I'll offer the same look into my sordid mind that GSB does.
I don't hate Punk, I don't even dislike Punk. I do like CM Punk. I like Punk a hell of a lot more than I like most people in the back.
I hate this idea that he's the best man to be champion. Because he's not. Cena's the best man to be champion. He's the best in the world. There's one thing Punk is better at than Cena is, and that's kissing the IWC's ass.
He's as good at kissing the IWC's ass as HBK was. I don't know if he's as good as Richard though. He's a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is. Whoops, I'm breaking the fourth wall! (Cue "woo" into the camera)
CM Punk is not the best man to be champion. John Cena is the best in the world.
He's been the best since day one when I walked he finally reached elite status. And he's been vilified and hated since that day because Vince McMahon saw great drawing power that nobody else wanted to admit. Thats right, he's a Vince McMahon guy. You know who else was a Vince McMahon guy? Hulk Hogan. And he's told you to fuck off, just like John Cena should tell you all to fuck off. But the biggest difference between John and Hulk is he's not going to end up a crippled, embarrassed, pedophile.
He's done everything that Punk hasn't (grabbed ratings, drew massive PPV buys consistently) and grabbed the IWC's imaginary brass rings that it's finally dawned on me that they're just that, completely imaginary. The only thing that's real is Cena, and the fact that day in and day out, for almost ten years, he has proved to everyone in the world that he is the best in getting viewers to tune in, making people care about his matches to get them to the main event, getting people to buy tickets to the house show, providing main event matches that make you feel like you spent your money's worth, no one can touch him!
And yet no matter how many times he proves it, he still isn't lauded the same praise, he doesn't get fancy Wrestlezone columns sounding the sirens horn, he doesn't get Wade Keller and Bruce Johnson sucking on his cock, he gets stuck in stupid storylines with AJ, he has to try to carry main event matches with Johnny Ace, he doesn't even have a full year as champion.
And this isn't sour grapes, but the fact that you people think this is a great title reign makes me sick!
Oh, and don't get me wrong, you people are the biggest reason why I'm writing this. No, seriously you are.... I think I've made that effectively clear.
Moving on.
CM Punk is not leaving January 27th with the WWE Title, and hey, maybe he'll get butthurt and go to New Japan. Maybe he'll go to the unemployment line.
Hey Colt Cabana, how are you?
The reason I wrote my article is because of you people. Because even after I've written it and used supporting evidence, youre still going to line up to say he was a great champion. Im just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that. Vince McMahon is going to make money despite himself. Hes a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why hes not a billionaire? Because CM Punk's champion.... Well, ok, maybe that's not why he isn't a billionaire, but it's one of the reason his main show is hemorhagging an audience, why buy rates for the average show is lowering, and why idiot fans don't seem to understand that a champion is measured by your ability to draw an audience, something CM Punk hasn't proven to have done.
You want a personal story about Vince McMahon? You know how his wife had that whole Senate campaign, and-