Funny Wrestling Quotes

[X]

Ever hear a nugget of gold from a commentator on some random match you're watching? Well this is the place to post them. I imagine this thread will be chock full of Tony Schiavone and Dusty Rhodes quotes.

I'll start from a match I'm watching right now from the 1997 Great American Bash.

(Upon seeing DDP and Macho Man brawl into a picnic area)
GET DAT BARBEQUE PIT! BEHIND YOU! IS A BARBEQUE PIT!

Oh, and here's another I heard last night while watching the Broadstreet Bully match between Cactus Jack/Kevin Sullivan and the Nasty Boys at Slamboree 1994.

(As Jerry Saggs beats Cactus over the head with a trash can lid)

"He looks like Captain America!"

(Cue Saggs fat sweaty mohawked face rising up and looking around wildly like he's on PCP)

Post your funny wrestling quotes here.

 

[Leafy]

Here's a nugget from TNA's Taz.

Wow! Magnus must feel like he's in a corn field in the U.K after bring hit by a kangaroo!

That's real.

 

[X]

Oh, and of COURSE this needs to be included automatically.

 

[klunderbunker]

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Craig Pittman.

 

[Lee]

No it's nott real leafy. He said

""Brutus Magnus is thinking that he's back in the UK in a corn field, running around wth a kangaroo or something""

 

[Leafy]

Close enough. It's still a golden quote.

 

[X]

Craig Pittman.

Fuck yes, that's pure gold.

I get the feeling I'm going to be posting in this thread quite a bit whenever I hear a hilarious quote. I'm trying to just stick to commentator's quotes and not promos though.

 

[Via Armbar]

Lita! Lita is jerking Edge off!

Jim Ross as Edge was climbing a ladder to retrieve the tag titles at a time when Lita was still aligned with the Hardyz.

 

[ZeroVX]

The Spinning Hornwheel! And it looked like shit!

I really wish I knew who said that. I just heard it on a Botchamania. (33, I think)

Edit: Turns out it took place at JCW. So, whoever the commentator is there, that's the guy who said it.

 

[Papa Shango]

Heenan has always been one of my favorites. I dunno why he gets slack for his time in WCW.

You don't have to yell at me, Schiavone. I'm not blind!

And then of course, there's Jerry Lawler, back when he gave a fuck. It really makes me miss him as a heel.

You know, Alundra Blayze, with her looks could star in a T.V. western--if she had two more legs!

You never really know a woman till you meet her in court.

The only reason Jake 'The Snake' Roberts doesn't drink and drive anymore is because he is afraid he might hit a bump and spill his drink.

 

[Scotty]

That mic has a mind of its own, it must be on Viagra.

 

[Little Jerry Lawler]

"I wish to hell I had a MRI in my pocket but I don't."

JR during HHH vs. HBK at Taboo Tuesday 2004.

 

[Bernkastel]

"Go lay down... in the highway preferably"

JR to Paul Heyman, RAW 2001

 

[The Phenomenal One]

"Let's Hear it For Debra and her Puppies!.....Alright, let's hear for Nicole Bass and her Cujos" - Jerry Lawler, as he hosted the bikini contest between Debra and Nicole.

 

[X]

"Let's Hear it For Debra and her Puppies!.....Alright, let's hear for Nicole Bass and her Cujos" - Jerry Lawler, as he hosted the bikini contest between Debra and Nicole.

Haha I just watched that episode of Raw a few days ago, that had me chuckling as well.

 

[Big Sexy]

Bobby Heenan at Superbrawl '98 when Juventud Guerrera unmasks

Now when he delivers pizza, everyone will know who he is

 

[Ferbian]

Michael Cole (yeah, surprising ) alongside Tazz during a Smackdown episode where Eddie and Cena was fighting in a parking lot brawl, Cena had just been slammed across a windshield and Eddie uses the wipers alongside some wiper fluid.

Michael cole: The windshield wipers on and wiper fluid to the eyes of John Cena, that stuff burns in your eyes.
Tazz: How would you know?
Michael Cole: My Wife throws it at me all the time!

 

[JrX]

"The only breast you seen was in a Kentucky Fried Chicken Box"

King to JR during Lita vs Trish Bra and Panties Match

 

[Ferbian]

"JR this is the absolute closest thing you've come to sex! be honest!"
"No, I can't"
"Wait? its not?"
"No, I got two children!"
"Well there's other ways, how did that happen?!"

Coach to JR during the diva lingeri fashion show hosted by Randy Orton

 

[Little Jerry Lawler]

JR to King on RAW in 2002

"You all of people don't know what a hymen is."

"Will you get off the hymen?"

 

[Little Jerry Lawler]

Lawler

"You know what I always say to the virgins? Thanks for nothing."

"She got him right in the hymen."

 

[LitasRevenge79]

There was one quote the other night on NXT...I think it was Michael Cole. There was a tag team of Heath Slater and Christian. Forgot who they were tagging against. My husband and I watched and Cole commented as Cage was in the ring..it was something along the lines of "Christian Slater against Tarver and Carlito on NXT right now..." cracked me up to this day...every time we watch NXT and see Christian and Heath...we always make the tag team...Christian Slater..lol

 

[Mustang Sally]

Folks often don't understand what the word "literally" means. Gorilla Monsoon was always known for tossing it in the wrong place.

"Shawn Michaels is literally exploding on Bret Hart!"


Sounds messy.

 

[LamaNamaneumi]

Wrestlemania 26 had this great one from Michale Cole "And the chosen one looking again to go through the back door." As McIntyre was climbing the ladder, made me chuckle.

 

[theundisputedY2D2]

One of my favourites has got be from Bobby Heenan during the Bret Hart v Mr. Perfect IC title match at Summerslam 91.

Perfect gets into a bit of argy bargy with the referee:

Heenan: "Wait a minute Perfect, don't touch that ref!"

Monsoon: "Why not? A disqualification means he retains the title!"

Heenan: "Okay then nail him!"