Chances are, about 3 of you have heard of JoshiMania. I aim to change that.
Mainstream women's wrestling is a mess these days. Did you watch SmackDown on Tuesday? I did. I saw a pathetic excuse for a batte royale or a pole match or what the fuck ever that involved nothing more than a lot of poorly thrown punches and screaming before, after literally one minute, Brie Bella grabbed her prize from a pole and won. Just to make this utter abortion of a wrestling match even worse, the prize wasn't even a title shot, which is about the bare minimum one could ask - nope, instead, she gets to kiss a big, strapping lad of her choice between now and Christmas.
Well, ain't that just beautiful.
No, no it isn't actually. I'm tired of this crap. I'm tired of seeing absolutely useless women go out, shake their asses, do nothing worthwhile in the ring, and pretend that I should give a shit.
"But Harthan," you say in a tiny, pathetic voice. "What about the sex appeal?"
As I roundhouse kick you into oblivion, I explain, "Sex appeal? With ten seconds and a Google search I can be knee deep in pussy - literally. Who needs PG-13 models when, with the click of a button, I can watch a gorgeous woman get stuffed full of cock?"
Do you get the point? WWE women's wrestling is utterly useless. There are about two of them that could wrestle a match worth watching, and the WWE will never let them. The best we can hope for is the occasional two star glimpse of hope when they give them enough time and they don't both manage to botch every move. But, generally, they'll just keep blowing all their spots, cutting terrible non-promos, and shaking them titties because that's all they're worth.
Don't think TNA gets a pass. They used to be good, sure. When Awesome Kong was still around. Unfortunately for them, the Knockouts have become another ass-shaking clusterfuck that hasn't produced a match worth giving a damn about in eons. I watch TNA's latest Knockouts match the other day on Youtube. They trotted them all out in lingerie. They all posed for the cameras. They wrestled a terrible match. Brooke did her very best to be TNA's Kelly Kelly by making sure to shake her ass an awful lot. Then someone won - I couldn't tell you who because it was so utterly unmemorable - and Karen came out to call them all ****es.
Absolutely riveting television here, guys.
The point here is this - I am officially prepared to decree that mainstream women's wrestling in the WWE and TNA has hit an all-time low. And that's why JoshiMania is important.
What's JoshiMania, you ask? It's Chikara's brand spanking new post-season event featuring various huge stars of Japanese women's wrestling coming to America and teaching us that women can wrestle fantastic matches. You know, when they are actually wrestlers. And when they aren't forced to stop wrestling to be PG-13 sex stars. And when they aren't calling each other ****es all the time.
The reason JoshiMania is important is simple. It's because it is a chance to prove that just because the WWE and TNA have their heads up their respective asses and refuse to attempt to hire and book women innovatively, there are in fact women out there who could contend for the title of best wrestler in the world. Not best female wrestler in the world, but best wrestler in the world, period. There are women who will wrestle a match that will blow your socks off. There are women who will work compelling feuds. There are women who will make you give a damn about them as a wrestler and a character, and not a pair of tits.
Furthermore, JoshiMania is a celebration of how important women have been to wrestling, even though they don't get any credit for it. One of the little known facts
JoshiMania features some of the biggest women's matches one could put together right now. If I listed all the epic clashes I'd be here all night. Let me give you my highlight. Aja Kong vs Sara del Rey. Did you read that right? You're damn right you did. Sara del Rey, the best female North American wrestler right now and if you ask me, top 5 regardless of gender, taking on an absolute legend of joshi wrestling in Aja Kong, who is one of the hardest hitting people to ever step in a ring. You're going to get a four star+ match out of these two, I guarantee it. They will put on a match that will be mentioned in the discussion for MOTY - at least. Something no Diva and no Knockout will ever do in the current mainstream wrestling scene.
I'm imploring everyone who reads this - pay attention to JoshiMania. Buy a DVD when it comes out. Torrent it if you have to, but pay eventually, if you can. I want everyone out there to know that there are women in this business who aren't shit. Well, most of you probably already know that - I want you to care about it, now. Pay attention to this event, because it is going to be the strongest proof you can get that just because mainstream wrestling wants us to think women's wrestling is nothing more than bad softcore porn, it isn't so. It's as good as what men can do, and it's important to know that.
The simplest thing I can say about this is this: JoshiMania will be three fantastic nights of amazing wrestling. It's worth it to see it, one way or another. See it because it's going to be great wrestling - and see it because it is important. It's the most important thing for the state of women's wrestling right now. It's important because we all need to know and care that there is still great women's wrestling out there, and that it doesn't have to be like the mainstream scene makes it. And maybe that will change something.
Mainstream women's wrestling is a mess these days. Did you watch SmackDown on Tuesday? I did. I saw a pathetic excuse for a batte royale or a pole match or what the fuck ever that involved nothing more than a lot of poorly thrown punches and screaming before, after literally one minute, Brie Bella grabbed her prize from a pole and won. Just to make this utter abortion of a wrestling match even worse, the prize wasn't even a title shot, which is about the bare minimum one could ask - nope, instead, she gets to kiss a big, strapping lad of her choice between now and Christmas.
Well, ain't that just beautiful.
No, no it isn't actually. I'm tired of this crap. I'm tired of seeing absolutely useless women go out, shake their asses, do nothing worthwhile in the ring, and pretend that I should give a shit.
"But Harthan," you say in a tiny, pathetic voice. "What about the sex appeal?"
As I roundhouse kick you into oblivion, I explain, "Sex appeal? With ten seconds and a Google search I can be knee deep in pussy - literally. Who needs PG-13 models when, with the click of a button, I can watch a gorgeous woman get stuffed full of cock?"
Do you get the point? WWE women's wrestling is utterly useless. There are about two of them that could wrestle a match worth watching, and the WWE will never let them. The best we can hope for is the occasional two star glimpse of hope when they give them enough time and they don't both manage to botch every move. But, generally, they'll just keep blowing all their spots, cutting terrible non-promos, and shaking them titties because that's all they're worth.
Don't think TNA gets a pass. They used to be good, sure. When Awesome Kong was still around. Unfortunately for them, the Knockouts have become another ass-shaking clusterfuck that hasn't produced a match worth giving a damn about in eons. I watch TNA's latest Knockouts match the other day on Youtube. They trotted them all out in lingerie. They all posed for the cameras. They wrestled a terrible match. Brooke did her very best to be TNA's Kelly Kelly by making sure to shake her ass an awful lot. Then someone won - I couldn't tell you who because it was so utterly unmemorable - and Karen came out to call them all ****es.
Absolutely riveting television here, guys.
The point here is this - I am officially prepared to decree that mainstream women's wrestling in the WWE and TNA has hit an all-time low. And that's why JoshiMania is important.
What's JoshiMania, you ask? It's Chikara's brand spanking new post-season event featuring various huge stars of Japanese women's wrestling coming to America and teaching us that women can wrestle fantastic matches. You know, when they are actually wrestlers. And when they aren't forced to stop wrestling to be PG-13 sex stars. And when they aren't calling each other ****es all the time.
The reason JoshiMania is important is simple. It's because it is a chance to prove that just because the WWE and TNA have their heads up their respective asses and refuse to attempt to hire and book women innovatively, there are in fact women out there who could contend for the title of best wrestler in the world. Not best female wrestler in the world, but best wrestler in the world, period. There are women who will wrestle a match that will blow your socks off. There are women who will work compelling feuds. There are women who will make you give a damn about them as a wrestler and a character, and not a pair of tits.
Furthermore, JoshiMania is a celebration of how important women have been to wrestling, even though they don't get any credit for it. One of the little known facts
JoshiMania features some of the biggest women's matches one could put together right now. If I listed all the epic clashes I'd be here all night. Let me give you my highlight. Aja Kong vs Sara del Rey. Did you read that right? You're damn right you did. Sara del Rey, the best female North American wrestler right now and if you ask me, top 5 regardless of gender, taking on an absolute legend of joshi wrestling in Aja Kong, who is one of the hardest hitting people to ever step in a ring. You're going to get a four star+ match out of these two, I guarantee it. They will put on a match that will be mentioned in the discussion for MOTY - at least. Something no Diva and no Knockout will ever do in the current mainstream wrestling scene.
I'm imploring everyone who reads this - pay attention to JoshiMania. Buy a DVD when it comes out. Torrent it if you have to, but pay eventually, if you can. I want everyone out there to know that there are women in this business who aren't shit. Well, most of you probably already know that - I want you to care about it, now. Pay attention to this event, because it is going to be the strongest proof you can get that just because mainstream wrestling wants us to think women's wrestling is nothing more than bad softcore porn, it isn't so. It's as good as what men can do, and it's important to know that.
The simplest thing I can say about this is this: JoshiMania will be three fantastic nights of amazing wrestling. It's worth it to see it, one way or another. See it because it's going to be great wrestling - and see it because it is important. It's the most important thing for the state of women's wrestling right now. It's important because we all need to know and care that there is still great women's wrestling out there, and that it doesn't have to be like the mainstream scene makes it. And maybe that will change something.
