History of Saturday Night's Main Event with KB

[klunderbunker]

A few notes. First of all, this isn't going to be a daily thing. If i can find a full show, I'll review it. Second, it's unlikely I'll finish this as 36 shows is just a lot to do. Finally, they won't be in any order other than whatever order I can find them in. With that being said, let's get to it.

Saturday Night. Not a lot happens on those night for the most part as far as wrestling goes. At least in today’s wrestling world that’s how things go. Back in the 80s though, that was the furthest thing from the truth. In a day where there was no Raw or Smackdown, the biggest shows of the year other than PPVs were on Saturdays. Saturday Night’s Main Event was the king of all shows back then, as the masses got to see Hulk Hogan wrestle on television. The shows were on NBC so a much larger audience was allowed to see them. The version you see today is complete and utter crap so don’t put anything into them. These are the originals though, but I’ll have the modern ones too at the end. This should be interesting as these were the supershows to an extent at least of their day. Let’s do it.

Saturday Night’s Main Event 8
Date: November 29, 1986
Location: Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura

Much like with other shows of this time frame, there’s not a ton of backstory to most of these matches. Hogan is on second here facing Hercules in what is for some reason a semi famous match. The card looks pretty weak other than the opener which looks good, so let’s get to this.

Jesse says that the pleasure belongs to the audience.

Jake says that the snake needs to squeeze Savage really hard to get the title out of him.

Macho Man says that he’s the best in the world. In a cruel bit, he asks Liz if he’s the best. Liz agrees and he tells her to shut up and keep polishing the belt.

Hall of Famer Koko B. Ware is making his SNME debut tonight and he says he’ll beat the Russian.

Piper, just barely a new face here, says he’ll beat up Piper and Orton.

The Hart Foundation do a cool interview of close-ups to their faces and then cutting to all three (Jimmy was their manager) for one liners. I like that. They’ll squash the Bees later.

Hogan, who looks coked out of his mind, says he accepts Hercules’ challenge, which I didn’t know was ever made.

The intro continues to be pure 80s greatness. To show the time frame here, Hogan is shown only in white tights. Of the first 10 seconds or so, all you see is Hogan. The next person you see that isn’t getting beaten up by Hogan: Roddy Piper. And people say he wasn’t a big deal. Ok so to be fair the only people in the video are people on the show that night, but Piper was second so there.

Vince and Jesse show off their great chemistry. Not as great as Ventura and Monsoon, but not bad.

Gene is with Jake Roberts and Damien. Roberts was an incredibly hot heel at this point as no one had seen anything like him. Oddly enough he’s fighting Macho tonight here in a heel vs. heel match. Roberts on the mic was like a gift from Heaven or something. Roberts says he’s the one Savage’s mother warned him about. That’s a great line.

Vince sounds like he’s reading off a script for some reason. Jesse says Gene was shaking so hard he might as well have been holding a vibrator. Yes that made air.

Gene is with Savage and Liz. Liz gets cut off again because Savage is a prick to her. Savage threatens to skin Jake.

Intercontinental Title: Jake Roberts vs. Randy Savage

This would be the feud of the year in about 5 or 6 years. Vince is head over heels for Liz which is fair as she was the only attractive woman in wrestling back then. The fans are chanting DDT and chanting it loudly. Roberts would be face by spring. The snake really was a brilliant gimmick when you think about it. Even after that chant, Vince asks who the fans will like. I love his biased announcing.

Vince says Savage has the willies. I give up. Jake’s whole offense is to get the DDT. That was such a revolutionary move that it’s uncanny. Until then everything was about long set ups for moves like the leg drop or the elbow. The DDT was sudden and quick which is the best thing you can ask for. The fans are WAY behind Jake here. This has been almost all Savage. We go to a commercial as Savage is hiding the snake bag.

We come back and the tape starts just where it left off. I love that. You get the commercials that the company needs but you don’t miss anything. It’s the beauty of a taped show. Despite hiding Damien, Roberts knows right where he was making the bit about hiding the snake completely pointless. Jake has gone for probably 5 DDTs in less than 10 minutes. I’m not sure if I like that or not as it’s making his offense look limited.

He’s getting pops for it though so I can’t complain. With Jake standing up, Vince says Savage was going for the elbow, and Jesse doesn’t correct Vince. Welcome to 80s announcing. After a ton of brawling that I was really getting into, both guys shove the referee for the double DQ. I can get that as both guys were hot at the moment and you want to keep them that way. Savage gets covered by the snake before running. Fink says that both parties have been disqualified. That’s just odd sounding.

Rating: B. This was solid for the time it had. There was pretty much no way one guy was going over the other here, but for the time they had this was quite intense stuff. I was into it, mainly because I had forgotten the ending. It’s a shame that there never was that definitive blow off that these two needed so much.

We see a clip of a segment at a bank between Slick and Heenan where Heenan buys Hercules’ contract for an undisclosed amount. This is a good deal for Heenan as it leads directly to this.

WWF Title: Hercules vs. Hulk Hogan

Before the match we have promos from both. Heenan says that his credit is good anywhere which means very little. Hercules says he’s already the champion just without the belt yet. We cut to a shot of Hogan’s chest doing the pec dance with hard nipples.

He says he’s checked Hercules out and Hercules might be a Greek god. To continue his completely insane promos, Hogan says he’s been hanging out in the Garden of Eden with his main squeeze Eve to prepare to face a Greek god before going 20,000 leagues under the sea to see the Titanic. Apparently the power lies in the palm of his hand. If there has ever been proof that cocaine was rampant in the 80s, this is it.

Back in the arena, Jesse is only confused about the power in his hand part, which might be the most normal part of what he said. He thinks Hogan has lost it and will lose the title here. This is a standard title defense, but Hogan apparently said this is his ultimate title defense. Remember this is before Mania 3 and Hogan is in the middle of his multi-year long feud with Heenan and his goons.

We hit the test of strength and it’s the same as happened at Mania 6. Even Jesse is having a hard time trying to sell Hercules as a major threat to Hogan. He’s still called Hernandez here which was phased out almost completely soon after this. Hogan has yellow tights and boots and blue kneepads. That just looks odd. In a cool looking spot, Heenan is being chased by Hogan and dives over the top rope in a great looking jump.

I mean he cleared that thing and landed on his feet in one movement. For your unintentional comedy of the match, Jesse says that Hogan looks good on his knees. After some very brief work on the back which was more or less back breaker and bear hug, Hercules goes to the backbreaker submission, more commonly known as a torture rack.

Jesse of course can see and hear Hogan quit but in this case Hercules lets him go early. That’s just flat out stupid from a kayfabe sense. Hogan hits the power kickout and you can connect the dots from there. Vince says this is a celebration of Hulkamania. Well that’s better than saying Wrestlemania was a celebration of life. Vince sucks on Hogan so much here you would think it was a porn movie.

Rating: D+. This was what it was. It’s about 8 minutes long and is Hogan with a very generic title defense. This was to do nothing more than get Hogan on television and have him look good, so if nothing else it accomplished that goal. Hercules was as cookie cutter of a wrestler as you could ask for, so this went well enough. It’s nothing special but it did its job. The length was good too as it got the story told in a brief method.

We get a short interview with Orton and Hart and Ventura at a Mexican restaurant where Orton has no shirt on for no apparent reason. This was nothing special.

We get a recap of Piper and Orton’s overly friendly relationship. That was some of the best stuff I can ever remember.

Piper goes on this great rant about how Orton owes Piper for everything and that Orton is SO much happier now being with Muraco, who he equates to Fat Albert. Also, Piper was rowdy before being rowdy was cool.

Roddy Piper vs. Bob Orton

Adrian Adonis attacked Piper earlier in the day apparently. Muraco is out at ringside too and is wearing a kilt for some reason. That’s inconsequential though as he’s sent to the back. Piper’s punches and fists are insanely fast. He looks kind of fat here for some reason. To end this very short match, Piper rams Orton into Hart for the rollup and the pin. This was all of two minutes long.

Rating: N/A. Way too short to properly rate but it was just a brawl with punching and some other basic strikes so it would have been low anyway.

After a commercial Gene is in the back with Piper who says the war has just begun. He would go on to feud with Muraco and then more famously Adonis in a few months ago. He also talks about how all of a sudden he’s popular but he doesn’t really care. Piper finishes this with the line of when I’m good I’m good but when I’m bad I’m much better. Is this guy just a walking catchphrase machine?

Hart Foundation vs. Killer Bees

According to Bret, these teams fought about 400 times at least so they know each other very well indeed. The Harts say they want the belts. Well that’s a great shocker. The ring looks small for some reason. Apparently this is a number one contenders match, or at least I think it is. They say the Bulldogs who had the belts at the moment are waiting n the winners.

Should be noted that around this time that the Bees were wearing masks where no one could tell who was who. We get an inset interview of them with Gene where they argue over who is Jim Brunzell and who is Brian Blair. That’s different I guess. Wasn’t this supposed to be an elimination match? They mentioned that in the opening of the show but I haven’t heard anything about it here.

You know, in every match we have with Anvil in it, he does a dropkick and everyone busts a nut over it. It’s not like it never happens. Also apparently the Harts haven’t worn pink before. This is being written just after Jesse and Vince did commentary on Raw so I’m all happy about that. Vince was so much better back in the day. He didn’t have that annoying gravelly voice.

We go to a break and when we come back we’re right where we were a second ago. Ok, now this is just to get into the tag title scene. I don’t get half of what’s going on here. The heels are dominating here. Has there ever been a better spot than having the referee miss a face tag?

The Bees go under the ring and put on their masks and do the obvious switch. Bret takes out the illegal Bee and they do another switch. The legal one pins Bret, which Jesse of course panics at. So much for the elimination bullshit. Vince uses the horrible line of to Bee or not to Bee. Yeah and he was considered good on the mic.

Rating: C-. It got a decent amount of time, but it wasn’t that great. They’ve wrestled each other so many times that if nothing else they’re going to be smooth out there and that was the case this time. This wasn’t bad at all, but the ending was predictable as hell.

Gene is with Koko B. Ware who is a newcomer at this point. He dances like the Hall of Famer that he is. Frankie doesn’t like Russia apparently. I already hate him more than I used to.

Koko B. Ware vs. Nikolai Volkoff

Naturally we get a song from one of the best jobbers of all time. This is like the ass of the 80s being shoved down our throats. We get a quick interview with Slick and Volkoff, where Slick talks about nothing out of the ordinary. Nikolai says that he’s happy with his new manager. In a stunning turn of events, the heel jumps the face. How is this a battle of Hall of Famers? I don’t get it and never will.

Koko does some weird rollup thing that as I think that it looked ok but did no damage, Jesse says that it looked good but it did no damage. I think like a politician apparently. They’re flying through this match and it’s still bad. After having Koko down, Volkoff goes over to talk to Slick and Koko rolls him up, which more or less is the same ending as the piper match from earlier. That’s not a good sign on a show with this little on it.

Rating: N/A. This is like two and a half minutes long so it’s really hard to grade. It was sloppy as hell though and I don’t like either guy, so we’ll go low on it and say it would have been about a D. That’s pretty low for people that are in the prestigious Hall of Fame wouldn’t you say?

Hogan, whose eyes would still say he’s ingested some of Columbia’s finest, say he’s like Superman when he has his Hulkamaniacs behind him.

Gene is with Don Muraco who says he’s not afraid of Dick Slater. This leads to Mr. Fuji singing a country song. You read that right. It makes this whole show.

Dick Slater vs. Don Muraco

Slater is the Rebel here, which means he wears the Confederate flag on his jacket. Yeah that’s going to go over great as a character. How did he land a piece of ass like Madusa? It’s always amusing when the jobber is allowed to get in offense.

It makes him feel important I guess. Actually the jobber is dominating here. That’s just odd indeed. Muraco hits a bad clothesline…and gets the pin. Yeah, after dominating the majority of the two minute match, Slater gets pinned by a botched clothesline. He left the company like a day after this.

Rating: N/A. It’s shorter than Koko’s match and somehow worse. This was awful.

Jesse and Gene wrap up the show, with Jesse saying he thinks Hogan is in big trouble and is running out of steam as champion. He would hold the title almost another year and a half. The closing credits have a guy saying to watch ALF. That’s awesome.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t much. The first match is good, the rest are quite predictable. SNME had a habit of showing the big matches first which was just a weird dynamic. I never got that. Anyway, there’s nothing of real note here, so unless you’re a fan of this era, check out the IC match and pass on the rest.

 

[Dre Guevara]

back in the day, I would look 4ward 2 SNME coming on TV, just 2 see Hulk Hogan, but this one in particular, had me worried as I was a die hard Hulkamaniac, & seeing how Hercules actually beat him in that match, I guess U can say I was in denial @ the time, & one of my cousins asked me afterward if I though Hogan lost that match, I had no choice but 2 disagree, when I knew 4 a fact he was pretty much done. IMO, the best matches on this show had 2 be Macho Man vs. Jake The Snake & the Harts vs. The Killer Bees. 4 the WWF 2 be as popular as they were back then, I think it was a gyp that the champion was rarely seen on TV aside from cutting a promo 4 the upcoming card that was coming 2 town, meanwhile, Ric Flair was always on the NWA shows whether he was wrestling, cutting a promo or even coming out 2 help the Horsemen jump on Dusty Rhodes. getting back 2 SNME, I never understood Y they had Hogan wrestle early in the show if he was the champion.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 26
Date: April 28, 1990
Location: Frank Erwin Center, Austin, Texas
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura

This is the first show after Mania 6, so Warrior is your new world champion. Jesse Ventura is in one of his final shows tonight I think. Actually he would be around until August. For those of you that don’t know, he left because he made a deal with Sega to let them use his face in a video game, but the WWF had a deal with Nintendo, so Vince had to let him go.

This would be considered a landmark show I would think, as we are in a new era of the company here. However, there’s one major reason as to why this era didn’t last long: Hulk Hogan. After he lost to the Warrior, Hogan didn’t step aside. He stuck around instead of going to make a movie or something like that. By sticking around, he made it impossible for Warrior to be taken seriously as the top guy because Hogan was just a bigger star.

Think of it like 2000 when Austin took time off for neck surgery. Rock got huge, but he wouldn’t have been able to with Austin still around. Other than that, nothing really has changed. Everything is the status quo, which means it should be good on wrestling and bad on angles. Let’s get to it.

Warrior says he will walk where no man has ever been. This was surprisingly coherent.

Haku, his challenger tonight, has Heenan say that he’s ready.

Mr. Perfect says Hogan isn’t perfect and tonight he’s going to prove it.

Hogan, or more commonly known as he who will not leave, says tonight he’s the professor and tonight Perfect and Genius are going to the principal’s office. Yes, that was the point of his promo.

The opening video is the traditional highlight package of guys fighting tonight, which if you caught onto the trick really was a great way of saying what you could expect tonight. We open with Vince and Jesse on horses. As they said on the Best of SNME DVD, Jesse looks perfectly fine up there while Vince looks scared to death. They run down the card from horseback, which is kind of cool actually.

Mooney is with Perfect and Genius. I think they just gave up on trying to convince anyone that Genius was straight and just let him act gay. Apparently ping pong, chess and horseshoes are sports. Perfect says Hogan is different since Mania, and he’s going to prove it.

Mr. Perfect vs. Hulk Hogan

Damn, he main events Wrestlemania and less than four weeks later he’s opening a TV taping. I miss the awesome logos everyone used to have. They were so simple yet so cool at the same time. That gum slap never gets old. Hogan says that they’re perfect fools and that Hulkamania will never die. It’ll never retire either. Gene is wearing one of those southern ties where it goes into two parts if that makes sense. I hate those things.

Jesse points out something very funny by saying Hogan must be hard of hearing since it takes him four tries to hear the roar of the crowd. That’s very true. This was allegedly supposed to be the main event of Mania 6 after Perfect won the 1990 Rumble, but that show’s main event was changed so many times I’ve heard of at least 4 different possible main events that Vince was contemplating even up to the new year.

Compared to the previous year and Mania 5 where the main event was set in stone about 18 months in advance, that’s saying a lot. In a stunning turn of events, Perfect is in trouble at first but then takes over and the fans are SCARED! It’s weird hearing Vince and Jesse like this after hearing them on Raw three days ago. They’re almost perfect here and it’s sad that they didn’t use this formula on Monday night.

I love how Vince defended Hogan forever back then but today more or less hates his guts. We’re on the floor at this point with Hogan beating up Genius. This allows Perfect to get the scroll and blast him in the head with it.

We take a break with Hogan in trouble and apparently this show is called the Tussle in Texas. I can’t stand gimmick names like that. They just sound stupid. Perfect is on control and you can hear the hearts of fans breaking everywhere.

This match feels really accelerated as Perfect controls for about two minutes before he Hulks Up and everything you expect to happen ends it. He beats up Genius afterwards to restore the glory of Hulkamania despite it never being gone in the first place. In a very interesting line, Vince calls Hogan the Brahma Bull. Holy shit. Vince mentions to Jesse we have a Barbecue, and Jesse is none too pleased.

Rating: B-. This was Hogan 101 and it worked fine. It’s just weird as hell seeing Hogan opening a show. This was fine as it was just a little TV match, but it was a perfect example of how to make Hogan look great and get a solid pop from the crowd. He was in trouble but he came back and defeated Perfect with relative ease.

However, that’s the problem: he defeated Perfect with relative ease. Perfect was supposed to be a big deal but he looked like a jobber here. He would win the IC Title in a mostly fake tournament soon enough though, so that means enough I guess.

After a commercial we come back for…another commercial. This one is for Arrogance though, that new cologne for wrestlers who don’t want to smell like a taco salesman from Tijuana. That sounded a lot better in my head.

Jesse is with Earthquake and Jimmy Hart. Quake was a total monster at this point and would be made the top heel over the summer. He’s got Hillbilly Jim tonight, which I’m sure will be a classic encounter. They reference Deliverance, and say they’ll make Jim squeal like a pig. For those of you that don’t know, in the film Deliverance, that’s what a crazed hillbilly says to one of the main characters before raping him.

Hillbilly Jim says Quake reminds him of a hog that won the Mudlick county fair last year. For anyone from Kentucky, this is one of the funniest promos you will ever hear because everyone knows someone just like Hillbilly and it’s dead on. For anyone not from here, it’s mindless babbling that you won’t understand more than two words of. I loved it of course.

Hillbilly Jim vs. Earthquake

First of all, let it be known that Jim’s music is freaking amazing on all levels. Jim wasn’t much in the ring, but he wasn’t supposed to be. He was a gimmick character that worked as well as any ever has. Can you think of a single time that he didn’t get a pop and a half? He was just so ridiculously over because of nothing more than the clapping thing he would do.

Like I’ve said before, he found something that worked and he ran with it. I would almost guarantee that if he came back today as a guest host, he would get the roof blown off almost any arena in the country. The key thing to him was that he was never taken seriously. He wasn’t shoved down our throats as a major player ever and because of that we never got sick of him.

Look at Eugene. He was originally an awesome character that a lot of people marked out for. Then they put him in an 18 minute match with HHH at Summerslam, and to the shock of no one, he got booed out of the building. The point is, keep the comedy characters in the right place.

As for the match, it’s a 90 second squash as Hart distracts Hillbilly and Quake hits a corner splash and two earthquakes to end this. That’s how it should have been. As usual, Quake’s opponent is taken out on a stretcher. That more or less was his gimmick which was fine.

Rating: N/A. It’s far too short to grade, but it did its job so this would have been a positive rating.

We get a quick promo about Rick Martel being in a match at the Maple Leaf Gardens. That’s odd indeed. He talks about Garvin, but I’m confused as hell about having a promo for a match in Toronto which would be a house show. The Bushwackers have comments about the show also, which is about Rhythm and Blues.

Jesse is with the Harts and says they were smart to challenge for the titles before the title match at Mania happened. Anvil literally says 5 words and that’s the promo. That was a bit of a waste if nothing else.

Hart Foundation vs. The Rockers

The Rockers say they’re ready and be prepared for a broken heart. We get a Dallas reference, as in of the TV show from the late 80s to really date the show. The horses are still at the broadcast booth. Let’s get this going. Given the guys in here, this is your standard great early 90s tag match. Seeing Bret vs. Shawn never gets old. You could tell that these two were going to be something awesome.

After about three or four minutes of solid back and forth stuff, the real interesting part happens as Demolition comes out. Somehow after being huge faces at Mania they’re tweeners here just four weeks and no television appearances later.

Even Jesse isn’t sure why they’re here. They don’t actually do anything but they distract everyone in there. Since it’s a Rockers match, Shawn gets beaten on for a long while before Marty gets the tag. Both teams are faces here so the crowd is a bit divided.

The Rockers were a great team but they never got that big push for some reason. As influential in the WWF as they were, they were nothing more than jobbers when you think about it. I’ve always loved that slingshot splash the Harts did with Anvil. Actually it was typically a shoulder block and not a splash but whatever. Anvil comes in and cleans house as Demolition is still on the floor.

Shawn gets thrown to the floor where Demolition tries to put him back in. Marty runs over and gets into a fight with Smash, leading to the inevitable 6 man brawl for the double DQ. That’s a shame and everyone, including the announcers and audience hate this.

Rating: B. It’s a shame they went with the angle here because this really was a good match. I get that they were going for the Demolition heel turn and they didn’t want to have either team lose, but still it’s a disappointment to say the least. These teams had undeniable chemistry and it’s another shame that they never had the big PPV match to show off how great they could be. This was good though.

Earthquake says he loves the environment and proves it by getting rid of waste like Hillbilly Jim. He calls out Hogan, setting up the summer feud, which didn’t happen over the summer for the most part as Hogan took months off due to an “injury.” He really made a movie.

Hogan says he’s not afraid of Earthquake and that Hulkamania is more powerful.

We come back from a break to see clips from Mania of Warrior taking the title.

Haku and Heenan make fun of being in Texas and that for once there’s going to be something good to remember in Texas: Haku winning the title. HAKU SPEAKS ENGLISH??? Heenan manages to coherently convince us that Rosemary Clooney, George’s mother, was at the Alamo.

Gene is with Warrior who says something about an hourglass and being the chosen one. Seriously, what in the hell went on in his head? This goes on for about three minutes and I have zero clue what he said. You know that Gene just wanted to shout BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???

WWF Title: Haku vs. Ultimate Warrior

The pop for Warrior is there as the challenger has no entrance and is just shown warming up in the ring. Yeah this is going to be an even match if there ever was one. Vince had Perfect and DiBiase and Rude and Savage and even Rhodes on the roster and he picked this guy to replace Hogan. Unbelievable. Surprisingly, we start fast.

Who would have guessed that in a Warrior match? Continuing the surprises, Warrior is odd, sloppy and a bit dangerous. They keep referencing the Mania 5 match where Rude managed to beat Warrior, which was apparently his only loss to date. That’s surprising indeed, which isn’t a joke this time.

We hit the slowdown mode as Haku goes through his incredibly generic power midcard guy offense. Jesse claims a slow count to get some very cheap yet basic heel heat going for him. That’s something he and Lawler were great at.

They could say something so simple like that and go off about it for a few minutes and it worked like a charm every single time. Using the exact same formula in the Hogan match, Warrior makes his comeback and takes over on Haku to hit his signature set of moves to end this. For some reason this isn’t the main event but whatever.

Rating: C. This was the epitome of average, but it did the job it was supposed to, which was getting Warrior a little credibility as champion. There’s nothing wrong with having him beat a midcard guy in an otherwise worthless title match and that’s exactly what he did here. This went fine and Warrior looked good, despite it being about five minutes long. That was his status quo and it worked out for him here so that balances out the boring as hell match.

We get a Bad News Brown promo about that Toronto show. Seriously, what the hell is up with these things? He talks about Roberts which was his feud at the time so that works fine. Apparently Jake doesn’t fear himself?

We get another Arrogance commercial, this time the tennis one which is a bit better known.

We see a clip from Mania where Boss Man got jumped by DiBiase before his match with Akeem. Ted beat him down which led nowhere for no apparent reason. Since Boss Man didn’t get a fair shot, we have Boss Man vs. Akeem in a rematch here. There’s just one flaw with that plan: BOSS MAN WON CLEAN. Why have a rematch if an already attacked Boss Man beat Akeem? Is a full strength one supposed to not be as good?

Slick and Akeem say that DiBiase has offered them a lot of money to beat Boss Man. That’s odd as well because unless it was on house shows and lasted all of a month, they never feuded over it. That’s the early 90s for you. Jesse throws it to Gene, who he says is the illegitimate father of all four mutant ninja turtles. WHERE IN THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM??? I don’t know but I want to go there because it’s the land of awesome. Boss Man says he’s going to destroy Akeem in a Texas sized beating.

Big Boss Man vs. Akeem

If nothing else, they have sweet music. Vince and Jesse argue over whether or not Gene looks like the turtles. Jesse says if you put a mask and a shell on him he would. Seriously, what in the hell brought this completely random and absurd debate on?

I remember DiBiase not taking a bribe from Boss Man which was why DiBiase beat on Boss Man at Mania, but other than that, there was nothing that happened between them. Jesse insults the Texas Democratic Primary and says it was dirty. Yeah it was so dirty that no democrat has won in probably a few centuries or so. Boss Man throws him around but gets caught with some bad punches.

He uses the same movements as Hogan when he Hulks Up but with amazing eyes while he does it. Those things are around the level that Edge would have. Boss Man manages to backdrop Akeem over the top rope. He had some freaking scary power.

The Boss Man Slam, which in this case was more like a clothesline and a leg sweep puts Akeem down but here’s DiBiase and Virgil for the beatdown. Seriously, I don’t remember these two feuding in an actual match ever. They cuff Boss Man to the rope and the booing is insane. Virgil gets the nightstick but Boss Man is the only smart wrestler of all time as he has the key to his own cuffs. He gets loose before he gets sticked and takes out the heels as we go to a commercial.

Rating: N/A. While Boss Man had some good power stuff in there, there simply wasn’t enough to go on here to grade it properly. The DiBiase run in is odd as it led nowhere unless I’m completely blanking on something. Either way, the angle at the end was far more important than the match, and since the angle was good this would have been a decent grade.

After the last commercial, we come back for our fourth Martel bit of the night as once again he’s talking about Arrogance. This is either a bad theme for the night or dumb booking and I’m leaning towards both.

Heenan says that Rude is coming for Warrior and the title.

Warrior says something about a disease being out of control.

Vince and Jesse talk about Rude being able to beat Warrior and Hogan running wild and eventually facing Earthquake before plugging the next SNME in three months to take us out.

Overall Rating: B+. They packed a lot into two hours here. They got over the main angles which is all you can ask for I suppose. The matches were at least ok and the whole show came off as good television. It wasn’t great, but it certainly wasn’t bad at all. Hogan and Warrior continue their domination, Demolition more or less turned heel or at least took a big step towards it, and everyone came off looking good. This was a solid follup to Mania and it set up the summer feuds. Overall, this is a good show and worth watching if you’ve got some time on your hads.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 6
Date: May 3, 1986
Location: Providence Civic Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

We’re about a month removed from the abomination that was Wrestlemania 2 and I’m fairly sure that this is the first major show since then. Upon further review, yes it is. Since this is the first show after it, there really isn’t a lot to say. Since this is a SNME, there isn’t much of a flow to the show at all and the last match isn’t normally the main event.

The opening match is Hogan and JYD vs. the Funks. JYD and Tito had fought them at Mania but lost so I guess JYD got tired of having great wrestlers like Tito in there so he got Hogan. It’s the 80s so blame it on cocaine like I always do. Anyway let’s get to it.

Gene runs down the card instead of us getting quick promos. That’s most odd indeed. Hogan gets the interview of course, and if this man isn’t strung out on drugs, then my name is Sharona. His eyes are as big around as Dusty’s ass if not bigger and he’s just raving to no end.

He talks for all of five seconds though before we hit the intro which is really smart as it has all of the wrestlers on it. That’s just smart as it’s a preview. On Raw or Smackdown you see a bunch of guys, but you’re not sure if you’ll be seeing them or not.

We see the Funks in the ring and then go back to the locker room to hear from them again. We get a clip from Mania where JYD gets nailed in the head with the megaphone which shouldn’t have hurt since there’s nothing there but whatever.

We throw it to Gene again with the faces. They have the Haiti Kid, a midget wrestler, with them to take care of Jimmy Hart. This is JYD’s reward for winning the Wrestling Classic. You can tell it really made it for him. Now am I being sarcastic or not?

Hulk Hogan/Junkyard Dog vs. Funk Brothers

The Funks are Dory Jr. (called Hoss here for no reason whatsoever) and Terry and they have Jimmy Jack with them, but he’s no relation so there we are. Hogan has chains around him for the intro. That’s very odd as I’ve never seen him carry anyone else. Hogan gets on all fours and rams the Funks’ heads. Oh this is going to be a long night.

Why is it called the WWF Heavyweight Championship? There wasn’t a light heavyweight title on American soil, so what’s the point? I guess it just sounds better or something. Hogan is in white here. If nothing else we get Heenan ranting on midgets, so that’s going to help a lot. Oh poor Dory. What the hell happened to you man? Heenan goes on a rant and says Hogan and Dog aren’t wrestlers. Oh I want to buy this man a ham sandwich.

Terry goes after Haiti Kid and I would pay big money to see them in a cage. The biases here are just hilarious. Terry beats on Dog and I like him even more now. Jimmy nails Haiti Kid and I like him even more now. JYD still lives here so I still can’t stand him. Heenan is just on fire here and he’s easily the most entertaining person or thing out here. JYD takes the Kid to the back, throwing him over his shoulder like a 12 pack.

Hogan gets a branding iron to the ribs once we get back from commercial, which might still be hurt from a few months ago. One nice thing about SNME is that the footage picks up where we left off at the break so we don’t miss any action. Dog is back now. I didn’t notice but whatever.

Oh dear the Kid is back and has a big bandage on his head. It looks freaking ridiculous. Terry misses what I’m assuming was a splash which allows Hogan to get the tag and pin him in about 4 seconds. The heels beat up the Kid as I cheer.

Rating: C+. It’s a standard 80s tag match. I’m not sure I get the point of Hogan opening the show when he’s the star attraction, but then again the 80s were a weird time. JYD continues to reach new levels of uselessness every time I see him so he was worthless.

The Funks were just not right for the WWF and were gone soon after this. This was fine and would have main evented any house show at any given time so it’s fine I guess. Nothing serious and it ends Funks vs. JYD, an epic feud if there ever was one.

King Kong Bundy vs. Uncle Elmer

Elmer was kind of the Mabel of his day, but somehow even worse in the ring. Let that sink in for a bit. This is what Bundy got after being in the main event of Wrestlemania. That’s just not a good sign at all. We go to a clip of the weigh in from earlier in the day.

Heenan manages Bundy mind you. Bundy weighs 468. Elmer is eating from a big bucket labeled Uncle Elmer’s Fried Pig Parts and says that it’s going into his stomach anyway so weigh it too. He weighs 430. What is Vince’s fascination with hillbillies? He’s had Elmer, Jim, Luke, Festus, the Godwins and more that I’m sure I’ve missed. Heenan doesn’t like Elmer that much. They can’t even do a big man showdown right as Elmer just has nothing.

This is exactly what you would expect it to be with all kinds of ass shots and splashes. Bundy hits an elbow drop and wins which is apparently a surprise. Bundy was in the main event of Wrestlemania and Elmer jobbed to Adrian Adonis. Why is this surprising?

Rating: N/A. Way too short to grade here as this went about two and a half minutes. Someone get Elmer a Twinkie before he passes out.

We go to the back where Adrian is hitting on a cardboard cutout of Orndorff who he’s wrestling tonight. Adrian is in a dress but says he can be vicious. And this guy was considered a killer in his time. We go to a clip of Orndorff training in a sweat box, resulting in shirtless Gene Okerlund. Paul would soon turn heel in an absolute epic run and become the top heel in the company, being right on par with Flair for heel heat.

Paul Orndorff vs, Adrian Adonis

The commentary here is great as they dance around the word gay as well as anyone I’ve ever seen. If you ever need a great set of euphamisms for gay, watch this match. Paul is just kicking ass here as this is just a glorified squash. We hit a commercial and again we miss nothing so there’s no point to even announcing them happening. Adrian has had no offense. Jimmy Hart and a shot from the megaphone changes that though.

It took five minutes to get to that though. After Adonis takes over for a bit, Orndorff makes the comeback and ties him in the ropes, but it’s backwards as he’s behind the bottom rope instead of the traditional sitting down look. Paul beats the hell out of him and rips the dress off before shoving the official and drawing the DQ.

This was the first real sign of his heel turn and the hottest feud in the world as Hogan was working out and couldn’t answer the phone, causing Paul to just go insane and nail him, leading to them fighting around the country for the title with Orndorff getting 20,000 a night with ease. His arm was fucked to hell and back and it is still noticeably small to this day, but at that kind of money, how do you stop?

Rating: D. This was WAY too long. It’s about the same length as the opener, but as you can see I had much less to say here. There’s just nothing to talk about in it as it’s very repetitive and boring as hell. It’s more or less a 12 minute match to get to the point where Paul just snaps and goes towards the dark side. This should have been 7 minutes, not 13.

Hogan and Gene are sitting in an otherwise empty arena and we recap Bundy jumping Hogan to set up the Mania match. Why do they do this? I have no idea but whatever. Hogan says his usual stuff and then we get a clip of Hogan vs. Bundy from Mania, which wasn’t so much a bad match but kind of a match where you have to wonder why this was the main event.

My guess was that they kept having to change things as they didn’t know what to go with. Since Bundy was put in there about three weeks before Mania, you can tell they had no clue what they were going to do and that Bundy was as much of a last choice fill in as they could have found. I’ve heard about ten different stories about who was getting the shot from Nikita Koloff to Savage to another tag match to Terry Funk.

They had no clue and I guess Bundy was all they had left. To be fair though, nothing else on that show meant anything as they didn’t know what they had with Mania. You kind of have to forget about that show as the next one is the defining Mania and sets the standard.

Steamboat says he’s ready for Jake. That’s a hell of a match actually as Jake was the best new heel in forever as he was creepy and thinking instead of some big fat man going full speed ahead.

Jake talks to Damien and says he needs the snake to squeeze Ricky tonight.

Jake Roberts vs. Ricky Steamboat

Jake is undefeated here. And before the match starts Jake jumps him and we hit the floor where Roberts drops him with the DDT on the exposed concrete. Steamboat is DEAD. I remember on the SNME DVD Roberts said he was just dead weight here. I mean his head slammed into the concrete.

Roberts warned the management that he could legitimately kill Steamboat here and he did hurt him badly. This set off a feud between the two, namely here because Jake puts the snake all over Ricky. He would come back with a Komodo Dragon that could eat the snake. That’s quite cool actually. The replay shows that Steamboat legitimately slammed onto the concrete.

Rating: N/A, for obvious reasons.

After another commercial, we hear from Gene, Albano and the Bulldogs, who won the titles from Beefcake and Valentine at Mania. Tonight is their first title match against former champions the Sheik and Volkoff and for some reason it’s 2/3 falls, which I guess is just to fill in time.

Lou says that they’re gymnastic wrestlers. That’s a very odd description. We get a clip of them winning the titles which was by far and away the best match of the night. Gorilla and Gene’s reactions are great. Albano is freaking insane.

Tag Titles: Nikolai Volkoff/Iron Sheik vs. British Bulldogs

First thing that pops into my head about this is that the fans aren’t going to be stupid enough to chant USA. Old school fans were just smarter, period. The singing of the anthem was just priceless every time. We get ANOTHER interview with the heels who say that they’ll win and everyone will be happy.

The fans start barking which at first I thought was booing. And inside of two minutes Davey taps to the camel clutch. GREAT JOB of making your champions look strong there Vince. That was Cena vs. Punk territory there. That’s just freaking stupid. Vince gets in a line saying that one more fall and the tag tiels leave the free world.

No one can ever accuse Vince of being low key. Sheik actually gets an abdominal stretch that has the toe hook so maybe Gorilla wouldn’t have complained. I doubt it though. The Bulldog (Dynamite hasn’t been in yet) is getting destroyed here as we have all kinds of 80s references.

Volkoff thinks the match is over and comes up fast and gets rolled up, prompting Vince to call him an idiot twice. Albano and Dynamite help Bulldog to his feet and when we come back for the third fall, it’s still Smith in there. Apparently Dynamite has a torn knee ligament. Dynamite FINALLY comes in.

In an ending that has my mouth hanging open, Sheik puts Dynamite in the clutch and Davey comes in for the save, then rolls up Sheik for the pin. Note: Smith is wearing LIGHT BLUE and Dynamite is wearing DARK RED. Seriously, this is just freaking stupid and sounds like something out of ECW.

Rating: D-. I have NO IDEA what the point of this was. The champions look like jobbers, the referee looks like an idiot, and the should be jobbers tag team looks completely dominant. I don’t get this at all and it was boring and sloppy on top of that. This was just bad.

Vince and Bobby wrap things up and we’re out.

Overall Rating: D. This was the epitome of a throwaway show. Nothing of note at all happens here other than Orndorff showing signs of going heel which wouldn’t happen for a few more months. There’s just nothing here and it wasn’t entertaining in the slightest. You could tell they didn’t have any clue where they were going next as this was all fallout from Mania. When the show you’re falling out from sucked, the fallout is going to be even worse. This was awful and you should stay away from it.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 1
Date: May 11, 1985
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Long Island, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura

So I figured this was a good one to get around to. This is the fallout show from Mania but there isn’t a ton of fallout. No one really knew what this was going to be like but it was an experiment worth trying at least. It was the first chance a lot of people would have to see these guys on television as it was shown on NBC in prime time which was unheard of back then. Either way, this should be fun so let’s get to it.

As usual we open with the main faces for the night talking. Wendi Richter and Cyndi Lauper are talking about the match with Moolah tonight and Hogan and Mr. T. say they’re ready for Bob Orton tonight. As always, the music kicks lots of ass. Jesse is in pink. He can get away with it though.

Iron Sheik/Nikolai Volkoff/George Steele vs. Mike Rotunda/Barry Windham/Ricky Steamboat

That’s quite the face tag team. This was on the SNME DVD (kick ass DVD that should certainly be picked up if you can find it. Awesome stuff on it) as an extra. Blassie is with the heels and Albano is with the faces. The two foreigners had taken the tag titles from the US Express at Wrestlemania for a token tag title change.

About a year prior to this, the US Express had been using Real American for their theme music. That went to Hogan of course and here they use Born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen which works like a charm for them as it’s perfect. We start with Windham and Steele which is an odd matchup if there ever has been one.

Sheik was hitting the end of whatever usefulness that he had at this point. Rotundo would soon head to WCW and become a member of the Varsity Club, ending in an awesome moment with Rick Steiner taking the TV Title from him after months of being talked down to by him. Wow what a tangent that was.

Oh and he's more commonly known as I.R.S. Oddly enough the faces dominate early on. We go to commercial with the faces dominating. We begin the awesome SNME tradition of not having action during commercials so we don’t have to be all confused about how we got to a point during a break.

Wow there are four hall of fame wrestlers in here and two on the floor. That’s rather impressive, especially considering that the two that aren’t in there are two of the three most talented. Steele comes in and his teammates abandon him, allowing Windham to get a quick rollup for the pin. Steele eats a turnbuckle and the tag champions beat him up. That doesn’t last long as Albano comes in to calm him down and Steele is a face.

Rating: C-. Eh this was fine. It wasn’t meant to be anything special other than a way to get Steele out of the dark side, but the heel offense consisted of about four Volkoff punches and other than that it was a complete squash. I don’t get why it was so one sided, but it did its job and wasn’t bad at all so for the first match in show history this was perfectly fine.

The heels blame Steele for the loss and Steele and Albano scare them off.

Piper’s Pit

The guest is Paul Orndorff, who was Piper’s partner in the main event of Wrestlemania. Orton is there as well. Paul more or less says go ahead and try to beat me up to Orton which Piper tries to defuse quickly. Piper has to be high on something. Either that or he’s just completely insane. I’m not sure which it is.

Piper keeps insulting Orndorff and then he would jump up and yell at both guys who run and scream. Piper finally gives up and calls Orndorff a piece of garbage and Paul cleans house. A piledriver is blocked by a cast shot from Orton. Mr. T. makes the save. Ok, we get it: Mr. T. is in a wrestling company. Let it go already.

Hogan says he dedicates the match tonight to his mother. Ok then. He’s also happy about Paul’s recent face turn.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Bob Orton

Hogan coming out to Eye of the Tiger is some combination of odd, awesome and epic. You figure out the proportions. Naturally it starts out with Hogan completely dominating Orton. This was also on the DVD but the color and picture quality were WAY better there. It looks bad here to say the least. This is exactly what you would expect it to be: Hogan works the arm and then a shot from Orton gives him control. Our hero is in trouble. WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO???

Well at the moment he’s going to get his ass kicked a little more. And of course there’s the comeback and you know the finish. Actually I typed too soon. Hogan drops an elbow and uses a headbutt of all things. Orton takes over again. This is most odd indeed. Hogan fights out of the superplex and comes off the top rope! He goes for the leg but Piper runs in for the DQ. The heels beat up T and set for the double team but Orndorff runs out for the save and the full face turn.

Rating: C. This was just pure average. It was what you expected but the DQ was kind of odd. It’s not like a pin would have been odd here but whatever. This was fine for what it was. Hogan gets on TV and the biggest star got to showcase himself.

After a break we come back to the three of them posing and you can just tell that Vince wants to fuck the hell out of all of them.

Gene is with Cyndi Lauper and Albano. Lauper has a VERY annoying voice. These two started the Rock N Wrestling Connection and launched wrestling into the stratosphere.

They air her new video which has about ever wrestler with a cameo in it other than Piper who shows up to yell about it. That was awesome actually.

Women’s Title: Wendi Richter vs. Fabulous Moolah

Before the match, Moolah says she’s tired of the interference so Lauper is barred tonight. The reading of the announcement that Lauper is gone tonight takes the better part of forever to get through and FINALLY we get to the match. This was match number two that fueled the mega run that wrestling went on.

We’re on the floor nearly immediately. To say Richter was popular at this time was the understatement of all time. She would actually main event house shows if you can believe that. Surprisingly, Moolah is being beaten down for the most part here. Considering she was champion for about 30 years, that’s saying a lot. Yes I know she didn’t really hold it that long but that’s kayfabe for you. Richter gets a quick small package for the pin.

Rating: D+. This is just long enough to grade but there isn’t anything of note here. It’s ok but that’s about it. Women’s wrestling back then was more of a clusterfuck than it is now, but the women could work MUCH better than they can today for the most part. Ok not really but these two had a feud going and that was better than nothing. Yeah the match sucked and I’m rambling.

JYD has his mother here for Mother’s Day. Her name is Bertha.

Pete Doherty vs. Junkyard Dog

Take a wild guess who wins here. Grab Them Cakes is a decent song if nothing else. Them Cakes means a woman’s ass in case you were wondering. Oh never mind that’s Another One Bites the Dust. Wow my hearing must be off. And it’s a three minute squash with Doherty being on the floor for a lot of that. JYD and his mom dance afterwards.

Rating: N/A. This was just thrown in for filler as a lot of stuff was around this time.

We come back to see Cyndi Lauper’s Mother’s Day party. It’s just a long line of wrestlers with their “mothers” including Hogan. They all say they love them and then a food fight starts.

Jesse and Vince wrap things up.

Overall Rating: C+. It got the big names on TV other than Andre but he was a very sporadic guy at this point. This was fine for a debut but you could see that it was a lot of rehashing Mania which to be fair was so groundbreaking that they didn’t have a lot of other stuff to go with. Also, that was the hottest thing in the world back then so they were right to go with it I guess.

Not bad but a lot more for entertainment than wrestling which is fine. Great job of showing who everyone is though so that’s a major plus. Check it out because it’s a huge deal as far as starting a big tradition so there we are.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 7
Date: October 4, 1986
Location: Coliseum at Richfield, Richfield, Ohio
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura

This is more or less the beginning of Hogan vs. Orndorff and not much else. We’re not quite to the build for Mania but we’re getting closer. Not a lot is going on here as this is pretty much the end of the summer series of matches. Back in the day you had a lot more summer feuds as you had two sets of house shows touring the country.

For example you would have Hogan vs. Orndorff in half the country and Roberts vs. Steamboat in the other. That’s kind of cool when you think about it and they were far big enough matches to carry the fans’ interest. Either way this is just kind of an off the wall show where they just kind of threw it together with whoever they had there. Let’s get to it though.

Roberts, in regular tights which just looks odd, says he’s ready for Steamboat and he’ll win.

Johnny V. says the Dream Team will win tonight.

Kamala is a savage.

Orndorff is ready.

Hogan says he’ll get back at Orndorff.

Damn I love this intro.

Piper is hurt apparently. Adonis, Muraco and Orton hurt him. Piper is freaking PISSED and says he’s fighting anyway. This was great.

Hogan says that he’s mad at Orndorff but he’ll get him back tonight. Hogan says he’s old. This was 23 years ago. For those of you that don’t know, Orndorff had turned face to help Hogan fight Piper and Orton and they were best friends. One day Heenan started saying Hogan didn’t care about him so he called his house saying he could get him any time.

Hogan couldn’t come to the phone as he was working out. This made Orndorff think he wasn’t important and Heenan accepted him. Basically Orndorff just wanted appreciation which isn’t asking for much is it? Orndorff does something most interesting; he steals Hogan’s music. There’s a great feud there somewhere.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Paul Orndorff

We start off very fast but some cheating from Heenan has our hero in trouble! We go to the floor and they beat on each other quite a bit. Ok make that Hogan takes a beating including from the microphone cord. Vince says there are over 20,000 people here, which is what the first Survivor Series brought there in about a year.

I find that a bit odd. Paul gets more offense in than I would expect but there’s your traditional comeback by Hogan. Heenan grabs the foot though and cops show up to throw him out. That’s original back then I guess. They literally pick him up and carry him off and we go to a break with Heenan trying to get out of the cell thing they put him in.

Paul beats on him a bit more but then the piledriver is reversed and Hogan does his usual. Adrian Adonis runs in for the DQ and Piper comes in to save Hogan. That’s just odd as hell to type. Adonis has a bad arm injury as it’s just hanging there. Ventura hates Piper as a face.

Rating: C-. This was hard for them to mess up as they had it about 200 times in a year. They raked in money though so it was worth it. They would have a far more famous cage match in two SNMEs to blow it off before Andre returned for the angle with Hogan. This was fine though.

Jake Roberts vs. Ricky Steamboat

This is a Snake Pit match which means nothing at all. Gene interviews Jake and Damien in the shower of all places. Roberts had dropped Steamboat on his head at the previous SNME and then Steamboat had beat him at a huge show called The Big Event in Toronto which is coming up soon. This is match three I guess.

Steamboat has a bag of his own and Jake doesn’t even get an entrance. Ricky has his own dragon that can eat snakes I guess. Steamboat is freaking moving out there. Steamboat’s bag is moving like crazy. This is all Steamboat until a top rope splash misses. It becomes a battle of the bags as both guys try to get to theirs’ first and it’s not working so we try the wrestling thing again. It amuses me that Vince is a former world champion and Jesse isn’t.

There’s something just hilarious about that. This is fairly back and forth until Ricky gets a crucifix for the pin. Jake of course jumps him and then we have the showdown of the animals. The Dragon wins.

Rating; C-. This was ok but just ok. There was nothing special here but in just over six minutes there’s not a ton you can get going. This was the other hot as hell feud in 86 so having it on TV made a lot of sense.

Hogan says that he was really turned on and turns it into a courtroom analogy of some kind. He also tells Piper to not save him again.

We go to earlier in the day to see Slick and Sheik arriving and saying they’re ready for whoever is replacing Piper tonight. Sheik has to take his clothes off to pose.

Pedro Morales vs. Iron Sheik

It’s apparently 1983. Piper comes down anyway and says he’s fighting here. Piper starts going after Slick and then after getting pounded on for about 30 seconds Piper gets a small package for the win.

Rating: N/A. No clue what the point of this was. Apparently this was a great victory for him.

We hear from the Dream Team who say they’ll win.

Piper calls out Adonis like a freaking CRAZY man. This never gets old as his attention to detail was second to none.

Tag Titles: Dream Team vs. British Bulldogs

To the shock of no one this is 2/3 falls. We start with Dynamite and Valentine. Oh yeah it’s Valentine and Beefcake making up the Dream Team. Somehow this is a higher profile match for Beefcake than the main event of Starrcade 94. The Bulldogs are hard to tell apart but Davey is bigger if nothing else.

Not by much though. You can definitely see Dynamite in Benoit. Valentine can’t decide if he wants to work on the arm or the knee. Your finishing move is the figure four. Use your blonde head buddy. Dynamite gives up in the figure four, making it two straight matches on SNME where the Bulldogs have tapped out.

We cut to the locker room where Gene says that Adonis might have a separated shoulder and we go to a replay showing how it likely happened.

After a commercial we have fall 2. This is more or less heel dominance even though they have as much of a chance of winning here as X and I do. Davey gets the hot tag and dominates. I love that vertical suplex. The powerslam puts Valentine down and then Brutus comes in for the save.

He gets caught in a fireman’s carry and after a tag, Dynamite jumps on top of his back and hits a super diving headbutt for the pin to tie us up. After a commercial we have Dynamite and Valentine. Dynamite’s knee was hurt for the better part of a year as steroid abuse just went crazy. Adonis has a shattered elbow apparently. The heels are completely dominating here until we get a brawl as Davey makes the save after a high knee. With Dynamite on Valentine, Davey gets a fisherman’s suplex for the pin.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here with the psychology of the knee working through the entire match and the great balance here. It was another win for the champions which is never bad. This worked pretty well though and it was four good workers so there we are.

Kamala vs. Lanny Poffo

Ok what are you expecting with three minutes left in the show? It’s a total 80s squash, making it AWESOME.

Rating: B+. All for being quick and Kamala scaring the hell out of me back in the day.

Overall Rating: B+. This was a far more fun show than others. It’s got a good tag title match and the two hottest feuds on the planet at the time. Ok so it doesn’t have Magnum vs. Flair but whatever. This is worth seeing though as we approach some epic feuds. Check this out.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 31
Date: November 14, 1992
Location: Hulman Center, Terra Haute, Indiana
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

This is the last show for nearly 14 years as Raw would debut in January so there was no point at all in having both shows running. Tonight is a night of champions with all three matches being title matches. Yeah there are only three matches tonight. This is really just filling a contracted date with FOX but whatever. Let’s get to it.

Of all people, AL BUNDY does the intro. He says tonight should be great so let’s get to it since he says to.

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Ultimate Warrior/Randy Savage

You should know the ending already by this point. The faces run to the ring and beat the hell out of the champions just because they can. Heenan has the Brain Scan again which is still funny. He uses it to turn this into a Ross Perot joke, making him my hero. Warrior, wearing a singlet, comes in. Warrior misses a shoulder tackle and humps the mat which looks odd as hell.

IRS’ finishing move was a flying clothesline. What does that tell you about his career chances? Flair and Ramon are happy about the faces losing which makes no sense as they’re fighting them at Survivor Series anyway, so why not hope it becomes a title match?

Warrior would bail about three days before the show so the match never happened and Perfect would get the spot in a great angle. Savage gets the hot tag and takes over. IRS takes the big elbow but DiBiase makes the save to start the big brawl. The Maniacs just kick ass and the heels run for the CHEAP count out. The challengers chase him out and then Ramon and Flair show up for a six man brawl in the aisle.

Rating: C+. It was pure domination by the faces which is kind of stupid as it makes the champions look weak as hell but they were booked as smart and cowardly anyway so that’s all well and good. This was really just to give the Maniacs some ring time together for experience which didn’t matter at all as it became Perfect and Savage anyway.

Music video for Bret Hart, which I thought was from YEARS later.

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. British Bulldog

This match might have set a record for being on the most DVDs in wrestling history. It launched Shawn into being a midcard champion and made Bulldog a transitional champion if there ever has been one. This match is a picture perfect example of both psychology and storytelling. After they mill around for a bit, Shawn hooks an arm lock on Davey.

Davey stands up and lifts Shawn with one arm (which someone else who wasn’t a power guy at all did in another show I reviewed, showing that it’s really not anywhere near as impressive as it’s made out to be here) and hurts his back. Now keep that in mind as it comes into play later on. Shawn’s face is PERFECT when he does that. Now, for the next few minutes, what does Shawn do? He works on the BACK!

Davey threw in something there that his back was injured and Shawn went with it. That’s the best example of psychology I can give you. Shawn was thinking as he wrestled and it made the match seem much more realistic. If you were in a real fight like this and you saw the other guy’s arm bleeding or him favoring it would you go after his leg? Of course not.

You attack the enemy where he’s weak which is what Shawn does here. After a LOT of back work, Smith of course makes his comeback with all his traditional moves like the big delayed vertical suplex and holds his back afterwards. He sets Shawn for a suplex from the top but his back gives out and Shawn falls on him for the pin and his first title. That is great psychology and thinking out there and always the first example I use when asked for a definition of psychology in a match.

Rating: B+. For all the reasons stated above, plus this was more or less the debut of Shawn on the national stage. Bulldog would be in WCW inside of three months. This was an excellent match and it made perfect sense, which you might get a match a year that does that anymore.

Flair and Ramon say exactly what you would expect them to say. For the life of me I never got this partnership.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Papa Shango

Bret says he’s not overlooking Shango here before he gets Shawn Michaels at Survivor Series. Damn those two were just joined at the hip. Hart had won the title in a TOTAL shocker at a house show in Canada as Flair more or less said he wasn’t resigning when his contract was up. I mean it was just like a token title defense for Flair and Bret made him give up to just stun the hell out of the crowd.

Unfortunately that wasn’t on home video for years and I only saw it within the last two years or so. Bret wasn’t ready for the spot yet, but they realized he was all they had because they couldn’t, KEEP THE BELT ON THE VETERAN SAVAGE or anything like that. They made Savage the commentator despite him holding the title all summer long. Why in the world they never did Bret vs. Savage is beyond me.

This is more or less a Bret Hart 101 match. He starts off hot then messes up before getting the living hell beaten out of him for a good while. It’s amazing how good Bret was at selling for big guys. We have a long sequence, as in about 4 minutes of Shango beating up Bret. Shango is more commonly known as Godfather to younger fans by the way. Anyway, Bret of course makes the comeback and hits his signature series to get the Sharpshooter for the tap out.

Rating: C+. It was a standard TV match and that’s fine as it got Bret some national exposure which is what the whole point of these shows were. He would have a forgotten classic with Shawn in about two weeks at Survivor Series before eventually moving on to Yoko and Wrestlemania. Damn Bret never really had the defining moment in his title reign come to think of it.

We have the Funeral Parlor with Taker talking about the casket match and Kamala comes out to run away. This was four minutes I’ll never have back.

Bret and Shawn have a showdown.

Heenan says one of the Ultimate Maniacs won’t wrestle at the PPV and that one will have a new partner. I guess they knew already.

Overall Rating: C+. I just got done with the first Raw which more or less was the reason that SNME went off the air and to say it’s a completely different era is an understatement. You can clearly see the jump forward with Raw, but this show was WAY better.

I don’t know if it was based on the quality of matches or what, but this felt like a major show while Raw felt like something that could air at 2am on a Friday night. Oddly enough, Raw would get better and this would be far worse when it returned so there we go. It’s 45 minutes minus commercials so check it out if you’re bored as it’s not an awful show at all.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 27
Date: July 28, 1990
Location: Omaha Civic Auditorium, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Jesse Ventura, Vince McMahon

So this is more or less just the buildup show for Summerslam, as Hogan is returning from another injury (read as he was making Suburban Commando) and is here to confront Earthquake (read as making a match for Summerslam so that people will pay to see it. Are you listening TNA?). Warrior is world champion here.

We have a theme of Wild Kingdom here and we’ll have Alfred Hayes and Gene Okerlund going through the “jungle”. This is really infamous for its stupidity but it’s really not that bad. Let’s get to it. The card sounds stacked actually.

That theme song simply does not get old to me.

Heenan and Rude say that Rude is the real king of the jungle. Yeah these are going to get really old really fast.

Warrior talks about the food chain or something like that,

WWF Title: Ultimate Warrior vs. Rick Rude

It can never be said that these shows had boring openers. Rude is the only person to ever beat Warrior? Wow indeed. I’ll give Warrior this: he could get a crowd going faster than anyone else could other than Hogan. Rude sneaks up for a sneak attack to get us going. Well at least he got that part right. Other than Honky, no one could sell an atomic drop like Rude. This is all Warrior so far.

And now he goes to the top. This won’t end well at all. Actually it did as I’m very surprised. The splash misses though so there we are. A belt shot to the head and the evil one is in control. Rude and the mustache of doom get Warrior down with a sleeper and the referee checks his leg for the three drops. Wait what? Yeah, he uses the leg instead of the arm for no reason that I can see at all.

Warrior WARRIORS UP but Rude just punches him down which is very odd indeed. The Rude Awakening only gets two and the kickout gets a solid pop. He initiates his ending sequence as Vince is orgasming right in front of our ears. Heenan breaks up the pin though and we go to the floor. Heenan gets beaten up and I guess that’s enough to DQ Rude. We’ll get more from this later.

Rating: C+. Good stuff here as these two just had freaky chemistry together for no apparent reason. They simply didn’t have bad matches and this was no exception. Rude would be gone in two months. The ending freaking killed this thing though. If it was clean or even not clean but with less Heenan, this is up in B-/B territory.

Hayes and Gene get ready to go on safari.

Boss Man has the slam of the night.

We get a video tribute to Hulk Hogan. This is like 4 minutes long.

It leads to Hogan making his epic return from injury (I’d be hurting too if I had to make Suburban Commando but that’s just me). He thanks the fans for the cards and letters and he says that he’s going to answer them all. Something tells me that’s bullshit. Even if they sent a standard thing back, that would have been cool.

Hogan just looks weird in the red shirt here. He says Tugboat will be in his corner. It wound up being Boss Man for no apparent reason. The evil heels come out but Tugster makes the save. This was the buildup for my first ever PPV so to me this stuff is epic to me.

Hayes and Gene are on safari. For some reason everyone thinks Gene’s name is Gene. This is more or less set up like some old school jungle hunt documentary with Hayes narrating as they go. They run into Koko B. Ware who is looking for a mate for Frankie, who he implies is a female bird. That’s most odd.

Gene trips and sees a snake who is picked up by Jake, who in the “wild”, is in full wrestling gear and cuts a promo on Bad News Brown who he’s feuding with. They come to a railroad track and cross, just in front of the Bushwackers who are walking along the tracks. This whole thing was on the SNME DVD and it cracked me up both then and now.

Tag Titles: Rockers vs. Demolition

Demolition are freshly heel here and are using the Freebird Rule to defend the tag titles. Crush has just debuted to become the third man. They would drop the belts to the Harts in a classic at Summerslam. Naturally the Rock N Roll…oh sorry wrong company. The Rockers use a ton of speed moves to get an early advantage but Smash just beats the fuck out of Marty.

I think you know what’s coming and of course the third guy on the floor (Ax in this case) interferes and the heels take over with nothing but power. The reason for bringing in Crush was Ax had a heart problem and they needed someone to give him a break in the ring so Crush was brought in to eventually become the new main guy along with Smash.

Jesse being such a complete asshole is always funny. The faces make their comeback and after a double superkick (which amusingly would more or less seal the thing in about 5 years or so but here it means nothing) and the double fistdrop, Ax makes a switch and gets the pin. The Harts and the LOD run out to protest. If there was a four corners match back then, this was the perfect candidate for one of them.

Rating: C-. This was the epitome of a basic TV match. There was no way the Rockers were winning but they were (I guess) credible challengers and over with the fans so there was no reason not to give them a shot. It was all to build to Summerslam so that was fine. Boring match but it was just filler anyway.

Gene gets bit by a bug and thinks he’s various animals. They’re really pushing this whole jungle thing.

Intercontinental Title: Mr. Perfect vs. Tito Santana

This should be good. They start off very fast which is always a good sign. Tito was in the middle of being depushed, even though he was still better than most of the company by a few miles. Perfect could throw dropkicks with the best of them. Jesse’s borderline racist jokes about Tito selling tacos in Mexico always crack me up. Tito comes back and the referee hurts his knee which might be legit actually.

Actually I’m thinking no as Santana gets the figure four but there’s no referee. The timing there is too good to be real. Tito hits the forearm but the referee takes forever to get there so it’s just a long two. I love how the referee is in agony and no one comes down to help him at all.

Three minutes after he gets hurt another referee comes out as Hebner gets no help at all. Perfect getting a towel offered to him by Bobby is amusing for some reason. Perfect uses a sidekick of all things, more or less Sweet Chin Music. Where in the hell did that come from???

Tito comes back now for about the 3rd comeback of the match. They’re working hard out there too. Perfect is bumping like a wild man out there which is one of his old trademarks. Tito hooks a small package but Perfect reverses to get the three.

Rating: B. This was great stuff as they literally don’t stop other than for about 30 seconds near the beginning. Santana was awesome as always and they hammered each other out there so I can’t complain a bit. I would have loved this getting twenty minutes on PPV rather than Warlord squashing Santana and Perfect jobbing to Von Erich.

Earthquake and Bravo say they’re not worried about Tugboat. It’s rather disturbing to talk about a guy named Earthquake as the Haiti one was a few days ago.

Back in the jungle, they see Snuka and then Slick and Akeem. One thing I’d like to know: in the jungle, how are they recording the show? Do they just have a really long extension cord? Gene falls into the water but Hayes saves him. What in the hell was the point of this?

Buddy Rose vs. Texas Tornado

This was more or less Von Erich’s debut. Screw the more or less part actually. Rose is one of two that opened the first Wrestlemanias actually. Vince makes a ton of fat jokes for Rose which are annoying. This is ALL Von Erich as it’s a squash. He gets in the basic stuff but Rose makes a short comeback, leading to the Tornado Punch for the pin.

Rating: N/A. It’s a squash to end the show. Von Erich would win the IC Title in a few weeks.

Rude talks about caging the animal that is the Warrior. Warrior isn’t afraid.

Gene and Hayes play with a monkey to end this.

Overall Rating: B+. This was a great show as it’s about an hour long without commercials and had good wrestling, advancing of stories and some comedy. Probably the best I’ve reviewed yet, so check it out if you have time. Very good show.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 36
Date: August 2, 2008
Location: Verizon Center, Washington D.C.
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Welcome to the end of an era, as no one at all cared about this. We might not have even had an LD for it and if we did it was all of five posts. This is nothing but a joke as it’s three matches long with one being Yang vs. Khali. This was treated like nothing and it came off like nothing.

This was the Jenny McCarthy show where she was there to talk about autism. The problem was simply that no one wanted to watch this show and WWE put zero effort into it. It’s I think an hour long but it could have easily been a thirty minute show. This was a formality so let’s get to this so we can get it over with.

They changed the theme song to Here Comes the Boom by P.O.D. Good song, but it’s got jack on the first theme which I grew up on.

JBL/Kane/Priceless vs. John Cena/Batista/Cryme Tyme

Punk is at ringside and is world champion here. We of course can’t have him get an intro or anything since that’s not important here. Priceless is more commonly known as Legacy in case you were confused. The feuds here match up as the tag teams, JBL is about to fight Punk and Cena is against Batista, which makes no sense but whatever. Batista of course gets the big old hometown face pop.

Adamle is the new GM and Cena vs. Batista has been announced for Summerslam. I would say this is the buildup show for that but that would be a lie so there you are. Kane and Batista start us off. This was before Legacy had anything resembling credibility even though they’re the Raw tag champions at the moment.

We go to commercial with the heels dominating and come back with the heels dominating some more. There’s not a lot to talk about here as you can see no one is really interested out there. More or less we’re just shifting back and forth between heels that get to beat down Shad. Cena gets the hot tag and then after a big brawl JBL hits JTG with the Clothesline From Hell for the pin. He stares at Punk for awhile afterwards. I think he wants a Punk shirt.

Rating: D. This was just crap. It felt like a post show dark match after a Raw or something. You can really tell that there’s not a lot of thought being put into the show. JTG was never even legally in the match. Thankfully we’re over 1/3 of the way done already though.

Jeff Foxworthy talks about autism.

Smackdown and ECW will be in England.

Carmen Electra talks about autism.

Great Khali vs. Jimmy Wang Yang

Khali gets a video about how great he is while he’s coming to the ring. It goes longer than I thought as Yang actually makes it 90 seconds. This was to build Khali before his underrated match at Summerslam with HHH.

Rating: N/A. Good idea, but how about someone with a big more credibility than Yang?

More celebrities read scripts about autism, which is fine. I have no problem with charity/health research stuff being done.

McCarthy comes to the ring for what is I guess the big thing for the evening. Or actually she doesn’t come to the ring but rather just stands on the stage. This was like a minute long and she didn’t even get in the ring. Ok then.

We read off the card for Summerslam, which wasn’t bad at all.

Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

No real point to this, just a match between two guys that have a good match. Since I’m arguing with X over Genesis right now, I’ll say it here too: that’s fine on a free show, but not for one you have to pay for. This is the night after Foley’s EPIC promo on Edge where he said that Edge would get killed by Taker in the Cell if he went in with the attitude he had then.

This is another example of a match that rarely is bad and this is no exception. There’s just a natural chemistry here. Hardy hurts his leg on a big spot so Edge of course pounces on it. They go back and forth for a good while until Hardy makes his comeback. Hardy sells the knee throughout which is all I can ask of him. He gets Edge on the floor and while he’s not looking MVP runs out and gets a shot to the head of Jeff, allowing Edge to spear him for the pin.

Rating: B-. Again, this is hard to screw up. I really hate MVP running in but it makes sense with the stories I guess. This was their usual good stuff but this was a standard TV main event. It was fine for what it was but it was nothing that great overall, which fits this show perfectly.

Post show on WWE.com, Grisham interviews McCarthy who says nothing at all of interest.

Overall Rating: F+. The main event if that’s what you really insist on calling it was decent but overall this was nothing more than filling a commitment. No one cared about this and the rating was through the floor. It’s also been the last one in about 18 months and I don’t expect any more for a long time.

On a side note, it’s likely a coincidence but does anyone else find it odd that Vince brought these back and went to 36, which is one more than Clash of the Champions which went to 35? It very well most likely is a coincidence but I wouldn’t put it past Vince to have just done these to pass this show’s counterpart.

Either way, this was a show that died and no one cared about it, so that’s about it. Clearly stay away from it as there’s nothing at all of note here and Edge and Hardy have had about ten other far better matches.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 35
Date: August 18, 2007
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross

Again we’re setting up for Summerslam here which was a pretty decent show at the end of the day. Again though there’s very little effort put into this one seemingly although we do have an hour and a half here instead of an hour like last time so this should be a bit better in theory.

We’re looking for Vince’s son here which could have been great but Kennedy screwed it up and since WWE had zero patience they messed it up. Also Evander Holyfield is fighting Matt Hardy in a boxing match here. Let’s get to it so I can get to the next show quickly.

We open Coach and Vince setting up the story of the illegitimate son and saying tonight they’ll be going through most of the roster. See how that one thing tying the whole show together could help the whole show get a bit better? Coach implies he could be the son and Vince says it’s going to be a long night. You can feel like this is at least a decent show on paper as we’re in the world’s most famous arena and Vince is here. That just makes the show feel bigger.

Batista/Kane vs. Great Khali/Finlay

Khali is champion here and Finlay is about to turn face in a few months. Batista would get the his shot at Summerslam while Kane and Finlay would have a fight there too that sucked. The faces beat the hell out of Finlay before we go to commercial and come back to have Khali beating up Kane. Khali puts the claw on the injured ribs. My head hurts. He’s just squeezing his side. Could he be any lazier? I mean come on now.

If you ever want a reason to know what Khali is said to be unable to wrestle, HERE IT IS! GOOD NIGHT that was a poorly worded sentence. Batista comes in and beats up Finlay. And here’s Horny who is a heel here so Batista just throws him into Kane. They get Khali tied up in the ropes and just ram Horny into him like a battering ram. That was funny actually. A double chokeslam on Khali leads to Finlay being ended with Batista’s usual stuff.

Rating: C. This could have main evented any given Smackdown if you added three minutes to it. It was fine for what it was and it came off pretty well I guess. It’s certainly not a great match but it works for an 8 minute long show on a completely thrown away show I guess.

Vince is looking in a mirror and it turns into a picture of him from the 80s. Simmons shows up to say DAMN. That made NO sense.

HHH is coming back at Summerslam.

Holyfield talks to MVP about nothing in particular.

Coach and Vince are in the ring and it’s time for another of the illegitimate son angles. These were funny at first but at the same time they more or less didn’t know who they were going with once Kennedy got suspended and it just got stupid. Coach talks about Vince’s sex life and Vince snaps at him. That made me chuckle for some reason. Coach thinks that the child could be from Kentucky. WOOT!

And it’s Eugene, which would mean that Vince fucked Bischoff’s sister. That seems a bit too stupid to believe. Vince says he slept with a woman, not his cousin. They mention Uncle Eric and apparently Eric got into wrestling for Vince nailing his sister. That’s creative if nothing else.

Good night they messed up that character to hell and back. Coach asks Vince if he remembers the Mania 2 after party in LA (even though Vince was in the New York portion of the show but whatever) and Melina is brought out. Both seem very nervous and it’s implied they slept together. Can I get a Mackenzie Phillips joke? Coach says he has one more and Vince insists they come out.

Cue glass shattering and an eruption from the crowd. Austin wearing sneakers just doesn’t look right for some reason. They had to go here eventually and I can’t blame them. These two simply belong together. Austin looks like he’s in great shape as compared to when he was in the ring.

He says that Vince could have been a good dad and lists off some things that Vince might have been able to do with him, including talking about the birds and the bees. This is amusing if nothing else for the look on the face of Vince, and Austin is always good for a one off appearance.

The fans pop at the idea of a Stunner. Coach gets it after Vince takes two low blows “to calm down his grapefruits”. Beer is consumed and is poured on Vince’s balls. Of course Vince gets a Stunner as well. Apparently Balls Mahoney was in this segment as well but was edited out for time I guess.

Holyfield is still warming up.

John Cena vs. Carlito

These two always wind up together for some reason. They had split two matches thanks to Orton and this is match #3. Well it’s quick if nothing else. This is exactly what you would expect from these guys as they have a decent little match but there’s nothing at all to get excited about. Carlito starts in control and the comeback hits for the STFU tap out. Orton comes in and gets a belt shot in and an RKO on a chair. Wow they actually did storyline advancement. I’m in shock.

Rating: D+. This was ok at best and bad at worst. It’s also about 5 minutes long so there was just no meat here at all. This was pretty weak though. It did however close an angle and builds on Orton vs. Cena so that was a major perk. Still though, not very entertaining.

And now we replay half the match for no apparent reason.

Orton says he’s coming for Cena at Summerslam.

A bunch of the Divas are here to watch the boxing. I can’t believe they’re going through with this.

Matt Hardy vs. Evander Holyfield

Again, this is boxing. They call Holyfield the best ever. He wasn’t even the best of the 90s. This was about contest #298 between MVP and Hardy as Hardy was supposed to fight MVP but since both guys kept getting hurt and he couldn’t beat MVP for the US Title like he was supposed to. Michael Buffer is here. Come on man you have a career man!

Oh Holyfield has a title fight for one of about 4 world titles floating around at this time. The idiocy of this astounds me. In case you don’t get why, Holyfield is one of the best boxers in the last 40 years, but apparently a guy that has never boxed in his life is supposed to stand a damn chance against him.

There is no reason this should go past 30 seconds in any sort of reality. Holyfield has no headgear on while Hardy does. That helps a tiny bit I guess. After a video package on Hardy we’re back. The rounds are two minutes long. And Hardy is in trouble 20 seconds in. That’s better than nothing I guess.

He’s down again after a minute. He’s down again after a minute and a half. This needs to end like now. Hardy is either a hell of an actor or he got the hell knocked out of him. Oh the Divas are the ring girls. I got it. Holyfield refuses to punch him anymore. Ok that’s better than nothing if nothing else. MVP tells him to attack so he gets punched.

Rating: N/A. This was just odd as hell but of course they gave it more time than anything else tonight. At least Holyfield completely dominated so that’s better than nothing.

Tazz comes out for commentary.

CM Punk/Boogeyman vs. John Morrison/Big Daddy V

These two both had matches at Summerslam I think. Scratch that, only the two with talent had a match. This is about as boring of a tag match as I could imagine. There’s nothing of note happening as it’s Morrison for about 90% of this as BDV is so freaking fat that he can’t move much let alone have a good match.

This is more or less all Punk and Morrison which makes sense if nothing else. It was really short if nothing else and they actually had a commercial in here. This was boring as hell though and nothing of note is happening. And Punk gets a small package for the pin.

Rating: D. I just wanted this to end at this point. There was nothing at all of note going on and they were just out there to fill in time. The match did I guess give Punk momentum going into Summerslam so I’ll give them that. Still a very poor match though.

A video highlight reel of the show ends us.

Rating: D. Well there was some ok stuff here I guess. Nothing great happened here though and more or less you could have skipped this show and been fine. That’s what I did and I was fine on the next shows. Not a good show at all but it could have been far worse, like the next one. The show and concept were dead at this point though and it showed badly.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 32
Date: March 18, 2006
Location: Cobo Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz

And the show is back. What used to be the biggest show of the weekend when it was on is now back! And no one cares at all. It got hype but no one watched. There’s even a main event tonight: Shawn vs. Shane. Yeah I don’t care either. It’s a build for Mania and that’s all there is to it. Let’s get this over with.

The McMahons say they’re ready for Shawn.

Shawn is ready for Shane and says hell a few times.

HHH says he’s ready for Cena at Mania. They’re using the old style of interviews to open the show which is smart. Cena, HHH’s partner tonight, runs in to make fun of it.

JBL imitates My Name is Earl. He has a drinking contest with Austin tonight.

Boogeyman acts creepy.

HHH/John Cena vs. Randy Orton/Rey Mysterio/Kurt Angle

This is Raw’s main event vs. Smackdown’s main event. That’s not terrible but there’s no realistic way that Smackdown can lose. Cena gets some hearty boos for his troubles. The remix of Rey’s music SUCKS. Cena and Orton start us off. Feel the shock! There’s a ton of smoke in the arena which makes it kind of hard to see. HHH and Angle is a big match that I would have liked to see get more time.

More or less this is just a way to get each combination of all five guys including arguing between each other. The crowd boos the hell out of Rey vs. Cena which is kind of odd. HHH and Cena argue their way into a commercial. HHH and Mysterio fight WAY too long for a multi-man match. Cena makes the Superman run and the fans openly boo.

As he goes off, naturally HHH Pedigrees him. He does the same to Rey though just to be fair. And Orton takes out Angle. No one seems to care about any of this mind you. We’re left with Cena and Orton and Cena rolls him up for the pin. That was the definition of a clusterfuck at the end there.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t interesting at all in practicality but to be fair the concept was kind of decent. Seriously though, they beat three world champions without a ton of issues and HHH leaving. How in the hell does that even begin to make sense? Oh yeah it’s Cena in 2006.

We talk about the Hall of Fame inductions and list everyone off. It’s Hart and Guerrero as the headliners even though Guerrero doesn’t belong in the Hall of Fame but he died so he’s automatically great I guess.

Teddy Long checks on Booker who says he’s injured. He’s faking and doesn’t want to fight Boogeyman. I can’t blame him. I’d rather hear Sharmell shout instead. On second thought give me the worm guy.

We come back for the Cutting Edge with Foley as the guest. This was leading up to the big hardcore match that made Edge seem more legit at Mania. He of course calls Foley a coward because that worked so well in the past. Foley shows up with tacks and winds up in them. He smiles and Edge panics. It ends with Edge getting a conchairto and Foley being happy. Not bad at all and it sets up the match even more which is all I can ask for in the end I guess.

Booker was faking. Boogey is hanging upside down in his locker room and Booker runs away screaming. Now tell me what’s wrong with this. You got it. Booker is wearing the wrong colored socks. Always gray Booker. Remember that.

Beer Drinking Contest: Steve Austin vs. JBL

Something tells me I know how this is going to end. JBL dances for awhile. There is a TON of beer set up in the ring. Apparently Taker is going to get called out by Mark Henry. Good to know I suppose. He runs down Detroit sports and says that they couldn’t win an inter squad game. Don’t you always lose those technically? He runs down the whole city and it’s a bit stupid indeed.

He talks about Benoit and their match at Mania and he needs to just shut up already. Finally the glass shatters and we’re ready to go. There’s actually a story here as Austin gave his list of best wrestlers from Texas and left JBL off. So they’re having a beer drinking contest. That’s completely pointless but they’re trying I guess. Austin is so smooth on the mic that it’s scary. Thankfully they point out the Texas thing. JBL says that if he didn’t have a broken hand he’s stomp a mud hole in Austin. He stomps with his hand. That’s rather stupid.

Apparently Austin has been practicing his drinking: 24 cans and 15 pitchers. Wouldn’t that like, kill him or something? It would have to bust his stomach or something. Both guys have 25 beers (Canadian apparently) and it’s the most they can drink in a minute. JBL thinks they should stand back to back and Austin doesn’t want to and JBL turns it into a Brokeback Mountain joke of all things. Austin is just destroying him here on the mic.

JBL is cheating by going early and then pouring it down his tie. Austin’s reaction is great but he gets beer thrown on him. That’s just dumb man. Benoit throws JBL back in and Austin…ok if you don’t know what he does, you have no business reading this review.

After a commercial, we’re ready for this.

Victoria/Candice Michelle vs. Mickie James/Trish Stratus

Mickie was a lesbian stalker that was hot as fuck back then, including a kiss and a shower issue. Candice is on the cover of Playboy at this point also. And it’s a two and a half minute match. It’s all Trish, literally. I think the point is that they won’t let Mickie in. And Trish wins on her own anyway, only to get smacked by the hot crazy lady.

Rating: N/A. The girls looked amazing if nothing else.

Henry calls out Taker. The Druids bring out a casket and Taker beats up Henry and Daivari. Their Mania match made Henry look bad. Think about that for a minute.

Shawn Michaels vs. Shane McMahon

This is a street fight since Shane is in it. Oh I forgot to mention how amazing Lillian looks with her hair pulled back. Lillian looks amazing with her hair pulled back. Glad I got that done. We start in the aisle and Shawn is kicking all kinds of ass. The fans want tables. Oh joy indeed. ECW is on at the moment so that makes sense I guess. Shane sends Shawn into the post to bring us to even. Vince is at ringside also.

And we have a ladder two minutes in. Well at least they’re not wasting any time with it. And Shane gets suplexed from the top of the ladder through two tables and everyone is out cold. We’re 4 minutes in mind you and it’s commercial time. Back from the break and Shawn is dominating. He goes up a ladder and Vince gets the two worst cane shots I have EVER seen. They barely made any noise!

More or less it’s a handicap match here. I was at the handicap match these guys had at Backlash and it was pretty bad. Could Ross be any more ridiculous about his insulting of Vince? It’s always freaking stupid. He has no soul and no god apparently. Yeah that’s not too far at all. More or less it’s all Shane at this point. Screw the more or less part actually. The Coast to Coast misses and Vince takes it in the face.

Never mind that it wouldn’t hurt very much at all the way they did it but whatever. Shawn makes his comeback and hits the chin music but the referee is pulled out by Vince. And then, and I can’t believe I’m typing this, Shawn is put in the Sharpshooter and Vince says to ring the bell. That’s how it ends. Yep, that’s really it.

Rating: C+. There were some good bumps but the ending made me shake my head very hard. They’re referencing it 9 years later, even though they used it a few months ago too. Anyway, other than that this was pretty good I guess but nothing masterful. Shawn can bump as well as anyone in the world and that helped a lot, but the ending was just idiotic.

Overall Rating: C+. There was one good match here and two good segments. Other than that there wasn’t much to talk about. The show tanked beyond belief so after this they more or less stopped trying to make this a big deal at all and that was likely the best thing they could have done. Not a great show, but far better than some of the others they would come out with in the future.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 33
Date: July 15, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, JBL, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re back four months later for another SNME. There’s really nothing being built up to here although I guess you could say Great American Bash, even though it was only a Smackdown PPV. This is really the last chance for SNME before it becomes just a throwaway show as we have Cena vs. Edge for the world title. There’s also an elimination match with DX vs. the Spirit Squad. I was at a fair when this show happened I think and watched it when I got home. Oh and ECW is here now. Let’s get to it.

We open with Hogan and Brooke as I have visions of TNA dancing in my head. Oh sorry I have a bad connection. That’s T&A dancing. I had a future vision of Brooke becoming the stripper she was born to be. Brooke says this is a dream of hers. I thought that was Hulk getting lost one day and not embarrassing her anymore. Hogan says Hulkamania is alive. Orton comes out and gives Brooke a rose and challenges him for Summerslam, which is on. Match sucked of course. Brooke stares at Orton as they leave.

Finlay/Booker T./Mark Henry vs. Rey Mysterio/Bobby Lashley/Batista

It’s Booker and Rey who is world champion at the moment, Lashley and Finlay who just won the US Title and Batista and Henry who have a number one contender’s match at the Bash. Batista of course gets a bigger pop than the world champion. Rey would lose it at the Bash in case you were wondering. They start this out just like you would expect it to before we have Batista and Henry with their big showdown.

Horny, not known as that yet, hits Rey to give the forces of evil the advantage. Cole asking how much more of him are we going to put up with amuses me. Rey has issues fighting Henry and we see how they fucked up his reign. No one bought him as anything because until he got Booker he was only against monsters which is freaking DUMB. Patrick throws up an X for some reason as someone is hurt I guess.

I think it was Henry if I remember correctly. Yeah it was as he whispers something to the referee before the X goes up. Yeah he didn’t have the match with Batista as I think Kennedy got it instead. Yeah he ripped his knee to fucking shreds and split it in two. Batista gets the hot tag and ends Booker. Was Lashley ever even in the match? I’m actually not sure. That’s rather pathetic.

Rating: D+. Well if nothing else the feuds lined up. The match was complete and utter crap but that shouldn’t surprise anyone that’s been paying attention. There wasn’t much here as it was all the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION getting beaten on and Batista, NOT THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION making the save. Seriously I can’t get over how badly they fucked him up as champion. It could have worked with bookers not muscle crazed writing it.

Vince tries to fire up the Spirit Squad while DX interrupts. Hijinks ensue. DX more or less do commentary on his promo which we can’t hear. They imply Vince likes being spanked.

We get a clip from the first round of Bikini Bull Riding and it’s Michelle vs. Victoria in the finals.

Johnny Nitro/Melina vs. Carlito/Trish Stratus

Morrison is the IC Champion here and has Carlito soon and the same is true with the humans with vaginas. The girls start. Carlito was actually working hard at this point and giving a damn so this is at least entertaining. And as soon as they come in Trish hits a Thesz Press to the floor and the Back Cracker ends it. Wow that was fast.

Rating: N/A. What was the point of this again? At least give them four minutes or so. Oh that’s right: we need bull riding.

Kevin Von Erich is here. Good to know.

DX vs. Spirit Squad

DX cuts a generic promo first. This is elimination rules with the eliminate people being put into a cage. The cage thing was added just before the match but they just happened to have them laying around I guess. Ok then. It amazes me that one of those people is Dolph freaking Ziggler. Shawn and Mikey start us out. Shawn hits all five guys in the head with the plastic megaphone and they huddle up.

HHH and an air horn break that up pretty quickly though. Mitch meets a boot and it’s 4-2 as we go to commercial. A spinebuster puts out Johnny. Kenny tries to leave and that goes badly for him. Apparently it’s a no holds barred match. Vince pops Shawn with a chair for general evil purposes I guess. On the DX DVD they air the stuff that happened in the commercials.

That’s actually interesting as if nothing else for extreme collectors it’s something that you might want for some reason. It’s different if nothing else. HHH more or less beats up all three guys by himself which makes sense here for a change. See you Nick. Ok make it 2-1 now. And you know the rest. Shawn superkicks Vince into the cage and we go to commercial.

Rating: D-. Way to make the champions look legit there guys. Seriously, HOW DID DX NEVER WIN THE DAMN TITLES??? That makes less than no sense. They beat these guys about 10 times and they never won the damn belts. That’s where they lost what little credibility they had. Actually that’s because of male cheerleaders having them. Never mind.

Sabu is in the WWE. Good to know.

Khali and Daivari are in the ring and say they’ll beat Taker. Show comes out and says he’s the real giant. Taker comes out and you know the rest. Taker goes through a table. The Khali Taker match never happened mind you.

Show hypes up his match with taker on Tuesday on ECW which is actually a cool idea that they need to go back to: a guest competitor on the show to fight the champion once a week. It would give us a reason to watch or something I guess, even though the show is already cool.

Sabu vs. Stevie Richards

And here’s your token ECW match that no one will care about. This is an extreme rules match thank goodness. Richards is talented if nothing else. He doesn’t get an entrance though so there we are. Sabu kind of hits a triple jump moonsault but kind of doesn’t which is a good result for him. It’s table time and an Arabian Facebuster later we’re done.

Rating: N/A. Sabu would be gone in a few weeks as Van Dam and he had gotten caught in the car with the pot and the kettle and the dinette set.

Orton hits on Brooke more and then RKOs Hulk on a car which didn’t actually connect but whatever.

After another commercial it’s time for the bull riding thing. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled. McCool, the teacher here, is first. Not a bikini but whatever. Ross is ticked off at Orton so he won’t talk. I really don’t like him at times. She lasts 12 seconds. Victoria is a half cowboy and half Indian. We get a nice ass shot if nothing else. She’s off in 7 seconds so McCool wins. I don’t care either. This took less than 2 minutes total.

Lita and holy shit how is she staying in that top? Wow. Anyway she and Edge are on the way.

Raw World Title: Edge vs. John Cena

Anyone think this is going to work at all? We get the big match intros which I always love. And we’re at a commercial a minute in. This is going to suck isn’t it? Edge is more or less dominating here and keeps putting Cena down at every turn. Edge needs that one big win in his career and he’s never really gotten it.

It’s nice having a title match here. It makes the show feel important if nothing else. The BOO YAY thing gets going with the fans being on Edge’s side. Cena CENAS UP but Lita pulls the referee out for the FU for the cheap as hell DQ. Cena responds by FUing Edge from the stairs through the table to end this and the show.

Rating: C-. Not bad but way too short to be good. These two have fought about a thousand times as you know from the thread in the wrestling sections a few days/weeks ago. This was fine and it was a title match on SNME so I can’t complain on that front. Nothing great at all but I’ve seen far worse.

Overall Rating: D. There’s very little here but at least the first and last matches made sense. Again though you could really feel that there was no point at all to this and it was just a total clusterfuck of a show. No one really cared about it from a fans’ perspective but there’s some watchable stuff so that’s fine I guess. Take a look at this one maybe as it’s the 2nd best of the revived shows.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 34
Date: June 2, 2007
Location: Air Canada Center, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Again, there’s nothing this is really leading up to and there’s nothing resembling a main event. The company had just given up at this point and threw this on with 5 days notice. Amazingly, Benoit would be gone in 6 weeks. That’s hard to fathom as he’s on the card tonight. There’s nothing to talk about on this card so let’s just get to it so we can end this thing already.

No intro and we’re at the first match already.

John Cena vs. Great Khali

Cena is in his one year reign with the belt here and is obviously feuding with Khali. So they’re having this at One Night Stand…which is the next night apparently…so we’re having it here too. Even TNA isn’t this bad about repeating matches. Why did they even have these shows anymore? Khali is completely dominating here. We’re a minute in and Cena has had nothing.

Make that three minutes. Khali dominates even more and all of a sudden Cena has him up for the FU. It doesn’t work and then the chop and chokeslam…gets the pin with one foot? The idiocy of this astonishes me. The world champion just got fucking SQUASHED 24 hours before a PPV. Let that sink in for a bit. Ashley is ring announcer for no apparent reason.

Rating: F. THE WORLD CHAMPION just got SQUASHED in five minutes a DAY before the PPV. Why watch it now??? Why should I buy the PPV now? I know Cena is going to win, but why should I buy Cena as champion now? Apparently Khali needs 5 minutes to beat Cena, and while Cena won the next night, this was fucking stupid. I can’t defend this at all.

And now let’s advertise that match!

The ECW World Champion Vince McMahon is here. Oh how I hate Vince at times. His ego knows no bounds at all. Lashley gets his title shot the next night. He wouldn’t win or anything but he got his shot. So tonight it’s arm wrestling but Vince pulls out and it’s Mark Henry instead. Of course it turns into a fight and Lashley is left laying. That took 10 minutes somehow.

So we’re almost halfway through a show and the two faces have been destroyed. Great booking so far.

Christy, looking hot as hell, interviews Edge. Apparently tonight’s theme is the biggest, smallest, strongest and strangest. Edge sounds like he has a cold. He’s Smackdown Champion at the moment. He’s none of those things though: only the greatest. That’s not bad at all.

Edge/MVP vs. Chris Benoit/Batista

Again, this is almost creepy given the time period. Benoit and MVP are having the leftovers of their US Title feud and Batista has Edge tomorrow night. Benoit and Edge are of course so over it’s ridiculous. Edge keeps running from Batista and of course the Animal is hurt just like always. Good to know some things never change I guess.

Benoit goes off on MVP to a huge pop. We go to pure formula stuff here as Benoit gets dominated to set up the Batista hot tag. Can we at least do something new? We’ve been using that same formula for 20+ years now. There’s your hot tag and Batista just ends them. The Bomb beats MVP for a face win.

Rating: C. It’s a perfectly average main event tag team match. What more do you want from this really? It’s not bad at all but it’s not great either. There’s nothing particularly bad or good here and it’s about ten minutes long. It’s watchable if nothing else.

Horny and Finlay and Boogeyman and Little Boogeyman are coming to the ring. Just take me now.

Hornswoggle/Finlay vs. Boogeyman/Little Boogeyman

Cole wants to go under the ring and see what’s under there. No, you really don’t man. Trust me. The big guys start and then Little Boogeyman beats up Finlay. Please just shoot me. Someone have mercy on me I beg of you. Thankfully this is like 2 minutes long with Finlay pinning the little guy but Horny had to help him. I give up.

Rating: N/A. This was so stupid. What was the appeal of midget wrestlers? I fail to get it.

Extreme Expose is next.

They come out and dance to some bad rap song. The midgets come out and put a Diva on each of their shoulders to play chicken. Oh dear.

The DRAFT is coming.

Kane/Doink/Eugene vs. Viscera/Kevin Thorn/Umaga

They deserve the ratings they get for this bullshit. The clown and the vampire start us off. Please just make this quick, that’s all I ask. They actually gave this 11 minutes. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? Eugene gets the hell beaten out of him until Kane gets the big tag. Umaga destroys him and then Kane destroys the very fat man for the win. Somehow that was 11 minutes that I’ll never get back. Just get us out of here please.

Rating: F-. This was on in 2007. Let that sink in for a minute.

Overall Rating: F. This was just freaking dumb. I have no idea what the point of this show was but it completely failed. Nothing here is serious and the WORLD CHAMPION LOST IN FIVE MINUTES IN A SQUASH!!! I need a drink. Thankfully the “modern” SNME are done now (remember I don’t do these in order). Stay away from this so Vince won’t get anymore “ideas”. Only evil can come from those.

 

[The Brain]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 32
Date: March 18, 2006
Location: Cobo Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz

And the show is back. What used to be the biggest show of the weekend when it was on is now back! And no one cares at all. It got hype but no one watched.

You just can't recapture that original magic. In the 80's Saturday Night's Main Event was awesome. Every one felt like a big can't miss show. Saturday Night's Main Event is what made me the fan I am. Part of the reason for its original success was because you rarely saw feature matches on free tv in those days. There were hardly even any pay per views. Now with a two hour raw, two hour smackdown, ecw, and superstars every week, and monthly ppvs, these shows do not stand out.

This show did serve a good purpose for me. It did manage to get me more excited for WrestleMania. I didn't think the hype going into WrestleMania 22 was very good at all. They were just going through the motions and hyping mania for being mania instead of for any specific matches. It may not have been great, but it gave mania some much needed hype. So while the snme magic was gone this show was ok with me. The rest since have been meaningless.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 13
Date: November 28, 1987
Location: Seattle Center Coliseum, Seattle, Washington
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura

This is the follow up to Survivor Series, which aired just 48 hours prior to this show. To recap what happened there, Hogan lost to Andre. Yeah that’s about it. I mean seriously, NOTHING else happened of note. The thing is though, Hogan had stopped looking invincible, which was a key thing here.

The main match which isn’t happening last of course is Hogan vs. Bundy for the title in a Mania 2 rematch a year and a half later. I didn’t realize this was so soon after Survivor Series as this was taped about two and a half weeks prior to that show. The commentary alone here should be most interesting. Let’s get to it.

Have I mentioned how much I love that intro?

The announcers run down the card and show a clip of Danny Davis hitting George Steele with the bell. This happened in the Spring but we’re getting the match now. Ok then.

George, with a Miss Elizabeth action figure cuts a promo, if you can call it that. No one can say he was traditional.

Danny Davis vs. George Steele

Davis was the referee that went heel and became a bad wrestler with an interesting gimmick. Steele is way over and Davis is way hated. This should be decent from a crowd perspective. The wrestling will suck though. Davis tries to sneak up on Steele and he does a SWEET jumping reverse drop toehold. That’s the best description I can give it but he did it without turning around. It was awesome. Let’s go with that.

That was what was great about Steele’s character: he was the original Eugene more or less. There was a freaking hilarious bit on Tuesday Night Titans once where he got electrocuted and started talking like a normal person for a few seconds and then another shock turned him back into his usual self.

It was better if you saw it I guess. Davis has a foreign object and it gives him the advantage. Steele gets the flying hammerlock (don’t ask) off a missed punch and Davis kicks the referee for the odd DQ. Why not just give Steele the submission? I don’t get that but for a four minute match to end an incident from six months ago I can’t blame them that much.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t supposed to be serious so I’ll go easy on it. You simply can’t grade every match the same and I try not to in cases like this, although that doesn’t always work. This was fine for what it was as Davis cheated to get the limited offense in that he could, but at the same time he got caught and everyone was happy in the end.

We get a clip from the last SNME where the Hart Foundation beat up Savage and cost him the IC Title, giving us….BRET VS. SAVAGE!!!

Bret Hart vs. Randy Savage

Ok, immediately this is at least a B as dude, how can this not be awesome? This was Bret again trying to be pushed but they pulled the plug on it again. Savage and Liz say they’re mad. At the previous show Liz got attacked as well to really set this up. Neidhart and Jimmy go after Liz but Savage makes the save. Brian Bosworth, a Seattle Seahawk, is here for no apparent reason.

Honky says he wants more of Savage. This was to set up Savage vs. Honky at Mania to let Savage get the belt, but the crazed one makes the save. Savage more or less just goes insane before going up for the double axe to the floor, but Jimmy has the referee and the megaphone goes into Savage’s ribs. This match was on Savage’s DVD and it might have been on both Bret’s and the SNME DVD but I’m not sure.

More or less this was Bret’s time to show off and showcase what he could do in a one on one match and I’d say he’s doing well. Savage remembers he’s not in Memphis and kicks out of a piledriver. They’re giving this some time. Bret goes up for his second rope elbow but comes off with one like Savage would do which misses. Savage gets backdropped over the top rope and hurts his ankle.

In an interesting idea, Liz unlaces his boot. Scratch that she takes it off. If this was ten years later that would have a completely different meaning. Bret shows basic psychology by going for the ankle. It makes me cringe to think of how many guys would just ignore that and go for something else. After a brief attack with Savage having one leg, he pulls a Steamboat and reverses a slam into a small package for the pin. As odd as it sounds, this made perfect sense at the time.

Rating: B. This was a way to showcase Bret and he came off looking like a great worker that was a rookie and made a rookie mistake. That’s just fine as this would be like Cody Rhodes vs. Shawn Michaels today. This was fine and it came off very well.

Heenan says Bundy will win the title tonight.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy

Heenan brings out Andre to be the cornerman for Bundy. We haven’t gotten any reference to Survivor Series yet either. Hogan, with tassels from the headband over his eyes, cuts a completely insane promo about being brought back to life from a heart attack or something like that. Has there ever been a better theme song than Real American? I think not.

Something tells me this is going to be a run of the mill Hogan match. He throws a high knee if nothing else to break the monotony. Yep the slam misses and a crowd that is barely moving has an incredibly loud and audible chant. What a shock. Yeah Vince fucks up and says just after that that the crowd isn’t very lively, yet they just had a very loud chant.

We hit a chinlock for a minute or five and Hogan makes his comeback only to have Andre jump Hogan. He gets sent to the back and the match is restarted. What follows is, shockingly, a Hogan 101 match as he does his normal get beaten down by the power heel only to make the comeback and win.

Actually that’s a lie as amazingly, Hogan LOSES. Yeah. They fight on the floor and Heenan keeps Hogan from getting back in time and Bundy wins by countout, which is exactly what happened two days before, although it was One Man Gang and not Bundy but whatever. Hogan goes after Heenan and hurts his neck which I think is legit.

Rating: B-. It’s a Hogan match. These things were cookie cutter as hell but that’s all they needed to be really. They worked and the crowds ate them up. What more could you ask for really?

Hercules asks the question we never got an answer to: when Hogan did something evil, why was it ok?

Hercules vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Bigelow babbles incoherently. Duggan was supposed to do this but he was hurt at the time. You actually get two matches here, both of which are as bland as you could ask for. They fight and brawl with a ton of power stuff before Hercules just runs away after a few minutes. Bigelow calls him back to the ring and gets a splash in about three more minutes to win it. That somehow too about seven minutes total with no commercials.

Rating: F. Was I transported into a house show recording or something? This was just odd as hell and there was nothing of note here. It’s the epitome of filler, but Ihave no idea what they were thinking on this one.

Heenan is hurt. Show is over.

Overall Rating: D+. This was a very odd show, as you have a very good match with Savage and Hart and a pretty solid one with Hogan and Bundy, yet the show just felt bad overall. I mean there was just nothing at all that made you want to watch this show even though there were two good matches out of four on it. I know that’s weird but at the end of it I just felt like it was nothing. Weird but that’s the best I’ve got for it.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 30
Date: February 8, 1992
Location: Lubbock Municipal Coliseum, Lubbock, Texas
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

We’re on FOX now so the show is about as dead as you could ask for. This is the followup to the 92 Rumble where Flair won the world title and Hogan actually teased a heel attitude at the end and got booed almost out of the building for it. This was a good time for the company as you had Flair, Hogan, Savage, Undertaker and Roberts crossing paths to an extent and the results rocked. Let’s get to it.

Intercontinental: Mountie vs. Roddy Piper

This is the rematch from the Rumble where Mountie was given the title for two days since Bret was hurt. Piper wouldn’t win another WWF title for about 15 years. He’s staggering around a bit so he might be a bit intoxicated. Piper is wrestling with a t-shirt on. Keep that in mind for a bit later. Apparently the winner gets Bret at Mania.

An interview with Bret says he hopes it’s Piper but is happy either way. Piper changes control when he gets his knees up to block a splash. The referee gets bumped and Mountie pours water on Piper and gives him the shock stick that he was using. Naturally it has no effect and Mountie gets it, complete with ridiculous sound effects. Piper pulls off his shirt to reveal a vest saying Shock Proof in a rather infamous moment for some reason.

Rating: C. It was about the ending and to give Mountie his rematch. It worked fine so I can’t complain. There’s not much here but since the ending was effective I’m all fine and good with it.

We get a replay of the ending of the end of the Rumble with Sid getting robbed by Hogan and Gorilla having no issue with it of course. Heenan’s near orgasm is great. We see the Mania 8 “Press Conference” with Hogan being named the #1 contender for ZERO reason. I mean seriously, he came in third and got dumped fairly. What sense does that make even in kayfabe? Sid turns heel more or less in an interview there.

Sid Justice/Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair/Undertaker

The “faces” say that they’re united. Can you see it coming? If not you’re an idiot. Hogan comes out with Brutus Beefcake instead of his partner which makes him look even more heelish. Sid and Flair start us off. We get Hogan vs. Flair and since this isn’t WCW, Flair has a chance. Hogan is of course dominating because he has to by some law.

There have been about 5 tags inside of two minutes. The idea here is Hogan is trying to do everything and Sid is getting annoyed with it. He’s jumped in twice now already. The big guys are in there now. We’ve had all four in there more often than we’ve had just two. Hogan does the four sides ear thing and Sid isn’t happy as we go to commercial. Back with Taker beating up Sid.

Sid manages to fight the heels off and get the….hot I guess tag to Hogan. Flair shows intelligence by going for the knee. You can’t question Flair’s psychology 90% of the time. Figure Four is on and it’s called a submission hold. The name is never used which is odd. Sid won’t make a tag. Taker gets a SWEET leaping clothesline to take down Hogan.

Sid gets booed and of course Vince sucks on Hogan a bit for old time’s sake. They edit out a whole line about the WWF Champion (this was aired on 24/7) and Sid drops to the floor instead of tagging and walks out. There goes the referee for the DQ and Brutus gets in. This was around the time when his face had been messed up. Hogan makes the save.

Rating: B-. It was a main event tag match and was all about the angle. That’s all well and good and it came off fine. The Hogan vs. Sid match would of course happen at Mania in what was potentially Hogan’s last match. That’s just amusing.

Sid says he rules the world, completely turning heel.

After a commercial Hogan questions Sid’s morals and says he’s not a good person. That’s just amusing.

Sgt. Slaughter/Jim Duggan vs. Beverly Brothers

Anyone think this might be a squash? They’re a new team here and it’s an attempt to make Sarge a face again that loved America. The announcers argue over the logic of giving Hogan Flair at Mania and Heenan keeps picking Vince’s arguments apart. This doesn’t even last three minutes and of course the proud Americans win.

Rating: N/A. This was quick and nothing of note. Yep that’s about it.

We recap Savage vs. Roberts from the past few months, which more importantly about Roberts being heel of the millennium by punching Liz. Roberts says he’ll do it again.

Jake Roberts vs. Randy Savage

Savage says a lot of things in a big rant that must have been fueled by cocaine if I know anything about wrestling. Naturally this is a big freaking brawl in every sense of the words. They fight all over the ringside area with both guys beating on each other for a few minutes each. Savage takes a DDT but Jake lets him get up. The second doesn’t connect though and Savage goes airborne.

And there’s the big elbow to end it in like 5 minutes. Ok then. Savage beats him up ever more until the suits come down to break it up. Liz runs out for the big celebration. We see Jake waiting behind the curtain as the show ends. Later we would find out that he was going to hit Liz with a chair but Taker turned face and grabbed it away instead.

Rating: C+. This was too fast to really get much out of. It’s ok but nothing special at all. These two never got the big match that they needed and I think it hurt the feud in the end. Not terrible at all but far from great.

Overall Rating: C-. Total storybuilding show here as nothing is really settled in the ring, although that’s true for just about every SNME. There are some well known moments here so it’s worth a look I guess and at 45 minutes factoring out commercials it’s not like it’s going to take forever to watch. Check it out, why not.

 

[Super Hans]

excellent read again kb i only really come on here to read your reviews!

1992 was a funny year for wwf flair would be gone by the end of the year if i can remember,i thought with the momentum of coming off the best rumble ever that this year was gonna be awesome but,i tend to remember this year for 1 thing and that is summerslam which i was at,ill never forget the road warriors coming in on the harleys

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 25
Date: January 27, 1990
Location: McKenzie Arena, Chattanooga, Tennessee
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura

We’re fresh into the 90s here and we’re setting up for Mania. The Rumble happened six days before this but it was taped on January 3rd so the commentary should be interesting to say the least. This should be fun as it was a good era for the company I’ve always thought. The main thing here is Hogan and Warrior teaming up to face Genius and Perfect, in what would turn out to be a fairly famous ending. Let’s get to it.

The picture of Hogan in the main event graphic makes him looked more stoned than X on a Saturday night. The video of course is all about Hogan. Vince and Jesse run down the card.

Jim Duggan says he wants his crown back from Savage and he has the chance tonight. It’s hard to describe but this was OUT THERE. You’d have to see it I think.

Gene brings up a lot of royal references to Savage and he doesn’t get them. The guillotine is how the peasants get their hair cut apparently. Sherri should always wear leather.

King’s Crown: Jim Duggan vs. Randy Savage

That throne entrance was completely awesome. Duggan tips it over with Savage standing on it and we’re at it. Duggan’s popularity is something that I flat out never got. Why in the world was he so over? Vince enjoys violence FAR too much. Savage uses basic human intelligence and is in control now. Did anyone take a flip over the top rope better than Savage? I certainly can’t think of anyone that did.

They hit the floor and…IT’S THE MOUNTAIN DEW SLAM OF THE NIGHT!!!! Yes Roddy Piper is indeed great. Now back to the match. Weird as hell but that’s what happened and it makes no sense twenty years later. Duggan is back in control now and the crowd is hot if nothing else.

He chases Sherri and after a nice panty shot Savage gets a shot in and that double axe handle is either weak or sweet as hell. The loaded purse to the face, which is how Savage won the crown in September, gets two. The Three Point Clothesline hits but Savage goes to the floor. We get the foot it hooked and the manager holds it down for the CHEAP pin.

Rating: C+. Not bad here but nothing great at all. Savage was always excellent and while Duggan was pretty freaking brutal in the ring, he was over as hell so that’s all you can really ask for. It ended the mini feud so that’s all well and good.

Jesse is with Genius and Perfect and they say that Warrior and Hogan aren’t perfect at all. Perfect was about as hot as any heel on the planet here but Hogan decided that he should be the winner of the Rumble so the heat on Perfect went nowhere. Genius has a poem about them iwnning.

Genius/Mr. Perfect vs. Hulk Hogan/Ultimate Warrior

We get a shot of Warrior and Hogan colliding at the Rumble which indeed was an epic moment. Tony Schiavone talking about WWF wrestling is still odd as all hell. Heenan was at ringside here for no apparent reason. Never noticed that before. Warrior and Hogan say exactly what you would expect them to say before the match.

Perfect and Hogan start us out and Jesse breaks this down and compares it to the Super Bowl which makes a bit of sense. It’s all faces as you would expect at this point. Perfect always was a great bumper. Hogan starts beating the hell out of Perfect and Genius is writing a poem. Ok then.

Perfect gets the scroll and you know what’s coming. Hogan takes it in the head to take control for the heels. More or less this is Hogan getting beaten up by Perfect while Genius won’t stay in for more than 30 seconds.

He’s a gay character that they never said was gay. Perfect gets the Perfectplex and lets him up at two so Genius can get the pin. You know what’s coming next. Warrior cleans house and gets the press slam on Genius as Hogan tags himself in.

He messes up the leg drop as he uses the far leg over the throat, so it looked like Kofi’s Boom Drop. It gets the pin anyway though. Warrior beats up both heels but hits Hogan by mistake. The major showdown happens and we have Mania 6.

Rating: C-. Not great at all but it could have been far worse. This was all to set up the main event of Mania and that worked fine. Hogan and Perfect feuded a ton on the house show circuit but they never had the big match that they should have.

We see Jake stealing the Million Dollar Belt a week ago. Jake says it might be in the bag and if you want to find out, just reach in. Valentine and Hart say almost nothing at all.

Greg Valentine vs. Jake Roberts

Holy indy show super main event Batman! After Jake’s intro we get a replay of Warrior nailing Hogan and now it’s time for the match. We got that instead of Hammer’s entrance. Ok then. Jake gets an armdrag which is odd to see from him.

Hammer takes over and this is going to be rather short methinks. Valentine was more or less a jobber at this point so there you are. Jake counters the figure four and hits the DDT but DiBiase runs in for the DQ. Jake gets up and keeps Virgil from getting the belt back.

Rating: D. This was short and again to just set up an angle. Valentine would team up with Honky soon enough and no one would care. This was about Jake and DiBiase which was a solid feud.

Rude says he can get Sapphire if he wants her. Dusty says his usual stuff. The man had charisma if nothing else.

Rick Rude vs. Dusty Rhodes

Polka dots are in today apparently. How is it possible that a guy that looks like Dusty has 3 or 4 times the resume that Rude has. Oh yeah: one was booker. Dusty does a backdrop and literally Rude just jumps over him. Dusty never rises up to toss him or anything like that. Heenan and Sapphire argue on the floor a lot and no one cares.

They get thrown out and Sapphire comes back and sits in the front row with a ticket. So wait. In the span of a commercial, she was thrown out of the arena, went to the box office, bought a ticket and got to the front row. Also we’ll ignore the fact that there is a ticket available in the front row over an hour into the show and also that with less than half an hour in the show remaining that tickets are still being sold.

Rude was just starting to become a big heel at this point so in all sense he should win, but it’s Dusty so he likely won’t. Rude goes after Sapphire and apparently we have a double count out. And the fans jumps the rail and dances with Dusty in the ring.

Rating: D-. This was just boring as all hell. Dusty was awful in the ring at this point and having him stay in there with Rude was a joke. This was boring as all hell and I have no idea what the point of it was.

Quake, Bravo and Hart are ready for Garvin tonight.

Dino Bravo vs. Ronnie Garvin

This is your main event somehow. Have I ever mentioned that I really can’t stand Ronnie Garvin? Oh look it’s the Garvin Stomp. I’ll just kick the guy like 8 times really slowly and call it a finisher. Bravo wins after some interference. The heels beat him up afterwards, making me love them all.

Rating: F-. Any match with Ronnie Garvin in it is a failure.

We talk about Hogan vs. Savage in a month where Mike Tyson was going to be the referee. He would lose to Buster Douglas before that though so Douglas would referee instead which made the rating go way down as expected.

Savage says he’ll beat Hogan.

Hogan says he’s ready for Savage and will win. Seriously that’s all these promos ever say but they take a minute and a half.

Vince and Jesse talk about Tyson and we wrap it up.

Overall Rating: D+. Like most SNMEs, this is a one match card. It’s not terrible I guess but when only two matches mean anything it’s a bit hard to get into it. There are worse ones but with the show in a month and the Rumble just before this, you could have gotten away without having this one. Check out the tag match and that’s all.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 14
Date: January 2, 1988
Location: Capital Center, Landover, Maryland
Commentators: Jesse Ventura, Vince McMahon

There isn’t much here as really all we’re doing is setting up for the Main Event in February and then Mania 4 because of it. The main event that doesn’t go on last here is Hogan vs. Bundy III which is a rematch from the previous month’s show. Other than that there isn’t much to talk about here. Like I said this is really a transitional show and little more. That being said, let’s get to it.

Jake says he’s ready for 1988 and Sika who he has tonight.

Valentine is going to beat Koko.

Strike Force is ready for the Bolsheviks.

Repeat the previous line and switch the teams.

Andre is the official manager for Bundy tonight.

Hogan says his usual stuff.

Cue that theme song!

Vince: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Jesse: Don’t you speak for me. McMahon.

Vince: Sorry Jesse.

Jesse: Happy new year!

Hogan is doing what passes for Hindu Squats and gets his second promo in less than five minutes.

Gene is with the Bolsheviks and Slick who say stuff about Communism. Ok then. Slick sounds like he’s having an orgasm every time he talks.

Tag Titles: Bolsheviks vs. Strike Force

This is 2/3 falls to continue the SNME tradition. Apparently Okerlund looks like Khrushchev with a mustache. We see Strike Force beating the Harts to win the tag titles and they say stuff that might have been in English but I’m not entirely sure. Slick calls them Pint Sized Rambos. That’s a cool name. Boris and Tito start us off. Such a disparity in talent between the two teams.

This is your standard 80s style tag match which means it’s fun but not really that good. That works though. The crowd is way hot so that’s a big perk. Martel hooks the Boston Crab for the tap out to make it 1-0 for the champions. They celebrate into the first commercial.

That’s one thing I love about SNME: they let the match stop until we get back so we miss nothing at all. The heels cheat to take over as you would likely expect. Something tells me the champions are retaining here. Can’t place it but they have something extra. I think it’s called talent. Slick throws in the cane which is picked off and the shot allows the champions to retain in two straight falls.

Rating: B-. This was really quick and not great. However I’m a big mark for Strike Force so this was fun. The Bolsheviks never won a damn thing so this was no shock at all. Boring match but nothing wrong with giving the champions another win they should get.

Sika and Fuji have a big sandwich, like 5 feet long and Fuji has a big jar of mustard. They say Damien will wind up on it and be Sika’s dinner. Ok then.

Jake says he’s the man and cuts a great promo of course.

Jake Roberts vs. Sika

Sika is a former Wild Samoan who apparently likes sandwiches. Ok then. Something tells me this is going to be short. Jake was one of the hottest things in wrestling at this time so this should be nothing short of a squash. Sika looks a good bit like Umaga. It’s actually Sika in control here.

That’s the beauty of the DDT. It can change things so fast and get Jake the win. That’s very rare indeed. I hate the nerve hold. I truly do. After Fuji interferes, Jake wins with a rollup actually instead of the DDT. Most interesting. Fuji takes the DDT to get the crowd very happy. Vince calls Fuji a fat walrus. That’s hilarious.

Rating: D. Not much here as it was too short to be anything of note but too long to be unrateable. Jake was clearly going to go over here and I like him not winning with the DDT as it makes you think he’s even more dangerous.

Heenan says Bundy will win tonight. Heenan has a neck injury and can’t be at ringside or something like that.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy

Notice what WWF does for the heel monsters: they look up at them with the cameras. It makes them look far bigger and more intimidating. It’s little things like that which makes the difference. Hogan gets his third promo in half an hour and talks about his main man Ronald Reagan. I love that theme song. I will never understand why they used Voodoo Child at Mania 19. Who picked yellow and red? I’ve never gotten that.

They’re iconic to say the least but who thought they would look cool? Hogan channels his inner fat man and uses elbows to the top of the head. Jesse uses that Quarterback analogy which is absolutely true when you think about it. Something tells me this is going to be Hogan 101. Bundy uses an armbar…the fuck??? Hogan has the most hair here. This is just weird looking.

It’s weird to say this but the psychology here is dumb. Monsters aren’t supposed to use psychology. They’re supposed to use their fatness. Hogan slamming fat guys never gets old. He’s in control now but gets caught with a splash and the referee gets crushed. He was legit hurt actually and Hebner had to come out to take over.

The heels stall for a bit to give him time to get out of the ring and for Hogan/Hebner to get their heads together. This is already better than the first two matches these two had. Bundy hits a chinlock and Andre shouts to ring the bell. Who does he think he is, Vince? Bundy wastes a ton of time and you know what’s coming after the splash.

Rating: C+. Eh not bad here but not great. Hogan and Bundy are a combination that makes sense and is perfect for someone like Hogan as he can get beaten down and then make the comeback. He’s the perfect Hogan opponent so this was fine.

Now post match we get the important stuff as Hogan challenges Andre. The Giant jumps him though and chokes him out. The British Bulldogs, Strike Force, JYD and Jake Roberts all come out and Andre just beats the fuck out of them all.

Duggan comes out and beats on him with the 2x4 which doesn’t do anything but tick off Andre, allowing the other faces to pull Hogan out. Hogan would demand a rematch in Indianapolis on live TV. The rating was a 15.4. Let that sink in for a minute. For comparison, two night ago the OLYMPICS got a 17. In other words, Hogan vs. Andre II was in striking distance of the OLYMPICS. That’s nothing but scary.

Hammer says he’s ready for Koko and makes fun of Gene.

Koko says he’s ready for Valentine.

Koko B. Ware vs. Greg Valentine

Oh please make it short. At least we get to hear Piledriver which is a cool song. Seriously, what were they thinking when they put him in the Hall of Fame? I really want to know that. This is almost all Valentine at this point. Brutus Beefcake comes out. Brutus was Valentine’s former partner and other than that was completely unassociated with Valentine.

He had a mini feud with Hart’s people though so I guess there’s your explanation. He gets thrown out making his appearance completely pointless. Koko gets some jobber level offense in and it means very little indeed. And Valentine gets the figure four for the easy tap out. Hammer beats on him even more until Beefcake makes the save, and again the first run in was pointless.

Rating: D. Again just weak. This was a long squash which is bearable I guess but still just not that interesting at all. Koko was nothing more than a joke and everybody knew it. Boring match and it didn’t do anything at all for me. This was just a way to end the show with something other than the main event which I never got the idea behind.

Andre says he’ll crush Hogan.

Ventura says Andre will crush Hogan. End of show.

Overall Rating: D. Boring as hell show for the most part other than the insanely big angle in the middle of it. It’s amazing that Hogan’s title reign would end in just over a month and I would be born in less than a month from this show. Anyway, the rest of the show is total throwaway stuff but definitely check out Hogan vs. Bundy and the aftermath for historical purposes.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 29
Date: April 27, 1991
Location: Omaha Civic Auditorium, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage

Well it’s a month after Mania VII at this point. Hogan, the world champion, is in a battle royal that means nothing but whatever. There’s a big battle royal that is on a ton of youtube channels for some reason. Other than that there isn’t much to talk about here at all. There is however a Ted DiBiase vs. Bret Hart match. The Hart Foundation is more or less gone so this is the final attempt at starting Bret’s face push. Let’s get to it.

We throw it to the recently retired Savage who is talking to Slaughter who is still a crazed heel. Savage is still getting used to being a face here I think. We get a clip of post Mania where Slaughter threw a fireball at Hogan. Slaughter has the Warrior tonight and he’s getting ready to feud with Taker and ultimately Jake. We get a clip of Warrior being put in a coffin and getting out. Warrior says something. I think it’s English.

Sgt. Slaughter vs. Ultimate Warrior

This is a rematch from the Rumble where Warrior lost the title to Slaughter. The commentary sounds really awkward for some reason. Slaughter’s push is over so this is pretty clear as far as the ending goes. After some heel shenanigans we have Slaughter in control. This is really basic stuff here and it’s not that interesting. It’s ok but it’s just ok at its very best. We’re on our second bearhug in 5 minutes if that tells you anything.

And here’s Paul Bearer with the casket. Crowd is virtually dead here in case you were wondering. Back from commercial Warrior WARRIORS UP and it’s obvious at this point. As he’s initiating his ending sequence, the casket opens and guess who’s in there. It amazes me that Taker is still in the spotlight today. Taker comes in for the easy DQ and the 4-1 beatdown is on.

Yep there he is wearing the belt. No ego issues there. Wearing a title for a show he’s not wrestling on. Hogan blasts Taker with the belt and it does nothing. Holy foreshadowing Batman! Warrior can’t hurt Taker and the legend is rapidly growing.

Rating: D+. Not very good here but to be fair this is about setting up the angle later on rather than the match itself. Slaughter meant nothing at all and that was clear. Taker was going to be a big deal. I don’t think anyone knew how big though. Boring as hell match.

Nasty Boys say they’ll beat the crazy out of the Bushwackers.

Bushwackers are insane.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Bushwackers

Oh dear. Please make it quick. This is exactly what you would expect it to be: the Wackers start off in control and then the heel champions talk to hart to calm them down. Knobbs breaks up a pin and the challengers are surprisingly dominating. Ah that’s more like it.

For some reason the commentators discuss psychologists. Ok then. The crowd is more into this than they were with the first match. What exactly does that say? They botch a spot and the referee has to slow WAY down on a count so Sags can make the save. Jimmy helps out and they get a quick pin. Horrendous match.

Rating: F+. Just awful stuff here. Did they really think that THIS was a good pairing? There isn’t a coherent wrestler in the whole match and it showed really badly. This was beyond sloppy and there was no point to it other than to have the Nastys get an easy title defense, which works I guess.

Bearer says that Warrior is going to die soon. And something about saving boxtops?

Battle Royal

Tugboat, Warlord, Greg Valentine, Jake Roberts, Shawn Michaels, Marty Jannetty, Jimmy Snuka, Texas Tornado, Hercules, Paul Roma, Mr. Perfect, Barbarian, British Bulldog, Big Bossman, Kato, Tanaka, Haku, Hulk Hogan, Jim Duggan and Earthquake.

That’s 20 in case you’re curious. Earthquake says he’s going to crush the real snake instead of the pet this time. Savage is with Roberts who is upset over losing his snake. Only a few guys get their entrances shown. Hogan says he wants Slaughter more than anything and doesn’t care if he loses. You can always tell when he’s going to lose as he’ll point out that losing means nothing.

Massive clusterfuck to start as you would expect it to be. Roma and Jannetty are out. These matches are really hard to commentate on as it’s just a bunch of random stuff going on that you can’t keep up with. Hogan and Valentine beat up Perfect. Bulldog is gone. Don’t expect me to get every elimination here. Tanaka and Snuka are gone. Quake puts Roberts out. Jake does the Andre thing and gets the snake out but it doesn’t get rid of Earthquake.

Tugboat goes after Hogan which is a big deal here as Tugboat was his friend of the month. There goes Warlord thanks to Hogan. Von Erich is out as is Duggan. Now they’re just flying out as Hogan throws Quake out. Tugboat puts out Kato and Hogan and Hercules and someone else goes out too. That leaves us with Haku, Barbarian, Boss Man, Perfect, Valentine and Shawn. There goes Boss Man. Shawn puts out Haku to get us down to four.

Three of them are wearing yellow. Most interesting indeed. Shawn does the Flair Flip but it backfires and he’s out too. The final two are Valentine and Perfect. Perfect’s bumping is underrated. Valentine dominates but fucks up at the end and Perfect wins it.

Rating: D-. This was boring as any and all hell. I didn’t care at all and it was like everyone was there to have an appearance fee or something rather than a coherent match. Just not any good whatsoever.

DiBiase says he’s better than Bret Hart.

Bret Hart vs. Ted DiBiase

This is just after Virgil beat DiBiase at Mania and Roddy is on commentary here now too. Vince sounds most odd here for some reason. Crowd is WAY into Bret here. To the shock of no one, this is great stuff. Sherri is with DiBiase here and is downright frightening looking at this point. Bret is known as the good wrestler in a tag team at this point and not a good wrestler on his own really.

DiBiase is beyond his prime at this point but he’s still a big deal. The Dream is broken and the fans are WAY into Bret. I don’t think Bret had a finisher at this point. Actually I’m fairly sure he didn’t so he would be relying on a rollup or something. With Bret in control, Sherri hooks the foot and we go outside.

Piper comes to the ring and goes after Sherri. He reaches under the ring and gets a broom. Get the joke? There’s no way of telling what’s going on in the ring at this point. DiBiase goes after Sherri and Bret goes after him and it’s a double countout.

Rating: B-. Give this a finish and it’s a B+ or so. You had two guys that could work as well as anyone in the company or even ever and they lived up to their potential. The ending hurt it a lot as did Bret’s lack of finisher. The crowd was WAY into it though and Vince reacted to it, giving Bret the IC Title that summer as he beat Perfect in the classic at Summerslam.

Mountie vs. Tito Santana

This is just after the beginning of Moutie’s BIZARRE push which resulted in him winning the IC Title for two days in January. This is a rematch from Mania 7 where Mountie won easily. For the life of me I don’t get what the idea was of pushing Mountie. I mean really, what the hell were they thinking? After a lot of nothing of note, Santana gets the forearm but Jimmy gets the referee’s attention. Shock stick with sound effects puts Tito down long enough for the easy pin.

Rating: F. Just boring as all hell. For the life of me I don’t get the point of Mountie being pushed. He was a comedy character and not an interesting one at that. This was awful and somehow was the main event of the show. Wow.

Slaughter yells at Hogan a lot.

Hogan yells at Slaughter a lot. Hogan being interviewed by Piper just isn’t right at all.

Vince and Savage wrap us up.

Overall Rating: F+. This was just stupid. The main match was a worthless battle royal that accomplished nothing, the tag title match was awful, no one cared about Slaughter anymore and the whole thing just bored me to tears. They were near the end of their run here and based on this show, that’s a very good thing. Just freaking terrible all around. Oh wait. There's Hart vs. DiBiase. It's 10 minutes long so we'll give the show a tiny something for that. It's an F+.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 19
Date: January 7, 1989
Location: USF Sun Dome, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura

This would be just before the 89 Rumble where nothing of note happened. Savage is world champion but is losing his mind very slowly as he descends into being a crazy man. There’s not a ton to say here and the card looks pretty bland. Let’s get to it though as anything in the 80s should be at least passable.

Warrior will defend his title.

Honky will get his title back.

Beefcake will cut Bass’ hair.

Akeem will beat Hogan.

Hogan says he’ll win as we hit the theme song.

Vince’s voice is especially deep here. He and Jesse run down the card and Jesse calls Gene a bald midget.

Ron Bass is with Gene and says he’ll cut Brutus’ hair.

Brutus says this is about hair, not honor, but Gene wouldn’t get that. I chuckled.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Ron Bass

This was a fairly brutal (for its time) feud as Brutus had cut up Bass’ whip so Bass had used his boot spur on Brutus’ head, cutting him badly. They put a big red X on the screen with the word censored over it, even though Brutus moved around and you could see the cut anyway. That cost Brutus the IC Title shot he had at Summerslam. This is hair vs. hair.

I don’t think they’ve both been in the ring for more than 30 seconds yet. It’s pretty much all Brutus at this point and you know what happened because I said that. Bass gets a nice piledriver. There’s very little to this match at this point. Bass takes forever to go for the pin and after arguing with the referee he walks into a sleeper and of course he’s out in about 4 seconds.

After the commercial he cuts the back of his hair as Bass is apparently out cold for about 5 minutes from a 4 second sleeper. DAMN he actually did cut it. Always nice to see them actually do what they’re supposed to do. Perfect timing that he wakes up just when the haircut is over isn’t it?

Rating: D+. This was pretty weak but not awful I guess. This was your run of the mill thing but Bass was your standard heel and Beefcake was WAY over so it works out fine I guess. This was ok for an opener and it does give a blowoff to the feud so it served its purpose in that sense.

Slick says Akeem will take care of Hogan tonight.

Hogan, with Liz, says exactly what you would expect him to say. Savage comes up to second him to help out with Boss Man.

Hulk Hogan vs. Akeem

It’s 1989. How much explanation do you need here? Hogan gets a fucking ERUPTION. Savage stays in the back with Gene to keep an eye on things for no apparent reason. He doesn’t like Hogan looking at Liz. The Mountain Dew Slam of the Night is about Demolition. At least they didn’t do it in the middle of a match this time.

Like an idiot Hogan hits the floor and goes after Boss Man for no apparent reason. Akeem takes over off a missed slam and I think he does nothing but forearms and splashes. Hogan of course takes over again and does his dance. Oh dear.

There goes the referee and Boss Man comes in. We cut to the back and Savage says Hogan will be ok. Liz bounces to the back to find Savage who says Hogan will be fine. This is brilliant stuff. Hogan makes his comeback and hits the slam but Boss Man gets a nightstick shot for the DQ. Savage runs in with a chair as the heels go after Liz.

Rating: C-. This was ALL about the angle and Akeem was just there as a placeholder. The angle was brilliant though and Hogan vs. any giant is always worth a glance if nothing else. This would be the main event of the second Main Event where Savage would just erupt and turn heel.

Honky and Hart say they’ll get the IC Title back. Apparently he would be the first person to regain it. Not really even close but whatever.

Warrior says what is normal to him.

Intercontinental Title: Ultimate Warrior vs. Honky Tonk Man

So Warrior beat Honky in about 30 seconds in a famous match at Summerslam and this is the token rematch as NO ONE thinks Honky has a chance in hell. I can barely hear his music. That’s odd. Vince and Jesse agree that if Honky gets it back he’s the first ever two time champion. Do Don Muraco, Pedro Morales or Tito Santana mean nothing to these people? Dude that’s just pathetic.

Honky tries to run and in a SICK display of strength, Warrior gets him in a press and carries him about ten feet back to the ring. The guy was strong if nothing else. They’re going to have Heenan on a mic later when he’s at ringside. That could be FUN. Hart slips in the Megaphone which gets us to even at least. How exactly do you slam someone WITH AUTHORITY! Warrior no sells everything and a shoulder block ends this massacre.

Rating: D-. This was just bad. Honky was just worthless by this point and it was really clear too. Warrior was starting his mega push that would culminate at Mania 6. Anyway, this was a squash and a bad one as neither was really any good in the ring at all.

Slick wonders if the Mega Powers are still together.

Jesse is with Red Rooster. This was when he was somehow more worthless than he is today. Heenan was managing him and he was really inept so Heenan was taking all the credit.

Tito Santana vs. Terry Taylor

Remember that Heenan is on a mic so we can hear everything that he’s saying. Taylor is undefeated somehow. George Steinbrenner is here. They speed it up so if nothing else it’s interesting looking. Heenan argues with Steinbrenner which is interesting as hell obviously. We shift over to a more common style of match. This is interesting as it’s mainly just Bobby talking and you rarely hear from him in the manager role.

After some stupid stuff from Taylor Heenan goes off on him and they shove each other. This is Santana doing most of the work. Keep in mind that I can’t stand Taylor at all. This is boring as hell. Santana gets a rollup for the pin. A boring argument starts, leading to Taylor vs. Brooklyn Brawler of all things. Heenan gets beaten up afterwards.

Rating: D. This was about as boring as you can ask for. It was all storyline but they left out the interesting part of the storyline. This was just boring as hell and I couldn’t care less.

Gene is with some young guy named Curt Hennig who has a new move called the Hennig Plex.

Curt Hennig vs. Koko B. Ware

Hennig isn’t perfect or anything yet so don’t expect a ton. Koko gets his normal stuff in here as I can’t imagine this going much of anywhere since there are about five minutes left and we’ve been promised time with Hogan. And yep after Koko makes a mistake the Perfectplex debuts to end it.

Rating: N/A. Too short to mean anything and it was just to showcase Hennig. Nothing special here at all.

Hogan talks a lot and says everything is cool. Savage says something unintelligible. Jesse doesn’t believe them and we’re out.

Overall Rating: C-. Considering this was all about setting up Main Event II and ultimately Mania 5, this was definitely a success. The wrestling isn’t terrible other than the IC match but what did you expect from those two? This is nothing classic but it’s certainly good as it served its purpose. Nothing worth going out of your way to see or anything but a fun show.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 16
Date: April 30, 1988
Location: Springfield Civic Center, Springfield Massachusetts
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura

So this is the first post Mania 4 show meaning Savage is the brand new world champion. His first defense is against One Man Gang. Go figure I guess. Other than that this card is pretty weak but it’s 1988 WWF. How could you fuck this one up? Let’s get to it as I start counting the ways.

Duggan says he’ll win. The opening interview music would become Jake Roberts’.

Heenan and Hercules say it won’t be one on one.

One Man Gang will win the title tonight.

I love that FREAK OUT FREAK OUT thing Savage did. He says he won’t lose.

Let’s hit that intro. No Hogan advertised. Thankfully the image is right as it’s Savage and Liz. Vince and Jesse run the card down and here we go.

We see Duggan blasting Andre over the head with the 2x4 which of course knocked him out cold. Heenan and company say they’ll win. Andre does Duggan’s HOOOOOOOOOOO. That was AWESOME.

Hercules vs. Jim Duggan

Andre cheated Duggan at Mania so Duggan went after him on TV…giving us this somehow. Duggan says he wants Andre and will go through Hercules to get to Andre. Simple and yet he makes it cool sounding. The guy was over as hell for some reason so there we go. Duggan gets a POP. Apparently Jesse knows what a wounded water buffalo in heat sounds like.

Jesse talks about Vince having an illegitimate son. WOW. Duggan audibly calls Hercules a son of a bitch. Ok then. All Duggan to start us off here but standard cheating ends that theory pretty quickly. This is a total contrast of styles to say the least so it’s mainly punching and kicking stuff.

Duggan grabs the board and everyone bails as we head to commercial. They’re just kind of meandering along here with little to no flow to this whole thing. Naturally we hit the bearhug since this is 1988 after all. Duggan’s face while being choked is great. Three point clothesline hits and here’s Heenan for the DQ. Ultimate Warrior, who Hercules had a mini feud with, comes in for the save and start his feud with Andre.

Rating: D-. Even though this was all story advancement, it still was pretty weak. Nothing good at all here and even though I’ve always liked Hercules, I hated this match quite a bit. Just a total clash of styles.

Jimmy Hart says he’ll repay the haircut Brutus gave him at Mania.

Brutus says he’ll cut all of Davis’ hair, and he has Hart’s hair with him. Sure why not?

Danny Davis vs. Brutus Beefcake

Based on the two interviews I think you get the story here. Davis is the former referee that always cheated and is now a bad heel. Jesse sounds stunned when Davis goes on offense. That’s hilarious for some reason. They botch something and down goes Davis. DAMN Beefcake is over here. The sleeper goes on and this is academic. Post match Davis gets his hair cut…kind of. Oh and he gets a skunk stripe put on his back and hair.

Rating: N/A. Just a pointless match to get Brutus over a bit more. That works as it was just a comedy thing for the most part but it was really short. Post match stuff went on a good bit long though.

Slick says he’ll get the belt for the Gang tonight in the tournament rematch. Somehow that takes a minute and a half.

WWF Title: One Man Gang vs. Randy Savage

Any bets here? I love Slick. Vince says Savage will be sky high for the match. That’s just funny. The interview would suggest Vince is right. Interesting little note that is a sign of the times: all six guys have gotten entrances tonight, but these are the first with music. Savage chases Slick to the back and we’re ready to go. This is exactly what you would expect given who is in there.

Gang is rather sloppy and that’s as nice as I can make it. In a painful looking move, Savage grabs Gang by the beard and jumps over the ropes to clothesline Gang. Freaking OW man. Slick is back now and he gets Gang the advantage which he already had. This is pure formula stuff but a white hot crowd is helping things a lot.

Savage hits the always sweet top rope double axehandle. I love that move and he did it better than anyone else. A second rope splash more or less seals this as Gang misses it. WOW that was worded badly. A cane shot from Slick misses and hits Gang and there’s your elbow. Guess what happens next.

Rating: C-. Simple yet it did its job to perfection. This was to get Savage an easy title defense on TV and it did just that. Short at around 6 minutes so this was perfect. Savage was over as hell if nothing else so the crowd was very into this.

The British Bulldogs say they’ll protect Matilda drom Demolition. They were on their very last legs as a team here due to Dynamite just falling apart.

Fuji and Demolition say nothing of note.

British Bulldogs vs. Demolition

This is non title for absolutely no apparent reason. Demolition had won the titles at Mania to start their year plus long title reign which is never going to be broken. Damn their music is awesome. Smash and Davey Boy start us off and Smith has nothing at all. I love the idea of Demolition: no finesse or anything close to it.

Instead just hit the other guys really, REALLY hard and do it a lot. Simply yet effective. The Bulldogs have a ton of support here but this is a glorified squash. Smith gets the hot tag and uses some very jobber level offense. That’s just weird to say. The Bulldogs chase Fuji to the back and once they’re back they have pieces of his cane which cause the DQ. Odd ending to say the least.

Rating: N/A. Nowhere near enough action to really give a grade here. The ending was just WEIRD and I have no idea why this was nontitle. For the life of me I do not get that. These two teams could not take more different paths after this either.

Billy Graham says Muraco is awesome and they’ll beat up DiBiase. No not really but it sounded good.

Don Muraco vs. Ted DiBiase

I love the running joke Jesse uses of Graham stealing all of Ventura’s gimmicks. That always made me laugh. DiBiase cuts his usual great promo. Him calling Okerlund little man was just greatness. DiBiase comes out while Muraco’s music is still playing which is odd as hell. They need to bring back the individualized logos for wrestlers too. I love those things.

Muraco starts off fast and DiBiase looks great at bumping as always. This is very similar to their Mania match which was ok I guess. DiBiase is more or less dominating here which is fine. Muraco hits a bad looking Russian legsweep which didn’t get a name. DiBiase gets a pin off a slam as Muraco had an unseen foot on the ropes. There’s another weird ending as that’s going around tonight.

Rating: D+. Nothing special at all here but it filled in some time. I’ve seen far worse though so this is fine I guess. The ending was just kind of stupid. Scratch the just kind of part actually.

Savage rambles a lot.

Rick Rude vs. Koko B. Ware

And here’s your filler to close the show as almost no one was watching at this point. Rude needs to shut up so we can get this over with. Rude gets more of an entrance than Rude. That’s just stupid. Hall of Famer my ass. Seriously, what are you expecting here? Go with what you would expect here and that’s exactly what you get. Rude Awakening after a missed dive at the ropes ends this.

Rating: N/A. Seriously, this is the most cookie cutter match I have ever seen. Fine way to close I guess.

Overall Rating: D. Just pure Mania follow up here with nothing new coming out of it and mainly rematches from the PPV. That’s fine I guess but it was nothing special really. It’s watchable but don’t expect anything at all to be special here. Nothing worth seeing but it’s not a bad show or anything like that.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 15
Date: March 12, 1988
Location: Nashville Municipal Auditorium, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura

We’re two weeks away from Mania so what do you think this show is going to be about? Go on and take a guess. That’s right: it’s going to be about kangaroos. What else would this be about? Anyway, we’ve got nothing of note other than what would be the main event in the middle of the show with Savage vs. DiBiase. Other than that, there’s not much other than a Hogan vs. Race match that has a rather important moment which we’ll get to when it gets here. Let’s do it.

Savage is going to bounce DiBiase like a bad check. Nice line.

DiBiase says he’s better than Savage.

Brutus says his match will be a hair raising delight.

One Man Gang says he’s not afraid of Ken Patera. Well Slick says it but you get the idea.

Race says Hogan will bow.

Hogan says Race will be crowned.

Theme song hits. Get your reinforcements.

We see a clip from Andre vs. Hogan II where Andre allegedly beat Hogan for the belt in the most famous ending to a match ever up to that time. Actually scratch that as their first match was more famous by far. If you don’t know that story, look it up as I know I’ve written about it before.

Jimmy Hart and Valentine say they’ll take down Beefcake, Valentine’s former partner.

Beefcake keeps up his string of horrendous puns.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Greg Valentine

These two used to be tag champions if you didn’t know that already. Valentine of course starts running from Beefcake. Can you blame him? Ventura and McMahon argue a lot. What else is new? The overselling of atomic drops never gets old at all. It’s just hilarious period. Figure four doesn’t work due to the ropes. This is incredibly not interesting although it’s not bad.

And here’s Honky Tonk Man. He was fighting Brutus at Mania. I almost forgot about that. He winds up hurting things as Beefcake would have been counted out if he hadn’t talked forever. We get another figure four after the break. Oh never mind it’s an elbow to the leg. At least he’s working on it.

This just isn’t interesting. Beefcake wasn’t much in this time period so that likely has something to do with it. Sleeper is put on but Valentine gets him to the floor. And we get the oldest ending in the world as it’s a German/belly to back suplex with Brutus getting his arm up while Valentine doesn’t. That’s just old at this point. Glad it’s over if nothing else. Beefcake cuts some of his hair too.

Rating: D. Just hated this for some reason. It’s a boring match with no purpose about a team that split up a year ago. I know things were slower back in the day but this is ridiculous. Just never could get into this at all and I didn’t like it period. That’s rare for me but I was bored silly here.

Heenan says Race will finish what Andre started and end Mania.

Hogan says he will never bow. I wonder if he’ll break.

Hulk Hogan vs. Harley Race

HOLY CRAP THEY KEPT IT RIGHT! What I mean by that is Hogan’s shirt is torn both in the interview and in the intro. See, back in the day these interviews might be taped 4 months in advance in multi-hour long sessions. This would result in problems such as titles being different and clothing changing. In his interview, Hogan ripped up his shirt and he came out with a ripped shirt again. Most impressive indeed.

Hogan beats the hell out of Race before the bell rings. Fucking twat waffle. They start brawling and Race takes over like he should be doing the entire time. It’s sad to see Race having to do this as he was a better worker than Hogan could ever dream of being. This is far closer to a brawl than an actual match which I think was the best choice in this case. Race hits the belly to belly and doesn’t even cover here. Good.

That is a terrible finisher no matter who uses it. This is your run of the mill Hogan match so there you are. What else do you expect here? Hogan is laid on a table and Race dives at him, missing though. The important thing here though is that the table spiked up and went into Race, injuring him and more or less ending his in ring career.

The headbutt from the top hits but it’s Hogan in the 80s. What do you think he’s going to do? The usual ends it with what looked a lot like an edit. Heenan comes in and gets beaten up. Oh wait no he doesn’t as he DIVES over the top rope. That looked awesome.

Rating: B-. Pretty solid brawl here but nothing amazing. Race vs. Hogan is something close to a dream match but not from this era. Still though it’s cool to hear names like that announced as opponents given what they mean to the business as a whole. That being said, this was a decent match for Hogan’s standards.

DiBiase says he’s better than Savage and that he destroyed Hulkamania.

Savage isn’t afraid of DiBiase or whatever surprise he has planned. My money is on it being Andre.

Ted DiBiase vs. Randy Savage

And I’m right. It’s Andre and Vince is FURIOUS. Vince if you hate your own booking that much maybe you should step down. With Virgil and Andre interfering Savage is in trouble earlier and as I’m typing that DiBiase messes up. That’s never happened before of course. This match is more or less awesome just based on who is in there. Jesse thinks that might not be Dave Hebner. Damn that was a brilliant angle.

DiBiase busts out the spinning toehold! Is there a class on that at West Texas State or something? The heels triple team Savage and Virgil is thrown out for it. This is solid so far but again it feels like they’re off a bit. They might not be wanting to do any of the stuff they had planned for Mania. The referee goes down “by mistake” and Andre beats the hell out of Savage on the floor.

Liz runs off and of course comes back with Hogan. Savage gets counted out first though and DiBiase wins it. In a stupid thing, when Hogan gets there with a chair he throws it in the ring where either heel could have picked it up. Genius isn’t he?

Rating: B-. Solid but not great. This was about setting up Mania and obviously this wasn’t the projected final so it’s not like they were giving anything away. These two could always have a good match and this was no exception. I liked it but not as much as the mania one actually.

The Islanders are ready for the Bees.

Islanders vs. Killer Bees

This is actually a 2/3 falls match but only the first fall is shown. That’s what the live crowd would get. Nice. Good grief the tag division was epic back in the day. These are midcard tag teams and there were tag team jobbers. That’s so insane by comparison to today when you think about it.

Heenan is in a beekeeper’s outfit which is hilarious. They botch the living hell out of something as the Bees got a clean pin on a rollup but the referee won’t count it because I guess Toma missed a spot. It looked awful and Haku gets a rollup for the pin to end what was really the first fall. Islanders won it 2-0 I believe.

Rating: D. Match was so fast and such a clusterfuck at the end that it was just a joke. Nothing special here at all and was nothing but time filler. These guys would have far better matches later.

Slick insults the Olympic team.

Ken Patera vs. One Man Gang

My how the mighty have fallen. Patera was a dark horse to main event Mania 2 and now he’s jobbing here. He was just a joke here and way too old. Gang jumps him and it’s pretty clear as to what’s going to happen here. Gang is put in a bearhug and it’s fairly decent looking actually. This match already needs to end. Now we get the full nelson. Gang uses the power of the fat to take over and this is just bad. Gang gets the pin off a damn clothesline. Really? He hit a clothesline and just fell on him. This was sad.

Rating: F. Patera had no business being in a ring at this point. Prison took a lot out of him to say the least. This was just pitiful. Not bad, but pitiful. Ok it was bad too.

Hogan says he’s ready for Mania and that’s it.

Overall Rating: D. For a show that was to set up Mania, this didn’t do that great a job of it. There is one match that makes you think of Mania and other than that it’s more or less a clusterfuck. I wasn’t impressed at all and you could tell the guys were kind of sleepwalking through it. Take a pass here.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 21
Date: May 27, 1989
Location: Veterans Memorial Auditorium, Des Moines, Iowa
Commentators: Jesse Ventura, Vince McMahon

This is actually kind of a famous show if nothing else for one match. It’s the first big show after Mania 5 so Hogan is world champion once again, I believe for only the second time actually. He’s defending the title against Boss Man in a cage match that I’m sure a lot of you have seen. It’s famous for one big bump and not much else. This should be fun though as we’re in a transitional period around this time with Hogan being champion but Warrior on the rise. It’s a new beginning really so let’s get to it.

We open with a promo from Hogan inside a cage. Generic but fine. Pretty sure there’s only one cage wall there and he’s in front of a green screen.

Cue theme song.

Who would have believed that at the end of the day, Vince McMahon would win more WWF titles than Jesse? That’s just amusing. We run down what sounds like a decent card.

We get a clip of Mania where Rude won the IC Title from Warrior with the famous finish of Heenan holding the leg. Heenan says win at any cost. This is his first title? Really?

Intercontinental Title: Rick Rude vs. Jim Duggan

Oh and Duggan is now King. It’s by far the least remembered of the reigns with that, including King Haku. The belt looks extra shiny here. Duggan with the crown looks hilarious. It’s Memorial Day Weekend if nothing else so there’s a point to the patriotic gimmick if nothing else. He comes out to what would become Lawler’s music. I always loved the jobbers carrying the throne to the ring.

It’s like “do your job bitches before I squash you.” Jesse mentions that he used to be a Navy SEAL. That’s just awesome. Duggan uses the robe as a bull cape which is kind of funny I guess. Duggan takes over early as you would expect him to. Rude gets a boot up to stop though and we go into something a bit more traditional. The tights Rude wore were completely awesome. Duggan is RIDICULOUSLY over.

We get a false finish as Duggan gets the pin but Rude’s foot is on the rope. Here’s Haku who Duggan beat for the crown. Rude makes a comeback but rams Duggan’s head into the buckle which of course doesn’t work at all. Duggan gets a normal comeback for him but a hot crowd is helping a lot. The clothesline hits and Duggan wins by countout. His music changes when he wins for some reason.

Rating: C-. Not terrible for what it was. This definitely got the crowd into things to say the least. It was a TV match and that’s all it was supposed to be. On Memorial Day, this is perfectly acceptable. Not great, but it was certainly watchable.

Jim Neidhart is with Gene. He has….RANDY SAVAGE tonight? The hell? Anvil vs. Savage? Why? According to Neidhart to get to Hogan, Savage has to go through Anvil. WHAT THE HELL?

Vince thinks Anvil will win. I want some of the cocaine he’s on to say that.

Savage says he’s looking to the future and wants Hogan again. Sherri is his new manager too. That went on for about two years which is far longer than I would have thought.

Jim Neidhart vs. Randy Savage

Ok seriously, who is Savage fighting tonight? This joke has gone on long enough. Who is Savage really fighting? Nothing against Anvil as he’s fine, but dude, this is RANDY SAVAGE and it’s less than 2 months since his year long title reign ended at Wrestlemania. Why is Anvil out there for this? It just doesn’t make anything resembling sense at all.

They’re making this out to be Savage vs. Bret circa 1992. When did Anvil and Hogan become buddies? Sherri grabs the leg of course and it does nothing of note. Neidhart hooks a bearhug as I’m not even sure what I’m watching. Again, it’s not bad. It’s just odd. We get a great piece of insight from Vince: Sherri is a different human being than Liz.

You mean, they don’t just put different wigs and outfits on them and hope we don’t notice? THANK YOU OWNER OF THE DAMN COMPANY! Sweet damn she’s freaky looking. Anvil gets a BIG kick out, likely throwing Savage high enough in the air that he could have hit the top rope. That’s borderline Yokozuna levels. Anvil gets a slingshot shoulder block which would freaking HURT.

Notice the cameras always getting shots of Sherri’s ass. It’s clear Vince was running the company back then given what we know now. This is more or less ALL Anvil here. Sherri unhooks Anvil when his arms are tied up and it lets Savage reset the universe to its natural order as he takes over. Wow that was a long sentence. The elbow finishes soon after.

Rating: B-. This was WAY better than it had any right to be. I don’t think anyone was idiotic enough to think that Anvil was going to win, but still it was nice to see him get in such a long stretch of offense and have time being in control. This was a decent enough match and it got Sherri over as a threat to Savage’s opponents, which was the point here. Not bad at all.

Slick and Boss Man say they’re ready for Hogan. Slick is Jesse’s height. That’s very odd indeed. Boss Man is just pure fat here. In 90-91 he would drop about 90 pounds and become freaking lethal. Slick says there’s a surprise for Hogan.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Big Boss Man

This is in a cage remember. Slick says that the surprise is Zeus. He stands on the steps and slams the cage door, blocking Hogan’s entrance. Damn it I was hoping I was done with this guy. Ok here’s the concept of Zeus. Hogan made a movie called No Holds Barred.

The main villain in that movie was named Tom Lister, playing the character of Zeus, a monster fighter that was a crazed wrestler. Hogan played a character that more or less was himself named Rip. At the end of the movie, Rip beats Zeus as you would expect him to. So what this would be is Zeus the character coming after the actor that played the character Rip.

In other words, a character played by an actor is coming after a character played by a character played by Terry Bollea. Now here’s the big problem: LISTER CANNOT WRESTLE. Vince of course contemplated putting him vs. Hogan in SkyDome at Mania 6 for the title. Yeah around this time WWF was in REAL financial trouble until Mania saved the freaking company. Anyway, this is Zeus’ debut.

Remember, this is a movie character going after an actor that played a character that beat his character up. Yeah it was idiotic but oddly enough few got the problem, mainly because most kids were so freaked out by Zeus, including me, that they didn’t get how stupid this was. Oh and remember Hogan hasn’t even come to the arena yet.

We get a clip of No Holds Barred, showing Zeus beating up a street fighter. That movie needs to be on DVD. It just does. Hogan comes out and can’t get in. Zeus beats Hogan down as you would expect. Remember, this would be like Christian Bale claiming to be Batman beating up Liam Neeson. Not Ra’s-as-Ghul, but Liam Neeson. Boss Man dominates early but here comes the champion as you would expect.

See here, the fans are cheering and money was coming in. BIG difference to today. He hits what would be called a spinebuster on Hogan but doesn’t have a name other than “look at that maneuver!” Boss Man gets over the top of the cage but since Boss Man can’t climb down with any kind of speed, Hogan gets there in time. We then get the mega spot of the match, which really isn’t much by today’s standards.

With Boss Man on the top of the cage and Hogan on the top rope, Hogan suplexes Boss Man to the mat. I think it’s because of the size and era that this is considered such a great bump. They’re up about 45 seconds later and everything is fine. Boss Man has handcuffs which don’t work of course. Ah never mind it’s just a chain. Both guys get rammed into the cage and they’re both down.

This time it’s just for a few seconds though. Boss Man is bleeding a bit. The usual stuff ends it as Hogan goes over the top to get to the floor. For those of you that don’t remember, Slick is more or less Pope minus wrestling. I forgot to mention that Slick runs in and there’s a mix up, causing Boss Man to get cuffed to the rope. Hogan beats Slick up afterwards.

Rating: B-. It’s a Hogan cage match. That’s all there is to it. The bump is nice, but other than that there just isn’t much here. Hogan vs. a monster was where he was at his best and this came off just fine. It’s no classic or anything, but for a TV match this was quite good.

Jesse is with the Brainbusters and Heenan who says he’s getting the tag belts tonight. The wrestlers, shockingly enough, agree. Seeing Anderson in a WWF ring is always just weird to see.

Demolition say their usual awesome stuff.

Tag Titles: Brainbusters vs. Demolition

Damn that music is awesome. The red tongues were always a nice touch too. Tully and Smash start. I wonder if Darsow as Krusher Khrushchev ever fought the Horsemen. I wouldn’t think so. Arn gets the hell out of him. Jesse talks about how often Demolition tags in and out. THAT is what an analyst is supposed to do. So far this has been a total squash.

In what I think was a mistake, Tully gets knocked over the top and lands on Bobby. I think that was a mistake. Ah there we are as the Busters take over for once. Tully is a master of getting people riled up. Smash is the…..whatever the hell you call Demolition, in peril here as we hit the double knockdown.

In a very unique move, Tully sneaks to the floor and pulls Axe down so Smash can’t make the tag. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that. Smash throws the referee across the ring for the DQ. There would be a rematch on the next SNME.

Rating: C. Formula stuff and it worked just fine. The ending was weak though, although it set up a rematch so I can’t complain there. This wasn’t a classic or anything, but it came off pretty well. Me liking both teams likely has something to do with it though.

Savage says he wants Hogan.

Boris Zhukov vs. Jimmy Snuka

This is your run of the mill “we’ve got like 4 minutes left and no one major other than Hogan hasn’t been interviewed yet so here’s a bullshit match for you” match to close the show. The splash ends this in MAYBE a minute.

Rating: N/A. The description of the match I wrote sums this up perfectly.

Hogan yells about Zeus and every word he says makes this whole angle seem all the more stupid. Vince is listed as the Executive Producer in the credits. How did we never catch onto that?

Overall Rating: B+. That’s higher than any of the matches, but this was a DAMN good show. There’s nothing bad on here and everything came off really well. For a free TV show, this was freaking great. Three title matches, a better than it should have been Savage match and a squash with a cool finishers makes this great. Loved it.

 

[klunderbunker]

Saturday Night’s Main Event 4
Date: January 4, 1986
Location: USF Sun Dome, Tampa Florida
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura

We’re in that awkward period for the company here where no one really had anything resembling a clue as to what to do as far as major stories. With the abomination that was Mania 2 about 3 months away, there is next to nothing set up or in the works for it. I wouldn’t put much stock into this show, but let’s get to it.

We open with Hogan and Gene preparing for Hogan’s match by drinking some protein drink. He has Terry Funk tonight and calls him the Rattlesnake. They go through the whole Florida theme and it’s a bit odd to say the least. Since this is from 24/7, all the sounds are edited and the theme songs are messed up, meaning no great entrance music.

Vince runs down the card and yeah it’s pretty uninteresting. Jesse comes in to talk, leading into this. Jesse brings Heenan in for commentary on the first match since he’ll be busy.

Jesse Ventura/Roddy Piper/Bob Orton vs. Cousin Luke/Uncle Elmer/Hillbilly Jim

Jim is the most talented of the face hillbilly team. What does that tell you? Piper and Orton say funny things about the hillbillies. He was a total master on the mic in this era. The hillbillies say generic hillbilly stuff. The mat is dark gray and the ropes are mixed up, as in they go blue, red then white. It’s weirder than it sounds. Also, the ring looks TINY. Uncle Elmer and Ventura start. Elmer is REALLY fat.

Wow it’s odd hearing Heenan from this era. It really is. He’s a totally different commentator. He’s still his usual jerky self, but his voice sounds different to put it mildly. Luke…sucks. That’s all there is to it. I mean he sucks HARD. Naturally he gets beaten down for the majority of the match. Piper was still moving in the ring at this time and was far better at wrestling than he was given credit for.

Jesse’s wrestling was underrated. He knew how to sell and could work a crowd really well. Luke gets his ass handed to him for a good while. We get the classic ref doesn’t see the tag spot which is one of the easiest ways in the world to get heat on someone. Piper beats up Uncle Elmer, who is like 6’7 and close to 500lbs on his own. It’s rather amusing. We get a melee and after a cast shot to Luke, Piper puts him to sleep to end a glorified squash.

Rating: D. Weak stuff here but like I said, I’d expect a lot of that. There was heat from the crowd, but when the third best in ring guy is Hillbilly Jim, it’s a bad sign. This just didn’t work and felt weak.

We see a quick replay from the last SNME where Jimmy got branded by the JYD. JYD agrees to a….water slide contest? Ok then. JYD wins. This took like a minute. Terry Funk is there for no explained reason. Oh he wants a tan for when he gets pictures taken after winning the world title.

We see Hogan losing to Funk in Denver by DQ and getting branded, setting this up.

JYD will be in Hogan’s corner. Wasn’t he at the water park?

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Terry Funk

Hogan is in blue here as I think this was on the SNME DVD. Yeah it was. They botch an Irish Whip reversal sequence early in the match but it comes off ok I guess. It’s weird seeing Hogan in there with Funk. That’s just an odd combination if there ever was one. JYD keeps annoying Jimmy Hart.

Hart manages Funk in case you didn’t get that idea. We get a nice segment where Funk keeps dropping down and Hogan keeps stepping on his back. Simple but effective. Funk throws chairs, nothing comes of it. Crowd LOVES Hogan to put it mildly. We get a low blow which wasn’t a common move back in the day. And just as I say that he gets crotched on the top rope. Funk gets some tape and chokes Hogan to take over.

Piledriver gets two. GO TO MEMPHIS! You’d be champion for 3 months since Hogan would be in the hospital that long. And now all of a sudden Hogan can’t feel pain. Oddly enough Hart gets a shot in with the branding iron to get a cover for Funk. Naturally Hogan gets his foot on the rope and Funk thinks he’s won. I guess even legends can be idiots like that. Hogan waits on him and takes his damn head off with a lariat for the pin.

Rating: C-. Nothing classic at all, but for a free TV title defense, this was fine. Hogan vs. anything that weighed less than 300lbs is always interesting and Funk being certifiable helped a lot as it made things far more interesting.

Hogan says he wants more of Funk. JYD says he’s Deputy Dog. Wow I can’t stand him.

George Steele is at a water park. He likes duckies.

Savage and Liz are also there. He’s teaching Liz to swim. Liz is in a swimsuit. I don’t hear anything else that’s being said after that. She was perfect.

Randy Savage vs. George Steele

This is about a month and a half before Savage won the IC Title and held it for over a year, losing it to Steamboat at Mania 3 when Steele helped him win it. You could argue that this is the first match in a year and 3 month long feud. We get some chasing outside on the floor and then he eats a turnbuckle. A double axehandle…gets the pin. Ok then.

Rating: N/A. Total comedy match and a bad one. This got them nearly a year and a half. WOW.

We now get a video: the highlights of 1985. This is mainly just Mania and SNME clips, but there’s a bit more in there. Also, it’s not all Hogan. To be fair though, he was wrestling in this company back then.

Volkoff and Sheik run down America. I’m stunned too.

Corporal Kirschner does stuff at the water park too. Seeing him explain military stuff to Ventura, a former Navy SEAL is rather amusing.

Nikolai Volkoff vs. Corporal Kirschner

This is a Peace Match. Translation, it’s based on some peace talks that had been going on around this time. So they’re fighting for peace. Got it. We get technical stuff, but neither are very good at it. So basically they can’t do traditional stuff and it’s amateur style. This…is rather stupid.

Volkoff throws a damn cartwheel! WOW. Would not have called that one. The fans are liking it if nothing else so there we are. Blassie hooks a leg and Volkoff drops a knee for the surprising win. Of course there’s a postmatch beatdown as the heels get run off.

Rating: C-. It was different to say the least. It came off ok though, but this feud never went anywhere at all. Kirschner was the replacement for Sgt. Slaughter who went to the AWA. No one bought it.

Muraco and Fuji say they aren’t worried for tonight.

Steamboat and JYD say they’re ready. JYD is evening the odds for Steamboat.

Ricky Steamboat/Junkyard Dog vs. Mr. Fuji/Don Muraco

Someone needs to chain up pandemonium. It’s always breaking loose. Yeah I’m done with the bad jokes. Fuji was an occasional wrestler at this point but would be done soon. Basically the heels beat the hell out of JYD because you wouldn’t wasn’t the heavy hitter to come in for the save or anything like that would you? This is another fast match with JYD hitting the THUMP on Fuji for the pin.

Rating: C. It did it’s job but much like Saturday Night Live, once the first hour was over, no one cared at all. This just didn’t mean much but it filled five minutes I suppose.

Jesse and Vince wrap us up.

Overall Rating: D. This was an hour and a half of NOTHING. Hogan vs. Funk wasn’t bad, but other than that there just wasn’t much at all to say here. Like I said this wasn’t a good time at all for the company and this didn’t come off well at all. There’s nothing of note here at all here and it showed badly. To be fair though, it’s 1986. On the other hand though, the show completely sucked. BIG pass here.