Fidelity: Should It Even Be A Relationship Expectation Anymore?

[Cena's Little Helper]

So, for Christmas this year, I got a subscription to Maxim. Although the last time I actually enjoyed the magazine was when I was 15, I couldn't help but read one of the latest issue's articles about how to "have your cake and eat it too." That is to say, an article about how to get sex on the side of your relationship without getting caught.

Now, to me, the most significant thing about this article was not the subject matter itself, but the seeming nonchalance of the writer and all of the women she interviewed (on the assumption that women are much more discreet than men, the article's author, Gillian Telling, only solicited strategies from females). Ultimately, the article conveyed to me the feeling that monogamy is a thing of the past and should no longer be expected FROM ANYONE. While I don't have a problem with people in open relationships, shouldn't someone who wants to be in an open relationship at least discuss this desire with their significant other? Is it too much to trust your partner not to have sex with someone else if this is something that you have not explicitly discussed? Or, is fidelity something that none of us should expect anymore, in any situation?

 

[Father:_Polley]

The fact is that when you have relationships purely based on sexual gratification, it is impossible to expect monogamy. So often we have relationships that negate any emotional connection instead focusing on how many times either party can orgasm, and if that's not enough, to get a little bit on the side.

The study cited bases it's findings purely on having sex on the side. It paints no picture of any emotional attachment and I think monogamy can only be expected of two people who truely care and love each other equally. Beyond that, I don't see how it's possible, given the selfish generation we live in

 

[Deexter Jorgan]

I may be one of many that still believe that one partner matters, if you are in an anogamous realtionship then fine do what you want because that is your porogative but ti ne staying with your partner and being loyal comes as apart of trust, and without trust there is no relationship.

But these days i see people using relationships like play things, once they get bored they move on, there are people who go from partner to partner because they dont care how screwed up the relationship makes anyone else lives like kids for instance.

the fact is without steady role models the sanctuty of a secure relationship will never be the same which is sad from someone who would rather live and die with his wife then cheat, well thats life i suppose.

 

[Razor]

What the fuck. What has happened to where I can't even expect my girlfriend to not have sex with another man?

I understand if it's not official, if you're "just hanging out," if you're just "having a good time." But if you're far enough to call what you have a "relationship," then to me you shouldn't be fucking anyone other than that person. It seems common sense to me.

But, like Polley said, we've started to enter an age where relationships are started for pure sexual gratification. I suppose you could say it's like the 70's, except with less of an adult backlash. As I read in an article about unique child names, parents these days are moving farther and farther away from actually raising and disciplining their child. It's become more of a "What does you child want" than "Raise your fucking child."

I suppose in my relationships, sexual monogamy isn't too much to ask for because without that understood there won't be any relationship. But seeing and hearing a lot of what is supposedly becoming a trend in my peers, I'm afraid sexual monogamy may be too much to ask.

 

[BladeRunner]

Look, if you want a monogamous relationship, then be with someone who also wants that.

If you want a polygamous relationship, then be with someone who wants that.

It's all about what the people involved want.

Relationships are like contracts. If you abide by the contract that both parties are wanting, or should I say "the ground rules" of the relationship, then that's all that matters.

If you don't abide by the ground rules, then get ready for the trouble to start.

We all generally know what will piss off our mates. You know when you're asking for it!

 

[Dagger Dias]

The fact that such an article even exists is so depressing. I believe that cheating on a significant other when you are in a committed relationship with them, is one of the worst things you could possibly do to someone. If you don't want to be with that person anymore, then do the right thing and split up with them, don't cheat on them! I was cheated on by both of my two previous ex's. One canceled a date to hang out with a guy she ended up sleeping with. Another, who I was practically engaged to, slept with two of my best friends. I ended up finding out from THEM and that led to me starting a huge fight with her and dumping her. Why are people so stupid that they do things like that? If you know that someone wants a monogamous relationship, and you don't want one, don't be with them! It's that simple! People can be so stupid. It's one thing if you're in an open relationship, but if you are seeing someone exclusively, then fidelity should be EXPECTED.... that's kinda the point of being in a relationship with them in the first place, you only get physical with each other and no one else because you love each other that much. Honestly.... Whoever wrote that article is a terrible person.

 

[Tastycles]

While I don't believe that some people are even capable of monogamy, I don't think that should be the basis on which we build our relationships. I think it is probably become a social norm that people no longer enter into relationships with the idea that they will be with the person forever, and so this idea has become apparent.

Monogamy is certainly something I expect in a relationship, but that is probably because I have an incredibly practical view of life. My girlfriend is the first person I've ever called that because I actually believe I'll be with her forever and always have, people I'd been with before were not in anyway formal relationships as I'd feel I was wasting my time. People want it all now, the security of a relationship and to sow their wild oats, but it obviously can't ever work now.

 

[ABMorales787]

Trust is the base of any relationship. If you can't commit yourself to the promises you make then why call it a relationship? Honestly. What kind of article is that? It like saying there's no reason to trust your family, or anyone.

Is this really what we are down to? There's so much infidelity that now they're teaching us how to do it right? Cute. If you call her your girlfriend its because you trust her and you want to share more of your life with her trusting that she does the same. Personally, sexually and all of that. If you call her your fiancee or wife you say it because you trust that you be with her for the rest of your life. If you can't stick to the promise then you flat out suck as a human being.

 

[HBK-aholic]

What happened to the days of just expecting my boyfriend to NOT have sex with other women? We haven't even spoke about it, the fact we're 'in a relationship' shows automatically that the only sexual pleasure we should be getting is from each other, and I expect no less. I could never be with a man who wanted to be with more than one person sexually, at a time, no matter how hot/amazinng he was.

Cheating, to me, is one of the worst things a person could do and I'd never condone it. I need to love someone to be with them sexually, and I see being sexually exclusive as a sign of love - I don't think you can be with someone you love if you have sex with other people. So, if my boyfriend wanted to have sex with other women, he couldn't love me, so why would I stay with him? Sex isn't everything in a relationship, and you can easily have a loving, devoted relationship without it.

 

[The Gribbler]

This depresses me as much as any of you, but I am in a long term (Do you consider 2 years and counting long term?) relationship and I don't fuck around with other people, I don't cheat and She doesn't cheat and it would be over quick as a flash if either of us did.

Call me old fashioned but this new world of fucking whoever comes your way makes me sick.

Just My Opinion

 

[Schizophrenic]

I read the article as well (I also have a subscription to it as my girlfriend got it for me) and it just irritated me. And what bothered me as a guy was that most of the people interviewed and stating how they did it were WOMEN! It was the girls saying "I cheat, i fuck around". Thankfully I dont have to worry about that but it just boggles my mind. You would think it would be the other way around but it's not. It's like the saying if a guy sleeps with tons of girls he's the man but if a girl sleeps with alot of guys she's a ****. Gone are those days. It's now become if a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls he's a dog and a horrible person, but if a girl does it it's ok because she's a confident woman and exploring her sexuality. Bullshit! You are with a guy in a relationship explore it with him.

 

[Loveless]

They really wouldn't have much of an article if the answer came back "Fuck yeah monogamy is important" it'd kind of undermine the what they're trying to do. What I'd suggest you do is go and ask your friends and I'm betting they'll rip this article to shreds.
If you want a stable relationship then allowing your partner to go out looking for someone else probably isn't a great idea, and let's face it, sooner or later that's what's going to happen.
Here's the question. Do you want to fuck other people more than you want your partner to be only yours? In my mind anyone who says they would really doesn't care about the person they're with and might as well be single.
I always thought I'd be OK with an open relationship, that was until I met the right person. In that case it was a real shock to me to find out how jealous and protective I was when there was a threat around. Honestly you think you're secure with these things and suddenly you find yourself holding her ex off the top edge of the stairs by his throat