Don't You Dare, Hollywood! Vol. 1: Big Trouble In Little China

[nightmare]

Hollywood has an issue with remakes. Partially due to the people who grew up watching awesome things now have the power and means to finally "Do it better" & also due to the older folks still in power that want to make more money without actually coming up with new material or ideas. The sequel trend works for certain movies, I guess, but even that tends to go overboard a bit. Now we have many people who have been just re-imagining past shows and movies in order to make a buck, regardless of if the end product is good or if the original warrants the need to be remade.



This time, I think they have gone too far.


The Rock is attached to star in a remake of Big Trouble In Little China & man I dont like this one bit. Sure, I like Rock & I love that movie, but combining the two? Bad idea IMO. Do we really need to remake a classic like this? You either love it or hate it, but I doubt adding Dwayne to the mix changes opinions or helps draw anything but comparisons of where the new version craps on the original. He says he wants to stay true to the original, but honestly- is that going to happen or will it just be a hokey remake? If he wants to stay true, why do it at all?

Carpenter has gone on to say he does not really agree with the need for a remake, but is taking the bounty hunter stance by saying he will like it more if the money is right. Gee, thanks John. He doesnt seem to care one way or another but at this point I assume he could either sit back and let someone else crap on his film or get paid tons to try and keep it from being a complete clusterfuck. It is still in the early phases & a script is being penned as we speak, but I just think this is a bad idea & more about getting ticket sales off of The Rock more than anything. Carpenter may as well get paid I guess & help make it halfway decent, even if it does not live up to the original. I just think the time and money could be spent on giving us something original to watch instead of rolling the dice on something that could end up being a terrible remake.



Certain flicks just need to stay classics if you ask me. This is one of them for sure & I swear if someone decides to remake They Live with John Cena... I just might have to drive to California & chop someone in the throat.

 

[Kodo Sawaki]

Wake up, they have gone too far few years ago when they have started spawning movies like "Total Recall", "Clash of Titans", "Karate Kid", "Conan the Barbarian" and so on and so on.

Eventhough occasionally they hit really good(Mad Max for example if you can really say that movie is remake) mostly they flop in terms that original greatly outshines it. I mean, here is one other remake that will probably be pretty shitty.

The New Ghostbusters Sounds Insane

It looks like 40-year-old men who still consider pizza rolls an acceptable dinner aren't the only ones who are nervous about the upcoming Ghostbusters reboot. One of the first things Tom Rothman (hey, it's that asshole again!) did when he took over as chairman of Sony was order the film's budget slashed. As weird as it is for Hollywood to not have faith in the moneymaking potential of an all-female action movie, the filmmakers were nevertheless able to cut the budget from $169 million to $154 million ... without reducing anyone's salary, of course. Because that's what matters here, right? How much could half a million jars of marshmallow fluff cost, anyway? They'll make it work; there are ridiculously overpaid actors to think about!

To be fair, Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, and Paul Feig (who's had a hand in every one of your favorite TV comedies) don't come cheap. With that kind of funny power at the helm, what could possibly go wrong? Well ...

In a rambling email leaked during the Sony hack, Feig outlines his vision for the film, which has apparently been compromised by some funny-tasting mushrooms. Potential spoilers follow:

For example, I want in the third act to have the entire police force and army accompany the Ghostbusters to the final battle but since our villain only wants to deal with the Ghostbusters and wants to make the government look ridiculous, he possesses the entire police and army forces and makes them do a big ridiculous dance number in the middle of Fifth Avenue.

Let's be honest -- that may very well end up being the most hilarious thing you'll ever see. But it doesn't get any more normal from there. Feig says he wants the ghosts to be "dead villains and famous criminals he recruits from the ghost world," including "in what I think could be a billion-dollar idea ... the ghosts of evil beings from other parts of the universe -- yes, ghost aliens!" Yes, ghost aliens.

I mean, "Ghostbusters" alone is pretty wacky but cmon.

So, yes, they have gone too far long time ago with that.

 

[Lowdown]

I just saw a trailer for the new Vacation movie coming out next month. Needless to say it looked pretty mediocre. I was never really into Ed Helms, and him replacing Chevy Chase doesn't add any appeal. I've been saying for years that Hollywood has really run out of ideas, and its getting worse. Another Fantastic Four is coming in August, and that looks to be worse than the original from ten years ago. It's even trickling down to TV. Supposedly "Martin" is coming back after nearly 20 years. Maybe I'm wrong, but Martin Lawrence doesn't have the same appeal these days as he did back then. It's a lot of head scratchers going on for sure.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

Aren't there just more movies today than 30 years ago?

It's not that Hollywood has run out of ideas, it is just that brand recognition pays. It's not like the Avengers were recently pulled out of someone's ass but people seem to eat that shit up. And that's OK. A Big Trouble remake or sequel isn't the worst decision in the world. It is not like the last movie came out five years ago and we are getting a reboot (Hi Spiderman and Batman). It has been like 30 years. And as much as the original is a ton of fun and has strong rewatchability, it's greatness is in it's campiness. It has Kim Cantrell for crying out loud. It is Kurt Russell playing that same guy he almost always played with a ton a great lines being the white fish out of water who some how beats this mystical monstrosity that he really has no business beating.

Is this movie going to be good? Probably not. Am I going to go see it? Most likely not. Does it introduce a new audience to the original? Some what, and that is a good thing. Is it worth giving another chance? Sure.

/poorly worded and thoughtout rant

 

[Alex]

You have to remember they were doing sequels/remakes of old stuff forever.

They remade King Kong in the 70s, they've been doing Texas Chainsaw sequels/reboots since the first one and nobody really gives a shit about them.

Just look at it like this it'll come out people will watch it. If it's really good people will remember, if it's shit/forgettable people will talk about the original. Just ask reboot Robocop if anyone gives a shit about him.

 

[nightmare]

I guess the remake train has just become more prevalent the past few years & some irritated me more than others. Especially Karate Kid. If they are going to remake something & improve on it with fresh new ideas, why not try Tales from the Crypt? There are tons of great horror guys out there & it could be done well by using them to create new stories and give a nod to the original series.

I guess that seeing the news of a favorite movie being potentially crapped on with a remake got to me a bit. Probably didnt help that I had some whiskey in the glass either. Plus I just seem to be getting bored with films lately & crave new ideas, not useless sequels. Although if Hollywood insists on doing remakes, why cant they just re-do Spawn properly so we can forget that terrible first one? That movie stands out as one people would not mind seeing done right with a fresh coat of paint.

 

[Alex]

I know what you mean. Apparently they're remaking The Crow (one of my all time favourite movies). If they go the route of doing a shot for shot of the comic and keeping the tone I won't mind per se but being Hollywood I doubt it, I fear they'll go the tween audience route.

I to have been bored with Hollywood movies. Most of the time I only go to hang out with my friends. I'll see a film and promptly forget it a week later. I can only think of a few that I actually enjoyed. It's probably why I've been watching B-movie stuff on Netflix. Yeah half the time the acting is bad and stories ludicrous but it's at least something different.

 

[Jack-Hammer]

I'm not really sure how I feel about it. I enjoyed the original, it's one of those really fun movies to just sit down and watch on a Saturday afternoon.

It was a bomb at the box office and got mixed reviews, but it's one of those movies that garnered significant critical and fan acclaim as time went on, which is the hallmark of a cult classic. The movie's pretty nonsensical, but not in a way that makes you roll your eyes and say "the hell am I doing watching this malignant turd?" The nonsense is intentional, it's not meant to be this big serious, dramatic thing; that coupled with the characters makes it a lotta fun in my opinion.

As for The Rock being in a remake, it could work. We all know The Rock's cup overflows with charisma and if he can put his own spin on Jack Burton while keeping the essence of the character in tact and not have it be a rip off of Kurt Russell, then it could be a lotta fun. The problem is that I have a feeling Hollywood is going to try to make this a polished, slick, big budget production that'll ultimately come at the expense of a lot of what made the original film entertaining. The original had a budget of $20 million, which was moderately expensive circa 1986, so the budget is gonna be pretty big on the remake; it'll have to be because The Rock's price per film alone is in the $20-$30 million range, plus he gets additional money for doing most of his own stunt work and whatever other role he might have behind the scenes, like producer or executive producer, etc. So, odds are, this is gonna be a $100+ million budgeted movie, which vastly increases the odds of the spirit of the original being sacrificed, if necessary, in order for the studio to make a profit.

 

[Mitch Henessey]

If the powers that be decided to remake The Golden Child 1986, I'm pretty sure the uproar surrounding the film would be nonexistent. The Golden Child, starring Eddie Murphy features a similar storyline, and while both films are cult classics, Big Trouble In Little China is easily the more popular film, when you compare the two.

The plot, the campy style of humor, the characters, Eddie Murphy's Chandler Jarrell and Kurt Russell's Jack Burton, and the 80's nostalgia. It's almost impossible to ignore the similarities, but BTILC is revered, and it's a memorable top three film for Carpenter/Russell collaborations with the likes of The Thing and Escape From New York. On the other hand, The Golden Child is more of an under the radar/guilty pleasure film for 80's Eddie Murphy.

A Big Trouble In Little China remake? Eh, there's a slight chance it could work. We'll probably see more of The Rock and not Dwayne Johnson the actor, because the persona is a near perfect fit for Jack Burton. Although, as Jack-Hammer said, I'm worried about Hollywood turning this into a Michael Bay-esque (for the love all things holy, if this actually happens, hopefully Bay will stay far away from it) blockbuster action film with one too many explosions and too much CGI.

I don't have a problem with Rock taking on the role of Burton. Apparently, he's a big fan of the original, he's proven himself as a star in Hollywood, and you know he's more than willing to give 110% and dedicate himself to the role (i.e. Hercules and Pain & Gain). But in the end, I have a feeling we'll just see another forgettable and middle-of-the-road remake.

 

[FitFinlay4Life]

The problem I see here is that the original Trouble wasn't a hit; it was a cult hit - or to put it another way, it has a je ne sais quoi essence. How to you replicate that?

The Rock isn't Jack Burton - Burton's appeal is that he isn't anywhere near as cool or hard as he thinks he is; Dwayne has overcome dodgy CGI, fairy outfits, cuteness overload kids and being called Dwayne to still look both hard and cool at all times. The originals storyline is disjointed and has massive plotlines holes - an example being that Lo Pan believes that Kim Cattrall could also meet the criteria of being his curse breaker despite the fact that she isn't Chinese... if he'd only required a green eyed girl, it really wouldn't have taken him centuries to break the curse! Fixing this might serve continuity well but could take away from the fun. Going scene for scene? Has anyone seen Vince Vaughn's 'Psycho'?

I'm with nightmare, cult films should be left alone - NO remakes (Evil Dead, Pink Panther, Rollerball) and NO sequels (Blues Brothers 2000, Caddyshack 2, Grease 2 )!

 

[nightmare]

I know what you mean. Apparently they're remaking The Crow (one of my all time favourite movies). If they go the route of doing a shot for shot of the comic and keeping the tone I won't mind per se but being Hollywood I doubt it, I fear they'll go the tween audience route.

My god, as if the numerous shit sequels were not enough...


Such a great movie & something that surely does not need a hip new spin to it whatsoever.

I'm with nightmare, cult films should be left alone - NO remakes (Evil Dead, Pink Panther, Rollerball) and NO sequels (Blues Brothers 2000, Caddyshack 2, Grease 2 )!

See, with Evil Dead I was on the fence. Hard to duplicate my excitement when the first thing I thought of was"How the hell are they going to replicate Bruce Campbell's role?" I stayed away from spoilers with that one, watched the trailer only & just knew it was going for a more twisted horror tone. I'll be damned if it wasnt pretty good. That was cool with me, especially knowing they were still going to eventually give fans what they wanted in the Evil Dead series.


With this one though, as stated above, there is no way it wont be a big budget film & it will lose part of what the original had going for it. Sure a little polish may be nice, but there is just something about the original that makes it special despite the less than stellar effects. I am sure Rock will have the some classic witty lines like Russell did, but he just wont have the 'average joe' feel to the character like Kurt had. Despite some action roles under his belt, Kurt Russell is far from an action hero type & that is kind of what made Burton cool.


Guess we will see what happens & how the rest of the cast rounds out. Casting could play a big part in if I get excited to see this or I just roll my eyes & hope it isnt a total ruckusfuck of trucker hats, the People's Eyebrow & CGI ninjas who get hit with wrestling moves. If they cast Jackie Chan as Egg, I am out.


Cast I would like to see:

Choi Min-Sik as Egg Shen -that could be real damn good. Plays the older & wise wizard with a bit of charm. Just something about him sticks with me as a nice fit for that role.

Ken Watanabe as Lo Pan- he could pull off the evil bastard foil to the lead heroes & a bit of time in the makeup chair would help him get the old man version of Lo Pan down with ease.

??? as Wang Chi. IDK know about this one. If I were going for someone with stateside appeal to play him, you almost have to look at Steven Yeun (Glenn from Walking Dead). Has shown he isnt scared of mixing it up with action scenes & am sure with the right fight choreography it could work. Seems like a good fit where the studio gets a recognizable face & someone who would be a good sidekick not afraid to throw a punch or shoot someone in the chest with a shotgun.


The 3 Storms- Keeping it real based on price tag, who resembles the original characters a bit & sense that they could play them well...

Will Yun Lee- Rain (The Wolverine, Elektra)
Brian Tee- Thunder (The Wolverine, Tokyo Drift)
Iko Uwais- Lightning (The Raid) how fucking badass would it be to see him fight The Rock for shits and giggles? Write that shit in the script.



IDK, just throwing ideas around. I could get behind the flick with that cast though.