Is there any shame in being a "Stay-at-Home Dad?"

[Nate DaMac]

I only ask because I tend to get a lot of shit from my friends for it but I don't see the problem. Now when I say I'm a Stay-at-Home Dad that doesn't just mean I sit at home while the kids run wild. I have 2 kids, a 3 year old boy and a 6 month old girl, and I take care of virtually everything they need. I feed them, bathe them, play with them, etc. Not just that, but I also take care of all of the household chores. Laundry, dishes, trash, cleaning, cooking, I take care of all of it.

I always hate it when women say that "I have the hardest job in the world, being a mother!" because frankly, it's bullshit. I've been doing it for a year and it's not that hard at all. But for whatever reason, women are respected for doing it yet I always get fucked with. I don't really care, my friends aren't exactly the best people to go to when seeking parenting tips, I'm just curious what you guys think.

Do I have anything to be ashamed of?

 

[George Steele's Barber]

No fucking way. If you do it half assed or you are too lazy to look for a job than yes, but as long as your being a good parent there is nothing wrong with staying home. I don't know if I could do it (girl 3, boy 3 months), I would be too likely to just stick them in front of the TV.

However, you should be ashamed that you are a grown man with female reproductive parts. You should be even more ashamed that you got sand inside those female reproductive parts. Hopefully it did not happen while watching your kids.

 

[Blue Chipper]

Gender roles. Traditionally, women are more inclined to stay at home and take care of the kids. This is, however, the 21st century. Things evolve, things change. It's narrow-minded to believe that the women should be the one taking care of the kids while the dad is perfectly capable of doing so. I think, personally, that it's applaudable for a man to have a closeness with their children and to take on the laborious responsibility of taking care of them. I don't care about tradition, men shouldn't get hectored for doing a commendable responsibility.

 

[Sinister Shadows]

In the age where there are so many worthless parents, I don't see how dad's get talked down to at times for being a stay at home dad. It seems at times like people think it's better to not take care of their kids then be a stay at home parent.

 

[klunderbunker]

Absolutely not.

My uncle and aunt were married for about thirty years. My uncle made nearly all of their meals for a very simple reason: he's a talented chef. My aunt wasn't a good cook at all so my uncle did something he was better at than she was. You know what happened? They both enjoyed meals far better than they would have otherwise.

This is the same concept that can be used as far as who stays home with kids. Suppose the father has a job making 1/3 of the pay that the mother makes and one of them have to take care of the kids. From a financial standpoint alone it makes sense for the wife to be the breadwinner. These gender roles have been assigned because "that's the way things are done" or some nonsense like that. At the end of the day, what matters is what is right for the family. If the father staying at home with his children works best, then that is what should be done. If things change and the mom is in a better position, then so be it. All that matters is that the parents are happy and the kids are taken care of. People that make fun of a father that is taking care of his children by protecting them and feeding them and spending time with them are idiots.

 

[Constipated Badger Bottom]

To be honest you make your friends sound very "manly" the sound like the sort of guys who work 9-5 and spend alot time drinking beer and watching "The Game" and only see women as sex objects and they just see what your doing as not very "manly" they probably think that most of the parenting should be done by the mother, no offense to your friends of course.

But to answer your question, no there's nothing wrong with being a Stay-At-Home Dad, much rather the father looks after the kids rather than some child minder/baby sitter who can barely say the word "Parent".

 

[Nate DaMac]

No fucking way. If you do it half assed or you are too lazy to look for a job than yes, but as long as your being a good parent there is nothing wrong with staying home. I don't know if I could do it (girl 3, boy 3 months), I would be too likely to just stick them in front of the TV.

My Boy likes to watch Sprouts and Blue's Clues and shit and I let him. It's actually rather fun to watch him learn shit from those shows, but I watch them with him. The only time I use the TV as a babysitter is when I need to go outside and smoke a cigarette or take a shower.

Absolutely not.

My uncle and aunt were married for about thirty years. My uncle made nearly all of their meals for a very simple reason: he's a talented chef. My aunt wasn't a good cook at all so my uncle did something he was better at than she was. You know what happened? They both enjoyed meals far better than they would have otherwise.

Well I'm not a chef or anything, but it's a similar situation. My girl cannot cook for shit. She has a habit of scorching or burning things. Even when I was working I still ended up doing all the cooking.

This is the same concept that can be used as far as who stays home with kids. Suppose the father has a job making 1/3 of the pay that the mother makes and one of them have to take care of the kids. From a financial standpoint alone it makes sense for the wife to be the breadwinner. These gender roles have been assigned because "that's the way things are done" or some nonsense like that. At the end of the day, what matters is what is right for the family. If the father staying at home with his children works best, then that is what should be done. If things change and the mom is in a better position, then so be it. All that matters is that the parents are happy and the kids are taken care of. People that make fun of a father that is taking care of his children by protecting them and feeding them and spending time with them are idiots.

That is pretty much how it started. We were both working and the kids had to go to a daycare. She makes decent money, nothing extravagant but livable. I was making a little 200 bucks a week for like 15 hours of work. But they daycare facility cost us 220 bucks a week so it became financially irresponsible for us to keep doing that. Obviously she was the breadwinner so she couldn't quit so I was the one who had to.

I'm not complaining at all though. I love my kids, I enjoy being with them. I just don't think it's so praise worthy to do a job where you get to play hide and seek in your Pajama Bottoms. Much better than loading heavy boxes into a fucking truck all day.

 

[Davi323]

You get to take a very active role in your children's lives, more than most dads can. For that reason alone, your friends should be JEALOUS of you, not ridicule you.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

Day cares can be cesspools of germs and child abusers. Sounds like you and your wife made the right decision.

My daughter is all about Sprout and treats Super Why like an imaginary friend. She once had me marry them. My concern is that she is going to turn out like me and become a TV addict. Better that than a serial killer.

 

[Dagger Dias]

Society views it negatively. They think it is not manly to be a stay at home dad. It is the man's "job" to be a provider and men who are not in that role are looked upon as less manly. That is why it might FEEL like something to be ashamed of.

It isn't though. You are taking care of your house and making sure your family is safe. That is just as important as providing financially. Do not let stereotypes of society dictate how you feel about where you are in life. If you do good at running the household and feel proud of it then you have every right to feel that way. Being a stay at home dad is only a bad thing if he is wasting his time by not cleaning or not job searching. It is a good thing in your case because you are making life at home for your family better.

 

[ABMorales787]

One thing is to stay home and look out for the house and kids. Another is to do it out of laziness and such. You cook, you watch the kids, you clean the house. That mean's you're doing something. Regardless of society and their wacky "sexism".

However there's cases when the man stays at home and does nothing. Doesn't work because wifey makes enough, doesn't watch the kids because he's not mom and doesn't clean because... he's pretty much a slob. That would be when being a house-dad goes wrong. It's pathetic, really. Anytime a human being, regardless of sex, just degenerates like that because they don't need do to anything is disgusting. I guess this is what most people see, but given today's state on jobs and how little employment opportunities are there, people should first watch before giving out comments.

 

[Hawkeye]

I'll be damned. I'd love nothing more than to stay at home with my kids. I hope I don't get stuck working upwards of 40 hours a week in the future so I can be there for my kids. I don't wanna miss anything, you know? I think it's a wonderful thing your doing, but like most noble pursuits, it is a rather thankless one where the outside world is concerned.

 

[hatehabsforever]

Should you feel ashamed? Of course not, in fact you should feel proud of what you are accomplishing and the impact you are having, positively, on your kids' lives. If you were sitting on your ass all day doing nothing, that would be one thing, and I'm not suggesting for one second that's what you are doing. It's not easy being a stay at home dad, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Just because traditionally the man works while the woman stays at home, there's no shame in the reverse. For any of your friends who think it's easy or who give you a hard time about it, let them try it and see how they make out. Give yourself a little credit.

 

[Mustang Sally]

I always hate it when women say that "I have the hardest job in the world, being a mother!" because frankly, it's bullshit.

I suppose it depends on exactly what the woman means when she says it. As to the amount of details and chores that need attending to, I say that anyone who has a job outside the home or inside works hard....so yes, homemakers have a hard job, as do office workers, cops, construction workers...... or anyone else.

But there's more to it as a stay-at-home parent than just working hard: the awesome responsibility of raising children. No one is born an "expert" parent and they have to learn along the way. But raising children to become honest, independent adults is something many people take way too lightly. They are so anxious to have children that they're probably not giving much thought to the incredible amount of work and responsibility involved in raising them to become self-sufficient adults. So many young folks become parents when they're emotionally and financially incapable of raising kids that the child barely has a chance to succeed. He's at an early disadvantage because his parents are at a disadvantage. It doesn't make a difference whether that stay-at-home parent is the mother or father.

Okay, so once the kid is born, someone has to stay at home to raise him. It doesn't matter which parent does it, as long as the two of them are in agreement as to the division of responsibility and have a rudimentary understanding of what's in front of them. Hopefully, the decision will be made based not only on which one can make the most money outside the home.......but also on who is more temperamentally suited to raise them on a day-to-day basis.

 

[LSN80]

My wife and I have already discussed this, and I only found out I was going to be a parent 4 days ago.

Is there any shame? Heck no. My twin sister's husband spent the first 4 years of my neices life as a stay-at-home dad while he got his bachelor's degree online, and the end result was a happy-well adjusted girl who learned her life lessons from her dad rather then an abstract person at a daycare who they won't remember in a year. All gender discussion aside, this isn't a hard question. You do what's in the best interest of the child. As long as youre teaching your son the right things, who the hell cares if iots you or your wife? I would have loved to have my dad around more as a child rather then he work 14 hours a day to support us. I would have rather spent the time with and learned from him rather then the little perks his extra job allowed us.

I know my wife and I's plan, in 8 months, is for me to work just part time and have both of us home with our child at the same time part of the time. Can we afford to? Sure. But even if we couldn't, Id want to be for my kid regardless. Screw your friends who give you crap about it. Youre child is going to turn out better in the process, and that's truly what matters.

 

[LSN80]

My wife and I have already discussed this, and I only found out I was going to be a parent 4 days ago.

Is there any shame? Heck no. My twin sister's husband spent the first 4 years of my neices life as a stay-at-home dad while he got his bachelor's degree online, and the end result was a happy-well adjusted girl who learned her life lessons from her dad rather then an abstract person at a daycare who they won't remember in a year. All gender discussion aside, this isn't a hard question. You do what's in the best interest of the child. As long as youre teaching your son the right things, who the hell cares if its you or your girl? I would have loved to have my dad around more as a child rather then he work 14 hours a day to support us. I would have rather spent the time with and learned from him rather then the little perks his extra job allowed us.

I know my wife and I's plan, in 8 months, is for me to take at least one day a week off in order for us both to be home with our child at the same time part of the time. Can we afford to? Sure. But even if we couldn't, Id want to be home for my kid regardless. Screw your friends who give you crap about it. Youre child is going to turn out better in the process, and that's truly what matters.

 

[H33LTurn]

Like someone else said, gender roles. I dont know if it was the hustle mentality that I was raised with, and the thought that all women are after your money and if you depend on them they might take revenge and kick you out with no money, but I really couldnt see myself not making some amount of money. My wife wouldnt have to stay at home, she could have her career if she wants but I would still work and get a babysitter or a family member to take care of those kids. It just ends up defining what a man is to me, a worker. But then again if you're doing a better job at home than she would be doing then I guess I cant complain. I know a lot of mothers who act like being a stay at home mom is the worst job there is, but they're putting in a half asses effort. It all depends on the situation at hand. Some women have less going on in their personal lives than others and therefore can deal with the responsibilities of being a mother. A chick whos been taking care of her siblings as well as doing other chores while growing up would find being a stay at home mom less challenging than a woman who is used to partying and pretty much doing anything she wants without it having an impact on anyone else's life.

 

[Hollywood Naitch]

My wife and I have already discussed this, and I only found out I was going to be a parent 4 days ago.

Is there any shame? Heck no. My twin sister's husband spent the first 4 years of my neices life as a stay-at-home dad while he got his bachelor's degree online, and the end result was a happy-well adjusted girl who learned her life lessons from her dad rather then an abstract person at a daycare who they won't remember in a year. All gender discussion aside, this isn't a hard question. You do what's in the best interest of the child. As long as youre teaching your son the right things, who the hell cares if its you or your girl? I would have loved to have my dad around more as a child rather then he work 14 hours a day to support us. I would have rather spent the time with and learned from him rather then the little perks his extra job allowed us.

I know my wife and I's plan, in 8 months, is for me to take at least one day a week off in order for us both to be home with our child at the same time part of the time. Can we afford to? Sure. But even if we couldn't, Id want to be home for my kid regardless. Screw your friends who give you crap about it. Youre child is going to turn out better in the process, and that's truly what matters.

Once again, LSN is correct. Doing whatever is best for the child is the right thing to do, and it shouldnt matter what people think of you for doing so.

If I was a father, and could afford to stay at home to help my son/daughter to grow up, and believed that me being there would be of benefit to them, then damm right I would do it? Who are other people to tell me that I should be at work, letting a random person at a daycare centre look after my child.

I understand society believes that a man should be out at work, while the woman looks after the baby, and I understand why that is. The mother can provide the breastmilk and motherly care that a father cannot, and I would never dream of sending my wife out to work while I stayed at home, but if I had the chance to be there more during the day, then I would certainly consider it.

When it comes to the raising of your child, other people's opinions are not the crucial things, what is best for your child is all you need to consider.

 

[Xemmy]

This should be in my beloved Cigar Lounge!!!
*Sigh* Well, I guess I'll have to get used to becoming a Potluck poster.

There's nothing to be ashamed of. You work hard, you take care of your kids.

A lot of people look down on it because it's "The Woman's Place". It's sexist in a way. But there's no reason for saying that a man and a woman cannot reverse these roles. Cultural and religious traditions are the only barrier. If your friends can't handle hanging with you or talk to you without saying shit like, "Hand in you guy card dude!" then you need to drop some of your friends. I disagree with you when you act like it's not a tough job. I just think you enjoy it enough for that aspect to be ignored. Point being, it's a respectable role- and your cunty friends can go fuck themselves. XD

 

[The Crock]

There is no shame in being a stay-at-home dad. You're doing what's best for your children, I don't see why there is any issue with that. Sure, gender roles and traditions say that you should be the breadwinner, but who cares? You're doing a valuable job in taking care of your children and making sure they have the best life that they can, hell, I applaud you for it.

This isn't the same, but my mom makes more money than my dad, she's a doctor and he's a graphic designer. He makes a good living, but she's ALWAYS made more money, neither of them have an issue with that and I've never heard anybody give my dad grief. It goes against a traditional gender role, much like this, but for some reason you're given crap about it. People are hypocrites.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Fuck, what? Thats my motherfucking DREAM, dont ever let me date a doctor or a successfull buisness woman, ill be sneaking one past the goalie before you know it. I would be the first one up in the morning making her lunch and writing notes with smilies and hearts on them....Waving goodbye as she drove down the driveway, then putting on my pj pants and playing Xbox all day while hanging out with my baby. Damn straight, living the dream man.


Uh, zero shame. If the woman has more earning potential and can provide the best overall life and situation for the family, then that is how it should go. There is no actual and logical reason not to, and anything otherwise is simply clinging to long outdated veiws which have zero root in anything practical.

You should tell your friends they can ride their bicycle with the huge wheel in front with their top hats and look up the rule of thumb, prior restraint, and make sure no got-damn blacks are drinking out of the water faucets while they are at it. Make sure to ensure the bomb shelter in their backyards is good and stocked up as well

 

[JW'sGirl]

Totally not a bad thing! My mom was always the one who stayed at home when I was young, but in the last year my dad got laid off from his job and my mom started working so my dad is around. I'm away at college, but when I'm home on breaks I've noticed the house is cleaner, the laundry gets done, and dinner is always home made and at the same time. It was never like that when my mom was at home. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a stay at home dad.

 

[JWGunslinger]

Totally not a bad thing! My mom was always the one who stayed at home when I was young, but in the last year my dad got laid off from his job and my mom started working so my dad is around. I'm away at college, but when I'm home on breaks I've noticed the house is cleaner, the laundry gets done, and dinner is always home made and at the same time. It was never like that when my mom was at home. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a stay at home dad.

Except for that fact that he's become the dish nazi and freaks when anything is left out.

Seriously though, I don't think that there is anything wrong with it. I mean if a woman can do it without critisism shouldn't a man be able to as well? Sure there are some guys who would probably have a problem with the idea of not being the breadwinner, and maybe feel like less of a man for it, but why should they? There shouldn't be anything wrong with a man being the one to stay home and take care of the kids, to be honest it would be refreshing to see more guys be stay at home dads.

 

[HBK-aholic]

There's nothing wrong with it at all, and I'd be willing to bet in 30-40 years it'll be even more common. Couples should do completely what's right for them, and if that involves the mother staying at work while the father looks after children, there's no reason that should be done. Those who laugh about it should realise on their day at work they get lunch breaks, maybe morning and afternoon breaks to themselves. They also finish at a certain time and can look forward to that, going home and resting. When you're a stay at home father (Or mother), your work is never completed. From whatever time those children wake up you have to clean them, clothe them, feed them, entertain them. And it doesn't just stop when that's done - after feeding breakfast you have to worry about lunch. You likely have to shop at some point, which isn't easy with one child never mind 3. Parenting is more difficult than any job you can do. The rewards are amazing, but you sure as hell work for it moreso than someone who has a 9-5 job.

I always hate it when women say that "I have the hardest job in the world, being a mother!" because frankly, it's bullshit. I've been doing it for a year and it's not that hard at all.

This is bullshit. Whether you're a man or a woman, mother or father, it is the hardest job you can do, and I'm pretty shocked you put yourself and everyone else doing it down by saying 'it's not that hard'. Well done for having such angelic children who will sit still, or quietly while you cook around the oven, clean the toilet or vacuum the floor. Well done for not being exhausted at having to chase around hyperactive children all day only to be waken up at 6am to do it all again. And well done for not finding the 24/7 365 days a year job difficult. You're truly one in 6 billion.

 

[Nate DaMac]

This is bullshit. Whether you're a man or a woman, mother or father, it is the hardest job you can do, and I'm pretty shocked you put yourself and everyone else doing it down by saying 'it's not that hard'. Well done for having such angelic children who will sit still, or quietly while you cook around the oven, clean the toilet or vacuum the floor. Well done for not being exhausted at having to chase around hyperactive children all day only to be waken up at 6am to do it all again. And well done for not finding the 24/7 365 days a year job difficult. You're truly one in 6 billion.

I think you're missing me here. Actually, I suppose it's my fault. When I say that I hate when people refer to it as the hardest job in the world I don't mean to insinuate that it's an easy job. Believe me, there are plenty of times when I want to put my fucking head through a wall. I average about 3 hours of sleep a night and I'm usually only able to fit in an extra nap on the rare occasion that both of them take one at the same time. Then tacking on all the house work that has to be done during the day and shit while managing to give them the attention they deserve, yeah. It's rough.

However, I have to say that I doubt raising a child is the hardest job in the world. Sure it's hard, but have you tried mining coal? Or working on an Oil Rig? Hell, ask Norcal about the kind of shit he had/has to do for his job, I'm sure most would agree that it's more difficult than watching a couple of kids. I'm not saying that it's an easy thing to do, but the level of hyperbole in such a statement is staggering. I have all the respect in the world for anyone who dedicates their entire life to raising children, but to suggest that it's the most difficult job in the world is nonsense. You can't say you have the hardest job ever if you can do it in your Pajama bottoms.

EDIT: So we're clear, I'm not trying to direct this at you. I don't think(?) you have any kids.