klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
WWF House Show
Date: March 8, 1986
Location: Boston Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Lord Alfred Hayes
Just a house show here from before Wrestlemania 2. Shockingly enough its the mid 80s and Hulk Hogan is world champion. This is kind of an awkward era for the company as theyre out of the early 80s and WWWF stuff by far but they have no idea what to do now. Andre wouldnt rise up to make Hulkamania Hulkamania for almost a year, so the main stuff is kind of up in the air. Lets get to it.
Jesse Ventura isnt here for some reason so Alfred Hayes is subbing. Its Hulk/JYD vs. the Funks later. Sounds like a comedy match.
Rene Goulet vs. Sivi Afi
Oh this is going to be bad. Both guys are jobbers to the stars but Afi would become the third Islander for awhile which no one remembers. We hear about Goulet winning a lot of matches but I dont think anyone remembers it. He runs off for a bit before grabbing a modified cross armbreaker. Goulet goes up to the top rope for ten punches but Sivi just slips out and leaves Rene standing there. Funny bit.
Headlock goes on by Afi and a sunset flip gets one. Incredibly basic match here that would be far better suited as a dark match. Then again its the opener for the house show so its not like there should be a high expectation. We actually get a Peter Maivia reference as Goulet takes over with very basic offense.
After more dull stuff its time for a claw hold which gets no win of course. You can see fans walking around out of boredom. We hear about Wrestlemania for the first time as Afi fights up. Backdrop sets up a headbutt for two. Cross body gets the same and a top rope cross body ends this after, get ready for it, eleven minutes. Yes, this lasted over eleven minutes. I know its a house show but for the love of overly long matches what were they thinking here?
Rating: D. The match was fine but at the same time dude, ELEVEN MINUTES. They werent really messing anything up but this should have been about 5 minutes shorter to make it worth anything. Not a particularly good match but they had a decent enough outing I guess, at least for a house show.
Jake Roberts vs. Jose Luis Rivera
Rivera is a holdover from the early 80s and is there because he was Puerto Rican. Literally thats it. Roberts is almost brand new here so theres not much doubt about the outcome here. More stalling to start as Jake is undefeated at this point I believe. Off to a chinlock as we talk about the battle royal at Mania. Its one of the few shows Ive never heard the buildup for.
Rivera tries to speed things up but a shot to the ribs slows him back down again. We hit the chinlock one more time and talk about Moscow seeing Wrestlemania. One armed slam sets up some missed elbows by Roberts. Rivera shows some psychology by working on the arm so at least hes got that right. We get a LONG armbar as Jake reaches for the bag. Cross body gets two as Jake tries to find a break.
Rivera misses a shot and Jake gets a running knee lift which was his old finisher. Instead of the DDT though we get a sleeper. Hayes thinks Roberts if crafty. Back to the sleeper as the fans think this is boring. Id be inclined to agree with the Bostonians here. Rivera makes his comeback with a backdrop as Jake hits the floor. Rivera chases after him and gets caught with a knee lift as he comes in. DDT ends this.
Rating: D. Another WAY too long match here as the chinlock succeeds in putting everyone to sleep here. I have no idea why they let Rivera get this much offense in but it made the crowd that was already restless even more bored. Weak match overall here and it went way too long.
No snake treatment post match. Were nearly 30 minutes into this show.
Donna Christianello/Judy Martin vs. Crush Gals
Now theres something I never expected to see. The Crush Gals were insanely popular in Japan, even being popular singers. Theyre the team that beat up the Jumping Bomb Angels and youve heard me rave about them. Their names are Lioness Asuka and Chigusa Nagayo. Lioness is in blue. Got it. They both have Beatles haircuts and look very manly. This is their American debut.
Martin vs. Nagayo to start us off. Martin shouts at the crowd a lot and stalls like shes in Memphis. Nagayo takes over quickly so Martin runs off. Arm work on Donna who taps but were about seven years away from that meaning anything. Martin stalls AGAIN. Lioness comes in and Gorilla talks about her more than is healthy for most people. She fires off some kicks to Martin who hits the floor. She looks like shes in labor which is a really funny face.
She stalls AGAIN. Dudette gets on with it. Sunset flip out of the corner gets two on Judy and she takes over a bit. Off to Donna for some heel cheating. She knocks Lioness into the corner where the tag is made. Leg locks get us nowhere as Gorilla speaks some random Japanese. Martin comes in and catches Nagayo on a cross body. The Gals speed things up a bit and its back off to Lioness.
Donna vs. Lioness now with Donna on one knee offering a handshake. Lioness isnt that smart apparently as she goes for it and more double teaming occurs. Martin and Christianello arent that good. Lioness speeds things up and takes Martin down with a leg lock and its off to Nagayo. As they slow things down again, Gorilla says this is fast and furious. He wasnt an English major was he?
Nagayo easily takes Donna down into a half Boston Crab which Martin has to break up. Thankfully Gorilla catches the Boston aspect in Boston. Martin throws a right hand to Nagayo so she gets smacked often. Back off to Lioness who Gorilla calls hot. Different context but not something I want to hear from Monsoon. Nagayo comes in again and puts on a SHARPSHOOTER!!! This is 1986 remember, so that was unheard of at the time. Most impressive indeed. Its terribly sloppy but this is before Wrestlemania 2 and its a Sharpshooter.
We get the ultra rare face miscommunication as Lioness clotheslines Nagayo. The fans chant USA because this has been going on for almost 15 minutes. The Gals take over with a bunch of elbows and a double dropkick to Donna. Giant Swing gets a ROAR and the pin on Donna. Im surprised more by the pop for the move.
Rating: D+. Cool history moment aside and the Sharpshooter aside, this wasnt much of a match. The heels were AWFUL out there as they stalled incessantly which kept making the match seem like an engine that couldnt quite turn over. Not a terrible match but it suffered from a lot of the problems that womens wrestling in this era had. I still like the Bomb Angels FAR better, even though they pale in comparison from a fame perspective.
Scott McGee vs. Jim Neidhart
How in the world are we over 45 minutes into this show? Alfred, the Englishman, gets Scotland and England confused. Egads to say the least. Jimmy has a new Megaphone it seems. McGee grabs a rollup for two to surprise Neidhart. Test of strength goes well for Anvil as he bites away. McGee gets sent to the announce table as this is another boring semi-squash.
Jimmy says the Harts are splitting into singles matches at the moment because theres no challenge for them at the moment because they have to beat the Bulldogs first. The match more or less stops for a bit as Gorilla and Jimmy chat. Jimmy has managed to get a siren sound effect on the Megaphone. Neidhart drops McGee throat first to the railing to really take over.
Hayes might be a guest referee for some reason and he says hell suck. Ok then. All Anvil here as were firmly into the squash territory. Since the match is dull, lets talk about Piper vs. Mr. T. McGee blocks a suplex into one of his own and down goes Anvil. Some European uppercuts by McGee but a powerslam ends this rather quickly. Guess who won.
Rating: D. Just a squash here as Anvil dominates again. Were over 50 minutes into this match and they really need to get to something good already. I mean dude, the big match so far has been Sivi Afi vs. Rene Goulet. Im not sure why the fans havent rioted yet but it seems to me like its because theyre very patient. Get to something of note, I beg of you.
Bret Hart vs. Ricky Steamboat
NOW THATS MORE LIKE IT! This was supposed to be a match at Mania and the show stealer but for some reason Vince thought Hercules was a bigger potential star than Bret so we got Herc vs. Steamboat instead. Steamboat is called the Black Dragon by Hayes which is a new one on me. Bret, ever the heel in the 80s, jumps Steamboat before the robe comes off as Jimmy runs his mouth.
Steamboat fights back and sends Bret chest first into the buckle. There goes the robe and Steamboat is all fired up. Off to the armbar as is Steamboats custom. The Celtics score pops up on the scoreboard behind the ring to a nice pop. Ton of armwork here by Steamboat as Gorilla says that Steamboat has decided to work on the arm. I guess the last two minutes of armwork was just Ricky leasing with an option to buy.
While in the armbar against Steamboat shouts at Jimmy to SHUT UP. Has anyone ever tried that before? Jimmy goes on a big rant to Gorilla about how Steamboat has done every legal move in the book to Bret. Gorilla gets a good laugh out of that one. Ricky has been working on the arm for literally five minutes now. And I mean in human time, not wrestling announcer time where 5 minutes equals about two hours.
Steamboat busts out a superkick of all things but walks into a neckbreaker to shift momentum. Out to the floor as Bret is in control. Suplex back in gets two. Gorilla says two and three quarters. Well we established he wasnt an English major so maybe it was math. Off to the headlock by Bret which is countered into a failed slam attempt which gets two for Bret.
Down goes Bret but a splash eats knees for Ricky. Back out to the floor as Bret keeps control. Slam onto the floor as we hear about the ice underneath the floor. Bret copies his partner with a powerslam for two. If you didnt get it, this is a good match which is why there arent a ton of jokes in this one.
Backbreaker gets no cover as were in the beta version of the 5 Moves of Doom here. You can tell its the unpolished version as the elbow misses. Steamboat comes back with his karate stuff which could be any form of martial arts but Gorilla will call it karate. Belly to back gets a long two for Ricky. Bret reverses Steamboat into the corner and the referee goes down. They speed things up again with Bret getting a cross body but Steamboat rolls through it for the surprise pin.
Rating: B+. Now I know this is going to shock you, but Bret Hart vs. Ricky Steamboat in a sixteen minute match was rather good. Try to contain your stunned responses. Anyway, these two were awesome as you would expect as Bret was still trying to get noticed and steamboat was getting more and more awesome every time he was in the ring. Very good match and exactly what you would expect from them.
Intercontinental Title: Randy Savage vs. Tito Santana
Savage won the title a month ago to the day in this very arena so this is a white hot feud. This would be Steamboat first rematch and probably his biggest one. Savage stalls and yells at the announcers a bit. He goes in for a few seconds and the stalling continues. Tito finally is like a infierno con este and chases after Savage. After two laps Tito gets his hands on Mach and into the crowd goes Savage. For some reason a ring guy tossed the stairs over after the final lap, as in putting them in the way of them running again. Odd indeed.
Back into the ring and Savage is in trouble. Crowd is white hot for this. Out to the floor again and Tito works on the knee back in the ring. Gorilla says its for the patented Figure Four. Is there a patent office for wrestling moves? Anyway, Savage sends him out to the floor via a handful of tights and we stall even more. Savage hammers away and gets various twos.
Savage clothesline gets two again as we go to the corner for more punches. Tito fires back with a heabutt to the stomach as the brawling continues. Forearm hits but Tito doesnt cover as he drops an elbow instead for two. Figure Four doesnt work as we hit the floor again. Savage looks for the foreign object but Tito makes the stop. GOOD FREAKING GRIEF Savage is pale under his tights. I mean I thought it was more cloth but thats his skin. Anyway Tito shoves the referee and its a lame DQ. Crowd stayed on fire though.
Rating: C+. Not quite what I was expecting but this wasnt bad. The crowd helps this A LOT as they simply would not be quiet. Savage would go on to keep the belt for over a year, finally losing it to Steamboat at Mania III. Anyway this was fun while it lasted but it feels like a stereotypical house show title match which is kind of odd for this era. But hey, Goulet vs. Afi got its eleven minutes right?
Bull Nakano/Dump Matsumoto vs. Velvet McIntyre/Dawn Marie
Nakano/Matsumoto (who Id assume is related to Duke the Dumpster due to the similar names) are heels and known as the Devils of Japan. They were part of a stable that had a HUGE feud with the Crush Gals in Japan in the 80s. Id assume theres some kind of talent exchange deal going on at the moment for all these Japanese chicks to be here tonight. And no its not that Dawn Marie.
Dump is in full shogun attire for no apparent reason. She removes it and I wish shed put it back on. Even Gorilla implies shes rather ugly. Velvet and Nakano start us off as Nakano is literally half bald. As usual, Velvet wrestles barefoot and takes Bull down with relative ease. Off to Dump (Seriously? Dump?) vs. Dawn as Dump dominates. Dawn hammers away which gets her nowhere.
Velvet comes back in as this is pure dominance so far. Gorilla cracks fat and dump jokes the entire time. Cant say I blame him as theyre rather odd indeed. Also he doesnt know how to pronounce Nakano, as it comes out Naino. Cross body gets two for Velvet. Nakano pulls in Marie and the beating continues. Off to Dump as this is a total squash.
Dump beats on Marie a bit more until Velvet tags herself in. Velvet tries to fight Bull but gets flattened. They go to the corner and botch something. Out of absolutely nowhere, Velvet gets a victory roll to Nakano to get the win out of nowhere. REALLY dont like that ending as in a nearly ten minute match the non Japanese chicks were on offense for about 75 seconds in total.
Rating: D+. Another boring match here which is a running theme tonight. The Japanese girls wouldnt mean anything for years to come and McIntyres importance was limited at best to say the least. Another weak match as Im rather surprised that they went with two female tag matches n the same card but I guess its a different era.
Mike Sharpe vs. Corporal Kirschner
SMELL THE BUYRATE BABY!!! Kirschner was the replacement for Slaughter and no one cared at all. Sharpe is Canadian so the idea here is obvious. Monkey flip (no arms) by the Corporal sends Sharpe flying early on. Sharpe is sent to the floor via a set of dropkicks and crashes into the two foot tall barricade. Oh never mine he knocked it over and that was the foot of it. That helps a lot.
Wrestlemania is on a Monday this year. That just sounds weird. Gorilla says the title is on the line in a cage for the first time ever. Give me a break. Sharpe takes over with basic stuff as were in for a long one here. Hayes says there is only one Iron Mike Sharpe. Gorilla: Thank God.
Sharpe wants a test of strength as I guess they have some time to kill. Its 10:11 PM according to the big clock in the back. Thats far more interesting than this match. Kirschner takes over and stomps on his fingers. Suplex gets no count as the foot is on the rope. We make fun of Sharpe being obsessed with being in shape which is actually a parody of him being obsessed with being clean and neat. Makes sense to not say a heel wants to be clean all the time I guess.
The fans chant USA as Kirschner is sent to the floor and there goes the barricade again. Sharpe makes me long for a can of paint, either to watch dry or get high off the fumes from with his offense even more. Cross body gets two for the Corporal as does a small package. Sharpe loads up his forearm pad but Kirschner blocks it and actually rams the pad into Sharpes head for the pin. I give up.
Rating: F. WOW. They decided to give this eleven minutes and THAT ending? What grade do you think Im going to give it? You figure out why Kirschner wasnt around that long at all and is a footnote in company history. This was awful and one of the least interesting matches I can remember in a very long time.
Barry O vs. Ted Arcidi
Arcidi is the Worlds Strongest Man and for awhile held the world benchpress record. Hes also from Boston so I think you know who the fans are behind here. Barry O is famous for one reason: the O stands for Orton. You figure the relations out yourself. Arcidi is just a big muscleman so I think you can figure out where this goes. Barry runs away and catches him coming in with some knee shots. The straps go down for Arcidi and a bear hug ends this. Just a squash for the most part.
Terry Funk/Hoss Funk vs. Hulk Hogan/Junkyard Dog
Hoss is Dory Jr. Terry gets in Gorillas face to start and the sunglasses come off. Terry has to be held back from going after a fan in the front row. JYD chokes Hoss and Hogan beats on Terry as GORILLA CURSES!!!! I feel so dirty now. Terry vs. JYD to start us off. Funk rams into the shoulder and tries to ram his head into JYDs. Dog is lie boy ..just no. Off to Dory and we get an old school crisscross. JYD stops and Dory keeps running. Terry comes in and runs also as Dog just watches them. Funny stuff.
Off to Hogan vs. Dory with Hogan having bad ribs thanks to Bundy at the moment. Terry tries to interfere and takes out a cameraman in the process. I love the visuals in those. Now Terry is tangled up in the cables at ringside and falls down. Hes NUTS here. Hogan slams them both and the Funks hit the floor again. The fans LOVE Hulk to say the least. Even off basic slams he has them losing their minds.
Terry manages to send Hulk into the steps and gets a shot to the ribs to take over. He hammers away in the ring and that gets him nowhere. Off to the Dog who would usually play Ricky Morton but that formula hadnt been invented yet. Dog gets beaten on for awhile until he gets an AWFUL belly to back to Terry to escape. Hogan comes in and another shot to the ribs has him in trouble.
Hogan gets choked by some tape and the referee misses the tag to the dog. Jimmy gets pulled into the ring so Terry chokes JYD with a rope. Hogan gets a clothesline out of nowhere to pin Terry, the illegal man, with. At least this is finally over. The show I mean. Well the match also but you get the point.
Rating: D+. Just a main event tag match that wasnt very good as the tag team formula hadnt been established yet. Not awful but their match on SNME was so far and away ahead of this that it wasnt even funny. Also, is there any reason why Bundy wasnt involved in this? If there is I certainly dont get it. Tito would substitute for Hogan at Mania in the same tag match which was WAY better.
Lots of posing and Juking ends this. Some fan has a Hogan mask complete with hair that goes onto Dogs head.
Overall Rating: F+. THANK GOODNESS this is over. This was one of the least interesting shows I can think of with so many matches getting far too much time and just bad matchups overall. I mean dude, Corporal Kirschner vs. Mike Sharpe and Rene Goulet vs. Sivi Afi getting eleven minutes apiece? Theres a reason why this time period is considered almost a lost era for the company. I think its more like locked away and never talked about. Thats probably a better reason. Awful show that felt like it was about 8 days long.
Date: March 8, 1986
Location: Boston Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Lord Alfred Hayes
Just a house show here from before Wrestlemania 2. Shockingly enough its the mid 80s and Hulk Hogan is world champion. This is kind of an awkward era for the company as theyre out of the early 80s and WWWF stuff by far but they have no idea what to do now. Andre wouldnt rise up to make Hulkamania Hulkamania for almost a year, so the main stuff is kind of up in the air. Lets get to it.
Jesse Ventura isnt here for some reason so Alfred Hayes is subbing. Its Hulk/JYD vs. the Funks later. Sounds like a comedy match.
Rene Goulet vs. Sivi Afi
Oh this is going to be bad. Both guys are jobbers to the stars but Afi would become the third Islander for awhile which no one remembers. We hear about Goulet winning a lot of matches but I dont think anyone remembers it. He runs off for a bit before grabbing a modified cross armbreaker. Goulet goes up to the top rope for ten punches but Sivi just slips out and leaves Rene standing there. Funny bit.
Headlock goes on by Afi and a sunset flip gets one. Incredibly basic match here that would be far better suited as a dark match. Then again its the opener for the house show so its not like there should be a high expectation. We actually get a Peter Maivia reference as Goulet takes over with very basic offense.
After more dull stuff its time for a claw hold which gets no win of course. You can see fans walking around out of boredom. We hear about Wrestlemania for the first time as Afi fights up. Backdrop sets up a headbutt for two. Cross body gets the same and a top rope cross body ends this after, get ready for it, eleven minutes. Yes, this lasted over eleven minutes. I know its a house show but for the love of overly long matches what were they thinking here?
Rating: D. The match was fine but at the same time dude, ELEVEN MINUTES. They werent really messing anything up but this should have been about 5 minutes shorter to make it worth anything. Not a particularly good match but they had a decent enough outing I guess, at least for a house show.
Jake Roberts vs. Jose Luis Rivera
Rivera is a holdover from the early 80s and is there because he was Puerto Rican. Literally thats it. Roberts is almost brand new here so theres not much doubt about the outcome here. More stalling to start as Jake is undefeated at this point I believe. Off to a chinlock as we talk about the battle royal at Mania. Its one of the few shows Ive never heard the buildup for.
Rivera tries to speed things up but a shot to the ribs slows him back down again. We hit the chinlock one more time and talk about Moscow seeing Wrestlemania. One armed slam sets up some missed elbows by Roberts. Rivera shows some psychology by working on the arm so at least hes got that right. We get a LONG armbar as Jake reaches for the bag. Cross body gets two as Jake tries to find a break.
Rivera misses a shot and Jake gets a running knee lift which was his old finisher. Instead of the DDT though we get a sleeper. Hayes thinks Roberts if crafty. Back to the sleeper as the fans think this is boring. Id be inclined to agree with the Bostonians here. Rivera makes his comeback with a backdrop as Jake hits the floor. Rivera chases after him and gets caught with a knee lift as he comes in. DDT ends this.
Rating: D. Another WAY too long match here as the chinlock succeeds in putting everyone to sleep here. I have no idea why they let Rivera get this much offense in but it made the crowd that was already restless even more bored. Weak match overall here and it went way too long.
No snake treatment post match. Were nearly 30 minutes into this show.
Donna Christianello/Judy Martin vs. Crush Gals
Now theres something I never expected to see. The Crush Gals were insanely popular in Japan, even being popular singers. Theyre the team that beat up the Jumping Bomb Angels and youve heard me rave about them. Their names are Lioness Asuka and Chigusa Nagayo. Lioness is in blue. Got it. They both have Beatles haircuts and look very manly. This is their American debut.
Martin vs. Nagayo to start us off. Martin shouts at the crowd a lot and stalls like shes in Memphis. Nagayo takes over quickly so Martin runs off. Arm work on Donna who taps but were about seven years away from that meaning anything. Martin stalls AGAIN. Lioness comes in and Gorilla talks about her more than is healthy for most people. She fires off some kicks to Martin who hits the floor. She looks like shes in labor which is a really funny face.
She stalls AGAIN. Dudette gets on with it. Sunset flip out of the corner gets two on Judy and she takes over a bit. Off to Donna for some heel cheating. She knocks Lioness into the corner where the tag is made. Leg locks get us nowhere as Gorilla speaks some random Japanese. Martin comes in and catches Nagayo on a cross body. The Gals speed things up a bit and its back off to Lioness.
Donna vs. Lioness now with Donna on one knee offering a handshake. Lioness isnt that smart apparently as she goes for it and more double teaming occurs. Martin and Christianello arent that good. Lioness speeds things up and takes Martin down with a leg lock and its off to Nagayo. As they slow things down again, Gorilla says this is fast and furious. He wasnt an English major was he?
Nagayo easily takes Donna down into a half Boston Crab which Martin has to break up. Thankfully Gorilla catches the Boston aspect in Boston. Martin throws a right hand to Nagayo so she gets smacked often. Back off to Lioness who Gorilla calls hot. Different context but not something I want to hear from Monsoon. Nagayo comes in again and puts on a SHARPSHOOTER!!! This is 1986 remember, so that was unheard of at the time. Most impressive indeed. Its terribly sloppy but this is before Wrestlemania 2 and its a Sharpshooter.
We get the ultra rare face miscommunication as Lioness clotheslines Nagayo. The fans chant USA because this has been going on for almost 15 minutes. The Gals take over with a bunch of elbows and a double dropkick to Donna. Giant Swing gets a ROAR and the pin on Donna. Im surprised more by the pop for the move.
Rating: D+. Cool history moment aside and the Sharpshooter aside, this wasnt much of a match. The heels were AWFUL out there as they stalled incessantly which kept making the match seem like an engine that couldnt quite turn over. Not a terrible match but it suffered from a lot of the problems that womens wrestling in this era had. I still like the Bomb Angels FAR better, even though they pale in comparison from a fame perspective.
Scott McGee vs. Jim Neidhart
How in the world are we over 45 minutes into this show? Alfred, the Englishman, gets Scotland and England confused. Egads to say the least. Jimmy has a new Megaphone it seems. McGee grabs a rollup for two to surprise Neidhart. Test of strength goes well for Anvil as he bites away. McGee gets sent to the announce table as this is another boring semi-squash.
Jimmy says the Harts are splitting into singles matches at the moment because theres no challenge for them at the moment because they have to beat the Bulldogs first. The match more or less stops for a bit as Gorilla and Jimmy chat. Jimmy has managed to get a siren sound effect on the Megaphone. Neidhart drops McGee throat first to the railing to really take over.
Hayes might be a guest referee for some reason and he says hell suck. Ok then. All Anvil here as were firmly into the squash territory. Since the match is dull, lets talk about Piper vs. Mr. T. McGee blocks a suplex into one of his own and down goes Anvil. Some European uppercuts by McGee but a powerslam ends this rather quickly. Guess who won.
Rating: D. Just a squash here as Anvil dominates again. Were over 50 minutes into this match and they really need to get to something good already. I mean dude, the big match so far has been Sivi Afi vs. Rene Goulet. Im not sure why the fans havent rioted yet but it seems to me like its because theyre very patient. Get to something of note, I beg of you.
Bret Hart vs. Ricky Steamboat
NOW THATS MORE LIKE IT! This was supposed to be a match at Mania and the show stealer but for some reason Vince thought Hercules was a bigger potential star than Bret so we got Herc vs. Steamboat instead. Steamboat is called the Black Dragon by Hayes which is a new one on me. Bret, ever the heel in the 80s, jumps Steamboat before the robe comes off as Jimmy runs his mouth.
Steamboat fights back and sends Bret chest first into the buckle. There goes the robe and Steamboat is all fired up. Off to the armbar as is Steamboats custom. The Celtics score pops up on the scoreboard behind the ring to a nice pop. Ton of armwork here by Steamboat as Gorilla says that Steamboat has decided to work on the arm. I guess the last two minutes of armwork was just Ricky leasing with an option to buy.
While in the armbar against Steamboat shouts at Jimmy to SHUT UP. Has anyone ever tried that before? Jimmy goes on a big rant to Gorilla about how Steamboat has done every legal move in the book to Bret. Gorilla gets a good laugh out of that one. Ricky has been working on the arm for literally five minutes now. And I mean in human time, not wrestling announcer time where 5 minutes equals about two hours.
Steamboat busts out a superkick of all things but walks into a neckbreaker to shift momentum. Out to the floor as Bret is in control. Suplex back in gets two. Gorilla says two and three quarters. Well we established he wasnt an English major so maybe it was math. Off to the headlock by Bret which is countered into a failed slam attempt which gets two for Bret.
Down goes Bret but a splash eats knees for Ricky. Back out to the floor as Bret keeps control. Slam onto the floor as we hear about the ice underneath the floor. Bret copies his partner with a powerslam for two. If you didnt get it, this is a good match which is why there arent a ton of jokes in this one.
Backbreaker gets no cover as were in the beta version of the 5 Moves of Doom here. You can tell its the unpolished version as the elbow misses. Steamboat comes back with his karate stuff which could be any form of martial arts but Gorilla will call it karate. Belly to back gets a long two for Ricky. Bret reverses Steamboat into the corner and the referee goes down. They speed things up again with Bret getting a cross body but Steamboat rolls through it for the surprise pin.
Rating: B+. Now I know this is going to shock you, but Bret Hart vs. Ricky Steamboat in a sixteen minute match was rather good. Try to contain your stunned responses. Anyway, these two were awesome as you would expect as Bret was still trying to get noticed and steamboat was getting more and more awesome every time he was in the ring. Very good match and exactly what you would expect from them.
Intercontinental Title: Randy Savage vs. Tito Santana
Savage won the title a month ago to the day in this very arena so this is a white hot feud. This would be Steamboat first rematch and probably his biggest one. Savage stalls and yells at the announcers a bit. He goes in for a few seconds and the stalling continues. Tito finally is like a infierno con este and chases after Savage. After two laps Tito gets his hands on Mach and into the crowd goes Savage. For some reason a ring guy tossed the stairs over after the final lap, as in putting them in the way of them running again. Odd indeed.
Back into the ring and Savage is in trouble. Crowd is white hot for this. Out to the floor again and Tito works on the knee back in the ring. Gorilla says its for the patented Figure Four. Is there a patent office for wrestling moves? Anyway, Savage sends him out to the floor via a handful of tights and we stall even more. Savage hammers away and gets various twos.
Savage clothesline gets two again as we go to the corner for more punches. Tito fires back with a heabutt to the stomach as the brawling continues. Forearm hits but Tito doesnt cover as he drops an elbow instead for two. Figure Four doesnt work as we hit the floor again. Savage looks for the foreign object but Tito makes the stop. GOOD FREAKING GRIEF Savage is pale under his tights. I mean I thought it was more cloth but thats his skin. Anyway Tito shoves the referee and its a lame DQ. Crowd stayed on fire though.
Rating: C+. Not quite what I was expecting but this wasnt bad. The crowd helps this A LOT as they simply would not be quiet. Savage would go on to keep the belt for over a year, finally losing it to Steamboat at Mania III. Anyway this was fun while it lasted but it feels like a stereotypical house show title match which is kind of odd for this era. But hey, Goulet vs. Afi got its eleven minutes right?
Bull Nakano/Dump Matsumoto vs. Velvet McIntyre/Dawn Marie
Nakano/Matsumoto (who Id assume is related to Duke the Dumpster due to the similar names) are heels and known as the Devils of Japan. They were part of a stable that had a HUGE feud with the Crush Gals in Japan in the 80s. Id assume theres some kind of talent exchange deal going on at the moment for all these Japanese chicks to be here tonight. And no its not that Dawn Marie.
Dump is in full shogun attire for no apparent reason. She removes it and I wish shed put it back on. Even Gorilla implies shes rather ugly. Velvet and Nakano start us off as Nakano is literally half bald. As usual, Velvet wrestles barefoot and takes Bull down with relative ease. Off to Dump (Seriously? Dump?) vs. Dawn as Dump dominates. Dawn hammers away which gets her nowhere.
Velvet comes back in as this is pure dominance so far. Gorilla cracks fat and dump jokes the entire time. Cant say I blame him as theyre rather odd indeed. Also he doesnt know how to pronounce Nakano, as it comes out Naino. Cross body gets two for Velvet. Nakano pulls in Marie and the beating continues. Off to Dump as this is a total squash.
Dump beats on Marie a bit more until Velvet tags herself in. Velvet tries to fight Bull but gets flattened. They go to the corner and botch something. Out of absolutely nowhere, Velvet gets a victory roll to Nakano to get the win out of nowhere. REALLY dont like that ending as in a nearly ten minute match the non Japanese chicks were on offense for about 75 seconds in total.
Rating: D+. Another boring match here which is a running theme tonight. The Japanese girls wouldnt mean anything for years to come and McIntyres importance was limited at best to say the least. Another weak match as Im rather surprised that they went with two female tag matches n the same card but I guess its a different era.
Mike Sharpe vs. Corporal Kirschner
SMELL THE BUYRATE BABY!!! Kirschner was the replacement for Slaughter and no one cared at all. Sharpe is Canadian so the idea here is obvious. Monkey flip (no arms) by the Corporal sends Sharpe flying early on. Sharpe is sent to the floor via a set of dropkicks and crashes into the two foot tall barricade. Oh never mine he knocked it over and that was the foot of it. That helps a lot.
Wrestlemania is on a Monday this year. That just sounds weird. Gorilla says the title is on the line in a cage for the first time ever. Give me a break. Sharpe takes over with basic stuff as were in for a long one here. Hayes says there is only one Iron Mike Sharpe. Gorilla: Thank God.
Sharpe wants a test of strength as I guess they have some time to kill. Its 10:11 PM according to the big clock in the back. Thats far more interesting than this match. Kirschner takes over and stomps on his fingers. Suplex gets no count as the foot is on the rope. We make fun of Sharpe being obsessed with being in shape which is actually a parody of him being obsessed with being clean and neat. Makes sense to not say a heel wants to be clean all the time I guess.
The fans chant USA as Kirschner is sent to the floor and there goes the barricade again. Sharpe makes me long for a can of paint, either to watch dry or get high off the fumes from with his offense even more. Cross body gets two for the Corporal as does a small package. Sharpe loads up his forearm pad but Kirschner blocks it and actually rams the pad into Sharpes head for the pin. I give up.
Rating: F. WOW. They decided to give this eleven minutes and THAT ending? What grade do you think Im going to give it? You figure out why Kirschner wasnt around that long at all and is a footnote in company history. This was awful and one of the least interesting matches I can remember in a very long time.
Barry O vs. Ted Arcidi
Arcidi is the Worlds Strongest Man and for awhile held the world benchpress record. Hes also from Boston so I think you know who the fans are behind here. Barry O is famous for one reason: the O stands for Orton. You figure the relations out yourself. Arcidi is just a big muscleman so I think you can figure out where this goes. Barry runs away and catches him coming in with some knee shots. The straps go down for Arcidi and a bear hug ends this. Just a squash for the most part.
Terry Funk/Hoss Funk vs. Hulk Hogan/Junkyard Dog
Hoss is Dory Jr. Terry gets in Gorillas face to start and the sunglasses come off. Terry has to be held back from going after a fan in the front row. JYD chokes Hoss and Hogan beats on Terry as GORILLA CURSES!!!! I feel so dirty now. Terry vs. JYD to start us off. Funk rams into the shoulder and tries to ram his head into JYDs. Dog is lie boy ..just no. Off to Dory and we get an old school crisscross. JYD stops and Dory keeps running. Terry comes in and runs also as Dog just watches them. Funny stuff.
Off to Hogan vs. Dory with Hogan having bad ribs thanks to Bundy at the moment. Terry tries to interfere and takes out a cameraman in the process. I love the visuals in those. Now Terry is tangled up in the cables at ringside and falls down. Hes NUTS here. Hogan slams them both and the Funks hit the floor again. The fans LOVE Hulk to say the least. Even off basic slams he has them losing their minds.
Terry manages to send Hulk into the steps and gets a shot to the ribs to take over. He hammers away in the ring and that gets him nowhere. Off to the Dog who would usually play Ricky Morton but that formula hadnt been invented yet. Dog gets beaten on for awhile until he gets an AWFUL belly to back to Terry to escape. Hogan comes in and another shot to the ribs has him in trouble.
Hogan gets choked by some tape and the referee misses the tag to the dog. Jimmy gets pulled into the ring so Terry chokes JYD with a rope. Hogan gets a clothesline out of nowhere to pin Terry, the illegal man, with. At least this is finally over. The show I mean. Well the match also but you get the point.
Rating: D+. Just a main event tag match that wasnt very good as the tag team formula hadnt been established yet. Not awful but their match on SNME was so far and away ahead of this that it wasnt even funny. Also, is there any reason why Bundy wasnt involved in this? If there is I certainly dont get it. Tito would substitute for Hogan at Mania in the same tag match which was WAY better.
Lots of posing and Juking ends this. Some fan has a Hogan mask complete with hair that goes onto Dogs head.
Overall Rating: F+. THANK GOODNESS this is over. This was one of the least interesting shows I can think of with so many matches getting far too much time and just bad matchups overall. I mean dude, Corporal Kirschner vs. Mike Sharpe and Rene Goulet vs. Sivi Afi getting eleven minutes apiece? Theres a reason why this time period is considered almost a lost era for the company. I think its more like locked away and never talked about. Thats probably a better reason. Awful show that felt like it was about 8 days long.
