klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Final Resolution 2008 (December)
Date: December 7, 2008
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,200
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West
You may notice that I put the month after the title here. For some reason there were two Final Resolution PPVs in 2008 which was never really explained. Anyway, were in the early stages of the Mafia here with Sting as world champion. The main event is an 8 man tag with the title on the line and for no adequately explained reason, the Dudley Boys are a part of it. The only other thing we have tonight is Feast or Fired, which is TNAs version of MITB. Lets get to it.
The opening video is of Rhyno and Franklin Roosevelt talking about war and how there needs to be unity to fight off evil, the Mafia in this case. No one ever accused TNA of making things seem less important than they were.
Apparently in the main event if the Mafia wins AJ gets the title. No one else can win it. Kind of an unfair move to everyone else isnt it?
We run down the card, as in the one we already bought.
Feast or Fired
Cute Kip, Sonjay Dutt, Jimmy Rave, Lance Rock, Alex Shelley, BG James, Jay Lethal, Chris Sabin, Curry Man, Consequences Creed, Hernandez, Homicide, Shark Boy
TNA rips off another WWE concept here with this one. There are four briefcases, one over each corner. In three are title shots, one for the world, one for the tag, one for the X and in the fourth theres a thing that says YOURE FIRED. Original no? You have to get the case to the floor, not just off the hook to obtain it. Naturally we need 13 people in this right? Eight certainly wouldnt have worked as you would have had four winners and four losers. Nah, we need 9 losers.
Its a total mess of course where you cant tell anything because even at the end there will be ten people in there. Everyone goes for cases but they cant get there obviously due to the army stopping everyone. Theres no point in trying to keep track of whats going on. Shark Boy goes for a sunset flip because hes very stupid and pulls down Sonjays tights. Curry Man and Shark Boy both go up but the saves are made.
Dutt jumps up on Hernandezs back in a cool spot but gets caught by Lethal, his big rival. Rave almost gets it but Hernandez grabs him down and throws a Border Toss onto a ton of people. Since the ring is empty otherwise he manages to get Case #4 (theyre individually numbered) and escapes with it.
The Outlaws tease a reunion/fight but decide against it. Shark Boy saves Kip from getting a case and hits a Stunner on Lethal. Rock hits a sweet release F5 on Shelley before going up in another failing attempt to get a case. Homicide and Curry Man fight on top of the ropes over a case and headbutt the hell out of each other. Curry Man, Christopher Daniels in a mask if you werent familiar with that, gets one and flips off the top onto a pile of guys to escape with #3.
Fameasser to Rave but Shelley kicks his head off and the Guns take over. Sonjay vs. Lethal for a bit is won by Lethal but he cant quite get a case down as hes caught in a Gringo Cutter from Homicide. Dutt cant stop Homicide as he gets Case #1. So weve cleaned out a lot of the ring and gotten down to ten people. Far better now and thats only half sarcasm.
The Guns take out Rock (Vance Archer) but Shelley is stopped by Rave. Tower of Doom spot by the Guns to Rave. Lethal almost gets the case but the Guns take care of him as well. This whole match is nothing but people climbing up and others saving them and about every five minutes someone gets a case down. Shelley gets the case down but holds it up, allowing Lethal to springboard across the ring and grab it to steal the case and get to the floor.
Rating: C+. Fun stuff but its the walking definition of a spotfest as there were WAY too many people in there. Cut this down to like 8 guys and the quality goes WAY up. This wasnt bad but the formula got a bit old after awhile. The whole match is overkill but its fun overkill so I cant complain that much here.
After a quick highlight package of the show we get an offer from JB: any one of them can forfeit their case right now. That makes things a bit more interesting actually. Curry Man considers it but cant manage to give it up. Were going to open one case now and the other three on Impact. Yeah thats not stupid at all.
Lethal is going to open his case now by way of a random draw. The Guns keep bitching about losing which is kind of amusing. JB finally snaps on them and tells them to go talk to Foley about it. Lethal says lets do it and pulls a tag title shot. The Guns FREAK but its not like they would have won the titles anyway. JB goes off on the Guns again, saying how hes tired of them bitching and complaining. He says that Shelley is the biggest pain in the ass that hes ever worked with. Damn indeed.
If youre curious, Hernandez had the world title match, Homicide had the X Title match and Curry Man was fired. His reaction was great: Who is Fire Champion? Daniels would return just afterwards.
Sharmell says shes ghetto under all the beauty. Her partners, the Beautiful People, talk about cellulite. Theres some stipulation about possession of a dressing room or something. This goes absolutely nowhere. Is there a reason they gave these three almost three minutes to talk? I get that they needed to kill some time to get rid of the Feast or Fired stuff but ..Angelina gets a phone call from Sarah Palin. I hate this company.
We recap ODB vs. Sharmell which has four other people in it. ODB had some talks how bullshit and Sharmell was on there and they argued about respect, setting up a six Knockout tag.
ODB/Taylor Wilde/Roxxi vs. Beautiful People/Sharmell
If the heels win the Beautiful People get Bookers locker room. Is there a reason why Cute Kip had to mess the entrance up? Ive never quite gotten the appeal of ODB, but then again I dont think anyone else really did either. This is back when Wilde was still definitively hot so at least theres that going for this match. ODB cleans house to start as we need a heel here.
Angelina vs. Roxxi starts us off officially. And so much for the match as we need to talk about Mafia vs. Frontline. Joe isnt trustworthy apparently. Im stunned too. Roxxi cleans house as its more or less the dominant ones vs. the not dominant ones. The Beautiful People go down so its up to Sharmell now. Kip comes in instead so its him vs. ODB for a second until the Beautiful People are back up again.
This has been going about three minutes and it already needs to end quickly. The heels take over for a bit and Sharmell does the standard heel thing of only coming in when her rival if you can call ODB that is down. Wilde comes in and this continues to be completely uninteresting.
Everything goes nuts again and Sharmell, like an idiot, goes after ODB when shes not dead and I think you know whats coming here. Kip of course comes in for the save and that gets us nowhere as ODB chases Sharmell away. Yes, the whole point of the match was that beatdown and it never even happens. Wilde rolls through a cross body by Angelina to get the pin.
Rating: D-. This was boring as hell and the ending went completely against the story which Id assume would be settled on Impact. Instead of having the match be about revenge it became about possession of a locker room. That makes perfect sense doesnt it? It is TNA after all.
Eric Young says hes a different man now and has confidence, enough to beat Bashir for the X Title apparently. The Guns come in to bitch about things but Eric protects JB.
Young beat Bashir to win the X Title but there was interference so the title was held up.
X-Division Title: Eric Young vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir
Naturally the referee that interfered in the last match is the referee here. Its Shane Sewell, that guy that got a brief push for no apparent reason. The fans are all for Eric as this is evil foreigner vs. not so evil foreigner. Thesz Press by Young lets him get in some punches. Young to the floor as I have a feeling the highlights of this match are over already.
Bashir puts on a surfboard hold to waste a lot more time. This is going absolutely nowhere at all and everyone knows it. Young nips up and hammers away and starts a rather generic comeback. Top rope elbow hits for two. Young goes up for a moonsault and misses by literally three and a half feet. That was awful in every sense of the word. Young goes for a sunset flip, the referee kicks Bashirs arms when he grabs the ropes, match over thank goodness.
Rating: D-. The match was ok I suppose but at the same time it could not have been less interesting. No need at all to have the title be vacant here when they could have had the title change here. The wrestling was boring beyond belief too and the whole thing just did not work whatsoever. Boring match all the way through and I couldnt wait for it to end.
Bashir and Sewell fight after the match which set up Sewell becoming a wrestler. Bashir busts him open with the belt. Cornette comes out and yells at him as this goes on WAY too long.
We recap Hemme vs. Kong. In short they decided to make Christy a wrestler despite a severe lack of talent in the ring. Their solution: put her against the most awesome female wrestler of all time. Nothing could go bad here right? AJ trained her apparently.
Knockouts Title: Christy Hemme vs. Awesome Kong
Theres some Army dude here that no one really cares about who comes out after Kong. He introduces Christy and thats about it. Shes hot as hell and that ends her talents here for the most part. Christy uses speed moves and dives off the top to the floor to take down Kong. And then Kong kicks her in the face and that ends any momentum she had going here.
Back in the ring and Kong lifts Christy onto her shoulders and bends her around to the point that Christy is kicking herself in the back of the head. FREAKING OW MAN! Christy manages to get on the ropes and kick Kong in the head a bit. A sleeper gets her nowhere but a big tornado DDT works a bit. FFG (Flaming Firecrotch Guillotine. Yes thats really the name) hits but Raisha Saed breaks up the pin which is good for the DQ to end this.
Rating: D. Christy tried but with five minutes and a chick the size of Kong theres only so much they could do here and this didnt work very well at all. It takes the right kind of person to get a good match out of Kong and Christy wasnt that person. Her in the blue worked well enough to carry the majority of this though.
Big brawl post match of course as is TNAs custom.
Angle says hes going to beat Rhyno tonight. If he wins he gets a rematch with Jarrett and if he loses he has to retire. He talks about hunting or some jazz. He must have been hanging with Shawn recently. Angle also talks about Jarrett a bit just for some stuff to bitch about.
Recap of Beer Money vs. Abyss/Morgan, the team of the month that of course wound up having a big feud that not a lot of people wanted to see.
Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Matt Morgan/Abyss
Beer Money has Jackie with them and no one cares about her at all, period. Storm has the Boozer Cruiser thing too and I still hate it. Big brawl to start of course with everyone in there at once. Everyone runs around and Abyss goes to the back for a bit. Morgan dives off the top to the floor to take out Beer Money in a cool spot as Abyss is back, accomplishing nothing with his leaving.
I really hope the bell rang already and I just missed it so that the time so far has been taken off the time of this match. And theres my answer as this is all pre-match stuff. Great. Beer Money try to run and that gets them nowhere. Standard you have until ten or the titles are forfeited jazz. Abyss and Storm finally officially start us off which is apparently the meat of this feud.
Storm cracked Abyss with some bottles and the monster is ticked off about it if youre curious about the details for some odd reason. We get word that the X Title is held up AGAIN. Sweet damn man just have the fucking title match and have it fucking stick. This is what we mean by overbooking if youre curious.
Morgan beats up Storm for a bit and asks the crowd if they want to see Storm vs. Abyss. Didnt we see that like two minutes ago or is my memory going already? Beer Money has the titles here if I forgot to mention that. Storm runs from Abyss so we get Roode instead. I prefer Rick but this is fine I suppose. Roode is in trouble so Storm goes off to get some beer.
The fans are all over Beer Money here. Morgan sets for the Carbon Footprint and that twat waffle Jackie gets involved which thankfully isnt a DQ. Storm finally comes in for a bit and works over Morgans knee for awhile. Half crab goes on for awhile as Beer Money does the referee isnt looking so well pretend we tagged and swear we did and get away with it because the referee is biased against faces technique.
Abyss finally comes in and we get Storm vs. Abyss which apparently has been built up for three or four days! Shock Treatment to Storm gets a long two. Storm tries to get a shot with the bottle but Abyss intercepts it. Jackie interferes and Storm gets a shot with brass knuckles to end it. Not huge on this one at all.
Rating: D+. Its watchable I suppose but it wasnt interesting at all and no one really cared in the slightest. Abyss vs. Storm was allegedly the selling point of the match and that never happened at all really. The ending was overdone to no end which should shock no one at all. Its ok I guess but it felt thrown together which is never really good at all.
Lauren talks to Foley who is the guest enforcer for the Angle match. The Guns come up to talk to him and they complain about life in general and call Foley a dinosaur. Kids love dinosaurs. The Guns as assholes are kind of cool. They complain about the Feast or Fired match and want Foley to overturn the decision and leave. Foley implies hell take care of the Guns on Thursday which likely went nowhere.
The announcers talk about the next two matches a bit to fill in some time.
Here are the Guns as we have a show long angle. Shelley says Foley is about to come out here and overturn the decision so they sit down to wait. I know this might be a stupid question but couldnt we use this for like, a match? Cornette comes out and says hes not Foley but Foley has more important things to do than deal with the Guns.
The Guns say theyre not the Rock N Roll Express and Cornette threatens to get the biggest security guards to get rid of them. The Guns crack jokes and the lights go out. And its Suicide. His song really was awesome. This is his debut apparently. Hes the video game character remember. He clears the ring and leaves.
Lauren tries to talk to Rhyno but he politely sends her away and calls out Kurt. I think this match was just added to the card with no particular reason for it to be Rhyno which is a good idea actually. Angle has been talking about Jarretts daughters which has gotten to Rhyno apparently. Solid promo as Rhyno is very stoic the whole time and its genuinely creepy.
We recap Angle vs. Rhyno which was kind of thrown together but not in a bad way. The Mafia had beaten up Christian so he could leave for WWE and Rhyno stood up for him. Thats the benefit of a guy like Rhyno: you can throw him into a spot like this and its perfectly acceptable.
Rhyno vs. Kurt Angle
Foley is the outside enforcer and if Rhyno wins Angle is gone but if Angle wins he gets Jarrett at Genesis. This should be good. They feel each other out for a few minutes with both guys controlling for a little bit each but nothing long term can be established. Rhyno goes up but get stumbled a bit and Angle shoves him to the floor for our first real advantage.
Rhyno into the railing and we head back into the ring. Rear Naked Choke by Angle which somehow Rhyno survives in for about 45 seconds without dying. Rhyno cant get anything going and we get a double clothesline. They slug it out and the guy with hair wins. Spinebuster puts Kurt down for two. Angle gets a German to take over again. It was as sudden as it sounded.
There go the straps and Rhyno is in trouble. Gore misses and Angle rolls him up into the ankle lock to have Rhyno in real trouble. Rhyno kicks him off and sets for a powerbomb seconds later somehow and drops Angle back onto the turnbuckle to make Angle a bit woozy. Gore is blocked and the Angle Slam gets two. And there goes the referee who accidently takes a Gore which isnt a Gore because the referee was in the corner.
Angle goes for a chair but Foley stops him. Foley counts two on a rollup and Kurt goes up. Well its certainly good that the referee got bumped when there was a replacement right there. Superplex by Rhyno gets two .and here comes Al Snow. Snow slaps Foley which allows Angle to get a chair shot and the Slam to end it.
Rating: C+. Pretty decent match but dude, Al Snow was the best they could do? One of Angles stable couldnt run down there for this spot? One thing that makes this better is that Snow works for the company so at least they didnt have to pay someone for an extra appearance so I cant criticize it too much. The match was pretty good as Rhyno is surprisingly consistent. This was fine.
Angle says after Jarrett, Foley is next.
Sting and the Mafia say theyre not worried about the Frontline tonight.
We recap the feud which is old vs. young which is Russos trademark among many other things.
Frontline and in particular AJ says that they can trust Team 3D which is a sore spot for AJ more or less.
TNA World Title: TNA Frontline vs. Main Event Mafia
AJ Styles/Samoa Joe/Team 3D vs. Sting/Kevin Nash/Scott Steiner/Booker T
Its an 8 man tag but if any member of the Frontline pins any member of the Mafia, AJ gets Stings title. The Mafia all comes out together which is kind of surprising. The intros take forever as all 8 guys get individual intros. Booker is Legends Champion here. Styles is so over its ridiculous. AJ vs. Booker starts us off which works as well as anything else would. HUGE AJ chant.
Booker misses a big spin kick and AJ DRILLS him with a right hand. How in the world did TNA manage to screw AJ up this year? Lets turn him into a Flair clone as a heel! Sure why not. Off to Steiner vs. Bubba now and guess who wins that one. Bubba does the SUCK ON THAT punches and gets two off more or less a Rock Bottom and brings in Joe.
Joe beats on Sting for awhile as you know this is going to get a lot of time. Stings big elbow actually hits! Ive never seen that hit before I dont think. Off to Nash in a feud that ran for a LONG time and wasnt incredibly good at all. D-Von gets a pop. I never thought Id say that. What is TNAs obsession with trying to push the Dudleys as singles guys? Its not like anyone wants to see it or that they draw anything as singles guys and yet it keeps happening over and over again. Thats wrestling for you I guess.
I guess D-Von is Ricky Morton here as Nash gets a side slam for two. Booker kicks D-Von in the face for two. What does the Mafia get here? Its not like they gain anything out of winning here, which makes this more or less pointless for them to be in doesnt it? D-Von fights off Steiner and hits the headbutt for a little even break. Bubba and Nash both come in and the short dude takes over.
Im surprised Sting hasnt made more saves. Its his belt. Shouldnt he be the one saving it more often? And so much for the good guys being in control as Joe gets beaten down with relative ease. The beatdown goes on for a LONG time, as in upwards of five minutes. It doesnt sound like much but in a wrestling match that might as well be forever. Nash and Steiner do most of the beating here but everyone gets in at least a few shots.
Booker hooks an abdominal stretch as Im sure that despite this huge beating Joe will be fine in just a little bit right? And what a shock as Im right. AJ vs. Sting which is the core of this match for the most part. AJ beats up everyone, including throwing out Stinger Splashes for everyone in the Mafia. Samoa Joe is somehow the legal man and everything breaks down of course.
3D to Booker but Steiner makes the save. Bubba Bomb for Scott. Eh with as many steroids hes had his ass must be used to pain already. Scorpion Deathlock on AJ is broken up by Joe beating the hell out of Sting. Musclebuster is countered by a low blow from Nash and a Scorpion Death Drop ends this with the pin on Joe.
Rating: C+. Eh this was ok but it was about exactly what you would have expected it to be. The Mafia cheated to win like you would expect them to, the drama within the Frontline meant nothing at all as you would expect it to, and the title never felt like it was in any jeopardy as you wouldnt expect it to. Thats the issue here: it was completely predictable. Not a bad match, but just there and nothing special about it at all.
Overall Rating: C-. This was ok at best but really nothing all that special. The matches were predictable and nothing really happened here. Thats the main issue here: nothing really changed. I hate shows like that as they exist to give us a PPV for the sake of giving us a PPV. Nothing here really needed to be here and it brings the show down as a result. Its ok, but theres absolutely nothing here that you need to see.
Date: December 7, 2008
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,200
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West
You may notice that I put the month after the title here. For some reason there were two Final Resolution PPVs in 2008 which was never really explained. Anyway, were in the early stages of the Mafia here with Sting as world champion. The main event is an 8 man tag with the title on the line and for no adequately explained reason, the Dudley Boys are a part of it. The only other thing we have tonight is Feast or Fired, which is TNAs version of MITB. Lets get to it.
The opening video is of Rhyno and Franklin Roosevelt talking about war and how there needs to be unity to fight off evil, the Mafia in this case. No one ever accused TNA of making things seem less important than they were.
Apparently in the main event if the Mafia wins AJ gets the title. No one else can win it. Kind of an unfair move to everyone else isnt it?
We run down the card, as in the one we already bought.
Feast or Fired
Cute Kip, Sonjay Dutt, Jimmy Rave, Lance Rock, Alex Shelley, BG James, Jay Lethal, Chris Sabin, Curry Man, Consequences Creed, Hernandez, Homicide, Shark Boy
TNA rips off another WWE concept here with this one. There are four briefcases, one over each corner. In three are title shots, one for the world, one for the tag, one for the X and in the fourth theres a thing that says YOURE FIRED. Original no? You have to get the case to the floor, not just off the hook to obtain it. Naturally we need 13 people in this right? Eight certainly wouldnt have worked as you would have had four winners and four losers. Nah, we need 9 losers.
Its a total mess of course where you cant tell anything because even at the end there will be ten people in there. Everyone goes for cases but they cant get there obviously due to the army stopping everyone. Theres no point in trying to keep track of whats going on. Shark Boy goes for a sunset flip because hes very stupid and pulls down Sonjays tights. Curry Man and Shark Boy both go up but the saves are made.
Dutt jumps up on Hernandezs back in a cool spot but gets caught by Lethal, his big rival. Rave almost gets it but Hernandez grabs him down and throws a Border Toss onto a ton of people. Since the ring is empty otherwise he manages to get Case #4 (theyre individually numbered) and escapes with it.
The Outlaws tease a reunion/fight but decide against it. Shark Boy saves Kip from getting a case and hits a Stunner on Lethal. Rock hits a sweet release F5 on Shelley before going up in another failing attempt to get a case. Homicide and Curry Man fight on top of the ropes over a case and headbutt the hell out of each other. Curry Man, Christopher Daniels in a mask if you werent familiar with that, gets one and flips off the top onto a pile of guys to escape with #3.
Fameasser to Rave but Shelley kicks his head off and the Guns take over. Sonjay vs. Lethal for a bit is won by Lethal but he cant quite get a case down as hes caught in a Gringo Cutter from Homicide. Dutt cant stop Homicide as he gets Case #1. So weve cleaned out a lot of the ring and gotten down to ten people. Far better now and thats only half sarcasm.
The Guns take out Rock (Vance Archer) but Shelley is stopped by Rave. Tower of Doom spot by the Guns to Rave. Lethal almost gets the case but the Guns take care of him as well. This whole match is nothing but people climbing up and others saving them and about every five minutes someone gets a case down. Shelley gets the case down but holds it up, allowing Lethal to springboard across the ring and grab it to steal the case and get to the floor.
Rating: C+. Fun stuff but its the walking definition of a spotfest as there were WAY too many people in there. Cut this down to like 8 guys and the quality goes WAY up. This wasnt bad but the formula got a bit old after awhile. The whole match is overkill but its fun overkill so I cant complain that much here.
After a quick highlight package of the show we get an offer from JB: any one of them can forfeit their case right now. That makes things a bit more interesting actually. Curry Man considers it but cant manage to give it up. Were going to open one case now and the other three on Impact. Yeah thats not stupid at all.
Lethal is going to open his case now by way of a random draw. The Guns keep bitching about losing which is kind of amusing. JB finally snaps on them and tells them to go talk to Foley about it. Lethal says lets do it and pulls a tag title shot. The Guns FREAK but its not like they would have won the titles anyway. JB goes off on the Guns again, saying how hes tired of them bitching and complaining. He says that Shelley is the biggest pain in the ass that hes ever worked with. Damn indeed.
If youre curious, Hernandez had the world title match, Homicide had the X Title match and Curry Man was fired. His reaction was great: Who is Fire Champion? Daniels would return just afterwards.
Sharmell says shes ghetto under all the beauty. Her partners, the Beautiful People, talk about cellulite. Theres some stipulation about possession of a dressing room or something. This goes absolutely nowhere. Is there a reason they gave these three almost three minutes to talk? I get that they needed to kill some time to get rid of the Feast or Fired stuff but ..Angelina gets a phone call from Sarah Palin. I hate this company.
We recap ODB vs. Sharmell which has four other people in it. ODB had some talks how bullshit and Sharmell was on there and they argued about respect, setting up a six Knockout tag.
ODB/Taylor Wilde/Roxxi vs. Beautiful People/Sharmell
If the heels win the Beautiful People get Bookers locker room. Is there a reason why Cute Kip had to mess the entrance up? Ive never quite gotten the appeal of ODB, but then again I dont think anyone else really did either. This is back when Wilde was still definitively hot so at least theres that going for this match. ODB cleans house to start as we need a heel here.
Angelina vs. Roxxi starts us off officially. And so much for the match as we need to talk about Mafia vs. Frontline. Joe isnt trustworthy apparently. Im stunned too. Roxxi cleans house as its more or less the dominant ones vs. the not dominant ones. The Beautiful People go down so its up to Sharmell now. Kip comes in instead so its him vs. ODB for a second until the Beautiful People are back up again.
This has been going about three minutes and it already needs to end quickly. The heels take over for a bit and Sharmell does the standard heel thing of only coming in when her rival if you can call ODB that is down. Wilde comes in and this continues to be completely uninteresting.
Everything goes nuts again and Sharmell, like an idiot, goes after ODB when shes not dead and I think you know whats coming here. Kip of course comes in for the save and that gets us nowhere as ODB chases Sharmell away. Yes, the whole point of the match was that beatdown and it never even happens. Wilde rolls through a cross body by Angelina to get the pin.
Rating: D-. This was boring as hell and the ending went completely against the story which Id assume would be settled on Impact. Instead of having the match be about revenge it became about possession of a locker room. That makes perfect sense doesnt it? It is TNA after all.
Eric Young says hes a different man now and has confidence, enough to beat Bashir for the X Title apparently. The Guns come in to bitch about things but Eric protects JB.
Young beat Bashir to win the X Title but there was interference so the title was held up.
X-Division Title: Eric Young vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir
Naturally the referee that interfered in the last match is the referee here. Its Shane Sewell, that guy that got a brief push for no apparent reason. The fans are all for Eric as this is evil foreigner vs. not so evil foreigner. Thesz Press by Young lets him get in some punches. Young to the floor as I have a feeling the highlights of this match are over already.
Bashir puts on a surfboard hold to waste a lot more time. This is going absolutely nowhere at all and everyone knows it. Young nips up and hammers away and starts a rather generic comeback. Top rope elbow hits for two. Young goes up for a moonsault and misses by literally three and a half feet. That was awful in every sense of the word. Young goes for a sunset flip, the referee kicks Bashirs arms when he grabs the ropes, match over thank goodness.
Rating: D-. The match was ok I suppose but at the same time it could not have been less interesting. No need at all to have the title be vacant here when they could have had the title change here. The wrestling was boring beyond belief too and the whole thing just did not work whatsoever. Boring match all the way through and I couldnt wait for it to end.
Bashir and Sewell fight after the match which set up Sewell becoming a wrestler. Bashir busts him open with the belt. Cornette comes out and yells at him as this goes on WAY too long.
We recap Hemme vs. Kong. In short they decided to make Christy a wrestler despite a severe lack of talent in the ring. Their solution: put her against the most awesome female wrestler of all time. Nothing could go bad here right? AJ trained her apparently.
Knockouts Title: Christy Hemme vs. Awesome Kong
Theres some Army dude here that no one really cares about who comes out after Kong. He introduces Christy and thats about it. Shes hot as hell and that ends her talents here for the most part. Christy uses speed moves and dives off the top to the floor to take down Kong. And then Kong kicks her in the face and that ends any momentum she had going here.
Back in the ring and Kong lifts Christy onto her shoulders and bends her around to the point that Christy is kicking herself in the back of the head. FREAKING OW MAN! Christy manages to get on the ropes and kick Kong in the head a bit. A sleeper gets her nowhere but a big tornado DDT works a bit. FFG (Flaming Firecrotch Guillotine. Yes thats really the name) hits but Raisha Saed breaks up the pin which is good for the DQ to end this.
Rating: D. Christy tried but with five minutes and a chick the size of Kong theres only so much they could do here and this didnt work very well at all. It takes the right kind of person to get a good match out of Kong and Christy wasnt that person. Her in the blue worked well enough to carry the majority of this though.
Big brawl post match of course as is TNAs custom.
Angle says hes going to beat Rhyno tonight. If he wins he gets a rematch with Jarrett and if he loses he has to retire. He talks about hunting or some jazz. He must have been hanging with Shawn recently. Angle also talks about Jarrett a bit just for some stuff to bitch about.
Recap of Beer Money vs. Abyss/Morgan, the team of the month that of course wound up having a big feud that not a lot of people wanted to see.
Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Matt Morgan/Abyss
Beer Money has Jackie with them and no one cares about her at all, period. Storm has the Boozer Cruiser thing too and I still hate it. Big brawl to start of course with everyone in there at once. Everyone runs around and Abyss goes to the back for a bit. Morgan dives off the top to the floor to take out Beer Money in a cool spot as Abyss is back, accomplishing nothing with his leaving.
I really hope the bell rang already and I just missed it so that the time so far has been taken off the time of this match. And theres my answer as this is all pre-match stuff. Great. Beer Money try to run and that gets them nowhere. Standard you have until ten or the titles are forfeited jazz. Abyss and Storm finally officially start us off which is apparently the meat of this feud.
Storm cracked Abyss with some bottles and the monster is ticked off about it if youre curious about the details for some odd reason. We get word that the X Title is held up AGAIN. Sweet damn man just have the fucking title match and have it fucking stick. This is what we mean by overbooking if youre curious.
Morgan beats up Storm for a bit and asks the crowd if they want to see Storm vs. Abyss. Didnt we see that like two minutes ago or is my memory going already? Beer Money has the titles here if I forgot to mention that. Storm runs from Abyss so we get Roode instead. I prefer Rick but this is fine I suppose. Roode is in trouble so Storm goes off to get some beer.
The fans are all over Beer Money here. Morgan sets for the Carbon Footprint and that twat waffle Jackie gets involved which thankfully isnt a DQ. Storm finally comes in for a bit and works over Morgans knee for awhile. Half crab goes on for awhile as Beer Money does the referee isnt looking so well pretend we tagged and swear we did and get away with it because the referee is biased against faces technique.
Abyss finally comes in and we get Storm vs. Abyss which apparently has been built up for three or four days! Shock Treatment to Storm gets a long two. Storm tries to get a shot with the bottle but Abyss intercepts it. Jackie interferes and Storm gets a shot with brass knuckles to end it. Not huge on this one at all.
Rating: D+. Its watchable I suppose but it wasnt interesting at all and no one really cared in the slightest. Abyss vs. Storm was allegedly the selling point of the match and that never happened at all really. The ending was overdone to no end which should shock no one at all. Its ok I guess but it felt thrown together which is never really good at all.
Lauren talks to Foley who is the guest enforcer for the Angle match. The Guns come up to talk to him and they complain about life in general and call Foley a dinosaur. Kids love dinosaurs. The Guns as assholes are kind of cool. They complain about the Feast or Fired match and want Foley to overturn the decision and leave. Foley implies hell take care of the Guns on Thursday which likely went nowhere.
The announcers talk about the next two matches a bit to fill in some time.
Here are the Guns as we have a show long angle. Shelley says Foley is about to come out here and overturn the decision so they sit down to wait. I know this might be a stupid question but couldnt we use this for like, a match? Cornette comes out and says hes not Foley but Foley has more important things to do than deal with the Guns.
The Guns say theyre not the Rock N Roll Express and Cornette threatens to get the biggest security guards to get rid of them. The Guns crack jokes and the lights go out. And its Suicide. His song really was awesome. This is his debut apparently. Hes the video game character remember. He clears the ring and leaves.
Lauren tries to talk to Rhyno but he politely sends her away and calls out Kurt. I think this match was just added to the card with no particular reason for it to be Rhyno which is a good idea actually. Angle has been talking about Jarretts daughters which has gotten to Rhyno apparently. Solid promo as Rhyno is very stoic the whole time and its genuinely creepy.
We recap Angle vs. Rhyno which was kind of thrown together but not in a bad way. The Mafia had beaten up Christian so he could leave for WWE and Rhyno stood up for him. Thats the benefit of a guy like Rhyno: you can throw him into a spot like this and its perfectly acceptable.
Rhyno vs. Kurt Angle
Foley is the outside enforcer and if Rhyno wins Angle is gone but if Angle wins he gets Jarrett at Genesis. This should be good. They feel each other out for a few minutes with both guys controlling for a little bit each but nothing long term can be established. Rhyno goes up but get stumbled a bit and Angle shoves him to the floor for our first real advantage.
Rhyno into the railing and we head back into the ring. Rear Naked Choke by Angle which somehow Rhyno survives in for about 45 seconds without dying. Rhyno cant get anything going and we get a double clothesline. They slug it out and the guy with hair wins. Spinebuster puts Kurt down for two. Angle gets a German to take over again. It was as sudden as it sounded.
There go the straps and Rhyno is in trouble. Gore misses and Angle rolls him up into the ankle lock to have Rhyno in real trouble. Rhyno kicks him off and sets for a powerbomb seconds later somehow and drops Angle back onto the turnbuckle to make Angle a bit woozy. Gore is blocked and the Angle Slam gets two. And there goes the referee who accidently takes a Gore which isnt a Gore because the referee was in the corner.
Angle goes for a chair but Foley stops him. Foley counts two on a rollup and Kurt goes up. Well its certainly good that the referee got bumped when there was a replacement right there. Superplex by Rhyno gets two .and here comes Al Snow. Snow slaps Foley which allows Angle to get a chair shot and the Slam to end it.
Rating: C+. Pretty decent match but dude, Al Snow was the best they could do? One of Angles stable couldnt run down there for this spot? One thing that makes this better is that Snow works for the company so at least they didnt have to pay someone for an extra appearance so I cant criticize it too much. The match was pretty good as Rhyno is surprisingly consistent. This was fine.
Angle says after Jarrett, Foley is next.
Sting and the Mafia say theyre not worried about the Frontline tonight.
We recap the feud which is old vs. young which is Russos trademark among many other things.
Frontline and in particular AJ says that they can trust Team 3D which is a sore spot for AJ more or less.
TNA World Title: TNA Frontline vs. Main Event Mafia
AJ Styles/Samoa Joe/Team 3D vs. Sting/Kevin Nash/Scott Steiner/Booker T
Its an 8 man tag but if any member of the Frontline pins any member of the Mafia, AJ gets Stings title. The Mafia all comes out together which is kind of surprising. The intros take forever as all 8 guys get individual intros. Booker is Legends Champion here. Styles is so over its ridiculous. AJ vs. Booker starts us off which works as well as anything else would. HUGE AJ chant.
Booker misses a big spin kick and AJ DRILLS him with a right hand. How in the world did TNA manage to screw AJ up this year? Lets turn him into a Flair clone as a heel! Sure why not. Off to Steiner vs. Bubba now and guess who wins that one. Bubba does the SUCK ON THAT punches and gets two off more or less a Rock Bottom and brings in Joe.
Joe beats on Sting for awhile as you know this is going to get a lot of time. Stings big elbow actually hits! Ive never seen that hit before I dont think. Off to Nash in a feud that ran for a LONG time and wasnt incredibly good at all. D-Von gets a pop. I never thought Id say that. What is TNAs obsession with trying to push the Dudleys as singles guys? Its not like anyone wants to see it or that they draw anything as singles guys and yet it keeps happening over and over again. Thats wrestling for you I guess.
I guess D-Von is Ricky Morton here as Nash gets a side slam for two. Booker kicks D-Von in the face for two. What does the Mafia get here? Its not like they gain anything out of winning here, which makes this more or less pointless for them to be in doesnt it? D-Von fights off Steiner and hits the headbutt for a little even break. Bubba and Nash both come in and the short dude takes over.
Im surprised Sting hasnt made more saves. Its his belt. Shouldnt he be the one saving it more often? And so much for the good guys being in control as Joe gets beaten down with relative ease. The beatdown goes on for a LONG time, as in upwards of five minutes. It doesnt sound like much but in a wrestling match that might as well be forever. Nash and Steiner do most of the beating here but everyone gets in at least a few shots.
Booker hooks an abdominal stretch as Im sure that despite this huge beating Joe will be fine in just a little bit right? And what a shock as Im right. AJ vs. Sting which is the core of this match for the most part. AJ beats up everyone, including throwing out Stinger Splashes for everyone in the Mafia. Samoa Joe is somehow the legal man and everything breaks down of course.
3D to Booker but Steiner makes the save. Bubba Bomb for Scott. Eh with as many steroids hes had his ass must be used to pain already. Scorpion Deathlock on AJ is broken up by Joe beating the hell out of Sting. Musclebuster is countered by a low blow from Nash and a Scorpion Death Drop ends this with the pin on Joe.
Rating: C+. Eh this was ok but it was about exactly what you would have expected it to be. The Mafia cheated to win like you would expect them to, the drama within the Frontline meant nothing at all as you would expect it to, and the title never felt like it was in any jeopardy as you wouldnt expect it to. Thats the issue here: it was completely predictable. Not a bad match, but just there and nothing special about it at all.
Overall Rating: C-. This was ok at best but really nothing all that special. The matches were predictable and nothing really happened here. Thats the main issue here: nothing really changed. I hate shows like that as they exist to give us a PPV for the sake of giving us a PPV. Nothing here really needed to be here and it brings the show down as a result. Its ok, but theres absolutely nothing here that you need to see.