CraigsList Missed Connections

[Turd Ferguson]

One of my buddies tonight said the "Missed Encounters" section of Craigslist was a barrel of laughs.

I decided to check it out and holy shit did it not disappoint.

Go to your city's Craigslist and share the funniest ones you find.

Still looking for you! A little under 5 months before baby arrives. Just want you to be part of it with my husband and I if you want. I would hate for you to miss being part of your babies life just because I cant find you so if you read this or someone knows him please reply. I'm truly not looking for anything from you. If you do reply please describe yourself so I know it's you. Hopefully someone can connect us.I know he uses Craigslist but doubt he ever looks in this section but you never know. I have thought of calling every Craig Robinson in the phone book but in case he is married or has a girlfriend I dont want to cause any trouble with her. I am losing hope!

You were driving a white work truck that must have had something really heavy in the back. I was in my work mini van. You were behind me. I though you were cute. You beeped at me when I pulled into a clients house. Email me with the type of business my van was for.

I helped you today. Processed a transaction for you. You are well balanced... Blonde and beautiful....tell me what i did for you? and what do you think of me? you can catch me their again! your name begins with a B!

if this is you, respond with a clue that i will understand...where and what did i do for you?

You go to tufts, you are cute, fit, and have the cutest feet and toes. You also like them rubbed, massaged and sucked on. I'll do it, and leave you a gift every time we get together. is this you? what size shoes?

 

[Remy LaCroix]

Always found it to be pretty creepy.

You are a HOT black guy working at the HEB and were stocking meat today about 3:00 or so. I walked by and we checked each other out a few times and you got me thinking about giving you a long, hot, slow blow job.

Ya check daily for something from me, yet I try to reach out to you and what do you do? You shun me away. I won't chase forever.

you: young gorgeous cashier with beautiful multi-colored blonde hair working at McDonalds on 45 at 2920.
me: in black shorts, shades, and a cap.

you looked at me a couple times while i waited on my order and hid behind my dark glasses...and i had one odd order indeed. were you looking at my tattoos, or the grey in my beard?
tell me what my order was and i'll come order you next time!

I borrowed two lights from you and should have taped them together like you suggested. What I really wanted to do is throw you into my truck and have my way with you then drive off into the sunset. But you had to get back to work and so did I. Boo work.

If you ever see this you seriously made me think about ways to keep you going out instead of staying in. You're smart, funny, and completely hot for a 29 year old in her 40's. I'd tape my cigs together for you any time.

WHEN: Between 6 - 7PM, Wednesday, October 10
YOU: Black jeans, grey shirt, goatee, lean build, mid-thirties
ME: Jeans, maroon shirt, goatee

I noticed you much earlier in the store and found you quite attractive. We bumped into each other near the deli section. You asked if I had seen any hard salami. In my awkwardness, I tried to answer instead of making a joke. This is a shot-in-the-dark but I'd enjoy chatting with you sometime, if only to prove I'm not always so awkward!

We saw each other at the video store on hwy 6 near briarforest after work on Wednesday around 5:30pm ish. We go to the same gym, I guess you freaked out when you saw me there, cause you took off pretty quick. I wish you would have stuck around to have some fun with me. If you want to hook up sometime, hit me up. I'm 100% discreet and ddf. If you see this and respond, put the name of the gym we go to in your reply and the company you work for. I hope to hear from you soon, I've seen your huge cock in the locker room and would love to worship it...totally NSA!

And way too fucking desperate.

 

[Nate DaMac]

I came.

 

[Ty Burna]

Holy shit I can't believe some of these:

You just became my mother in law over the weekend and I've always found you attractive. Send me your first name if you feel the same way.

 

[Tiger Chaos Theory]

The people that type these in earnest are breaking my heart.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

No depressing posts in this thread only funny ones thanks

Congrats. You have passed the test. You are weak. It's so easy to live your life with no responsibilities. So sad. Let this be said. You fooled me for for a while. I admit I was taken in by your exterior. But, I knew deep in my soul that you were not whole. Shame on you. Shame on you for your weakness. Shame on you for your self-serving egotistical mania. You are a fool. Your will remain a fool for the rest of your life. You will live in your own egotisitical mirage of who you are. Your only salvation is realization. I pity you. I pity your inability to rise above. We are who we choose to be. We live the life we choose. You chose addiction. I chose life. You lose. I win. Keep rolling the dice. You will never win. May you melt off the earth like snow off the ditch.

Hello golden haired maven,

So sorry to have missed you this afternoon at the coffee house. I would have loved to dunk' doughnuts with you. I loved your braided and beaded locks and the way you filled the whole room with the smell of pumpkin spice.

Until we meet again..

Your Davis Square Admirerer

You had dreads that were black with red. You were a big beautiful woman. You caught my attention. You were reading a graphic novel. Had a cute face and glasses. I wanted to say hi. I can't get you off my mind.

I WAS AT SAL ARMY IN HAVERHILL , SAT. AFTERNOON , LOOKING AROUND AND SAW YOU LOOKING AT SOME FURNITURE TOO !!!! ,,,, YOU HAD ON A TAN SWEATER , AND SOME NICE HIGH BLACK BOOTS , AND THEN LATER ON AS I WAS PASSING BY !!! I SAW YOU AT A SECOND HAND STORE ACROSS THE STREET FROM SAL ARMY , I WAS THE BLACK MAN , WITH THE BLUE COAT AND WHITE HAT !!!!! JUST WANT TO SAY !!! I LIKED THE WAY YOU LOOKED !!! I THOUGHT YOU LOOKED GREAT !!!!!!

you and I, eye to eye across our friends -- I just had to cop a feel of your ass on the way out. and we both liked it

get back at me, mr. sexy

 

[Unsold Bacon]

We showered at the same time today at lunch. Pretty sure you saw me admiring your cock. Got dressed next to each other.

If your interested, let me know what your into

We where at the Timmies on lake st. I walked in behind you and your bf I was the supper tall guy. You had a tattoo on your back I belive of a butterfly. I couldnt help but check out your ass. I know you have a bf and all but I still you where pretty fine. If anybody knows her. Please tell her that I am looking for her

This is fun.

 

[The 1-2-3 Killam]

.

I may not be the tidiest person on the planet, but you can't expect me to go around trying to clean up your messes & trying with every orthopedically-ailing bone in my body to rescue any victims who just might have gotten to a temporarily safe spot. Burn that steam off riding your bicycle - a tandem, perhaps? Or, I can think of some other activities

So we hooked up in the tube bathroom a while back. We peed in the bathroom at the same time. As Ipassed you again you asked to suck my dick, which turned into ua fucking and you saying "just your friendly neighborhood dyke.".
Wanting to rexonnect

My boyfriend was out skateboarding earlier tonight, and you hit him with your car and drove away. He had to CRAWL 10 blocks home and is severely injured, thanks to you. I wouldn't be surprised if you were drunk. You should be ashamed of yourself. Having a car comes with great responsibility, and you're obviously not responsible enough to have a car. Thank you for driving away! Karma is out to get you, asshole!

Alright, what the hell do I call it already? Underwear? Undies? Panties? Unmentionables? What?!?!

 

[JGlass]

No depressing posts in this thread only funny ones thanks

I was about to get all excited when I saw Davis Square. I was like, "Holy crap! Of all the places in this country Guy Compton picked one right near me!" Than I remember you also live in/around Boston and these things are sorted locally.

Sometimes I like to fantasize about what would happen if someone answered one of these things and met the person, but they weren't the person they were looking for. I also wonder what type of person is crazy enough to do this. I imagine it's a lot of stupid people that believe in love at first sight and people who just want to get laid. I don't think it's desperation so much as it's a tool for people who are uncomfortable with being aggressively sexual.

 

[red ass skull muhfukkah]

These things remind me of Steve Buscemi in Ghost World, that's what I picture all the dudes look like.