When I heard the bell ring, and felt my arm not being raised in victory, I knew that I was in for some deep trouble. The voices began whispering again, threatening to make me destroy myself completely if I didn't do exactly as they said.
To be honest, I was getting scared. But even on the nights when the voices were their loudest, there was always the one in the back, cheering me on.
It'll be okay Izzy. You haven't lost everyone.
That was the most recent comment I heard. When I lifted my head, I saw my phone was ringing and was shocked to find it was Sam. I answered the call and found my voice was weak again.
Sam?
Izzy! Oh God, you sound awful! Are you okay? I saw the show and you looked so sick, what's happening?
The voices stepped back for a minute and I remembered the last time I saw Sam.
She and Justin left without fighting. They unknowingly left me to the voices and the beast.
I'm losing it Sam. It's worse this time, there's voices and they're loud and...
My voice cracked slightly and silence overcame us both. Sam had never seen nor heard me cry before, and I'm not that good of a faker.
I'm on my way.
The phone clicks dead and suddenly my head is filled with the voices screaming.
YOU STUPID FOOL.
YOU THINK WE ARE EASILY DISPLACED?
THAT WE CAN BE SHOVED FROM MEMORY AND THOUGHT?
NOW YOU WILL SEE OUR POWER.
I fell to my knees as my head pounded with images from my past. My father pushing me to tears, my mother walking out, losing fights, nearly breaking my neck, Justin walking out without a backward glance...
These images continued until I finally heard my cheerleading voice.
It's okay Izzy. You can fight them. Come on! Fight!
Stop, please...
Begging, is that what I was lowered to? I thought back on my life. God I was a bitch. And why? Because I had a shit childhood? I had so much now, more than I had then. I had found a man who loved me despite the bitchiness, a best friend who couldn't seem to not check on me and a friend who always gave me incredible matches.
And I didn't deserve a single one.
Well. At least Isabel Stone didn't.
Izzy Stone however needed a chance, right?
As I dragged myself to my knees I made a decision. The decision that becomes so hard to make that few ever pull it off. I decided to walk Obsession to the cliff and shove him off it, making him release me at the same time. The velvet box Justin had left behind was still there, waiting to be opened, waiting for a future. Not that I would make it that easy for him, but I didn't want to spend the rest of my life without him. The voices were still going but a new strength came over me and I straightened my back and went into the bathroom, grabbing a pair of scissors.
I am not Isabel anymore.
Snip.
I am not obsessed with winning anymore.
Snip.
I will not ignore my family anymore.
Snip.
I am no longer your slave.
Snip.
I. Am not. WEAK.
As the scissors fell from my hand, the voices stopped, finally, filling my head with peace. Sam ran in some amount of time later and our eyes met in the mirror. She studied the shorter hair and how it cupped under my chin, framing my face. I gave her a weak smile and ran my fingers thru my hair.
I'm ready to start over now. I want to be better.
I know you do. And you will.