History of Judgment Day with KB

[klunderbunker]

Since I only have seven different PPV series to go in WWE, this is as good as anything else to do. Judgment Day is usually the May PPV and would usually be the start of the next feud cycle after the rematches at Backlash. There will be ten PPVs in this series as I’ve already done the 1998 show and I’ll repost it here for the sake of completeness. For those asking, there was no 1999 Judgment Day. There are some good matches in this series so let’s get started with 1999 and then 2000.

In Your House 25: Judgment Day
Date: October 18, 1998
Location: Rosemont Horizon, Rosemont, Illinois
Attendance: 18,153
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

So we’re just three weeks (damn it happened back then too) from Breakdown and your two main things are as follows: there is no WWF Champion. After the double pin last month, Vince said that the title is vacant. The following night on Raw, Vince tried to have a ceremony but Austin interrupted with a Zamboni, (the thing used to smooth ice) and attacked Vince.

Vince announced Taker and Kane with Austin as referee for Judgment Day. Taker and Kane broke his ankle because of it. HHH was stripped of the IC Title because he hurt his knee and Shamrock won a tournament for it. D’lo got the European Title back too.

Standard opening, but they get a little insane by having a missile go off with the words WWF on the side. A bit intense don’t you think?

Al Snow vs. Marc Mero

Snow continues to get big pops and I have no damn idea why they didn’t push him as something. He was over and could work a good match. Oh that’s right, Vince didn’t come up with the gimmick so it wouldn’t have worked. I can’t stand him sometimes. Anyway there’s no point to this match so it should be better than most on this show. Jeff Jarrett joins us as he and Snow had been fighting lately.

He’s gone in all of 2 minutes though so that was a fairly pointless thing. This is a decent opening match with the best line being Al Snow is so dumb his dentist says his wisdom teeth are ******ed. It’s exactly what you would expect here as they go back and forth a bit with Mero missing the SSP (by a fucking mile. Seriously he completely missed.) Snow gets rolled up and his shoulder is so clearly off the mat it’s awful but he’s counted anyway for two. TKO gets reversed into the Snow Plow to end it.

Rating: B-. It was a short opener so what more did you want from it? Not a bad match but just ok. Jarrett made no sense with the run in at the beginning so that part was a waste of time. Mero of course sucked a bit and Snow was good as always. I’ll never get how Snow wasn’t a bigger star than Mero was. I simply don’t get it.

Austin is shown coming into the arena and having to dress in the referee’s locker room. Slaughter has to be the most useless man in wrestling history.

DOA vs. LOD

This is a twist as it’s a 6 man with Droz and Ellering in the ring. That’s fun as I now have 6 reasons to hate this match instead of just 4. Hawk has admitted his “demons” which is the bad storyline that I’ve been referencing. The LOD with regular haircuts just do not work at all. They’re the hometown boys though so the pops are……..pretty mild actually. They exist but it’s nothing solid.

Droz actually looks the most like an original LOD member. He also busts out a jumping reverse elbow which is one of my all time favorite moves. This is a fairly short match with the LOD dominating for the most part. Hawk looks fine for someone with an addiction problem but oh well. Anyway, Ellering does next to nothing as was expected. Eventually the Doomsday Device is hit, resulting in Droz stealing the pin. Hawk isn’t happy.

Rating: C+. It’s very short and an overdone feud that wasn’t interesting, but it wasn’t a bad match. Droz was better than I remember him being but he was ok at least. He had a unique look which helped him out a lot, making him look more like the LOD than the LOD> Not a terrible match, but nothing that wouldn’t fit on a Raw.

Christian vs. Taka Michinoku

Christian has his cocky walk going already here even as a rookie. This is going to be a much happier review as I just finished seeing my boy Punk get the WHC back. Anyway, this match yet again shows what’s wrong with this division in two parts. Number one, Taka has been champion ten months now. That’s too long for what’s supposed to be a fast paced division and WAY too long for an inaugural champion.

Second, and this is the most important of the problems, they’re wrestling a heavyweight style. The big spot here is a crossbody block. Ricky Steamboat used that for years and he’s certainly a heavyweight wrestler. Sting used to use it. See what I mean? In a division like this, I want all kinds of flips and top rope moves and dives etc. CM Punk, who is the NEW WHC I might add, is more of a light heavyweight than Taka was.

Christian wrestles a heavyweight style as well. See how this is a problem? Anyway, Christian reverses the driver (what small guy uses a piledriver anyway?) into a rollup for the pin and the title as Edge looks on from the crowd.

Rating: C-. It was way too short, there weren’t enough high flying moves, and no one knew who Christian was at t the time. It gets a passing grade simply because it ended the mind numbing Taka reign which went on about 8 months too long and killed the division before it ever got off the ground. Not a great match, but passable I suppose.

Venis and Goldust are recapped, leading to…

Val Venis vs. Goldust

Before the match Goldust hijacks Val’s mic so he can’t do his shtick. That’s a nice little thing that plays up to Goldust and the psychological games. Anyway, apparently dressing in gold is quite intimidating these days as the guy that Val destroyed last month now scares him. Ok then. Anyway, it’s a pretty standard match here and Val uses a diving cross body and does it better than Taka did. See what I mean about the boring moves?

One thing I really don’t like about this match is that they use too many rest holds and they spend too much time with them. Things like that slow down the match and just suck all of the life out of the crowd. Anyway, the main thing is that Terri is on the floor and still wearing her wedding ring despite Val making out with her earlier. During the match Goldust’s glove comes off and he’s still wearing his ring as well.

Other than that, there’s not a lot to say about this match as while it’s entertaining there’s not much going on in it. Finally Terri gets involved as we know this is the finish. Val almost hits her and walks into a low blow for the pin.

Rating: C+. It was a pretty standard match but yet again that doesn’t mean it wasn’t good. It’s ok with both guys being solid in the ring to make this a decent enough match. It’s nothing mind blowing, but it’s perfectly acceptable wrestling.

We’re told that Shamrock has beaten up HHH and injured his knee again and HHH is in the hospital. X-Pac says he’ll deal with Shamrock tomorrow but tonight he’s getting the worthless title tonight.

European Title: X-Pac vs. D’lp Brown

Brown is from Milan, Italy now which is a little touch I always liked from some of the champions. Apparently the Nation has finally broken up which I can’t say is a bad thing. It ran its course and has split, which is how it was supposed to go. Now I’ve never been a fan of X-Pac but I like this match quite a bit for some bizarre reason. It’s solid all the way up until the ending where it just completely dies for me.

These guys go back and forth with Brown using my favorite counter as he just raises his foot up to stop the Bronco Buster. They hammer the hell out of each other and with the guys of smaller size working together, the match works much better than most of what Pac does. Brown just can’t put him away and I’m actually getting into it a bit.

Mark Henry, who is suing Chyna for sexual harassment, comes down to the ring for no apparent reason, allowing X-Pac to get hit with the belt. Brown hits a bunch of big moves but Pac keeps kicking out. Eventually he goes up top for the splash but Pac is up already.

Now for the stupid part. He dives face first and lands in the X-Factor. WHY WOULD HE JUMP LIKE THAT? What was he going for? It makes no sense and exposes the match, which just makes things bad. Hate the ending as it ruins what was otherwise a good match.

Rating: B-. If the ending was good, this would be a B or maybe even a B+. I really liked the flow here despite my disdain for Sean Waltman. Everything had a nice flow to it but of course we couldn’t just have a clean finish. We just had to have the interference and the belt shot and the ridiculous looking ending didn’t we? Just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Paul Bearer might be in Taker’s locker room.

Tag Titles: Headbangers vs. New Age Outlaws

This started when Road Dogg had a boom box broken over his head. Outlaws are WAY over here as no one wanted to see the bald guys win again. They hadn’t done anything in forever and they weren’t any good to begin with. Why would we want to see them as champions again, or even for the first time. The problem here is that there is absolutely no heat on this match at all.

It’s all about the Outlaws and no one wants to see the Bangers do anything. Gunn gets beaten on for a good while and they use an arm bar on him late in the match. Ross thinks that’s not a good move and he’s right. Seriously, an arm bar? Why not a Saskatchewan Spinning Nerve Hold? Or maybe an ARM BAR? If that doesn’t work, you could try an ARM DRAG. As a final solution though, I’d go with an ARM BAR.

Now that my bad Chris Jericho impression is over, let’s continue with the match. Yeah it sucks. We keep waiting on the hot tag but it never comes. They set Gunn for their finisher but Road Dogg blasts one in the head with a boom box for the DQ and the biggest and I think only pop of the whole match. Why did he have a boom box there? I don’t know, I guess because he felt like it.

Rating: C-. The Outlaws were solid faces here while the team they were against just plain sucked. I don’t get the appeal to this team and I never have. What was so amazing about them that I’m just not seeing? They were ok and that’s pushing it. No one thought they were winning here and this was the last feud they had.

Mankind cuts a very funny promo bashing Shamrock and talking to Mr. Socko.

IC Title: Ken Shamrock vs. Mankind

No real reason for this other than one is a big face and the other wants to be a big heel. Shamrock had won the belt Monday so he’s just not going to lose here. Mankind is 6’4??? When in the hell did that happen? According to JR at least he is, but I always thought Foley was more around the 6’2 range. Edge and Orton are 6’4, and I think they’re both fairly taller than Foley is. This starts off with Shamrock just beating the hell out of Foley with strikes and punches.

Foley gets little offense in as usual and of course makes Ken look like a million bucks which Shamrock couldn’t do if his life depended on it. That’s where Foley truly shines and this is no exception. However he gets the claw on for all of one second and it’s enough to bring the match to a screeching halt. The commentators are talking about how Foley is a loveable idiot that is doing nothing but trying to please Mr. McMahon but is constantly ridiculed and manipulated by him.

For some reason the chair shot by Shamrock is completely ignored. The comeback is on as Foley uses the same offense he always uses and still makes it look good either way. All of his big moves are hit ranging from the Cactus Clothesline to the corner punches to the double arm DDT.

Shamrock gets the ankle lock on him but instead of tapping, Mankind puts the claw on himself, knocking himself unconscious. Shamrock hears this and snaps, beating up the referee and Mankind until other referees come out, allowing Mankind to put the claw on him and limp away.

Rating: B+. This was exactly the way this match should have been. Both guys worked pretty hard out there with Shamrock not actually beating Mankind but winning anyway. Foley made him look good which was likely what his instructions were. Good match but not great.

Cole tries to see Vince but Bossman doesn’t like the idea.

Rock vs. Mark Henry

This is fallout from the Nation’s split I suppose, not to mention a beatdown they gave Rock on Monday. Henry has a poem for Chyna. The pops for Rock are there and they would never leave again. The classic style is there too as the Rock has finally arrived. The commentators do nothing but talk about how big Henry is. Did you know he’s a big man and a former Olympian? Rock uses his normal stuff which works well against big men like Henry.

He shows some unusual power for himself by suplexing the big fat waste of 3 people’s skin. Soon thereafter Henry is beating him down to lead to a comeback. With D’lo’s help Henry survives the elbow and a splash finishes the Rock. I know it’s short but the match is five minutes and two seconds long. How much can I really say about it?

Rating: C. The shortness hurt this one and it hurt it bad. There’s no need to make this match just five minutes long. I know that Henry was limited in the ring and still is today and that Rock wasn’t ready for a main event spot yet but he could do more than 5 minutes. I even get Rock losing here, but not that fast. The time is the main thing here as it just takes a lot away from what could have been an ok match.

Massive recap and blah.

WWF Title: Undertaker vs. Kane

Austin is the ref and if he doesn’t do things right he’s fired as we’ve been over already. Austin of course is the biggest star in the whole match as is expected here. If you’ve seen one match from these two you’ve seen them all and this one isn’t particularly great as Taker is more of a heel. It’s more of two big guys fighting instead of Taker against Kane in one of their epic struggles.

It’s a slow pace which is what you would expect from these guys, but there’s no burst of high speed offense like there are in the other matches. Austin really is reserved here as we all know it’s just building to the big deal with him in the finish. It was kind of obvious to me that something would keep there from being a straight new champion crowned here.

Your psychology here is that Kane’s knee gets worked over the whole match. Since this is the Attitude Era though, it has no bearing at all on the end of the match. As they fight, Kane starts beating up Austin for no reason at all. Chokeslam puts him down long enough for Bearer to come out and turn on him as he joins Taker all over again. Anyway, Austin sees him blast Kane with the chair and refuses to make the count.

He stuns Taker (who staggers around and never falls) before chairing him. Austin counts three on both men then declares himself the winner. He goes to the back to find Vince but Vince appears as the Titantron is raised after Austin returns and fires him as he breaks out the catch phrase for the first time. Austin says to play his music and has a beer bash to end the show.

The next night would be the famous Austin’s Got A Gun show where he is stalking Vince all night and Vince wets himself as the gun says Bang 3:16 to end the show. Shane would rehire him but for no good reason at all screw him over weeks later. Why rehire them just to screw them instead of just letting him stay fired? God bless kayfabe.

Rating: B-. It was ok but once again this was more about the angle than about the title. I like a lot of what Russo did but I will never agree with his stance on titles being just props. It should mean something to be the World Heavyweight Champion.

I get that Austin was the biggest star on the planet but it makes the title look weaker. Never once been a fan of that and never will be. As for the match it’s one of Taker and Kane’s weakest entries but that’s because it wasn’t about their rivalry as they were just two guys fighting over a belt.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a pretty solid show I think from a wrestling standpoint. However, it kind of falls flat at the end as the final moments meant nothing since Austin would be in the tournament at the Survivor Series the following month.

The show serves as a good lead in to the Deadly Game tournament but other than that it’s just not there. While the in ring work is pretty good, there’s no substance as far as storylines go which drops this pretty far in my eyes. It does feature 5 title matches, but the European and IC matches are the only ones I really liked. It’s a decent show but don’t expect too much. Rated just slightly above average.

 

[klunderbunker]

Judgment Day 2000
Date: May 21, 2000
Location: Freedom Hall, Louisville, Kentucky
Attendance: 16,827
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We kick off the series with this, which for the life of me I didn’t go to for some reason. The main event and more or less the only reason this show means anything is Rock vs. HHH in an Iron Man match for the world title. Other than that there more or less is nothing as that match takes over an hour. The only other good match is Benoit vs. Jericho in a submission match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video lists off things that happen in an hour, including births, deaths and flights taking off. Think they’re playing up the Iron Man match as important here?

This is going to be a tricky show for me as a friend of mine that I was supposed to go to the show with is visible on camera for almost the entire show.

Vince is with his kids and DX along with Brisco, the current Hardcore Champion. Patterson isn’t here so Brisco is the errand boy. They’re all in action tonight for the most part. Vince makes Shane vs. Show hardcore for the most part. Rock is champion coming in mind you. Even the mention of HHH’s name gets mad heat.

Brisco is getting the coffee and the Headbangers jump him, carrying him off.

Shawn, the referee for the main event, is here in fall too small shorts.

Too Cool/Rikishi vs. Edge/Christian/Kurt Angle

Angle is fresh and as goofy as ever here and I love it. He’s “all that” according to various teenage girls. He gives a nursery rhyme about chastity and “not shacking up with a bunch of guys, but stay pure by following his three I’s”. I love Angle from this era. Edge and Christian are tag champions here and bring out some bags. The mispronounce the name of the town and have a new Five Second Pose. They bust out banjos for one called Jug Band The out of context visual here is great.

Crowd pops BIG for Too Cool. Or is that for Rikishi? Their music is catchy as hell if nothing else. The heels jump the dancers and it’s on. That doesn’t last long as Rikishi and his lackies clear the ring. Too Cool beats down Edge for a bit. Apparently Stephanie was in Shawn’s locker room earlier in the day and left smiling. I’m not sure how Becca would feel about that.

Scotty vs. Christian now with Scotty in control. Too Cool does some double teaming and Edge tries to emulate it, resulting in him getting crotched on the top rope. Grandmaster starts dancing and his pants fall down. Oh dear. Off to Rikishi now as this is moving a bit too fast for my tastes. Rikishi tries to drop his ass on Kurt but missed, giving Team ECK (Edge, Christian, Kurt, which is their actual name and not something I made up) the advantage.

Angle beats him down in the corner and the champions add in a beating of their own. Rikishi remembers he’s an upper midcard guy and fights them off to bring in Scotty. Edge illegally comes in so of course the referee believes that he made the tag. Off to Kurt and Scotty actually beats him down a bit. Crowd is all over Kurt here. Christian beats on Scotty for a bit as they’re tagging in and out that fast.

Scotty sets for a powerbomb and drops Christian back into a hot shot to bring in Rikishi. Is Grandmaster crippled or something? Can he just not come in at all? All three heels get stacked up in the corner and are splashed at once. Stinkface to Angle makes Lawler scream. Angle and Christian tries a DDT on Rikishi for no adequately explored reason and the fat man hits Kurt again.

Edge spears Rikishi down, being the only one with some intelligence on his team. He gets bulldogged down and it’s the Worm. And so much for that as Christian pops Rikishi with the bell. Grandmaster FINALLY does something by dropping the leg off the top to break up the easy pin and putting Scotty on Edge for the pin.

Rating: C+. This isn’t anything too bad and was a decent enough opener. It’s a fairly fast paced six man with some fun comedy spots and popular guys in there. This sums up this generation pretty well: I’m currently redoing the Mania reviews and am doing #13 at the moment. This match was more exciting than all but one match on that show and arguably a second. Let that sink in for a bit.

Of course we get some post match dancing.

Shawn is with Cole and says he’s going to call this down the line. There are apparently internet rumors about Shawn being jealous of Rock and Shawn says if it’s on the internet it MUST be true. Nice little shot there.

We get a clip from earlier of Eddie and Chyna arriving. Dean gets in their face and Saturn gets in Dean’s face.

European Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Perry Saturn vs. Dean Malenko

Dig that pop for Eddie. Dean is Light Heavyweight Champion here which he would be like forever. Dean and Saturn beat him down with relative ease, throwing in a modified Decapitator ala Demolition. I love hearing them drop F Bombs in the corner. Leg lariat by Malenko takes Saturn down as Eddie is down in the corner.

We get some nice three man spots including Eddie getting a mule kick as a low blow to both guys. Eddie fights both guys back and gets a nice rana on Saturn to take him down. Dean leans into a headscissors and gets a side slam for two. Tornado DDT by Eddie to take Saturn down for two as Malenko saves.

Butterfly suplex by Malenko is countered into a sunset flip by Eddie which is countered into a Texas Cloverleaf which is countered by Saturn. Saturn double crosses Malenko as they set for a Doomsday Device. He throws Eddie at the top rope to crotch Malenko. Eddie gets up but walks into the middle rope gutbuster from Eddie. Saturn busts out a Frog Splash on Eddie for two as Malenko saves.

Perry tries a Texas Cloverleaf on Dean which Eddie breaks up. Brainbuster to Saturn as this has gotten quite good. Saturn charges at Eddie who ducks and it’s down to Eddie and Dean for the moment. Dean gets a suplex and a top rope splash for two. It’s a triple/double/whatever else JR calls it suplex as Dean suplexes Eddie and Saturn suplexes Dean. Chyna drills Saturn with the flowers and trips Dean to send him head first into them. Eddie rolls up Dean for the pin to retain.

Rating: B. Another fast paced and fun match. This is what happens when you put guys out there that know each other and have no issues with letting the other guys look good. There were some very creative spots in there and all three guys worked very hard. Fun times indeed and the second good match in a row.

We get a clip from Smackdown where Crash was taking a nap and Brisco came in with a referee and got a quiet pinfall to win the Hardcore Title. That actually was kind of funny. Brisco is sneaking around in the bathroom so of course the announcers are whispering. Brisco tries to jump himself in the mirror as he’s all paranoid.

We recap Shane vs. Big Show which is fallout from Mania. Show has turned face and is having fun and being funny now, so Shane ripped him for it. Shane challenged him for no apparent reason so Show promptly destroyed him on Raw. McMahon made him run a gauntlet match and managed to chokeslam Show (with some help from T&A).

Shane McMahon vs. Big Show

This is in essence a hardcore match. Show has almost rap music here. I kind of dig it actually. Shane dives over the top and gets caught with ease. Let the massacring begin. All Show to start as he easily throws Shane into the ring from the floor. We’re just filling time until the Corporation comes in to clean house.

Show calls for the Chokeslam and here’s Boss Man for the save. He drills Show in the knee multiple times with the nightstick but here comes Show. Show gets a powerbomb on Boss Man which is a move he could use more often I think. T&A come out with chairs so Show drills them both in the chair to knock them into the faces. Trish tries a low blow which doesn’t work so Show throws her onto T&A on the floor.

Shane tries to run so Show follows him up the ramp. Show launches him into the set like a rag doll. He rips the thing apart but Shane jumps up and grabs the bottom of the Tron to kick Show in the face. T&A come back to beat Show down a bit so Shane can shove an anvil case into Show’s face for two. Test even tries a cinder block but can’t get a shot in with it. Shane climbs the set but Bull Buchanan pops up with the nightstick. They knock Show into the sound equipment which falls onto Show’s leg. A shot to the head with a cinder block gives Shane the pin.

Rating: C+. Match was short but fun. Show is great as the monster and having everyone come in there to beat the hell out of him is a nice touch. Not a bad match at all especially since Shane had no direction at all for the most part. I would have had Show fight off the odds but that’s Vince’s company for you at the end of the day. Fun though.

Brisco is still looking for a place to hide. He picks the referee’s locker room and nods off. Naturally the referees in there try to steal the title but he yells at them and leaves.

HHH is talking to Shawn about his shorts which are far too small and far too tight. Apparently it looks like he’s smuggling bananas in them.

We recap Benoit vs. Jericho who are in their annual CAN YOU TOP THIS contest. Benoit made the challenge this time and is champion coming in. Jericho has a counter to the Crossface apparently. Hardcore Holly attacked Benoit with a chair on Smackdown so Benoit’s knee may be messed up.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

Ross liked Benoit’s hold better because it can go on faster. That’s logical. Back and forth to start and Jericho goes for a Fujiwara Armbar out of nowhere. I would make fun of the lack of psychology, but here any submission works and Jericho is trying to get something quick so that’s ok. Tombstone attempt by Jericho is countered into a shoulderbreaker by Benoit.

Benoit gets a shoulder lock on and Jericho is in some trouble. Jericho reverses into a Walls attempt but Benoit blocks that as well. Springboard dropkick takes Benoit down to the floor. Crowd is WAY hot here. Val Venis is watching and gets a title shot tomorrow apparently. Jericho gets Benoit and the knee into the steps to further his dominance. Back into the ring and Jericho gets a Tiger Bomb into a backbreaker.

They chop it out and those things sound great. Off to Benoit now as the turnbuckle is exposed. Jericho’s shoulder is rammed into said buckle and then he does it again. Off to an armbar again which Jericho reverses and they slug it out one more time. Benoit may have a slightly broken nose from a few weeks ago. Cross armbreaker by Benoit and Jericho is in trouble. Sorry for the lack of jokes here but it’s hard to find stuff to make fun of in a good match.

Hardcore Holly is watching too, I guess because he’s a voyeur or something. Flapjack by Jericho has the crowd in a frenzy. Jericho goes after the knee and tries to get the brace off of it. There it goes so let’s whip Benoit with it! Lionsault goes onto the knee and Benoit tries to escape. Jericho locks on the Walls around the ropes in a very cool looking spot. I love it when you tweak a move like that to adapt to your surroundings.

Benoit kicks Jericho in the face to get out of it. Why mess with an idea that works I guess? Triple Germans by Benoit and he goes for the shoulder again. Jericho gets a shot to the knee and tries for the Walls. Benoit gets a shot with the knee brace and hooks on the Crossface! Jericho almost gets to the ropes so Benoit releases it and pulls him to the middle. Jericho gets out AGAIN but Benoit slips the arms beneath the chin and Jericho passes out to end it.

Rating: A-. Oh come on were you expecting anything other than a great match from these two? These are guys that I start on a higher level than I do most matches as I know it’s going to be good. The idea here was how good was it going to be and this was quite good indeed. Both guys had the psychology going of course and it worked quite well. Good stuff of course, but their ladder match the following January was even better.

We get a clip of Brisco getting jumped earlier. Cole talks to Brisco who says he can’t have any peace as everyone, including his kids and his neighbors are trying to take his title. Behind him some venders are talking to a referee. Apparently his StoogeSense kicks in and he pops them in the head.

Shawn is talking with Rock who says that this better be called down the line. This is one of the few dream matches that we never got.

X-Pac/Road Dogg vs. Dudley Boys

This is a double tag match, as in you have to put both guys through tables and I don’t think it’s elimination rules. Tori is freaking sexy. Tori put Bubba through a table and Bubba looked downright orgasmic from it. Road Dogg does his usual schtick that is on the verge of being done at this point. The Dudleyz charge and clear the ring including the Fink who was still doing their entrances.

There are a ton of tables around ringside. You have to tag in and out here for no apparent reason. The Dudleys are the faces here. Roadie and D-Von start us off but it’s off to Pac and Bubba rather quickly. Pac gets a spin kick to take him down and it’s to the floor. Never mind it’s back to the ring. Bubba gets a middle rope clothesline of all things to keep control.

What’s Up to X-Pac and you can see Tori cringe. She gets up on the apron so it’s What’s Up to Road Dogg too. DX retreats to the floor as the fans chant for tables. The boys in green try to run and the fight is on in the aisle. Back to the ring with D-Von and Road Dogg. I think we’re at the point now where the rules are thrown out the window. Bubba gives Tori the eye and Pac seems to be ok with it.

Back to the actual rules part now which is rather stupid. Bronco Buster to D-Von makes me very angry indeed. D-Von fights up and tags Bubba but the referee didn’t see it. Naturally he lets DX change when he didn’t see them do it. Spin kick takes down D-Von but a double clothesline gets him out of trouble. Here’s Bubba who cleans about half of a house. Eh make that the whole house I guess.

It’s table time and the fans are into this all of a sudden. We get two set up in opposite corners and another at ringside. Road Dogg reverses D-Von and the Dudley is sent through a table via a pumphandle slam to make it 1-0 DX. Pac, like an IDIOT, tries a rana in front of a table and goes through it. Next guy of Road Dogg or Bubba that goes through it ends this.

They slug it out in the middle of the ring and get annoyed at the referee. Yep the referee goes through a table. Brisco wanders out here as Road Dogg takes a 3D through a table but there’s no referee. Tori comes in like an idiot and D-Von sets up a table while Bubba grabs her. Brisco saves her from a middle rope powerbomb with a low blow to Bubba. X-Factor through the table ends Bubba and DX wins it.

Rating: C. I know people aren’t fans of me saying this but this was what it was. It’s a gimmick match with a lot of violence and people going through tables. Not bad but nothing great at all. It’s nothing more than a way to catch your breath before the main event and there’s not a thing wrong with that. Not bad but nothing we haven’t seen before.

Brisco comes in and throws out some crotch chops at the Dudleys and say it with me, gets a 3D for his troubles.

Another His Judgment Day is Coming video, which changes into His Judgment Day is Here. This is set to American Bad Ass by Kid Rock and had been airing for a few weeks now. WHY DID I NOT GO TO THIS SHOW???

The graphic for the main event is shown and the fans pop big. We recap Rock vs. HHH which is a feud that has gone on for like ever. Rock FINALLY won the title back the previous month at Backlash after HHH escaped Mania with it. This is considered the third chapter in their feud even though it’s their second one on one match in this feud. Shawn is the guest referee due to his experience in Iron Man matches. There’s history here as the last time Shawn was seen he kicked Rock to cost him the title. Both guys have threatened Shawn if he screws them. This video goes on forever and basically is both guys saying ONE HOUR.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. HHH

Iron Man match and if there’s a tie Rock keeps the title. HHH comes out with all three McMahons. He actually sends the McMahons to the back to fight on his own. Wow indeed. Rock gets a great reaction. Remember this is an hour long so expect a lot of writing for this one. Here we go. There’s a clock in the upper left hand corner of the screen so we have an idea of what’s coming here. And never mind as it’s gone.

Staredown and trash talking to start us off here. Huge pop for the lock up. No one can get an advantage but they have a ton of time in this. Rock is swearing a lot in this. We’re about two minutes in and there hasn’t been any real offense by either guy yet. Rock grabs a headlock to get a tiny advantage early on. Top wristlock battle goes to the Rock and it’s back to the headlock.

Rock gets a trio of twos on rollups so HHH hits the floor to clear his head. They talk about playing the clock which is very true indeed. The smart thing to do would be to bring handcuffs and chain a guy up outside and get like 100 ten counts. Back in and we hit the headlock again. Big punch sends HHH back to the floor again. Back in and back to the headlock, which makes sense here.

HHH tries a leap frog so Rock hits him in the face. He avoids the Rock Bottom and takes Rock down via a clothesline. HHH works on the arm as we haven’t had the clock since the very beginning so it’s kind of hard to say how much time last gone by. Rock starts fighting back but walks into a DDT on the arm to be put back in trouble. Ah there’s the clock and we have just over 50 minutes to go.

More right hands by Rock and HHH hits the ropes. ROCK BOTTOM OUT OF NOWHERE and Rock is up 1-0! Crowd pops huge for the first fall as that was incredibly sudden. HHH isn’t up yet and we have 49 minutes to go. Jerry points out that Rock is more or less up 2-0 as HHH has to beat him, not tie him.

We head to the floor and brawl up the aisle with HHH going into the railing. Rock suplexes HHH back in to get two. Shawn has been a nonfactor so far. Rock wraps HHH’s leg around the post and is dominating at the moment. A lot more knee work by the Rock and HHH is in big trouble. Rock goes back to the knee even more.

Here comes a Figure Four and HHH is screaming OH SHIT OW! We get into the always interesting debate over should HHH give up to break the hold or try to fight out of it. Rock gets three two counts here as HHH needs a break badly. There’s a reversal so he managed to get said break. His leg is almost destroyed though.

Out to the floor and HHH can barely walk. We fight into the crowd for a bit with Rock landing in some big shots. Back to ringside now with HHH in control. We’re past 20 minutes in now. Sorry for the lack of time details but they don’t put it up so I can’t keep up with it that well.

An elbow gets two for HHH. Actually he gets a bunch of twos here. HHH hammers in the corner but Rock gets some kicks to the knee as he’s using some psychology. He gets thrown to the floor for his efforts though and the count is on. HHH breaks up the count and gets thrown knees first into the steps to reinjure them.

Back in and Rock stays on the knee. HHH hammers away but Rock gets a knee crusher to break that up. Rock wants another Figure Four but HHH shoves him off and gets a Pedigree out of nowhere (that’s been happening a lot in this match) to tie it up with 34:30 to go. Instead of covering again he chokes Rock for no apparent reason. Rock is mostly dead on his feet so HHH ducks down into a small package to get his second pin in 67 seconds to take the lead! 33:23 left.

We hit the floor and Rock is sent into the barricade. Rock walks up the aisle as HHH follows him in an attempt to get some breath. HHH catches him but Rock whips him into the set. Rock tries a suplex but HHH counters into one of his own to take Rock down. Both guys are down in the aisle and we pass thirty minutes. This is the longest match either guy has ever had apparently.

Rock whips him into the apron and gets a backdrop to go after his back a bit. Shawn is yelling at the announcers, saying there won’t be any BS countouts. Rock sends him in but puts his head down, getting caught by a facebuster. A Piledriver of all things (Lawler loves it) gives HHH a 3-1 lead with 27:30 to go. Shawn screws up as HHH is still laying on Rock but Shawn doesn’t count.

Rock gets a huge clothesline out of nowhere but HHH takes his head off for two. The guys are starting to get tired but it’s nothing serious yet. HHH goes up but Rock slams/arm drags him off the top. Both guys down now with 25 minutes left. Rock is up first and he SMACKS HHH with some rights. The Rock: laying out justice with his fists.

La Magistrol (a Mexican cradle that Eddie often used) gets two for Rock. Rock might have a small cut on his forehead. There’s a sleeper by HHH which as JR and I agree on, is a smart move. Rock gets his arm up before the third drop so HHH channels his inner Flair and puts his feet on the ropes. Repeat the last sentence but this time Shawn catches HHH and breaks up the hold.

Rock fights up and gets some right hands. Another sleeper is blocked into a belly to belly but both guys are down. Rock tries the spinning DDT that he used as Rocky Maivia. That is botched to hell and back as instead of a DDT Rock loses his grip. He settles for a regular DDT instead and it’s 3-2 with HHH still in the lead at 19:20 to go. They’re mixing things up here as we’ve had five falls and two have been off finishers.

Out to the floor again and Rock drops him on the barrier. HHH grabs a chair but Shawn grabs it away from him. Rock sends him shoulder first into the steps. Back in the ring and HHH blasts Rock with the chair for the DQ to tie it up at just over 16 minutes left. Since Rock is out cold, HHH throws out a rollup to go up 4-3 at just under 16 minutes. That my friends, is psychology.

Rock is busted open now. 15 minutes left and Shawn looks at the cut which is nothing bad at all. HHH throws on a sleeper again which of course gets two arm drops. Rock fights back with punches but the sleeper goes on again and this time it actually gets a fall, giving HHH a 5-3 lead with about 12:30 to go. HHH won’t let go so Shawn makes him break the hold. Shawn gets in his face and HHH doesn’t like that in the slightest.

The argument lets Rock get to his feet and it’s time for more punching. HHH gets sent over the top rope, landing on a cameraman to give us the eternally funny view of the camera flying everywhere. Ten minutes to go and HHH goes up top. Being a heel he gets crotched and it’s a superplex by Rock to get the crowd right back into it. 8:45 to go.

Both guys are down and the count is on. Rock drapes an arm over but can only get a long two. 8 minutes left. HHH gets knocked to the floor and Rock lands a slingshot to put HHH into the post. The Great One gets sent into the steps and both guys are down with six minutes to go. And now, for the announce table.

Five minutes left and HHH wants the Rock Bottom on the table. Rock counters into a Pedigree and the table doesn’t break! FREAKING OW MAN! HHH is more or less dead so Rock slides in and it’s a countout for the Rock to make it 5-4 at 3:50 to go. HHH is bleeding now too. Here come the McMahons! Shawn starts the count again and HHH beats it by a second.

Rock is all fired up and they crank this up again. DDT gets two as Rock drills both McMahon men. Spinebuster sets up the People’s Elbow and we’re tied up with 2 minutes to go! DX is here too. Shane pulls Shawn to the floor so Shawn beats up both McMahon men as well. There’s a strange noise in the arena and DX is in the ring. Shawn gets knocked to the floor, and a video appears on the screen.

It’s the nursery rhyme video from earlier and Rock gets a Rock Bottom. DX and Shane beats the hell out of him and Shane gets a big chair shot. The funny thing about the video at this point is someone was covering up the letter I in “Is NOW” so I thought the video said Snow, making me wonder why Al Snow was here.

Anyway in case you’re a fucking moron, it’s the Undertaker and the debut of the American Bad Ass. The song saying “He’s here!” just as we got the first shot of Taker on the motorcycle couldn’t have been more perfect. The crowd loses their fucking minds as Taker annihilates DX and the McMahons, including the BIGGEST CHOKESLAM EVER to X-Pac. Serves you right you little bitch. Everyone gets drilled including Vince.

Stephanie tries to be the hero but Taker grabs her by the throat too. HHH makes the save and gets a chokeslam for his troubles. Now this is where they fuck it up. The clock shows about 5 seconds left as HHH is chokeslamed. Shawn sees this but Taker gets a Tombstone as well, clearly after the time (the clock disappeared with 3 seconds left) expired and the buzzer sounded late. Taker waited for the buzzer to go off to hit the Tombstone, but Shawn calls a DQ anyway and HHH wins the title. The chokeslam would have been enough for the DQ, but the way they ended it kind of screwed things up.

Rating: A. This was FUN. They realized they fucked up in 96 so this time they made it all about can you top this with the fast pace and most importantly, NO DAMN REST HOLDS! I have zero problem with guys being out there for 40 minutes and needing 60 seconds to catch their breath, but in 96 the match was probably 20 minutes resting.

This was a fast paced match between two stallions and the whole thing came out great. The ending was a bit botched but it was insane enough that the fans ate it up with a spoon. Another important thing was the lack of finishers. It wouldn’t make sense for them to be able to kick out of everything after such a war so they didn’t insult our intelligence by having them do it. Excellent match that flew by.

Overall Rating: A. GREAT show here with not a bad match to be found. 2000 might be the best year the company ever had and this is a great example of it. Everyone was working hard out there and the results are proof as to what hard work can do. There isn’t a bad match on the card with even the worst match being ok. The company was hot as hell at this point and WCW was already decaying in their grave. Great show and definitely worth checking out.

 

[shooter_mcgavin]

The Main event for WM2000 should have been the Judgment Day 2000 main event (+ a clean win by The Rock) ... considering that Anaheim was the venue it should have made most sense.

 

[klunderbunker]

Judgment Day 2001
Date: May 20, 2011
Location: ARCO Arena, Sacramento, California
Attendance: 13,623
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

This is more or less the last match on PPV for the Two Man Power Trip as the following night HHH would tear his quad in the tag match vs. Benoit/Jericho. Tonight though he’s defending the IC Title against Kane while the main event is Taker vs. Austin in a no holds barred match for the world title. Other than that we have the final match in Chyna’s WWF career and Angle vs. Benoit, 2/3 falls. Can’t go wrong there. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is of a bearded man in front of a church talking about this being the end of times and all that jazz. Nothing special at all here.

The theme of the set is of big hourglasses as time is running out and the end is near. How poetic.

William Regal vs. Rikishi

Regal is Commissioner here still. Prematch we hear Regal saying that Rikishi gave Stephanie a Stinkface and tonight he’ll avenge her. Rikishi is all pissed off here. I guess that whole attempted murderer thing is forgiven. Rikishi has a bad shoulder though so it’s hard to say how well he’ll be able to do here. The fat man hammers away and Regal is in trouble early. Stinkface is attempted but Regal gets a low blow in to take over.

Loud Regal Sucks chant starts up. Rikishi tries an ass drop on Regal but the English dude moves. This is what they picked for an opener? Really? Rikishi gets a leg drop for two and there’s the Stinkface. I hate stuff like that, I truly do. Regal dry heaves for a bit on the floor and the look on his face is priceless. Regal is busted open. Rikishi misses a charge into the corner and posts the bad shoulder. The Regal Cutter (that neckbreaker he does where he pulls the other guys’ arm around their own neck) ends this quickly.

Rating: D+. What was the point to this? Isn’t this something that belong on Smackdown or Raw? Stephanie is avenged I guess but at the same time did we need to have this on a PPV/ At least it was in the opening spot I guess, but damn dude, give us something better than this. Not a bad match but nothing I have any interest in at all.

Christian and Edge are talking. Tonight they have a tag team turmoil match with the winner getting a title shot. Jericho has a mystery partner and if you read the intro you know both what happens and who wins. Angle pops up and says if the 2/3 falls match he has with Benoit goes to a third fall it’s a ladder match. Edge says don’t fall off because it sucks. Christian adds that if you do, make sure you have your medals which I guess is what this is about. Yeah he’s not wearing them at the moment.

HHH and Stephanie get here and are greeted by Vince. Vince wants to know why HHH and Austin involved Taker’s wife Sarah. If I remember right someone told Taker that Sarah had been in a car wreck and Taker left to check on her. It turned out Austin faked the whole thing. I don’t think a reason was given other than to attack Kane. Vince wants to know why HHH and Austin would mess with the sanctity of marriage. Yes it’s meant to be funny.

We recap Angle vs. Benoit. This is the time where Benoit stole the medals and Angle started losing his mind. I love how Kurt is willing to put his property on the line in a wrestling match. Benoit put the medals in his ball sack of all things. Angle stole them back and kissed them, but then Benoit put him in the crossface and he had to drop them to tap. Tonight the first fall is pin only, second is submission only, third is ladder.

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

Kurt grabs the mic before he starts. He says that tonight the gold medals are coming home. The crowd says he sucks so he says shut up. Tonight the medals go from against Benoit’s genitals to around his neck where they belong. Angle makes fun of the Sacramento Kings, the NBA team in town. Making fun of sports teams heat is still heat.

Nice pop for Benoit. Benoit takes the medals out and Angle jumps him. It’s aggressive Kurt tonight as he hammers away with the Rolling Germans. Angle goes up but misses a splash/headbutt and Benoit hits an Angle Slam and it’s 1-0 maybe a minute in. Damn that came out of nowhere. Crossface goes on almost immediately but Kurt gets a rope. This one is submission only remember.

Angle goes into the steps a few times as it’s all Benoit. Now he goes into the post. This hasn’t been a good 2 minutes for him so far. Benoit misses a chop so Kurt picks him up and rams him balls first into the post to shift momentum and Benoit’s voice range drastically. The fans are all over Angle here. Back in the ring and Angle tries the ankle lock but Benoit grabs the rope.

Another attempt fails and Benoit can’t get it either. He does however get a quick crossface which gets him nowhere. After a quick nothing on the floor it’s back in and Angle rakes the eyes to take over again. They’re clearly just going through stuff here but it’s not bad at all. Angle hits a belly to belly as Benoit is in trouble. Benoit reverses a whip in and almost gets another crossface but a rope is grabbed.

Angle grabs the ankle but Benoit grabs the ankle. That’s the idea here obviously: both guys are trying to grab their signature holds but neither can keep it on for any significant time at all. Out of instinct Angle tries a rollup which of course doesn’t count. Angle grabs something close to a knee bar but Benoit is in the ropes again. The referee threatens a DQ which kind of negates the whole SUBMISSION ONLY thing.

Benoit grabs a quick Liontamer of all things which doesn’t work very long but it got a great reaction. Spinning toe hold goes into a figure four but not a very good one. They roll over a few times and Benoit won’t break in the ropes. Oh never mind yes he does. Benoit focuses on the knee now which is good. It’s stupid for Benoit to do a bunch of leg work and then to try the Crossface unless it’s right there. That’s psychology there people.

Dragon screw leg whip and an ankle lock by Benoit almost works. JR: “If these ropes were a woman Angle would be going steady.” Good line. We head to the floor and Benoit is in trouble. Never mind as they’re back in already. They’re moving very quickly here. DDT by Benoit but Angle pops up and hits the Angle Slam. Uh….ok. Ankle Lock goes on and Benoit taps immediately. You could argue there that Benoit tapped that fast because he wanted his ankle to be ok for the ladder match.

The medals are hooked up and raised again. The guys are back on the floor with Benoit going into the steps. Angle brings in a ladder which is read and only 6’0 tall. That’s not something you often see here. Benoit knocks him down and gets a regular ladder but Angle rips Benoit down. Angle charges with the ladder but Benoit ducks and the ladder and Angle go to the floor.

Benoit gets it and instead of going up he hammers on Angle a bit. Such a nice psychopath. Angle somehow gets up and stops Benoit with a lot blow to take over again. The ladder is in the corner and both guys are rammed into it/crushed by it. Benoit in control at the moment. The ladder gets wedged between the top and middle ropes like you often see done with chairs and Benoit goes chest first into it.

Angle gets a suplex to throw Benoit into the ladder and the Canadian is in trouble. Scratch that as Benoit is able to seesaw the ladder and drive it into Angle’s face. He puts the ladder on top of Angle and climbs. For some reason Benoit climbs down for most stomping. He goes up again and Angle is able to shove him off. Benoit grabs a Crossface out of nowhere but here are Edge and Christian. Their distraction is enough to let Angle go up and get his medals back to win the match.

Rating: A-. Very solid stuff here but dude, it’s Benoit vs. Angle. Were you expecting anything other than a classic? 2/3 falls from these guys is something that you really can’t get wrong. They did their stuff out there and it was of course awesome. There isn’t much else to say here. It’s a great match but that’s par for the course with these two.

Taker runs into Regal’s office and wants his match with Austin to be No Holds Barred. Regal is terrified and says he’ll do it.

Jerry Lynn, the Light Heavyweight Champion, is at WWF New York and isn’t happy with being there instead of on PPV. He gets on JR and JR denies knowing why Lynn was talking to him.

Hardcore Title: Test vs. Rhyno vs. Big Show

Rhyno has the title here. Test cost Big Show a match with Shane last month so there’s a history there. Test and Show go at it early before Rhyno gets here. Rhyno takes his time to get here which is kind of stupid. He tries to get some steps but can’t get them unhooked in a funny moment. Rhyno charges at Show on the floor but runs into a boot and we hit the crowd.

Show rams Test into a wall and is looking for Rhyno. Oh there he is. Test grabs something to choke Show out with and Show is going down quickly. Rhyno tries to launch a cart of anvil cases at Show and it might have hit him in the head. Rhyno vs. Test now with the taller one in control. And then the real taller one shows up and hammers both of them down.

Show tries to chokeslam Test onto some pallets but Rhyno saves. Rhyno and Test manage to knock Show down onto said pallets and is hurt bad. Test and Rhyno run away so they can have a one on one without Show there. That’s rather smart actually. Back into the arena now and even back to ringside. Test is rammed into a post and Rhyno grabs a weapon or two.

Back in the ring and Test punches the trashcan lid that Rhyno had back into his face. The fans chant for Show. Rhyno gets a DDT onto the trashcan lid for two. Show is back and Rhyno takes a HUGE chokeslam but Test kicks Show down for two. Gore to Show and Test adds a trashcan lid shot to Rhyno for two. Fire extinguisher comes into play and Show is down. Rhyno throws Test to the floor and throws a trashcan to Show. A “Gore” (read as a tackle) to Show pins him and Rhyno retains.

Rating: D+. What were you really expecting here? This is every other hardcore match you would see in this era and there’s not a single special aspect to it. Rhyno would be champion a little while longer until RVD showed up and he and Jeff Hardy traded the title a bunch. This was just there to fill in space more or less as the novelty was completely gone.

Regal can’t bring himself to speak to Austin about the no holds barred aspect.

Lita is stretching while the Hardys give her encouragement. Eddie comes in to offer her advice against Lita.

Regal manages to go in and tells Austin about the stipulation and Austin is ok with it.

We recap Chyna vs. Lita. In short Chyna won the title and no one could challenge her. Then there was Lita left. They were partners and Chyna more or less patronized her like she had no chance against Chyna in their match.

Women’s Title: Chyna vs. Lita

Lita is insanely over here. And here’s Chyna looking like a damn peacock. That’s JR’s term, not mine. They hug before the match as I guess Lita is ok with Chyna being a bitch to her and not seeming to take this seriously at all. This is power vs. speed here and both use their own better attribute to take over for a bit. Lita tries to help Chyna up and gets rolled up for two. Ok so she’s hot but not incredibly smart. Got it.

Chyna overpowers the match with ease to start but Lita gets a DDT for two. She finally wakes up and hammers away on Chyna. Middle rope clothesline gets two. Lita goes for the arm as this is getting sloppy. The fans are still in it though so they have that at least. Swinging neckbreaker by Chyna sets up a powerslam for two.

Lita channels her inner Alberto by hooking up a rolling cross armbreaker and Chyna is in real trouble all of a sudden. Chyna reverses into a headscissors and here’s Eddie for no apparent reason. She tries a powerbomb but Lita reverses into a horrible looking rana for two. And then a powerbomb by Chyna ends this clean. Nothing from Eddie other than standing there and Chyna more or less didn’t break a sweat.

Rating: D. This was supposed to be the big showdown? Chyna destroyed Lita here and made her look like a joke. This was Chyna’s last match in the company as she was taken off TV and the title was held up. She held the title until November anyway so there simply were no title matches for about six months. In short, Chyna destroyed the division and it took Trish and Lita to bring it back to whatever it was. Oh and this match was awful.

Angle is fired up about winning the medals and says that this is just beginning. Tomorrow he’s going to have an Olympic Medal ceremony. He thanks Edge and Christian and leaves. Edge says it was to get Kurt to shut up.

Vince gives HHH and Austin a pep talk.

We recap HHH vs. Kane. These feuds can be combined into one actually. The Hardys and Lita had been the ones to stand up to the Two Man Power Trip and in short, they got their asses kicked. Austin/HHH were about to destroy Lita when Taker and Kane popped up as the cavalry. They were tag champions at the time and the main event of Backlash was the obvious tag match with all the titles on the line (HHH was IC Champion at this time if that wasn’t clear). The Two Man Power Trip had injured Kane’s arm which was what caused the tag title change. The feuds then split into two single feuds, playing out tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Kane vs. HHH

This is the version where you’re joined at the wrist but you win by pin/submission thank goodness. Kane brings the chain and still has the bad left arm. HHH jumps Kane before they’re attached and the fight is on. Like an intelligent man, HHH goes after the BIG BANDAGE on the arm. To the floor with HHH ramming Kane’s arm into various steel objects.

Back in the ring and HHH attaches the chain at the wrists. This gives Kane a chance to get up though and he whips away at HHH. Wisely though HHH pulls on the chain which pulls at Kane’s bad arm to reshift the momentum. The Game goes up top and hits a double axe for two. Apparently you can only win by pinfall. Eh it’s not like they use submissions anyway I guess.

Out to the floor again for more dominance by HHH. He sends Kane back into the ring and grabs a chair but Kane pulls on the chain and it rams HHH’s head into the chair and busts him open BAD. Kane wakes up now and Katie Vick’s best friend is on offense. He chokes away with the chain and it’s back out to the floor again.

HHH gets hung over the top rope via the chain as it’s almost all Kane at this point. He goes up but HHH pulls the chain and the Big Fried Freak comes flying down. Back to the floor again with HHH being thrown into the crowd. After some brief offense by HHH, Kane slams him off the railing and back to ringside.

Back in the Pedigree is blocked and Kane gets a low blow. Big shot with the chain puts the Game down. Top rope chain shot by Kane sets up the chokeslam but here’s Austin. He’s out before I can finish that sentence though and HHH gets a low blow. Austin however grabs a chair to swing at Kane but hits HHH in the head (kind of. It was more like he swung too high and hit both guys at once). Kane dumps Austin and covers HHH for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. Just ok here with these two guys having a severe lack of chemistry. It’s passable but at the same time there’s nothing special going on here at all. The chain thing was pretty pointless and didn’t really play into the ending at all for the most part. This could have been no holds barred but they were doing that in the main event so I can let that slide. Not much here though but it could have been worse.

We still don’t know who Jericho’s tag partner is and he hints that it’s Coach. He says his partner is a real party animal. Oh damn he picked Percy Watson. Jericho says that if they don’t win, they’re at least taking Edge and Christian with them.

HHH rants about Austin and Vince says keep it together.

Tag Team Turmoil

It’s a tag team gauntlet match with the winners being #1 contenders. We open with APA vs. Dean Malenko/Perry Saturn. There are seven teams total in this. The Radicalz spring into the ring with Saturn suplexing Farrooq for no cover. Dean vs. Farrooq to start us off officially. Double clothesline puts both guys down. Another suplex to Bradshaw but Farrooq hits Saturn with a big old spinebuster and this doesn’t make it to two minutes.

Dudleys in next. To the shock of no one this is a brawl to start us off. Powerslam by Farrooq to D-Von gets two. Spike is here with the Dudleys. Off to Bubba now and the Dudleys control. Off to Bradshaw who beats up the Bully. Clothesline from Hell misses and Bubba lands a side slam for two and it’s back off to D-Von. Damn when did I become such a play by play man?

The fans want tables. Fallaway slam puts D-Von down as Bradshaw takes over again. Everything breaks down with Bubba and Farrooq hitting the floor. That doesn’t last long though as Bradshaw gets caught in a Doomsday Device and then What’s Up to Farrooq. It’s Table Time but Bob Holly of all people shows up to hit the Alabama Slam to D-Von. Clothesline from Hell ends Farrooq in the ring and the APA advances again.

Next up is X-Factor, which means Justin Credible and a clean shaven X-Pac. Albert, the third part of the group, is on the floor. Farrooq vs. X-Pac to start for a bit and now it’s off to Bradshaw. Bradshaw easily overpowers him as you would expect so it’s off to Justin now. Out to the floor where Albert, the guy that would actually win the IC Title from Kane, takes Bradshaw down for Justin.

Farrooq comes in now as the APA is getting a bit tired here. Leg Drop gets two. Why in the world was X-Pac given a stable of his own? Who thought that was a good idea? Nice powerslam by Farrooq gets two and it’s off to the future JBL. Bradshaw tries the fallaway slam to Pac but Albert trips him up and holds the foot down to eliminate the APA.

In fifth are the Hardys. Damn no Lita. Matt is European Champion here. The Hardys dominate to start with Justin in trouble. Pac pulls the rope down and Jeff goes sailing to the floor. To be fair he’s probably high already so he didn’t feel a damn thing. Pac comes in and hits Jeff with the Bronco Buster. Ross says he’s graduated from Sidekick School. Is Marty Jannetty the mascot?

Medium tag to Matt who cleans house. Poetry in Motion sets up the Swanton but Albert pulls Matt out. Jeff takes out Matt and Albert in a big dive. A superkick from Justin to Matt gets rid of the Hardys in an upset. Jericho and his mystery partner are in next. He comes out on his own first but waves out Chris Benoit. Well I think we know the winners already here.

They storm the ring and the fight is on. Jericho knocks Albert down but tries to dive on him and is rammed into the post. Remember that this is technically Benoit’s fourth match in about two hours. The traditional tagging part begins with Pac vs. Benoit with Jericho down on the floor. Benoit is sitting in the corner and Justin manages to pick him up by his legs and hits a sitout powerbomb for two.

We hit the chinlock which Benoit fights out of with relative ease. Pac vs. Benoit again as Jericho hasn’t been in legally yet. He takes way too long setting up the Bronco Buster and Benoit moves, allowing him to bring in Jericho. The Canadian cleans house and chops away on Pac. Middle rope dropkick gets two for Jericho and we get some mild heel miscommunication.

Albert beats up Benoit on the floor and the referee is taken down. X-Factor hits double superkicks to Jericho but they only get two. They try a double team move but Benoit crotches X-Pac. Albert comes in and that doesn’t go well for baldie. Double suplex to Justin sets up the double submission on X-Factor. The final pairing is Benoit/Jericho vs. Edge/Christian. What a shocker.

Benoit gets dropped face first into the steps by Christian while it’s Jericho vs. Edge in the ring. Christian vs. Jericho at the moment as this is a very Canadian heavy match. I’m a bit confused as Jericho and Benoit were in a different corner against X-Pac than they are now. Jericho is bleeding from the mouth a bit as we’re back to the chinlock by Edge at this point.

Christian gets a backbreaker for two on Jericho as apparently the referee is Canadian too. Edge hammers away on Jericho but misses a dropkick. Lionsault gets knees though so we’re not done yet. Edge gets slammed into the mat and it’s off to Benoit. He ducks an incoming Christian who hits Edge by mistake and then gets a HUGE German on Christian for two.

Everything breaks down and the team that used to be brothers but are now friends take over again. They try a double team move but Jericho intercepts Edge and it’s a Doomsday Device with Benoit hitting a dropkick on Christian. Edge saves and DDTs Benoit for no cover. Out to the floor and Edge and Christian grab chairs. Stereo baseball slides take care of them though and the other Canadians pick up the chairs.

Edge spears Benoit and Jericho gets rolled up for two. Edge and Christian grab the chairs again but Benoit ducks and grabs the Crossface out of nowhere on Christian. Edge is taken out by Jericho and Benoit makes Christian tap to earn the spot against Austin and HHH which they would use in an epic match the next night on Raw.

Rating: B. That’s for the whole thing. Some of it was indeed kind of stupid but at the same time the ending match was great. This was one of the better matches of this kind that you’ll see as other than the first fall, everything could have at least been on Raw. This was perfectly fine and it worked rather well I thought. Fun stuff.

We recap Austin vs. Taker. Read the Kane vs. HHH recap but here the idea is that Austin is power crazed and made a fake phone call to Taker, telling him that his wife was in a bad car wreck so that Austin and HHH could beat on Kane with no worries of Taker. This didn’t go well as tonight it’s time for Taker’s revenge.

Here’s Vince as JR messes up Vince’s job title. Apparently the boss will be joining us on commentary.

WWF World Title: The Undertaker vs. Steve Austin

This is no holds barred remember. Could these two PLEASE have a good match? They have some of the worst chemistry you’ll ever find but hopefully they can get something going here. Taker jumps the champion in the aisle and the fight is on. All Taker so far as it’s Revenge Mode Taker here. He manages to hit Old School on the floor using the railing. That was rather different.

Back out to the floor again after about 8 seconds in the ring. Austin tries to whip Taker into the railing which gets him nowhere at all. Fire extinguisher to the face of the champion and Austin is reeling. Back the to ring but Taker gives Austin a chance to breathe by grabbing a chair. Austin manages to fight back a bit and hitting a neckbreaker. He goes for the knee but misses a chair shot and here comes Taker again.

Big clothesline sets up a powerslam attempt but Austin escapes. Stunner doesn’t work and a big boot from Taker gets two. Back to the floor one more time and Taker goes after Vince, allowing Austin to get a shot in to take over a bit. He wraps Taker’s left leg around the post multiple times. Ross keeps ranting about how Austin changed and Heyman says Austin said for four years “Don’t Trust Anybody.” Ross of course has nothing but tries to say Heyman doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I love Heyman at times.

Back in the ring again and Austin works on the knee even more. Austin grabs a leg lock and Taker rams his head with elbows. A pair of low blows puts Taker right back down as the fans chant that Austin Sucks. Taker uses the good leg to ram Austin’s head and he’s on his feet now. He has one good leg though so he sends Austin to the floor for a bit. What an original idea in this match.

It’s table time as Heyman tells Taker that the Spanish guys are over there in a funny line. Chokeslam through the table and Austin is in trouble. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE DIET SODAS??? Austin’s back is bleeding as he kicks out at two in the ring from that chokeslam. Wow that was a badly written sentence. Elbow drop gets two and the fans are into this. Vince is off commentary now.

We hit the floor for I think the fifth time in about fifteen minutes and Austin hits Taker with a monitor to take over. Taker is busted now. Back in the ring and they slug it out. Taker sends him into the ropes but gets caught by a Lou Thesz Press which is booed out of the building. I could do without Ross saying “who is this man” and the like.

Austin gets a low blow and it’s clear both of them are getting tired. He does that move where the other guy is in a 619 position and he runs at them to jump on their back. What is that move called anyway? Heyman points out he does know both of these guys as he managed both of them early in the year. Sleeper by Austin as JR needs to stop running his mouth.

Taker reverses with a suplex but Austin cracks him with the chair to put him down one more time. Now the fans like Austin. This is an odd crowd. Austin sets for the Stunner so Taker flips him off. Stunner gets two and a big pop for the kickout. Austin wears him out with the chair which apparently doesn’t do much since Taker hits the chokeslam a few seconds later.

Instead of covering though Austin grabs the chair and beats Austin a few times with it. Ok make it a lot of times. HHH comes down with the sledgehammer and gets beaten down as well. Taker covers Austin but Vince breaks it up. He beats on the boss and manages to avoid an Austin chair shot which ends Vince. Sledgehammer to the head of Taker ends it as Kane’s pyro and music hits. NICE TIMING LITTLE BROTHER!

Rating: C. Nothing great at all here but it’s one of their better matches. The booking at the end makes some sense I guess but I’m still not a fan of it. WAY too much going to the floor here but overall the match worked pretty well. Taker looked pretty good out there as did Austin. Not that any of that matters as due to HHH being injured they had to hotshot the Alliance but what are you going to do?

Overall Rating: C+. Not an awful show but really nothing great. There’s nothing worth going out of your way to see other than maybe Angle vs. Benoit. Those two have had FAR better matches though so it’s nothing that’s required viewing. The company was clearly going down slightly at this point but the Invasion would help a bit. Anyway, nothing special here and not really worth seeing.

 

[klunderbunker]

Judgment Day 2002
Date: May 19, 2002
Location: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Attendance: 14,521
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re firmly on the other side of the glory years here. However coming into this show the Undisputed WWE Championship is Hulk Hogan and he defends against the Undertaker. Also on the card we have a forgotten Hell in a Cell match with HHH vs. Chris Jericho. This looks decent on paper but in reality something tells me it’s not going to go that well, as most shows from this era didn’t. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is almost creepy, as we see some people from what looks like the Salem Witch Trials being ready to go to the gallows and a voiceover talking about how what do you in life determines what happens

Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Rob Van Dam

Eddie is champion coming in here and this is the second match in a series of I think three, the final of which being a ladder match. They talk some trash and Van Dam grabs a headlock to start. They speed things up to start with Van Dam getting a powerslam for two. Eddie hits the floor and is all frustrated. Back in with Eddie taking over with some shots.

Van Dam fakes Eddie out with what would have been a cross body off the second rope and hits a split legged moonsault in a nice move. Suplex gets two for RVD. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for Van Dam. He tries a surfboard but Eddies gets to the ropes. RVD drops an elbow on the back which has been his focal point so far. There’s the surfboard with Eddie in trouble.

After Eddie gets two with that, Van Dam kicks Eddie into the air out of a surfboard and rolls out to let Eddie hit the mat. Eddie finally gets a right hand in to take over for the first time all match. He chokes away in the corner and heads to the outside to get in some offense while Van Dam is on the apron. Back in now with Eddie firmly in control.

Rob gets a monkey flip to send Eddie flying onto his back again and adds some shoulders to the back. Another monkey flip sends Eddie down again as momentum shifts. Rolling Thunder gets two. The stepover spin kick by RVD sets up what was going to be the Five Star I guess but Eddie crotches him. A powerbomb out of the corner gets no cover for Eddie.

Guerrero goes up for the Frog Splash which is the point of this match: the battle of the frog splashes. Eddie takes too much time since he’s a heel and Van Dam rolls away. Another kick puts Eddie down but the Five Star misses. Both guys get up slowly and Eddie is all fired up. They speed it up again and Van Dam gets a cross body for two. Backslide gets the same for RVD but Eddie’s gets three. Granted he had his feet on the ropes but then again he likes to cheat.

Rating: B-. Decent match here and not bad for an opener. They would fight again very soon on Raw with Van Dam getting the title in a much better match. Still though this wasn’t bad as both guys looked pretty good out there. Remember when the IC Title was the wrestlers’ title? I miss those days.

Reverend D-Von says it’s time for prayer. He’s with Deacon Batista, Stacy (HOT!) and Vince. He’s managing Stacy in her match against Trish. The Dudleys are feuding here and no one cared, much like now.

Add for the new WWE, which has “gotten the F out”. Get it?

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Stacy Keibler

Each is going to have a Dudley in their corner for reasons of bad writing. Molly vs. Trish had been built up for months but they went with this instead because they picked the Dudley feud to be the better draw. Trish interrupted a swimsuit contest to set this up on Thursday. Well at least we get D-Von’s music. Aww man they hadn’t changed it yet so it’s just organ music. Damn it!

Naturally Bubba Ray Dudley is here. This was right before they were going to build him up as one of the top faces on Raw. Yes, that’s a true story. I’ll wait a bit while you regain consciousness. Stacy throws a kick that hits (read as her foot might have been two feet from Trish’s head, prompting a groan from the crowd) for two. Trish was just ok in the ring at this point and the awful Boston Crab shows that.

Stacy counters and Trish counters that into a rollup for two. This is quickly getting embarrassing, which says a lot as we’re maybe a minute into it. Trish hammers away and Stacy is sent to the floor where she has a fit. Batista comes in and drills Trish (lucky) with a slam that gets two for Stacy. Stacy chokes away and Trish fights back, getting a bulldog (minus springboard) to end this quickly. Terrible match but Stacy looked great.

Post match D-Von offers Bubba a hug but it’s a trap. Batista jumps Bubba and gets thrown to the floor. When will you ever see THAT again? D-Von jumps him and tells Batista to get the tables. Bubba blocks a Batista Bomb but gets drilled by the money box and then put through the table by a double flapjack.

Flair and Arn are talking and Vince comes in. Flair is teaming with Big Show later to fight Austin. They seem like they’re just meeting despite feuding earlier in the year. He says he’ll take control of Austin and Vince hugs him while rolling his eyes. Odd segment to put it mildly.

Hardy Boys vs. Paul Heyman/Brock Lesnar

Brock had debuted the night after Mania and he needed a first feud I guess. He’s been destroying people right and left so this is pretty much a given. Brock doesn’t even have his signature music yet. The Hardys jump Lesnar to do what they can earlier to get at Heyman. That lasts about 4 seconds as Brock just goes off on Jeff to start us off. Ross HATES Heyman here and the commentary is funny stuff.

Brock beats up both guys with ease as neither Hardy can do a damn thing with him. The fans chant for Goldberg. Trust me, you don’t want Lesnar vs. Goldberg. Heyman keeps orgasming over Brock every 2 seconds. Brock destroys Matt with ease as I guess we’re waiting on Jeff to come in. Matt gets a tornado DDT to break the momentum and make Paul terrified. There’s Jeff who hits the Whisper in the Wind and some double teaming puts Brock down for a bit.

Poetry in Motion hits Brock and Lesnar is sent to the floor. Heyman runs as fast as he can but gets caught in the ring by Matt. Poetry in Motion takes him down but Brock ends Matt. Brock stands in front of the Swanton so Jeff dives on him. In the words of Tazz, here comes the pain. HUGE F5 puts Jeff down and Heyman gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here as the Hardys best stuff got nothing in there on Brock. They were there to make Brock look good and that’s what they did. Brock would be King of the Ring in the next month and therefore the #1 contender for the eventual Champion The Rock at Summerslam where he would become a star.

Booker is glad to be part of the NWO. This didn’t last long and they pulled the plug on it very soon due to reasons of suck. Booker talks to some random chick who whispers a place she wants Booker to autograph in his ear.

There’s a hair vs. hair match later with Edge vs. Angle so we look at the barber stuff.

We recap Austin vs. Flair/Big Show. This was about Flair vs. Austin with Austin not wanting to be on Flair’s (he was co-owner of the company) brand. Flair was a guest referee and accidently screwed Austin over as he didn’t see Austin’s foot on the rope in a #1 contenders match. Show came in as the enforcer dude. Oh and they’re both in the NWO.

Steve Austin vs. Ric Flair/Big Show

Show is in his women’s one piece swimsuit here. Ok apparently Flair isn’t in the NWO. That blue robe really does work on him, but why is the Raw owner wearing the Smackdown color? Also what happened to those robes while he’s in TNA? Is there a reason Austin is in the fourth match of the show? He would bail very soon after this and be gone for months. Austin fights both guys at once even though they have to tag.

Austin actually used double axes instead of punches on Show. Flair gets clotheslined to the floor and Austin gets a figure four on Show. Flair saves as this has been all Austin so far. He gets the figure four on Flair and avoids a leg drop from Show. Steve grabs a chair which is taken away from him. Austin’s solution? Grab another chair. He sits down and flips off the referee to get a nice chuckle out of the crowd.

Flair and Austin officially start us off after Austin beat both guys up for awhile, making them look like idiots. Austin hammers away on Flair who takes a break. Flair finally gets something going with a thumb to the eye and some chops. Austin fires back with some more and chops away with WHAT being shouted every time. Flair begs off. It’s remarkable how much Flair deteriorated in the last ten years. He looks pretty decent here and you know what he looks like now.

Show comes in and Austin isn’t sure what to do here. Austin hammers away but gets his head kicked off with ease. Flair comes back in and they chop away at each other but it’s back to Show who drills him with a powerslam for two. Flair hammers away in the corner and then goes after the knee. Off to Show again who hammers away on the knee some more.

That lasts a few seconds as Flair comes back in and gets rolled up by Austin for two. Flair grabs the Figure Four and curses away a lot. Austin gets up from that with relative ease and they chop it out. Really bad spinebuster sets up another figure four by Austin which again is broken up by Show. Show comes in and runs into some boots and a Thesz Press. Flair gets one as well. X-Pac, another NWO member comes in and Show is stunned. That gets Austin nowhere but Pac kicks Show down and Stunners for all heels allow Austin to pin Flair to end it.

Rating: B. This was pretty good with Austin being very entertaining as usual. Now can someone explain to me why in the world Austin is on in the first hour of the show in a more or less worthless match? This would never be finished as Austin just left due to getting ticked off from this angle. Rather good match here though with Flair still being good back in the day.

We recap Edge vs. Angle. Angle was going to unveil his new t-shirt and it said You Suck. This is where the You Suck chants started. Somehow Lance Storm got roped into modeling the actual shirt. They had a great match at Backlash so this should be awesome. Angle wanted a rematch to get back at Edge and offered the hair vs. hair stipulation. Edge said groovy and here we are. Yeah I’m not saying groovy again. Doesn’t suit me at all.

Kurt Angle vs. Edge

Edge is more or less the hottest thing in the world at this point so this should be awesome. Angle starts off with grappling stuff but gets sent to the floor. Back in Angle stomps away but gets tied up in the ropes. It’s so weird to see pre-neck injury Edge. He spears Kurt as he’s tied up but Kurt escapes and hits a belly to belly to send Edge to the floor. Angle hammers away as this has been back and forth so far.

DDT gets two for Kurt as we’re in a long Angle is in control segment of the match. Off to a chinlock now as we make Finkle jokes. Lawler accidently says WWF as Edge is taken down again by the hair in what could be considered irony but it probably shouldn’t be. Angle throws on a front facelock which goes on for awhile. Edge gets an Edge-O-Matic for two. Angle heads to the apron and Edge hits a dropkick to send Kurt’s face into the apron.

Back in Angle tries the run up the corner belly to belly only to have Edge shove him off and get a missile dropkick for a long two. Belly to belly by Kurt puts Edge down as JR says that was finer than frog hair. Where does he get these things? Edge goes up again and this time he gets caught in the suplex for a VERY long two. Edge busts out a superkick of all things and gets a DDT out of the corner for two.

Spear accidently hits the referee and a suplex puts Edge down. No referee though so Angle grabs a chair. Spear puts Angle down Angle but again no referee. Noticing a theme here? Another spear eats boot and the Angle Slam is countered. ANOTHER spear gets two as the referee is up. Edgecution is reversed and Angle hits a spear of his own and then the Angle Slam for a VERY close two. Ankle lock goes on but Edge kicks him in the head to escape. On it goes again but Edge kicks him off and a small package ends this and signals Kurt’s bald time.

Rating: B. Good match but the spears got annoying. Their match at Backlash was WAY better which is what’s holding this one back. It’s not bad at all and they looked good out there, but at the same time it got a bit repetitive. Edge was getting very awesome very fast at this point and Angle probably had a lot to do with that.

Angle fights back so Edge hits an Edgecution to put him out and take him to the barber’s chair. Angle wakes up and runs.

We go to the hotel that Booker is in with that chick from earlier. She pops up in a black dress and the chick wants the lights off. Various sounds are heard and then Goldust’s voice is heard, saying he wants Booker to leave the NWO and come back to him. Booker gets out of bed and runs off naked. Goldust pulls off the covers and is in a nightgown. Oh dear.

We recap HHH vs. Jericho as the Cell is lowered. This stems from Mania as Jericho is jealous and beat on HHH for a long time, resulting in this. HHH and Stephanie were getting a divorce so Vince jumped on Jericho’s side for this feud.

Oh I forgot to mention that Michael Cole and Tazz have introduced various matches tonight, including this one.

HHH vs. Chris Jericho

They stare it down and slug it out to start with HHH getting the high knee and a backdrop to take over. This is one of the forgotten Cell matches and I think that’s probably due to Jericho having no chance whatsoever here. Out to the floor with Jericho trying to hammer away and failing at that endeavor. Back in and Jericho gets a forearm to take over. Nothing special at all yet but we’re only two minutes into this.

Jericho’s shoulder hits the post and he hits the floor, so of course the referee threatens to count him out. Inside the Cell that is. Do they even get the concept of this match anymore? Jericho goes into the Cell wall and then does it again. Clothesline puts him down as it’s all HHH here. Back in the ring and a suplex gets two. Why are we covering after suplexes in a Cell match?

Jericho whips HHH into the corner and the Game goes flying over the buckle and down to the floor. Back outside again and HHH is sent into the cage. They seem like they don’t have much of a plan here. HHH reverses and Jericho eats cage for the 3rd time in like a minute and a half. Piledriver onto the steps is blocked into a slingshot by Jericho to send HHH into the cage. This is not very interesting at all.

It’s ladder time as we make this a hardcore match because the HELL IN A CELL isn’t enough. Ladder goes into HHH’s face and HHH is busted. Back in the ring the ladder takes HHH down again. At least we’ve gotten to the violent aspect of the match now. HHH goes out to the floor so Jericho throws the ladder at him. Freaking ow man. It’s not good enough for the all caps one but it looked good.

JR says this is the Supreme Court of Gut Checks. Jericho sends HHH into the Cell when he starts getting too feisty. HHH gets a chair to hit the ladder back into the face of Jericho as he charges at HHH with it. Bulldog by Jericho which is a good foot from the ladder but allegedly HHH hit it head first. Whatever. The referee cusses Jericho out for going outside again. That’s rather funny to me for some reason.

Jericho brings the stairs in and HHH grabs a drop toehold to send Jericho face first into them. After a facebuster HHH THROWS THE STEPS at Jericho to send him to the floor. Ok, now it’s ok. FREAKING OW MAN!!! HHH sends Jericho into the ropes but Tim White is there and gets sent into the cage HARD, legitimately injuring him and more or less ending his active career as a referee.

As White is hurt, JR mentions that White has the key. I get that they’re advancing the match with that, but here’s the thing: this match is about staying in the Cell. Why in the world would who has the key make a difference here? They’re supposed to stay in, so why would you mention that? Jericho throws White into the cage arm first which might have been the shoulder injury that put him out. He’s busted too. When do you see a referee bleeding?

Spinebuster takes HHH down as he comes back in but Jericho has the key. It’s not like it matters though as guys come out to open the Cell and check on White. Jericho charges at HHH in the corner with a chair but gets it kicked back into his own face. Sledgehammer shot takes Jericho down but there’s no referee as everyone is checking on White. Jericho crawls out of the Cell and slams the door on the pursuing HHH.

They’re out of the cage now and Jericho takes over. Naturally we hit the Spanish Announce Table and Jericho tries a Pedigree which of course is reversed into a DDT by HHH to destroy the table and leave Jericho laying. We get that Supreme Court metaphor again which is still stupid. HHH finds the barbed wire 2x4 as this is desperately trying to be epic and it’s not there.

Jericho runs up to the top of the Cell rather than like, around the corner of it or something. HHH goes up top with the 2x4 which Jericho gets away and cracks HHH in the back with it. They fight up top for awhile and Jericho grabs the Walls of Jericho up there. Apparently you can tap out up there now. Mike Chioda comes up to the top to check for a submission. They’re making the rules up as they go apparently.

A low blow by HHH keeps himself from getting caught by another shot from the 2x4. I guess Jericho saw a pretty bunny instead of keeping the hold on. Jerry says HHH and Jericho must have seen that match where Foley flew through the Cell off a backdrop. No shit King REALLY??? You think HHH might have seen it??? YOU THINK SO??? A backdrop saves Jericho from the Pedigree which is what brought that on if you were wondering. Anyway a 2x4 shot to the head and the Pedigree up top on the Cell ends it.

Rating: B. Well they tried but at the same time this was full of issues the entire time. First and foremost, there was never any doubt at all that it would be HHH winning. Second, the rules changing hurt it a lot. Third, Tim White needs to shut up with the telling them to stay in the ring. It’s a war, not under Marquis of Queensbury rules. Either way, this was good but it’s NOTHING compared to the other Cell matches that came before it for the most part.

Angle pretends to be a woman to hide from Edge who doesn’t fall from it. I give up.

We get a messed up WWE Get the F Out ad complete with the Sexual Chocolate music.

Maven and Torrie are on a date and Torrie makes various innuendo.

Tag Titles: Rikishi/??? vs. Billy/Chuck

The partner for Rikishi will be announced in a bit. To the shock of no one, the partner is Billy and Chuck’s manager/stylist Rico. Billy vs. Rikishi to start us off here. DDT does nothing of course and Rikishi takes over. This is when there was only one set of titles at the time. Chuck comes in and hammers away which gets him nowhere for the most part. Suplex gets two.

The idea here is that Rico will lay down for his buddies so they can keep the titles so Rikishi is more or less in a handicap match. Belly to belly by Rikishi gets two. Billy comes in and gets beaten up by Rikishi too. Rico is just chilling on the apron at the moment. Dropkick by Chuck puts Rikishi down. Rico tries to help Chuck and accidently drops Chuck, giving him and Rikishi the titles.

Rating: D. Was there any point to this other than to give the crowd a breather? No? I didn’t think so. Moving on here as there’s nothing to say here. The title reign meant nothing if you didn’t guess.

Rikishi dances a bit post match.

WWE Confidential is coming. The first episode was an interview with Shawn about the Screwjob. This was AWESOME at first but then would turn into exactly what you would expect.

Edge is still looking for Angle but Angle jumps him and it’s time for Edge to get his hair cut. Angle throws Edge onto the barber platform but Edge fights him off. Edge grabs a sleeper and Angle is done, resulting in the haircut. The comedy in the next few weeks was pretty good actually. Edge tries to get a You’re Bald chant going and it just fails.

We recap Hogan vs. Taker. At Backlash Taker beat Austin to become #1 contender in the match mentioned earlier with Flair screwing Austin by mistake. Taker interfered in HHH vs. Hogan, costing HHH the title and getting beaten up by Hogan. Hogan destroyed the motorcycle so Taker tied Hogan to the bike and dragged him around the arena which looked fun as hell. This gets the music video treatment.

WWE Undisputed Title: Undertaker vs. Hulk Hogan

Taker has Hogan’s weight belt and Hogan again comes out to Voodoo Child. It’s supposed to be Hollywood Hogan but he’s in red and yellow. Hogan charges and gets whipped by the belt. This is before the bell. Hogan hammers away and gets the belt to whip Taker a bit. The belt (the weightlifting one, not the title) is thrown out and we finally get a bell. A backdrop sends Taker to the floor and Hogan rips off his shirt.

Taker goes knee first into the steps as there are some overly happy fans out there for this. The fans are totally behind Hogan here to put it mildly. Old School is blocked and the old balls are taken to school. Superplex by Hogan gets two which actually looked a bit decent. Taker ducks a clothesline and goes after the knee. Well it’s good to see him attacking something that Hogan has had replacement surgery on (I think).

The knee is wrapped around the post as this isn’t much of a match as far as excitement but it’s been ok. Taker lays on the leg of Hogan so Hogan drops a bunch of legs over Taker’s face. Wouldn’t that be very similar to the leg drop? Hogan was on the mat when he did that if it wasn’t clear. Big boot out of nowhere sets up the legdrop but Taker rolls away and throws on a half crab. Yeah Hogan tapping wouldn’t happen….until next month actually when Angle made it happen.

Taker gets up and tries a chokeslam. The key word being try as Hogan more or less dead weights him and doesn’t even jump, making it more or less a choke takedown. Hogan Hulks Up after the weakest finisher of all time. There’s the boot and there’s the leg and there’s the two. DDT gets two for Taker and here’s Vince. He distracts the referee and another leg drop gets no count. Leg drop to Vince but Taker gets a chair shot to the back of the head and a chokeslam to end this. Taker becomes I think the only person ever to win two world titles off of Hogan.

Rating: D. This was what it was. They kept it relatively short at about 11 minutes which is probably best for all involved. Hogan wasn’t really around the world title again which is probably best for all involved. Taker would drop it to Rock who would drop it to Lesnar at Summerslam but that’s a different story. Weak match, but seriously what were you expecting here?

Taker pops Hogan again with the chair for the motorcycle.

Overall Rating: D+. Well there’s some ok stuff here but nothing is exceptional. It’s not the worst show I’ve ever seen but this was a bad time for the company as they were letting the same old guy syndrome that killed WCW happen here. Weak show overall and not worth seeing, which is saying a lot with Hell in a Cell on there. The main problem is that the decent matches have been done elsewhere, which is what kills this.

 

[klunderbunker]

Judgment Day 2003
Date: May 18, 2003
Location: Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, North Carolina
Attendance: 13,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

We continue this series with another show that wasn’t all that good. 2003 was like the year of death for Raw as everything was completely dull with HHH gobbling up everything in sight and having terrible feud after terrible feud. Tonight he has Kevin Nash and would face him again in the Cell the next month. Also tonight it’s Mr. America vs. Roddy Piper and Brock vs. Show for the title. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about being hung and facing your judgment day which is very similar to the one from last year. There’s an electric chair in this one though so it’s very different.

Little note: this is the final joint branded show before the lower level shows went to individual brands.

Here’s Austin, the co-GM of Raw, to open the show. He says there are a lot of good fans here so he’s going to sit in the stands with the fans….in a skybox. He goes through the crowd to get there at least so that helps somewhat.

John Cena/FBI vs. Chris Benoit/Spanky/Rhyno

Cena is a heel rapper here and he does a rap about mafia movies. The FBI here is Palumbo/Stambolli. Who put that face team together too? Benoit had a mini feud with the FBI for no apparent reason and they interfered in Benoit vs. Cena on Smackdown. Spanky and Rhyno are Benoit’s friends apparently. Works well enough I suppose. Spanky is Brian Kendrick if you’ve never heard that name.

The faces clear the ring so Benoit and Rhyno make a launching pad so that Spanky can take them all out on the floor. Cena vs. Spanky to start us off. Enziguri puts Cena down and everything breaks down quickly. Cole calls himself a shoe lace for some reason. Apparently the FBI has a hit list and they’ve taken out various big names. Palumbo comes in as Spanky is getting destroyed here so far.

Bear hug goes on by Chucky who apparently has stopped deciding to be effeminate and is all tough and Italian now. He lets the hold go just because and gets two anyway. And now he puts it right back on again. Sure why not. Spanky hammers his way out of it and it’s off to Benoit vs. Cena.

Everything breaks down and it’s Germans for the Italians from the Canadian. Swan Dive to Palumbo and it’s a blind tag from Spanky. He tries Sliced Bread #2 on Palumbo but Nunzio interferes and the Kiss of Death (Demolition Decapitator but with a leg drop instead of an elbow) ends this. Benoit had Cena in the Crossface at the same time.

Rating: D. Dude, a four minute opener in a six man tag? Rhyno was never even in the match legally. This wasn’t much at all and really had no point being on this show. That was a telling sign of what was to come with the whole brand split show as there simply weren’t going to be enough matches to fill out a card. This was something that would hint at that.

Austin buys a hot dog and the cute girl offers some ketchup. Austin inquires about a burger but here comes Bischoff to solid heat. They’re co-GMs so Eric says half of this is his, including the food. There are crates of beer against the wall. Austin offers him the hot dog he was about to eat and Bischoff skeptically eats it. I’m sure the fans are riveted by this. Bischoff wants Scotch but gets a beer instead. He wants it in a cup which Austin doesn’t like. Naturally, Austin crushes the cup with his can. This SO needed to be on PPV.

We recap the debut of La Resistance who started a feud with Scott Steiner over the whole Iraq War and the lack of support from French troops, which is what created Freedom Fries which was so stupid I can’t fathom it. Stacy was dating Test at the time and got him and Steiner together as a bad team to fight them, which led to an awful feud.

Test/Scott Steiner vs. La Resistance

And you get to pay to see it! Test is a heel here while Steiner is all about AMERICA! La Resistance looks rather stupid but whatever. The French guys say they’re innocent in all this and that the American government promotes hatred. I’ll spare you all a long political rant here. Stacy likes Steiner but Test is insanely jealous. This of course would turn into Steiner “winning” her and turning heel.

Test and Dupree start us off and they slap it out while Rene dances. Resistance is Rene Dupree and Sylvan Grenier if the names are confusing you. Off to Steiner and it’s incredibly telling to see how far he’s fallen since having the world title match at the Rumble. Steiner uses the power of AMERICA to take over. Grenier is sent to the floor but Steiner walks into a hot shot to shift the momentum.

Double suplex gets two on Steiner and we hit the chinlock. Middle rope clothesline gets two for Grenier and it’s off to Dupree. He comes off the top and jumps into a T-Bone suplex and both guys are down. Off to Test again and some rooms are cleaned. Pumphandle doesn’t work but the full nelson slam gets two. Steiner gets sent into the barrier and Test steals a beret.

Grenier gets two with feet on the ropes and it’s a double team. Steiner is back in now and here comes the pumphandle from Test. The slam hits and there’s no referee. Grenier gets a dropkick which knocks Test into Stacy who is caught by Steiner. Rollup gets two for Grenier and Steiner makes a blind tag. Downward spiral gets no cover as Test accidently kicks Scott’s head off. A double spinebuster beats Steiner.

Rating: D. Why in the world is this, ANOTHER TV match on PPV? This is one of those matches that went nowhere as the people didn’t care in the slightest and everyone knew it. The French guys were the tag team of note for a few years and then they just went away and no one really cared. Weak match, as expected.

Stacy wants to check on Scott but Test drags her away. This story went on for months.

Mr. America is walking around and runs into Gregory Helms, ace reporter. The joke is that everyone and their mother knows it’s Hogan but he keeps saying I’m not Hogan. Helms accuses him of being Hogan and Mr. America accuses him of being the Hurricane. Both say they’re wrong. We do get Hogan to say whatsupwitdat?

Team Angle has given Eddie an offer of have a handicap match or forfeit the match since Chavo is injured. Eddie says a lot to Josh Matthews (in glasses) in Spanish and says he’s found a partner. It’s Tajiri and they have the gold medals for some reason. Tajiri says he lies, he cheats and he steals. This one is for Chavo.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Team Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero/Tajiri

Team Angle (Haas and Benjamin) are champions here. The brawl starts in the aisle as this should be rather good. Benjamin throws Eddie into a ladder and Tajiri takes his medal off. Team Angle beats Tajiri down with Eddie having been slammed into the ladder earlier. Ah there’s Eddie. And so much for that as he gets dropped on Haas’ knee to take care of that. Apparently Team Angle not knowing where a ladder is makes them inexperienced.

Tajiri and Eddie botch the hell out of something as they drop Tajiri onto the floor instead of a ladder. That looked awful. A handspring elbow by Tajiri to the ladder takes it and the champions down. Ladder goes into Charlie’s balls and the look on his face is priceless. Another ladder comes into the ring and Haas gets sandwiched between them as Eddie hits the hilo onto the ladder onto Charlie onto the ladder.

Shelton pulls Tajiri off the ladder and Tajiri’s face hits the rung on the way down. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Shelton powerslams Eddie into the ladder and the challengers are in trouble. This is one of those matches where there are just spots happening with very little going on in between. Not bad but kind of tiring. Team Angle does that jump on the back thing but from a ladder onto the ladder with Tajiri in between. That was awesome looking.

Haas almost gets up there but Eddie pops up to send Haas flying to the floor. The ladder gets wedged between the top and middle rope and Eddie is sent flying into it. Time for the Tajiri kicks and a ladder shot. Tarantula goes onto Haas which gets a big pop. Shelton saves his partner by driving the ladder into the head of the Japanese man. The champions take over again with Eddie in trouble.

The idea here is supposed to be that Team Angle doesn’t know how to win a ladder match due to inexperience. The problem with that is simple: you climb the damn thing. That’s how you win. See the belts? Go get them! How hard is that? Eddie goes up but Charlie keeps slowing him down.

Shelton goes after him too but Eddie knocks him down and drops a Frog Splash on him in a cool spot. Eddie vs. Charlie on top of the ladder and Charlie takes a sunset bomb to the mat. Always loved that move. Tajiri is finally back and his Mists Shelton to let Eddie grab the belts as we have new champions.

Rating: B-. This was good but the problem is that we’ve seen all this before. The MITB match coming up would make everything else done not called TLC seem weak. This was a good match and belonged on the PPV but it feels pretty worthless all things considered now. Good match, nothing we haven’t seen before though.

Bischoff and Austin argue about who should try to sign Eddie. Bischoff doesn’t want a burger or another beer. Austin doesn’t like the way Eric sips his beer so he opens the skybox and makes fun of the way Eric drinks his beer. He says the match was badass too which is pretty true. The fans make fun of Eric too and this is pretty stupid.

Jericho says he’s going to be IC Champion again and Roddy Piper pops up. Jericho says he’s old, Piper makes fun of the Highlight Reel. Chris says Piper is fat and Piper makes unfunny jokes. Yep this is pointless.

We recap the history of the IC Title which is coming back tonight. The title had been unified with the world title because someone thought we needed one champion per show for no apparent reason so they dropped the midcard titles. It comes back tonight and the US Title would be back in June. Tonight we’re going to have a battle royal of only former champions plus Booker T who was rather confusing. This is an awesome video which shows some great moments in the title’s history which really does have a long history.

Intercontinental Title: Battle Royal

Val Venis (returning here after being Chief Morely for awhile), Chris Jericho, Goldust, Lance Storm, Rob Van Dam, Christian, Test (pulling a double tonight), Kane, Booker T (not a former champion yet in this anyway)

Pat Patterson handles the introductions. Only 9 people in this which is a rather odd number. Standard over the top rules here. Kane and RVD, the Raw tag champions, go at it immediately. Everyone gangs up on Kane and he’s like bitches please and tosses Storm. RVD takes the knee out and it’s another pile on Kane. This time they get him out so we’re down to seven.

Kane comes back in to beat them up for fun. Booker puts Test out and Goldust throws out Val. Jericho gets his springboard dropkick to put Van Dam out so it’s down to Goldust, Jericho, Booker and Christian. Goldie cleans house for a bit but the Canadians come back to take over. Goldust comes back and bulldogs both Canadians. This is getting boring in a hurry.

With the help of Booker, both Canadians gets Shattered Dreams. There’s the Spinarooni but Goldust lunges at him, only to get tossed as well. It’s down to Booker vs. Christian vs. Jericho. The fans are all behind Booker here. This isn’t his year though as he was beaten by a racist heel at Mania (People “like Booker” don’t win world titles. What do you think that was implying?) and gets double teamed here.

Booker fights them off for a bit and Jericho skins the cat. Down goes Booker again as the words GET ON WITH THIS play over and over in my head. Jericho is bleeding from the nose. Jericho sets for the Lionsault and Christian shoves him out! I love double crosses. Booker beats on him for awhile and a referee somehow is knocked down. Christian hit a baseball slide into him if you’re curious.

Yes, it’s going to be a Dusty Finish in a battle royal. Scissors kick misses and Christian goes to the apron. Booker sends him into the buckle and wins this. The music plays and Christian steals the belt from Patterson. A belt shot to the head and a toss out later and it’s Christian that officially wins the title. Booker would get it back about two months later. Everyone hates this mind you. Yes, a Dusty Finish in a battle royal. I told you this era was weak.

Rating: D+. Another boring match tonight which is a theme here. Was there a point to this being a battle royal other than not wanting to have two tournaments going at once? For some reason they were afraid to give Booker anything even though he was on a roll and was over as hell at this point. That’s Vince for you though. Weak match with a bad ending.

Sable tells Torrie not to be nervous. They have a bikini contest next. They were doing this weird lesbian angle here and it didn’t go anywhere really. Sable oils her legs to try to make Torrie want her and it goes nowhere.

We recap this….whatever which is set to porn music. There was a body contest where Torrie more or less gave her a lapdance. Hot, but pointless for the most part.

They do that silhouette dance behind the curtain thing while Lillian does the theme music of Torrie. It’s live for once and it’s her gyrating with Torrie so I can’t complain. I’m not sure what to say here. They’re both hot, Sable looks better, the fans cheer for her, but before she’s declared the winner Torrie takes her bikini off to reveal a much smaller one, making her the winner. Torrie kisses her post contest. This was a waste of 10 minutes. They’ve both been in Playboy so I kind of fail to see the point of something like this. Lawler’s reaction is hilarious.

Bischoff says he has a condom in his wallet. He’s half drunk and half sick from the food. Austin offers him a pizza and Bischoff can barely move. Instead he gives him some “pickles”, more commonly known as peppers and Eric is in agony.

Piper talks to O’Haire and Vince comes in. Vince gives Piper a pep talk and wants him to destroy Mr. America so that Vince can rip the mask off.

We get a clip of Smackdown where Mr. America gave a “fan” (Zach Gowen) an American flag and the kid jumped the barrier to stop them from unmasking Hogan, only to discover that he has one leg.

Mr. America vs. Roddy Piper

Get this over with. FAST. Sean O’Haire is with Piper here and Gowen is with Hogan. The joke is an old one here but still kind of funny. Piper, in regular trunks, jumps Hogan along with O’Haire to take over early. O’Haire, in wrestling gear for no apparent reason, hammers away on Hogan a bit too. Here comes Mr. America with the “24 inch Patriots” and the beating is on.

Out to the floor and Hogan chokes O’Haire with the weight belt. Hogan whips Piper with it a bit as we haven’t had a single wrestling move other than a punch or whip in this whole thing. Sleeper goes on and it’s AWFUL. Piper is almost poking him in the eyes. Hogan fights that off and gets taken down by an axe handle to the back. American hammers away again and it’s Vince to the rescue! Low blow by Piper but a pipe shot from O’Haire hits Piper and the leg drop ends it. Gowen kept Vince from saving it.

Rating: F+. Why in the world is Roddy Piper in trunks in a featured match on PPV in 2003? Hogan….eh I guess you can stretch to let that be here, but put him against O’Haire and let HIM get the rub. He was a cool character and he gets fed to Hogan instead of growing a bit. That’s the criticism you get for Hogan and at times it makes sense. Granted this one isn’t Hogan’s fault, but it’s the stereotype of him. This one is on the company though.

Stephanie tells HHH to be careful. That’s all there is to this meeting.

We recap HHH vs. Nash. Nash was back for the 10th time and naturally he’s #1 contender just because. He wants to be with his friends apparently but he got caught in the middle of HHH vs. Shawn and he doesn’t like it. HHH says this is how it is now and he’s never going to be friends with Shawn. Let alone reform DX 5 times and win the tag titles. Flair got after Shawn to save the title and it was a big mess. In short, Flair/HHH vs. Shawn/Nash. The feud had zero heat and no one thought Nash had a chance and they were right. Jericho was involved here also but it didn’t really matter.

Raw World Title: Kevin Nash vs. HHH

Shawn, Flair, Nash and HHH all get entrances. Remember that Shawn and Flair were listed in the ad for the match. Naturally Flair gets the biggest pop of them all since we’re in Charlotte. Nash jumps him in the aisle and we pair off. Is there a reason why this isn’t a tag match? Flair and Michaels fight to the back and they’re gone without even a bell.

There’s the bell and it’s all Nash so far. By the way, we won’t be seeing Flair or HBK for the rest of the match. So glad that they got a PPV payday here. Nash gets a backdrop and HHH tries to run and hide. Back in the ring and down goes the Game. Side slam and an elbow drop by Nash. There’s another elbow and HHH shoves down the referee. Somehow that’s not a DQ but whatever.

HHH finally gets a neckbreaker to take Nash down. HHH is in purple here. Back off to Nash who hammers away and then shoves the referee too. Hebner is underappreciated for doing stuff like this. After a brief chase HHH accidently clotheslines the referee and low blows Nash. There goes the turnbuckle and HHH goes…into another corner.

Sidewalk slam sends HHH down and Nash goes through some of his favorites like the elbows and a big boot. Snake Eyes is attempted into the exposed buckle and Nash shoves the referee down AGAIN. HHH reverses it and rams Nash in so that the Pedigree can get two.

Another attempt is reversed into a backdrop over the ropes and HHH finds the sledgehammer. HHH hits Hebner in the chest with it and finally it’s a DQ after less than 8 minutes. The fans are not thrilled and boo heavily then die. This set up Hell in a Cell in two months in one of the weakest major gimmick matches ever. HHH takes a Jackknife post match.

Rating: F. This was there to set up Bad Blood and that’s all there is to it. The match sucked beyond belief and no one cared at all about this. Nash was here because he was one of HHH’s friends and no one bought that the title was changing. 2003 was the worst year in the history of Raw and this is one of the major reasons why.

Nash goes all psycho post match and Jackknifes HHH through the announce table.

We waste some time with HHH being taken out.

Austin gives Bischoff some jalapenos and Bischoff vomits. AND WE GET REPLAYS!!! This clearly needed a total of ten minutes on PPV while the opening match got 4 minutes and had Benoit and Cena in it.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline vs. Jazz vs. Victoria

This should be mostly painless. At least Victoria and Trish look hot as hell. Stevie Richards is here for Victoria. Jackie is a face here…I think. She and Trish clear the ring and square off. This is one fall to a finish. Crowd is more or less dead here. We’re totally in the formula here: two girls fight, a third saves and then she fights the other girl. Teddy Long manages Jazz.

Jazz cleans the ring until Trish comes back and pops her with some forearms. STF goes on from Jazz to Trish and Jackie puts the half crab on Victoria to give us a weird race thing. Trish makes the ropes so Jazz drills Jackie. STF to Victoria as I want this to end badly. Matrix and Chick Kick get two on Jazz. Ranas for both heels but Trish gets dumped to the floor by Victoria. Jazz DDTs Jackie to retain. Yeah Jazz was champion coming into this if I didn’t mention that.

Rating: F+. Jazz sucked. That’s what this boiled down to at the end of the day. Jazz sucked and yet they wouldn’t let her push with the title die. The division existed for hot women with big boobs and Jazz was neither of those. This was boring as hell and everyone knew it sucked. Terribly weak match.

We recap Lesnar vs. Show. Show injured Rey in a fairly psycho attack at Backlash. Rey wasn’t sure whether he could wrestle again out of fear. Show came at him and Lesnar stood up for the locker room and made it a stretcher match because that’s what Rey was on when Show hurt him.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show

You win by putting a guy on a stretcher and pushing him past the line. Brock looked awesome as a face for some reason. He’s like a soldier or something ready for war. The idea is the stretcher is too big to put Show on. Show brings a back board but Lesnar gets it and beats Show up with it. It’s fun watching Brock fire away for some reason. Basically this is both guys hammering away with the stretcher parts at various times.

Big old chokeslam and Show puts him on a stretcher before dropping a leg for some reason. He almost gets Brock across but instead clotheslines him to the floor. Back at ringside and Brock beats on Show with a stretcher and chokes him out with a cord. There isn’t anything to say here. It’s a pretty good brawl but at the same time the stretcher thing is pretty stupid.

Cole asks if you can imagine Lesnar as a linebacker. I think he was a defensive lineman but yeah I can imagine it. He slams Show onto the stretcher but Show falls off. They fight with the stretcher and try to ram it into the other’s ribs. Lesnar goes into the post back/back of the head first to take him down. There’s another back board under the ring for some reason. Shouldn’t the first aid people have that?

Lesnar knocks Show off the apron and onto a stretcher which he drops off of. Lesnar leaves the arena and here’s Rey with a 619 to the balls but he can’t do anything else. Here comes the chokeslam but here’s Lesnar with a forklift. He dives off said forklift onto Show and goes off on him with a suplex and FU. Yes I said FU as that wasn’t an F5. Way better than any Cena ever gave him either. Stretcher onto the forklift, Show onto the stretcher, match and show over.

Rating: B-. Hard one to grade here as it was entertaining but at the same time the thing was so back and forth that it’s hard to say if it was good or not. On this show though I need something to have that’s decent so I’ll give this the benefit of the doubt. Show was so big at this point that it just didn’t work anymore.

Overall Rating: F. This was just weak. There are two ok matches and that’s about it. The show was just dead from an idea standpoint and the HHH match is proof of that. Hogan and Piper would feud for a few months before Hogan left/got fired/whatever and no one cared. This was a terrible show and definitely not worth seeing. Even the good matches are pretty bad. That’s not a good thing at all.

 

[klunderbunker]

Judgment Day 2004
Date: May 16, 2004
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 18,722
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This is another part of the times before the dark ages with Eddie as champion on this Smackdown show. The main event is Eddie defending against this JBL guy as well as Booker vs. Undertaker. There isn’t much else on this show as we’re strong into the brand split era, which means a lot of the shows simply don’t have the card strength to hold up with this being a great example. I know I can’t wait for Mordecai vs. Scotty 2 Hotty! Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how we’ll be judged after we die with various clips of people doing bad things, such as JBL yelling at Eddie’s mommy. Oh and Cena is fighting some French guy tonight. Yeah this was a bad time for the midcard. They’re really trying to push this as the third biggest match on the card. Wow indeed.

Kind of surprising that this show is the one they use Staples Center for.

The set has a bunch of crosses on it which is a weird visual to see in WWE.

Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio vs. Dudley Boys

Bubba in the shorts is always a disturbing sight. I think the Dudleys are heels here but I can’t keep track as they would change week to week. Bubba yells at Taz for no apparent reason. Apparently the Dudleys have been jumping RVD 2-1 recently so they’re definitely the heels. As Bubba insists Rey hold the tag rope, D-Von jumps Van Dam so apparently those two are starting.

Oh this is during the Paul Heyman managing the Dudleys period. He’s not here for some reason so I forgot about that. They make fast tags to hammer away on RVD. Van Dam speeds things up and takes down both guys with relative ease. Rey is apparently cool with letting this be 2-1 to start. D-Von goes to the floor so both faces dive on him to make the Dudleys take a break.

Cole lists off various places that they’re live tonight including Bermuda and the Bahamas. Tazz loses ten points for not saying “Come on pretty mama.” D-Von pulls the top rope down and a running RVD falls to the floor. The Dudleys are a weak 17 time tag champions here. Ah for the days when they were young.

We talk about Rey not being involved at all other than that one dive which is true. And of course as I say “true” Rey is tagged in. He speeds things way up and gets a springboard cross body on Bubba for two. 619 is broken up by D-Von and the delay lets a seated senton get countered into a hot shot to shift the momentum right back. Off to D-Von who gets a leg drop for two.

D-Von gets his jumping back elbow for two and it’s off to Bubba. We get some classic old school cheating as D-Von comes in with no tag while the referee is keeping RVD out. I love little things like that. Rey gets his sitout bulldog to break the momentum and both guys are down. That gets followed up by the always awesome false tag as RVD gets a tag but the referee doesn’t see it so Rey sticks around a bit longer.

Spinebuster by Bubba gets two. That was only a single A variety so there was no way it was getting three. Rey is in the Tree of Woe and Bubba slaps his chest a bit. Bubba shouts that Rey is a piñata. Now there’s one of the things I’ve never understood. “Hey kids! Do you love Spongebob? THEN BEAT HIM WITH A STICK UNTIL YOU BREAK HIM IN HALF!!! Then you can steal what’s inside him! Like his heart and his liver!” Never got that.

Rey gets a moonsault press to D-Von for two and we get the real tag to Van Dam. Things speed up again and it’s kicking time in Los Angeles! Rolling Thunder to D-Von gets two. Damn Bubba isn’t getting a lot of covers is he? Rey misses a charge at Bubba and hits the floor. What’s Up is broken up by Rey and it’s a Bronco Buster to the future Bully.

D-Von is sat on the top rope with RVD in front of him. Rey charges at Van Dam who launches him into the air into a rana for two. Cool move that arguably should have been the finish. Cole says this match has been pretty. That fits him for some reason. 3D is broken up and we get a double 619. Five Star from RVD finishes D-Von for three as this is suddenly an episode of Sesame Street.

Rating: B. Solid opener here which got a surprising 15 minutes. Good stuff as both teams were pretty evenly matched. That always makes for a better match as you have both teams that can go out there. Also it’s always cool to see a team vs. two singles guys as it can make for interesting matches. Nothing great here but a fine opener.

Josh goes to interview Booker who has been hearing noises in his locker room. He says he’s the biggest star on Smackdown which is booed loudly. Booker has some voodoo bag of whatever.

Here’s Kurt Angle who comes out of some big box. Well we all came out of our mom’s box so I guess that’s ok. Wait we all came out of there? I’ve heard of orgasmic births but this is ridiculous. Also what is with Kurt rising out of things? I mean you have a thing with a round top rising up…..yeah I’m shutting up now. One more: isn’t that supposed to go down into the box? Ok I’m good now.

Kurt talks about how much he hates LA. He runs down the Lakers and Kobe Bryan who was on trial around this point for rape charges. Kurt yells about Eddie and how he cheated and how he hates being in a wheelchair (I think Big Show broke his leg but he’s in a wheelchair now either way). He wants the fans to riot when JBL wins the title tonight and wishes an earthquake on the city of LA. Bit too far there but you get the idea.

Now it’s time to rant about Torrie Wilson causing her to be in the wheelchair. Kurt, the current GM of Smackdown, orders Torrie to come out right now. Ah apparently Torrie was laughing around Show and Show thought it was at him so he got mad and eventually threw Kurt off a balcony to break his leg. Makes sense in a WWE way. He’s going to end her career, so instead of firing her he says that if she loses her match she’s fired.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

They lock up for a good while to start off and it’s pretty clear why the wrestling Divas were on Raw and the eye candy ones were on Smackdown. Torrie does her bare bones offense which looks like she’s thanking her lucky stars that she doesn’t maim someone with every move she does. Top rope cross body misses Dawn and now we get to see Torrie sell which is possibly even worse.

Now don’t get me wrong: Torrie and people of her talent levels aren’t really that bad, but when you have girls like Lita or Trish that you can put in the ring, this is pretty awful by comparison. Hell even Molly could do far better than this and she wasn’t that great. Torrie is sent to the floor

Torrie tries to get back in but takes a baseball slide to send her right back to the floor. I don’t know if it’s the tape or the referee but he looks like he’s counting very fast. Off to a chinlock/sleeper now and here comes the blonde (Torrie if you weren’t sure) with a swinging neckbreaker for two. Bad looking sunset flip gets two for Torrie. Torrie tries a rollup with tights and rips Dawn’s tights exposing a very nice g-string. Backslide ends this for Torrie a few seconds later.

Rating: D. Given the nice ass shot I was thinking of an A+ here but considering this was relatively close to when Sable and Torrie were in Playboy together it’s kind of hard to be impressed here. The wrestling was pretty awful here but I’ve seen far worse. No mention of the whole Dawn is Torrie’s stepmother thing but I guess that was sucked into the black hole that collected Edge and Christian’s shared DNA.

JBL talks about how he doesn’t like LA and goes on a huge conservative rant against welfare and Mexicans and saying about how great his America would be. I’ll spare you all a really long political rant here.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Mordecai

Mordecai was this crazy religious character that had some awesome vignettes and a great look to him. However the matches were absolutely terrible and this is no exception. He would be losing to Bob Holly at the next Smackdown PPV. He’s more famous as Kevin Thorn from the early days of WWECW.

The second thing is the same thing that plagued Mesias in TNA: he’s not that big. He’s about the size of Edge which isn’t bad, but imagine if Undertaker was about 6’3. The character wouldn’t work at all and it really holds him back here. Cole points out the incredibly slow pace of Mordecai and the fans chant boring.

The character was already doomed here and it was incredibly obvious. He sends Scotty into the post a few times and chokes a lot. Scotty gets a superkick and his bulldog and that’s the end of his time on offense. A razor’s edge ends this just a few seconds later. Cole calls it the Razor’s Edge which is something that was kind of surprising. Total squash here.

There’s a DVD on the rapper Cena. Wow that’s amazing considering that this is being written the day after he and Rock shook hands to make the match at Mania 28 for next year.

The Guerreros are getting ready (it’s Chavo Senoir and Chavo Junior here) and Jacqueline comes in to offer Junior luck in their match tonight. Oh dear it’s another Jackie wrestles men match tonight. She offers him women’s underwear and Senior is intrigued.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Charlie Haas/Rico vs. Billy Gunn/Hardcore Holly

Charlie/Rico are the champions here and it’s another oddball team. Rico is fully embracing his gay side here and the only good thing is Jackie Gayda looking incredible. However, Billy Gunn and Hardcore Holly? Bart Gunn wasn’t available to reform the New Midnight Express? The challengers argue over who starts first so Rico slaps/grabs their rumps. Wouldn’t Billy be used to that?

Ok officially we start with Haas vs. Holly. After a brief feeling out process Holly grabs a headlock and it’s technician vs. power brawler to start us off. Off to Rico who slaps Haas’ chest to come in. Rico touches the redneck Holly and it’s off to the former groom as Rico does a cancan. Rico kisses his hand and puts it on Billy’s face to really mess with Gunn. We have butt slapping and some rodeo before Rico kicks Billy who falls onto his knees in front of Rico. Yep we’re in a comedy match.

Gunn finally gets ticked off and drills Rico, and by that I mean he punches him you sick freaks. Holly vs. Haas now with Holly getting a suplex for two. We hit the chinlock before Gunn comes in and hammers away. Rico: “Don’t you hurt my Charlie!” Holly’s kick between the legs (to the stomach) gets two. I missed a Rico likes hardcore joke in there somewhere.

Holly goes to the middle rope and does the jump into the boot of a guy in a move where the only reason I went to the top was to jump into the boot because a double clothesline is beyond my intelligence spot. Haas gets the tag (moderate temperature) and Rico cleans house (no French Maid outfit?) but gets caught in a Fameasser. There was a blind tag to Haas though so no cover. Alabama Slam is caught by a superkick from Rico lets Haas get a sunset flip on Holly to retain.

Rating: C-. Just a tag match based in comedy here. Nothing worth seeing at all as Jackie looking good was a regular occurrence. Not a bad match or anything mind you, but when the biggest star is Billy Gunn and he’s a glorified jobber who would be gone in six months, the same week as Rico actually. Nothing terrible, but just there for the most part.

Paul Bearer says Taker will win.

We recap Jackie (the annoying one, not the hot one with Rico and Haas) winning the Cruiserweight Title from Chavo and then beating up his papa. Jacqueline is the woman that insisted she could fight men and she could. She never said a word about the quality of said matches.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Jacqueline

Chavo is going to have an arm behind his back here. One armed backbreaker by Chavo to start as this is already boring beyond belief. Jackie gets a head scissors that had to be sent the completely wrong way to send Chavo’s shoulder into the post. Jackie hammers away and grabs a sleeper which gets her nowhere. Some kicks get two for her as this needs to end now. Baseball slide takes out Chavo’s papa and a low blow takes down junior. Senior unties the arm and distracts the referee so that the Gory Bomb can give Chavo the title.

Rating: F+. No one has ever cared about Jackie and no one but Jackie has ever been able to get that. They tried this in WCW and it bombed and it bombed again here. She’s annoying and not any good in the ring but hey she’s a woman so she’s an automatic draw right? And people wonder why wrestling companies have heads shaken at them.

The Guerreros are dicks to her post match.

Wrestlemania will be in LA next year. We know this already.

We recap Rene Dupree vs. Cena. In short, Dupree is French so he’s automatically evil since this is post 2003 when France wouldn’t help in the Iraq War so Vince has decided they’re completely evil. Vince never let anyone not know he was very conservative, I’ll give him that. Cena is the US Champion so he’s fighting for AMERICA of course.

US Title: John Cena vs. Rene Dupree

Surprisingly enough Cena comes out first here. It’s amazing to hear Cena almost universally cheered. Cena rhymes a bit before the match starts and makes fun of the Spurs who had lost to the Lakers in the playoffs recently. To be fair to Dupree, he’s 20 here and was a champion at 19 which is a WWE record. Cena hammers him down but a boot in the corner stops him for what must have been a good four seconds.

We hit the floor for a bit where Cena hits the post. Again Cena misses a charge and hits the floor which has become a running theme in this match. He can’t get anything going here and Dupree keeps up the offense. Bear hug goes on by Dupree just to reaffirm that he’s evil. I know they’ve happened but how often does a face not named Sammartino use a bear hug?

This eats up awhile until Cena gets a jawbreaker to escape. Cena cranks it up a bit and a sidewalk slam puts Dupree down. Five Knuckle Shuffle misses as Dupree casually rolls out of the way. That makes me chuckle for some reason. Spinebuster sets up the French Tickler (don’t ask) and after a brief comeback Cena walks into a DDT for still no cover. FU is countered into a neckbreaker for two. A few pinning combinations by Cena get two each but the FU out of nowhere ends this.

Rating: C. This was just ok. I don’t think anyone ever bought Dupree as a threat here which hurts things a bit but not horribly. Cena needed a win like this on PPV as he only won the title a month or so earlier. Not a horrible match but really just one of those where it came and went with not many people buying into the hype of it.

Cena goes into the crowd and gives someone his Lakers jersey.

Kenzo Suzuki is coming. And thankfully he went just as fast.

We recap Booker vs. Undertaker. In short, Booker came over from Raw and since he was a star there, he’s a mega star on the B show, even bigger than the champion Eddie or bigger than the Undertaker. Booker hired some voodoo woman to help him or something like that. That’s about it.

Booker T vs. Undertaker

Taker still has short hair here so this takes a bit of getting used to. Cole keeps pushing that this is a rare appearance. This is seven years ago almost and he’s still making rare appearances. Booker gets overpowered to start and hits the floor, rubbing something all over himself. Back in and Booker hammers away which doesn’t really get him anywhere. We hear about the Streak a bit which is only about 12-13 at this point.

Leg drop gets two for the Deadman and a clothesline puts Booker on the floor. Booker fights back and gets a missile dropkick for two. I think they’re going for a big showdown here but it doesn’t seem like it’s working for the most part here. Taker fights back and hammers away as this is dull indeed. Big clothesline from the dead dude gets no cover so it’s Old School time.

Taker gets a downward spiral of all things and tries a chokeout but Booker gets to the ropes. This was the beginning of Taker thinks he’s an MMA guy stage. Last Ride is broken up and there goes the referee. Booker throws the powder in the bag into Taker’s eyes but Taker shrugs it off. Running big boot in the corner misses so Booker works on the knee a bit.

This match is really all over the place as they don’t seem to have any kind of flow to it at all. The leg work is really the first kind of storytelling or psychology going on in the match. They slug it out on the floor a bit and head back in. The knee is fine now it seems. Side kick gets two. Front facelock goes on now and there’s there axe kick for two. Taker’s pants leg rides up a bit and we see his leg. That’s a new one. In an ending as abrupt as it sounds, Taker sits up and the chokeslam/Tombstone ends this. Wow indeed.

Rating: D-. Just a mess here with Taker doing nothing but signature spots. In other words, it’s any Taker match not at Wrestlemania post 2003. Booker was by far doing better out there but this wasn’t going to be anything worth watching no matter what they did. Boring as can be match as Taker being very dull.

We recap JBL vs. Eddie. Bradshaw just debuted with this new gimmick of being all rich and said that he wasn’t going to have fun in the ring anymore but rather be dominant. Angle came up with a thing called the Great American Award which JBL won for catching illegal immigrants coming across the border in Mexico. Gee Vince isn’t going on some big conservative soapbox at all is he? Oh and JBL went after Mama Guerrero also, causing her to have a heart attack.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Eddie Guerrero

JBL runs down the Mexicans in the crowd pre match. He’s in blue here which is weird looking for some reason. Eddie hammers away to start and we hit the floor almost immediately. JBL tries to run up the ramp but Eddie catches up to him. We’ve been in the ring about 12 seconds out of the two and a half minutes they’ve been fighting for. Back to the ring now and it’s been ALL Eddie.

Out to the floor again and JBL manages to send Eddie into the steps to break the momentum a bit. They tease the announce table a bit but instead we go back into the ring for more brawling. Eddie gets some punches but a big boot takes him right back down. Cole: JBL’s stock will go way up if he wins this match. That was so corny that it was almost not bad.

An overly long headlock goes on as JBL keeps control. After that finally gets broken up Eddie tries to speed things up, only to walk into a fallaway slam on the floor to get us back in JBL control. Backdrop puts Eddie onto the Spanish Announce Table and we go right back into the ring. This is going way too slowly here. Another slugout follows but Eddie walks into something like a hot shot for two.

Off to a bearhug now as this continues to go way too slow. I get that JBL is a slow guy but this is getting a lot of time and that makes for a boring match more often than not. Eddie escapes and tries to speed up a bit, hitting Three Amigos. Clothesline From Hell and a powerbomb both miss and there goes the referee. JBL is sent to the floor and we go to the table again.

JBL caves Eddie’s head in with a chair shot. FREAKING OW MAN! Oh sweet goodness Eddie is bleeding a freaking gusher. Steps to the head as Eddie is reeling. There is blood all over the ring. Clothesline From Hell kills Eddie dead but there’s no referee. Another referee slides into the lake of blood and gets a two count for JBL. The third attempt at the Clothesline drills the second referee. Dude, shouldn’t the referee that has been down for five minutes get some help?

Huge powerbomb by JBL gets only two as the fans are WAY into this now. The blood isn’t flowing off his head not but is only dripping. Sleeper by JBL which is rather smart here but a suplex gets Eddie out of it. Eddie does his dance thing and here he comes again. Crowd is losing it over this. Fallaway slam is countered into a DDT just like the F5 from Lesnar was at No Way Out.

Eddie tries to crawl to the corner for the Frog Splash as it’s amazing that he’s not dead at this point. Ok maybe that was a poor choice of words. The fans almost gasp at the idea of the Frog Splash but it misses anyway. Bradshaw grabs the title which he puts behind his back and a chair. The referee sees the chair but not the belt. Eddie kicks him low and drills him with the belt for the DQ and the fans aren’t happy at all.

Rating: B. This was a good match at times but you can cut off the first 8 minutes or so and no one would notice it at all. The blood is INSANE and if you have a weak stomach you should stay far away from this one. The ending hurts it a lot as they could have done either a fluke pin or simply stopping it for the blood. Either way, the ending hurts this one a lot and considering it wasn’t a classic in the first place, that’s not good.

Eddie massacres him post match and hits him with a big old chair shot to bust him open too. Oh wait he was bleeding off the belt shot. Another chair shot and Bradshaw is more or less dead. Eddie chases him down for some more as JBL is taken away.

Overall Rating: D. If there was a rating between D and D+ it would go here. The show isn’t very good at all but there was a certain energy to it which I think is due to a good ending to a questionable main event. It’s certainly not the worst show ever, but it’s pretty bad. Other than the blood, nothing here is memorable at all. Pretty weak show overall but there’s a weird feeling of good that you get out of it. Not enough to save it, but it’s there.

 

[klunderbunker]

Judgment Day 2005
Date: May 22, 2005
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 9,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

I’m still trying to finish this seemingly unending series. We’re in 2005 now and Cena and Batista have taken over the company. The main event of this Smackdown PPV is Cena vs. JBL in an I Quit match which is good if I remember right. Also headlining this classic we have Orlando Jordan vs. Heidenreich and Carlito vs. Big Show. Uh….let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Eddie vs. Rey and Angle vs. Booker. The stories for these are awesome. Oh and JBL vs. Cena. The video is more about saying I Quit rather than Judgment or anything like that. Nice for a change of pace.

Smackdown Tag Titles: MNM vs. Hardcore Holly/Charlie Haas

MNM have the belts here of course. Melina runs her mouth and yet says nothing at all. Amazing how so many of the Divas do that. Why in the world are Holly and Haas teaming together? Oh that’s right: the tag division was atrocious at this point. As in worse than it is today. Nitro (Morrison) vs. Haas to start us off. Key lock by Nitro and Haas is like “boy are you trying to wrestle me” and sends him to the floor.

Arm work by Haas including a HARD arm drag. Off to Holly vs. Mercury now. Oh dear this is going to be bad. Holly gets his one move, the dropkick, for two. Allegedly low blow pops the crowd a bit but Mercury gets a hard chop to take over. Scratch the taking over part as they’re going to chop it out a bit. Alabama Slam is set up but Haas distracts the referee for some reason, allowing Nitro to kick Holly and shift momentum.

Nitro hammers away on Holly and I wonder how Holly feels that his student is 10x the star that Holly ever was. Mercury back in and this is more or less shouting WE SHOULD BE ON SMACKDOWN! Chinlock goes on to waste some time. Holly manages to get a full nelson slam and…..and….my goodness it’s a HOLLY chant! Jesse Ventura must have poisoned this crowd and taken over their heads. That has to be on the next season of Conspiracy Theory.

Haas comes in and clears house, sending both guys to the floor and hitting a big dive to take both of them out. Melina tries to trip up Haas but she gets sent to the floor. Haas cleans house but can’t get an exploder suplex. Haas has the pin but the referee is distracted. Holly apparently stepped out for doughnuts or something as MNM hits the Snapshot (flapjack/DDT combo) for the pin to retain.

Rating: B-. Considering who was in there, this was a miracle. The crowd was INTO this, despite it being more or less an extended TV match. Haas and Holly would of course never team again but hey I can let that slide. At one point Tatanka and Matt Hardy were a team. Are you starting to see how bad this division was? Anyway, shockingly good match here and a hot crowd on top of that.

We recap Big Show vs. Carlito. Carlito wanted Show to be his bodyguard and Show got all ticked off. Show grabbed him by the throat and ate part of the apple to spit at him. The apple was spiked though, making Show sick. Carlito hired Matt Morgan instead to be the new bodyguard. Morgan beat up Show the previous week on Smackdown, setting up this. Oh and Morgan stutters for no apparent reason.

Big Show vs. Carlito

After a quick Carlito promo running down Minnesota we’re ready to go. Carlito runs a lot until Show finally gets his hands on him. Show chops away as Cole says that’s like hitting yourself in the chest with a frying pan. One, why would you know what that feels like? Two, why would you hit yourself with a frying pan? Three, wouldn’t it be like someone hitting you with a frying pan? Four, why am I paying attention to Michael Cole?

Anyway, Show dominates because Carlito has nothing to fight him with. Morgan interferes and gets in some offense on the floor but Show kicks out of the covers from Carlito with ease. Cole says Show’s head is like a typewriter. How in the world does his head remind you of a typewriter? Show keeps hammering away but accidently elbows the referee. Low blow puts Show down and Morgan pops in for a big boot and an F5 (bad execution, awesome setup) for Carlito to get the pin.

Rating: D. This probably should have been on Smackdown to set up Morgan vs. Show which is a more interesting match. No one was really interested in Show vs. Carlito as Carlito had no real threat to Show at all as you saw here. Pretty boring match but Morgan looked very impressive.

One Night Stand is coming. That was an awesome show.

We recap Booker T vs. Angle for their match later in the show. Angle was on a roll and was in a fatal fourway elimination match for the #1 contender spot at the title. He eliminated Booker so Booker came back and eliminated him via a chair shot. Angle said he wanted Booker at Judgment Day and the match was made. Then Angle called Sharmell a gutter **** and put her in the ankle lock.

Then Angle said he wanted to have bestiality (I hope he meant beastly), perverted sex with Sharmell. One night Booker went to fight Angle and got beaten down. Angle ran to the back and locked himself in Sharmell’s room where screams were heard. Angle said she enjoyed it and after the match he’s going to dominate her.

In the back live, someone sends her ****ty lingerie.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Paul London

London is champion. This has the usual Cruiserweight Title history for this time: Chavo beat him twice and now gets a title shot. Cole says Chavo lost the Cruiserweight Title in a battle royal where Chavo won. Then he says that Chavo gets a knee to the knee. He means knee to the back but this whole anatomy thing isn’t his strong suit. Chavo works on the arm, and by that I mean the arm.

London gets a rana to take Chavo down for two. That’s about all of his offense though as Chavo takes over immediately thereafter. Mule kick and a dropsault out of nowhere by London and he tries the 450 but gets caught in the ribs by some backs. Uh make that knees. Belly to back gets two for Chavo and he keeps hammering on the ribs. Yes Virginia, there is psychology.

Dropkick to the ribs gets two. See, this is what I love in a wrestling match. It’s logical for Chavo to go after the bad ribs as Paul’s are hurt after that missed splash. It makes perfect sense to go after them and it’s working very well. Abdominal stretch goes on but London rolls out with a pinning combination for two. London manages a spinwheel kick for two and an enziguri for the same.

Chavo can’t get the Gory Bomb so London kicks his head off with a spinwheel kick. London goes up so Chavo heads to the floor. Big flipping dive mostly misses and London crashes to the floor. That can’t help those ribs. There was a thud when he landed too. Chavo rolls back in and hits a suicide dive to take London down again. Back in and Chavo tries a Gory Bomb from the top. Obviously this doesn’t work so London backdrops him off the ropes and the 450 ends this clean.

Rating: B. Good match here which is what Cruiserweights were capable of. London never was out of it enough that the way he won was ridiculous. This was a well done match with both guys knowing exactly how to get things going here. I liked this a lot more than I expected to which is a nice surprise.

Booker is looking for Kurt and finds Funaki. Booker is so scary that he scares the accent out of him. Kidman hasn’t seen Kurt either. A bunch of guys haven’t seen him.

Due to the laws of dramatic irony, Kurt pops up behind Sharmell in her dressing room and throws her on a couch and covers her mouth, saying he can find her anywhere. Is she like Waldo or something? Gee, do you think it was a bad idea for Booker to leave his wife alone when a crazy would-be rapist is on the loose?

Kurt Angle vs. Booker T

Cole says he’s usually impartial but he hopes Booker wins here. That’s very funny considering the way Cole is now. Booker hits the ring and drills Angle as you would expect. Kurt tries a front facelock but Booker rams shoulders into the ribs. Angle finally takes over and hammers away on Booker. Not much of a beatdown given how mad Booker was.

Off to the chinlock already which is rather early here. Ah good they’re already out of it. Booker stomps away in the corner as this is working for the most part. Seated dropkick puts Kurt down and he’s bleeding from the mouth. Angle tries the ankle but can’t get it on yet. Booker drapes him over the rope and hits the axe kick to send them to the floor and Kurt is reeling. The fans chant what sounds like Obi-Wan for some reason.

Kurt manage to send Booker into the post and we go back to him in control. Back in the ring now as Angle gets some knee lifts. Suplex gets two and Kurt locks in a side choke. Booker escapes the hold but misses a side kick so Kurt can get another suplex. Good stuff so far here so I apologize for the lack of jokes. The American hero fires off some European uppercuts. Kurt sold out!!!

More mat work by Angle as he tends to do a lot of. The idea of Booker going on pure adrenaline at first and Kurt getting through that and letting Booker make a mistake is a nice story for the match. Booker fights up and gets a spin kick, making Kurt hold his face. Comeback commences with Booker using his odd set of offense. Angle Slam doesn’t work but the Book End gets two.

Spinarooni by Booker but this is the SERIOUS Spinarooni I guess. Booker tries the axe kick but Kurt gets a clothesline and some Germans. Belly to belly gets two. Kurt tries the Angle Slam but Booker rolls through into a kind of small package for the pin. The reactions from Cole, Booker and Angle makes me think that really wasn’t the planned finish but at least Booker won.

Rating: B. Good stuff here but the ending hurts it a bit. The story being told in there was a solid one and the whole thing worked rather well. I’d have liked the actual ending but things happen at times and at least the ending, Booker winning by pin, happened one way or another. Good match again here, which is a running theme tonight.

Sharmell comes out and Kurt jumps Booker. Kurt pulls out handcuffs for Sharmell and of course gets handcuffed himself. Big beatdown follows with Kurt stuck to the rope. Sharmell goes off on him too, which you know he liked.

After a Mania 21 DVD commercial the referees are getting Kurt unlocked. That would be hilarious to have him there for the rest of the night. Make every match a triple threat.

Roberto Duran is here.

Taz has keys to victory in the I Quit match. Hokey smoke.

US Title: Orlando Jordan vs. Heidenreich

Jordan got the US Title in JBL’s Cabinet from Cena and just kind of kept it. He was never anything special at all but he kept it for like 6 months. For those of you that haven’t seen Heidenreich, he’s uh…..different. And remember who he’s in there against when I say that. First up though, he needs to find a friend.

This was his thing at the time: he would pick a kid out of the audience to be his friend and would read them a poem. He chants WHERE’S MY FRIEND as he looks around for one. The girl is named Alex and she’s like 10. She can’t say the word Minneapolis. She’s REALLY excited about being sat in a chair and having a big tattooed man read her a poem. Think she’s in porn yet? Also, chant and champ do not rhyme. This is one of those characters we would describe as out there.

Oh hey we have a match now. Cole talks about the Preakness winner being named Alex like the girl. That’s a very stupid man. Heidenreich beat Jordan on Smackdown to set this up. Belly to belly suplex gets two for Heidenreich. Out to the floor and they slug it out a bit. When Heidenreich hits him you can hear him say POW. I’m not sure if I should make fun of this or not. He might ask me to go get an espresso.

The fans chant Buckwheat Sucks which is rather appropriate for Jordan. You figure out what I mean by that. Heidenreich does his walk (don’t ask) and hammers away. Big boot gets two. Jordan gets a swinging neckbreaker for two as Alex is panicking. Jordan gets his WEAK DDT to end this abruptly.

Rating: D-. No idea why they thought Jordan should be champion but somehow he’s the best option here. Jordan was really bad at what he did and yet he kept winning for no apparent reason. Benoit beat him in like 30 seconds at Summerslam which was a breath of fresh air to everyone.

The kid helps Heidenreich up and they march around the ring.

Josh, in some really stupid looking glasses, talks to JBL who makes fun of Josh and says that Cena is a nobody. He’s calling his shot here, saying he’ll make Cena bleed. JBL has the original (as in the Undisputed belt, not the spinner) belt despite not being champion here. He rants about Jesse Ventura for some reason and says Cena will quit.

We recap Eddie vs. Rey. They were tag champions and best friends but then Chavo started meddling. He implied that Eddie was keeping Rey close because he saw Rey as a threat. MNM beat down Rey and Eddie wasn’t there, claiming car trouble. Eddie beat JBL down during a match with Rey and cost Rey a world title shot. Eddie apologized but then in a tag match, Eddie wouldn’t tag in and turned on Rey. He stole the mask later and suplexed him on the steps before threatening Rey’s family.

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

Scary to think that Eddie wouldn’t be around in about six months. The stare each other down and slap it out. Total war to start which is helped a lot by Eddie being all evil and aggressive rather than a coward. Out to the floor and Rey goes into the steps. A post shot has Mysterio in big trouble. We add something like a spinebuster onto the table for good measure. The ribs of Rey are taped coming in so the target is obvious.

There’s a second spinebuster as Eddie smiles evily. Naturally he’s cheered because fans will cheer for any heel that isn’t treated like a joke. Now they think Eddie sucks. Fickle fans here. More rib work via a BIG belly to back gets two. Off to the abdominal stretch which Rey gets out of after a few seconds. He tries to speed things up but Eddie gets a hot shot minus the top rope. That looked good and it only gets two.

Modified half crab by Eddie as he keeps mixing up his offense on the ribs and back. Enziguri out of nowhere gets Eddie down but I think he’s playing possum. And apparently I know nothing about the imitation of rodents. Rey speeds things up and gets a top rope headbutt for two. Eddie fights back with ease and throws on a genuine Liontamer. Cole of course says that Eddie used to call it the Lasso. First of all it was the Lasso from El Paso and second of all that was a different hold.

Off to a regular Boston Crab and then off to an STF. A rope is finally grabbed but Eddie HAS TILL FIVE! Eddie sends him to the floor and sets up the steps for another suplex. Rey fights out of it and gets a 619 around the post to kick Eddie in the back of the head. Back in and they slug it out. Yes, Rey is slugging it out. Eddie does his dance to a lot of booing and drills Rey who responds with……A BIG BOOT???

Ok, wait a second. If this is the case, why in the world would big men be inclined to use big boots? Rey is short, has a normal sized foot, and IS FREAKING SHORT!!! Why in the world would he use a big boot when he’s that small? The whole point is having either the size of the boot (hence the term BIG boot) or the height being close to the person’s face. This is what I mean by moves that make NO FREAKING SENSE. Or maybe I just overthink this stuff. Anyway moving on.

Solid spinwheel kick by Rey sets up a seated senton for two. A running charge hits the post though and the momentum shifts back to Eddie. Superplex gets a series of two counts which still don’t add up to more than three. Only in wrestling does that make sense. Eddie works on the back some more as he’s more and more frustrated. Rey counters him into the 619 position but here’s Chavo. Eddie grabs a chair but Rey nails him and puts Chavo on the floor. 619 hits but on an attempt at West Coast Pop Eddie blasts him with the chair for the DQ.

Rating: B+. Now this was a fun match. They figured out what they were doing in there with the whole Eddie can’t beat Rey which is the running story between these two and the point of Eddie’s heel turn. The chair shot let them keep this going because if Rey wins by pin there’s little point to keep it going without it being forced. Very good match too with these two working incredibly well together as always.

Eddie beats him down with the chair and leaves him laying. Great beatdown.

We recap Cena vs. JBL. This is the Mania rematch after Cena ended the very long JBL reign in a glorified throwaway match at Mania. This is Cena’s second major title defense, the first being in a cage vs. JBL. We get a clip of Cena’s time as champion set to his song Bad Bad Man and how he’s been in some mainstream stuff. Also we get to see him with the old world title belt before the spinner one and good grief it looks better.

Enter JBL who says that Cena is a bad champion and he doesn’t know how to carry the title. JBL wants the belt back because he needs to be champion. Cena makes it I Quit because it’ll be about surrendering your soul to someone else. Both guys talk about how they’ve never quit and about this being a culture war which is rather interesting and could have been explored a lot further. I’d like to see more of that.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. John Cena

This is I Quit. Cena comes out on the back of a flatbed truck and with a DJ playing his theme song with turntables. Cena walks on top of JBL’s limo to tick Bradshaw off even more. Loud Cena chant to start us off which you rarely hear anymore. JBL makes the referee hold up both belts and now we’re ready to go.

We start with some technical stuff but there’s a ton of time to go so this is going to have time to get brutal. Arm drag by Cena and he works on the arm. JBL hits the floor which is enough to give him the advantage. Back in some clubbing forearms and a DDT put Cena down. JBL covers for no count because there are no pins in this. Cena fights back and gets a clothesline to send him to the floor.

Out to the floor and Cena rams his head into the steps. JBL manages to send him into the railing and we go out into the crowd. DDT on the floor and Cena is down. I keep thinking this is last man standing for some reason. Back into the ringside area and JBL sets up the announce table. Cena fights back so JBL returns the favor and sends him into the steps.

Bradshaw steals the belt, as in what you hold your pants up with and not the championship version, from the timekeeper. Cena is choked around the post by the belt, which I think is exactly what would happen in the match at Breaking Point with Orton. Bradshaw takes him onto the table and yells at him to quit. The powerbomb doesn’t work as Cena backdrops him through the other table.

Monitor to the head of JBL has him in trouble. It’s so weird to hear Cena cheered this loudly and universally. And then the fans are silenced by a huge chair to the head. Steps to the side of the head and Cena needs to be asked already. Brutal stuff so far. OH MAN Cena is busted wide open. JBL has a mic and they head back into the ring. Three extra special super finisher clotheslines from JBL and Cena is reeling.

Cena still won’t quit so JBL grabs Cena’s chain. The champ tries to fight up but a low blow puts him down again. Bradshaw asks him some more but the champ fights back and stands up with the blood dripping down his face. Five Knuckle Shuffle to JBL is followed by the FU. Bradshaw gets up and tries to leave. They head towards the limo and Cena gets a Protoplex onto the hood.

They both head on top of the car and JBL gets a weak swinging neckbreaker on the hood also. They head over to the production area but Cena won’t give up. He manages to send JBL into a TV head first. I have never seen Cena bleed like this in his career. Now JBL goes into the window of the limo. To the top of the car and Cena gets a suplex before ramming him into the door of the car.

Now he breaks the door of the car off and lifts it over his head. JBL is just trying to run now. They head over to the flatbed truck and Bradshaw gets rammed into an air canister or something like that. DDT on the truck by JBL out of nowhere but he still won’t quit. They go over to a speaker and JBL tries to choke him again. Cena finds a microphone somewhere and drills JBL in the head with it to save himself and put JBL through a table.

The champ goes over to the flatbed and rips the smokestack off and comes at JBL with it with a look that scares me to death in his eyes. JBL sees him coming and gives up out of fear. Cena hits him with it anyway, which I would have gone with as the ending but the other one worked too. Cena poses in the ring with the title to end the show, still covered in blood.

Rating: A. THIS is what you call a star making performance. This was an absolute war with Cena standing there covered in blood for the majority of the match and having it cover his upper body. He looked like a warrior out there that wouldn’t give in no matter what. The look of fear on JBL’s face was excellent as well and Cena was absolutely terrifying at the end of the match coming at JBL with that big pipe. If you want to see Cena go nuts and have his version of the street fight at the 2000 Rumble, find this match. Find it anyway as it’s pretty easily JBL’s best ever and probably in Cena’s top 10 if not higher.

Overall Rating: B+. This was a very solid show and pretty easily the best in the series other than the year 2000 which was awesome. There’s a must see match on here and a few other quite good ones. The bad stuff here is really short with the longest bad match being maybe five minutes long. When you have a lot of in ring stuff, good matches for the most part and a great main event, that’s all you can ask for out of a B level PPV. I really liked this and it’s worth checking out, which is the first time in six years for this show.

 

[klunderbunker]

Judgment Day 2006
Date: May 21, 2006
Location: US Airways Center, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 14,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Just looking at the card, this is a terribly boring show. This is in the period for the WWE where they were kind of searching for what their next big thing would be but it wasn’t there at all. Cena would win the world title for a year in the fall and ECW was just about to be resurrected. The main event here is Rey vs. JBL for the Smackdown Title. See what I’m up against? Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about accepting your fate and the judgment you will face when everything is done. Standard stuff for this show. Tonight is the final of the King of the Ring. I forgot about that. It’s Booker vs. Lashley.

The weird part about this show is that the theme song is This Fire Burns, which would be Punk’s music eventually but it means nothing here.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. MNM

MNM have the titles here. Melina does her usual sexy entrance. MNM has lost 5 times in a row to Londrick. How in the world are they still champions then? Nice pop for the challengers. London vs. Nitro (Morrison) to start us off. London speeds things way up and the crowd is white hot. The challengers tag in and out very fast as they work the arm of Nitro.

Mercury comes in and finally takes over a bit. Shoulder block gets two for Kendrick. Londrick clears the ring and it’s high spot time. Mercury comes back in and avoids a big cross body to give MNM the advantage. Melina lets loose the screams. You can hear Morrison’s push dying with every one. She throws a head scissors on London for two.

We hit the chinlock as I guess the future straightedge masked man needs a breather. Collision puts both guys down and it’s a double tag to bring in Kendrick and Nitro. Snapshot to Kendrick (elevate DDT) gets two as London saves. Good thing the referee glared at him in between the 1 and 2 counts to make sure he made the save. Morrison throws a chinlock on Kendrick as we reset things again.

Delayed vertical suplex by Mercury gets two on Kendrick. It’s the old school style of “what do we have to do to beat this small man???” which is always good. Off to another chinlock as London plays cheerleader. I’d prefer Melina but I’ll take what I can get. Nitro poses on a cover for two and gets all ticked off. This would be similar to the AGGRESSIVE Morrison we saw a few weeks ago.

Chinlock #4 goes on as it’s pretty clear they got a bit too much time in this. Kendrick gets a reversal to send Mercury into Morrison and it’s hot tag London. After cleaning house he gets a dropsault to cover Nitro but Melina comes in and screams for the save. No touching, just stuff with the mouth. Works for me. They can’t get the suplex/hold the foot pin to work so Kendrick totally misses a huge dive and THUDS on the floor. Sick sound too. MNM tries some double teaming but HEEL MISCOMMUNICATION lets London get a jackknife pin on Mercury to give them small dudes the tag titles which they would hold about 11 months.

Rating: B. Good match here to be sure but the amount of resting hurt it. This would be a higher grade if Nitro or Mercury was a bit better in the ring but pretty good other than that. Nitro would get a lot better of course while Mercury just kind of floundered for a long time. Melina and the screaming was good too. Fun opener and the crowd was into it the whole time, which is the idea.

Melina blames Mercury post match and slaps him. The guys go at it and she kicks Mercury in the head. This is the end of the team I guess. The referee gets a swift kick in the balls too. The pull apart brawl goes on for awhile as Teddy Long goes down also.

We get a King of the Ring moment, which is Bret winning the 93 tournament, which I believe was his second.

Finlay vs. Chris Benoit

These two had a 20+ minute match on Smackdown in the quarterfinals where Finlay cheated to win. LOUD Benoit chant to start us off. They lock up and that is one of the more intense versions you’ll ever see with them heading to the floor without breaking the tieup. Back in the ring and they stare each other down with Benoit being aggressive as is his custom.

With the staredown still going on Benoit grabs the legs and tries the Sharpshooter in a nice attempt at a quick win. We hit the mat where Finlay gets to show off a bit which isn’t something you see often out of a brawler like him. We’re in the chinlock early but it’s been a decent opening so I can live with that. This is about technical stuff anyway as they’re moving around while on the mat in this now headlock. There’s a big difference between that and sitting there in a chinlock.

Finlay backs off to buy some time to solid heat. Benoit chops away and we hit the mat again with Finlay taking over. Finlay fires off a European uppercut into the back of Benoit. That’s a new one. Benoit slaps the tar out of Finlay, sending him down and here comes our favorite psycho. Knee lifts and chops all around as Benoit hammers him down. Backbreaker gets two.

Back to the grappling as this is going to be a long one. In a nice sequence, Benoit has a chinlock on but ever so slowly shifts the arm into position for the Crossface. Notice what he did there: he tried to make Finlay get caught in the hold rather than throwing it on. That’s thinking and showing that Benoit has strategy going for him at the same time. Very good sign there.

It’s still a chinlock with a mild arm trap as Finlay has figured it out. Benoit opts for a crucifix instead for two. Big clothesline by Finlay gets two. When Finlay is covering him he drives his knee into Benoit’s face. That has to hurt. Still on the mat now with Finlay grabbing Benoit’s wrists and putting his feet on Benoit’s head to pull back on the arms. The Canadian fights off the Irishman with some Germans. I had to get that in there somewhere.

Swan Dive misses according to the replay. On the regular shot of it I thought Finlay got caught but I was proven wrong. Mark your calendars for that as it won’t likely happen again. Dragon Screw Leg Whip looks to lock on the Sharpshooter but Finlay kicks him off. For no apparent reason Finlay hits the floor to get a chair but Benoit gets a baseball slide to drive the chair into him.

Back in and the Swan Dive hits this time for two. Benoit gets caught in a Bret chest to the corner shot and Finlay blasts him in the back of the head with a forearm/clothesline for two. Finlay works the neck which is somehow still not healed apparently. Granted it’s been two weeks since Edge had to retire so maybe this isn’t the right time to say that. Earthquake splash gets two.

This is a very physical and hard hitting match which is exactly what you would expect from these two. Finlay throws on a combination hammerlock/Dragon Sleeper which is a new one. I like seeing those new holds as you spend so much time looking at them and wondering how much they’re hurting that you forget they’re mainly rest holds. Another shot to the back of the head puts Chris right back down.

Benoit is like screw it and fires off forearms (note to ROH guys: FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THE STRIKES!!!) but Finlay goes back to the arm to keep control. We go to the neck again as this has been mostly Finlay. A slam is reversed and it’s Rolling Germans Part Deux the Sequel Resurrection Returns and all other bad titles for sequels. Out to the floor and Finlay grabs that club that I don’t even want to try to spell but Benoit counters with a German on the floor. And people wonder why his brain looked like it was put in a blender on frappe.

Back in for Three Amigos which means about ten suplexes so far for Finlay. He does the Eddie chest pat but Finlay knocks him to the floor when he tries for the headbutt again. Another shot to his head as it goes into the barricade this time too. Finlay throws him into the post shoulder first but Benoit counters into the Crossface and we’re done after a twenty plus minute FIGHT.

Rating: B+. If you like brawls with technical stuff mixed in, check this match out. This was an incredibly physical match that had psychology all over the place as Benoit kept firing back with insane offense when he was in trouble and at the end it was enough to get the tap out. Very fun stuff here and the amount of time helped it a lot. Very good match and I’d bet on it being the best we get all night.

We recap Jillian vs. Melina. Jillian got fired by JBL so Melina was all mean to her and they had a fight with makeup or something.

Jillian Hall vs. Melina

Jillian is just a hot blonde with a big chest at this point and isn’t yet a singer. Billy Graham is here. Nitro is here with Melina and then he gets thrown out before the bell. Thesz Press by Jillian who is oddly face here. Hennig neck snap to Melina and we hit the floor. All Jillian so far. And never mind as Melina sends her into the steps as I lose all thought as I see that skirt of hers.

To anyone expecting anything beyond a TV Divas match here, why in the world are you here? Body scissors by Melina followed by a head snap as I’m just looking at Jillian in the shorts at this point to pass the time. Jillian gets a sunset flip out of the corner despite Melina grabbing the rope for the pin. It’s over at least.

Rating: D-. Jillian was hot and Melina was in her Pocahontas gear here so I can’t really say it fails. Just a TV match.

Krystal, the backstage interviewer, tries to talk to Melina post match. She’s WAY too perky and you figure out the rest. Krystal beats her up anyway.

JBL, who is AMERICAN and US Champion here, says he’s awesome and does his usual I AM AMERICA promo. Chavo pops up to an ERUPTION (what the…..) and JBL yells at him about Eddie or something. Chavo says Viva La Raza and might as well be giving out money to the fans.

Another KOTR moment which is Austin winning the crown and igniting a new era with his post match promo.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Super Crazy

Helms is in the middle of his year plus title reign and this is just another title defense. Crazy is part of the Mexicools here so he’s on a lawn mower because….well just because. An Arizona Diamondback is here. We get a Smokey Robinson reference for no apparent reason at all. Jackknife cover gets two for Crazy as does another rollup. La Majistrol gets two.

Crazy sends him to the floor with a clothesline and sets for a dive. Nick Patrick stops it so Crazy uses him for a springboard to dive anyway. LET THE ECW CHANTS RING!!! And never mind as a hot shot gets two for Helms as does a neckbreaker. Remember that whole “this is just a TV match” from the previous match? That isn’t the case here. This is the very different LONG TV match.

Suplex by Crazy gets no cover as we go back to more holds on the mat. Off to the chinlock as we hear about Crazy winning a triple threat to get here. No word on opponents or anything but I guess they don’t matter. Rollup gets two for Crazy as the fans are mostly deceased. Elbow misses for the champion and Crazy fights back a bit. For a guy named SUPER CRAZY he’s really not that insane.

Missile dropkick gets two. Moonsault misses as does the Shining Wizard for the champion. Spinwheel kick gets two as we’re totally killing time here. Helms gets about his 8th neckbreaker of the match for two. Helms finally gets a snake eyes and rollup with his feet on the ropes to end this.

Rating: D+. Rather boring match here as Super Crazy becomes the Scott Steiner of the Cruiserweights. What I mean by that is he used to be good and at this point he’s doing nothing but living off past glory with the same name and one or two of the same moves that are signature things. Nothing of note here at all and a rather weak match.

We recap Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle. Henry is a monster heel here and has splashed Angle through a lot of tables to injure Kurt’s ribs.

Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle

Henry sets up the announce table before Angle’s entrance. This was around the time that it was supposed to be Batista vs. Henry but Henry legit hurt Batista. Henry runs down the crowd and is really bad at it to say the least. Kurt takes over to start with a big rush of offense and we hit the mat which makes sense for Kurt to do so I can’t complain there at all.

Backdrop is countered by Angle into a sunset flip. Henry misses the drop down to Angle. I think it might have been a combination of him looking at Angle, yelling and then jumping as high as he could. Just a hunch though. To the floor and Angle tries a German through the table which doesn’t work of course.

Back in and it’s still almost all Kurt as he takes the leg out and throws on a hold. Tazz uses the eternally stupid line of “everybody is the same size on the mat.” No they’re not. Henry is still a lot bigger than Angle but he’s on the mat now. That doesn’t change the size difference. They get up and Kurt charges at him, only to get knocked down with ease.

Henry works on the back with various moves involving dropping down on the ribs with a lot of fatness. Kurt reverses the World’s Strongest Slam into a DDT though to reset things a bit. German sets up an Angle Slam which looked really bad as there was nothing special about it at all and it was really just a modified belly to back suplex. I mean it always is but this looked even worse.

World’s Strongest Slam hits but Kurt kicks out again. Henry, showing his offensive range, tries it again but gets reversed into the ankle lock. We hit the floor after a quick reversal and Henry sets for a splash on the table but Kurt rolls away. Henry instead splashes him against the post and wins by countout. Really?

Rating: D. Match was short and not very good on top of that. The ending made this a lot worse than it probably was but it saves both guys which helps a bit. Henry was just worthless though as he had no charisma and even less appeal. He was very boring but Vince kept giving him push after push for no apparent reason.

Post match Henry tries to splash him again but Kurt snaps and half kills Henry with a chair and the ankle lock w/grapevine. Angle Slam to the table but the table doesn’t break so Mark just falls off of it. BIG chair shot to the head and Henry goes crashing through the table.

Sharmell comes up to talk to Booker who likes the idea of being King. She lists off various kinds he’ll be better than such as Tut, Kong and Martin Luther.

Video on the King of the Ring, recapping who has been in so far etc.

King of the Ring: Booker T vs. Bobby Lashley

Booker beat Matt Hardy and got a bye to get here. Lashley beat Mark Henry and Finlay. Booker gets shoved down to start and they circle each other. I mean they circle each other A LOT. Lashley takes over with power shots and Booker can’t outmove him. A shoulder hits the post though and Lashley crashes to the floor. We go into the slowdown stuff here as Booker takes over on the arm.

Lashley fights back with a clothesline and stands around a lot. Sharmell interferes which gets them nowhere so they do it again and Booker takes over. Bookend gets a long two. This is rather boring stuff. Powerslam gets two for Lashley and the fans get WAY into it all of a sudden. Spinning heel kick sets up the axe kick for two. Lashley gets the spear but here’s Finlay with the club to Lashley’s head to let Booker hit the Bookend for the crown. He would win the title next.

Rating: D. I didn’t like this one at all for the most part. They felt like they were in the beginning of the match the entire time and it never worked for the most part. A D might be a bit low but at the same time I wasn’t thrilled with it in the slightest. It never got going at all and the whole thing was carried by Booker to say the least. At the time I never got the point of having Booker win but he was by far better at this point and in the long run it turned out to be the right move I think.

Booker is crowned which consists of him just throwing it on. Lashley spears him through the throne.

We recap Undertaker vs. Khali. Taker had been dominating and beat up Mark Henry so Daviari brought in Khali which was THE EXACT SAME THING they did in 1992 with Kamala, Giant Gonzalez and Harvey Whippleman. For no apparent reason they let Khali absolutely squash Rey in a non-title match. Khali beat up Taker and he disappeared, only to return tonight.

Great Khali vs. Undertaker

The gong gets a very solid pop as you would expect. Taker hammers away to start but gets nowhere at all. Scratch that as he gets sent to the floor. Khali tries the chop so Taker hammers away. And once again that gets him stuck on the floor. Nice job there dude. Cole turns into an Undertaker cheerleader as Taker gets a Stunner over the top.

You can tell this is a big match because Old School is countered. And of course, NO ONE has ever countered that before. I love revisionist history at time. Khali hammers away as well as he can, meaning this is really rather boring. Out to the floor again and Taker goes knees first into the steps. That looked painful beyond belief and people wonder why he wrestles like once a year anymore.

Back in and there’s the chop that killed Taker deader than dead before. Khali puts the foot on his chest and Taker kicks out. Of course he sits up and here comes Taker. Old School hits and Khali is staggering. Taker pounds away and hits the jumping clothesline to tie Khali up in the ropes. Fans are rapidly getting into this. Daivari gets up on the apron but the referee saves him. Khali gets untied and the chokeslam doesn’t work. A pair of chops sets up a boot to the head, allowing Khali to put his foot on Taker’s chest and get the clean pin. Now THAT is putting someone over.

Rating: D-. And the match sucked. Did you really expect anything else? The crowd is legit shocked as they probably should be. Khali was supposed to have various PPV matches with Taker but one time he was wellnessed and the second the company flat out said he wasn’t good enough to be on live PPV in a last man standing match so they had it on Smackdown with Taker of course winning. After that, he wound up as world champion so there we are.

Video/trailer for See No Evil, which was the movie Kane was in.

We recap JBL vs. Mysterio. Rey won the title at Mania and said he’ll fight anyone at anytime. WWE then promptly had Rey get crushed by Mark Henry, Kane and Khali. What a great way to get your champion over right? This was supposed to be a bully angle I think but it wasn’t anything interesting because at the end of the day it was JBL vs. Rey Mysterio for the world title and that simply wasn’t interesting for a main event.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio

JBL is US Champion here. The fans chant for Eddie because he’s facing JBL here. I mean, he’s the reason Rey won the title after all right? They stare each other down and JBL lifts Rey up and puts him on the corner. JBL takes over as this is pure power vs. speed. 619 is avoided and we hit the floor. Seated senton takes JBL down and a top rope cross body gets two back in the ring.

Ten punches in the corner as Rey continues the dominance. In a nice heelish move, Rey points to a fan, allowing Rey to hit a baseball slide to JBL’s baseballs. Dropkick puts Bradshaw back on the floor where he gets the big boot to put down Rey and take over. Rey’s wife is at ringside so the ending is pretty clear here. JBL’s knuckles are bloody from hammering on Rey so much.

JBL hits Three Amigos to really rub in the insults. Rey is busted also and gets kicked to the floor. Fall away slam on the floor as the bullying thing continues. He fires off some clotheslines but these are from purgatory I guess as they’re not finishing moves. Rey is bleeding badly. Rey gets up and fires back which gets him nowhere. Off to a sleeper/chinlock by Layfield which he lets go in exchange for a cover for two.

They hit the corner again but Bradshaw can’t get a top rope belly to back suplex. Moonsault press gets two and they’re both down. Rey tries a Bronco Buster but runs into a boot to his Pelotas. 619 hits out of nowhere but JBL pulls the referee in front of him and down he goes. BIG powerbomb but there’s no referee. Naturally that gets two so down goes that referee also. JBL gets a chair which is kicked into his face. 619 and Frog Splash keep the title on Rey. Chavo comes out for the celebration.

Rating: C+. Match was ok but there were no shocks in this at all. They just did their thing out there and while the match was ok we knew it wouldn’t be JBL that ended the reign. It’s better than most TV matches but it’s not much overall. Paint by numbers might be a good description of this but it was still pretty good.

Overall Rating: C-. There’s some ok stuff in this but at the same time the whole thing felt like a very b-list show. This is a show that could have been an In Your House back in the day and probably would have been a lot better off that way too. Not much of a show but they tried at least. Benoit vs. Finlay is good but not must see. Weak show overall and not worth seeing at all, but it’s nothing horrible.

 

[klunderbunker]

Judgment Day 2007
Date: May 20, 2007
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 10,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Taz, Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

This is during the time where they really didn’t know a lot about what they were doing. Cena is in the middle of his one year title reign and the main event is him vs. Khali who is undefeated at this point. Other than that the show is packed as we’re in the tri-branded shows again. We also have Team McMahon (Vince/Shane/Umaga) vs. Lashley for the ECW Title and Edge vs. Batista for the Smackdown title. Let’s get to it.

The video is about those three matches and how we don’t know what happens to us after we die. Ozzy Osbourne does the theme music here so I can’t complain much.

We have six commentators. Good freaking grief.

Ric Flair vs. Carlito

I think I vaguely remember Flair tutoring Carlito so I’d assume this is the blowoff for it. Flair chops and hammers away so hair boy hits the floor. Carlito gets a shot in to the arm to introduce some psychology. We enter into some arm work as Carlito amazes me with how lazy he got. Not in this match but in general. The fans get behind Flair of course in a wrestling town like this one.

Flair’s arm goes around the post as Naitch is in trouble. Carlito keeps mixing things up on the arm which is such a nice perk. It gets painfully boring to see someone use the same move over and over again. Putting an armbar on is fine but do other stuff too. More arm stuff follows as we’ve been doing for about five minutes now. Dropkick gets two.

Flair comes back with one arm chops but gets caught in a backdrop for two. Back to the armbar but Flair comes back with one arm. Good selling here by Flair. Backstabber doesn’t work and it’s time to go after the leg. This doesn’t take long as the Figure Four goes on and we’re done in just a few seconds.

Rating: B-. I rather liked this actually with Flair selling the arm well. The flaw to it was that once Flair woke up the arm didn’t really play much of a role in this as Flair does most of his stuff with one arm anyway. Still though, not bad as Flair teaches the brash young punk a lesson and wins clean. I do kind of question him winning here though but oh well.

We recap Shawn’s head injury which is a result of Khali chokebombing him through a table. With a concussion Shawn managed to beat Edge on Raw but Orton popped up post match to punt him, meaning his head is even worse.

Shawn tries to talk but gets jumped by Orton and sent into the set, messing him up again. They have a scheduled match later tonight.

We recap Team McMahon vs. Lashley which is fallout from Mania and Vince’s haircut. Vince won the ECW Title at Backlash, ticking off every ECW fanboy on the planet. He was still bald at this point so he has a bandana on. You can’t say they’re not pushing Lashley at this point. Basically it’s a handicap feud to make Lashley look like a monster.

ECW Title: Team McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley

It’s Umaga, Vince and Shane if you forgot. Lashley had a legit injury at Backlash so he’s rather limited in what he can do. He wouldn’t be able to take time off until July though, which was his last match for the company. The belt looks like a toy at this point. They would trade it in for the big one they finished the brand with soon. Lashley has generic rock theme 19 here.

Lashley cleans house to start, getting a BIG pop when he gets his hands on Vince. Almost no reaction at all for the other two. We finally get down to Shane vs. Lashley which goes badly for the boy wonder. Umaga misses a corner splash as it hits Shane, allowing a powerslam to pin Shane to give Lashley his second ECW Title in about 75 seconds.

And never mind as Vince says it doesn’t count as he didn’t pin Vince. Umaga beats Lashley down post match. Lashley would get it back for real next month before having to drop it due to being drafted to Raw. Then it would be put up in a mini-tournament which was supposed to be won by Benoit. I think you guys know the story there.

Shawn is checked out by a trainer and is told he can’t compete.

CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke

Burke is more known as the Pope now. Punk has heavily taped ribs and IT’S CLOBBERING TIME!!! Burke wanted Punk in the ECW New Breed but Punk said no, so here’s a match. Basically Elijah is just a loudmouth at this point and is overly cocky. He’s a rare example of TNA taking a guy and doing FAR better with him than WWE did. The fans are behind Punk here.

Nothing of note to start other than some striking and Punk throwing on a chinlock. That makes sense here as he’s trying to conserve wind due to the ribs being injured. Punk keeps firing off kicks and adds a suplex for two. British Bulldog suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock, both by Punk if that wasn’t clear. That doesn’t last long as Punk hits a springboard reverse cross body for two.

Burke finally gets to the ribs and Punk can’t get the knee in the corner. Punk is noving very gingerly because of the ribs. GTS can’t hit so he settles for a springboard dropkick to send Burke to the floor. This has been almost all Punk for the first 8 minutes and he adds a suicide dive to the floor to continue his advantage. Burke manages to pull him off the top in almost a powerbomb style move and it’s time to work on the bad ribs.

Off to the body scissors and the fans chant for JBL for absolutely no reason at all. See, in contrast to the opener with Carlito doing a bunch of different stuff to Flair’s arm, Burke is using the same body scissors the entire time. There are TONS of moves and holds to use on the ribs but he uses the same one. Big difference and it made me enjoy the Carlito stuff more.

Punk gets out of it and they head to the corner. Superplex by Punk has both guys in EXTREME (it’s an ECW match so you have to capitalize that word) agony. Punk is up first and starts firing off strikes. Enziguri gets two. Knee in the corner hits this time but he can’t get the bulldog. Elijah Express (double knee in the corner) misses as does the GTS and an STO gets two for Burke. Double knees his this time and Punk is caught in the Tree of Woe for a bit before the cover only gets two. Punk reverses another STO and the GTS hits for the pin. We even get a faster count as per ECW tradition.

Rating: B. Good match here as they had a lot of time and it paid off in the end. Burke isn’t a guy that I was ever a fan of in WWE but this was a very good outing from him. Then again being in there with him probably didn’t hurt things at all. Punk would of course become a far bigger deal than Burke in WWE but that was to be expected.

Edge brags about beating Undertaker and how it’s his world title, not Batista’s. Interesting that all three are more or less retired at this point.

Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn has the head injury remember. Randy gets a face pop and isn’t hearing voices yet. Orton wants the forfeit win but here’s Shawn. Uh…maybe just his music. Oh there he is, barely able to stand up straight. He doesn’t do his pyro and can barely keep his eyes open. Dude, what did I tell you about chilling with the Hardys? The referee tries to talk him out of it and Shawn says ring the bell.

Orton drills him in the head as it rings and Shawn is in big trouble early. Oh we’re in St. Louis. That’s why he got the face pop. Elevated DDT gets two more than once. Shawn is gone and Orton keeps stomping. He sets for the RKO and Shawn just falls. He’s had no offense at all. Orton tries a super RKO but Shawn knocks him off and manages to drop an elbow somehow. He can’t even cover though so he sets for the kick. Shawn sets for it and just falls down and the referee stops it.

Rating: N/A. This ran about four minutes but you can’t call this a match as it wasn’t. This was an angle which was used to advance Orton. Soon he would completely dominate the upper midcard to become the mega challenger to Cena, ultimately taking the title when Cena was hurt in the fall.

RKO to Shawn post match draws his wife out to check on him. He leaves on a stretcher.

Khali yells in Hindi. He has the title belt despite not being champion. Not a good example for a cop.

Raw Tag Titles: Hardys vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

No longer the Hardy Boys I guess. To give the Smackdown guys something to do they’re calling it. No real reason for this other than face tag team vs. heel tag team. Matt vs. Cade to start us off. Technical stuff so far as Matt takes over for the most part. Apparently Matt is a Smackdown guy despite being a Raw champion. Cade tries a wristlock and Matt BLASTS him with a forearm to counter. That looked great and sounded even better.

Off to Jeff to a BIG pop. Murdoch comes in also and there isn’t exactly a pop but maybe it’s implied? You can tell they’re in a long form match here as the faces have an extended control period to start. Matt gets a double axe off the middle rope for two. Cade comes in and takes over with Murdoch helping also.

And never mind as Jeff comes in for another pop. Slingshot dropkick gets two in the corner on Murdoch. Cade tries to leave and that gets us nowhere. Back to Jeff vs. Murdoch again and Jeff tries a front flip over the ropes. Murdoch steps to the side and Jeff CRASHES with a loud thud. Cade takes over again as Jeff sells like the master that he is. I mean at Victory Road he even managed to sell that he was a competent professional.

Off to the chinlock and Jeff gets beaten up even more. This is more of an extended Raw match which isn’t a bad thing here but just a bit different. Canadian Destroyer/Sunset Bomb by Murdoch gets two as Matt saves. Double tag and it’s off to Cade vs. Matt. After most of the house is cleaned, Cade takes Matt down for a bit. I guess he didn’t get to dust the top shelves. Not that it matters as the Twist of Fate and Swanton keep the belts in North Carolina.

Rating: B-. Not a terrible match here at all as you had an extended Raw match but the fans were certainly into it. Extended Raw matches are fine like here as you had two pretty good teams and therefore you got a good match out of it. What more can you really ask for here anyway? The country boys would get the titles in about two weeks.

They shake hands post match. Odd indeed.

Edge has a video for us, which is about him stealing the world title from the injured Undertaker after stealing MITB from the injured Kennedy. This was a big part of the Ultimate Opportunist thing. This is your hype video for Batista vs. Edge in case you weren’t clear on that.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Batista

Edge got the title from Taker 9 days before this. Oddly enough he comes out first here. Batista has a bandaged leg from….I think a match with Taker who he was feuding with for a long time. The idea here is Edge did in three seconds what Taker couldn’t do in two months. The thing is it was just after a cage match with Batista and Henry coming out for a beatdown.

Edge backs off a lot to start. All Big Dave as he sends Edge to the floor but he gets his knee slammed into the steps and the Canadian takes over. Back in Batista goes shoulder first into the post as the psychology shifts a bit. A long armbar is actually countered by an arm drag and Batista gets him into the corner for the shoulders. Clothesline puts both guys down.

Powerslam gets two for Batista. Boss Man Slam (why does no one piuck that up as a finisher? Barrett uses it as a regular move but it’s a great finisher for a power guy) gets two as does an Edge-O-Matic for the champ. Edge sets for a spear but Batista gets a BIT one instead for two. Another powerslam and it’s Batista Bomb time. Edge counters but gets caught in a spinebuster. It hurts the knee though and Edge grabs a rollup for the pin to retain.

Rating: C. The ending isn’t a cop out as it seems. This was more about Edge getting dominated in the end but catching Batista in one error to retain, playing up the opportunist aspect of him. Anyway, not much of a match here as it felt like a SNME match, which is ok but it gets a bit dull at times. Edge would get hurt in like two months and Khali would get the title in a battle royal.

The Divas are asked who wins in Cena vs. Khali. Jillian thinks Khali is hot. Maria picks Batista. This is totally pointless.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. MVP

MVP is challenging here and it’s 2/3 falls. They had a decent match at Mania and this is the rematch. Amazing to think this was two months before the Benoit stuff happened. This is the third match in their series. Apparently Benoit has a bad leg which is a running theme tonight. They feel each other out for a good while as Cole isn’t sure if DQs or countouts count.

All Benoit to start but he can’t get the Crossface. MVP grabs a headlock which gets him nowhere at all. Benoit hammers away and they hit the mat. The idea here was that in the first match Benoit completely outwrestled him then at Backlash Benoit had more trouble with him and now he’s having real trouble with him. MVP works on the leg for a good while.

Rolling Germans time but the knee gives out on the final one. Crossface goes on but he manages to get to the rope. Back to the knee but a big boot in the corner misses. Sharpshooter goes on but that doesn’t work either. Good stuff here for the most part but the whole work on a limb thing is getting a bit repetitive tonight. MVP tries to climb the ropes and Benoit gets him in an electric chair, but the knee goes out and the Playmaker gives MVP the first fall.

There’s a rest period and Benoit stretches his leg a bit. The knee is falling apart and MVP attacks it every chance he gets. Even on a cover MVP twists the leg around in a very nice touch. Leg lock goes on which becomes a Brock Lock and Chris is in trouble. Playmaker doesn’t work a second time as Benoit gets a SWEET counter into the Crossface but he can’t lock it in due to a shot to the knee. A big boot to the knee allows MVP to roll him up to win the title in two straight falls. He would hold it nearly a year.

Rating: C+. The knee work was good here but at the same time it got a bit annoying having this in about the fourth or fifth match tonight. Benoit would head to ECW rather soon and I think you know how that ended. Pretty decent match here though as MVP used the previous two matches to get the win here, which is psychology which is the best thing you can ask for.

We recap Cena vs. Khali. Someone laid out Shawn, Edge and Orton in one night to send a message to Cena so he called them out at the end of the night. It was Khali who then beat the tar out of him. Cena managed to get him in the FU position but Khali countered and hit the Chokebomb. The idea is Cena is the underdog here despite being champion. Khali beat Shawn clean to officially become #1 contender.

Raw World Title: Great Khali vs. John Cena

JR: “Cena has to compete tonight like Khali hit Cena’s mama with a 2x4.” WHERE DOES HE COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? I mean was that something that was a common occurrence in Oklahoma? Is he drawing on personal experience? Could Khali speed it up a bit so that I can stop overreacting already? Khali is undefeated at this point.

Staredown to start and Cena pounds away but it gets him chopped in the head. Clothesline and a right hand sends him to the floor. Khali sends him to the steps and back in the ring puts his foot on the chest for two. Slam and a leg drop (BROTHER) get two. This is all Khali if that wasn’t clear. Cena tries to move a bit and gets the Throwback for two.

Back up and Cena hits the ropes but KHALI HITS A SPIN KICK!!! WHERE IN THE WORLD DID THAT GO AFTER THIS MATCH????? I almost rewound the tape to see if I really saw that but it was there. Out to the floor now and Cena is rammed into the table a few times. Off to a nerve hold which doesn’t last long because it’s just a nerve hold. A pair of shoulders is enough to tie Khali in the ropes for a bit. Cena charges instead of standing there but Khali gets out and hits a big boot to take him down.

Cena blocks the knockout chop but gets sent to the floor. Khali comes after him but Cena finally wakes up and dropkicks the steps into the knees. Top rope Fameasser and Khali is in trouble. STFU goes on and this is all or nothing for Cena. Khali finally taps but his foot was under the rope which is what set up the rematch the next month in a falls count anywhere match.

Rating: C. There was only so much they could do here and for the most part it worked I think. Khali didn’t have to do much out there which is ok also as his size makes up for it. They kept this should (a little over 8 minutes) and that was the best thing they could have done. They weren’t going to get a great match here no matter what but all things considered, this was about as good as they were going to get, especially since it never got totally unrealistic for Cena to come back.

Overall Rating: C+. This was definitely a B level show but it worked pretty well. There isn’t a bad match on the card and while the ratings for each were all pretty good, there’s absolutely nothing worth going out of your way to see. This is a show that you could easily skip and you would have been fine, which is why having another show in two weeks was a stupid idea. Not bad, but definitely not worth seeing.

 

[Hollywood Naitch]

Great reviews as always KB.

I love Judgement Day 2000, the return of the Undertaker as the biker was a HUGE MTFO moment for me.

Looking at the card, it really is stacked from top to bottom. Just look at the list of wrestlers who had been/would be world champions...

Edge
Christian
Kurt Angle
Eddie Guerrero
Chris Benoit
Chris Jericho
Big Show
The Rock
HHH

you can even throw Shawn Michaels and the returning Undertaker onto that list too, and that is not even including talent such as the Dudleyz, DX or Dean Malenko.

Awesome card, awesome show, awesome review.

 

[klunderbunker]

Judgment Day 2008
Date: May 18, 2008
Location: Qwest Center Omaha, Omaha, Nebraska
Attendance: 11,324
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Mick Foley, Mike Adamle, Tazz

Didn’t realize this but this is being reviewed three years to the day that this show happened. Always interesting I guess. Anyway I do not remember this show at all even though there are two world title matches of course. For Smackdown it’s Edge vs. Taker for the vacant title and on Raw it’s Orton vs. HHH (yeah I’m shocked too) in a cage. Shawn vs. Jericho also, which is always worth checking out. Let’s get to it.

Oh and of course I’ll be doing 2009 next to get done with this series. After that it’s a quick run through the three remaining ONS’s that I have and then it’s time for Armageddon.

Opening video is about the title matches and Shawn/Jericho of course. Oh and Cena vs. JBL. The Hell’s Gate submission is banned also. I remember that stupid story that focused way too much on Vickie.

John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Well this isn’t what I would have picked for an opener but it’ll get a reaction I guess. JBL claims that Cena cost him the title at Backlash so here you are. Very slow start as neither guy seems like he wants to do much at all. Bradshaw grabs a headlock but Cena goes straight for the STF so JBL bails. Back in and Cena gets sent shoulder first into the post. Jibbles works on the arm and adds a neckbreaker for no cover.

Off to a modified key lock as this turns into something resembling a submission match. Cena rolls out of a near cross armbreaker but it doesn’t really hurt JBL so the assault continues. Cena comes up with one arm and hammers away, adding a Throwback to really take JBL down. Top rope Fameasser misses and Cena hits the apron. JBL manages to grab a suplex style move to drop Cena over the top and then out to the floor.

This is a painfully boring match if you’re not sure on it. We’re nearly 8 minutes into it and they’ve been moving so freaking slow the entire time. Off to a bearhug by Bradshaw but Cena turns to his side so it’s almost a German suplex position. Off to a bodyscissors with an armbar as I’m really confused here. I mean, IT’S JOHN CENA and they’ve doing a submission/very old school style match. Why in the world do they think this is a good idea?

Off to a full nelson which Cena can’t quite break. After we waste some time with that, here comes Cena who breaks the hold but can’t hit the FU. I miss the days when it was called that as AA makes me think of Arn Anderson. Back to the bodyscissors in case the fans started to get into this. I’m legitimately surprised by how this match has gone. Not that it’s a good thing here as I’d definitely prefer your usual Cena match to this.

Cena breaks the hold but walks into a big boot and it’s back to the back as JBL drops some elbows. Clothesline, but not the devilish version, puts Cena down for no cover. And never mind as JBL picks him up after that move and Cena reverses another clothesline attempt into the FU for the pin out of absolutely nowhere.

Rating: D. This was by far and away the worst Cena match I’ve ever seen on PPV after he made it big. I have no idea what they were doing here as it was closer to a submission match that you would see out of like Bob Backlund and Ivan Koloff or some combination like that rather than two glorified brawlers. Not much here at all and I was really disappointed with them in it.

King William Regal, the GM of Raw, isn’t happy.

The Dirt Sheet makes fun of Kane and Punk who are challenging Miz and Morrison for the Smackdown tag titles tonight despite both of them being ECW guys and the ECW commentators calling this.

Smackdown Tag Titles: John Morrison/The Miz vs. Kane/CM Punk

If I remember this right there is zero story to this match at all. Morrison has the same music and nearly the same intro as he does today. It’s so shocking to look at Miz and know what was coming for him in just a few years. Morrison beat Kane on ECW which is about the extent of the build. Punk would go to Raw in the Draft in just over a month. He’s Mr. MITB at the moment also. Oh and Kane is ECW Champion. There was a talent exchange or whatever going on with Smackdown and ECW where they could be on both shows if you’re wondering how this is possible.

This actually gets big match intro treatment for no apparent reason. Odd indeed. Punk and Miz start us off and it’s so weird to see these two as midcarders. Off to Kane, who is by far and away the biggest star in this match. Kane beats Morrison up with ease but can’t do the same to Miz. Wow that sounds weird in context. Punk comes in with a slingshot knee drop to Morrison for two.

Tarantula version of the Anaconda Vice which is rather awesome goes on. Back off to Kane who massacres Miz a bit more, including the clothesline for no cover. Morrison goes all angry on Kane, hammering away with everything he can to slow baldie down. Miz and Morrison both have a lack of finishing moves for the most part other than Morrison having some weak stuff so there isn’t much of a way that they can put Kane down.

Luckily for them it’s off to Punk who beats on Morrison as is his custom. Down goes Miz and a snap powerslam gets two on Morrison. Springboard clothesline gets two on Morrison who is looking awesome with these kickouts. Miz tries to grab Morrison’s leg to slow things down a lot and is chokeslamed on the floor for his efforts. That distraction though lets the Moonlight Drive (neckbreaker) end Punk mostly clean.

Rating: C. Not a bad match here at all but it probably should have been a TV main event more than anything else. You could certainly see Miz and Morrison growing up here as they managed to stay away from the pins which was the right thing to do. Having matches with guys like Kane and Punk was what made them get a lot better in a hurry, which is exactly why someone like Kane was on ECW. Fine little match here.

Rambo is sponsoring the PPV tonight for no apparent reason.

We recap Jericho vs. Shawn. This started at Mania when Shawn retired Flair. Batista then kind of sort of turned heel at least against Shawn, saying that Shawn had no right to retire Flair like he did. This led to a match at Backlash which Jericho refereed for no apparent reason. Actually there probably is one but I don’t remember it and I’m fighting a cold so I have no desire to look it up.

Shawn said he’d do whatever it took to win and in the match he escaped a Batista Bomb but hurt his knee. Jericho called shenanigans and gave Shawn an award for best actor. Shawn and Jericho fought Miz/Morrison on Raw and Shawn only managed one superkick which was enough to set up the win. Jericho bought the injury, then Shawn said he was faking. Jericho now doesn’t believe him so Shawn kicked his head off. That brings us here.

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho is IC Champion here but it’s non-title. Shawn is closer to heel here which is rather odd to see indeed. Naturally he gets the face pop here. Well the bigger one that is as Jericho certainly gets one of his own. This is one of if not the first of many, many matches these guys had in 2008. Jericho goes after the knee as he still doesn’t buy Shawn saying it was faked.

Off to a headlock by Shawn as Jericho goes for the leg again. Shawn grabs an inverted figure four which JR calls a Native American Deathlock. That’s a new one I guess. Jericho gets the rope and it’s a standoff. This is Shawn vs. Jericho with fifteen minutes to work with so I wouldn’t expect a lot of jokes here. We get a card game reference by JR for no apparent reason and it’s off to fighting over an armbar.

Shawn gets something like a cross armbreaker over the arm which is pretty cool looking. Jericho looks weird in the full tights and short hair. The trunks were a nice touch for him. Jericho manages to send Shawn into the corner as no one can get an extended advantage at all here. To the corner and Jericho gets knocked off but gets his knees up to block the elbow from the top.

Jericho hammers on the ribs as we hit the abdominal stretch. See what psychology does to help you out here? Shawn avoids the bulldog as the momentum shifts again. Jericho might have had control for a minute and a half which is certainly the longest of the entire match so far. Forearm by Shawn but he gets caught in the Walls and the crowd reacts. Both guys head to the apron and Chris gets his head kicked off by Sweet Chin Music and he’s down on the floor.

Back in that only gets two and Shawn drops the elbow but his ribs are hurt even worse now. This has been great stuff if that wasn’t clear by the writing about it. Jericho wisely falls down instead of taking the superkick and then does it again. Crowd isn’t sure what to think of that so Shawn gets a bit closer to him and keeps tuning it up. Shawn fires it but Jericho was playing possum just like Shawn did against Batista and drills Shawn with the Codebreaker. NICE!

That’s only good enough for two though as the fans are way into this. See what happens when you put two of the best ever in the ring and give them time and a story? YOU GET A GREAT MATCH. Why is that so complicated? Shawn grabs a Crossface out of nowhere and Jericho somehow manages to get the rope. Shawn isn’t enough of a psycho to make that work I guess. Shawn gets draped over the top and we get even more SWEET psychology as Shawn puts his knees up for the Lionsault but Jericho lands on his feet and tries the Walls. Shawn rolls through for the surprise pin though to end it. AWESOME match.

Rating: A. Again, two masters with time and a story. What did you really expect to happen here? I don’t think it’s possible for these two to have a bad match and they didn’t come close to one here. This would set of the feud of the year as Jericho would get the world title in about three months and Shawn would chase it all Fall.

They shake hands post match and both guys are tentative because of what happened in Seattle back in 2003.

Mickie James doesn’t really want to talk about how date with Cena as JBL comes up. JBL bullies Grisham and talks about fighting which goes nowhere at all.

Raw Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Melina vs. Mickie James

Mickie is champion. So we’re like an hour and 10 minutes into this show and the Smackdown guys haven’t called a single thing. Gotta love the treatment of the B show. Beth and Melina argued about the title shot and we see why Beth doesn’t talk like ever. Mickie is still all bubbly and hot at this point. Not that she’s not hot now but you get this idea. THIS somehow gets big match intros. Wow indeed.

Melina’s boobs look extra good tonight. Beth tells Melina to get out of her ring so Melina drills her with a kick. Mickie grabs a victory roll for two on Melina and it’s one on one for awhile. Beth pulls her out and it’s challenger vs. challenger. Yeah I don’t care either but you have three hot chicks out there so how much can I complain?

Mickie back in now and we get some nifty triple person spots. James throws on something like a Tazmission on Beth which goes nowhere. Regal Cutter to Melina allows Mickie to go up, only to get….uh…..*****ed by Melina. They speed things up a bit and Mickie gets a top rope Thesz Press to Beth followed by a HARD seated dropkick. In your HOLY CRAP spot of the night, Beth puts them both in an over the shoulder body vice for about 12 seconds. Mickie gets the jumping DDT to Melina quickly after that to retain but dude, WHO CARES? I’m still getting over that body vice move which was insanely awesome.

Rating: C+. Better Divas match than usual actually as all three chicks were working hard out there and the result was rather good stuff. When Melina is the ugliest chick out there you can’t really go wrong. With an awesome spot like that and a pretty good match other than that, this was one of the better Diva matches I’ve seen in awhile.

Batista tells Shawn that if he was faking he’ll hurt him. That would be next month I believe. We’ll get to that one soon.

Undertaker dominated a text message poll about who would win.

We recap Edge vs. Undertaker. Basically Undertaker used the Hell’s Gate and Vickie banned it. Edge got hurt and since Taker didn’t show remorse, she stripped him of it and there’s a Taker vs. Edge match for the title. There was some over the top rope challenge where you had to win a match to qualify. Batista won but Edge was allowed to come in at the very end and win. This went on for months and people got rather tired of it.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Undertaker

Title is vacant remember. Edge’s pyro doesn’t go off for some reason. Oh there it is. Two entrances should not take five minutes, period. Taker tries to box to start so Edge runs off. Edge tries right hands and gets launched into the corner as Taker takes over. Off to the arm as Taker tries to take out the spear. Old School is countered. When does that ever hit anymore?

They fight on the floor for a bit with Edge sending him into the steps and adding a baseball slide to take over. Big boot by Taker misses in the corner which gets two for Edge. Edge works on the knee and they slug it out a bit. Edge hits a big boot to about the shoulder or so for no cover. Old School attempt by Edge gets the same result as Taker’s attempt earlier.

They slug it out again which of course Taker wins. Taker chokeslams him into the corner for some reason and a big boot (actually getting face) gets two. Old School #3 hits as I guess that’s high school since we had elementary and middle already. Hawkins and Ryder, the Edgeheads, come out for a distraction as Edge exposes the buckle. Better option really as you don’t want him exposing himself.

Spear eats post though and a buckle bomb gets two. Have to give it to Taker for busting out some nice adjustments to his regular moves here. Snake Eyes into the buckle doesn’t work so Edge hammers away in the corner but gets caught in Snake Eyes into the corner anyway. Taker likes that corner I guess. Instead of covering Taker tries to hit the ropes for something but Edge (called the Sly Fox by Cole) hits a weak spear for two.

They slug it out (again) with the Canadian actually winning for a bit until he walks into a chokeslam for a very long two. Out to the floor again and we go into the crowd. They slug it out on the floor and only Taker beats the count back in to win the world…..oh of course he doesn’t as here’s Vickie to say excuse me a lot. Taker doesn’t win the title because it’s a countout. They would have another match in the form of TLC next month where Taker had to “retire”.

Rating: B. Good match here ruined by a weak ending. Nowhere near as good as their Mania match but it was still pretty solid stuff all around. They work very well together but after all the near falls you want something better than a lame countout ending especially with something close to a Dusty Finish that takes Vickie two minutes to announce. Good match until then though.

Taker adds a tombstone to Edge post match because he can and leaves the title in the ring.

Orton says he’ll win but says it very slowly. This was another part of their never ending feud that set up Orton and Cena’s never ending feud.

Here’s MVP for no apparent reason. He’s upset because he’s not on the card tonight so anyone that wants to fight him can come down right now. Matt Hardy’s music comes on but he’s just the US Champion who beat MVP at Backlash so he’s not the right choice I guess. Instead it’s this guy facing him.

Jeff Hardy vs. MVP

Far bigger pop for Jeff than Matt which doesn’t mean anything really. Foley isn’t sure who to cheer for because MVP is Smackdown (Jeff is Raw) but he doesn’t want to cheer for a jerk. Jeff sends him to the floor early as we hear about his house burning down which was legit actually. Back in the ring and MVP takes it to the mat. Jeff tries the slingshot dropkick to the floor but gets slammed to the floor instead.

Back in and we hit the armbar again as Jeff looks more annoyed than in pain. Hammerlock slam gets two. Jeff fires back but tries a move out of the corner, only for the arm to go out and give MVP the advantage all over again. Drive By boot to the head/arm of Jeff sends him to the floor as this has been almost all MVP at this point.

Jeff goes shoulder first into the barricade which gets two back in the ring. MVP is channeling his inner Anderson (Arn, not Mr. you uncultured swine) with all of this arm work. Playmaker can’t hit and Jeff gets a shot in with the left arm so both guys are down. Slingshot dropkick in the corner hits for Jeff but he can’t hit the Swanton. Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere gets a pin. I like that ending I think.

Rating: C+. This was a bonus match and wasn’t half bad so I really can’t complain much at all. Jeff would be world champion by the end of the year so this was really just a quick stop for him. Anyway, fine for what it was with both guys having a decent enough match for a bonus match that was there to fill in time.

Sylvester Stallone talks about directing Rambo.

The cage is lowered.

We go to the recap which is introduced by JR who sounds all slurred for some reason. HHH won an elimination match at Backlash to win the title and this is the rematch. Somehow this would go on for like a year with them in the main event of Mania 25.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH

In a cage as previously mentioned. Again the entrances take a combined five minutes. This also gets big match intros. It doesn’t really have the same ring to it after the Divas got this treatment. Orton goes for the door almost immediately but of course that doesn’t work. Somehow he manages to slam the door on the Game’s head to take over in the early going.

Basic stuff to start as both guys hammer on each other with nothing of note happening. Neckbreaker by HHH gets two as do a bunch of right hands. He gets sent into the cage and Orton gets all googly eyed. Into the cage again and Orton kicks away rather hard. This wasn’t from the side though so it won’t put HHH out for months on end. Elevated DDT hits for two.

Off to a quick chinlock before Orton hits a powerslam for two. This is Orton’s usual very slow paced match which doesn’t make anything interesting in the slightest. The fans want an RKO despite Orton allegedly being all evil and crazy and all that jazz. Regal is still looking on as sometime around this time it was when he cut Raw off the air early which was rather cool indeed.

Orton stomps away to really vary up his offense but a kneedrop misses. Off to the knee goes HHH now as I channel my bad Yoda impersonation. Figure Four goes on for a good while but Orton makes the rope. Even Lawler is like dude, that doesn’t mean anything in this but the referee breaks it anyway. Quick RKO attempt is countered into a Pedigree attempt which is countered by a backdrop by Orton.

Randy goes for the door but HHH makes a diving save. Orton somehow finds a chair on the floor and pulls it back in with him. That was done in the cage match with Flair and HHH at Taboo Tuesday also. Facebuster gets two as Orton can’t get a chair shot in yet. HHH gets the chair so Orton hits HHH in the game pieces to bring him back down. DDT on the chair somehow only gets two because after a DDT on a chair, Orton clearly can’t walk through a door right?

RKO onto the chair is blocked and it’s a Raven-esque drop toehold onto the chair to buy HHH some time as well as a two count. Orton takes over again and climbs but HHH is like screw that and they fight on the top rope. Down goes Viper boy so HHH climbs. Orton pops up to catch him as he’s on the top and the fight continues. Orton knocks him down and tries to climb over but HHH is like “Dude I’ve only held the title three weeks. Over my dead body” and pulls him back in.

HHH channels his inner Punk and tries a Pepsi Plunge (top/middle rope Pedigree) but that would be too big of a spot for him so Orton slams him to the mat. They fight on top some more as they haven’t done that enough in the last five minutes but Orton winds up getting crotched. Spinebuster puts Orton down again and it’s time for a Pedigree on the chair. That gets countered also and it’s time for a Punt. HHH isn’t feeling that though so he ducks, hits a chair shot and then the Pedigree ends this.

Rating: B-. Not bad here as they had some close calls and some decent stuff in about 22 minutes. As always they can’t have a classic so this is about as good as it gets for these two. HHH wasn’t a lock to win which helps it out a lot. Cage matches are hard to make believable but they came somewhat close here. Not bad at all for the main event of a b-level show.

Overall Rating: B. All things considered, this was rather good. You have a great match with Jericho vs. Shawn and the worst match is the opener, which oddly enough had Cena in it. I still don’t get that one. Anyway, this was a very good show overall which might have had to do with the total lack of anything resembling expectations for it. 2008 was a bad year for WWE as was 2009, which is what’s up next as we wrap up Judgment Day.

 

[amazing_blue]

Nice review, man. I'm really digging all of these.

I think that 2008 was a decent year for the WWE, at least on the SmackDown side of things. And SmackDown in the summer of 2009 was very, very good. I'd say 2007 was a much worse year for the WWE but that's just me.

 

[klunderbunker]

Judgment Day 2009
Date: May 17, 2009
Location: Allstate Arena, Rosemont, Illinois
Attendance: 13,433
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews, Jim Ross, Todd Grisham

We wrap up this series with this as I’m fed up with this series to put it mildly. Anyway the main event here is Edge vs. Jeff for the title in a regular match for the sake of novelty I guess. We also get Cena vs. Big Show in a non-title and Batista vs. Orton in part of the feud that never ended it seemed. Oh and more IC Title fun with Rey and Jericho. Can’t complain there. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is of course about the main matches and how they’re all evil and all that jazz. The villains will be punished on Judgment Day apparently.

CM Punk vs. Umaga

Punk is Mr. MITB again and is the hometown hero here so it’s pretty obvious that he loses here. These two had a weird mini-feud for no apparent reason. Punk beat Edge in a regular match and then wanted to cash in MITB but Umaga popped up to attack him. Huge CM Punk chant to start of course as Punk hammers away. Umaga uses basic power to take him down as the fans keep chanting in vain.

Apparently Punk was grand marshal of the Thanksgiving Day parade in Chicago last year. Off to the nerve hold as this has gotten very boring in a hurry. Umaga works on the arm which usually I would call psychology but WHY WOULD A SAMOAN MONSTER WORK ON AN ARM??? Back to the arm as I can’t believe Umaga, a big fat Samoan monster, is working on the arm.

This is a fine example of stupid attempts at psychology by people that don’t get it at all. This would be like Big Show trying to go to the top. It doesn’t make sense for someone of his size and power to do that. Back at Wrestlemania 13 in the main event between Sid and Taker, Shawn was on commentary and pointed out that Sid didn’t need to do anything but power stuff because it got him wherever he wanted to go.

That’s the case here. Why would Umaga try to be all technical? He’s big, strong, fat and crazy. It makes sense for him to use his power and size advantages and a lot of strikes on Punk, but instead he’s working the arm. Pitiful attempt to look smart by someone that flat out doesn’t get it and it’s very clear that he doesn’t.

For some reason Punk tries to slam him and actually gets him up before the fat boy falls on him for two. Punk’s ribs would be hurt in theory, so naturally Umaga goes to the nerve hold again. Middle rope headbutt misses and Punk has an opening now. Punk sends him to the floor and dives on him to put the fat boy down. Punk strikes away and finally managed to get him down with a middle rope bulldog for two. Top rope clothesline gets two also.

GTS doesn’t work but the Samoan Drop does, more or less killing Punk dead but only good for two. He loads up the Spike because when you think Samoans, you think thumbs to the neck. Punk fires off some kicks but Umaga is like AGOOBABYABA WAHMAHA and sends him into the corner with kicks and the running back smash to the face. Samoan Spike ends this clean.

Rating: C. Not sure I get the point in having Punk lose here since he would get the world title in like two months. Umaga would be released in less than a month and be dead before the end of the year so this was one of his very last highlights. Anyway, not a bad opener but kind of a headscratcher from a booking standpoint.

Chavo tells Vickie that Cena can wrestle tonight. Big Show is in the office too as I think this was after their weird romance. Show had been drafted to Raw and helped Edge win a last man standing match against Cena, setting up their match tonight. Show says he’s taking Cena out and Vickie says if he does, someone else will step up. This is one of those that needs context I think.

Edge pops in and says he needs to speak to his wife. Show and Chavo leave and we cut away so we’re not sure what the topic was. Tupperware and Girl Scout Cookies I’d bet.

We get something like a recap of Christian vs. Swagger. There isn’t much to say though as the whole thing is Christian beat him for the title at Backlash, using an exposed buckle and this is the rematch. Literally, that’s it.

ECW Title: Christian vs. Jack Swagger

Christian gets in the first strike but is sent to the floor quickly where the chase is on. Killswitch is tried quickly but Swagger gets to a rope. We hit the mat and of course Christian is in trouble there. Swagger gets sent to the floor again and Christian speeds things up a bit with a dropkick to the ribs and a dive over the top to the floor. Swagger works on the ribs and sends him into the post back first.

Vader Bomb gets knees and Christian adds a middle rope back elbow (still love that move) puts Jackie boy down. Christian jumps at Swagger and gets caught in a near Oklahoma Stampede but escapes that as well, getting two on a rollup. Pendulum kick and make it a pair sends Swagger backwards. Swagger grabs an Oklahoma Roll for one but can’t get the Red White and Blue Bomb (I know I heard it called that at least once).

Jumping belly to belly suplex off the middle rope gets two for Swagger as he continues to channel his inner (read as rip off/copy) Kurt Angle. Christian gets a rollup for two and then a double clothesline puts both guys down. Reverse tornado DDT out of the corner gets two for the Captain but he can’t get the Killswitch. Powerbomb doesn’t work again so Christian pulls the straps down to try the Killswitch but still can’t get it. Instead he rolls him up and uses tights like a heel for the pin. Striker mentions something about the straps being down being disrespectful in amateur wrestling or something because he talks too much.

Rating: C+. Just a regular match here with nothing particularly great going on at all. They did their thing out there and luckily enough they had the chemistry to make it work out fine. This could have been on ECW but they did it rather well I thought. Christian would never really do much with the title other than being champion and that’s about it.

Edge comes out of Vickie’s office (aren’t we lucky that their talk lasted the length of a match?) and says he doesn’t need to explain to Chavo what the meeting was about. This is about Santina apparently.

Shelton Benjamin vs. John Morrison

Shelton has Charlie Haas with him here as he had nothing else to do with his time I guess. Morrison has been a face for less than three weeks at this point so this is easily his biggest match to date as one. Shelton is the Gold Standard here and I never got what the point of that was in the slightest. The crowd more or less died completely as soon as the bell rang. Shelton hits the floor and the booing begins.

Morrison tries a plancha and slips so he tries it again and makes us forget about it, hitting a HUGE springboard 450 to land right on top (kind of) of Shelton and managing to draw a mild Morrison chant. Morrison gets crotched and sent to the floor for a bit as Shelton takes over one more time. Shelton rubs John’s face into the mat for lack of any other kind of offensive skills.

Benjamin is a guy that I never got the point of having as a heel. His offense is based on being incredibly athletic and awesome, yet they made him a generic heel who had gold hair. That’s WWE for you I guess. Off to a sleeper by Shelton to further kill the crowd. Morrison fights out of it and they collide, sending both guys down. Morrison FINALLY speeds things up a bit and gets a Russian leg sweep for two.

And never mind as Shelton takes Morrison down again with a backbreaker to make sure that we don’t get the crowd going or get anything interesting happening. Shining Wizard gets two for Johnny Boy as JR references the Doors. John tries the springboard spin kick but Shelton catches him in what is allegedly a buckle bomb which didn’t have a bomb and didn’t hit the buckle but you get the idea. Shelton counters a monkey flip and down goes Haas as we make sure he’s still alive. Morrison hits the kick and Starship Pain finishes clean.

Rating: C. For the life of me I don’t get why they put Shelton out there the way they did. He could have been awesome in a Morrison type role so of course they made him a generic heel that did athletic stuff maybe once a year. Weak match as they completely wasted Morrison here, which is par for the course a lot of the time.

Here’s the freshly single Miz who still has the hat. He’s been calling out Cena lately which was ignored for a long time. That makes sense too. I mean, who would ever believe Miz could face Cena in a big match? It’s more likely to have Rock come back than that to happen right? He congratulates Marty Jan….oh sorry John Morrison for a good match.

He talks about Cena as the fans shout WHAT, apparently sounding like a bunch of ducks. Miz challenges someone to be a substitute for Cena and he doesn’t get why everyone loves him. Time to make fun of the Cubs a bit, some of which are in attendance tonight, namely Alfonso Soriano. Miz runs down the Cubs’ inability to win a World Series and says if Soriano doesn’t like this his options are to either win a World Series or get in the ring as Cena’s surrogate.

Miz gets a phone call from Lou Pinella (Cubs’ manager at the time) saying Soriano can’t do it as he’d rather Soriano get hurt on the field. That makes it a forfeiture, meaning he’s 4-0 which is something the Cubs haven’t done in over 100 years. He sets for the catchphrase but here’s Santino of all people. He’s here to defend his fellow Italian (Soriano is Cuban) against The Fiz. Wrestlers are resembling animals apparently, such as Vickie like a pig, Kozlov like Sam the Eagle (Muppets) and Miz is a jackass.

Miz says he has no problem beating up Santino since Cena isn’t here. Santino hopes Miz brought his metal detector. Why a metal detector you ask? BECAUSE OF THESE GUNS BABY! They brawl and Miz finally takes him down with a DDT. We’re still not done with this segment as Chavo comes out and drops a Frog Splash on Santino.

Jericho says that there’s a conspiracy against him on Fridays because he’s the most talented person of his generation but they get behind Rey because he plays to the fans. There will be no 619 tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Jericho

These two traded the title for months. It’s Rey’s at the moment. 619 is attempted in a hurry so Rey hits the floor. Chicago, smarks to the end, cheers for Jericho. Jericho sends him to the floor but can’t catch up to him. Seated senton off the apron keeps Rey in control. Rey gets a legdrop while Jericho is in the ropes for two. Jericho sends him outside again and gets his springboard dropkick to knock Rey off the apron.

Ross talks about the history both guys have in this building as Jericho debuted here and Rey won his first world title here. Off to a chinlock and Jericho wants the referee to ASK HIM. Enziguri looks to set up the 619 but Jericho counters with a backdrop for two. They speed things up a bit and Jericho gets a tilt-a-whirl into something resembling Shock Treatment for two.

Amazingly enough Jericho runs his mouth to Rey, saying come on Mr. 619. He puts Rey on top and goes for the mask. That gets him a seated senton for his efforts and Rey may have tweeked his knee on the landing. Rey tries to speed things up a bit but Jericho reverses an electric chair into a Walls of Jericho attempt. Backbreaker gets two for Chris. Another 619 attempt results in another Walls attempt.

That same sequence happens again and the Walls FINALLY go on and Rey is in trouble. The crowd popping hard for the underdog being tortured is rather funny for some reason. Rey crawls to the ropes but Jericho, ever the sadist, pulls back to the middle. Rey escapes into a cradle for two. Big powerbomb by Jericho gets two. Out of nowhere Rey sends him into the corner, drills a 619 and the springboard splash ends this clean.

Rating: B. Allegedly the title was supposed to change here but Rey said that wouldn’t be a long enough reign for him. The problem here is their match at The Bash was even better and a classic, which makes this kind of pale in comparison. Still though this was a very good match as you have a guy that can keep up with Rey in there and the match gets far better. Good stuff here and I’d bet on it being the match of the night with a good bit of confidence.

We recap Batista vs. Orton which is part of the Legacy thing and Orton vs. the McMahons. Batista rose up to fight him and turned down a spot as more or less Orton’s lackey in Legacy. Orton punted him so Batista was out for months which is the other part of this whole hatred thing.

Raw World Title: Batista vs. Randy Orton

Orton hides on the floor for the big match intros. After some quick stalling it’s off to a headlock by Big Dave. Orton stalls some more as he’s very tentative to fight Batista. The fans are again behind Orton here so Batista takes his head off with a clothesline. Suplex gets two. Orton sends him to the floor as this is in below first gear. Dropkick knock Batista off the apron as we head to the floor.

This is during the very boring period for Orton so he stands around a lot and doesn’t really do anything. Kneedrop gets two. Hey it’s a chinlock in an Orton match. Who would have bet on that one? Backbreaker gets two as this is taking way too long. Here’s the Garvin Stomp. For some reason I have an issue with getting hyped up for stepping on a guy’s foot.

Back to the chinlock which Batista escapes with a suplex. They do some bad slugging and Orton takes him down with a dropkick. Orton can’t do much but he can nail that like few others can. There’s the elevated DDT for two with both legs wrapped up. Orton sets for the Punt but gets speared down. More slugging out goes to Big Dave and the Animal is ENRAGED, yes ENRAGED I TELL YOU!!! Powerslam gets two. I guess he wasn’t raging enough.

Orton hits the floor and wants the countout to retain but even Batista isn’t that stupid. After a very weak chase Orton grabs the post to try to hide. That gets him nowhere so it’s chair time. Batista goes up top (!!!) and half kills Orton with a shoulder block for a close two. Batista Bomb is set up but Orton bails to the floor and tries to leave with the title. Back in the spinebuster looks to set up the Batista Bomb but Orton counters. RKO doesn’t hit so Batista gets rammed into the post. They head into the corner and Orton slaps the referee for the CHEAP BEYOND BELIEF DQ.

Rating: F. I was on the verge of falling asleep for the entire match and we get THAT for an ending? Orton was so boring at this point that it was unreal with this being exhibit A. He ran, he cowered, his offense SUCKED and the whole thing came off as one big joke. Terrible match and one of the least interesting ones I’ve ever seen.

Legacy comes in for the beatdown and Ric Freaking Flair comes out for the save. This would lead to Flair and Orton having a “fight” on Raw because that’s what wrestling promoters think people want to see.

It hadn’t occurred to me until now but I was at Raw the next night. Means nothing here but that’s kind of cool I guess, at least for me.

We recap Show vs. Cena which started before Mania but escalated last month at Backlash where Show threw Cena through a light, costing him the match and the title. Show beat up Cena before he was medically cleared because he’s a bad guy you see.

John Cena vs. Big Show

Cena appears to be healthy here. He tries to use some speed moves but might have hurt himself rolling around. What a shock: his ribs are hurt. Has there ever been a big time face that hasn’t had bad ribs at some point in their career? The fans are of course all over Cena here because that’s what you’re supposed to do. Show gets his first shot into the ribs and the beating begins.

Show throws a lot of punches and moves very slowly. Side slam gets two. Cena gets sent to the floor and Show rams the ribs into the post. Colossal Clutch doesn’t go on and here comes Cena. Never mind as Show uses the power of fat to take him down again. Show yells a lot and doesn’t do much else.

We go to the bearhug because that’s just what we do here. Cena gets crushed in the corner as I’d love to be unconscious like he is at the moment. It has to be more interesting than watching this. Show is scowling now so you know he’s all ticked off. Cena makes his required comeback to take Show down and Show can’t see him. You know John, I think he can. I think he can.

Five Knuckle Shuffle hits but Cena gets caught in a chokeslam attempt. Cena gets a DDT to reverse that but Show it just too big for the STF. It’s like a high chair for him like that I guess. Show takes him down again and hits a Vader Bomb which really should be it but since Cena ate extra Fruity Pebbles today he’s out at two.

Cena rolls out of the way of the second one but still can’t get the STF. Show kicks him to the floor to stall some more as this David vs. Goliath match isn’t working very well at the moment. Cena gets a big boot of all things (Show was bent over so it doesn’t annoy me as much) and the top rope Fameasser puts Show down. Cena still can’t get him in the STF so Show hits an Alley-Oop instead. Show loads up the right hand but walks into the FU to end this. Well of course he did.

Rating: D. Match was boring again but a lot of that is due to the story they had. The idea here was that Show was too big to do anything with so the ending was Cena was just like screw it and did it anyway. They would have another match the next month which had an even dumber ending and then a match on Raw to FINALLY end this. Back to back bad matches don’t signal a good sign for the show here but I’ve been wrong before.

We recap Edge vs. Hardy who are joined at the hip or something. This is about a culture clash or something with Edge being a predator and Hardy being a failure or something like that. This gets the music video treatment.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

So weird to think that one of these guys seems to be totally out of wrestling and the other might be out as this is being written. Jeff gets the teenage girl pop. Weird to see him having this kind of energy. This of course gets bit match intros. Jeff works the arm to start us off and that eats up a few minutes. We hear about Edge being one of the people that has won every active WWE (meaning ECW was out of the equation) title. Rep to whoever can rep me with the second without using Wikipedia.

Jeff takes it to the floor with a dive but Edge avoids a Whisper in the Wind to get us back to even. Spear to the back puts Jeff on the floor as Edge stops for a breather. Off to the bow and arrow as JR sneakily says that you can’t keep taking risks. Twist of Fate is blocked and Edge gets a shot to the back for two. Jawbreaker and gordbuster looks to set up the Swanton but it turns into a cross body which misses.

Grisham makes ANOTHER all-in reference as I’m fed up with these poker analogies. Yes, we get it, Jeff gambles in the ring. NOW FIND A NEW METAPHOR! Jeff speeds things up a bit and hits a clothesline to take control. Blast it Scott Armstrong is the referee and he has that hitch in his count. Never been able to stand that thing and he keeps doing it over and over again.

Now the cross body hits off the top for two. Small package gets two. Edge tries an Impaler (actually called that) but Jeff counters into….my goodness he countered into a Sharpshooter. Edge makes the ropes which is good as can you imagine a Canadian losing a world title to a Sharpshooter? Twist of Fate out of nowhere gets two. Jeff is oddly controlling a lot of this.

And just as I say that Jeff grabs the slingshot dropkick but his powerbomb is countered into a sunset flip for two. They go up and Jeff grabs a sunset bomb for another close two. Out to the floor and Jeff sets up the announce table. Jeff tries to walk the railing so Edge pops up to spear him down off the railing and to the floor in a rather cool looking spot. Edge says count him but can only get nine.

Edge can’t spear him to the floor again as Jeff manages to get a Twist of Fate on the ropes and a slingshot legdrop for only two. This has gotten a lot better in the last five minutes or so. Out to the floor again and Jeff sets up the steps for Poetry in Motion against the barricade to send everyone out into the crowd.

As they’re getting back in, Matt Hardy allegedly pops up and drills Jeff with the cast to knock him cold. It’s only cold enough for two though so Edge fires off a spear. Jeff jumps over him and Edge hits the buckle so Jeff goes up (to huge booing) for the Swanton but Edge pops up and the Edgecution (they call it that too so I have no idea what the real name of the move is) ends this.

Rating: B. This got a lot better in the second half of it as you would expect. Jeff and Edge have solid chemistry together so this worked rather well as expected. The DDT looked more like a suplex but you have to give them a break on that. A superplex would have worked fine anyway here so it’s ok. Jeff would get the title in a ladder/TLC match next month and then lose it like five minutes later to Punk. Anyway, solid match.

Overall Rating: D+. Well that was the final Judgment Day and I can see why no one would want to keep this series around. The main event was good and Jericho vs. Rey was good, but the rest is just weak all around with nothing that you would want to go out of your way to see. A two match show when the two matches aren’t anything epic isn’t much of a show that you’re going to want to see so take a pass here.

Judgment Day is done now and next up I’ll be doing the One Night Stand series in a straight shot before moving on to Armageddon. As for this series, it’s very hit or miss. Some shows are solid but others are just bad. The earlier ones were better but that can be chalked up to the whole company being better at that time. Not much of a series but there are definitely worse ones out there. Overall, it’s alright but not much to see here.

 

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I wonder if Judgment Day 2009 will go down as the last PPV to feature nothing but singles matches.