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Mayhem 2000
Date: November 26, 2000
Location: U.S. Cellular Arena, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Attendance: 3,800
Commentators: Stevie Ray, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone
Were really close to the end of the company here as we have four PPVs left, one of which Ive done already. The old guys being the major stars here is once again in full swing as Booker vs. Steiner is the main event. We also have Goldberg vs. Luger and DDP/Nash vs. the Perfect Event for the tag titles. Im really not looking forward to this as the comedy era is already over and its just dead now. Lets get to this.
Booker gets here and runs into a bunch of fans that want autographs. He signs like three and then leaves. Apparently they can get into the building with ease.
Steiner shows up and says hes not signing in anywhere so he destroys the security table. Gee isnt it great theres a signing thing that both guys can do which CLEARLY arent related at all?
The main event is apparently a cage match. Make that a straightjacket steel cage match. Oh dear.
The opening video is about what Mayhem means and talks about the main event. And the Luger match. And the tag title match. Nice to see those young guys getting pushed.
We see a clip from earlier where Flair, the CEO/authority figure at the moment, comes out to talk to the crowd. And theres a waste of a minute.
Cruiserweight Title: Mike Sanders vs. Kwee Wee
Kwee Wee is more or less Rico lite and has an alter ego known as Angry Alan. We see clips of Goldberg destroying Kwee Wee on Nitro. Uh ok then. Nice to see the young guy getting pushed so hard. We see Goldberg destroying Sanders also. Wow great job of pushing these guys as meaning something. Sanders bitch slaps Kwee Wee and here we go. We get the Angry Alan part to start us off here with Above Average Mike Sanders being in trouble very early.
Here come the Thrillers and we get the dumbest referee spot I have ever seen. The referee sees the Thrillers coming and stops Kwee Wee from jumping them. Jindrak hits a springboard clothesline to take out Kwee Wee but the referee turns and doesnt see it. He see Kwee Wee down and Jindrak on the other side of the ring and is just fine with this. Yep thats the kind of show to expect here it seems. There is a very cool spot where Jindrak and OHair throw Kwee Wee over the top from the floor and Sanders catches him in a powerslam. Awesome.
And here goes any sense of wrestling in the match as Meng of all people comes out with Paisley (Kwee Wees manager and more commonly known as Sharmell, Bookers wife) in a big afro wig. He fights the Thrillers and gets Reno and Stasiak in Tongan Death Grips to take them down. Ric Flair and security comes out to get rid of everyone. This whole time we havent had a single shot of the match.
Theyve managed to overbook the opening match. And people wonder why this company went out of business. And now back to the backdrop that is our title match. And we come back for a chinlock. Madden and Stevie get into it about Stevie being in his brothers shadow for years. Getting a little personal there buddy. They argue over what a hold is called forever. Heres the face comeback.
Sanders is the Commissioner at this point. Madden: this never happens to Paul Tagliabue (Roger Goodell for you younger fans). Kwee Wee goes for a sunset powerbomb to the floor but Sanders gets a nice counter into a rana. Paisley hands Kwee Wee the afro for no apparent reason. And now she comes in and hits a handspring elbow which isnt a DQ either. Sanders grabs Kwee Wee and hits the 3.0 (Ortons backbreaker. I love that pun) for the pin to retain maybe 3 seconds later.
Rating: D. Just stupid bullshit here from WCW, the undisputed master of stupid bullshit. Was there any reason to overbook a Cruiserweight Title match between the commissioner and a comedy character? We technically had 9 run-ins with six Thrillers, Meng, Flair and Paisley. Seriously, we get it. Theres no need to have this much additional stuff going on. The match was boring on top of that, or at least what I saw of it was.
Flair says no interference tonight. Is this a joke or something?
Disqo and Alex buy Kronik for half of a fifteen minute match because they cant afford the full thing. Its a handicap match but apparently Disqo (thats how it was spelled at the time) is hurt so its less of a handicap match now. What the fuck ever.
Evan Karagis and Jamie Noble (Noble and Karagis. Get it?), the members of 3 Count and the Jung Dragons that were thrown out, have made a tag team because WCW thought that after having those six guys open about 28 Thunders in a row we could just make it three teams instead of two and it would be fresh. Evan is more or less the North Carolina version of Jersey Shore and drives everyone crazy. In a SHOCKING coincidence, Evan used to date Nobles sister in high school apparently. I hate my life.
Crowbar, the crazy Hardcore Champion, is a ladies man now. He sings some Bee Gees and gets a bouquet of flowers from a secret admirer. This went nowhere Id assume.
3 Count vs. Jung Dragons vs. Jamie Noble/Evan Karagis
Shane Helms (Gregory of course) says Evan has a small penis. They do their song thing. Ill give WCW this: the boy band thing was an awesome gimmick. The Dragons have a Japanese dominatrix (Leia Meow, more commonly known as Kimona from ECW) with them. The Dragons jump the new team in the aisle and its on. Karagis and Noble get left on the floor so we have a regular tag match in the ring.
We get a bad comedy bit where both teams try to throw the others together in the middle but both manage to stop and dance. Did I mention 3 Count had a guy named Tank Abbott that was big, fat, and out of place with them? I assure you that when that happened it was Too Cool. Karagis vs. Helms as we finally get an actual match going here. The fans say 3 Count Sucks to which Madden says theyre chanting for 3 Count.
3 Count gets a modified German and a spinwheel kick to take down Noble in a nice move. Shannon Moore, the other part of 3 Count, gets a Fameasser on Kaz as Tony implies one of these teams could get a tag title shot. Thats very amusing. The referee misses two straight rollups and Stevie is fed up with him for it. And if theres one thing you dont want, its the horror of STEVIE RAY coming after you.
Everyone in now and Kaz hits a brainbuster on Karagis for two. Helms hits the Nightmare on Helm Street which is a great name. We unleash the dives so everyone is down on the floor. Meow gets on the top and dives to the floor to take out all six guys in a cool spot. Noble gets a big old ladder which foreshadows the ladder match they would have at Starrcade which was ok but not great.
Everything goes nuts, as in more nuts than it already had, and a bunch of miscommunication lead to high spots. The Dragons are in there beating on Shannon at the moment so some things never change I guess. Helms pops up out of nowhere and a Samoan Drop/swinging neckbreaker takes out Yun (Jimmy Yang) to end this.
Rating: B-. Fun stuff for the vast majority, but when youve seen this pairing literally for the last 5 months with nothing changing at all and no real stories at all being different, it kind of defeats the point entirely. The match was your usual spot fest which meant it was exciting and Im glad it didnt open the card, but at the end of the day, so what?
We IMMEDIATELY cut away from the post match celebration to see Bigelow beat up Mike Awesome before Sgt. AWOL makes the save.
Kronik and the Boogie Knights are with Pamela Paulshock, who might be the hottest interviewer of all time, no exceptions. Yes that includes Josh Matthews. This just resays everything from before.
Jimmy Hart is challenging radio show hosts and has a guy named Mancow tonight. This is apparently continuing an injury angle from a year ago where Jimmys leg got hurt by him or something. Yes, this is on PPV.
The Thrillers are freaking out on Sanders over nothing of note.
Mancow vs. Jimmy Hart
Mancow has some group of pests with him which are ripoffs of the Wack Pack from Howard Stern Id assume. Oh and Madden is a fat son of a bitch. This is far more talking and cursing from Mancow who says hes George W Bush and Jimmy is Al Gore. Yes weve come to that. And heres 3 Count for absolutely no apparent reason to beat up Mancow. Jimmy is fine of course. A shot with the cast ends this for Mancow. He wins that is. Yes this got almost five minutes combined.
Awesome is out of the match later.
The Misfits in Action say they should be at ringside tonight. Flair comes in to talk to AWOL and Id assume puts him in Awesomes place.
Bigelow is talking to Lance Storm. 4 seconds of film on this.
The Filthy Animals arent worried about Kronik and Disqo.
Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. Crowbar vs. Reno
Crowbar is champion. I think Awesome was supposed to be in this. The other two start without the champion for all of 5 seconds before he comes down. Point to that? Anybody? Vito and Reno have a history together that somehow involves Vitos sister but it was never explained. Crowbar has an abdominal injury. Apparently Awesome was in the match with Bigelow later. So why did Crowbar say he was his partner tonight? I give up.
Vito shrugs off kendo stick shots from Crowbar and pulls out a traffic cone and a ball bat. Why would you bring both of those? Oh so you can do stupid groin shots. Heres an idea: HIT THEM IN THE BALLS WITH THE BAT ITSELF! Crowbar gets a German suplex to annoy Madden. Crowbar and Reno double team Vito for a bit and then down goes Crowbar.
Reno and Vito fight to the back (and I use the term fight loosely) with Crowbar behind them. And down he goes to a trashcan shot. Powerslam puts Vito through a table. And heres Vitos sister Marie (hot) to stop Reno from killing him, saying shes been done with this a long time. Crowbar cracks him with a chair to end this and retain the title.
Rating: D. And again WCW tries to mimic WWFs Hardcore division and fails as usual. They tried to make it legit I think and it just failed every time. The whole Reno/Vito thing went on forever and never went anywhere which made it all the worse. This was about as by the books of a hardcore match as you could ask for with nothing of note at all going on.
Buff Bagwell is looking for the equipment truck.
Nash and Page, the Insiders, say nothing of note.
Gene is with Ernest Miller and Ms. Jones. His first line: Ms. Jones, you are delicious. WOW. Miller says if he cant beat Shane Douglas tonight hell leave the country for thirty days. Gene says he could rock Ms. Jones world. If she had a shot of Vitamin G shed be up all night. Hokey smoke.
Filthy Animals vs. Alex Wright/Kronik
Ok so this was supposed to be Konnan/Kidman/Rey vs. Disqo/Wright. Konnan isnt here so its Rey/Kidman as the Filthy Animals vs. Wright/Kronik but Kronik is leaving after seven and a half minutes. FOR THE LOVE OF CHEESE JUST HAVE A MATCH! Tygress gets on commentary. Wright and Kidman start us off. Ok make that Kidman and Adams start us off.
Disqo points out to the announcers that hes the wrestler on the month in WCW magazine. This is far sloppier than you would expect. Adams hits the full nelson slam to Kidman but Wright tags himself in to try to get the pin. Since the time thing is going to be the ending of course it only gets two so Rey and Clark come in. Rey has horns on his head. What is with his odd choices in costumes?
Clark has a stopwatch going so he knows how much longer he has to be here. Basic idea here: Kronik beats up the little guys and then Wright comes in like the cowardly heel to steal pin attempts. Wright vs. Rey now. Madden hits on Tygress and after six minutes and fifteen seconds or so, Kronik leaves. They couldnt even get TIME right? Wright gets in a bit of offense after that but a modified Whats Up ends him.
Rating: D+. They messed up TIME. Do you have any idea how hard it is to mess up a time angle when they allegedly had a stopwatch there with them? The match was just barely ok either with both teams just wasting time until the stupid part of the match could come into play. In other words, the big strong guys had no problems against the small guys but just left so the small guys could win. Give me a break.
Mike Sanders has an idea.
Steiner is with Gene and the rather hot Midajah who has HUGE buzumbas. Steiner says hes insane.
Shane Douglas vs. Ernest Miller
Shane says hes not afraid of Miller. Miller says hes going to twist Shanes ass. Ms. Jones and Torrie are here at least so we have them to look at. They hit the floor almost immediately and are on the table. Madden got kicked in the throat apparently and Stevie is losing it over that. Now he cheers against Miller the whole time and is very annoying. Well at least Torries back is to the ring and she has a nice ass. Franchise keeps using the neck crank which looks awful even for a neck crank.
A sunset flip is blocked by Miller who just has to throw in a crotch chop for the fun of it I guess. The crowd is DEAD here. Miller gets the Feliner out of nowhere and takes forever to cover, resulting in two. The girls go at it a bit which allows Shane to get a chain out of his tights which gets two. The referee shoves Shane into a rollup for two. And then Ms. Jones slips Cat a shoe from a briefcase to hit Shane with it for the win. You know, instead of the briefcase.
Rating: D. Shane in WCW sucked. Miller sucked period. The only good stuff in this match was the hotness of the women. Outside of that there was absolutely nothing special here, yet this match managed to get eight minutes of PPV time. Did I mention this show had 12 matches? This match gets eight minutes of time .why? Did ANYONE want to see these two fight? Let the girls fight if nothing else. Horrible match.
Some people tell Jarrett that Buff broke all of Jeffs guitars.
The Misfits in Actions say the General will take no prisoners and use other military expressions.
Glacier is coming back. The announcers crack up laughing and making fun of it.
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Mike Awesome
Awesome is in the hospital so we get a replacement instead. Flair tells us thats what we get in his I think 5th appearance tonight? Flair says we have 10,000 people here. Its closer to 1/3 of that but who cares about facts?
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Sgt. AWOL
The fans are clearly not interested at all and the only thing keeping them awake is the potential of a table spot as AWOL brought one with him. Its a standard bad big man match which goes nowhere at all. Bigelow finally goes for the Greetings From Asbury Park (over the shoulder Piledriver) but has it countered. Table is brought in, chokeslam doesnt work, the Greetings From Asbury Park end it. Somehow this took nearly six minutes.
Rating: D-. Dude, give us SOMETHING of note. I beg of you. Boring big man match that went absolutely nowhere at all. Id assume Awesome was legitimately hurt or something, hence him not being in this. And obviously we couldnt cancel this because we NEEDED a dozen matches on the card right?
Bigelow is taken out on a stretcher after collapsing after the match. He wrestled at Starrcade and I cant find anything that says this is legit anywhere.
Buff Bagwell has part of Jeffs guitar and doesnt seem to be that worried about Bigelow but has no problem talking about how he had that injury before.
We recap Rection vs. Storm which is basically America vs. Canada. Major Gunns, a chick with huge boobs, turned on the Misfits so no one really cares. This is the final match no matter what.
US Title: Lance Storm vs. General Rection
They take Bigelow out while Storm comes out. Nice guys there. Gunns looks great at least. Storm says hes fighting hurt which no one believes. Storm is champion here. We get a Rocky Horror reference for no apparent reason at all. And to the shock of no one that has paid attention to this company, Bigelow pops up and drills Rection from behind and of course hes fine. Reason for this? Who cares? Logic behind this? Not important. ITS A SWERVE!
Stevie says its coming together now. What the hell is coming together??? How in the hell does this make sense? What does Bigelow have to do with the Canadians? Id assume he was paid off or something but why should we need to be told that? Storm works on the head. Uh make that the ribs. Or maybe the knee. And so much for that as Rection sends him into the railing to break the momentum.
And so much for THAT as Storm kicks him in the knee to take over again. Storm goes for the Maple Leaf back in the ring but cant get it on before the General gets to the ropes. They really tried to push Rection at the very end but at the end of the day his name was General Rection so no one bought this. Rection tries to make another comeback but the second best superkick in wrestling takes him down.
Rection gets a powerslam and Gunns crotches him as he goes up for the moonsault. And never mind as he just gets up and hits it anyway. Rection hit two offensive moves and the moonsault is a BIG stretch as it was more or less a headbutt with a twist. This might be the weakest feud ending win for a face that I have ever seen.
Rating: D. Major Gunns looked good in those tight shorts and thats about it. They cut the legs out from under Rection here as he was DOMINATED and got taken down by Storm time after time again. This was just awful with Storm looking completely dominant. There was about five minutes missing here but we got the Mancow vs. Hart match baby!
Sanders is STILL talking. He gets rid of security for no apparent reason but I think it means more Thriller sightings.
The announcers talk about how great Rection is and now we talk about the main events some more.
Ad for Starrcade which I have coming soon.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Buff Bagwell
Yeah this is more or less the top of the midcard match. Jarrett says nothing of note at all. He does manage to screw up and call himself a stupid star before translating that into superstar. Theyre feuding just because apparently. The clips just show Jarrett jumping them and then various brawls. Bagwell starts us off with a well timed flip of the bird to Jarrett.
The Buff one starts out on offense here with his swinging neckbreaker. They never got the right push for Bagwell, namely due to dumb booking with him. They gave him a win over Flair in a tag match on Nitro and he talked about him for weeks (this was in July of 99 mind you). His match at the PPV? A boxing match vs. Piper while his mom took care of Flair. See what I mean?
He dominates here for the most part as you know hes not going to win in the end because Jarrett is a main event guy and Bagwell isnt so we cant let him get a win over one. Jarrett gets a chair shot in to the ribs of Buff for no apparent reason. Apparently Bagwells neck injury from 2-3 years ago is still a vulnerable part of him. A sleeper gets two arm drops and we still havent gotten anywhere.
You can completely see that no one cares at this point and that the company is completely dead. They just dont care because they know theyre just prolonging the inevitable. Theres no point to this match and its just two guys that they had on their roster that needed something to do because they needed to pay them. Thats the extent of the point of this.
Blockbuster misses and Buff might be injured. After the Bigelow match though is anyone going to really care? A tornado DDT hits Jarrett for two. And there goes the referee who has hurt his leg. Jarrett brings in a chair but David Flair comes in and DDTs Jarrett onto it. Naturally this only gets two as well, thereby making this completely pointless.
Bagwell goes up but instead of the Blockbuster its a cross body which Jarrett rolls through for two. A reverse DDT gets two as the referee clearly stops early. Id assume Jarrett missed his cue or something. Jarrett misses a cross body and gets a guitar from the floor. Naturally the referee doesnt see the pieces of the guitar next to the unconscious Bagwell or the BIG LOUD CRACK OF THE GUITAR HITTING HIM IN THE HEAD. That ends it.
Rating: D+. This was longer but there is a complete lack of emotion from anyone at all here. Everyone is just going through the motions and its so painfully obvious and it makes this show just completely uninteresting at all. This was two guys in a ring doing moves to each other before a screwjob ending. Thats it. There was nothing more to it than that, and thats not good enough.
We recap the Thrillers beating up Nash who was their coach. DDP came out to save Nash and that set up this. Thats it. They flat out say theyre the old guys and theyre going to beat the young guys.
Tag Titles: Perfect Event vs. Insiders
Perfect Event is Palumbo and Stasiak. Sanders comes out AGAIN to talk. Yep hes doing commentary. And I was right: the other Thrillers are the new security tonight. The fans want Hall. Nash and Palumbo start us off. Palumbo couldnt do much other than look good in tights but he could throw a DAMN good punch. And of course Nash beats him down with relative ease.
Nash and Page manage to beat up ALL of the Thrillers with ease. And here comes Flair and the normal security to get rid of the Thrillers. So yeah they can beat up seven guys but were supposed to believe that two of them can give the old guys a legit challenge. Sanders gets to stay on commentary and has a managers license apparently.
The Insiders beat up Stasiak with ease here. Oh wait theres a DDT that is supposed to make us believe the challengers are in trouble and might not be getting the belts here. Stasiak gets Page down and walks around him. Thats all he does: just walks around him. He always was the weakest of the Thrillers. Nash gives a crotch chop to the referee because thats about the extent of what he does anymore.
We see Stasiaks ass and he doesnt get it for the vast majority of the time. Yep its bad comedy. Madden points out the odd idea that the champions are underdogs. He is promptly brushed off. Nice referees there. Page fights out of the corner but Palumbo stops him. Madden says this is the match of Palumbos life so far. If thats the case he doesnt have much of a life.
Page vs. Stasiak now and nothing special is happening. Classic old school tag move as the referee misses the tag to Nash. Tony: Ive never been in the ring but it would seem to me that the first person to get a tag would give his team an advantage. You cant buy analysts like these. Nash comes in and make sure to watch your legs because Tony is DIVING to that floor to suck his dick. Sanders tries to interfere and it means nothing as the Jackknife ends it.
Rating: C-. This was the second best match of the night and its formula tag stuff at its best. This is nothing at all to talk about but that would kind of defeat the point of this match so you get the concept. The old guys were in about a total of zero danger here at all and there was never any real doubt of the title change. The titles would be returned to the Perfect Event in eight days, making this, say it with me, TOTALLY POINTLESS!
Luger wants more respect from Pamela. He says Goldberg blew his chance at a title shot somehow. I guess he means Goldberg turning face or shooting on Russo or something.
We recap Goldberg vs. Luger where the idea is to have Goldberg recreate his famous streak to get another title shot. Luger is next in short and is really self obsessed.
Goldberg vs. Lex Luger
Goldberg gets the big entrance and the announcers bury him for the most part, saying he may not be good enough but he might be in the right place at the right time. Nice thing to say about him. Goldberg is 24-0 at this point with this angle starting a few weeks ago. Stevie thinks itll take 2-3 years or so. Belly to back suplex doesnt keep Goldberg down at all.
Lex hits him a lot and poses before getting his head handed to him. Goldberg backs off of Luger for no apparent reason. Theres the steel forearm and Goldberg barely stays down at all. Madden says you cant spear a guy near the ropes. Uh yeah you can fat boy. We head to the floor for a few seconds and so much for that as were back in the ring. Madden tries to tell us that Lugers brains have always been his best weapon. WOW.
Goldberg is just like screw it and hits a powerslam and pounds away. He sets for the spear and since the referee is near Luger he is pulled into the spear and both guys go down. Jackhammer to Luger and a second referee comes in to count the pin with no issues at all, making the ref bump, say it with me, TOTALLY POINTLESS. This was less than six minutes long.
Rating: D. This was way too short but maybe thats the best they could do given that Luger was just awful at this point. The ref bump meant nothing of course and the match was a glorified squash with Goldberg just shrugging off all of Lugers offense. Was there a point to not having Goldberg as the top guy in the company? Ah I forgot: he was under 40.
Very quick recap on Steiner vs. Booker: they fought before so theyre fighting again.
WCW World Title: Scott Steiner vs. Booker T
This is a straightjacket cage match. I think the straightjacket is on the corner of the cage or something. Its a Hell in a Cell style cage. Steiner jumps him as he gets into the cage and Buffer just keeps talking anyway. Booker is all aggressive to start and it gets him nowhere. I was right: its a straightjacket on a poll match in a cage. Russo lives!!! Steiner takes over and hammers away on Booker for a good while. Booker gets in some shots here and there but cant get anything going long term.
Spinning belly to belly gets two. Steiner does more or less an Angle Slam from the middle rope and it also gets two. No movement towards the straightjacket yet or anything like that at all. We get a bearhug and Booker escapes to get a missile dropkick for two. And thats the end of Bookers offense at the moment. Steiner gets the straightjacket but Booker puts him down. Scott of course gets up first because hes old.
Booker is able to get the jacket on for the most part. Stevie gets in the best line of his career: IF HE CAN PUT THE STRAIGHTJACKET ON HIM WHY CANT HE PIN HIM??? Because that would make sense Stevie. Booker gets the jacket on and doesnt bother to tie it or anything so hes really just insulated Steiner against some upper body offense at this point. Nice job champ. The champ hits the floor and grabs a chair. The lead pipe he passed up wasnt to his liking I guess.
Steiner more or less no sells chair shots and then rips the arms off the jacket. Theres the Recliner which has about NO pressure on it as hes on his knees and theres no crank on it at all. Booker makes the ropes which breaks the hold in a cage match of course. Bookend gets two and theres the end of Bookers reign for all intents and purposes. Steiner pops up from EVERYTHING, including the Axe Kick. A chair shot sets up the passing out in the Recliner to make Steiner champion and end the show.
Rating: D+. Boring match for the most part with Steiner beating the living hell out of Booker and winning with a bad finisher and making the beginning of the title reign that was going on when the company was bought. Stevie yelling about Booker losing is kind of amusing as I type this. Decent enough match I guess but sweet damn was he going to be uninteresting. The guy brought in to fight him next month: Sid. Well of course he is. At least the show is over.
Steiner beats up Booker with a chair post match.
Overall Rating: D-. Ok lets see. There were 12 matches, most of them sucked or were ok at best, Steiner didnt sell about 90% of Bookers stuff so he looks weak, Goldberg is squashing people again, of the 12 matches, three got higher than 9 minutes, and a radio show host got time on a PPV. The company was over at this point and its pretty clear that everyone knew it.
Date: November 26, 2000
Location: U.S. Cellular Arena, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Attendance: 3,800
Commentators: Stevie Ray, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone
Were really close to the end of the company here as we have four PPVs left, one of which Ive done already. The old guys being the major stars here is once again in full swing as Booker vs. Steiner is the main event. We also have Goldberg vs. Luger and DDP/Nash vs. the Perfect Event for the tag titles. Im really not looking forward to this as the comedy era is already over and its just dead now. Lets get to this.
Booker gets here and runs into a bunch of fans that want autographs. He signs like three and then leaves. Apparently they can get into the building with ease.
Steiner shows up and says hes not signing in anywhere so he destroys the security table. Gee isnt it great theres a signing thing that both guys can do which CLEARLY arent related at all?
The main event is apparently a cage match. Make that a straightjacket steel cage match. Oh dear.
The opening video is about what Mayhem means and talks about the main event. And the Luger match. And the tag title match. Nice to see those young guys getting pushed.
We see a clip from earlier where Flair, the CEO/authority figure at the moment, comes out to talk to the crowd. And theres a waste of a minute.
Cruiserweight Title: Mike Sanders vs. Kwee Wee
Kwee Wee is more or less Rico lite and has an alter ego known as Angry Alan. We see clips of Goldberg destroying Kwee Wee on Nitro. Uh ok then. Nice to see the young guy getting pushed so hard. We see Goldberg destroying Sanders also. Wow great job of pushing these guys as meaning something. Sanders bitch slaps Kwee Wee and here we go. We get the Angry Alan part to start us off here with Above Average Mike Sanders being in trouble very early.
Here come the Thrillers and we get the dumbest referee spot I have ever seen. The referee sees the Thrillers coming and stops Kwee Wee from jumping them. Jindrak hits a springboard clothesline to take out Kwee Wee but the referee turns and doesnt see it. He see Kwee Wee down and Jindrak on the other side of the ring and is just fine with this. Yep thats the kind of show to expect here it seems. There is a very cool spot where Jindrak and OHair throw Kwee Wee over the top from the floor and Sanders catches him in a powerslam. Awesome.
And here goes any sense of wrestling in the match as Meng of all people comes out with Paisley (Kwee Wees manager and more commonly known as Sharmell, Bookers wife) in a big afro wig. He fights the Thrillers and gets Reno and Stasiak in Tongan Death Grips to take them down. Ric Flair and security comes out to get rid of everyone. This whole time we havent had a single shot of the match.
Theyve managed to overbook the opening match. And people wonder why this company went out of business. And now back to the backdrop that is our title match. And we come back for a chinlock. Madden and Stevie get into it about Stevie being in his brothers shadow for years. Getting a little personal there buddy. They argue over what a hold is called forever. Heres the face comeback.
Sanders is the Commissioner at this point. Madden: this never happens to Paul Tagliabue (Roger Goodell for you younger fans). Kwee Wee goes for a sunset powerbomb to the floor but Sanders gets a nice counter into a rana. Paisley hands Kwee Wee the afro for no apparent reason. And now she comes in and hits a handspring elbow which isnt a DQ either. Sanders grabs Kwee Wee and hits the 3.0 (Ortons backbreaker. I love that pun) for the pin to retain maybe 3 seconds later.
Rating: D. Just stupid bullshit here from WCW, the undisputed master of stupid bullshit. Was there any reason to overbook a Cruiserweight Title match between the commissioner and a comedy character? We technically had 9 run-ins with six Thrillers, Meng, Flair and Paisley. Seriously, we get it. Theres no need to have this much additional stuff going on. The match was boring on top of that, or at least what I saw of it was.
Flair says no interference tonight. Is this a joke or something?
Disqo and Alex buy Kronik for half of a fifteen minute match because they cant afford the full thing. Its a handicap match but apparently Disqo (thats how it was spelled at the time) is hurt so its less of a handicap match now. What the fuck ever.
Evan Karagis and Jamie Noble (Noble and Karagis. Get it?), the members of 3 Count and the Jung Dragons that were thrown out, have made a tag team because WCW thought that after having those six guys open about 28 Thunders in a row we could just make it three teams instead of two and it would be fresh. Evan is more or less the North Carolina version of Jersey Shore and drives everyone crazy. In a SHOCKING coincidence, Evan used to date Nobles sister in high school apparently. I hate my life.
Crowbar, the crazy Hardcore Champion, is a ladies man now. He sings some Bee Gees and gets a bouquet of flowers from a secret admirer. This went nowhere Id assume.
3 Count vs. Jung Dragons vs. Jamie Noble/Evan Karagis
Shane Helms (Gregory of course) says Evan has a small penis. They do their song thing. Ill give WCW this: the boy band thing was an awesome gimmick. The Dragons have a Japanese dominatrix (Leia Meow, more commonly known as Kimona from ECW) with them. The Dragons jump the new team in the aisle and its on. Karagis and Noble get left on the floor so we have a regular tag match in the ring.
We get a bad comedy bit where both teams try to throw the others together in the middle but both manage to stop and dance. Did I mention 3 Count had a guy named Tank Abbott that was big, fat, and out of place with them? I assure you that when that happened it was Too Cool. Karagis vs. Helms as we finally get an actual match going here. The fans say 3 Count Sucks to which Madden says theyre chanting for 3 Count.
3 Count gets a modified German and a spinwheel kick to take down Noble in a nice move. Shannon Moore, the other part of 3 Count, gets a Fameasser on Kaz as Tony implies one of these teams could get a tag title shot. Thats very amusing. The referee misses two straight rollups and Stevie is fed up with him for it. And if theres one thing you dont want, its the horror of STEVIE RAY coming after you.
Everyone in now and Kaz hits a brainbuster on Karagis for two. Helms hits the Nightmare on Helm Street which is a great name. We unleash the dives so everyone is down on the floor. Meow gets on the top and dives to the floor to take out all six guys in a cool spot. Noble gets a big old ladder which foreshadows the ladder match they would have at Starrcade which was ok but not great.
Everything goes nuts, as in more nuts than it already had, and a bunch of miscommunication lead to high spots. The Dragons are in there beating on Shannon at the moment so some things never change I guess. Helms pops up out of nowhere and a Samoan Drop/swinging neckbreaker takes out Yun (Jimmy Yang) to end this.
Rating: B-. Fun stuff for the vast majority, but when youve seen this pairing literally for the last 5 months with nothing changing at all and no real stories at all being different, it kind of defeats the point entirely. The match was your usual spot fest which meant it was exciting and Im glad it didnt open the card, but at the end of the day, so what?
We IMMEDIATELY cut away from the post match celebration to see Bigelow beat up Mike Awesome before Sgt. AWOL makes the save.
Kronik and the Boogie Knights are with Pamela Paulshock, who might be the hottest interviewer of all time, no exceptions. Yes that includes Josh Matthews. This just resays everything from before.
Jimmy Hart is challenging radio show hosts and has a guy named Mancow tonight. This is apparently continuing an injury angle from a year ago where Jimmys leg got hurt by him or something. Yes, this is on PPV.
The Thrillers are freaking out on Sanders over nothing of note.
Mancow vs. Jimmy Hart
Mancow has some group of pests with him which are ripoffs of the Wack Pack from Howard Stern Id assume. Oh and Madden is a fat son of a bitch. This is far more talking and cursing from Mancow who says hes George W Bush and Jimmy is Al Gore. Yes weve come to that. And heres 3 Count for absolutely no apparent reason to beat up Mancow. Jimmy is fine of course. A shot with the cast ends this for Mancow. He wins that is. Yes this got almost five minutes combined.
Awesome is out of the match later.
The Misfits in Action say they should be at ringside tonight. Flair comes in to talk to AWOL and Id assume puts him in Awesomes place.
Bigelow is talking to Lance Storm. 4 seconds of film on this.
The Filthy Animals arent worried about Kronik and Disqo.
Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. Crowbar vs. Reno
Crowbar is champion. I think Awesome was supposed to be in this. The other two start without the champion for all of 5 seconds before he comes down. Point to that? Anybody? Vito and Reno have a history together that somehow involves Vitos sister but it was never explained. Crowbar has an abdominal injury. Apparently Awesome was in the match with Bigelow later. So why did Crowbar say he was his partner tonight? I give up.
Vito shrugs off kendo stick shots from Crowbar and pulls out a traffic cone and a ball bat. Why would you bring both of those? Oh so you can do stupid groin shots. Heres an idea: HIT THEM IN THE BALLS WITH THE BAT ITSELF! Crowbar gets a German suplex to annoy Madden. Crowbar and Reno double team Vito for a bit and then down goes Crowbar.
Reno and Vito fight to the back (and I use the term fight loosely) with Crowbar behind them. And down he goes to a trashcan shot. Powerslam puts Vito through a table. And heres Vitos sister Marie (hot) to stop Reno from killing him, saying shes been done with this a long time. Crowbar cracks him with a chair to end this and retain the title.
Rating: D. And again WCW tries to mimic WWFs Hardcore division and fails as usual. They tried to make it legit I think and it just failed every time. The whole Reno/Vito thing went on forever and never went anywhere which made it all the worse. This was about as by the books of a hardcore match as you could ask for with nothing of note at all going on.
Buff Bagwell is looking for the equipment truck.
Nash and Page, the Insiders, say nothing of note.
Gene is with Ernest Miller and Ms. Jones. His first line: Ms. Jones, you are delicious. WOW. Miller says if he cant beat Shane Douglas tonight hell leave the country for thirty days. Gene says he could rock Ms. Jones world. If she had a shot of Vitamin G shed be up all night. Hokey smoke.
Filthy Animals vs. Alex Wright/Kronik
Ok so this was supposed to be Konnan/Kidman/Rey vs. Disqo/Wright. Konnan isnt here so its Rey/Kidman as the Filthy Animals vs. Wright/Kronik but Kronik is leaving after seven and a half minutes. FOR THE LOVE OF CHEESE JUST HAVE A MATCH! Tygress gets on commentary. Wright and Kidman start us off. Ok make that Kidman and Adams start us off.
Disqo points out to the announcers that hes the wrestler on the month in WCW magazine. This is far sloppier than you would expect. Adams hits the full nelson slam to Kidman but Wright tags himself in to try to get the pin. Since the time thing is going to be the ending of course it only gets two so Rey and Clark come in. Rey has horns on his head. What is with his odd choices in costumes?
Clark has a stopwatch going so he knows how much longer he has to be here. Basic idea here: Kronik beats up the little guys and then Wright comes in like the cowardly heel to steal pin attempts. Wright vs. Rey now. Madden hits on Tygress and after six minutes and fifteen seconds or so, Kronik leaves. They couldnt even get TIME right? Wright gets in a bit of offense after that but a modified Whats Up ends him.
Rating: D+. They messed up TIME. Do you have any idea how hard it is to mess up a time angle when they allegedly had a stopwatch there with them? The match was just barely ok either with both teams just wasting time until the stupid part of the match could come into play. In other words, the big strong guys had no problems against the small guys but just left so the small guys could win. Give me a break.
Mike Sanders has an idea.
Steiner is with Gene and the rather hot Midajah who has HUGE buzumbas. Steiner says hes insane.
Shane Douglas vs. Ernest Miller
Shane says hes not afraid of Miller. Miller says hes going to twist Shanes ass. Ms. Jones and Torrie are here at least so we have them to look at. They hit the floor almost immediately and are on the table. Madden got kicked in the throat apparently and Stevie is losing it over that. Now he cheers against Miller the whole time and is very annoying. Well at least Torries back is to the ring and she has a nice ass. Franchise keeps using the neck crank which looks awful even for a neck crank.
A sunset flip is blocked by Miller who just has to throw in a crotch chop for the fun of it I guess. The crowd is DEAD here. Miller gets the Feliner out of nowhere and takes forever to cover, resulting in two. The girls go at it a bit which allows Shane to get a chain out of his tights which gets two. The referee shoves Shane into a rollup for two. And then Ms. Jones slips Cat a shoe from a briefcase to hit Shane with it for the win. You know, instead of the briefcase.
Rating: D. Shane in WCW sucked. Miller sucked period. The only good stuff in this match was the hotness of the women. Outside of that there was absolutely nothing special here, yet this match managed to get eight minutes of PPV time. Did I mention this show had 12 matches? This match gets eight minutes of time .why? Did ANYONE want to see these two fight? Let the girls fight if nothing else. Horrible match.
Some people tell Jarrett that Buff broke all of Jeffs guitars.
The Misfits in Actions say the General will take no prisoners and use other military expressions.
Glacier is coming back. The announcers crack up laughing and making fun of it.
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Mike Awesome
Awesome is in the hospital so we get a replacement instead. Flair tells us thats what we get in his I think 5th appearance tonight? Flair says we have 10,000 people here. Its closer to 1/3 of that but who cares about facts?
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Sgt. AWOL
The fans are clearly not interested at all and the only thing keeping them awake is the potential of a table spot as AWOL brought one with him. Its a standard bad big man match which goes nowhere at all. Bigelow finally goes for the Greetings From Asbury Park (over the shoulder Piledriver) but has it countered. Table is brought in, chokeslam doesnt work, the Greetings From Asbury Park end it. Somehow this took nearly six minutes.
Rating: D-. Dude, give us SOMETHING of note. I beg of you. Boring big man match that went absolutely nowhere at all. Id assume Awesome was legitimately hurt or something, hence him not being in this. And obviously we couldnt cancel this because we NEEDED a dozen matches on the card right?
Bigelow is taken out on a stretcher after collapsing after the match. He wrestled at Starrcade and I cant find anything that says this is legit anywhere.
Buff Bagwell has part of Jeffs guitar and doesnt seem to be that worried about Bigelow but has no problem talking about how he had that injury before.
We recap Rection vs. Storm which is basically America vs. Canada. Major Gunns, a chick with huge boobs, turned on the Misfits so no one really cares. This is the final match no matter what.
US Title: Lance Storm vs. General Rection
They take Bigelow out while Storm comes out. Nice guys there. Gunns looks great at least. Storm says hes fighting hurt which no one believes. Storm is champion here. We get a Rocky Horror reference for no apparent reason at all. And to the shock of no one that has paid attention to this company, Bigelow pops up and drills Rection from behind and of course hes fine. Reason for this? Who cares? Logic behind this? Not important. ITS A SWERVE!
Stevie says its coming together now. What the hell is coming together??? How in the hell does this make sense? What does Bigelow have to do with the Canadians? Id assume he was paid off or something but why should we need to be told that? Storm works on the head. Uh make that the ribs. Or maybe the knee. And so much for that as Rection sends him into the railing to break the momentum.
And so much for THAT as Storm kicks him in the knee to take over again. Storm goes for the Maple Leaf back in the ring but cant get it on before the General gets to the ropes. They really tried to push Rection at the very end but at the end of the day his name was General Rection so no one bought this. Rection tries to make another comeback but the second best superkick in wrestling takes him down.
Rection gets a powerslam and Gunns crotches him as he goes up for the moonsault. And never mind as he just gets up and hits it anyway. Rection hit two offensive moves and the moonsault is a BIG stretch as it was more or less a headbutt with a twist. This might be the weakest feud ending win for a face that I have ever seen.
Rating: D. Major Gunns looked good in those tight shorts and thats about it. They cut the legs out from under Rection here as he was DOMINATED and got taken down by Storm time after time again. This was just awful with Storm looking completely dominant. There was about five minutes missing here but we got the Mancow vs. Hart match baby!
Sanders is STILL talking. He gets rid of security for no apparent reason but I think it means more Thriller sightings.
The announcers talk about how great Rection is and now we talk about the main events some more.
Ad for Starrcade which I have coming soon.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Buff Bagwell
Yeah this is more or less the top of the midcard match. Jarrett says nothing of note at all. He does manage to screw up and call himself a stupid star before translating that into superstar. Theyre feuding just because apparently. The clips just show Jarrett jumping them and then various brawls. Bagwell starts us off with a well timed flip of the bird to Jarrett.
The Buff one starts out on offense here with his swinging neckbreaker. They never got the right push for Bagwell, namely due to dumb booking with him. They gave him a win over Flair in a tag match on Nitro and he talked about him for weeks (this was in July of 99 mind you). His match at the PPV? A boxing match vs. Piper while his mom took care of Flair. See what I mean?
He dominates here for the most part as you know hes not going to win in the end because Jarrett is a main event guy and Bagwell isnt so we cant let him get a win over one. Jarrett gets a chair shot in to the ribs of Buff for no apparent reason. Apparently Bagwells neck injury from 2-3 years ago is still a vulnerable part of him. A sleeper gets two arm drops and we still havent gotten anywhere.
You can completely see that no one cares at this point and that the company is completely dead. They just dont care because they know theyre just prolonging the inevitable. Theres no point to this match and its just two guys that they had on their roster that needed something to do because they needed to pay them. Thats the extent of the point of this.
Blockbuster misses and Buff might be injured. After the Bigelow match though is anyone going to really care? A tornado DDT hits Jarrett for two. And there goes the referee who has hurt his leg. Jarrett brings in a chair but David Flair comes in and DDTs Jarrett onto it. Naturally this only gets two as well, thereby making this completely pointless.
Bagwell goes up but instead of the Blockbuster its a cross body which Jarrett rolls through for two. A reverse DDT gets two as the referee clearly stops early. Id assume Jarrett missed his cue or something. Jarrett misses a cross body and gets a guitar from the floor. Naturally the referee doesnt see the pieces of the guitar next to the unconscious Bagwell or the BIG LOUD CRACK OF THE GUITAR HITTING HIM IN THE HEAD. That ends it.
Rating: D+. This was longer but there is a complete lack of emotion from anyone at all here. Everyone is just going through the motions and its so painfully obvious and it makes this show just completely uninteresting at all. This was two guys in a ring doing moves to each other before a screwjob ending. Thats it. There was nothing more to it than that, and thats not good enough.
We recap the Thrillers beating up Nash who was their coach. DDP came out to save Nash and that set up this. Thats it. They flat out say theyre the old guys and theyre going to beat the young guys.
Tag Titles: Perfect Event vs. Insiders
Perfect Event is Palumbo and Stasiak. Sanders comes out AGAIN to talk. Yep hes doing commentary. And I was right: the other Thrillers are the new security tonight. The fans want Hall. Nash and Palumbo start us off. Palumbo couldnt do much other than look good in tights but he could throw a DAMN good punch. And of course Nash beats him down with relative ease.
Nash and Page manage to beat up ALL of the Thrillers with ease. And here comes Flair and the normal security to get rid of the Thrillers. So yeah they can beat up seven guys but were supposed to believe that two of them can give the old guys a legit challenge. Sanders gets to stay on commentary and has a managers license apparently.
The Insiders beat up Stasiak with ease here. Oh wait theres a DDT that is supposed to make us believe the challengers are in trouble and might not be getting the belts here. Stasiak gets Page down and walks around him. Thats all he does: just walks around him. He always was the weakest of the Thrillers. Nash gives a crotch chop to the referee because thats about the extent of what he does anymore.
We see Stasiaks ass and he doesnt get it for the vast majority of the time. Yep its bad comedy. Madden points out the odd idea that the champions are underdogs. He is promptly brushed off. Nice referees there. Page fights out of the corner but Palumbo stops him. Madden says this is the match of Palumbos life so far. If thats the case he doesnt have much of a life.
Page vs. Stasiak now and nothing special is happening. Classic old school tag move as the referee misses the tag to Nash. Tony: Ive never been in the ring but it would seem to me that the first person to get a tag would give his team an advantage. You cant buy analysts like these. Nash comes in and make sure to watch your legs because Tony is DIVING to that floor to suck his dick. Sanders tries to interfere and it means nothing as the Jackknife ends it.
Rating: C-. This was the second best match of the night and its formula tag stuff at its best. This is nothing at all to talk about but that would kind of defeat the point of this match so you get the concept. The old guys were in about a total of zero danger here at all and there was never any real doubt of the title change. The titles would be returned to the Perfect Event in eight days, making this, say it with me, TOTALLY POINTLESS!
Luger wants more respect from Pamela. He says Goldberg blew his chance at a title shot somehow. I guess he means Goldberg turning face or shooting on Russo or something.
We recap Goldberg vs. Luger where the idea is to have Goldberg recreate his famous streak to get another title shot. Luger is next in short and is really self obsessed.
Goldberg vs. Lex Luger
Goldberg gets the big entrance and the announcers bury him for the most part, saying he may not be good enough but he might be in the right place at the right time. Nice thing to say about him. Goldberg is 24-0 at this point with this angle starting a few weeks ago. Stevie thinks itll take 2-3 years or so. Belly to back suplex doesnt keep Goldberg down at all.
Lex hits him a lot and poses before getting his head handed to him. Goldberg backs off of Luger for no apparent reason. Theres the steel forearm and Goldberg barely stays down at all. Madden says you cant spear a guy near the ropes. Uh yeah you can fat boy. We head to the floor for a few seconds and so much for that as were back in the ring. Madden tries to tell us that Lugers brains have always been his best weapon. WOW.
Goldberg is just like screw it and hits a powerslam and pounds away. He sets for the spear and since the referee is near Luger he is pulled into the spear and both guys go down. Jackhammer to Luger and a second referee comes in to count the pin with no issues at all, making the ref bump, say it with me, TOTALLY POINTLESS. This was less than six minutes long.
Rating: D. This was way too short but maybe thats the best they could do given that Luger was just awful at this point. The ref bump meant nothing of course and the match was a glorified squash with Goldberg just shrugging off all of Lugers offense. Was there a point to not having Goldberg as the top guy in the company? Ah I forgot: he was under 40.
Very quick recap on Steiner vs. Booker: they fought before so theyre fighting again.
WCW World Title: Scott Steiner vs. Booker T
This is a straightjacket cage match. I think the straightjacket is on the corner of the cage or something. Its a Hell in a Cell style cage. Steiner jumps him as he gets into the cage and Buffer just keeps talking anyway. Booker is all aggressive to start and it gets him nowhere. I was right: its a straightjacket on a poll match in a cage. Russo lives!!! Steiner takes over and hammers away on Booker for a good while. Booker gets in some shots here and there but cant get anything going long term.
Spinning belly to belly gets two. Steiner does more or less an Angle Slam from the middle rope and it also gets two. No movement towards the straightjacket yet or anything like that at all. We get a bearhug and Booker escapes to get a missile dropkick for two. And thats the end of Bookers offense at the moment. Steiner gets the straightjacket but Booker puts him down. Scott of course gets up first because hes old.
Booker is able to get the jacket on for the most part. Stevie gets in the best line of his career: IF HE CAN PUT THE STRAIGHTJACKET ON HIM WHY CANT HE PIN HIM??? Because that would make sense Stevie. Booker gets the jacket on and doesnt bother to tie it or anything so hes really just insulated Steiner against some upper body offense at this point. Nice job champ. The champ hits the floor and grabs a chair. The lead pipe he passed up wasnt to his liking I guess.
Steiner more or less no sells chair shots and then rips the arms off the jacket. Theres the Recliner which has about NO pressure on it as hes on his knees and theres no crank on it at all. Booker makes the ropes which breaks the hold in a cage match of course. Bookend gets two and theres the end of Bookers reign for all intents and purposes. Steiner pops up from EVERYTHING, including the Axe Kick. A chair shot sets up the passing out in the Recliner to make Steiner champion and end the show.
Rating: D+. Boring match for the most part with Steiner beating the living hell out of Booker and winning with a bad finisher and making the beginning of the title reign that was going on when the company was bought. Stevie yelling about Booker losing is kind of amusing as I type this. Decent enough match I guess but sweet damn was he going to be uninteresting. The guy brought in to fight him next month: Sid. Well of course he is. At least the show is over.
Steiner beats up Booker with a chair post match.
Overall Rating: D-. Ok lets see. There were 12 matches, most of them sucked or were ok at best, Steiner didnt sell about 90% of Bookers stuff so he looks weak, Goldberg is squashing people again, of the 12 matches, three got higher than 9 minutes, and a radio show host got time on a PPV. The company was over at this point and its pretty clear that everyone knew it.
