klunderbunker
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Great American Bash 2000
Date: June 11, 2000
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 7,031
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson
Well I figured that since Im halfway through 2000 I might as well finish the year off and for some reason I thought it would be better to start adding one on to the end at a time. Anyway the main event is Jarrett vs. Nash for the title with a huge swerve that would be blasted from one end of the world to another but thats expected. The rest of the card is your usual WCW 2000 garbage so lets get to it.
There are cops waiting on Goldberg to get here because I guess he isnt here yet or something.
The opening video talks about the matches tonight, which has Flair vs. Flair and Hogan vs. Billy Kidman. Well ok then. No theme to it or anything, just a list of some matches.
Apparently Goldberg has been let out of a Nashville jail. Why is he in it? Who cares. Apparently he was in it though.
Cruiserweight Title: Disco Inferno vs. Lieutenant Loco
Loco is Chavo Guerrero and is champion here. Chavo says he has a surprise for Disco: and its something that the announcers arent thrilled with him having. I dont particularly care since theyre not sure either but apparently its something they would have gotten in trouble for having. Disco is part of the Filthy Animals here. Can we just look at Major Gunns and Tygress?
Everyone is chilling at ringside so it looks like a lumberjack match for the most part. Disco is in a Lakers jersey and Chavo is in blue camouflage so this is a rather weird looking match to say the least. Chavo takes over to start but Disco gets a hot shot to take over. And never mind as he gets sent to the floor for the quick beatdown by the Misfits. Scott dubs Disco the Hip Hop Inferno.
Big dive off the top by Chavo takes out Disco as this match is dragging badly. Its not that bad but its just a bit boring to say the least. Back in the rind and Disco gets a slam and dances a bit. Some old dude in a helmet wanders out to hit on Tygress. Apparently hes General Rections grandfather so Konnan shoves him down. While thats going on Juvy comes in and beats up Loco but Lash Leroux takes out Disco and puts Chavo on top for the pin.
Rating: D. What a freaking mess. You have Chavo who was incredible at this point and Disco who was well Chavo was incredible at this point so he more than could have carried a five minute match by himself. Instead this was a total wreck with no flow at all to it and barely any wrestling at all. Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be a running theme tonight?
Some very bad actors dressed as cops tell Bischoff and Miller that their surprise for Nash is safe.
The Mamalukes say theyll win. This results in a lot of bad Italian stereotypes. Apparently Vito claims to be the Hardcore Champion even though Johnny the Bull was supposed to be.
Order this show and get a Hulk Hogan ..inflatable raft? Dude ..why?
Kronik vs. Mamalukes
Winners are the #1 contenders. During the intros were assured that Goldberg WILL NOT be here tonight. Good to know indeed. The winner gets the Perfect Event. Apparently since the Mamalukes are in the New Blood they can defend the title using the Freebird Rule. Vito gets beaten down by Adams to start and they switch off. Clark hits a Rock Bottom to Johnny and the Italians are getting destroyed so far.
Vito comes back in and still has the belt on. I have a feeling thats going to be a running joke here. Clark gets chopped and smacked in the chest a few times as Tony talks about how the Mamalukes walked into WCW and won the tag titles. Yes, that doesnt bury the division in the slightest. Adams comes in to hammer on Johnny a bit. Full Nelson Slam kills Johnny for two. DDT gets no cover for Johnny as he brings in Vito instead.
Not that it really matters as Kronik hammers him down using the power of marijuana. Their name was Kronik and their finisher was called High Times. What do you think they were talking about? Clark botches what would become known as the F5, more or less dropping him on his head for two. Johnny comes in so Vito sits goes over and polishes the belt. A reverse cross body literally misses by four feet and High Times end Johnny a second later. Vito doesnt seem to mind.
Rating: C-. Just a match really as there was no real need for them to fight other than for the sake of being the #1 contenders. Not bad or anything, but I have no idea who I was supposed to cheer for out there. In other words, Russo lives! Let there be no defined faces or heels ever!!!
DDP has something special for Mike Awesome apparently.
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome
This is an ambulance match. Pages surprise is Chris Kanyon in a wheelchair after Awesome threw him off a cage and broke his neck or something. And of course, Kanyon will NEVER turn on DDP EVER! They head to the floor and then the crowd almost immediately. Page gets a shot in to send us back to ringside very quickly as this is a big brawl. They somehow change momentum three times in 10 seconds and make it four in 12.
The referee is down also but thats WCW for you. To the ring now as the referee is getting up a bit. Awesome comes off the top with a back elbow and a belly to back suplex has Page down. Tony thinks its odd that theres no surprise yet, even though Bischoff kept saying it was for NASH, who hadnt been seen yet. Awesome sets up a table as we talk about Kanyon a bit.
Powerbomb through the table as this is a match that was used in a clip on Whose Line Is It Anyway? Page is put on a stretcher because simply throwing him in the ambulance isnt enough I guess. Awesome gets a chair shot in and we head back to the ring because winning doesnt matter right? Top rope splash looks to kill Page and the second probably does. A third splash misses as Page is between a pair of chairs this time so he had to move right?
Heres Kimberly because Page is out there. Theyre having problems which were probably brought on by her heel turn. She hits DDP with a pipe so Miss Hancock (Stacy Keibler) comes out and drags her off. Theyre having problems also apparently. Awesome looks for an Awesome Bomb off the top but Page gets a low blow and a Diamond Cutter off the top. The medical people put him on a stretcher and here comes Bischoff to take out Kanyon. And of course Kanyon comes out of his wheelchair and hits a Diamond Cutter to end Page. Awesome wins with ease.
Rating: D. The match was junk, but lets take a look at the angle that ended the match. Kanyon was indeed thrown off a cage to the ramp. Its not like we saw that off camera or anything. DDP took care of him and then Kanyon betrays him for the people that tried to cripple him in less than a month? Are we really supposed to buy that Awesome was able to convince Kanyon that Page was the bad guy? Or that Kanyon was in on this all along and that he went along with being thrown around like that? And people wonder why Russos booking is so criticized.
The announcers point out how stupid this is.
Shawn Stasiak vs. G.I. Bro
And heres the latest way to waste a guy like Booker: hes a military guy when theres already a military themed stable. He comes in on a zip line like Shawn did at Mania 12, but at about 1/3 of the height and 1/10 of the speed. The announces speculate that Kanyon was the surprise because theyre not that smart. Oh apparently Booker is part of the MIA. It just wasnt mentioned until here.
This is a Boot Camp match, which means Last Man Standing. Why theyre fighting isnt required information but Id bet its MIA vs. New Blood. Theyre both in camo here because thats what you do in the army right? Booker takes him to the floor and hammers away as we go into the crowd. WEAK chair to the head (drawing slight booing) takes down Stasiak for all of a second. A horrible top rope forearm gets about seven.
Oh and dont worry: were willing to cut away to the back at the drop of a hat if Goldberg arrives. You know, because you paid your money to see a car pull into a parking lot 45 minutes into a show right? Jumping back elbow puts Booker down and they actually treat it like a move that could end this. Big spinwheel kick by Booker takes him down for no reaction for the most part.
Stasiak sends him to the floor and we head to the ramp for a suplex. Back in the ring as theres no heat on this match in the slightest. Back to the floor again as they have no idea what to do with nearly 14 minutes total for this match. Chair shot puts Booker down on the floor and back in the ring a gutwrench powerbomb gets 9. Time for a sleeper because this match isnt boring enough already.
The fans chant boring and I cant blame them in the slightest. This is what we mean when we say adding a gimmick for the sake of adding a gimmick. They cant even explain why these two are fighting and yet were supposed to want to see a gimmick match between them an hour into the show in the fifth slot? Theres no heat here and the only reason this gimmick is here is because someone has a military gimmick.
Book End hits out of nowhere and I dont bother waiting to hear what the stupid military name of that is. They call it a uranage suplex here but screw that. Of course it only gets like five but it sets up the missile dropkick, as in both of his finishers that cant take down Stasiak. Palumbo, Stasiaks partner, comes out with the Lex-Flexor exercise bar but hits Booker low anyway. A shot to the back of Booker puts him down as Tony rants against relaxed rules in a match with no rules. Booker gets up and mostly hits a double clothesline and beats up the tag champions on his own. A shot to Stasiak with the flexor ends this.
Rating: D-. Oh give me a break. Someone thought that Shawn freaking Stasiak was the best use of Booker T here? I mean come on now man. There was zero reason at all for this to be a gimmick match in the slightest so they went with it anyway. Guess what is up next: a gimmick match. After that, another gimmick match. Before this, another gimmick match. This is a great example of Russos writing in a nutshell and one of the better ones youll ever see. Oh and the match sucked, easily the worst last man standing match Ive ever seen.
Goldbergs monster truck is here.
Page might still be here.
Kanyon says hes positive DDP is gone. Make that Positively Kanyon. This was the start of Kanyons newest gimmick: he would imitate Page who had a new book out called Positively Page. This, of course, went nowhere of note. This somehow translates to Bischoff got to Kanyon in the hospital and brainwashed him. I give up.
The Wall vs. Shane Douglas
Douglas curses a lot before the match and apparently doesnt like Flair and Hogan. Now this is no longer a tables match as were going to make it a best of five tables matches with Shane saying now were guaranteed five tables being broken. Thank you for admitting youre going through at least two Shane. Ok now you have to put someone through five tables to win. PICK A RULE ALREADY!
Its first to five now. Ok, lets stick with that. Wall has a really stupid looking black goatee now so he looks like a cross between Hitler and Kurrgan. Again no reason given for why theyre fighting or anything because that would be important information right? Standard match to start as we continue to waste more time on this show. Douglas hits a suplex and a reverse Hennig neck snap.
Wall is sent onto a table but not through it. No one has gone through anything yet. They fight on the floor in maybe second gear at best. Shane tries a suplex through it but gets countered and Wall hits a chokeslam to go up 1-0. Wall blocks a shot into the post and gets a release belly to back suplex through the table as they change the rules in the middle of the match to make it best of five instead of first to five.
Back in the ring as Shane is totally fine after a pair of table breaks with a low blow. Shane wants to take it to the back but settles for by the stage instead. What a shock: there are a bunch of tables there with a ladder next to them. Shane goes up the ladder and there are either two tables on a stage or three in a row with a cloth over the bottom one. Wall has his back to the tables but wants a chokeslam anyway. Shane knocks him through it with brass knuckles as all of a sudden its just TWO tables again but they say Shane wins anyway as it switches from 3 to 2 to 3 again inside of five seconds. Just go on already.
Rating: F+. We get it: you can have gimmick matches. Was there a point to having this be a table match? Or even to have the match in the first place? NOT IMPORTANT!!! This is yet another stupid gimmick match as Russo treats its fans like idiots that are going to be easily fascinated by things being broken. Whatever dude.
Wall puts the referee through a table post match just because.
Hogan arrives, 75 minutes into the show in an old school Dodge Charger.
US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Tank Abbot
Scott is US Champion here and this may or may not be for the title. Well say it is anyway as it would make sense ..yeah lets just go with non-title. Its also in the Steel Asylum. Heres another brilliant idea of WCW. The Asylum is a small round cage about 10 feet in diameter that is lowered into the ring. No ropes or anything, just a small cage. And now Rick Steiner is added to the match to make it a handicap. Well sure why not.
US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Rick Steiner/Tank Abbott
Scott is a face here if that wasnt clear. Rick and Tank double team him for awhile and here comes the cage. The fans chant for Goldberg but even he couldnt save something this stupid. They destroy Scott for a minute or so until Tank pulls out a chain. Rick pulls a Lee Corso (that name wont mean anything to you if youre not from America or into college football) and says not so fast my friend. Abbott hits Rick with the chain, Scott gets a low blow, Recliner keeps the title on him. Ok so it was for the title. Good thing they waited until after the match to tell us it was in jeopardy no?
Rating: J. As in just .no. It runs less than four minutes, two of which are spent hammering on Scott before the whole cage thing came down. The stuff inside the little ring of death or whatever is maybe 90 seconds long and the whole thing is just stupid. I guess this was so they didnt need to have Steiner run or whatever. Just move on.
Flair is here, looking like Doc Brown from Back to the Future goes Hawaiian.
We recap Hogan vs. Kidman. Kidman got a fluke win over Hogan so this is the rematch. If Hogan wins, he gets a title shot next month (oh boy. Its THAT show) and if Kidman wins, Hogan retires. Hogans nephew Horace is refereeing and doesnt like his uncle.
Hogan says that hes not worried here because blood is thicker than New Blood. So old > new. Its like Hogans whole belief system broken down into one sentence. He mentions Goldberg and Nash and says if he gets into that itll be the good, the bad and the ugly.
Billy Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan
Horace comes out with Kidman. Kidman has some Shawn Michaels like pyro. Its the NWO theme for Hulk here. Kidman goes straight at him .and is destroyed pretty quickly. Theres the big boot maybe a minute in so Kidman hits the floor. Torrie has turned her back on Kidman. Meaning she WILL NOT be here right? Kidman has had no offense at all so far.
Back to the ring and its time for choking. Hogan gets in Horaces face which of course goes nowhere. Kidman comes back with some choking but a low blow with Horace looking right at them is ignored. Heres the weightlifting belt which is Hogan going EXTREME I guess. Back to the floor and Kidman dropkicks a chair into the face of baldie. That gets two in the ring as this is as riveting as it sounds.
Hogan continues to do almost nothing but punch and choke. Oh wait he rammed him into the railing twice. Hudson makes sure to let us know that were here because of Hogan and no one else PERIOD. Back to the ring as Kidman hits a DDT onto the chair that is so bad its booed before Kidman can even cover. I mean Kidman is off Hogan who then SLOWLY lowers his head down onto the chair. This is horrible.
Kidman gets two again and yells at Horace for calling it unfairly or something. The fans chant for Hogan who I think is the face here, making him out to be a huge bully for hammering on a guy half his size. Here comes the Hulk Up against the guy called the Flea Market Champion. There are ten punches in the corner and a running clothesline. Back to the floor for like the 4th time and Kidman is tossed through the table.
Heres Torrie so at least we have something to look at now. She hands Hulk brass knuckles because he needs them I guess. Kidman knocks Hulk into Torrie and her ankle is hurt. Kidman gets a shot with the knuckles in for two. Horace shoves Kidman and now lets get stupid as Kidman hits Horace with the knuckles. So if they were still on his hand, why didnt he hit Hogan with them again instead of choking him? Torrie hits Kidman low and a shot with the knucks to Kidman ends this. Oh and Hulk and Horace are cool again.
Rating: D-. Hey look: another stupid match with a way overbooked ending and a gimmick to it. Hogan was never going to job to Kidman twice and now Kidman looks like just as much of a joke as he did before this whole Hogan thing. Its the difference between a rub and being in the ring with someone. He wouldnt do anything after this other than feud with Shane Douglas which went nowhere. Its not a failure because Torrie looked good and thats about it.
Bischoff yells at a cop about life in general.
Bash at the Beach is coming, sponsored by Master Lock. Yes, a lock company is the best they can get at this point.
We recap David Flair vs. Ric Flair with the idea being that Russo has brainwashed David into thinking that Russo is the father that David never have and its a big Ric vs. Russo thing.
Russo says this is going to be fun.
Ric says this is going to be fun.
Rics family shows up.
Ric Flair vs. David Flair
If Ric loses he has to retire FOREVER (which is how it says it on the graphics). With Russo on the floor we actually gets some wrestling here as Ric does most of the work, namely because he has about 100x the talent. David chops away in the corner and actually takes over for a bit. You know Ric is going to sell for his oldest boy. Ric gets sent into the railing and takes a decent delayed vertical suplex for no cover.
And so much for Davids decent run as we hit a bad sleeper. Ric suplexes out of it and we have a very basic match going here. Davids shirt comes off as this is going very slowly here. Out to the floor as Ric takes over again. We need to get to the next match so I can use last names again. Russo interferes and takes out the knee of Ric and handcuffs him. So the referee had his back to Ric and Russo and all of a sudden Ric is in handcuffs .AND THATS ALL COOL??? And people wonder why this company was called stupid.
David puts on the Figure Four which gets him nowhere for the most part. It does get Russo to hold his hands. Does that mean theyre going steady? Reid Flair jumps the railing and hits Russo in the balls and steals the handcuff key. The referee gets the key as David beats up his brother and frees Ric. Rics wife or daughter (like you can tell) cuffs Russo and Ric taunts him a bit. Ric beats on David for awhile before putting him out of his misery with the Figure Four.
Rating: C. Somehow this was by far and away the best match of the night so far unless Im forgetting something. Its not that bad, mainly because they let Ric walk the far more inexperienced David through it. They didnt try to make this too complicated and that fits because David had very little experience and his character wasnt much of a wrestler anyway. Not too bad here I guess, all things considered.
Ric chops Russo a bit post match. Russo rants about various things, making a match for tomorrow night between Ric/Reid vs. Russo/David in another retirement match which would retire Flair.
We recap Vampiro vs. Sting with the idea being that its a human torch match. You have to light the other person on fire to win. Thats nothing like the Inferno match at all is it?
Vampiro vs. Sting
Theres a torch up by the video screen that you have to climb a ladder to get to. This isnt going to end well is it? Vampiro lights the torch and has a gas can near it. Theres an ambulance and firefighters here for this. Russo must be loving this. Sting pulls the torch up above the screen as I mentioned before. Sting wants to know if Vampiro is afraid of heights because if Vampy wants Sting he has to come up here.
Vampiro yells a lot and we stand around a lot. Sting repels down and its time for the actual match to start. They fight in the ring as I have a feeling this is going to end badly. Spinwheel kick takes Sting down so Sting comes back even faster with a powerslam and a bunch of clotheslines. Stinger splash misses in the corner so Vampiro pours gasoline on Sting.
As always, in a huge arena, the announcers can smell the fuel many feet away. They fight up the ramp and climb up the structure with Sting getting kicked off. The announcers say thats it so Vampiro keeps climbing. Sting climbs up anyway and there go the lights as we attempt to conceal the obvious switch that is coming up. They fight on top of the screen and even with the camera where it is you can barely see anything.
And them Vampy grabs the torch and lights Sting on fire. Sting dives off the screen to a crash pad and Vampiro wins. He must have really been burned badly because between falling down up there and the jump he lost about 3 inches of hair and shrunk a good 4 inches. Thats some powerful fire.
Rating: N/A. Yeah this wasnt wrestling. This is one of those matches that is so stupid it defies logic. This is what I recommend doing in this situation: picture the booker/writer pitching this idea to say Jack Brisco, Lou Thesz and Harley Race. If the reaction is either a blank stare, massive amounts of angry cursing or a right cross, ITS NOT A GOOD FREAKING IDEA!
Bischoff is talked to by some blonde chick in the back and doesnt want to talk right now. Theres no big surprise. What is this, Monster A Go-Go?
WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash
Lets get this over with. Ernest Miller comes out before the match and introduces the Filthy Animals, as in New Blood cronies (despite them leaving like a week before) to be bell ringer and time keeper and all that jazz. Oh and Miller is referee. Nash shoves him around a lot to start until the Animals distract Nash to let Jarrett taker over. Jeff is champion if I didnt mention that.
Miller is on the floor. Nash hammers on Jarrett and literally everyone stops to look at the entrance and nothing happens. Now back to the match. Weird indeed. Snake Eyes puts Jarrett into the replacement announce table and we go into the crowd. Back to the ring after Nash beats on Jarrett a bit and its Jeff with chair shots to the knee. This is one of those matches where stuff goes on but nothing is really happening.
Jarrett works on the leg for a good while as were clearly filling in time before the whole surprise thing happens. No one buys that the surprise isnt happen, so I dont know why we have to waste 15 minutes before we get to it. Half crab to Nash who wont give up because raising your arm three times in a row is too much effort I guess. Theres the figure four as we waste even more time.
The hold goes on for a very long time to the point where most people would have broken their leg already but since its Nash he gets to just roll around a bit while barely grimacing. Nash tries to get to his feet but Konnan hits him in the hands with the bell for a two count for Jeff. Nash, despite being in the figure four for two minutes after about five minutes of leg work and a shot to the head with a metal bell from a professional athlete, is able to take over and actually run to the corner to take out Rey.
Belt shot gets two as Disco makes the save. Juvy gets in a chair shot to take over as the fans chant for Goldberg. Miller comes in to referee with a two count as this is a total mess. The Animals get beaten down as Nash is fighting seven guys to a stalemate. Jarrett, the world champion, hits his finisher for only two. Well of course it was only two. I mean hes just the world champion after all.
Guitar shot misses and Jarrett walks into a chokeslam for two as Miller has something in his eye. Tony actually shouts BOGUS a few times. Powerbomb to Miller and one to Jarrett but the third referee is taken out by Rick Steiner. Tank Abbott tries to come out but somehow Scott Steiner cuts him off. If Steiner wanted to help, WHERE WAS HE WHEN THERE WERE LIKE EIGHT GUYS ON NASH???
Everyone beats on Nash including a Bronco Buster from an unmasked Rey. And cue a big noise as Goldberg is here in his monster truck. Maybe thats what the sound was earlier? His music kicks on and the place erupts. Goldberg is here .and he joins the New Blood with one of the worst spears youll ever see. Yes, the ultra star of the company, the ONE guy they still had that was a big face draw, is added to the super heel group as a Bischoff/Jarrett/Russo lackey. Jarrett gets the academic pin and the SHOCKED celebration ends this mess.
Rating: F. You mean, in a Bischoff/Russo booked company, there was a big time face that apparently had been in league with the big heel group the entire time and it was SHOCKING to end a PPV? WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? The match was awful as Nash wouldnt sell, the insanity of it was stupid, and Jarrett looked like a guy off Tough Enough.
Trash pelts the ring to end this show.
Overall Rating: F-. I have no idea what they were going for here but it was one of the worst shows Ive watched in a long time. The gimmicks were WAY too much and none of them worked at all. You had some bad wrestling, horrid gimmicks, a REALLY stupid heel turn to end the show, and Hogan as #1 contender. Lets talk about that heel turn for a bit actually.
In essence what they were going with was Nash, Hogan and Steiner as the top faces against Bischoff, Russo, Jarrett and Goldberg. In other words, the old guys are the faces and the young guys (if Jarrett counts as a young guy) are the heels. There was one issue with this: Goldberg was so ridiculously popular at this point that he was cheered every time he was on camera, which shows one of two things.
One, Russo has no idea what a face is. Oh wait, according to him faces and heels mean nothing. Second, WCW is really freaking stupid. That much is a given so lets go back to the first part. Assuming what he says is true (it isnt) then why are there factions or matches at all? Oh thats right again: Russo doesnt like having wrestling on his shows. Tell me again, why is this guy praised so much?
Anyway, AWFUL show here and somehow it would only get worse with the absolute mess they had the next month with Hogan and Russo clashing.
Date: June 11, 2000
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 7,031
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson
Well I figured that since Im halfway through 2000 I might as well finish the year off and for some reason I thought it would be better to start adding one on to the end at a time. Anyway the main event is Jarrett vs. Nash for the title with a huge swerve that would be blasted from one end of the world to another but thats expected. The rest of the card is your usual WCW 2000 garbage so lets get to it.
There are cops waiting on Goldberg to get here because I guess he isnt here yet or something.
The opening video talks about the matches tonight, which has Flair vs. Flair and Hogan vs. Billy Kidman. Well ok then. No theme to it or anything, just a list of some matches.
Apparently Goldberg has been let out of a Nashville jail. Why is he in it? Who cares. Apparently he was in it though.
Cruiserweight Title: Disco Inferno vs. Lieutenant Loco
Loco is Chavo Guerrero and is champion here. Chavo says he has a surprise for Disco: and its something that the announcers arent thrilled with him having. I dont particularly care since theyre not sure either but apparently its something they would have gotten in trouble for having. Disco is part of the Filthy Animals here. Can we just look at Major Gunns and Tygress?
Everyone is chilling at ringside so it looks like a lumberjack match for the most part. Disco is in a Lakers jersey and Chavo is in blue camouflage so this is a rather weird looking match to say the least. Chavo takes over to start but Disco gets a hot shot to take over. And never mind as he gets sent to the floor for the quick beatdown by the Misfits. Scott dubs Disco the Hip Hop Inferno.
Big dive off the top by Chavo takes out Disco as this match is dragging badly. Its not that bad but its just a bit boring to say the least. Back in the rind and Disco gets a slam and dances a bit. Some old dude in a helmet wanders out to hit on Tygress. Apparently hes General Rections grandfather so Konnan shoves him down. While thats going on Juvy comes in and beats up Loco but Lash Leroux takes out Disco and puts Chavo on top for the pin.
Rating: D. What a freaking mess. You have Chavo who was incredible at this point and Disco who was well Chavo was incredible at this point so he more than could have carried a five minute match by himself. Instead this was a total wreck with no flow at all to it and barely any wrestling at all. Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be a running theme tonight?
Some very bad actors dressed as cops tell Bischoff and Miller that their surprise for Nash is safe.
The Mamalukes say theyll win. This results in a lot of bad Italian stereotypes. Apparently Vito claims to be the Hardcore Champion even though Johnny the Bull was supposed to be.
Order this show and get a Hulk Hogan ..inflatable raft? Dude ..why?
Kronik vs. Mamalukes
Winners are the #1 contenders. During the intros were assured that Goldberg WILL NOT be here tonight. Good to know indeed. The winner gets the Perfect Event. Apparently since the Mamalukes are in the New Blood they can defend the title using the Freebird Rule. Vito gets beaten down by Adams to start and they switch off. Clark hits a Rock Bottom to Johnny and the Italians are getting destroyed so far.
Vito comes back in and still has the belt on. I have a feeling thats going to be a running joke here. Clark gets chopped and smacked in the chest a few times as Tony talks about how the Mamalukes walked into WCW and won the tag titles. Yes, that doesnt bury the division in the slightest. Adams comes in to hammer on Johnny a bit. Full Nelson Slam kills Johnny for two. DDT gets no cover for Johnny as he brings in Vito instead.
Not that it really matters as Kronik hammers him down using the power of marijuana. Their name was Kronik and their finisher was called High Times. What do you think they were talking about? Clark botches what would become known as the F5, more or less dropping him on his head for two. Johnny comes in so Vito sits goes over and polishes the belt. A reverse cross body literally misses by four feet and High Times end Johnny a second later. Vito doesnt seem to mind.
Rating: C-. Just a match really as there was no real need for them to fight other than for the sake of being the #1 contenders. Not bad or anything, but I have no idea who I was supposed to cheer for out there. In other words, Russo lives! Let there be no defined faces or heels ever!!!
DDP has something special for Mike Awesome apparently.
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome
This is an ambulance match. Pages surprise is Chris Kanyon in a wheelchair after Awesome threw him off a cage and broke his neck or something. And of course, Kanyon will NEVER turn on DDP EVER! They head to the floor and then the crowd almost immediately. Page gets a shot in to send us back to ringside very quickly as this is a big brawl. They somehow change momentum three times in 10 seconds and make it four in 12.
The referee is down also but thats WCW for you. To the ring now as the referee is getting up a bit. Awesome comes off the top with a back elbow and a belly to back suplex has Page down. Tony thinks its odd that theres no surprise yet, even though Bischoff kept saying it was for NASH, who hadnt been seen yet. Awesome sets up a table as we talk about Kanyon a bit.
Powerbomb through the table as this is a match that was used in a clip on Whose Line Is It Anyway? Page is put on a stretcher because simply throwing him in the ambulance isnt enough I guess. Awesome gets a chair shot in and we head back to the ring because winning doesnt matter right? Top rope splash looks to kill Page and the second probably does. A third splash misses as Page is between a pair of chairs this time so he had to move right?
Heres Kimberly because Page is out there. Theyre having problems which were probably brought on by her heel turn. She hits DDP with a pipe so Miss Hancock (Stacy Keibler) comes out and drags her off. Theyre having problems also apparently. Awesome looks for an Awesome Bomb off the top but Page gets a low blow and a Diamond Cutter off the top. The medical people put him on a stretcher and here comes Bischoff to take out Kanyon. And of course Kanyon comes out of his wheelchair and hits a Diamond Cutter to end Page. Awesome wins with ease.
Rating: D. The match was junk, but lets take a look at the angle that ended the match. Kanyon was indeed thrown off a cage to the ramp. Its not like we saw that off camera or anything. DDP took care of him and then Kanyon betrays him for the people that tried to cripple him in less than a month? Are we really supposed to buy that Awesome was able to convince Kanyon that Page was the bad guy? Or that Kanyon was in on this all along and that he went along with being thrown around like that? And people wonder why Russos booking is so criticized.
The announcers point out how stupid this is.
Shawn Stasiak vs. G.I. Bro
And heres the latest way to waste a guy like Booker: hes a military guy when theres already a military themed stable. He comes in on a zip line like Shawn did at Mania 12, but at about 1/3 of the height and 1/10 of the speed. The announces speculate that Kanyon was the surprise because theyre not that smart. Oh apparently Booker is part of the MIA. It just wasnt mentioned until here.
This is a Boot Camp match, which means Last Man Standing. Why theyre fighting isnt required information but Id bet its MIA vs. New Blood. Theyre both in camo here because thats what you do in the army right? Booker takes him to the floor and hammers away as we go into the crowd. WEAK chair to the head (drawing slight booing) takes down Stasiak for all of a second. A horrible top rope forearm gets about seven.
Oh and dont worry: were willing to cut away to the back at the drop of a hat if Goldberg arrives. You know, because you paid your money to see a car pull into a parking lot 45 minutes into a show right? Jumping back elbow puts Booker down and they actually treat it like a move that could end this. Big spinwheel kick by Booker takes him down for no reaction for the most part.
Stasiak sends him to the floor and we head to the ramp for a suplex. Back in the ring as theres no heat on this match in the slightest. Back to the floor again as they have no idea what to do with nearly 14 minutes total for this match. Chair shot puts Booker down on the floor and back in the ring a gutwrench powerbomb gets 9. Time for a sleeper because this match isnt boring enough already.
The fans chant boring and I cant blame them in the slightest. This is what we mean when we say adding a gimmick for the sake of adding a gimmick. They cant even explain why these two are fighting and yet were supposed to want to see a gimmick match between them an hour into the show in the fifth slot? Theres no heat here and the only reason this gimmick is here is because someone has a military gimmick.
Book End hits out of nowhere and I dont bother waiting to hear what the stupid military name of that is. They call it a uranage suplex here but screw that. Of course it only gets like five but it sets up the missile dropkick, as in both of his finishers that cant take down Stasiak. Palumbo, Stasiaks partner, comes out with the Lex-Flexor exercise bar but hits Booker low anyway. A shot to the back of Booker puts him down as Tony rants against relaxed rules in a match with no rules. Booker gets up and mostly hits a double clothesline and beats up the tag champions on his own. A shot to Stasiak with the flexor ends this.
Rating: D-. Oh give me a break. Someone thought that Shawn freaking Stasiak was the best use of Booker T here? I mean come on now man. There was zero reason at all for this to be a gimmick match in the slightest so they went with it anyway. Guess what is up next: a gimmick match. After that, another gimmick match. Before this, another gimmick match. This is a great example of Russos writing in a nutshell and one of the better ones youll ever see. Oh and the match sucked, easily the worst last man standing match Ive ever seen.
Goldbergs monster truck is here.
Page might still be here.
Kanyon says hes positive DDP is gone. Make that Positively Kanyon. This was the start of Kanyons newest gimmick: he would imitate Page who had a new book out called Positively Page. This, of course, went nowhere of note. This somehow translates to Bischoff got to Kanyon in the hospital and brainwashed him. I give up.
The Wall vs. Shane Douglas
Douglas curses a lot before the match and apparently doesnt like Flair and Hogan. Now this is no longer a tables match as were going to make it a best of five tables matches with Shane saying now were guaranteed five tables being broken. Thank you for admitting youre going through at least two Shane. Ok now you have to put someone through five tables to win. PICK A RULE ALREADY!
Its first to five now. Ok, lets stick with that. Wall has a really stupid looking black goatee now so he looks like a cross between Hitler and Kurrgan. Again no reason given for why theyre fighting or anything because that would be important information right? Standard match to start as we continue to waste more time on this show. Douglas hits a suplex and a reverse Hennig neck snap.
Wall is sent onto a table but not through it. No one has gone through anything yet. They fight on the floor in maybe second gear at best. Shane tries a suplex through it but gets countered and Wall hits a chokeslam to go up 1-0. Wall blocks a shot into the post and gets a release belly to back suplex through the table as they change the rules in the middle of the match to make it best of five instead of first to five.
Back in the ring as Shane is totally fine after a pair of table breaks with a low blow. Shane wants to take it to the back but settles for by the stage instead. What a shock: there are a bunch of tables there with a ladder next to them. Shane goes up the ladder and there are either two tables on a stage or three in a row with a cloth over the bottom one. Wall has his back to the tables but wants a chokeslam anyway. Shane knocks him through it with brass knuckles as all of a sudden its just TWO tables again but they say Shane wins anyway as it switches from 3 to 2 to 3 again inside of five seconds. Just go on already.
Rating: F+. We get it: you can have gimmick matches. Was there a point to having this be a table match? Or even to have the match in the first place? NOT IMPORTANT!!! This is yet another stupid gimmick match as Russo treats its fans like idiots that are going to be easily fascinated by things being broken. Whatever dude.
Wall puts the referee through a table post match just because.
Hogan arrives, 75 minutes into the show in an old school Dodge Charger.
US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Tank Abbot
Scott is US Champion here and this may or may not be for the title. Well say it is anyway as it would make sense ..yeah lets just go with non-title. Its also in the Steel Asylum. Heres another brilliant idea of WCW. The Asylum is a small round cage about 10 feet in diameter that is lowered into the ring. No ropes or anything, just a small cage. And now Rick Steiner is added to the match to make it a handicap. Well sure why not.
US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Rick Steiner/Tank Abbott
Scott is a face here if that wasnt clear. Rick and Tank double team him for awhile and here comes the cage. The fans chant for Goldberg but even he couldnt save something this stupid. They destroy Scott for a minute or so until Tank pulls out a chain. Rick pulls a Lee Corso (that name wont mean anything to you if youre not from America or into college football) and says not so fast my friend. Abbott hits Rick with the chain, Scott gets a low blow, Recliner keeps the title on him. Ok so it was for the title. Good thing they waited until after the match to tell us it was in jeopardy no?
Rating: J. As in just .no. It runs less than four minutes, two of which are spent hammering on Scott before the whole cage thing came down. The stuff inside the little ring of death or whatever is maybe 90 seconds long and the whole thing is just stupid. I guess this was so they didnt need to have Steiner run or whatever. Just move on.
Flair is here, looking like Doc Brown from Back to the Future goes Hawaiian.
We recap Hogan vs. Kidman. Kidman got a fluke win over Hogan so this is the rematch. If Hogan wins, he gets a title shot next month (oh boy. Its THAT show) and if Kidman wins, Hogan retires. Hogans nephew Horace is refereeing and doesnt like his uncle.
Hogan says that hes not worried here because blood is thicker than New Blood. So old > new. Its like Hogans whole belief system broken down into one sentence. He mentions Goldberg and Nash and says if he gets into that itll be the good, the bad and the ugly.
Billy Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan
Horace comes out with Kidman. Kidman has some Shawn Michaels like pyro. Its the NWO theme for Hulk here. Kidman goes straight at him .and is destroyed pretty quickly. Theres the big boot maybe a minute in so Kidman hits the floor. Torrie has turned her back on Kidman. Meaning she WILL NOT be here right? Kidman has had no offense at all so far.
Back to the ring and its time for choking. Hogan gets in Horaces face which of course goes nowhere. Kidman comes back with some choking but a low blow with Horace looking right at them is ignored. Heres the weightlifting belt which is Hogan going EXTREME I guess. Back to the floor and Kidman dropkicks a chair into the face of baldie. That gets two in the ring as this is as riveting as it sounds.
Hogan continues to do almost nothing but punch and choke. Oh wait he rammed him into the railing twice. Hudson makes sure to let us know that were here because of Hogan and no one else PERIOD. Back to the ring as Kidman hits a DDT onto the chair that is so bad its booed before Kidman can even cover. I mean Kidman is off Hogan who then SLOWLY lowers his head down onto the chair. This is horrible.
Kidman gets two again and yells at Horace for calling it unfairly or something. The fans chant for Hogan who I think is the face here, making him out to be a huge bully for hammering on a guy half his size. Here comes the Hulk Up against the guy called the Flea Market Champion. There are ten punches in the corner and a running clothesline. Back to the floor for like the 4th time and Kidman is tossed through the table.
Heres Torrie so at least we have something to look at now. She hands Hulk brass knuckles because he needs them I guess. Kidman knocks Hulk into Torrie and her ankle is hurt. Kidman gets a shot with the knuckles in for two. Horace shoves Kidman and now lets get stupid as Kidman hits Horace with the knuckles. So if they were still on his hand, why didnt he hit Hogan with them again instead of choking him? Torrie hits Kidman low and a shot with the knucks to Kidman ends this. Oh and Hulk and Horace are cool again.
Rating: D-. Hey look: another stupid match with a way overbooked ending and a gimmick to it. Hogan was never going to job to Kidman twice and now Kidman looks like just as much of a joke as he did before this whole Hogan thing. Its the difference between a rub and being in the ring with someone. He wouldnt do anything after this other than feud with Shane Douglas which went nowhere. Its not a failure because Torrie looked good and thats about it.
Bischoff yells at a cop about life in general.
Bash at the Beach is coming, sponsored by Master Lock. Yes, a lock company is the best they can get at this point.
We recap David Flair vs. Ric Flair with the idea being that Russo has brainwashed David into thinking that Russo is the father that David never have and its a big Ric vs. Russo thing.
Russo says this is going to be fun.
Ric says this is going to be fun.
Rics family shows up.
Ric Flair vs. David Flair
If Ric loses he has to retire FOREVER (which is how it says it on the graphics). With Russo on the floor we actually gets some wrestling here as Ric does most of the work, namely because he has about 100x the talent. David chops away in the corner and actually takes over for a bit. You know Ric is going to sell for his oldest boy. Ric gets sent into the railing and takes a decent delayed vertical suplex for no cover.
And so much for Davids decent run as we hit a bad sleeper. Ric suplexes out of it and we have a very basic match going here. Davids shirt comes off as this is going very slowly here. Out to the floor as Ric takes over again. We need to get to the next match so I can use last names again. Russo interferes and takes out the knee of Ric and handcuffs him. So the referee had his back to Ric and Russo and all of a sudden Ric is in handcuffs .AND THATS ALL COOL??? And people wonder why this company was called stupid.
David puts on the Figure Four which gets him nowhere for the most part. It does get Russo to hold his hands. Does that mean theyre going steady? Reid Flair jumps the railing and hits Russo in the balls and steals the handcuff key. The referee gets the key as David beats up his brother and frees Ric. Rics wife or daughter (like you can tell) cuffs Russo and Ric taunts him a bit. Ric beats on David for awhile before putting him out of his misery with the Figure Four.
Rating: C. Somehow this was by far and away the best match of the night so far unless Im forgetting something. Its not that bad, mainly because they let Ric walk the far more inexperienced David through it. They didnt try to make this too complicated and that fits because David had very little experience and his character wasnt much of a wrestler anyway. Not too bad here I guess, all things considered.
Ric chops Russo a bit post match. Russo rants about various things, making a match for tomorrow night between Ric/Reid vs. Russo/David in another retirement match which would retire Flair.
We recap Vampiro vs. Sting with the idea being that its a human torch match. You have to light the other person on fire to win. Thats nothing like the Inferno match at all is it?
Vampiro vs. Sting
Theres a torch up by the video screen that you have to climb a ladder to get to. This isnt going to end well is it? Vampiro lights the torch and has a gas can near it. Theres an ambulance and firefighters here for this. Russo must be loving this. Sting pulls the torch up above the screen as I mentioned before. Sting wants to know if Vampiro is afraid of heights because if Vampy wants Sting he has to come up here.
Vampiro yells a lot and we stand around a lot. Sting repels down and its time for the actual match to start. They fight in the ring as I have a feeling this is going to end badly. Spinwheel kick takes Sting down so Sting comes back even faster with a powerslam and a bunch of clotheslines. Stinger splash misses in the corner so Vampiro pours gasoline on Sting.
As always, in a huge arena, the announcers can smell the fuel many feet away. They fight up the ramp and climb up the structure with Sting getting kicked off. The announcers say thats it so Vampiro keeps climbing. Sting climbs up anyway and there go the lights as we attempt to conceal the obvious switch that is coming up. They fight on top of the screen and even with the camera where it is you can barely see anything.
And them Vampy grabs the torch and lights Sting on fire. Sting dives off the screen to a crash pad and Vampiro wins. He must have really been burned badly because between falling down up there and the jump he lost about 3 inches of hair and shrunk a good 4 inches. Thats some powerful fire.
Rating: N/A. Yeah this wasnt wrestling. This is one of those matches that is so stupid it defies logic. This is what I recommend doing in this situation: picture the booker/writer pitching this idea to say Jack Brisco, Lou Thesz and Harley Race. If the reaction is either a blank stare, massive amounts of angry cursing or a right cross, ITS NOT A GOOD FREAKING IDEA!
Bischoff is talked to by some blonde chick in the back and doesnt want to talk right now. Theres no big surprise. What is this, Monster A Go-Go?
WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash
Lets get this over with. Ernest Miller comes out before the match and introduces the Filthy Animals, as in New Blood cronies (despite them leaving like a week before) to be bell ringer and time keeper and all that jazz. Oh and Miller is referee. Nash shoves him around a lot to start until the Animals distract Nash to let Jarrett taker over. Jeff is champion if I didnt mention that.
Miller is on the floor. Nash hammers on Jarrett and literally everyone stops to look at the entrance and nothing happens. Now back to the match. Weird indeed. Snake Eyes puts Jarrett into the replacement announce table and we go into the crowd. Back to the ring after Nash beats on Jarrett a bit and its Jeff with chair shots to the knee. This is one of those matches where stuff goes on but nothing is really happening.
Jarrett works on the leg for a good while as were clearly filling in time before the whole surprise thing happens. No one buys that the surprise isnt happen, so I dont know why we have to waste 15 minutes before we get to it. Half crab to Nash who wont give up because raising your arm three times in a row is too much effort I guess. Theres the figure four as we waste even more time.
The hold goes on for a very long time to the point where most people would have broken their leg already but since its Nash he gets to just roll around a bit while barely grimacing. Nash tries to get to his feet but Konnan hits him in the hands with the bell for a two count for Jeff. Nash, despite being in the figure four for two minutes after about five minutes of leg work and a shot to the head with a metal bell from a professional athlete, is able to take over and actually run to the corner to take out Rey.
Belt shot gets two as Disco makes the save. Juvy gets in a chair shot to take over as the fans chant for Goldberg. Miller comes in to referee with a two count as this is a total mess. The Animals get beaten down as Nash is fighting seven guys to a stalemate. Jarrett, the world champion, hits his finisher for only two. Well of course it was only two. I mean hes just the world champion after all.
Guitar shot misses and Jarrett walks into a chokeslam for two as Miller has something in his eye. Tony actually shouts BOGUS a few times. Powerbomb to Miller and one to Jarrett but the third referee is taken out by Rick Steiner. Tank Abbott tries to come out but somehow Scott Steiner cuts him off. If Steiner wanted to help, WHERE WAS HE WHEN THERE WERE LIKE EIGHT GUYS ON NASH???
Everyone beats on Nash including a Bronco Buster from an unmasked Rey. And cue a big noise as Goldberg is here in his monster truck. Maybe thats what the sound was earlier? His music kicks on and the place erupts. Goldberg is here .and he joins the New Blood with one of the worst spears youll ever see. Yes, the ultra star of the company, the ONE guy they still had that was a big face draw, is added to the super heel group as a Bischoff/Jarrett/Russo lackey. Jarrett gets the academic pin and the SHOCKED celebration ends this mess.
Rating: F. You mean, in a Bischoff/Russo booked company, there was a big time face that apparently had been in league with the big heel group the entire time and it was SHOCKING to end a PPV? WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? The match was awful as Nash wouldnt sell, the insanity of it was stupid, and Jarrett looked like a guy off Tough Enough.
Trash pelts the ring to end this show.
Overall Rating: F-. I have no idea what they were going for here but it was one of the worst shows Ive watched in a long time. The gimmicks were WAY too much and none of them worked at all. You had some bad wrestling, horrid gimmicks, a REALLY stupid heel turn to end the show, and Hogan as #1 contender. Lets talk about that heel turn for a bit actually.
In essence what they were going with was Nash, Hogan and Steiner as the top faces against Bischoff, Russo, Jarrett and Goldberg. In other words, the old guys are the faces and the young guys (if Jarrett counts as a young guy) are the heels. There was one issue with this: Goldberg was so ridiculously popular at this point that he was cheered every time he was on camera, which shows one of two things.
One, Russo has no idea what a face is. Oh wait, according to him faces and heels mean nothing. Second, WCW is really freaking stupid. That much is a given so lets go back to the first part. Assuming what he says is true (it isnt) then why are there factions or matches at all? Oh thats right again: Russo doesnt like having wrestling on his shows. Tell me again, why is this guy praised so much?
Anyway, AWFUL show here and somehow it would only get worse with the absolute mess they had the next month with Hogan and Russo clashing.