Ascension 1 - Murfish vs Criminal Karnage
- Thread starter Harthan
- Start date
- Status
As the promo begins, Stacey Madison is seen standing outside of a busy McDonalds fast food shop. She looks very confused and somewhat angry. The scene is noisy and people are clamouring to get past her.
I’m here at a McDonalds restaurant by request of one of the stars of WZCW, Criminal Karnage. I honestly have no idea why the Hell I am here and more to the point, I have no idea where Karnage is.
Stacey turns around to look at the restaurant as the huge physique of Karnage comes out of the door clutching about 40 bags of food. Stacey turns back towards the camera with a very confused look on her face.
What the Hell is he doing!?
Stacey marches up the path and eventually reaches Karnage.
What on Earth are you doing Karnage?
Karnage stops and looks at Stacey with a look of amazement and bewilderment on his face, his mouth dropping to the floor.
…Who the Hell are you?
Stacey brushes the hair out of her face and steadies herself.
I am WZCW newest interviewers, I am Stacey Madison.
Oh! OK. I thought I had asked for Becky to come and interview me! Ah, no matter you’ll do just fine. Here! Have a Happy Meal, I’ve seen more meat on a butcher’s apron. You need that more than me.
How dare you!
Calm down skinny! We all have our downfalls. You are as thin as a needle and I manage to lose against two superstars that I promised I would beat. You see, Sharon… is it?
Stacey!
Oh right, Stacey. You see Stacey, we all have our flaws. The thing that makes you who you are though is how you bounce back from those loses. I lost to two guys who I really should have beat, no harm in that really. However, I am trying to make amends for my earlier flaw.
By handing out burgers!?
… Not just burgers, chicken nuggets too. I am embracing my heritage. You know 1 out of every 4 Scottish men are Obese? The point is Sharon, I am trying to turn over a new leaf here. I am trying to become a better person. Don’t you see Stephanie? I am trying to…
Karnage stops suddenly and raises his chin slightly, seemingly listening to the air but stuffing chips into his mouth at a rapid pace. With a full mouth Karnage begins to speak once more.
frrrmf frmmrf frmmfr.
Karnage spits out the chips the chips that occupy his mouth.
Sorry! My mother says you should eat something. She says that you are so skinny that you could probably dodge the rain drops…
Stacey looks astonished and quite upset by the claims.
The point is though Sarah, I am trying to be better. If that means handing out Whoppers, then OK. My mother says that people love fast food and that if I want them to cheer for me; all I have to do is fed them. Nevertheless, my time to make things right will come up at the very first Ascension. Who is my opponent Sandra?
Stacey huffs but decides to continue on without raising the issue to Karnage.
Murfish! Your opponent is Murfish!
Hmmm… Is that the guy who was teaming with the woman but the woman is actually much better than he is? Hmmm… That could be good. I haven’t seen a lot of the guy though; doesn’t he wear a Speedo to the ring every time?
Stacey nods.
No wonder I haven’t seen a lot of him. To be quite honest, when I look at him, I wish I had seen less of him, if you know what I mean? Ah, you won’t get it. You’re blonde. No matter, that one was Karnage anyway. You don’t worry your pretty little head about it. It should be a good match. It is my time to make amends though. This guy is pretty strong as I recall a big guy. Well, he’s gonna have a problem intimidating me. I mean, look at me! I rock! I buy Mickie D’s for homeless people and what does he do? He pretends to be a doctor.
Karnage shakes his head slowly with a look of disappointment on his face.
Trying that desperately to get people to like you is a little but Pathetic, wouldn’t you say so Samantha?
Stacey looks infuriated and hits Karnage with a tongue lashing.
It’s Stacey, you idiot! S-T-A-C-E-Y. Stacey! I don’t even know what you are talking about anyway, you’re the exact same as he is. You are always trying to get people to like you. Why else would you be handing out Chicken Nuggets to homeless people? If he’s pathetic what does that make you? … Keith
Karnage looks hurt and is fighting back the tears.
You know Cheryl, calling people by the wrong name is very hurtful and mean. I expected more from you. But really, you’re just a meanie.
You were right Mother. She is a Bitch!
Karnage walks away quickly and Stacey drops her arms to her side. Her jaw is dropped in amazement and disbelief. She puts on hand on her stomach and lets out a sigh. Opens a bag of fast food and aggressively begins to eat a burger.
I’m here at a McDonalds restaurant by request of one of the stars of WZCW, Criminal Karnage. I honestly have no idea why the Hell I am here and more to the point, I have no idea where Karnage is.
Stacey turns around to look at the restaurant as the huge physique of Karnage comes out of the door clutching about 40 bags of food. Stacey turns back towards the camera with a very confused look on her face.
What the Hell is he doing!?
Stacey marches up the path and eventually reaches Karnage.
What on Earth are you doing Karnage?
Karnage stops and looks at Stacey with a look of amazement and bewilderment on his face, his mouth dropping to the floor.
…Who the Hell are you?
Stacey brushes the hair out of her face and steadies herself.
I am WZCW newest interviewers, I am Stacey Madison.
Oh! OK. I thought I had asked for Becky to come and interview me! Ah, no matter you’ll do just fine. Here! Have a Happy Meal, I’ve seen more meat on a butcher’s apron. You need that more than me.
How dare you!
Calm down skinny! We all have our downfalls. You are as thin as a needle and I manage to lose against two superstars that I promised I would beat. You see, Sharon… is it?
Stacey!
Oh right, Stacey. You see Stacey, we all have our flaws. The thing that makes you who you are though is how you bounce back from those loses. I lost to two guys who I really should have beat, no harm in that really. However, I am trying to make amends for my earlier flaw.
By handing out burgers!?
… Not just burgers, chicken nuggets too. I am embracing my heritage. You know 1 out of every 4 Scottish men are Obese? The point is Sharon, I am trying to turn over a new leaf here. I am trying to become a better person. Don’t you see Stephanie? I am trying to…
Karnage stops suddenly and raises his chin slightly, seemingly listening to the air but stuffing chips into his mouth at a rapid pace. With a full mouth Karnage begins to speak once more.
frrrmf frmmrf frmmfr.
Karnage spits out the chips the chips that occupy his mouth.
Sorry! My mother says you should eat something. She says that you are so skinny that you could probably dodge the rain drops…
Stacey looks astonished and quite upset by the claims.
The point is though Sarah, I am trying to be better. If that means handing out Whoppers, then OK. My mother says that people love fast food and that if I want them to cheer for me; all I have to do is fed them. Nevertheless, my time to make things right will come up at the very first Ascension. Who is my opponent Sandra?
Stacey huffs but decides to continue on without raising the issue to Karnage.
Murfish! Your opponent is Murfish!
Hmmm… Is that the guy who was teaming with the woman but the woman is actually much better than he is? Hmmm… That could be good. I haven’t seen a lot of the guy though; doesn’t he wear a Speedo to the ring every time?
Stacey nods.
No wonder I haven’t seen a lot of him. To be quite honest, when I look at him, I wish I had seen less of him, if you know what I mean? Ah, you won’t get it. You’re blonde. No matter, that one was Karnage anyway. You don’t worry your pretty little head about it. It should be a good match. It is my time to make amends though. This guy is pretty strong as I recall a big guy. Well, he’s gonna have a problem intimidating me. I mean, look at me! I rock! I buy Mickie D’s for homeless people and what does he do? He pretends to be a doctor.
Karnage shakes his head slowly with a look of disappointment on his face.
Trying that desperately to get people to like you is a little but Pathetic, wouldn’t you say so Samantha?
Stacey looks infuriated and hits Karnage with a tongue lashing.
It’s Stacey, you idiot! S-T-A-C-E-Y. Stacey! I don’t even know what you are talking about anyway, you’re the exact same as he is. You are always trying to get people to like you. Why else would you be handing out Chicken Nuggets to homeless people? If he’s pathetic what does that make you? … Keith
Karnage looks hurt and is fighting back the tears.
You know Cheryl, calling people by the wrong name is very hurtful and mean. I expected more from you. But really, you’re just a meanie.
You were right Mother. She is a Bitch!
Karnage walks away quickly and Stacey drops her arms to her side. Her jaw is dropped in amazement and disbelief. She puts on hand on her stomach and lets out a sigh. Opens a bag of fast food and aggressively begins to eat a burger.
Murfish: I dont care what they say.
No.
No.
Shut up.
Ive earned a larger contract. Everyone loves me now. Sick people love me for curing their diseases. Tweakers love for giving them dope. Im reaching into untapped demographics here. Throw me a fucking bone.
Oh yeah? Well cry me a river. Its not MY fault Im in the under card.
Karnage is my opponent now? Well uh Id say something, but I actually cant remember who he is. He part of a help the homeless initiative or something? Lets leave wrestling to the wrestlers.
New subject, Brian. I dont pay you to make sarcastic remarks. Now if the numbers on my new contract dont fall in line with what I want to see, were going to have a problem.
Yeah, whatever. Bye, Kenny.
Murfish slams his phone into the receiver. He sighs as he reclines in his classic wingback chair. A golden lab walks into the room.
Buddy: Bow-wow.
Murfish: I know, Maxwell. I really shouldnt treat Curtis like that, but he really hasnt been impressing me as of late.
Buddy: Woof.
Murfish: And Karnage, Im sorry about that. I shouldnt have implied that he isnt a wrestler. He is, and Ill admit that. Just not a very good one OHHH. High five.
Buddy: Ruufff.
Murfish: Im tired of this.
The door bell rings.
Murfish: I ought to get that.
Murfish makes the five minute trek to his foyer. He opens the door to see a middle aged woman.
Murfish: What?
Betsy: Well. . .
I lost my dog, Buddy. Hes a golden lab. Have you seen him around?
Murfish: No
Sue: I guess Ill go then.
Murfish furrows his brow.
Murfish: Wait. I think I can find him.
Murfish slams the door shut on a startled middle age woman. Ten minutes later Murfish opens the door with Buddy under his left arm. The dog is whimpering in slight pain.
Murfish: Take him.
Anne: But where did you find him?
Murfish: Keep better track of your dog.
Murfish places the dog on the floor and pushes it out of the door. Murfish then slams the door on a once again shocked middle age woman.
Murfish makes the five minute trip back to his library.
Murfish: Whats next?
No.
No.
Shut up.
Ive earned a larger contract. Everyone loves me now. Sick people love me for curing their diseases. Tweakers love for giving them dope. Im reaching into untapped demographics here. Throw me a fucking bone.
Oh yeah? Well cry me a river. Its not MY fault Im in the under card.
Karnage is my opponent now? Well uh Id say something, but I actually cant remember who he is. He part of a help the homeless initiative or something? Lets leave wrestling to the wrestlers.
New subject, Brian. I dont pay you to make sarcastic remarks. Now if the numbers on my new contract dont fall in line with what I want to see, were going to have a problem.
Yeah, whatever. Bye, Kenny.
Murfish slams his phone into the receiver. He sighs as he reclines in his classic wingback chair. A golden lab walks into the room.
Buddy: Bow-wow.
Murfish: I know, Maxwell. I really shouldnt treat Curtis like that, but he really hasnt been impressing me as of late.
Buddy: Woof.
Murfish: And Karnage, Im sorry about that. I shouldnt have implied that he isnt a wrestler. He is, and Ill admit that. Just not a very good one OHHH. High five.
Buddy: Ruufff.
Murfish: Im tired of this.
The door bell rings.
Murfish: I ought to get that.
Murfish makes the five minute trek to his foyer. He opens the door to see a middle aged woman.
Murfish: What?
Betsy: Well. . .
I lost my dog, Buddy. Hes a golden lab. Have you seen him around?
Murfish: No
Sue: I guess Ill go then.
Murfish furrows his brow.
Murfish: Wait. I think I can find him.
Murfish slams the door shut on a startled middle age woman. Ten minutes later Murfish opens the door with Buddy under his left arm. The dog is whimpering in slight pain.
Murfish: Take him.
Anne: But where did you find him?
Murfish: Keep better track of your dog.
Murfish places the dog on the floor and pushes it out of the door. Murfish then slams the door on a once again shocked middle age woman.
Murfish makes the five minute trip back to his library.
Murfish: Whats next?
Fin
- Status
