I've Grown Quite Tired of No-Selling This...

[Tenta]

[YOUTUBE]dG9tuuznL1Y[/YOUTUBE]​

For months, it seems like, I've had to no sell something in my life, to let everyone know I'm fine, that everything is going to be ok, that I really am strong enough to deal with what has become of my life. For months, I've put on this fucking show to the world, attempting to withhold any sense of pain from them:

"Ah, well, everything happens for a reason."

"It was just her time."

"God wants all his angels near him." (Quite the mysogonist view, really. Wish people were more ok with the idea of a female God.)

"Don't worry, everything will get better."

Fuck that.

Seriously, fuck that. I'd like to consider that life is ok. That there's no reason to be sad that I'm an orphan at this point. That when I fucking go home for Christmas, I have no home to actually go back to. That I don't get to hear my mom or dad's voice asking me if school is going ok, or anything like that. Or if I'm fine. Everyone assumes I'm doing great. The fact is, I'm really not. I'm still in pain, and I'm not sure when that's going to end. Maybe this thread will help me. probably won't. For those that think this is Tenta being a whiny bitch, fuck you.

There's always been this theory of fate. Everything happens for a reason, right? Well, I just don't get it God. I really don't. Everyone says some things are fate, but why try to justify horrors? When bad things happen, why do we just take it as fate? Because we fight back against it?

I've come to accept, at this point, that life is merely a vessel. Something we journey on for a couple of decades, until we're brought to bigger and better things. But what if I weren't ready to be alone? What if it means something to someone, if they'll be alone for life. When does God have the right to take away people, especially when doing so, that same God happens to leave another person on this Earth with no one? What if I wasn't ready to begin life alone again? It doesn't matter much, does it? I can't have much of a say. Everything happens for a reason, right?

Look, this is really me venting off whatever steam I needed. I haven't done it in months. I've been trying to keep it in. And it hasn't worked. I hope expressing myself can finally put some type of closure.... Any type of closure on the matter for me, really. If I can be granted just that, just closure, I'd be estatic. As it seems though, I'm in pain, and that's how I shall stay. Many thanks to those who have checked in on me. Doc, Sidious, you're the best friends a guy could ask for. Dave, thank you man. Hell, TM, thanks to you too, man. I'll be back when I know I'm ready. I'm not going to force myself into believing I'm ready. I'm not going to make myself feel like I'm ok, just to come back. I'm going to come back when I know, in my heart, that I will be ok. And when that happens, you will all hear from me soon.

Thank you. Hopefully the next time I come here, I won't be so whiny.

 

[The Doctor]

It's not you being whiny, Tents. I get that you're going through some major stuff. We all need to vent sometime. Hell today I banged out a three page rant on losing my faith in humanity because I was that pissed off.

Tenta, you're my best friend on here. I want you to come back when you feel you're ready. I'm just glad to see you back for a moment in time.

I love you, man.

 

[Blade]

We miss you Tenta and hope that everything works out.

 

[a0161613]

Keep well man

 

[Bernkastel]

Losing one parent is hard enough, but I couldn't imagine losing two. If I were a praying man, I'd pray for you

 

[SSJPhenom]

Everyone needs to vent. Emotions aren't meant to be held in.

I hope everything works out for you.

 

[Scotty]

To tell you the truth man, I don't really know you. With that being said, I have no idea what you are going through, but I wish you luck. It will never be OK, but it will get easier. It just takes time, a lot of time. I'm am glad that your acknowledging what happened instead of being in denial. I will also be praying for you.

 

[The Doctor]

Scotty, Tenta is the most genuine person I have ever met on any forum with the exception of my very tight group. He is indiscriminately nice to everyone (Except that biasts guy) and a hell of a poster. Trust me, you should be waiting with bated breath for his return. I cannot praise him enough. He is simply an excellent human being.

That's how I'd describe him to you at least.

 

[One Punch Doug Crashin]

Life can be shitty at times Tenta. Though I don't know you I can only say this. May you find whatever it is your looking for and know you have friends here at the Wrestlezone Forums.

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

Sorry to hear about your shit life, hombre. Honestly, though, man, it's better to get your problems out in the open and hear a few assholes call you a whiner than to keep it bottled inside.

 

[Razor]

That sucks Tenta, it really, really does. I don't even know how I would go about having two parents dead, and I don't really have any direct attachments to my parents, outside of a dad I rarely speak to and a mother I spend 3 out of every 12 months with.

I'm not going to say I know what you're feeling, but keeping it in is not healthy. At all. I know too many people, myself included, that have gone over the deep end because they didn't vent. Vent. Vent from on top of a building if you must. But vent. Vent to the world.

Stay strong, and God Speed.

 

[Mr. Steve]

Yo, I'm keeping you in my thoughts, Tents. If you need to talk to someone apart from Doc, my PM Box is open to you. Not gonna say that I can relate, but if you need to vent to someone, it's fine with me.

 

[TLC]

I don't particualy know you Tenta but I've seen you post and know you are well respected on these forums. I can't even contemplate what you are going through but I hope that everything gets better for you and my thoughts are with you.

 

[Mantaur Rodeo Clown]

The best thing about this forum? That people you've never met, whose name you don't even know besides an avatar and username, whose interests besides wrestling you probably care nothing about and who in real life perhaps you could not stand.

These are the people that will actually listen/read your problems and actually take them to heart.

Isn't that funny?

Tenta. I wish you the best of luck. You are a phenomenal guy and I hope you can deal with whatever is going on at the moment. But shit, you can still come out the other side of tragedy and post better than me?

It's just good to hear from you. See you around and keep safe.

 

[Dagger Dias]

Tenta.... if you ever need another friend to talk to, I'm here. I hope things get better and can't wait for your return, you are a great poster.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

I send my guardian angel and my guiding spirit over your way, giving you my condolences, best hopes and wishes. I think I can speak for all of WrestleZone Forums that we will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

Stay strong.

 

[Freddy4190]

I don't know you personally, but I know of you and you seem like a stand-up guy. I can't begin to put myself in your shoes, that's a rough road man. If it's any help, you have another person to talk to. Take it easy man, don't hold it in. It does not help. I'll keep you in my prayers.

 

[SSJPhenom]

Tenta, I can't say that I know you either, however, Doc says that you are a grand guy and if Doc feels that way, then I know I would as well.

I can't begin to understand what it is that you are going through. There's no way, in this case, that I could be empathetic. All I can say is, and I think that I speak for the lot of us, that I'm here for you. What you are going through right now, you don't have to go through alone. You can PM me anytime if you want to talk.

I'll be thinking of you Tenta.