Backstage assistant-manager Jacob Jones has been running around the arena frantically for the last hour. Its thirty minutes into WZCWs latest house show at [your local arena] and Hunter Kravinoff has yet to arrive for his main event against fellow WZCW hopeful Killjoy. Normally, competitors, especially new tryouts, will arrive early in the day and Jacob will direct them to their designated locker room, tell them where they are on the card, and help them with other such mundane organizational matters. But this seemed like it was going to be a different kind of night. A man whod never been involved with organized combat in his life and who had extremely limited exposure to civilized society as a whole was being thrust into the main event on his first pro-wrestling show... How could someone not have been worried about giving such an untested talent so much responsibility?
Of course this thought and all like it that had been bred by the hours worth of worrying about the main event being in jeopardy were put on hold immediately when Jones arrived in the vehicle bay to see Hunter Kravinoff walking in off of the street and into the building. No need for Jones to curse the Kravinoffs name under his breath and question his dedication any further just yet. There must be a reasonable explanation for all of this...
Jacob Jones: Where the hell have you been? Did you forget you had a match tonight or did you just want us to do one of those nifty ten second spots where we show you dramatically entering the building while the shows in progress? If its the second, I should tell you (for future reference) that we designate who gets those spots in advance. You should try not to show up late from now on with starry-eyed hopes that were gonna have a camera waiting for you if you wanna make it in WZCW.
Hunter Kravinoff: My sincerest apologies for any problems my lack of punctuality has caused you or your organization.
Jacob Jones: Nah, its okay. I mean youre new, so you still have to get into the groove of things. Thats understandable. But what happened, man? Where have you been?
Hunter Kravinoff: I didnt know what you meant in your correspondence with me when you said Id be wrestling at a house show. Id never heard of such a thing before. I know what a house is, and Id even heard of the television program called House. On a side-not, Hugh Laurie looks strikingly different when hes clean shaven. Almost alarming once you get used to his House look... But I digress. Its uncouth for me to over-indulge in or place too much weight or conversational importance on such modern decadences as television.
Jacob Jones: Nah. Once again, its okay. Dont feel uncouthed about it, bra.
Hunter Kravinoff: Bra? Why are you calling me a bra?
Jacob Jones: Erm... Never mind that... So, what does not knowing what a house show was have to do with you showing up so late? I told you we were holding the show at [your local arena] and you obviously found the place alright, so I dont know what the problem is here.
Hunter Kravinoff: Well I arrived at [your local arena] early in the afternoon, but I didnt know if it was the right place. It certainly wasnt a house, but it was in proximity of many houses. So, naturally, I assumed that WZCW was holding my tryout match at one of those houses.
Jacob Jones: Hunt... Were a major organization. We dont do backyard shows... Please tell me you didnt harass any of the neighbours...
Hunter Kravinoff: Harass, from what Ive gleaned, is a strong term. I knocked on a few doors and asked some questions in order to understand the nature of house shows and find out where this one was being held.
Jacob Jones: Hunt... Man... We start you guys off at a low level for your tryout, but not in backyards... That`s is just absurd. Is the fact that were not thrusting stardom on you right away and throwing you on TV causing your brain to go loco? Nobody starts in front of the bright lights, brother. Youre gonna have to learn how to deal with this stuff in a better way than going around and bothering the people who live around the arenas.
Hunter Kravinoff: This is nothing to do with feeling pressured by a lack of bright lights. At a time of year with no sun at all, Ive hunted wolves in Alaska and adjusted to the elements. Whatever the brightness of my battlefield, I adjust. Its what I do.
Jacob Jones: Erm, okay.
Hunter Kravinoff: Yes, it is okay.... No, the real reason why I was so perplexed by this situation was the language barrier. I learned to communicate with primates first and foremost in my life when I was taken in by their community in Uganda and, while Ive learned this language very well, I have yet to learn all of Englishs delicate intricacies. I hope you can forgive this indiscretion.
Jacob Jones: Yeah, no problem. And kudos to you for your English by the way. For a guy who learned it pretty informally, you sure picked it up from some gentlemanly, well-spoken people. You trump me in many regards, and I was raised listening to the fuckin language! Haha!
Hunter Kravinoff: Yes, kudos... Some people who saw my interview with the WZCW fan blog have used the way I speak as the central basis for denying the truth about my origins in blood. But the doubt stops tonight. In the center of the ring at [your local arena], I will eliminate all doubt about my callused nature, my bloodlust, and my origins.
Jacob Jones: Well... I never questioned you, if thats any solace... Anyway, youre on last, mate.
Hunter Kravinoff: Whos on first?
Jacob Jones: Does it matter? You already missed the opening match.
Hunter Kravinoff: It doesnt matter... I was just... Erm..
Jacob Jones: What is it?
Hunter Kravinoff: I was attempting to form human connection through humor. It was a joke I heard people found funny. But it didnt work like Id planned...
Jacob Jones: Wait, did you just try to bait me into an Abbot and Costello bit?
Hunter Kravinoff: No. Its not a bit of anything. Its a joke I heard.
Jacob Jones: Wow... Thats some crazy Rain Man shit right there, haha.
Hunter Kravinoff: I beg your pardon?
Jacob Jones: Erm, nothing. Come on, youre in locker room two. Ill show you the way.
