Coco's Journal of Ways Shawn Michaels Has Personally Wronged Him

[Coco]

Entry 1 -- An Eye For An Eye No Particular Reason​

I wasn't able to make my way up to Montreal in September 2009 to see Breaking Point. Nor do I imagine I would have. It should be no surprise to anyone that WWE only tried Breaking Point once. A submission theme PPV just doesn't sound very appealing. But I've made a friend in the time since then who did attend Breaking Point. Ever since that night, he'd had a glass eye because a stray glow-stick thrown into the audience by Shawn Michaels struck him in his left eye. The damage was serious -- complete blindness. That's right -- My friend claims to be monocular because of Shawn Michaels. Many a night, we've talked about the emotional damage this has caused him. Over time, this has caused me some emotion damage of my own. Specifically, I've developed a recurring nightmare where Shawn Michaels steals my eye, which is strangely similar to my recurring dream where Shawn Michaels steals my penis (information coming in a future entry). Experiencing one of these nightmares last night was my inspiration to this thread, which will hopefully be the best catharsis I can achieve short of an attempt on HBK's life (which I'm too much of a coward to try).

Entry number two forthcoming.

 

[Little Jerry Lawler]

Glowsticks are lethal weapons.

 

[Coco]

I'm just happy that I don't a recurring nightmare of HBK stealing my penis and throwing it into the audience at a WWE event, accidentally causing blindness in one of my eyes.

 

[Shocky]

Tell your friend to quit being a pussy and rock a monocle.

 

[Unsold Bacon]

This should be a dandy thread.

 

[TheCrusher]

How did Shawn Michaels personally damage my life? How about having a meeting with my boss during which my seven-year-old son was unfortunately forced to tag along and them having my boy get excited about the pictures of wrestlers he had been quietly drawing, spring from his chair and launch into Shawn Michaels entrance, complete with all gyrations and full lyrics! He also added the flop blooper of HBK getting his chains caught in the entrance ramp. (Youtube it if you haven't seen it--one of the best.)
My boss is a great lady, but neither her fine Christian upbringing nor her experience in raising two valedictorian daughters had quite prepared her for the "Sexy Boy." I tried to explain, but was fighting so hard to keep from laughing--the kid's timing and commitment to character was golden--that I didn't sell it very well. She apparently mentioned it to her husband, and he did me a solid and told her it was all pretty normal for a boy. He still asks whenever he sees me with one of the boys if this one is the Heartbreak Kid. My boss even tried to get on board, but kept calling him "Heartbreaker." No permanent damage done there, and she is back to not thinking I'm letting my kids watch porn at home.
BUT HERE is where the damage lies. My wife, jokester that she can be, told me that her husband probably explained it to her in the bedroom and did the dance himself. Now, every time I see the poor bastard, I have the horrifying image of this good-natured but very heavy 50-something man in his tighty-whiteys doing the Sexy Boy for his wife. OH THE HORROR!
I just threw up in my mouth a little.

 

[Coco]

Yet another reason why HBK's appeal to adult males baffles me.