klunderbunker
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Destination X 2009
Date: March 15, 2009
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,100
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West
Again I continue to try to finish off TNA in 2009 so we get to the March PPV here which is usually pretty awful. The main event is (and Im SHOCKED by this) Sting vs. Angle for the title. In this case we have Foley as an enforcer and Jarrett as guest referee. Theres also Ultimate X so at least the X guys are getting some kind of showcase at their PPV. Lets get to it.
The opening video is about .the 2009 economic crisis and the foreclosure crisis and includes words like stimulus, yes we can and recovery. Well lets see. Youve just alienated all of your Republican fans, youve made a lot of your Democratic fans fired up and youve made the vast majority of the people all sad. Oh and this is something about overcoming or getting something if we work together or whatever.
Theres another video on the X guys which has no effort put into it and looks like nothing compared to the previous video. At least this one got some music for it.
Beautiful People vs. Roxxi/Taylor Wilde/The Governor
Yes, the Governor is the Sarah Palin character that Daffney played. What is up with TNA being all political? There are still three Beautiful People at this point: Angelina, Velvet and Madison. At least Wilde looks good here. Governor (in a pantsuit) vs. Velvet to start. The fans chant yes we can because the Orlando fans are rather annoying.
Off to Roxxi and then to Taylor. The non-beautiful ones are tagging in really fast here. Apparently Madison is just now an official member of the BP. Velvet locks in an Octopus Hold to Roxxi who escapes and kicks her in the face. Sign: Botchmania 71 = this match. Its pretty clear the fans arent that into this but thats to be expected.
Its one of those matches where stuff is happening but there isnt anything to talk about. Taylor is called the upset queen still despite that being like two years prior to this. Taylor comes in and cleans house as this is one of the least interesting matches Ive seen in years. Everything breaks down and the Governor dives over the top to the floor to take out everyone not named Madison on the other team. Madison gets caught in a bridging German by Wilde to end this.
Rating: D. What the hell was the point of this? You hear the term TV match a lot and this is the definition of one. Nothing at all about this match implies that it should be on a PPV in the slightest and yet here it is, opening the show. You can tell a lot about a PPV and how much effort is put into it by the opener and this one was awful. No one cared, nothing happened and it was short. Weak match indeed and Im not looking forward to the rest of this show at all now.
Lauren (my goodness she was gorgeous) is with Jarrett and Foley who are kind of at war with the Main Event Mafia. Jarrett says that the Mafia will wind up hating each other even more and the best man will win. Foley says hell see Kurt at ringside.
Its time for a Brutus Magnus open challenge. Theyre having a lot of issues with the sound as they keep missing the beginning of the intros. Magnus is British and yet is a gladiator. I dont recall there being gladiators in Great Britain but what do I know? Theres a guest ring announcer here who was in the Navy. His name is Jesse Neal and he has a full head of hair and sideburns. Again, what is up with the political stuff tonight?
Brutus Magnus vs. Eric Young
So yeah, Neal said nine words. Good thing he was here indeed. Magnus is undefeated here I think. He hammers away on Young to start and gets a jumping back elbow to take him down. The fans are of course behind Eric and he speeds things up to take him down with an armdrag. Ok apparently Magnus is on the British version of American Gladiators, properly enough titled British Gladiators. That explains the name, but when do you remember an American Gladiator that thought he was a Roman gladiator? Kind of odd but it makaes sense if you think about it from a wrestling viewpoint.
Brutus takes over again and the beating begins. Id assume itll continue until morale improves. Powerbomb connects but the top rope splash by Magnus that it sets up misses. Death Valley Driver, Youngs former/current finisher, gets two and the ending is already sealed by that with ease. Top rope elbow by Young gets two as well. Nice bridge by Young into a backslide gets two. Eric goes up top only to get crotched and end his momentum. Something resembling a TKO off the top rope ends this with Magnus getting the win.
Rating: D+. What the hell is up with the first twenty minutes of this show? Boring match here that again could and probably should have been on Impact. Magnus never really did anything for the most part as he was around and then dropped the whole Gladiator thing and became a generic British dude. Nothing here of note at all.
We run down the card to fill in some time. Tonight is the ending of the One Night With ODB thing. That means Cody Deaner. Oh dear.
Sheik Abdul Bashir comes out to talk despite this being time for the Match of 10,000 Tacks. Hes upset that hes not on the PPV tonight despite being here. Oh he wants a match and things its because a Muslim that he doesnt have one. Now lets talk about Obama. This is turning into a running joke now with all the politics. He complains about the soldier getting cheered and him getting booed and how thats not fair. Apparently hes a prisoner of the concentration camp that is America.
Jim Cornette, the current boss of TNA, comes in to yell at Cornette. Notice that Tenry points out that Cornette is a representative of TNA management. That took two seconds and anyone that may not be familiar with this show and now they know who Cornette is and what business he has here. See how easy that is? Cornette says that no one likes Bashir because he always runs his mouth. He throws Bashir out but has Neal lead the crowd in God Bless America to tick Bashir out. Well ignore that Bashir was born in Minnesota I guess. Total waste of 8 minutes.
Angle complains to the Mafia about some conspiracy and they say dont worry about it as theyll win. Booker looks like an idiot.
We recap Abyss vs. Morgan. They were partners until Morgan went insane and turned heel, challenging him to be in a Match of 10,000 tacks. Morgan had hit on Abyss girlfriend Lauren and had been a general dick. Nothing at all of note, as always.
Abyss vs. Matt Morgan
You win by throwing the other person into the tacks. What a novel concept indeed. Morgan jumps him to start and takes over. There is no sign of the tacks to start but I guess theyre coming later. Abyss chops him in the chest HARD and the crowd responds loudly. So much for the offense though as a clothesline puts him out on the floor.
Ah there are the tacks. Theyre on big tables/boards and not really held down at all. Abyss sets them up in front of the stage while Morgan is down, only to get sent into the railing. Morgan, ever the scholar, tries for the cover and is told that it doesnt work. I guess that wasnt part of his, ahem, blueprint for the match?
Ok wait now theres a pole with tacks in it? So you can put them in ANY set of tacks? Is this a tack scavenger hunt? Morgan gets in his face and talks some trash and escapes a chokeslam. We get the Umaga running ass to the head of Morgan in the corner. Theres another bag of tacks on another corner. You know Russo had SOMETHING to do with this. Abyss plays to the crowd and walks into a Carbon Footprint to take him down.
If it sounds like Im bored its because I am. This is a very boring match because they arent really teasing the tacks at all and are just having a match where they keep grabbing more and more tacks. Lot blow by Abyss and he throws Morgan into a chair wedged between the ropes. Abyss finally tries a powerbomb into the tacks but gets reversed. He has to settle for the Black Hole Slam not into the tacks instead.
Heres some glass to be put on top of the tacks. You know because we havent done this in awhile right? Morgan heads up the stage only to be caught in a chokeslam attempt. That of course doesnt happen and Morgan knocks him into the tacks off the stage to finally end this match which felt like it lasted about 8 hours instead of 8 minutes.
Rating: D. This was one of the least interesting matches I can remember in a long time because no one thought Abyss had a chance of winning it. Boring match as they spent like a minute of the match teasing going into the tacks and thats all there was to it. At least they let Abyss be in a weapons match as he was supposed to be.
Booker doesnt want to defend the title tonight. He doesnt know what duress or coercion means.
Video on the ODB thing where there was a contest with the winner getting a date with her. One is a guy in a suit, one is a redneck from Alabama who is named Cody Deaner and one is Shark Boy.
Now its time to select who won. Yes, this is going to take up PPV time as well. She brings a referee with her for some reason. Shes dressed up here and theres a drummer at ringside named Crusty. I give up. Apparently there are some women who applied also. First up is Deaner who is a trucker from the town Lynyrd Skynyrd is from. He has a criminal record it seems. Up second is Shark Boy. Third is a mortgage broker from New Mexico named Bernie Weber.
They have to answer questions. First up is why should you get the night with her. Itll be hot and steamy apparently. Deaner says he doesnt need the whole night and he can get her done (Larry the Cable Guy) in 60 minutes. Shark Boy says he can do it in 22-23 minutes and maybe even do it twice in that amount of time. Weber says he has money. Apparently Weber is actually the VP of marketing for TNA. Well he didnt look like a wrestler.
Second question is that ODB wants to know how they can move. Yep its a Dance-Off. According to Jeremy this is a regulation dance-off. Well thats good to know. JB calls the moves here. Apparently one is called the Octomom. Its terrible and gets booed out of the building. Sharkie (who has nothing on Shocky) does various wrestling taunts/signature stuff (Freebird walk, Spinarooni, Savage finger spin etc) which was kind of entertaining I guess. Deaner dedicates it to Dale Earnhardt and .uh I have no idea. The hair isnt the longest part on him apparently.
Question three is axed apparently as we go to a crowd vote. Shark Boy clearly wins this with Deaner coming in second. ODB looks them over and picks Deaner. They would be a bad comedy couple for a few months before Deaner tried to win the Knockouts Title. They would go on a date on Impact. This got 13:57. Let that sink in for a bit as the longest match is 14:10.
Beer Money, heels here, say theyre not worrying about retiring Team 3D. Theyve been doing something called the Off the Wagon Challenge, meaning titles vs. careers. Apparently only one Dudley would be gone. Storm wants respect.
We recap Sojournor Bolt vs. Kong. Bolt is new here and is just some chick that wrestles.
Knockouts Title: Sojournor Bolt vs. Awesome Kong
Bolt used to be in the Kongtourage, which more or less was Kongs stable of bodyguards. The fans are behind Kong here which is kind of odd. She never really was a face but shes not someone you can make into one with no one that could stand against her other than maybe the Beautiful People. Kong runs her over to start and puts on a swinging sleeper which is exactly what it sounds like.
Corner charge misses and Kong loses her control .for about 8 seconds. Chokeslam gets two. Middle rope splash misses and maybe now we can get something going here. Magistral cradle gets two for Bolt and its clear this isnt going to last long. Middle rope double axe cant take Kong down. A rana off the middle rope is caught and the Awesome Bomb ends this. Total and complete squash.
Rating: D-. Was there a point to this really? Bolt was supposed to be the new hope for the division to stop Kong and we got this? Anyway, Angelina would take the title in April at Lockdown. Theres nothing else to say here as Bolt looked like a total jobber the entire match here.
We recap Steiner vs. Joe. Joe was awesome when he got here and then stopped. He blamed politics and the Mafia for what happened to him and came back with a fucking machete (ignore the rubber part of it) to hold to Steiners throat. Steiner isnt mentioned in this until the very end.
Samoa Joe vs. Scott Steiner
Oh and Joe has that tattoo on his face now. This is that Nation of Violence thing and the point where Joes gut had its own zip code. Steiner might be busted 20 seconds into this as he channels his inner Flair. I guess thats what Flair taught him in the Magnificent Seven back in WCW. Steiner gets beaten to the floor where he finds a pipe which Joe pops him with to end it in less than two minutes. Uh, point to this? Joe would join the Mafia for money in June.
Post match Joe keeps up the beating and takes it into the crowd. We go to the back as I wonder why we didnt let this be part of the match. I think they leave the building and we lose the camera feed to a ton of booing.
AJ says that the Frontline cant fight the battles anymore and its up to the young guys.
We recap the AJ vs. Booker feud. AJ stole the physical belt from Booker so Booker went on this big police thing to get the belt back, apparently wanting 20 years in prison for AJ. The comedy from that was indeed rather good. Cornette said drop the charges or no match which Booker agreed to. Thank you for actually addressing some of the legal issues for a change.
Legends Title: AJ Styles vs. Booker T
The Legends Title would eventually evolve into the TV Title. Big reaction for AJ. Well its his house so that makes sense. The idea here is that Booker didnt know this was a title match coming in. What that actually adds to it Im not sure but theyre trying at least. They jockey for position to start us off until Booker grabs the arm. AJ does one of those athletic counters with a lot of flips and moves to get out.
The fans are split here as again the faces and heels are considered equals here. They seem like theyre a bit off base here but its not that bad. Big clothesline puts AJ down but Styles speeds it up and hits that perfect dropkick of his to send Booker to the floor. Forearm (still love that move) from the apron has Booker reeling. That gets two back in the ring and we go back to the back and forth stuff.
Booker gets a spin kick for two and throws on a key lock. AJ gets a Samoan Drop out of nowhere but Booker hangs on which is kind of impressive. That doesnt last much longer and AJ gets some momentum going with strikes and the forearm in the corner. Hammerlock into a belly to back for two.
The spinning sunset flip out of the corner by Booker is reversed into a Styles Clash attempt which doesnt work. Book End doesnt work but the side kick does, getting two. AJ grabs a full nelson of all things but changes to a German suplex for two. He tries the forearm again but jumps into a kick to take both guys down. Booker Spinaroonies up but the Axe Kick misses. Pele sets up the Styles Clash for the totally clean win. That came out of nowhere.
Rating: C+. Hard one to grade here. This was less than ten minutes and is somehow by a good amount the longest match of the night so far in the first hour and a half of this show. This was pretty good while it lasted but it needed another 3-4 minutes to really get to another leve. I dont get why they have so many short matches tonight though as its kind of stupid.
In the back, Joe has his machete and its all bloody. Lauren isnt sure what to do. Steiner is nowhere in sight but Joe says ask him if you want to know what happened. Joe is going to kill the rest of the Mafia. And apparently hell do it in some stylish pants.
We recap Beer Money vs. Team 3D in the Off the Wagon Challenge. Its career vs. titles here. Team 3D has some Japanese belts that no one cares about and the vast majority of the fans dont know about but they say they do to sound smart.
Tag Titles: Team 3D vs. Beer Money
The Off the Wagon thing has gotten rid of Lance Rock and Petey Williams so far. So its been a success. And lets confuse new fans by saying that the guys introduced as champions and holding belts are the challengers. The fans are behind 3D here as D-Von starts with Roode. West says if youre a wrestling fan youre a 3D fan. Not really but West never was that good with the whole intelligence thing.
Not much to start as I guess theyre feeling each other out here. D-Von takes it to the mat which doesnt last long. Theyre firmly in first gear here which isnt helping this already kind of bored crowd. The AJ win helped but the show has been so dull so far that its not going to take much to put them to sleep. Off to Ray now who somehow is a major heel two years after being old here.
Storm comes in, still in a t-shirt for some reason. Roode slaps Storms ass and the fans cheer for the Dudleys. Bubba does the switch hands during the test of strength spot. How hard can it be to just headbutt Bubba there? 3D double teams Storm with a double flapjack, which makes me wonder why Ray wouldnt just drop back a bit and hit the 3D right there. Whats Up is broken up as Roode shoves D-Von off the top.
They do the taunt and pop the crowd, which is stupid as theyre faces. Now they say Beer Money sucks. See what I mean about TNA having issues with defining faces and heels? Back when Team 3D would be heels they wouldnt do the GET THE TABLES stuff or various other bits that the fans loved because it would make the people cheer for them, which is bad. Little things like that can change the entire perception of a character.
Beer Money in control now with Storm bringing in Roode to beat on D-Von. But first, this double team. It might have been better if it hadnt been countered by a double clothesline from the darker skinned heir to the Dudley Construction Company fortune (a full $12). Beer Money does one of their oh snap we wound up in a sexual position moves before its Flip Flop and Fly for Storm.
Ray walks into a Blockbuster by Roode as the match breaks down a bit. Roode breaks up the back splash by Bubba and stops a small shift in the planets rotation. Rana by Storm sets up a splash by Roode for two. Bubba Bomb to Roode gets two. Storm spits beer in Roodes face by mistake but were on a shot of the crowd so its hard to see. The reverse 3D gets a very long two on Roode.
Storm grabs a chair and pops Bubba to break up 3D and draw the CHEAP DQ. They were getting up to watchable at that point also. Cue Cornette though who says were going to see a winner and a loser. Granted we already have a winner and a loser but I guess Jim doesnt like them that way. The match is restarted but its no DQ. 3D to Storm but Roode pulls the referee. He picks up Storm and they walk out for the count out. Wheres Cornette now? Did he step out to have a burrito? LOUD bullshit chant for that ending.
Rating: C+. The screwy finish was the absolute wrong call here as the fans were completely behind 3D. They would get the titles the next month in Philadelphia anyway so I dont see the point here at all. This should have been the title change here as the build was there and its not like the titles wouldnt change soon anyway. Bad ending too.
Theres a big deal made about Don West handing Beer Money the belts as they leave. Not sure what the big deal is but whatever.
Four of the five guys in Ultimate X say why theyll win. Sabin says because he has the most experience in Ultimate X. Shelley says hes been defending the title a lot lately but he also picks Sabin. Consequences Creed is nervous as hes not sure what to expect here. Hell do what he can though. Lethal does his Savage imitation again as he was stuck in that character for years.
Video on Ultimate X as we need to waste more time I guess. Lethal of course babbles about nothing in general. Basically the idea here is that Suicide is debuting and no one knows what to do about him.
X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Suicide
Shelley is champion and obviously this is Ultimate X. No signature Guns music yet but we do get the awesome Suicide song and entrance. Everyone jumps the masked dude to start us off to more or less get us down to a tag match. These teams were feuding at the time so it makes sense. The Guns control early and Shelley goes up with Sabin running interference, only to be taken down by Suicide.
Tajiri elbow by Lethal as the fans chant Fallen Angle for Daniels who must be playing Suicide tonight. Sabin takes down Creed and goes after the title, only to be stopped by Creed. I guess he didnt keep him down long enough. The crowd is surprisingly kind of quiet for this. Shelley moves out of the way of a Lethal dive. Suicide sets for a dive but gets kicked in the head by Shelley instead.
Suicide picks up Creed and puts him in a firemans carry so he can flip forward into the other four people in a cool spot. Lethal has to make the save and its back to the tag match. Sabin makes a diving save to stop Creed as the fans are getting into it now. Shelley misses a top rope splash to Creed and its Suicide trying again.
We get an INSANE looking Tower of Doom with Lethal on the bottom and Suicide on top. Being smart, Suicide hooks the cable so the other three fall while he hangs on. Lethal goes up after him and manages to powerbomb Suicide down so that all five guys are down now. Everything goes insane and everyone hits big spots, including a tornado DDT by Sabin to Lethal.
Shelley goes up but gets caught by Lethal. Lethal gets caught in a double powerbomb/Sliced Bread Tower of Doom move from the Guns which was cool. Suicide is caught in the truss as Creed gets a TKO on Shelly off the middle rope. Everyone not named Shelley is down so every one of them not named Suicide climbs a rope. As they kick at each other while hanging, Suicide climbs on top of the X and JUMPS TO THE MIDDLE, knocking everyone else down and grabbing the belt to win it. Awesome ending!
Rating: B. What else can you ask for from a match like this? Just have five young guys go out there and tear the house down with high spots and you have everything you need for the most part. The ending is still awesome and this is by far and away the best match on the show so far which I dont think surprises anyone really.
With a that was awesome chant in the background, Sting says that hell do whatever Angle wants and hell be bringing his A game.
We recap Sting vs. Angle. Angle runs the Mafia but Sting is the leader. Sting had been teasing a heel turn and no one cared for the most part. They had a big brawl in an empty arena which I remember thinking was ok. Jarrett complained about Sting having no integrity and Foley tried to get Sting to leave the Mafia.
TNA World Title: Sting vs. Kurt Angle
Sting is world champion here and Jarrett is referee with Foley as outside enforcer. They all get their own entrances to kill some time. Foley is executive shareholder here or something like that. Sting and Angle both get the long walk from the back as well as videos about them. Now we get big match intros including ones for the referees. GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!!!
FINALLY were ready to go and Angle stalls. Oh great. Thankfully it doesnt last long and were finally going. The fans are split here and Kurt works on the knee. That completely fails for him and Angle is sent to the floor. Theyre staying slow here with Kurt charging ahead and Sting just letting him make mistakes.
After a backdrop we head out into the crowd with Sting in control. Back in the ring and Angle gets a belly to back suplex. Since he didnt shift to the left a bit though it wasnt the Angle Slam. Angle gets some more suplexes including a belly to belly for two. We hit the chinlock as this hasnt been anything special at all so far.
They try cross bodies at the same time and both guys go down. They slug it out and Kurt falls down from something, as it seems like they had a miscue on that one. Stinger Splash and a suplex by the champion for two. Angle Slam is reversed and Sting busts out a powerbomb of all things for two. Scorpion Death Drop is reversed into the ankle lock which is countered as well.
Rolling Germans by Angle get two. Another Angle Slam is countered and Sting hammers away with his always unique striking. Angle Slam out of nowhere hits for two. Well of course it did as its really just a wear down move at this point anyway. The moonsault actually hits and its a decent one for a change. More Germans are reversed into the Death Drop for two.
Angle misses a clothesline and takes down Jarrett. Foley comes in to check on Jarrett as the Scorpion Death Lock goes on and Angle taps but theres no referee. Angle Slam gets two by the hand of Foley so Kurt kicks him in the balls. Keep in mind that Jarrett has been down for about a minute now off of a single clothesline. Its understandable when a referee does that, but Jeff Jarrett is an active wrestler in great shape and a former multi-time world champion. See why this is hard to buy?
Kurt hits the floor and grabs a chair which is taken away by Foley. Foley swings it at Angle which cracks Sting in the head. That would lead to a Foley heel turn soon. Angle Slam to Foley and the chair shot gets two. Jarrett looks like he got beaten down for 40 minutes as he signaled the shoulder was up and almost collapsed. Its been two minutes since the CLOTHESLINE that put him down. Angle spits on him and punches him. Jeff punches him back and Sting gets the Death Drop to retain.
Rating: C-. This was full of problems to say the least. First of all this never got anywhere near a level of epic as I think they were shooting for. The clothesline thing was just stupid. Why in the world would a clothesline keep an A-list guy down for two minutes? When does one keep a jobber down for that long? Anyway, just a pointless match here as nothing changes for the most part, as per usual with this show.
Angle yells at Jarrett to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. Wow this was boring. This is one of those shows that does not need to exist, plain and simple. Theres one very good match with the Ultimate X match and other than that theres nothing going on at all. The company would get a bit better in a few months but this was pretty brutal for awhile. Nothing went past ten minutes until the last three matches. See what I mean? Pointless show and a prime example of where you could cut a show and have nothing be missed.
Date: March 15, 2009
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,100
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West
Again I continue to try to finish off TNA in 2009 so we get to the March PPV here which is usually pretty awful. The main event is (and Im SHOCKED by this) Sting vs. Angle for the title. In this case we have Foley as an enforcer and Jarrett as guest referee. Theres also Ultimate X so at least the X guys are getting some kind of showcase at their PPV. Lets get to it.
The opening video is about .the 2009 economic crisis and the foreclosure crisis and includes words like stimulus, yes we can and recovery. Well lets see. Youve just alienated all of your Republican fans, youve made a lot of your Democratic fans fired up and youve made the vast majority of the people all sad. Oh and this is something about overcoming or getting something if we work together or whatever.
Theres another video on the X guys which has no effort put into it and looks like nothing compared to the previous video. At least this one got some music for it.
Beautiful People vs. Roxxi/Taylor Wilde/The Governor
Yes, the Governor is the Sarah Palin character that Daffney played. What is up with TNA being all political? There are still three Beautiful People at this point: Angelina, Velvet and Madison. At least Wilde looks good here. Governor (in a pantsuit) vs. Velvet to start. The fans chant yes we can because the Orlando fans are rather annoying.
Off to Roxxi and then to Taylor. The non-beautiful ones are tagging in really fast here. Apparently Madison is just now an official member of the BP. Velvet locks in an Octopus Hold to Roxxi who escapes and kicks her in the face. Sign: Botchmania 71 = this match. Its pretty clear the fans arent that into this but thats to be expected.
Its one of those matches where stuff is happening but there isnt anything to talk about. Taylor is called the upset queen still despite that being like two years prior to this. Taylor comes in and cleans house as this is one of the least interesting matches Ive seen in years. Everything breaks down and the Governor dives over the top to the floor to take out everyone not named Madison on the other team. Madison gets caught in a bridging German by Wilde to end this.
Rating: D. What the hell was the point of this? You hear the term TV match a lot and this is the definition of one. Nothing at all about this match implies that it should be on a PPV in the slightest and yet here it is, opening the show. You can tell a lot about a PPV and how much effort is put into it by the opener and this one was awful. No one cared, nothing happened and it was short. Weak match indeed and Im not looking forward to the rest of this show at all now.
Lauren (my goodness she was gorgeous) is with Jarrett and Foley who are kind of at war with the Main Event Mafia. Jarrett says that the Mafia will wind up hating each other even more and the best man will win. Foley says hell see Kurt at ringside.
Its time for a Brutus Magnus open challenge. Theyre having a lot of issues with the sound as they keep missing the beginning of the intros. Magnus is British and yet is a gladiator. I dont recall there being gladiators in Great Britain but what do I know? Theres a guest ring announcer here who was in the Navy. His name is Jesse Neal and he has a full head of hair and sideburns. Again, what is up with the political stuff tonight?
Brutus Magnus vs. Eric Young
So yeah, Neal said nine words. Good thing he was here indeed. Magnus is undefeated here I think. He hammers away on Young to start and gets a jumping back elbow to take him down. The fans are of course behind Eric and he speeds things up to take him down with an armdrag. Ok apparently Magnus is on the British version of American Gladiators, properly enough titled British Gladiators. That explains the name, but when do you remember an American Gladiator that thought he was a Roman gladiator? Kind of odd but it makaes sense if you think about it from a wrestling viewpoint.
Brutus takes over again and the beating begins. Id assume itll continue until morale improves. Powerbomb connects but the top rope splash by Magnus that it sets up misses. Death Valley Driver, Youngs former/current finisher, gets two and the ending is already sealed by that with ease. Top rope elbow by Young gets two as well. Nice bridge by Young into a backslide gets two. Eric goes up top only to get crotched and end his momentum. Something resembling a TKO off the top rope ends this with Magnus getting the win.
Rating: D+. What the hell is up with the first twenty minutes of this show? Boring match here that again could and probably should have been on Impact. Magnus never really did anything for the most part as he was around and then dropped the whole Gladiator thing and became a generic British dude. Nothing here of note at all.
We run down the card to fill in some time. Tonight is the ending of the One Night With ODB thing. That means Cody Deaner. Oh dear.
Sheik Abdul Bashir comes out to talk despite this being time for the Match of 10,000 Tacks. Hes upset that hes not on the PPV tonight despite being here. Oh he wants a match and things its because a Muslim that he doesnt have one. Now lets talk about Obama. This is turning into a running joke now with all the politics. He complains about the soldier getting cheered and him getting booed and how thats not fair. Apparently hes a prisoner of the concentration camp that is America.
Jim Cornette, the current boss of TNA, comes in to yell at Cornette. Notice that Tenry points out that Cornette is a representative of TNA management. That took two seconds and anyone that may not be familiar with this show and now they know who Cornette is and what business he has here. See how easy that is? Cornette says that no one likes Bashir because he always runs his mouth. He throws Bashir out but has Neal lead the crowd in God Bless America to tick Bashir out. Well ignore that Bashir was born in Minnesota I guess. Total waste of 8 minutes.
Angle complains to the Mafia about some conspiracy and they say dont worry about it as theyll win. Booker looks like an idiot.
We recap Abyss vs. Morgan. They were partners until Morgan went insane and turned heel, challenging him to be in a Match of 10,000 tacks. Morgan had hit on Abyss girlfriend Lauren and had been a general dick. Nothing at all of note, as always.
Abyss vs. Matt Morgan
You win by throwing the other person into the tacks. What a novel concept indeed. Morgan jumps him to start and takes over. There is no sign of the tacks to start but I guess theyre coming later. Abyss chops him in the chest HARD and the crowd responds loudly. So much for the offense though as a clothesline puts him out on the floor.
Ah there are the tacks. Theyre on big tables/boards and not really held down at all. Abyss sets them up in front of the stage while Morgan is down, only to get sent into the railing. Morgan, ever the scholar, tries for the cover and is told that it doesnt work. I guess that wasnt part of his, ahem, blueprint for the match?
Ok wait now theres a pole with tacks in it? So you can put them in ANY set of tacks? Is this a tack scavenger hunt? Morgan gets in his face and talks some trash and escapes a chokeslam. We get the Umaga running ass to the head of Morgan in the corner. Theres another bag of tacks on another corner. You know Russo had SOMETHING to do with this. Abyss plays to the crowd and walks into a Carbon Footprint to take him down.
If it sounds like Im bored its because I am. This is a very boring match because they arent really teasing the tacks at all and are just having a match where they keep grabbing more and more tacks. Lot blow by Abyss and he throws Morgan into a chair wedged between the ropes. Abyss finally tries a powerbomb into the tacks but gets reversed. He has to settle for the Black Hole Slam not into the tacks instead.
Heres some glass to be put on top of the tacks. You know because we havent done this in awhile right? Morgan heads up the stage only to be caught in a chokeslam attempt. That of course doesnt happen and Morgan knocks him into the tacks off the stage to finally end this match which felt like it lasted about 8 hours instead of 8 minutes.
Rating: D. This was one of the least interesting matches I can remember in a long time because no one thought Abyss had a chance of winning it. Boring match as they spent like a minute of the match teasing going into the tacks and thats all there was to it. At least they let Abyss be in a weapons match as he was supposed to be.
Booker doesnt want to defend the title tonight. He doesnt know what duress or coercion means.
Video on the ODB thing where there was a contest with the winner getting a date with her. One is a guy in a suit, one is a redneck from Alabama who is named Cody Deaner and one is Shark Boy.
Now its time to select who won. Yes, this is going to take up PPV time as well. She brings a referee with her for some reason. Shes dressed up here and theres a drummer at ringside named Crusty. I give up. Apparently there are some women who applied also. First up is Deaner who is a trucker from the town Lynyrd Skynyrd is from. He has a criminal record it seems. Up second is Shark Boy. Third is a mortgage broker from New Mexico named Bernie Weber.
They have to answer questions. First up is why should you get the night with her. Itll be hot and steamy apparently. Deaner says he doesnt need the whole night and he can get her done (Larry the Cable Guy) in 60 minutes. Shark Boy says he can do it in 22-23 minutes and maybe even do it twice in that amount of time. Weber says he has money. Apparently Weber is actually the VP of marketing for TNA. Well he didnt look like a wrestler.
Second question is that ODB wants to know how they can move. Yep its a Dance-Off. According to Jeremy this is a regulation dance-off. Well thats good to know. JB calls the moves here. Apparently one is called the Octomom. Its terrible and gets booed out of the building. Sharkie (who has nothing on Shocky) does various wrestling taunts/signature stuff (Freebird walk, Spinarooni, Savage finger spin etc) which was kind of entertaining I guess. Deaner dedicates it to Dale Earnhardt and .uh I have no idea. The hair isnt the longest part on him apparently.
Question three is axed apparently as we go to a crowd vote. Shark Boy clearly wins this with Deaner coming in second. ODB looks them over and picks Deaner. They would be a bad comedy couple for a few months before Deaner tried to win the Knockouts Title. They would go on a date on Impact. This got 13:57. Let that sink in for a bit as the longest match is 14:10.
Beer Money, heels here, say theyre not worrying about retiring Team 3D. Theyve been doing something called the Off the Wagon Challenge, meaning titles vs. careers. Apparently only one Dudley would be gone. Storm wants respect.
We recap Sojournor Bolt vs. Kong. Bolt is new here and is just some chick that wrestles.
Knockouts Title: Sojournor Bolt vs. Awesome Kong
Bolt used to be in the Kongtourage, which more or less was Kongs stable of bodyguards. The fans are behind Kong here which is kind of odd. She never really was a face but shes not someone you can make into one with no one that could stand against her other than maybe the Beautiful People. Kong runs her over to start and puts on a swinging sleeper which is exactly what it sounds like.
Corner charge misses and Kong loses her control .for about 8 seconds. Chokeslam gets two. Middle rope splash misses and maybe now we can get something going here. Magistral cradle gets two for Bolt and its clear this isnt going to last long. Middle rope double axe cant take Kong down. A rana off the middle rope is caught and the Awesome Bomb ends this. Total and complete squash.
Rating: D-. Was there a point to this really? Bolt was supposed to be the new hope for the division to stop Kong and we got this? Anyway, Angelina would take the title in April at Lockdown. Theres nothing else to say here as Bolt looked like a total jobber the entire match here.
We recap Steiner vs. Joe. Joe was awesome when he got here and then stopped. He blamed politics and the Mafia for what happened to him and came back with a fucking machete (ignore the rubber part of it) to hold to Steiners throat. Steiner isnt mentioned in this until the very end.
Samoa Joe vs. Scott Steiner
Oh and Joe has that tattoo on his face now. This is that Nation of Violence thing and the point where Joes gut had its own zip code. Steiner might be busted 20 seconds into this as he channels his inner Flair. I guess thats what Flair taught him in the Magnificent Seven back in WCW. Steiner gets beaten to the floor where he finds a pipe which Joe pops him with to end it in less than two minutes. Uh, point to this? Joe would join the Mafia for money in June.
Post match Joe keeps up the beating and takes it into the crowd. We go to the back as I wonder why we didnt let this be part of the match. I think they leave the building and we lose the camera feed to a ton of booing.
AJ says that the Frontline cant fight the battles anymore and its up to the young guys.
We recap the AJ vs. Booker feud. AJ stole the physical belt from Booker so Booker went on this big police thing to get the belt back, apparently wanting 20 years in prison for AJ. The comedy from that was indeed rather good. Cornette said drop the charges or no match which Booker agreed to. Thank you for actually addressing some of the legal issues for a change.
Legends Title: AJ Styles vs. Booker T
The Legends Title would eventually evolve into the TV Title. Big reaction for AJ. Well its his house so that makes sense. The idea here is that Booker didnt know this was a title match coming in. What that actually adds to it Im not sure but theyre trying at least. They jockey for position to start us off until Booker grabs the arm. AJ does one of those athletic counters with a lot of flips and moves to get out.
The fans are split here as again the faces and heels are considered equals here. They seem like theyre a bit off base here but its not that bad. Big clothesline puts AJ down but Styles speeds it up and hits that perfect dropkick of his to send Booker to the floor. Forearm (still love that move) from the apron has Booker reeling. That gets two back in the ring and we go back to the back and forth stuff.
Booker gets a spin kick for two and throws on a key lock. AJ gets a Samoan Drop out of nowhere but Booker hangs on which is kind of impressive. That doesnt last much longer and AJ gets some momentum going with strikes and the forearm in the corner. Hammerlock into a belly to back for two.
The spinning sunset flip out of the corner by Booker is reversed into a Styles Clash attempt which doesnt work. Book End doesnt work but the side kick does, getting two. AJ grabs a full nelson of all things but changes to a German suplex for two. He tries the forearm again but jumps into a kick to take both guys down. Booker Spinaroonies up but the Axe Kick misses. Pele sets up the Styles Clash for the totally clean win. That came out of nowhere.
Rating: C+. Hard one to grade here. This was less than ten minutes and is somehow by a good amount the longest match of the night so far in the first hour and a half of this show. This was pretty good while it lasted but it needed another 3-4 minutes to really get to another leve. I dont get why they have so many short matches tonight though as its kind of stupid.
In the back, Joe has his machete and its all bloody. Lauren isnt sure what to do. Steiner is nowhere in sight but Joe says ask him if you want to know what happened. Joe is going to kill the rest of the Mafia. And apparently hell do it in some stylish pants.
We recap Beer Money vs. Team 3D in the Off the Wagon Challenge. Its career vs. titles here. Team 3D has some Japanese belts that no one cares about and the vast majority of the fans dont know about but they say they do to sound smart.
Tag Titles: Team 3D vs. Beer Money
The Off the Wagon thing has gotten rid of Lance Rock and Petey Williams so far. So its been a success. And lets confuse new fans by saying that the guys introduced as champions and holding belts are the challengers. The fans are behind 3D here as D-Von starts with Roode. West says if youre a wrestling fan youre a 3D fan. Not really but West never was that good with the whole intelligence thing.
Not much to start as I guess theyre feeling each other out here. D-Von takes it to the mat which doesnt last long. Theyre firmly in first gear here which isnt helping this already kind of bored crowd. The AJ win helped but the show has been so dull so far that its not going to take much to put them to sleep. Off to Ray now who somehow is a major heel two years after being old here.
Storm comes in, still in a t-shirt for some reason. Roode slaps Storms ass and the fans cheer for the Dudleys. Bubba does the switch hands during the test of strength spot. How hard can it be to just headbutt Bubba there? 3D double teams Storm with a double flapjack, which makes me wonder why Ray wouldnt just drop back a bit and hit the 3D right there. Whats Up is broken up as Roode shoves D-Von off the top.
They do the taunt and pop the crowd, which is stupid as theyre faces. Now they say Beer Money sucks. See what I mean about TNA having issues with defining faces and heels? Back when Team 3D would be heels they wouldnt do the GET THE TABLES stuff or various other bits that the fans loved because it would make the people cheer for them, which is bad. Little things like that can change the entire perception of a character.
Beer Money in control now with Storm bringing in Roode to beat on D-Von. But first, this double team. It might have been better if it hadnt been countered by a double clothesline from the darker skinned heir to the Dudley Construction Company fortune (a full $12). Beer Money does one of their oh snap we wound up in a sexual position moves before its Flip Flop and Fly for Storm.
Ray walks into a Blockbuster by Roode as the match breaks down a bit. Roode breaks up the back splash by Bubba and stops a small shift in the planets rotation. Rana by Storm sets up a splash by Roode for two. Bubba Bomb to Roode gets two. Storm spits beer in Roodes face by mistake but were on a shot of the crowd so its hard to see. The reverse 3D gets a very long two on Roode.
Storm grabs a chair and pops Bubba to break up 3D and draw the CHEAP DQ. They were getting up to watchable at that point also. Cue Cornette though who says were going to see a winner and a loser. Granted we already have a winner and a loser but I guess Jim doesnt like them that way. The match is restarted but its no DQ. 3D to Storm but Roode pulls the referee. He picks up Storm and they walk out for the count out. Wheres Cornette now? Did he step out to have a burrito? LOUD bullshit chant for that ending.
Rating: C+. The screwy finish was the absolute wrong call here as the fans were completely behind 3D. They would get the titles the next month in Philadelphia anyway so I dont see the point here at all. This should have been the title change here as the build was there and its not like the titles wouldnt change soon anyway. Bad ending too.
Theres a big deal made about Don West handing Beer Money the belts as they leave. Not sure what the big deal is but whatever.
Four of the five guys in Ultimate X say why theyll win. Sabin says because he has the most experience in Ultimate X. Shelley says hes been defending the title a lot lately but he also picks Sabin. Consequences Creed is nervous as hes not sure what to expect here. Hell do what he can though. Lethal does his Savage imitation again as he was stuck in that character for years.
Video on Ultimate X as we need to waste more time I guess. Lethal of course babbles about nothing in general. Basically the idea here is that Suicide is debuting and no one knows what to do about him.
X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Suicide
Shelley is champion and obviously this is Ultimate X. No signature Guns music yet but we do get the awesome Suicide song and entrance. Everyone jumps the masked dude to start us off to more or less get us down to a tag match. These teams were feuding at the time so it makes sense. The Guns control early and Shelley goes up with Sabin running interference, only to be taken down by Suicide.
Tajiri elbow by Lethal as the fans chant Fallen Angle for Daniels who must be playing Suicide tonight. Sabin takes down Creed and goes after the title, only to be stopped by Creed. I guess he didnt keep him down long enough. The crowd is surprisingly kind of quiet for this. Shelley moves out of the way of a Lethal dive. Suicide sets for a dive but gets kicked in the head by Shelley instead.
Suicide picks up Creed and puts him in a firemans carry so he can flip forward into the other four people in a cool spot. Lethal has to make the save and its back to the tag match. Sabin makes a diving save to stop Creed as the fans are getting into it now. Shelley misses a top rope splash to Creed and its Suicide trying again.
We get an INSANE looking Tower of Doom with Lethal on the bottom and Suicide on top. Being smart, Suicide hooks the cable so the other three fall while he hangs on. Lethal goes up after him and manages to powerbomb Suicide down so that all five guys are down now. Everything goes insane and everyone hits big spots, including a tornado DDT by Sabin to Lethal.
Shelley goes up but gets caught by Lethal. Lethal gets caught in a double powerbomb/Sliced Bread Tower of Doom move from the Guns which was cool. Suicide is caught in the truss as Creed gets a TKO on Shelly off the middle rope. Everyone not named Shelley is down so every one of them not named Suicide climbs a rope. As they kick at each other while hanging, Suicide climbs on top of the X and JUMPS TO THE MIDDLE, knocking everyone else down and grabbing the belt to win it. Awesome ending!
Rating: B. What else can you ask for from a match like this? Just have five young guys go out there and tear the house down with high spots and you have everything you need for the most part. The ending is still awesome and this is by far and away the best match on the show so far which I dont think surprises anyone really.
With a that was awesome chant in the background, Sting says that hell do whatever Angle wants and hell be bringing his A game.
We recap Sting vs. Angle. Angle runs the Mafia but Sting is the leader. Sting had been teasing a heel turn and no one cared for the most part. They had a big brawl in an empty arena which I remember thinking was ok. Jarrett complained about Sting having no integrity and Foley tried to get Sting to leave the Mafia.
TNA World Title: Sting vs. Kurt Angle
Sting is world champion here and Jarrett is referee with Foley as outside enforcer. They all get their own entrances to kill some time. Foley is executive shareholder here or something like that. Sting and Angle both get the long walk from the back as well as videos about them. Now we get big match intros including ones for the referees. GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!!!
FINALLY were ready to go and Angle stalls. Oh great. Thankfully it doesnt last long and were finally going. The fans are split here and Kurt works on the knee. That completely fails for him and Angle is sent to the floor. Theyre staying slow here with Kurt charging ahead and Sting just letting him make mistakes.
After a backdrop we head out into the crowd with Sting in control. Back in the ring and Angle gets a belly to back suplex. Since he didnt shift to the left a bit though it wasnt the Angle Slam. Angle gets some more suplexes including a belly to belly for two. We hit the chinlock as this hasnt been anything special at all so far.
They try cross bodies at the same time and both guys go down. They slug it out and Kurt falls down from something, as it seems like they had a miscue on that one. Stinger Splash and a suplex by the champion for two. Angle Slam is reversed and Sting busts out a powerbomb of all things for two. Scorpion Death Drop is reversed into the ankle lock which is countered as well.
Rolling Germans by Angle get two. Another Angle Slam is countered and Sting hammers away with his always unique striking. Angle Slam out of nowhere hits for two. Well of course it did as its really just a wear down move at this point anyway. The moonsault actually hits and its a decent one for a change. More Germans are reversed into the Death Drop for two.
Angle misses a clothesline and takes down Jarrett. Foley comes in to check on Jarrett as the Scorpion Death Lock goes on and Angle taps but theres no referee. Angle Slam gets two by the hand of Foley so Kurt kicks him in the balls. Keep in mind that Jarrett has been down for about a minute now off of a single clothesline. Its understandable when a referee does that, but Jeff Jarrett is an active wrestler in great shape and a former multi-time world champion. See why this is hard to buy?
Kurt hits the floor and grabs a chair which is taken away by Foley. Foley swings it at Angle which cracks Sting in the head. That would lead to a Foley heel turn soon. Angle Slam to Foley and the chair shot gets two. Jarrett looks like he got beaten down for 40 minutes as he signaled the shoulder was up and almost collapsed. Its been two minutes since the CLOTHESLINE that put him down. Angle spits on him and punches him. Jeff punches him back and Sting gets the Death Drop to retain.
Rating: C-. This was full of problems to say the least. First of all this never got anywhere near a level of epic as I think they were shooting for. The clothesline thing was just stupid. Why in the world would a clothesline keep an A-list guy down for two minutes? When does one keep a jobber down for that long? Anyway, just a pointless match here as nothing changes for the most part, as per usual with this show.
Angle yells at Jarrett to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. Wow this was boring. This is one of those shows that does not need to exist, plain and simple. Theres one very good match with the Ultimate X match and other than that theres nothing going on at all. The company would get a bit better in a few months but this was pretty brutal for awhile. Nothing went past ten minutes until the last three matches. See what I mean? Pointless show and a prime example of where you could cut a show and have nothing be missed.