Boulders

[Coco]

I am the alpha and the omega. I'm the second comings of Colonel Sanders, Jesus Christ, and Bill Lesnar wrapped into one. And I'm using my power to compel each and every person who sees this thread to start a thread of their own titled Boulders. Who here is man enough? Those who succumb to my will. Who here has been taking estrogen pills and sucking on the nurturing nipple of a tube of fungicide? Everyone else.

 

[Coco]

I know you people have seen this. And since fungicide tits seem to be your brand, I've got a little surprise for you.

 

[Coco]

I have fungicide tits. And I want you to digest my nipple discharge.

 

[Coco]

It's preferable to ingesting Visine, I'll tell you that. The tubes of fungicide that are my tits sustain life. Just ask Crock.

 

[Coco]

And while you're asking him, be sure to post a thread titled Boulders. I'll be here waiting, rubbing low-sugar dark chocolate squares on my taint and thinking about high school love.

 

[Coco]

Speaking of which, I still fit in my hold high school uniform. Why? Because I haven't put on fifty pounds since graduction. I'm looking at you, Beefy Beffy. And that one girl who got me into the chocolate/taint stuff in the first place.

 

[Coco]

Where's Becca? I'd like to proposition her via PM. That seems like the sane, appropriate thing to do.

 

[Coco]

As a matter of fact, any female contact on here is such a rarity that it gets my blood up by default. So if you're a female, let me know and I'll be sure to proposition you right now. There's enough low-sugar dark chocolate squares to go around. But my taint is taken.

 

[Coco]

Her name was Beffy. And she bit my taint. Hungry girl. Was her idea of foreplay. I almost bled out. Professor Lupin figured the best cure was chocolate. Boy, was he ever right!

 

[Coco]

I'm sure you can all relate. Not to high school love and experimentation. No. You're all virgins. I'm talking about professors helping you through debilitating injuries below the waist.

 

[Coco]

Not female teachers though. No, that's a film you saw once. And the guy in that film looked nothing like you. Porn has no use for a man who looks like you and with scars like those in his taint. Hair can't even grow through that scar tissue, can it? Freak.

 

[Coco]

Is taint hair necessary? Yes and no. We don't want men with a taint bush but we'd like some evidence that you had to do some man-scaping. A little taint stubble. Not some freak with a bald and/or patchy haired taint. Also, what's with the chocolate, dude?

 

[Coco]

Worst job interview ever. I mean sure, nobody ever tears my ass up like that while filming it for his producer to evaluate later on. But the hair-pulling and snides about my chocolate taint were hurtful. Also, there's now video evidence that I'm easy.

 

[Coco]

PM evidence as well. At least once I compose that letter to Becca. I'm thinking about telling her that I'd like to experiment with mimicking Pokemon sounds when I climax. I'll start with Duggtrio. Yes, Becca. Three of them. Can you take it?

 

[Coco]

If not, we'll start slow. A Diglet. Maybe two eventually. Can't go from a Diglet straight to a Duggtrio without anyt build up, can you? I don't know. That's for those of you with lady parts to decide. I'm just guessing. Of course I'd execute the second Diglet later. He'd only run off and tell his friends about how the wounds on my taint reopened. I think I'd make the Duggtrio sound while I execute him to. Eggsecutor!

 

[Coco]

Is one penis a sausage fest? 'Cause I'll be frank, it's feeling like a sausage fest in here. I think I'm going to open the door and let some of those stray cats in. Won't feed them any of my low-sugar dark chocolate though. That'd just be weird.

 

[Sparky]

If not, we'll start slow. A Diglet. Maybe two eventually. Can't go from a Diglet straight to a Duggtrio without anyt build up, can you? I don't know. That's for those of you with lady parts to decide. I'm just guessing. Of course I'd execute the second Diglet later. He'd only run off and tell his friends about how the wounds on my taint reopened. I think I'd make the Duggtrio sound while I execute him to. Eggsecutor!

Lulz...

 

[klunderbunker]

Always good to see the legends honored.

 

[Theo Mays]

Oh yeah? I have a top hat. Take that boulders.