Bad Jokes Are Funnier Than Actual Jokes

[Milkyway!]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guys says "OK, now what?"

 

[The Butcher]

[youtube]dHS1tVInxXQ[/youtube]

I give that clip three snaps and a "whoa, Bundy!"

 

[Dirk]

I have two very similar, very bad jokes about a mean barman.

Spoiler

A hobo walks into a bar.
Hobo: "Excuse me, sir. Would you please spare me some bread?"
Barman: "What does this look like to you, a soup kitchen? Get out, I don't have any bread!"
A dejected hobo strolls out.

Next day, the hobo walks into the same bar.
Hobo: "Excuse me, sir. Would you please spare me some bread?"
Barman: "No, no, NO! I told you yesterday - I don't have any bread!"
The hobo walks out with his shoulders drooping.

The day after, the hobo walks into the bar.
Hobo: "Excuse me, sir. Would you please spare me some bread?"
Barman: "Look... I'm not telling you again. I. Do not. Keep bread. On the premises. If you ever come back here, I am going to take a staple-gun and staple your lips shut!"
The hobo takes a moment to consider this.
Hobo: "Excuse me, sir. Would you please spare me a few staples?"
Barman: "I don't have any at the moment."
Hobo: "Would you spare me some bread, then?"

Spoiler

A rabbit walks into a bar.
Rabbit: "Excuse me, sir. I would like to order a carrot."
Barman: "What does this look like to you, a petting zoo? Get out, I don't have any carrots!"
A dejected rabbit strolls out.

Next day, the rabbit walks into the same bar.
Rabbit: "Excuse me, sir. I would like to order a carrot."
Barman: "No, no, NO! I told you yesterday - I don't have any carrots!"
The rabbit walks out with his shoulders drooping.

The day after, the rabbit walks into the bar.
Rabbit: "Excuse me, sir. I would like to order a carrot."
Barman: "Come here."
As the rabbit comes closer, the barman takes a big glass jug and smashes it onto the rabbit's mouth, breaking his two prominent teeth. The poor rabbit hops out, afraid and crying.

The following day, the rabbit walks into the bar. His fluffy face is badly smashed in.
Rabbit: "Excuse me, sir. I would like to order some carrot juice."