both have many lessons to learn on the workings of the dark side. Class will be in session at Meltdown.
The lights flicker back on to see Drake holding a beer bottle, drinking. The candle is nowhere in sight.
Drake: Until next time, I'm Drake Callahan, and this has been Drake TV!
He stands and walks away as the camera still runs. He suddenly returns, sticks his face in the camera, taps a few buttons, and grins one last time as the camera fades to black.