Do We Ever 'Get Over It'?

[LSN80]

A loss, that is.

Tragedy comes in many forms for many people. Each person is different in the way they both experience and deal with tragedy. To some, it's 'tragic' when they lose their first love, be it a teenage romance, leading all the way up to divorce. Yes, most will scoff at the idea of tragedy coming from the end of a teenage romance, but studies show that major depression and even suicide are the result. Bright and sunny, aren't I?

Tragedy, regardless of the person or the situation, has one thing in common throughout. It's the result of a loss in one's life. That loss could be physical, such as an injury or a disease, emotional, such as the loss of a person, and it can be spiritual, such as the loss of a belief.

I'd be hard pressed to believe that there is no one here that's experienced loss, and as a result, tragedy in their lives. Personally, I've dealt with my fair share in the past few years, and there are things I believe I will never get over. It becomes compounded when one loss leads to another, such as the loss of a person leading to a loss of a belief. If one believes in God, it's easy to paint him the scapegoat for a loss one doesn't see coming, one that can't be explained.

So, do we ever get over it? There's the obvious cliché of 'Time heals all wounds', but does it truly? Does it simply take the time to recover from the death of a loved one? I remember speaking at my grandmother's funeral 5 years ago, and it feels like yesterday. The pain has subsided some, but I still miss her greatly. I remember telling my parents shortly after that I hope I go before them, because I couldn't imagine another loss so great. Do I still feel that way? I'm not sure. I do know that I never want to experience that feeling again, of losing someone I loved so dear. But it's unavoidable, for sure.

If you've dealt with tragedy, has the pain and loss truly left you? Or is it still there in some fashion?

How have you personally dealt with tragedy in your life? Shut down? Drank too much? Lived each day like it was your last?

Have you ever 'blamed God' for a loss that you've experienced?

Any other thoughts and discussion here are welcome and encouraged.

 

[Poop Master Flex]

If you've dealt with tragedy, has the pain and loss truly left you? Or is it still there in some fashion?


While it doesn't cause me pain anymore I will still miss people I know who have died naturally just for the simple fact you don't have that person in your life anymore. To this day from time to time I will miss seeing my grandpa, especially at family gatherings or when I see my grandma because he was always there for so many years and now he isn't. Not only that we had a really good relationship all the way up until his death, there were full summers where I would see them every day not to mention I saw them at once a week from toddler to mid teens, when you spend that much time together its very easy to grow a bond together. Also since a hospital botch is what ultimately caused his death the pill is a lot more
bitter to swallow because you think if he was cared at somewhere else we would probably still have him today.

Eventually you move on but it never really leaves you. The pain has subsided over the years but the memories are still there, luckily though in my case when I think of him I don't think of his death I think of good things so its no longer mourning in my case its remembering the good times we had. He's the only person I've ever lost that would fall under this category and although he's missed its good that when I think of him it makes me happy, not sad. If I can't visit him and still see him living his life I'm glad at least I can reminisce in a positive way.

How have you personally dealt with tragedy in your life? Shut down? Drank too much? Lived each day like it was your last?

Although I didn't shut down I did pull back a lot and mostly kept to myself. Since I've always done my best thinking in seclusion it helped me sort through things, accept how things are and move on.

For example my grandma died at the end of April and for the next week things in life went mostly normal but I spent a lot more time by myself than usual. It helped me work through things in my head and about a week later things were back to normal. Outside of seclusion to an extent things stay mostly the same for me.

 

[Starkist]

If you've dealt with tragedy, has the pain and loss truly left you? Or is it still there in some fashion? For me personally, it took a long time for the tragedy/pain to go away. I've felt it for years when I came face to face with my first encounter of death. I've watched someone take their last breath in front of me. I was 9 years old at the time. It was a horrible experience as it was someone I was very close with.The pain ached in my heart for years. Many many many years, with terrible nightmares and loss of sleep. Self pity rolled in and the pain just never ever went away. I was at a true loss.

How have you personally dealt with tragedy in your life? Shut down? Drank too much? Lived each day like it was your last? The way I dealt with this death was a complete spiral down. A downward spiral into drugs and alcohol. It was crazy. For a few years I was numb, calm and seemingly okay. This wasn't the truth what-so-ever. The inner demon I call it was brewing and fermenting like an un fine wine. I was a rotten apple. I was 14 when all the angst and depression, regret, self pity and sorrow kicked in. The years of shutting out the world took over me. I didn't know what depression was at the age of 9, I mean who would right? At this time I started smoking weed, rebelling against my mother, the world and myself. Lost track of school, life and said "fuck it all". If I died that day, I was going out with a bang. I partied harder than anyone who claimed they partied hard. I smoked ounces a day, snorted $800 dollars of perks, vics, oc's a day. Did not care. The pain was unberable, until I saw the light.

Have you ever 'blamed God' for a loss that you've experienced? Yes, yes I did blame God for all my issues. Lost faith and would curse his name daily. Thought it was cool, thought it made me badass to do it. Did it make me badass? Probably not, but at the time I didn't care. I was best friends with misery. I blamed God because who else would I blame, myself? Nah, was to good for that. I blamed God as he took away someone I loved, someone who I was told was going to be okay. He died, so it was not okay. I was not understanding of life at the time and I personally don't want to die. It is a selfish thought I know but it is the truth. All the drugs, all the pain and all the misery needed to be put onto someone. Sure was not going to be me, so it was God. He didn't believe in me and I shouldn't believe in him. So yeah, I blamed God. It was not until two years ago where I found my faith. I've found the strength to add up everything I ever been through to know that it wasn't my fault that he passed away; nor was it God's. It's just how life works. Eventually I forgave myself, and moved forward knowing that is the best thing I could have ever done. I am now finding strength everyday and I've been sober for close to two years now. Could of never been happier. I work, go to school and workout. I am healthy, stronger and even though I've moved on I can say I haven't got over it completely I just understand it. Hell, I guess it isn't getting over it in a negative way it's just getting over the sorrow and misery and never letting the memories go.

 

[Owen 3:16 says I just stole your Slammy!!]

When something goes wrong in my life. It usually takes me a couple days before i can get over something. When I get pass it, I try not to think about the bad and move on. When my dad died 2 years ago, I was really sad and was lost for a little while to get passed it. I was 17 when he died so it was a little tough for me. But whenever I think about my dad or grandparents that passed on, I never think about the bad, I think about the good and makes me feel better.

 

[lenguy]

If you've dealt with tragedy, has the pain and loss truly left you? Or is it still there in some fashion?

Tragedy and subsequently, loss are just as much of part of life as love, faith and happiness. We are bound to it because as humans we live with desire and desire brings suffering which could lead to tragedy and loss. I would find it to be far fetched if there is one person living on this planet has hasn't come face to face with tragedy by some measurable degree. Some suffer more than others, but we all suffer by some means.

This includes myself, I'm not immune to the chains and barriers of tragedy. I may not have lost a family member or see the loss of a life but I have lost a friend due to suicide. It still hurts but I was able to forgive him and move on and I choose to remember him through positive memory. I was able to get over it remarkably quick, actually. I mean, of course it still hurts when ever its brought up or I think about it in that light but it doesn't affect my day to day life anymore is what I'm saying I guess.

Then the other was of coursed being crushed in body, mind a spirited by the person I first loved. Somebody who I thought was my friend and always would, completely betrayed. You know, In school, they can teach everything about the world you are about to enter after. But they never teach you how to deal with a heartbreak. Some people can get over these things with the greatest of ease. Some, like myself let it consume you and rot you from the inside. I chose to deal with in my own way. I went down a dark path and did things I'm not proud of but It's all part of the journey. What was most important to me while I was on this road of self destruction and decay was always self preservation. I would not allow this to change me and be my very undoing. I'd like to think that in the end, I handled myself very well. It's no longer the festering open wound that it once was but now a scar takes it place as a sole reminder just how bad things can get if you allow them to. But here I am, alive.

How have you personally dealt with tragedy in your life? Shut down? Drank too much? Lived each day like it was your last?

I suppose I explained this above already lol. I always dealt with it my own way. I either would shut myself away from the world for a bit or found solitude in drugs. I knew what I was doing wasn't wrong but I knew I could be better. I still do these things but in a state of moderation, restraint and absolution. I accept what I may be doing may not be okay with everybody but It helps me out some days. You know? Do what makes you feel better. If smoking a big fatty helps you cope or if you feel like shutting yourself away from the world for a bit, then good on you. Deal with in a way you know works for you.

Have you ever 'blamed God' for a loss that you've experienced?

Heavens no. I'm not a religious man by any means. I reject the premiss of a perfect world. I understand that, you know, from time to time, things just aren't going to be okay. I accept that bad things are bound to happen and that I often have no control over these things. I don't try to control or manipulate the environment around me so everything always ends up in my favor. I just kind of let things just, happen. I prepare myself for the storm to come ahead. It might tear things up and shift my foundations around. It could take my house, destroy my life. I may blow up and I may loss my temper, I may cry a bit and I might just fracture and crumble altogether. But it is all a part of life. Tragedy is a given, the choice on how you choose to respond and then deal with it is entirely up to you.

Any other thoughts and discussion here are welcome and encouraged.

Okay. The topic of discussion is loss and if we ever get over it, right? Well, I'm curious to know what people think what tragedy is the most difficult to "get over?". The loss of a close friend? A family member? You're home and all its possessions? Maybe its more medical. Maybe you are the person involved in a freak accident over seas and a bomb takes both of your legs from you. Of course we have to take into consideration the events that caused such tragedies and how traumatic they were.

 

[Johnny Scumm]

If you've dealt with tragedy, has the pain and loss truly left you? Or is it still there in some fashion?

5, almost 6 years ago I lost my mum & I was only 13 when it happened, so back then, it was a big deal for me to cope with. The pain however, is still there & I don't ever think that it'll leave. I've lost multiple family members recently, but none as significant as when my mum died.

How have you personally dealt with tragedy in your life? Shut down? Drank too much? Lived each day like it was your last?

I completely shut everyone out, I refused to speak to people, spent most of my time on my own & now I look back on it, I'd probably have done better to talk to people because eventually, when I was more open with my situation, people really proved that they can be there for you in bad times.

Have you ever 'blamed God' for a loss that you've experienced?

I haven't, I'm an atheist.

 

[HBsam31]

If you've dealt with tragedy, has the pain and loss truly left you? Or is it still there in some fashion?

I can honestly say yes the pain has left me, but my outlook on this subject is a bit different than some of the other people I know. I lost one of my best friends from suicide when I was 18 (I am now 32). It hurt like hell when it happened, didn't deal with it so great, and after a few years time it got better and I just moved on. I have been very lucky as the only loss I have suffered was that friend and my grandparents. I was sad for a few days when they died, but I understand that people die. My grandparents lived into their 80's and 90's. That is a great life by anyone's standards, and when they died they believed they would be reunited in Heaven. My wife's grandmother just died at 98. She expressed many times she wanted to hurry up and die. I went to her funeral and she looked so at peace that I believe she really did want to go, and was happier for it. In a way I was happy for her. I will state again that I have been very lucky. If my wife were to go before me I think I might possibly shut down for good.

How have you personally dealt with tragedy in your life? Shut down? Drank too much? Lived each day like it was your last?

When my friend committed suicide I drank and drank and drank some more. It was possibly the absolute worst way it could have been handled. It just kept bringing the pain to the surface again and again. It took a lot longer for the pain to go away that way. When I lost my grandparents all I did was mourn with my parents and moved on. I think that was a much better way to handle it.

Have you ever 'blamed God' for a loss that you've experienced?

No, not at all. First off I am unsure if I even believe in God, but even still bad things happen to absolutely everyone. God doesn't sit up there and say fuck you, today I am going to take you mom. Blaming God or anyone else will just intensify pain imo.

 

[Mustang Sally]

I reject the premiss of a perfect world. I understand that, you know, from time to time, things just aren't going to be okay.

That's the proper attitude. Yes, sometimes the things that go wrong are really bad, but the expression "time heals all wounds" truly is valid.....unless you won't let it.

Four years ago, I lost both my parents in a three-week period. I thought I'd never be able to let go of it, but by moving on and taking care of what had to be done (as executor of both their estates) I found myself thinking only of the good things about them. While the thoughts were fresh, they were painful, but it was amazing how quickly they became pleasant memories, which they remain today.

Yes, we get over it.....if we allow ourselves to. A person can keep the tragedy alive if it suits them, but it's counter-productive, to say the least. For the same reason, "blaming God" is just a way of refusing to move on. Plainly, blaming someone or something when things go wrong is a trait of people, but it solves nothing. When my parents passed, I don't recall thinking of God, one way or the other. It wouldn't have brought me any satisfaction to blame him, nor would it have brought my parents back.

Yes, we do "get over" tragedy, unless we're determined not to. Honestly, it's amazing how much good and bad stuff the human psyche is capable of handling. Keeps us sane, y'know?

 

[Dagger Dias]

If you've dealt with tragedy, has the pain and loss truly left you? Or is it still there in some fashion?

It depends on the severity of the tragedy and what type of event that it was. The loss of a loved one who passes away, your level of closeness to them determines how much you continue to miss them and whether or not the feelings of sadness ever truly leaves you. Then there are times when someone hurts you in ways that result in tragedy. Tragic events such as the two examples I just listed have proven to be the toughest for me to overcome, mainly due to my levels of closeness to those involved.

How have you personally dealt with tragedy in your life? Shut down? Drank too much? Lived each day like it was your last?

In the aftermath of tragic events I often try to surround myself with my most supportive friends who either are able to help me or at the very least provide a shoulder to cry on. Your friends who are the most spiritually strong are the ones who often will be able to help you get through tragedy. The guys from the bible study I am currently involved with have been supportive during the past few months in particular anytime something rather bad has happened or if stress has been getting the better of me.

Pets are generally good about cheering you up too. I would be rich if I had a dime for every time I've been sad and my dogs (whether that be my two pups I have now or the dogs I grew up with) could tell, then they come and lick me or do something silly to make me feel better. Many dogs are extremely smart and can tell when something is wrong with their humans. Taking them for long walks helps me sort out my thoughts and it gets me out of the apartment for some fresh air at the same time. It is often one of my initial choices in dealing with tragedy or stress.

There is no substitute for prayer though. I truly believe there is power in prayer. For the most difficult of situations and the harshest tragedies, I take it to God in prayer. There are some things we as human beings just can't overcome on our own, and there's nothing wrong with asking for help from above if you are sincerely in need of it. I know you aren't all Christian, but this is how I deal with tragic events in my life and I am simply answering the question.

Have you ever 'blamed God' for a loss that you've experienced?

I have before. It's easy to try to think of a scapegoat, but you have to look at the bigger picture. Sometimes tragedies bring people together, or bring them closer to God as they begin to trust in Him again by seeking help in prayer when they normally might not place priority on reading scripture or attending church. A lot of Christians get that part of the lifestyle wrong these days. I know it's easier said than done, but we as Christians should be crying out to the lord for help not bitterly blaming our creator for tragic events. Like I said in my response to the previous question seeking help and support from others at your church or bible study group can do wonders. For those that aren't religious it is far easier I'd imagine for them to blame a higher power. They don't necessarily believe in one religiously and they need a scapegoat to blame the situation on, so that could come off as an easy solution.

Final thought before I wrap this post up.... In most cases, I personally believe the absolute last thing anyone should ever do in dealing with tragedy is to seclude themselves and be all alone. Get help whether it be from friends, family, a trusted peer at work, or even your pets. Don't let yourself fall into the trap of thinking you need to be alone. You don't. This is where people begin making decisions they regret, no one is there to tell you that it's not such a good idea.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

I live each day like it wa smy last without tragedy, so fuck it

Now, did I get that way via tragedy? Perhaps, but its the creed tself that makes me not allow tragedy to weigh upon me.....IE, you only have one life(far as we know) so why the fuck waste moments or days dwelling on something which is already done?

Time is by far and away our most valuable commodity. Once its gone, its gone forever, and you are only allowed so much of it. The more of it you spend wallowing over something which is already done, is only furthermore making the incident catastrophic.

It can certainley lend / change a lot of perspective for you though. We should all always remember that the both the best revenge on those whom have done you wrong, and ALSO the best way to honor those who have gone on to the other side is to live gloriously.