Flex Fitness Industries in Partnership with NBC Jive Present
The State of the Flex Address
We open on the large stage in the auditorium of Flex Fitness headquarters as journalists, reporters, fans, but mostly Flex Fitness employees congregate as the classic Queen song blares through the speakers. A large FlexAmerican flag hangs from the ceiling. Soon four buff and oily men wearing speedos with the King’s face on it carry out the newly crowned WZCW World Heavyweight champion
King Mussel as he sits atop his throne. He waves to the crowd as people furiously snap photos, as this is the first time the King has been seen in public since his historic win. He commands his subordinates to lower him on the center of the stage and he is soon joined by his lover and confidant
Svetlana (still wearing the face of Maximus to hide her identity) and his bodyguard and secretary of defense
Wasabi Toyota.
The trio approaches the podium where we get our best look at the King yet. On his right shoulder is the FlexAmerican Title, on the left is his weight lifting championship. And Svetlana seductively unbuttons his blazer revealing the WZCW World Heavyweight title wrapped around the King’s tight waist. He raises all his gold high into the air as Svetlana and Toyota strike fitness poses as camera flashes fill the room. Eventually the King motions for the crowd to quiet down and the music to be stopped as he begins the press conference.
Flex:
First and foremost, I just want to say you’re welcome! You’re welcome for being the fearless leader of this great organization. You’re welcome for inspiring you all to follow your dreams. But most importantly you’re welcome for bringing the greatest prize in all of wrestling to the great nation of FLEXAMERICA!!!!!
Employees and fans clap as reporters and journalists eagerly await the question portion of the press conference.
Flex:
However, I couldn’t have done this alone. I want to thank my amazing assistant Maximus, and my head of security and damn it I’m proud to say it my new best friend Wasabi Toyota!
The WZCW veteran wipes a tear from his eye as he and Flex share a hug on stage as Svetlana claps for them.
Flex:
But it’s not only my allies that deserve praise, it’s only fair that I thank the great warriors who I conquered at WZCW R-Awakening. And that’d be Eve Taylor and Tyrone Blades. Now Eve we haven’t seen eye to eye in a very long time and we might never again. But just know that you are one of the very best WZCW has to offer, but I’m just that much better, because I beat you. And Tyrone, if it wasn’t for you being the legend that you are I may have never stepped up my game, and for that I’ll always be grateful. But know that you can take your ball and go home, because we don’t need sore losers, and without you WZCW will continue to prosper, under the reign of its humanitarian King!
The King poses once again but he continues to receive diminishing returns on applause. Svetlana notices this and nudges him to continue on.
Flex:
Now that the festivities are dying down it’s time address the future, the future of WZCW, and most importantly the future of FlexAmerica. So please, loyal subjects, ask your concerns and allow yourself to be soothed by the wisdom of your majesty.
Almost every hand in the room darts up in the air. Svetlana looks around carefully deciding on who to call on. She eventually picks a heavier set fan with a neckbeard wearing a Flex t-shirt. The fan smiles but quickly rips off his and body revealing WZCW interviewer
Stacy Madison who was masquerading in a fat suit, much to the dismay of Flex.
Stacy:
So Flex, how do you respond to allegations that you’re collaborating with Communist Russia?
Flex and Svetlana:
I’m sorry what?!
Stacy:
There have been reports that you’ve rekindled your affair with escaped Russian fugitive Svetlana and that she is working for your company. Do you care to comment on said reports?
Flex:
Lies, just like most things printed on WZCW.com
Stacy:
Interesting, well how about the rumors of you burning down a Flex Fitness facility to get insurance money and destroy any trace of your fitness records being broken?
Flex:
Once again that is a-
Stacy:
Lie, of course. Well let’s get to some truths. How does it feel to be a World champion and just barely crack the list of relevant wrestlers in WZCW?
A large “ooooooooooooo” echoes throughout the crowd as the buff cheeks of Flex become red in embarrassment.
Svetlana:
Only one question per-
Flex:
It’s alright Svet-I mean Maximus. You know if you wanted a solo interview you could have just asked Stacy.
Stacy:
Don’t pretend like you haven’t avoided all my calls. Now answer the question.
Flex:
Well you’re right Stacy, WZCW.com has released the Splendid Seven and it seems me winning the World title just wasn’t enough to bump me up on the list. But let me say some truths, and that’s that I don’t give a damn about your lists. I don’t give a damn about the past I only care about the present, and that’s the fact that despite whatever keyboard warriors think “did the best” last cycle I am the most important thing coming out of the last PPV and I am the key player to making sure this company doesn’t crumble. Now that I’ve attained the World title it’s time to focus on Making WZCW Great Again!
The crowd cheers as Stacy shakes her head with a grin of her face, locking eyes with the champ. Svetlana looks to call on another reporter but the King wants to continue his verbal battle with the ace interviewer, the title has made him cocky.
Flex:
I’ve actually got a question for you Stacy.
Stacy:
Oh really?
Flex:
What it is going to take for worthless headline chasers such as yourself to respect me? Because despite winning the world title all I hear from people like you is excuses, but ignoring my massive accomplishment. Instead of being the main event of Meltdown I’m regulated to Ascension. Me! I should be on both shows, I should main event both shows! And no disrespect to my upcoming opponent Mikey Stormrage but you should want better for yourself. After all now that you’ve won the Elite Championship you’re practically the most decorated athlete in the company.
The King begins to clap at the statement and encourages the rest of the audience to as well.
Flex:
Going off that I’d like to speak to Mikey for a second, you see a lot of people would expect me to absolutely hate your existence. With you being a fat slob, your indulgence in immature hijinks, and your love and representation of unhealthy fast food you’re the archetype for everything that’s wrong with our great country. However, without you I could never existence. I mean who needs cops if there’s no criminals, who needs a dentist without cavities, and what is a savior without someone to save? You see Mikey I’m envious of you, you’ve been able to accomplish just about every goal in WZCW by being the same fat loser you were when you joined, me on the other hand has had to evolve, adapt, and work harder than anyone just to get a taste of that success. How the citizens of FlexAmerica feel about me is how I imagine virgins with neck-beards around the world feel about you. You represent the unhealthy and I’m so glad that we get to face one another on Ascension, because the good people of FlexAmerica need to know that someone who works to better themselves will always beat someone who just accepts their own flaw.. But what makes me even happier is that I don’t have to face you alone, I get to team with a legend.
The monsieur of muscle motions for Wasabi Toyota to take his place at the podium. Stacy has exited the auditorium at this point as she realizes Flex has no intention of talking to her again.
Toyota:
I haven’t wrestled a match in WZCW in years, but thanks to King Mussel, I have been given a second chance carve out a legacy for myself. And I’m not going to let that opportunity slip through my fingers because of the likes of you Mikey Stormrage. You think you're the best big man of all time?! Not a chance!! You think you're the best tag team competitor of all time? You must've lost some brain cells in all that taco bell! What you know about Brothers in Arms? What you know about Pride of Toyota?! I’m the best “big” man in WZCW history and it’s time I prove that! Hail Flex! Flex Power!!
Toyota continues his chants as Flex retakes his position on the podium.
Flex:
You have a mystery partner Mikey so the element of surprise is in your favor but I do not care. You can bring Live Mas, you can bring Strikeforce, hell you can bring all of the Swag Pack to get their asses whooped because you are going to be standing across from two men who are tag team specialists. With multiple title reigns to each of our names, and while you may have the most tag team title reigns of all time, I’m the leader of the greatest and longest reigning tag team of all time. Whoever I assemble together, we win, simple as that. So this last message goes out to everyone, know that FlexAmerica is growing bigger everyday, join us or be left in the dust!
The head trio of FlexAmerica makes their exit from the auditorium as reports in attendance are frustrated they never got to ask questions. Once they reach the backstage area they are greeted by WZCW superstar Keith Kole, much to the surprise of King Mussel.
Svetlana:
There’s strength in numbers Flex, and it’s time we begun stacking the deck.
Flex and Keith share a devious smile as Toyota rubs his hands together. All four individuals make their way into a private room to discuss their devious plans.
