Better to be single, or taken?

[Rusty]

The answer is obvious but read on.

I'm come to a point (and age) in my life where I simply don't know what I want, on one hand it'd be good to have a long term girlfriend and all that, but on the other hand, I'm fussy as hell and won't settle for just any woman. Eventually, as most of you older posters may have experienced, you get over going out to clubs, bars and parties. Even though I've not had a long term girlfriend, I've been with plenty of girls and I guess it's been rare that I feel "alone".

But then it hit me, I'm fussy because I just don't want to settle for someone who I don't want to spend the rest of my life with. Sure it'd be great to have someone to depend on and whatnot, but I've become so independent that it's the norm for me not to have that special someone. But on the other hand, there's only so many one night stands you can have without getting over it, in my eyes.

So well, I'd like to know if others feel the same? I know many guys in particular that need a girl in their life, they need that someone to depend on and don't feel confident otherwise. Is it better having a relationship, perhaps even with someone you didn't immediately click? Or would you rather be single instead of being in a relationship with someone you didn't particularly care about?

 

[WBL]

Have you tried dudes yet?

I get the feeling you'd just be a lot happier with dudes.

 

[Slash-LN]

It varies.

I've only had one relationship where there were serious talks about her moving in with me and us getting married and having kids. Friends, family and co workers (because we worked at the same place) told me she was wrong for me. I didn't listen. I liked having someone there who cared about me and that I cared about. We fought a lot and had some pretty bad times but when it was good it was the best feeling in the world. In the end we went our separate ways though. That's the wrong type of relationship to be in if you're looking for a long term relationship.

I'm single right now and for the most part I enjoy it. I like being able to do what I want to do and not have to deal with someone bothering me about it.

On the flip side I do miss having someone to hold on to and sit up for hours talking about the most random stuff and the most important stuff. Someone who isn't just someone I want to "sleep with" but someone I want to sleep with and wake up next to them in the morning. Someone I can share life with.

If you are 22 like your age says on here then I would say go out and live life to the fullest. Go on adventures. Go hang with your friends and have a good time. If someone comes along that you want to share your adventures with then that's great. Hold on to that and cherish that. If someone doesn't come along that's fine too. You said yourself you don't want to settle for someone just to be in a relationship and that's the mindset you need to keep.

Every person is going to be different. It's just how we are as people. Whatever is best for you in the current moment is your answer to this question. If that means being single right now then do that.

If you meet someone and you feel like you don't want a relationship then let them know that up front. Don't toy with someone's emotions. Don't fake it.

Have you tried dudes yet?

I get the feeling you'd just be a lot happier with dudes.

Seriously dude? This isn't what the symposium is for. Keep that in the Bar Room.

 

[Dowdsy McDowds]

I'm single right now and for the most part I enjoy it. I like being able to do what I want to do and not have to deal with someone bothering me about it.

I can relate to this.

I'm comfortable with how things are for me at the moment; in the last 18 months I've moved down to England from Scotland for a job and just recently completed my first house purchase so there has been a lot of stress, readjusting and settling in that I've had to do in that time.

With work hours (plus the commute) I don't have too much time for going out on a whim and speaking to random people to strike up social connections but I find that I don't really mind too much. The people from work who I go to the cinema and pubs with are really nice people and we have a blast every time. On the weekends I just like to wind down and enjoy my peace and quiet. Would it be nice to spend it with a girlfriend? Yeh, probably. But it isn't something I perceive as essential for me at this moment in time.

 

[CyberPunk]

It's a tough one. Your age says that you still have a long way to go before you should actually think about 'settling down.' I mean at my age (yeah it's here) I still think I am not completely ready to settle down for just any girl or woman.

Relationships are very important part of life. It's good to have someone you can lean on; however, it's also important to understand if that person is the same one you want to lean on for the rest of your life. After my last break up a year and a half ago, I've never thought of getting into a serious relationship. In fact, I didn't even go for one night stands even though the chances presented themselves. You know why? Because after a long time I was able to give time to myself, my friends and my family. My performance at job improved. My overall life seem to have improved. Do I miss being with someone? Of course yes! How could you not miss the time you spent with someone for so long? And I had a good relationship, but towards the end of it, it was hell. Relationships go beyond the bed. Getting into one is easy, getting out of them is hell. I say, live your life to the fullest before you decide what you want to do. There's plenty of time.

 

[Kodo Sawaki]

Is it better having a relationship, perhaps even with someone you didn't immediately click? Or would you rather be single instead of being in a relationship with someone you didn't particularly care about?

Depends what you mean by it. You can like someone and be in a relationship just not have that "love feeling" in sense that you are not in love with that person right away. That kind of stuff happens a lot and that feeling can come later in a relationship. And that is OK, there are rarely persons that you can just "click" so immidiatly. Most of the times its the process that lasts some time. For example you can just meet the girl in the club and not know anything particular about her but still enter some form of relationship and get some affection later when you know her better.

On the other side you can just enter in a relationship with someone you dont perticulary like or care about just for a sake of being in a relationship. And that is mostly not that good for person because you are spending time with person you dont perticulary like or care and you will not be perticulary happy in that relationship. Maybe its nice sometimes in terms of sex but when it comes to a relationship no.

So it depends on what you ask from a relationship and get from one...

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Whichever one you are not currently in, is which is better.

It is human nature to miss aspects of either side of this coin after some time.

But yea, no, being single is 110% better than being with someone you don't like. No offense, but that is a stupid fucking question. All the limitations of being in a relationship with hardly any of the rewards.

 

[JamJam]

Rusty, you're slowly becoming one of my favorite posters for some reason

There is certainly a point in time where you want to settle down. Sometimes, it's earlier than others and sometimes, it's later than others. If you are indeed 22, I think you have a lot of time before settling down man.

I've been with my girlfriend for four years which is a pretty damn long time. We've been together since I was a junior in high school and she was a senior. And let me tell you something, it's been one hell of a roller coaster ride. Sure, there has been some times where she has annoyed me a lot but then there's just something about her that makes me happy and that's all you can really ask for. What makes you happy? If being single makes you happy, then be single. If being with someone makes you happy, then be with someone. I know those are easier said than done but I think it's as simple as that. If you wanted to be alone, you'd do things that'll keep you alone. If you wanted to be with someone, you'd go out and meet someone.

The funny thing is, I think we're all programmed to be with someone. I agree with NorCal in that you can definitely be in a relationship with someone you don't click with. I know from experience that me and my girlfriend didn't click right from the get go. Even if we didn't click, there was still that attraction, and that was enough for us to want to find out what can make us click as a couple. I hope that made sense lol.

Honestly, it's probably better if you don't click at first. Because if you click right away, you're taking the fun away from it. What I mean is that, you already know what the other likes and dislikes and all that. But if you don't click right away, that's your adventure, that's the thrill of it all. You discover new things about your partner and they discover new things about you. Whether they like those things or not will probably dictate if you stay a couple or not.

But overall, do what makes you happy. Never give up on love.

Yours truly, the love doctor, Jam.

 

[Reflection]

Taken > Single > Taken by the wrong person.
One of the biggest lessons I've learnt in my life is that one should not get into a relationship if he feels he isn't ready for it yet (mostly due to money or other constraints), or isn't boyfriend/husband material yet (loses commitment after a few months), just because everyone around seem to have a girlfriend. It will fall apart, and until then, force you to live every day with compromise. Either way, it will cause pain to both at the end. When the time comes, things will fall in place. Nothing should be forced.

 

[Rusty]

Have you tried dudes yet?

I get the feeling you'd just be a lot happier with dudes.

How mature of you.

Whichever one you are not currently in, is which is better.

It is human nature to miss aspects of either side of this coin after some time.

But yea, no, being single is 110% better than being with someone you don't like. No offense, but that is a stupid fucking question. All the limitations of being in a relationship with hardly any of the rewards.

Some guys would disagree, some need that constant validation and satisfaction that comes with being with a woman. Sounds stupid, but that's the real world for ya. The grass is greener on the other side they always say.

There is certainly a point in time where you want to settle down. Sometimes, it's earlier than others and sometimes, it's later than others. If you are indeed 22, I think you have a lot of time before settling down man.

I've been with my girlfriend for four years which is a pretty damn long time. We've been together since I was a junior in high school and she was a senior. And let me tell you something, it's been one hell of a roller coaster ride. Sure, there has been some times where she has annoyed me a lot but then there's just something about her that makes me happy and that's all you can really ask for. What makes you happy? If being single makes you happy, then be single. If being with someone makes you happy, then be with someone. I know those are easier said than done but I think it's as simple as that. If you wanted to be alone, you'd do things that'll keep you alone. If you wanted to be with someone, you'd go out and meet someone.

The funny thing is, I think we're all programmed to be with someone. I agree with NorCal in that you can definitely be in a relationship with someone you don't click with. I know from experience that me and my girlfriend didn't click right from the get go. Even if we didn't click, there was still that attraction, and that was enough for us to want to find out what can make us click as a couple. I hope that made sense lol.

Honestly, it's probably better if you don't click at first. Because if you click right away, you're taking the fun away from it. What I mean is that, you already know what the other likes and dislikes and all that. But if you don't click right away, that's your adventure, that's the thrill of it all. You discover new things about your partner and they discover new things about you. Whether they like those things or not will probably dictate if you stay a couple or not.

But overall, do what makes you happy. Never give up on love.

Yours truly, the love doctor, Jam.

I can honestly agree with this. I've had girls that I've clicked with straight away, only to found out their real personality later on, and yeah it does get boring if you're TOO similar.

I know I have plenty of time and I've still got LOADS of things I want to accomplish before settling down, but it's that mentality that you think you might be happier if you were in the opposite scenario, it works both ways too. I know guys that wished they lived it up but met girlfriends at a very young age.

 

[Dirk]

Being single is easier, for sure, but I don't find it as fun. Statistically, you're bound to find somebody who'll want a long-term relationship with you, so don't worry about dying alone.

I'm single right now and for the most part I enjoy it. I like being able to do what I want to do and not have to deal with someone bothering me about it.

On the flip side I do miss having someone to hold on to and sit up for hours talking about the most random stuff and the most important stuff. Someone who isn't just someone I want to "sleep with" but someone I want to sleep with and wake up next to them in the morning. Someone I can share life with.

When I was a frat-boy (many moons ago), a lot of the guys' girlfriends were just that... somebody to "sleep with". Some flat-out told me that they're just holding onto them until somebody better comes along.

Some of my girl friends also drift from one destructive relationship to the next, because they say it's better than being single.

If you meet someone and you feel like you don't want a relationship then let them know that up front. Don't toy with someone's emotions. Don't fake it.

This is very true, but it goes the other way around too. If it becomes clear that somebody is stringing you along because that's the status quo, it's better to end it. Getting stuck in chicksand is terrible and it's better to have "the conversation".

 

[Mighty NorCal]

How mature of you.



Some guys would disagree, some need that constant validation and satisfaction that comes with being with a woman. Sounds stupid, but that's the real world for ya.

PLays a primary role in me saying its stupid.


and yes, the grass always DOES seem greener, like I said in the first part of my post.

By the time I met my wife, I was SICK TO DEATH of having sex with 1-2 girls a month, and the upheaval and constant crap that brought me....and was IMMEANSELY disappointed every time one of those encounters did not develop into something more (the rare times i felt one of them had potential, I mean)

After you are in a relationship for a while though, undoubtedly you will begin to miss the freedoms and fun of a single life.

Like I said....its human nature to miss or want aspects of the other side of the coin. This is why relationships have such immense amounts of infidelity more often than not.

 

[Dagger Dias]

It depends on what makes you personally happy as well as the stability of the relationship, if you are in one.

Some people dream of finding that special someone who they fall in love with and share the rest of their life with. Others aren't a fan of being in a serious relationship and therefore might prefer the routes of friends with benefits, one night stands, or even open relationships. Then you have those who just want to be single and do not desire companionship. If you want a significant other to support you and love you, there is nothing wrong with having that desire. The loneliness you might feel when not in a relationship is terrible and a very difficult thing to deal with, but there are far worse things than that in life, such as being in an unhealthy relationship.

A serious relationship whether you are dating, engaged, or married needs trust and stability (not just mutual love for each other) above all else in order to work. If you cannot trust the other, why be with them? If someone is in a relationship where they are abused or cheated on, then that person is better off being single. An unhealthy relationship can ruin someone's life because the instability of the relationship eventually spills into every other aspect of your life which can turn into a colossal mess, whereas with being single you're much better off. The lucky few who find the love of their life and are in a healthy marriage with them are the best off. Then those who are in a healthy, stable, serious relationship who are still getting to know each other. Then those who date around. Then the single ones who are not single by choice. Last we have those who are in unhealthy relationships. The latter is a fate I would not wish on my worst enemies. It's awful and I've seen what it can do to someone emotionally to those who try to save a failing relationship, it doesn't always work out and when it doesn't it's not pretty.

Those single by choice I leave unranked as it depends on where they are in their life, they might have left an unhealthy relationship and are trying to figure out what they want from future significant others. If they are purposefully not pursuing any dates then they are better off single. Anyone in that position should not date again at all until they feel they are ready to. It's not worth it and could lead to yet another difficult split, which wouldn't be fair to either person involved. As for those who are single by choice but not due to unhealthy previous relationships, there's nothing wrong with you not seeking companionship. Do what makes you happy.

So, the shorter version is it's better to be taken but only if you are taken by someone who loves you just as much as you love them in a healthy and stable relationship. Otherwise, you're better off dating around or being single.

 

[Poop Master Flex]

In my experience its best to be single until you've found someone that you truly want to be with. What I mean by that is nothing sucks more than being in a relationship with a person you don't have any chemistry with and don't love. There will be girls you date that will go from "I really like this girl" to "I can't stand this person" over time and when you hit the latter feeling its no question better to be single.

My dad is the type who always wants a relationship, often going to great lengths to be in one but he seemed a lot happier when he was single until he met his current wife. Although some people feel they need a relationship at the end of the day they really don't, if you aren't happy by yourself then you will never truly be happy in a relationship and once you are OK with being single and can accept that then the answer to your question will be much clearer. If your partner enhances your life and happiness then be with them if you can, if they make life harder and more miserable then you are much better off without them.

Its natural to think the other side is only brighter but more often than not in relationships that's just not the case, it takes time to find the right person but it shouldn't be forced, just let it happen naturally. Until then though, have fun being single and enjoy the certain freedoms that being single carries.

 

[GeneralKarim]

For me personally I have never been the needy type. That's just me. I've had very few girlfriends up until my current age of 25 ( 2 to be exact ) and emotionally speaking, I just don't feel it. It's not the fact that I have my freedoms and shit, sure that's nice but really inside in my heart, in my gut, I just don't feel that need that society forces upon us to constantly be with someone or you are a loser or smth.

I have friends that constantly cheat on their girlfriends and go through a lot of girls. And I find that sad as fuck as because of that they have so much drama in their life, and they seem to like it, which is completely fine because I am not them so I don't know how much they like it when drama happens.

But what I do know is that I 100% hate any kind of drama in my life. I've been through enough dramas ( not very many but enough for me personally ). I also feel like I'm very picky and I don't even search. If I meet someone wether she is a love interest or not I'm a funny out going guy who also likes his alone time so I cant really be defined easily, imo at least. And if I feel like the other person isn't feeling me, it's ok but I'm not gonna turn into this dude that tries to get validation from her and all of sudden tries to make her want me and accept me or worse, change for her.

I know the perfect woman doesn't exist, but I also don't feel the need to be with chicks that all they want is to go to clubs and shit. That's not for me, never was never will. It is 2014 and with all the hollywood stars and the studs, most girls are enfatuated by "badboys" now. I'm just a funny, pretty calm, chill, and most importantly ( for me anyways ) safe guy. I like computer games a lot, gaming has been huge part of my life, but I also like a lot of sports and hiking and shit. And until someone finds that attractive I won't "lower" myself to try and be like society dictates.

I feel like if someone doesn't sense the urge to be with someone, they shouldn't try to force relationships. My friends can't be alone ( and even my sister ) for 1 second without feeling like some weird/loner/depressed dude/girl. Which, again, I find very sad. I just feel it's crazy not to love yourself enough to enjoy your own company. Nobody said to enjoy your own company and only yours forever, but damnit, take some time off from all that dating that usually doesnt go nowhere and causes more drama than needed and for what? for some pussy? No thanks.

I never for the life of me understood why people put pussy on a pedestal. I used to put it back when I was in highschool but as I grow older, other stuff seems way more important. Like my health, like my habits and hobbies. Like my morning coffee/black tea on a tuesday when I get to download RAW and watch it and enjoy my myself.
Like finding out stuff, deep stuff, about myself, getting in touch really with MYSELF, with my gut, with my heart. Learning some new skills and all that.

And if along the way I meet someone, I'm not backing down if I like them. I'll do the best I can do with my average abilities to be myself and if we click we click if we don't then we don't, girl bye!), or boy bye from her pov.

It's a real shame society puts so much pressure on guys to be in relationships constantly or just have a lot of ass under your belt. And us "loners" are cast aside like some weird experiments that failed or smth.

25 now and basically everybody around me that is my age or 2years older are married with people I wouldn't marry if you would hold a gun to my head. Like seriously, a guy wants to marry a girl who cheated on her boyfriend with him while they were all 3 sleeping in the same bed together ( they had a sleepover and there wasn't that much space so they just slept all 3, no biggie right? Besides the fact she started rubbing this dude I'm talking about and shit). I have other examples of people in my life that are making very wrong decisions in their dating lives but I wont bore you with them.

Sorry for the long winded post, but I could talk about shit like this all day I just dont have anyone to talk to. I am blessed to have a best friend from 1st grade but we can't talk stuff like because he's basically the complete opposite of me in regards to dating. I have other friends but none have my views and they are usually not really the conversation type.

 

[Blade]

I was single for a year because I am pretty picky when it comes to girls. And that's because I wasn't picky enough during my teenage years and had some bad relationships as a result. Right now I'm with a girl who's perfect for me at this point in my life. We love spending time together, but we're both also completely independent. I'm in the early stages of my writing career, and she's studying medicine in college. Those things come first, not the relationship. We both have an understanding based around these priorities, and the relationship is really great as a result. We rarely fight.

Being single and sleeping around is fun for a time. But I do prefer to have someone to cuddle with on the couch in the evenings. It's nice, and it's always there, and it lasts longer than any one night stand.

Not being in a relationship because you enjoy doing what you want is a really lame excuse. Or you just don't understand what a good relationship should be. I mean, I'm in a relationship, and I can do what I want short of sleeping with other women.

It's good to have high standards, as long as they're not too high. You just got figure out the right balance of pickiness and compromise.

 

[Loveless]

Given that I'm recently out of a long-term relationship and it ended with extreme viciousness, you might expect that I'd be anti-relationship but nothing could be further from the truth.
A good relationship where both people are happy is one of the best things you can do with your life, it makes everything else easier because it puts things into perspective. On the other hand, a bad relationship will run like a poison through everything you touch until you want to kill yourself and everyone around you.
Personally speaking, I can't do the single life of sleeping around and all that bollocks, it's too empty for me to gain any kind of happiness from, so I'll take celibacy, recover from recent events and start looking again somewhere down the line.

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

Which one you prefer depends on both age and experience. I am extremely happy with my current situation and I doubt that I will ever foresee a future that has me breaking the bonds of matrimony so that I can get my dick wet elsewhere. Mind you, when my wife isn't around, I look at woman all the time and think about what it would be like to see them naked, but this is only human nature and I have no feeling of remorse when I do this because I know that this is as far as it goes.

With all this being said, I knew I would have been a bitter cunt had I married someone at an EXTREMELY young age (before 25) and had I not had at least a few different sexual partners beforehand. Now, it is within the realm of possibility that people can get married young, only have sex with their spouse, and be happy for the rest of their lives, but I am unfortunately not one of these people (people that can do this deserve the utmost props). I have sowed my wild oats, so has my wife, and we are now not only capable of lifelong monogamy, but we readily embrace it.

 

[Mustang Sally]

I'm come to a point (and age) in my life where I simply don't know what I want, on one hand it'd be good to have a long term girlfriend and all that, but on the other hand, I'm fussy as hell and won't settle for just any woman.

Settling for someone is never a good idea, but at 22, you've got ample time to find "the one." It's an interesting paradox that we need to take time to truly know the person we're considering spending the rest of our lives with, yet taking too much time being together and trying to make up your minds can be counterproductive for yourself and your partner if you decide to not take it all the way. ("Shit! I wasted all these &%$#!'in years on nothin'? Shit!") Plus, the older you are and longer you've been on your own, the harder it is to incorporate another person into your way of living.

I didn't get married 'til 33, having spent a bunch of years with my one & only before taking the plunge. Actually, we were fully committed to each other even without the marriage certificate, but it was reassuring to know the relationship and love were here to stay.

Being single forever is fine for some folks, I'm certain.....but being "taken" brings a warmth and security that is unmatched by anything I've experienced.

As long as you fully know the person who's "taking" you.

 

[Aeon Mathix]

There is positives and negatives as others have pointed out. On one hand you have someone to wake up to everyday and you never feel alone, but sometimes you just want to be left alone.

With my wife I come home from work everyday and it's changing from being at work to being there for your wife when sometimes yeah I'll admit it I would like to come home take off my clothes pop a beer open and play playstation without a care in the world. It's not always the case though. I can remember times when being single I wanted that affection and love for someone and getting downright depressed about it.

It's best to just find a happy medium. If you are in a relationship, odds are your significant other wants time alone too. Like hey honey how about we go out with our own group of friends this weekend or hey do you mind if I go fishing or stay the night at a hotel somewhere just to clear my mind and be by myself?

Falling in love is great thing and is nice to think about being single, but if you at any point in your life were depressed because you didn't have someone, then you need to see what you have now and that you really don't want to go back to that place again. If a quick breather is all you desire, it's easy to just ask your wife, husband whatever for that space. Everybody needs it. None of us truely know what goes on in our minds except ourselves.

 

[#hamler]

In roughly 30 days, I will have been married to my highschool sweetheart for a whopping 2 years. Typically, young marriages are often looked down on. Conversations with older people often involve how young I was and they question what made me do it like it's some kind of huge risk that's doomed to fail. I typically fall into the category of a punk kid who didn't know what he was getting himself into when he got married. I legit had my doubts. But looking back, I'm totally glad I did. I loved her and wanted to spend every second with her. Even today, two years into marriage and five and a half years into our relationship, I still crave those moments when she walks through the door. Settling down at a young age has a bad rep that it doesn't deserve. We're at the point in our lives where we're still exploring and searching for what it is we want to do. I'd much rather share that with someone then do it all by my lonesome.

That shit's too scary.

Meeting someone young definitely has it's advantages but rushing into something serious too quickly is way worse than being single. It all depends on what you want out of life. Me, I'd much rather be with my significant other than without her. Knowing what you want out of life makes all the difference.

 

[Trance Metaphor]

I prefer being single. I've been in very short "relationships." Actually, I wouldn't even call them relationships. Okay, maybe just non-serious relationships. I've experienced far too many times two things that have turned me completely off; entitlement and demands. To top it off, trust is so hard to establish since I've experienced far too much unfaithfulness and can't believe in this idea that love comes before money. This has convinced me that I will never find someone compatible that will a) love/accept me for who I am b) exchange two-way support c) be faithful.