"If you need ANYTHING..." and funerals

[Mighty NorCal]

I wanted to get everyone's opinions on funerals, and arbitrary sorrow, and support.

Why do people seem to feel the need to show at funerals as if they are a publicity stunt?? And why the fuck does EVERYONE feel the need to say "if you need ANYTHING just let me know"

Personally I feel doing things like this arbitrarily, and just becuase "thats what your supposed to say and do" is about the most disrespectfull, stupid shit anyone can do. If you dont know the person, dont fucking go to the funeral just becuase of what people might think of you if you arent there. And why would you tell someone you will help them with anything if they need it?? What the fuck are you going to do, use magic and raise the person from the dead?? I dont know. Im just a practical person. And that just seems like a really stupid useless thing to do to me.

There had better be no more than three damn people at my funeral. Or I will jump out of that grave and slap them across the mouth.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

I've only been to a few funerals. None of them were of people I knew personally, but instead relatives of the Family, or In-Laws. I've had friend's with Family members pass on that I've said if they needed anything (reasonable) I'd be willing to help if I could.

But clearly, noone can raise the dead. The biggest issue I've had with funerals are the aftermath of people who lost a loved one. Just because I haven't been to any personal funerals, doesn't mean I haven't lost someone that was like a Mother figure, a Father figure, or a close individual to me. Yet I don't flip out on everyone, taking it out on them either. I've seen this happen, and I just wish I knew how to understand it.

Whenever I die, I expect my Wife and Child(ren) to be there. I expect my very close friends to be there, and quite possibly my Parents if they surpass me in living. That being said, the funeral would be roughly 10 people. Because a friend is different from a close friend.. and I don't keep many close friends.

While I claim only 10, I'd honestly guess somewhere around 20-40, (if not more) merely because of everyone who knows me and claims I'm a bigger part of their life then I really am. And I wouldn't for a second think that they wouldn't show up to attempt taking the spotlight off the situation, to make it look like they were something huge in my life.. when in fact, it was more like someone I knew for a month.

When people lose a Parent suddenly, it hurts. Its devastating, and as their child.. short of having NO connection to that Parent, regardless if you're a kid, teenager, or grown adult. You're suddenly lost again.. no matter how stable you ever were to begin with. And thats something that very few people have learned to understand how to handle.

My Father wants to be cremated because he doesn't want a funeral. He doesn't want people to mourn his life, because he feels hes lived it to its fullest as it is now. I respect and understand that.. but when the day comes that I lose him, regardless of how much we did or didn't get along, I'll be lost when that day comes.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Thats another thing. Im not doing a funeral either. Funerals these days are a lot like church, in that they have been totally commercialized and bastardized. The time to say "goodbye" was right before I died, becuase depending on what you belive, after im gone, you can speak to me anytime. That body, or ashes, isnt actually ME anymore. I am the breeze, I am the sunlight, I am thunder and lightning. Think of me when you see something beautiful. I will be there.

All funerals do is get people all spun up. It wont bring the person back. It DOESNT provide "closure" no matter what anyone says. Especially the big ones they have for kids who die from being sick, or an accident. No one knew that fucking kid. But people want to go to the bigass public funeral to act like they care. You dont care, you didnt know them!!! And the parents are even worse for doing shit like that. They have those funerals were they know an assload of people will come by and fake a bunch of concern, and they will have loads of attention given to them. Shame on them. This provides no closure, it just makes a bunch of people all the more upset.

 

[HBK-aholic]

Well I don't see the need to go to the funeral of someone you don't know. A funeral is about saying goodbye to the person and hopefully providing a turning point to realise you have to move on with your life. I see no need in this when you didn't know the person.

When people say go to them if you need anything, it's also pointless as they don't mean that. come on, they'd probably die of shock if you went to them and asked for something however simple.

I want the people I love at my funeral, no one more. Althought I wouldn't actually know because I'd be dead, in theory now It'd just annoy me if a load of people who I dislike came just because they felt they 'had to'.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

When people say go to them if you need anything, it's also pointless as they don't mean that. come on, they'd probably die of shock if you went to them and asked for something however simple.

It truly depends on the person. I've never said that, to someone I didn't mean it to. Naturally I can't raise the dead, and anyone who comes to me saying "I wish you could bring them back." Is just spinning their tires, so to speak. It ain't happening.

However when I say I'm there for someone. I mean it in the sense that I'd be willing to listen, willing to help if I could for anything. Its similar to when I went all suicidal some time ago. I needed friends around me, to help me through.

When you lose someone you truly loved, you get depressed even if you don't know it. Its your true friends saying they're there.. meaning, if you need someone to be with during this time. Its them. Thats how "I" mean it, anyway.

I want the people I love at my funeral, no one more. Althought I wouldn't actually know because I'd be dead, in theory now It'd just annoy me if a load of people who I dislike came just because they felt they 'had to'.

I have theories on Heaven and Hell. But naturally don't know if they truly exist. I have no clue where I'm going, if anywhere, once I pass on. The point to everything is this though. When I do die.. I'm obviously no longer going to be here. So who shows up, or doesn't show up isn't going to have any barring on me whatsoever.

If hundreds of random people wanna show up and express their love for me, to get them some spotlight love.. then so be it, I'm glad to help them look like idiots to my true Family & Friends who sit there watching them, all the while leaning over to one another going "Who the fuck is this person?"

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Will, I think Becca is reffering to the vast majority of people who say the line just becuase everyone says it. Its just the thing to say. Me personally, I would never fucking say that. If you are truely that close to someone, you shouldnt HAVE to tell them that, and your actions will be able to speak for themselves.

And people BETTER not show up to my funeral to get some shine. I promise on everything I will jump out of that grave and put people in a hurtlock. Hopefully I just get blown up somewere, so I cant have a funeral LOL

 

["THE FIERCE ONE" MIKE W]

I'm going to have 2 funerals.

First i will invited everyone i hate to a funeral. while they are in the they doors will all shut and lock. my casket would then open and be empty and play a recording that would say "You're all coming with with me" the building would then explode killing them all. lol.

The real one would probably just have my wife and kids, there kids, and my closest friends. Thats about it. And I don't want to be cremated, I'll probably have the money so I'll spend it on a huge tomb. Just because I'de think it would look cool.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

I'm going to have 2 funerals.

First i will invited everyone i hate to a funeral. while they are in the they doors will all shut and lock. my casket would then open and be empty and play a recording that would say "You're all coming with with me" the building would then explode killing them all. lol.

You wanna make people jump outta their seats and shit themselves. Somewhere I heard something like this in a stand-up comedy show.. but I loved the idea.

First, you have a closed casket, so noone realizes. Second, when everyone gets in and sits down. During the time in the funeral, where they play the song that is suppose to be what you "remember" the person by the most. Play something like "Highway to Hell" by A.C./D.C. or "Final Countdown." Then have strobe lights going off all over the room.

At this time, people will be wondering what the fuck is going on. Which is the perfect que to shock everyone with your body coming down on strings/wires and a zip cord, swinging all over the room, with the doors shut.. freaking the holy shit out of everyone.

The reason I loved this idea the most, is because my idea of my own funeral was meant to shine on the first three letters of the word. "FUN!" I'm dead, don't mourn the loss.. celebrate the life I had.

 

[justinsayne]

Thats another thing. Im not doing a funeral either.

Umm... you're gonna be dead, it's gonna be up to your family really cause you aren't going to be able to do a damn thing about after you're gone

Funerals these days are a lot like church, in that they have been totally commercialized and bastardized.

Funerals are only like church if the family plans for them to be that way, plenty of people have funerals that are nothing like church, my dads was nothing like church cause he wasn't really all that religious, and told my mom go if/when he died he didn't want his funeral to be like that

The time to say "goodbye" was right before I died

Well the problem with that is that nobody really knows when they're gonna die, so it's kinda hard to know when to say "goodbye"

All funerals do is get people all spun up. It wont bring the person back. It DOESNT provide "closure" no matter what anyone says.

OH MY MOTHERFUCKING GOD!!!, this is the most ignorant line of bullshit I have ever seen you post, seriously this is Collins level ignorant. My dads funeral provided closure for me and my family, I don't care what the fuck you think it did, and for you to say it didn't is just fucking wrong, you were not there, and you have no fucking idea

This provides no closure, it just makes a bunch of people all the more upset.

Jesus Christ Norcal, what are you trying to do become the Tom Cruise of fucking WZ, you are fucking wrong, IT DOES PROVIDE CLOSURE!!!!!, just because it doesn't provide closure for YOU, doesn't mean it doesn't provide closure, have you ever even had a close family member die, I'm not saying an aunt, uncle or grandparent either, I mean someone from your immediate family?!?, you have no clue what the fuck you are talking about so just stop

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Ah, Justin, here we go with THIS shit

Ugh...alright...do I REALLY nedd to lay out a fat disclaimer before everything I say?? Obviously, when I say funerals dont provide closure, its not going to be 100,000% of everyone. Insinuating so makes YOU look ignorant. YOUR personal experience doesnt count for everyone EITHER Justin. Just becuase it helped with closure for your family, and your family did thing the RIGHT way, does not mean the vast majority of people do it the right way. Becuase with the vast majority of funerals ive been to, HAVE been very commercialized, like many church services are now.

IT DOES PROVIDE CLOSURE eh?? Well after you get done throwing your fit about nothing, maybe realize how absolutely hypocritical you seem right now. Its SO stupid for me to say it doesnt provide closure, but you can go ahead and speak for everyone on the planet and say it DOES eh?? When in every last funeral situation ive ever been involved with, it does nothing of the sort...

And this right after you said "well you wont be able to decide anything becuase you will be dead" and followed it up with saying how your father had his funeral the way he wanted it, becuase he told your other family members how he wanted it beforehand. Fucking think about that for a second. If you cant respond without contradicting yourself a 10000 times, and flaming, maybe you shouldnt respond at all.


and please direct me to were I said funerals were bullshit, and whatever the fuck your getting at in your flamey post. I said I hate people giving arbitrary concern, and saying shit they dont mean, and showing up to funerals just to show face. way to totally blow some shit out of perportion, and context


"NorCal, in my experience of the passing of my father, the funeral was taken care of in a very classy way, that fit what he wanted, and it provided very good closure for my family" wouldve been a perfectly fine response to state your opinion. Thats what the fuck this thread is about. But no, we had to go the route you seem to think is good to take as of late. Thanks bro.

 

[justinsayne]

Obviously, when I say funerals dont provide closure, its not going to be 100,000% of everyone.

really, yet in your post you say this...

All funerals do is get people all spun up. It wont bring the person back. It DOESNT provide "closure" no matter what anyone says.

YOUR personal experience doesnt count for everyone EITHER Justin. Just becuase it helped with closure for your family, and your family did thing the RIGHT way, does not mean the vast majority of people do it the right way. Becuase with the vast majority of funerals ive been to, HAVE been very commercialized, like many church services are now.

People plan the funeral to be what THEY think is right, not what you think, it's different for everybody

IT DOES PROVIDE CLOSURE eh?? Well after you get done throwing your fit about nothing, maybe realize how absolutely hypocritical you seem right now. Its SO stupid for me to say it doesnt provide closure, but you can go ahead and speak for everyone on the planet and say it DOES eh?? When in every last funeral situation ive ever been involved with, it does nothing of the sort...

How the fuck is it hypocritical for me to say a funeral doesn't provide closure, for for people?!?, dude you're the one who fucking said it doesn't provide closure for anyone, and all I did was ponit out it does, because it actually fucking does!!!!!, so don't go around saying that it doesn't provide closure for anyone no matter what they say

And this right after you said "well you wont be able to decide anything becuase you will be dead" and followed it up with saying how your father had his funeral the way he wanted it, becuase he told your other family members how he wanted it beforehand.

Yes he did, and my mom still did some things that he didn't want cause she felt it would help bring more closure to us, she even asked US before doing so

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Possibly we have different definitions of closure...do you still mourn him?? it still hurts you?? If so, then its not closed, thats not closure. My point being, there really ISNT a such thing as closure from losing a loved one, and funerals generally provide much more superficial gratification, to people who dont need it. Our definitions of closure must just be different.

And I say you are hypocritical becuase first you say I cant speak for everyone, but then go on to make a statement in which you are speaking for everyone.

And im fairly sure if you attempted to understand what I was saying for two seconds, instea dof throwing a flamey ignorant fit, Im fairly sure you would agree that the things many people do arent the right way to go about the situation, not just based upon my own personal preferences.

 

[AnthonyMango/NoFate007]

Funerals are amazing in a lot of ways...some of them, very unfortunate.

To start off, the question of "to go, or not to go". My mindset has always been that its almost disrespectful to go to a funeral if you aren't close to the person. Now, that doesn't mean you have to be close to everyone else at the funeral as well. You could be a total stranger to everyone else and its justified if you knew the deceased very well. Just don't play it off as if you're the new buddy of everyone else. I've known a few people that have died that I wasn't close to. For instance, one of my girl friends (not girlfriend) in high school lost her mother in a car accident, wherein her father was injured but not killed. Many people that were friends of hers went to the funeral, cried in school, etc. I didn't. It wasn't necessary. I had never met her mother, so if I'd have followed suit, I'd have just been looking for the spotlight. I did, however, send her some flowers and a sympathy card telling her that I'm sorry for her loss.

NorCal brings up the arbitrary use of the phrase "if you need anything". I use it a lot, actually, and I did so when that girl lost her mother. However, with anybody that I'm close to, I usually repeat the same line in various different circumstances (which include funerals as well as our H.S. graduation and everything else that can be considered "major" or justifiable in saying the phrase). This phrase is "If you ever need anything, let me know, and I'll try my best to help. My doors, ears, and arms are always open." Unfortunately, a lot of people simply spit out the phrase because its "expected". At the same time, if you DON'T spit out the phrase, since its so expected of you, sometimes people think you're inconsiderate. They aren't willing to admit that some people grieve differently than others. Some are publicly crying their eyes out...some cry only in a room with some music or whatever, and some, like me, don't like crying, so I only cry when I simply can't hold it back anymore. Some people want to be kept busy and around others, some want to be alone. So some people latch onto this phrase as well. Most people feel a slight moment of security when they hear it, but very rarely does it ever come back up into conversation again. Nobody really takes the offer. Sincere ones, like myself, make it a point to try to help out even before someone asks for help, since most of the time, they're too afraid to do so.

As far as the legitimacy of a funeral....well, its a touchy issue, since religion is like flint...if you strike hard enough, sparks fly. My point of view on the universe is that I have no proof God exists, but I have no proof God doesn't exist, so I don't believe in anything outside of being a good person. However, I think its plausible that there's a "supreme being"...just not "definite". So in my point of view, funerals with a church-theme aren't for me. For others, it works fine and its just what they need in order to feel closure or, for lack of a better word, "happier" about the situation. Some people feel that the dead are "in a better place", which makes them smile. I don't have the answers to the beyond....yet...........give me a few years, haha. Some people even prefer to be cremated...which I don't want to be done, as I just don't like the thought of my flesh being burned to ashes, lol.

The weirdest thing about funerals that I've noticed, having only been to a few, is the ratio of sadness. Some people are 100% sad, bawling the entire time. Others hit their highs and lows. But then there are some people that crack jokes. Defense mechanism, obviously, as they don't want to (or can't) weigh the situation and realize that they'll never speak to that person again. Still, funerals have their moments where they turn into an awkward family reunion, in that the littlest small talk is craved for, the smallest jokes are a riot, and you suddenly love everyone.

Funerals are good for some...horrible for others.....but some things are pretty much never going to change just because its human nature. One of those is the tendency to be "genuinely fake" just out of expectancy, as in the "if you need anything" line that some people don't sincerely take to heart.