klunderbunker
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Destination X 2008
Date: March 9, 2008
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Attendance: 3,200
Commentators: Don West, Mike Tenay
Destination X has a tendency to .how do I put this delicately .suck. This show just isnt very good more often than not. Based on the card, this is no exception. The main event is a 6 man tag with nothing special about it. Theres also a Fish Market Street Fight and a scaffold match. See what Im dealing with here? I need to get some of these TNA shows done though, so lets get to it.
Theres no line to cross yet.
The opening video is supposed to be all dramatic or something. Its more of TNA overdoing it. They need to get that less is more sometimes, which theyve improved on in the past few months.
Angle, Tomko and AJ get here and we argue about Karen a bit.
LAX vs. Motor City Machine Guns vs. Rock N Rave Infection
The winners are #1 contenders for Styles and Tomko. Christy Hemme isnt human. She cant be. Wow its weird to think that the Guns are the reigning tag champions as Im typing this. We hear about how theyve never won the belts. They wouldnt for over two years. Thats pretty damn sad. We keep hearing about should Earl Hebners vote be changed by Jim Cornette. Dont worry about what it was or anything.
Sabin and Homicide start. Damn the Guns are fun to watch. Hernandez gets a LONG suplex on Lance Hoyt (Vance Archer). This match is kind of a mess but not entirely. Hernandez does the Undertaker Dive which isnt as good as Takers but still looked good. Shelley takes two amigos and the third is him into a backbreaker from SuperMex.
LAX is dominating here and theyre likely the best team at this point so theyre getting that right. We then see why Rock and Rave never went anywhere as Rock hits the worst clothesline this side of Donald Trump to put Shelley down. A very slow moonsault misses though but no hot tag. Hernandez comes in again and cleans house with some not very good power moves. They crank things up again and with everyone on the floor, Rave takes the Border Toss to end it for LAX.
Rating: B-. PERFECT choice for the opener here. They were flying all over the place and things were definitely fun here. The fans are into it now and things are going very well. That being said, the rest of things are probably going to all be downhill from here as the rest of the card has a tendency to go downhill after the first match. This did a good job of not going insane with just big clusterfuckishness all over which is rare. This was good.
We get told about the controversy from Impact where Angle and Christian had a cage match where the winner gets the advantage in the main event tonight somehow but whatever. Angle clearly hits first and Hebner says its Christian winning instead, of course making Hebner the crooked referee AGAIN. Angle wants it changed and thats all there is to it.
Lethal has saved the X Division whatever that means. Hes got Petey Williams tonight who has Scott Steiner with him. They mess it up with the stupid bullet points by saying Lethal cares more about T & A than TNA because of So Cal Val. Thats just funny given the title picture in the Womens Division now.
X-Division Title: Jay Lethal vs. Petey Williams
Its still Black Machismo here. And now lets talk about Angle. Rhaka Khan interferes and Williams gets to take over. This isnt much to start us out on as theyre just kind of doing basic stuff. Williams is apparently very strong, despite not really using many power moves. He hits a slingshot into a Codebreaker which is nice. His cover is called the Petey Pin Attempt.
They speed things up and Lethal takes over. The problem here is apparent: Lethal is the face and Williams has the most awesome finisher in the world so theres a problem in picking a favorite here. A Dragon Suplex gets two. This is a fun match but theres just something thats not connecting on it. Williams goes Canadian by hooking a Sharpshooter.
Lethal hits the Lethal Combination and goes for the big elbow but Scott Steiner runs in for the shove off the top. Canadian Destroyer hits so Val pulls the leg of the referee. I want So Cal Val to pull my leg. Sonjay Dutt comes out to save her from Khan and Lethal rolls up Williams to retain. Theyre getting better: only four interferences there.
Rating: C. It was entertaining, but it just didnt click for me. The match just kind of came and went with nothing really special happening. There was nothing going on here from a storyline perspective and it just sort of was there. Its ok but at the same time theres nothing at all that Im going to remember or care about in about 10 minutes.
Were welcomed to the show 40 minutes into it and run down the rest of the card to fill in a few minutes which Im sure there are no promos to do the same thing with.
Joe, Christian and Nash, who are a team in the main event tonight, say theyre not worried about who gets the advantage. For the first time in the whole show were told that the advantage means that the team will have a 3-2 advantage for 5 minutes. Now was that so hard? I think if they win its Angle vs. Joe at Lockdown.
We see the monster Rellik (which is Killer spelled backwards) and Black Reign vs. Kaz and Eric Young. Eric is scared of monsters which is the set-up for this match. Yeah thats seriously the whole thing here. We actually get a segment of Kaz showing Eric pictures of Universal monsters and ensuring him that theyre not real. My head hurts. Kaz says theres an alter ego inside of Young. Oh I know where this is going.
Black Reign/Rellik vs. Eric Young/Kaz
Rellik is more commonly known as Johnny the Bull and Reign is Dustin Rhodes, aka Goldust. Young being scared of his pyro is still a little funny. Kaz and Rellik start us off since Young is scared. Young gets the BIG face pop to come in and face Reign. Reign is about as much of a Goldust ripoff as you could ask for. Ill give him this: as stupid of a gimmick/story as this is, Young is in there doing it pretty well as hes taking little baby steps like a single right hand leading to a smile and then another small move. And then Reign looks at him and he runs.
We get a cobra clutch from the right hand side on Kaz which looks very strange. I dont think Ive ever seen that before. Kaz fights back with some solid stuff and then Eric runs. Ah ok hes back. That was entirely pointless but this is a feud based on a grown man being afraid of Frankensteins Monster so there we go. Eric runs again, this time heading to the back.
Kaz gets that combination DDT and Stunner which Ive seen before but Im not sure if it was from him or not. And alas, there it is. We hear Superman ripoff music and heres Eric Young, dressed as a superhero and now known as Super Eric. I wish I was making this up, but yes, a grown man and former champion is dressing up like a superhero to deal with his fear of monsters. He does a double FU spot on these guys which isnt bad actually. That gets the pin. Allegedly it was a Death Valley Driver but considering their heads never hit the mat thats a stretch.
Rating: D+. Match was ok but at the same time the flat out dumb angle hurts it. I get the idea of overcoming his fears, but why in the world was this supposed to be a good idea? Were supposed to believe that a grown man who is a wrestler is afraid of the gimmicks (Kaz referred to them as actors playing characters) of other wrestlers? Really? Apparently so and thats where they went with this. Decent enough match though.
Team Angle argues with Cornette. Angle wants Cornette out and Matt Morgan of all people in. It ends with Cornette trying to leave while shouting I CANT HEAR YOU! He runs into the Dudleys who are heel here I guess and are pissed about being in a Fish Market Street Fight. This is making my headache worse.
We (thankfully) go to a video of Kong vs. Kim vs. ODB. Basically Kong is dominant and the other two have to team up to beat her. We point out that its a triple threat but one of the questions ask if ODB and Gail can work together to dethrone her. In other words, not only are we going against the theory of a triple threat but were saying neither of them can beat Kong on their own so if either win theyre just a paper champion because they cant beat Kong on their own. Nice one TNA.
Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong vs. ODB
Kong of course dominates to start as the faces double team her. Gail has a sweet ass. Yeah thats the kind of match its going to be. Gail dives on Kong and gets caught as its a handicap match disguised as a threeway. The faces fight for a bit to keep up the illusion but this is going nowhere. The Knockouts were AWESOME at this point but this just isnt doing much here.
ODB freaks out and spears the hell out of Gail for two. What was the appeal of ODB supposed to be? Kong goes for the spinning backfist but its blocked by Gail just putting her hands up. Seriously its that easy? This match needs to end now. Why do I have a feeling that means its going to go on for a good while longer? ODB takes a shot from the flask as does Gail. Dont bother taking the thirty seconds or so that this takes while Kong is just standing there to like, attack her or anything?
A double pin gets two on Kong and this just is dragging. We get it: they cant beat Kong. We dont need ten minutes to prove that. Kong hits a second rope splash on Kim for two. The Implant Buster on ODB doesnt get a cover as we just have to pad this show out even more than already. Thesz Press from the second rope gets two for the medium size chick. Awesome Bomb on ODB finally ends this.
Rating: D. This was just WAY too long. Like I mentioned earlier this just completely crushes everyone not named Kong and makes them look completely out of their league and unable to do anything here. The match was incredibly boring on top of that as it went well over ten minutes and just was more of the same over and over again.
We get a preview of Elevation X which is a scaffold match where the scaffold is in the shape of an X. Rhyno talks about how scary it is and how hes fallen a bunch and keeps getting up. This would be a lot better if at the end he didnt look to the side and ask how was that? Mistakes like those are what makes this show look low rent.
Cornette is in the ring and says the Dudleys have to make weight tonight (275lbs) or theyre terminated. They had lost a match where they had to win or they would have to join the X-Division, which is where the weight limit came in. Pay no attention to the whole tagline of ITS NOT ABOUT WEIGHT LIMITS for this.
He goes on to talk about Angle and the whole controversy and Angle is right. But Cornette says he isnt turning over 100 years of tradition and reversing a referees decision. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This guy was in the NWA during DUSTY RHODES TIME AS BOOKER and he says the tradition is to never turn over a referees decision??? Instead he asks the fans, which is never done, thereby setting a precedent anyway. The fans dont actually say anything but the decision stands.
And now we have a Fish Market Street Fight. Curry Man (Daniels in a mask) and his partner Stone Cold Shark Boy said either the Dudleys have to stay under weight or theyre gone. This led to a bunch of fat jokes and Dudleys being mad over not being able to eat.
Fish Market Street Fight: Team 3D vs. Shark Boy/Curry Man
West and Curry Man dance before this starts. This was when Shark Boy was a parody of Stone Cold, drinking clam juice, talking about how thats the fishing line, giving him a shell yeah and having Austinesque theme music. It was awful in case you couldnt get that. Bubba yells a lot and D-Von weighs in at .some undisclosed weight under 275lbs. Bubba allegedly makes it too, thereby ending this idiotic angle.
And now Devine, the X-Division traitor, hands them candy and they eat but get jumped. This is a glorified hardcore match but with comedy added to it. The Dudleys get run off early on and try to leave. I dont like where this is going. There are big crated of frozen fish around the aisle. See what Im dealing with here? Yes, theyre beating each other with frozen fish. Mike gets the HOLY MACKERAL line in.
Curry Man puts a Ding Dong on a fishing pole and goes Ray hunting. Oh of course it works. This is making my soul ache. Honestly, who thought this was a marketable idea? Who thought someone would want to see this? Ray throws fish into the crowd and the announcers say this was expected. Uh, why? Ray bites a fish as I would be so embarrassed if someone knew I was watching this.
We get some actual wrestling just so we can be told there was wrestling in this. Whats Up on Curry Man with a fish. Its returned by Shark Boy and this is awful. Oh but hey, according to Meltzer, the triple threat at Survivor Series was worse. Yeah keep telling yourself that buddy. Stereo X-Factors and Tornado DDTs on the heels get two. Shark Boy kicks out of a Doomsday Device. Bubba gets blinded by powder and accidently hits 3D on D-Von to end it. The Dudleys get into it with some guy from Survivor that no one cares about.
Rating: F-. Im not even going to bother explaining why a match involving beating on each other with fish is a failure.
The Angle Alliance argues about who goes out last for their team. Angle and AJ fight over Karen. AJ would accidently marry Karen later on. Yeah.
We recap Booker vs. Roode. Booker debuted in like November and this is his first feud still. We have a strap match later where the theme is Stand By Your Man. Traci Brooks had been with Roode and he fired her for something so shes hanging with Booker here.
Booker T vs. Robert Roode
The winners girl gets to strap the other. So just to be clear, the straps arent going to play a role in the actual match. The entrance looks like an old Nitro one. Oh ok they actually will be strapped together. Thankfully this is pin or submission. Roode of course wont hook up and I just want this show to end as fast as possible at this point. They use the strap a bit but its more about wrestling. Ok at least that didnt last long.
The fans are pretty split here. The girls fight a bit on the floor and Ms. Banks has handcuffs. Roode gets them and pops Booker with them for the pin. There was some more stuff in there but thats really all there was going on that meant a damn thing. Banks straps Brooks ten times while Roode looks at her.
This has to be some weird fetish thing or other. She keeps whipping her afterwards but Traci gets her own strap. Roode saves her and Sharmell, the girl that started all this, runs in and beats everyone with the strap. Booker never comes back during this whole thing. Cornette comes down and gets strapped too.
Rating: D+. This wasnt bad but the match needed to be longer and the angle shorter to make this work. It just wasnt that interesting though and it never went anywhere. The strap was at least used. The FIRE RUSSO chant sums things up pretty well though: more overkill than a match between two guys that can work.
The airhead interviewer asks Storm what he thinks about losing. Jackie is worried too. This is another feud that went on forever and never ended. Storm is sober too.
We hear about how awesome Elevation X is from people that havent been in it before. Damn this show has had a LOT of filler.
Elevation X: Rhyno vs. James Storm
Beer Money would be coming soon enough to end this feud. Considering we have two matches left and 35 minutes or so on the show, I have a bad feeling about this. Rhyno slips climbing up as you can already see how damn stupid this is. Storm goes down as Rhyno comes up. Rhyno throws beers that Storm had on top of the X with him at Storm.
Were fighting on the floor now in a scaffold match. A table is set up by the former world champion and I already hate this match. This is a GREAT scaffold match guys. Them being a full FOUR FEET off the ground is great here. Jackie gets chased by Rhyno and of course climbs the scaffold. She goes down and we start the match only 7 minutes after the bell rings.
We keep looking to the crowd to see the fans all concerned despite them crawling or sitting on the X. Rhyno almost falls but lands on another part of the X. This is just them hanging on and punching each other. The fans WANT WRESTLING. The X is covered by red wood and has metal bars under that. Storm hides on the bars so Rhyno cant see Storm. This is like some bad action movie minus the action.
Rhyno rips the wood up and grabs Storm to get him out. This is beyond description of awfulness. Storm hangs from underneath and gets kicked into a perfectly placed table to end this monstrosity.
Rating: F-. As the fans said, WE WANT WRESTLING. This of course was the longest match of the night and by far the worst. They show the fall again and you see that it would be like the height Jeff gets on a Swanton Bomb. At least its over.
We recap the main event which is just a six man tag for something to do with Lockdown.
AJ Styles/Tomko/Kurt Angle vs. Christian/Samoa Joe/Kevin Nash
AJ is a prince or something and is a blithering idiot. Angle is gone for five minutes to start. Were just waiting around for Lockdown so that Joe can FINALLY win the world title from Angle like he should have done like a year ago. In essence this is one big commercial for Lockdown rather than an actual main event.
The heels hide to start as they kill the clock as much as they can. Oh and Tomko and AJ are tag champions here. AJ and Christian start but are in there like a second. So the first five minutes mean nothing at all here. The match doesnt either actually as Joe has the title shot no matter what. Tomko gets beaten down, AJ saves, Christian gets beaten down, AJ gets beaten down, theres a minute left before Angle, and I think you can tell how enthusiastic I was here.
AJ busts out Spiral Tap and then walks into a chokeslam from Nash. Joe waits on Angle in the aisle and Angle is all scared. And its on. Well that fear was pretty pointless. They would wind up having more or less a mixed martial arts match at the PPV which was kind of weird. Ok so NOW we have a regular six man.
Christian plays face in peril to get us through this idiocy. Im very irritated by this show as we had nearly half an hour dedicated to a scaffold match and a match involving fish. Now this is the main event for no apparent reason because TNA wasnt ready to do monthly PPVs at this point so they have a 3 hour commercial for Lockdown that belongs on Impact.
Jackknife to Angle doesnt get a cover. Joe comes in and cleans house but the Muscle Buster on AJ is blocked. The faces just turn it on and the Coquina Clutch ends Tomko and this match.
Rating: D. Well the whole five minutes thing meant nothing at all as Joe just wound up killing Tomko at the end. Was this supposed to hype up the PPV that they already had set up? You would think Christian/Nash vs. Tomko/AJ wouldnt you? Yeah well you would be an idiot. They were on the Lethal Lockdown teams but thats about it. This was a completely uninteresting match to end an AWFUL show.
Overall Rating: F. This was just HORRIBLE. I knew this show was going to be bad but DAMN. We had a 13 minute match about fish and a 13 minute scaffold match where maybe half the time they were on the damn scaffold. This was a very bad time for TNA as they had nothing but Angle vs. Joe and they knew it. This show was terrible and by far and away the worst TNA show Ive done yet. Absolutely terrible.
Date: March 9, 2008
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Attendance: 3,200
Commentators: Don West, Mike Tenay
Destination X has a tendency to .how do I put this delicately .suck. This show just isnt very good more often than not. Based on the card, this is no exception. The main event is a 6 man tag with nothing special about it. Theres also a Fish Market Street Fight and a scaffold match. See what Im dealing with here? I need to get some of these TNA shows done though, so lets get to it.
Theres no line to cross yet.
The opening video is supposed to be all dramatic or something. Its more of TNA overdoing it. They need to get that less is more sometimes, which theyve improved on in the past few months.
Angle, Tomko and AJ get here and we argue about Karen a bit.
LAX vs. Motor City Machine Guns vs. Rock N Rave Infection
The winners are #1 contenders for Styles and Tomko. Christy Hemme isnt human. She cant be. Wow its weird to think that the Guns are the reigning tag champions as Im typing this. We hear about how theyve never won the belts. They wouldnt for over two years. Thats pretty damn sad. We keep hearing about should Earl Hebners vote be changed by Jim Cornette. Dont worry about what it was or anything.
Sabin and Homicide start. Damn the Guns are fun to watch. Hernandez gets a LONG suplex on Lance Hoyt (Vance Archer). This match is kind of a mess but not entirely. Hernandez does the Undertaker Dive which isnt as good as Takers but still looked good. Shelley takes two amigos and the third is him into a backbreaker from SuperMex.
LAX is dominating here and theyre likely the best team at this point so theyre getting that right. We then see why Rock and Rave never went anywhere as Rock hits the worst clothesline this side of Donald Trump to put Shelley down. A very slow moonsault misses though but no hot tag. Hernandez comes in again and cleans house with some not very good power moves. They crank things up again and with everyone on the floor, Rave takes the Border Toss to end it for LAX.
Rating: B-. PERFECT choice for the opener here. They were flying all over the place and things were definitely fun here. The fans are into it now and things are going very well. That being said, the rest of things are probably going to all be downhill from here as the rest of the card has a tendency to go downhill after the first match. This did a good job of not going insane with just big clusterfuckishness all over which is rare. This was good.
We get told about the controversy from Impact where Angle and Christian had a cage match where the winner gets the advantage in the main event tonight somehow but whatever. Angle clearly hits first and Hebner says its Christian winning instead, of course making Hebner the crooked referee AGAIN. Angle wants it changed and thats all there is to it.
Lethal has saved the X Division whatever that means. Hes got Petey Williams tonight who has Scott Steiner with him. They mess it up with the stupid bullet points by saying Lethal cares more about T & A than TNA because of So Cal Val. Thats just funny given the title picture in the Womens Division now.
X-Division Title: Jay Lethal vs. Petey Williams
Its still Black Machismo here. And now lets talk about Angle. Rhaka Khan interferes and Williams gets to take over. This isnt much to start us out on as theyre just kind of doing basic stuff. Williams is apparently very strong, despite not really using many power moves. He hits a slingshot into a Codebreaker which is nice. His cover is called the Petey Pin Attempt.
They speed things up and Lethal takes over. The problem here is apparent: Lethal is the face and Williams has the most awesome finisher in the world so theres a problem in picking a favorite here. A Dragon Suplex gets two. This is a fun match but theres just something thats not connecting on it. Williams goes Canadian by hooking a Sharpshooter.
Lethal hits the Lethal Combination and goes for the big elbow but Scott Steiner runs in for the shove off the top. Canadian Destroyer hits so Val pulls the leg of the referee. I want So Cal Val to pull my leg. Sonjay Dutt comes out to save her from Khan and Lethal rolls up Williams to retain. Theyre getting better: only four interferences there.
Rating: C. It was entertaining, but it just didnt click for me. The match just kind of came and went with nothing really special happening. There was nothing going on here from a storyline perspective and it just sort of was there. Its ok but at the same time theres nothing at all that Im going to remember or care about in about 10 minutes.
Were welcomed to the show 40 minutes into it and run down the rest of the card to fill in a few minutes which Im sure there are no promos to do the same thing with.
Joe, Christian and Nash, who are a team in the main event tonight, say theyre not worried about who gets the advantage. For the first time in the whole show were told that the advantage means that the team will have a 3-2 advantage for 5 minutes. Now was that so hard? I think if they win its Angle vs. Joe at Lockdown.
We see the monster Rellik (which is Killer spelled backwards) and Black Reign vs. Kaz and Eric Young. Eric is scared of monsters which is the set-up for this match. Yeah thats seriously the whole thing here. We actually get a segment of Kaz showing Eric pictures of Universal monsters and ensuring him that theyre not real. My head hurts. Kaz says theres an alter ego inside of Young. Oh I know where this is going.
Black Reign/Rellik vs. Eric Young/Kaz
Rellik is more commonly known as Johnny the Bull and Reign is Dustin Rhodes, aka Goldust. Young being scared of his pyro is still a little funny. Kaz and Rellik start us off since Young is scared. Young gets the BIG face pop to come in and face Reign. Reign is about as much of a Goldust ripoff as you could ask for. Ill give him this: as stupid of a gimmick/story as this is, Young is in there doing it pretty well as hes taking little baby steps like a single right hand leading to a smile and then another small move. And then Reign looks at him and he runs.
We get a cobra clutch from the right hand side on Kaz which looks very strange. I dont think Ive ever seen that before. Kaz fights back with some solid stuff and then Eric runs. Ah ok hes back. That was entirely pointless but this is a feud based on a grown man being afraid of Frankensteins Monster so there we go. Eric runs again, this time heading to the back.
Kaz gets that combination DDT and Stunner which Ive seen before but Im not sure if it was from him or not. And alas, there it is. We hear Superman ripoff music and heres Eric Young, dressed as a superhero and now known as Super Eric. I wish I was making this up, but yes, a grown man and former champion is dressing up like a superhero to deal with his fear of monsters. He does a double FU spot on these guys which isnt bad actually. That gets the pin. Allegedly it was a Death Valley Driver but considering their heads never hit the mat thats a stretch.
Rating: D+. Match was ok but at the same time the flat out dumb angle hurts it. I get the idea of overcoming his fears, but why in the world was this supposed to be a good idea? Were supposed to believe that a grown man who is a wrestler is afraid of the gimmicks (Kaz referred to them as actors playing characters) of other wrestlers? Really? Apparently so and thats where they went with this. Decent enough match though.
Team Angle argues with Cornette. Angle wants Cornette out and Matt Morgan of all people in. It ends with Cornette trying to leave while shouting I CANT HEAR YOU! He runs into the Dudleys who are heel here I guess and are pissed about being in a Fish Market Street Fight. This is making my headache worse.
We (thankfully) go to a video of Kong vs. Kim vs. ODB. Basically Kong is dominant and the other two have to team up to beat her. We point out that its a triple threat but one of the questions ask if ODB and Gail can work together to dethrone her. In other words, not only are we going against the theory of a triple threat but were saying neither of them can beat Kong on their own so if either win theyre just a paper champion because they cant beat Kong on their own. Nice one TNA.
Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong vs. ODB
Kong of course dominates to start as the faces double team her. Gail has a sweet ass. Yeah thats the kind of match its going to be. Gail dives on Kong and gets caught as its a handicap match disguised as a threeway. The faces fight for a bit to keep up the illusion but this is going nowhere. The Knockouts were AWESOME at this point but this just isnt doing much here.
ODB freaks out and spears the hell out of Gail for two. What was the appeal of ODB supposed to be? Kong goes for the spinning backfist but its blocked by Gail just putting her hands up. Seriously its that easy? This match needs to end now. Why do I have a feeling that means its going to go on for a good while longer? ODB takes a shot from the flask as does Gail. Dont bother taking the thirty seconds or so that this takes while Kong is just standing there to like, attack her or anything?
A double pin gets two on Kong and this just is dragging. We get it: they cant beat Kong. We dont need ten minutes to prove that. Kong hits a second rope splash on Kim for two. The Implant Buster on ODB doesnt get a cover as we just have to pad this show out even more than already. Thesz Press from the second rope gets two for the medium size chick. Awesome Bomb on ODB finally ends this.
Rating: D. This was just WAY too long. Like I mentioned earlier this just completely crushes everyone not named Kong and makes them look completely out of their league and unable to do anything here. The match was incredibly boring on top of that as it went well over ten minutes and just was more of the same over and over again.
We get a preview of Elevation X which is a scaffold match where the scaffold is in the shape of an X. Rhyno talks about how scary it is and how hes fallen a bunch and keeps getting up. This would be a lot better if at the end he didnt look to the side and ask how was that? Mistakes like those are what makes this show look low rent.
Cornette is in the ring and says the Dudleys have to make weight tonight (275lbs) or theyre terminated. They had lost a match where they had to win or they would have to join the X-Division, which is where the weight limit came in. Pay no attention to the whole tagline of ITS NOT ABOUT WEIGHT LIMITS for this.
He goes on to talk about Angle and the whole controversy and Angle is right. But Cornette says he isnt turning over 100 years of tradition and reversing a referees decision. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This guy was in the NWA during DUSTY RHODES TIME AS BOOKER and he says the tradition is to never turn over a referees decision??? Instead he asks the fans, which is never done, thereby setting a precedent anyway. The fans dont actually say anything but the decision stands.
And now we have a Fish Market Street Fight. Curry Man (Daniels in a mask) and his partner Stone Cold Shark Boy said either the Dudleys have to stay under weight or theyre gone. This led to a bunch of fat jokes and Dudleys being mad over not being able to eat.
Fish Market Street Fight: Team 3D vs. Shark Boy/Curry Man
West and Curry Man dance before this starts. This was when Shark Boy was a parody of Stone Cold, drinking clam juice, talking about how thats the fishing line, giving him a shell yeah and having Austinesque theme music. It was awful in case you couldnt get that. Bubba yells a lot and D-Von weighs in at .some undisclosed weight under 275lbs. Bubba allegedly makes it too, thereby ending this idiotic angle.
And now Devine, the X-Division traitor, hands them candy and they eat but get jumped. This is a glorified hardcore match but with comedy added to it. The Dudleys get run off early on and try to leave. I dont like where this is going. There are big crated of frozen fish around the aisle. See what Im dealing with here? Yes, theyre beating each other with frozen fish. Mike gets the HOLY MACKERAL line in.
Curry Man puts a Ding Dong on a fishing pole and goes Ray hunting. Oh of course it works. This is making my soul ache. Honestly, who thought this was a marketable idea? Who thought someone would want to see this? Ray throws fish into the crowd and the announcers say this was expected. Uh, why? Ray bites a fish as I would be so embarrassed if someone knew I was watching this.
We get some actual wrestling just so we can be told there was wrestling in this. Whats Up on Curry Man with a fish. Its returned by Shark Boy and this is awful. Oh but hey, according to Meltzer, the triple threat at Survivor Series was worse. Yeah keep telling yourself that buddy. Stereo X-Factors and Tornado DDTs on the heels get two. Shark Boy kicks out of a Doomsday Device. Bubba gets blinded by powder and accidently hits 3D on D-Von to end it. The Dudleys get into it with some guy from Survivor that no one cares about.
Rating: F-. Im not even going to bother explaining why a match involving beating on each other with fish is a failure.
The Angle Alliance argues about who goes out last for their team. Angle and AJ fight over Karen. AJ would accidently marry Karen later on. Yeah.
We recap Booker vs. Roode. Booker debuted in like November and this is his first feud still. We have a strap match later where the theme is Stand By Your Man. Traci Brooks had been with Roode and he fired her for something so shes hanging with Booker here.
Booker T vs. Robert Roode
The winners girl gets to strap the other. So just to be clear, the straps arent going to play a role in the actual match. The entrance looks like an old Nitro one. Oh ok they actually will be strapped together. Thankfully this is pin or submission. Roode of course wont hook up and I just want this show to end as fast as possible at this point. They use the strap a bit but its more about wrestling. Ok at least that didnt last long.
The fans are pretty split here. The girls fight a bit on the floor and Ms. Banks has handcuffs. Roode gets them and pops Booker with them for the pin. There was some more stuff in there but thats really all there was going on that meant a damn thing. Banks straps Brooks ten times while Roode looks at her.
This has to be some weird fetish thing or other. She keeps whipping her afterwards but Traci gets her own strap. Roode saves her and Sharmell, the girl that started all this, runs in and beats everyone with the strap. Booker never comes back during this whole thing. Cornette comes down and gets strapped too.
Rating: D+. This wasnt bad but the match needed to be longer and the angle shorter to make this work. It just wasnt that interesting though and it never went anywhere. The strap was at least used. The FIRE RUSSO chant sums things up pretty well though: more overkill than a match between two guys that can work.
The airhead interviewer asks Storm what he thinks about losing. Jackie is worried too. This is another feud that went on forever and never ended. Storm is sober too.
We hear about how awesome Elevation X is from people that havent been in it before. Damn this show has had a LOT of filler.
Elevation X: Rhyno vs. James Storm
Beer Money would be coming soon enough to end this feud. Considering we have two matches left and 35 minutes or so on the show, I have a bad feeling about this. Rhyno slips climbing up as you can already see how damn stupid this is. Storm goes down as Rhyno comes up. Rhyno throws beers that Storm had on top of the X with him at Storm.
Were fighting on the floor now in a scaffold match. A table is set up by the former world champion and I already hate this match. This is a GREAT scaffold match guys. Them being a full FOUR FEET off the ground is great here. Jackie gets chased by Rhyno and of course climbs the scaffold. She goes down and we start the match only 7 minutes after the bell rings.
We keep looking to the crowd to see the fans all concerned despite them crawling or sitting on the X. Rhyno almost falls but lands on another part of the X. This is just them hanging on and punching each other. The fans WANT WRESTLING. The X is covered by red wood and has metal bars under that. Storm hides on the bars so Rhyno cant see Storm. This is like some bad action movie minus the action.
Rhyno rips the wood up and grabs Storm to get him out. This is beyond description of awfulness. Storm hangs from underneath and gets kicked into a perfectly placed table to end this monstrosity.
Rating: F-. As the fans said, WE WANT WRESTLING. This of course was the longest match of the night and by far the worst. They show the fall again and you see that it would be like the height Jeff gets on a Swanton Bomb. At least its over.
We recap the main event which is just a six man tag for something to do with Lockdown.
AJ Styles/Tomko/Kurt Angle vs. Christian/Samoa Joe/Kevin Nash
AJ is a prince or something and is a blithering idiot. Angle is gone for five minutes to start. Were just waiting around for Lockdown so that Joe can FINALLY win the world title from Angle like he should have done like a year ago. In essence this is one big commercial for Lockdown rather than an actual main event.
The heels hide to start as they kill the clock as much as they can. Oh and Tomko and AJ are tag champions here. AJ and Christian start but are in there like a second. So the first five minutes mean nothing at all here. The match doesnt either actually as Joe has the title shot no matter what. Tomko gets beaten down, AJ saves, Christian gets beaten down, AJ gets beaten down, theres a minute left before Angle, and I think you can tell how enthusiastic I was here.
AJ busts out Spiral Tap and then walks into a chokeslam from Nash. Joe waits on Angle in the aisle and Angle is all scared. And its on. Well that fear was pretty pointless. They would wind up having more or less a mixed martial arts match at the PPV which was kind of weird. Ok so NOW we have a regular six man.
Christian plays face in peril to get us through this idiocy. Im very irritated by this show as we had nearly half an hour dedicated to a scaffold match and a match involving fish. Now this is the main event for no apparent reason because TNA wasnt ready to do monthly PPVs at this point so they have a 3 hour commercial for Lockdown that belongs on Impact.
Jackknife to Angle doesnt get a cover. Joe comes in and cleans house but the Muscle Buster on AJ is blocked. The faces just turn it on and the Coquina Clutch ends Tomko and this match.
Rating: D. Well the whole five minutes thing meant nothing at all as Joe just wound up killing Tomko at the end. Was this supposed to hype up the PPV that they already had set up? You would think Christian/Nash vs. Tomko/AJ wouldnt you? Yeah well you would be an idiot. They were on the Lethal Lockdown teams but thats about it. This was a completely uninteresting match to end an AWFUL show.
Overall Rating: F. This was just HORRIBLE. I knew this show was going to be bad but DAMN. We had a 13 minute match about fish and a 13 minute scaffold match where maybe half the time they were on the damn scaffold. This was a very bad time for TNA as they had nothing but Angle vs. Joe and they knew it. This show was terrible and by far and away the worst TNA show Ive done yet. Absolutely terrible.