AS56: Mr. Baller vs. Triple X vs. Justin Cooper vs. Mister Alhazred

[Viola Moonlight]

Elimination Rules - Stipulations Explained Below:​

The second and last round of the Elite X League features a Fatal Four Way contest where the man who has the most points by the end of the match will become the number one contender for the Elite X title, facing Sam Smith at Unscripted. This works under elimination rules whereby a pinfall or submission will result in the losing competitor being eliminated from the match. For the person who eliminates a competitor, they will receive one point to their name.

Thus far, Mr. Baller & Triple X have 1 point each whilst Justin Cooper & Mister Alhazred have 0.

Deadline is 11:59pm Central Time, Wednesday 28th November. Extensions as per thread.​

 

[BK Styles]

Rachel: Steady!

Frank: Watch the step.

Rachel: Be careful, don’t put weight on it.

Triple X is helped through his front door by Frank, with his mother Rachel following behind. He is wearing a WZCW t-shirt and a pair of baggy shorts, with a knee brace on his right knee. Frank has hold of one arm, while X has a crutch in the other.

X: Guys, I’m fine; I can manage.

Rachel: No, you need to rest-

X: -and I’m perfectly capable of resting, thanks.

Rachel: Oh yeah, and the last time you said that you went running.

X: The doctor said a light jog was fine-

Rachel: -it was a half marathon!

X:(under his breath)…actually it was a full marathon…

They enter the living room and X sits down on the sofa. Frank drags a coffee table over and puts X’s let onto it, elevating it further with a cushion.

X: Guys, you heard the doctor. A week of rest and it should be fine. He even said I won’t miss the next set of shows.

Rachel: Xander, don’t you think-

X: -don’t even suggest it.

Frank: But maybe it’s for the-

X: -no. Absolutely not. I can’t miss the next show. There’s no reason for me to miss it. The doctor said-

Rachel: -that you need to take it easy for a week, so you can let the swelling go down. Meaning no running, no jumping, no kicking your punch bag, no climbing. And he told you to be easy with your back for a few days. Meaning you’ll miss out on the best part of a week’s worth of training.

Frank: X, your mother’s right. Maybe it is best-

X: -not gonna happen. It’s the next round of the Elite X league. Baller and I are tied, so a good performance-

Frank: -means nothing if you can’t walk.

X: Oh please…

Rachel: Xander, sweetheart, please just listen to us. It’s been a while since you’ve had an accident like this-

X: -accident!!! Cooper assaulted me with a ladder, I’d hardly call that an accident. It’s not like I went and caused this myself!

Rachel: Well it’s your choice to work in that unsafe environment.

X looks at his mother in the eye for the first time.

X: So we’re back to this. I thought you were finally cool with it?

Rachel: I am, I just-

X: (to Frank) Is this you??? Telling her how I crash and burn on a regular basis?

Frank: I haven’t said-

X: Because he’s right, mom. I go out there and I put my body on the line. It’s what I get paid for. That, and...oh yeah, I love doing it. I jump off the top rope, sometimes I land badly and end up being a little beaten up. This week is just a bad case, but I’ve been worse off in Japan, without you two looking over me. And you know what? I’ve been fine. No drugs, no drink, not even any pain relief! So if you’re concerned about that then don’t be. I’m not going off the rails.

Frank: We just want-

X: -to what? Control my life? Damn fine job you’re doing.

Frank and Rachel both stand there, like first-time parents trying to convince a 5-year old to brush his teeth.

Rachel: Fine. Your choice.

With that, she exits, leaving Frank staring at X, who’s almost in full sulk-mode.

Frank: Nice one, Xander.

X: You know where the door is.

Frank: We just want to make sure you’re okay.

X: Then start listening for Christ’s sake. I’ve told you time and again; you just don’t want to believe it.

Frank: It isn’t that I don’t want to-

X: Then WHAT???

Frank: I just don’t. It’s written all over your face.

Xander stares at Frank; his eyes burning a hole through the man he looks up to as a mentor.

X: As I said, you know where the door is.

Frank: Sometimes, Xander, you need to grow up.

X: And you need to keep your nose out of my life.

He stands there for a moment, before finally relenting, leaving the apartment with a slam. X remains leaning forward, looking towards the corridor, staring blankly with no focus.

It’s no use. Even after all his time, they still don’t trust my judgement. I mean, fair enough, who would trust the judgement of an ex-addict/alcoholic. But even after all this time, everything I’ve done…my own mother doesn’t trust me. And Frank; the guy who stood up for me, who had my back when mom and dad wouldn’t hear of it, can’t bring himself to believe me.

He’s right about one thing though. I’m not okay. The injuries by Cooper will heal, they aren’t the problem. He and mom not trusting me, whilst incredibly annoying, aren’t my main problem. My dreams are getting worse. Every time I close my eyes, or have the slightest lapse of concentration, she’s right there. Abigail haunts my every moment of downtime, reminding me of my failures, as a man and as a human being. And no matter how much I tell myself I’m not that guy any more, it doesn’t stop me seeing her in the mirror. My mind insists on torturing me with instant replays of moments I’d care to forget. No, not forget. Just…things I’m not ready for I guess. Besides, I have enough on my plate without having to worry about my sanity. Or Mom and Frank’s ridiculous attitude.

X stands up and hobbles over to the window. It’s raining heavily outside.

Get a grip, Xander.



A Few Days Later…


It’s the afternoon, in a small high school gym in Phoenix; the host of an independent wrestling company for the day. A ring is in the middle of being set up, and there are pockets of people standing around, chatting. Two are in the ring; a man of about X’s height with a shaved head, and a large, unathletic-looking fellow in a sleeveless shirt and baggy shorts. X smiles, and walks up to the ring apron.

X: Hey Redfield! You gonna tell me when you’re back in town, or do I need to stalk your Twitter?

Red looks up immediately, and a smile grows quickly across his face.

Ultimate Red…or David Redfield, as I know him. An incredibly talented British wrestler. My first match in Japan was against him, and from that moment we became good friends. He was just starting out, where as I’d been wrestling for a few years by that point. I’m not sure what it was; maybe the shared experience of two guys a long way from home, but we connected. I was the jumped-up cocky high flier, and he was the technically gifted brawler from London. And we tore through the competition. When I got the call from WZCW, he was the first guy who found out, and the first to congratulate me. But where I made the jump, he stayed, and had since returned to the small independent shows. Regardless of whether it’s right or not, I’ve always had a tinge of regret that he didn’t make the cut, while I did. It felt like I was leaving a brother at home, when I should have been taking him with me…

Red: You cheeky prick. I've tweeted you loads of times.

X: Is now a bad time to admit I hardly check it?

Red drops out of the ring and gives X what can only be described as a bear hug.

X: Easy, easy! Bad back, baaad back!

Red quickly lets go.

Red: Sorry. I knew that, saw the match. Got a bit excited.

X: No problem. It’s just a little sore anyway, pretty much fine now. The knee’s better too. Just a bit of swelling, mostly gone now. I’ll be fine for the next match.

Red: Good to hear. So how’s things, mate?

X: Yeah, they’re…good.

Red: You haven’t changed a bit, Xander.

X: In what way.

Red: You’re still shite at lying.

X laughs.

X: Thanks for that.

Red: You know me. Always honest.

X: One of your finer qualities.

Red: What, better than my charming disposition?

X: You have no charming disposition.

Red laughs, and motions to the chairs at ringside, as they both sit down.

Red: So what brings a big hotshot like you to Phoenix?

X: I do live here, Red.

Red: Yeah, but you’re touring the world with WZCW. Speaking of which, don’t you have a match to prepare for?

X: Well, workout-wise there isn’t as much I can do until I get the all-clear from the docs. I’ve wrestled Cooper more times than I care to remember, and I’ve watched about as much as I can stomach of Baller and Alhazred at home.

Red: Well, from my point of view you look the strongest out of them all.

X: You would say that.

Red: Why?

X: My winning record of 13 – 2 against you.

Red: Stop talking, please.

X: Well, aside from your justified bias, I wouldn’t be so sure. Baller was in King for a Day this year, and managed to survive Hell in a Cell at last years Unscripted. He’s a tough opponent, and I can’t afford to overlook him. He’s also the only other guy to get a win in this league, so realistically, he’s my main opponent here. Then again, Alhazred is…different-

Red: Batshit-crazy if you ask me…

X: Well, yeah. And then some. But he was a former member of the Apostles. He’s a very dangerous man, and he’s hungry to make an impact here. And Cooper is a former Elite X Champion. He feels he should automatically have a title shot, and he’ll be gunning for revenge for our Supershow match.

Red: As will you, I imagine.

X: The best revenge I can get is by pinning him, then winning the whole thing.

Red: What’s this? Our fiery young Alexander here has matured into a man!

Whilst speaking, Red has grabbed X around the head and ruffled his hair. X laughs, and eventually pushes Red off.

X: The Elite X title is a huge deal, Red. I don’t want to waste the shot on beating up a jumped up asshole like Cooper. I’d rather rub it in his face by winning; that’ll burn a lot more than a kick to the face.

Red: So, you’re not going to kick him in the face?

X: Oh god yes. Several times, if I can. I’ll just have to remember to hold back; god knows I need to kick the crap out of something.

Red: …X?

X: I don’t like that tone.

Red: What tone?

X: You know.

Red: What do I know? This is my tone. My voice.

X: It’s your ‘big brother checking on the little brother’ voice.

Red: Well, tell me I’m wrong.

X: What?

Red: You know.

X: Don’t start.

Red: X, I appreciate the visit, but...what are you doing here?

X: What do you-

Red: You're not here just to visit me, or to talk tactics with an indy guy.

X smiles, and stares at Red, thinking his response over carefully.

X: Escapism. That's probably the best word.

Red: From what?

X looks down to the ground, then back up again.

Red: Is it her?

He nods towards the tattoo on X’s forearm.

X: Can we…not get into that right now?

Red: Hey, you’re the boss. Just want to make sure you're okay. Remember, you know where I am if you need me.

X: Thanks, bro. And I kinda don't, seeing as you're moving about all the time...

Red: Har, har, har.

X: But thanks man. Appreciate it.

Red: Well whatever it is, I’m sure beating three wasters and winning the Elite X championship at Unscripted would be a pretty sweet way to make things better. It won’t solve anything, but a positive experience like that will sure as hell make things clearer. Sooner or later though, you're gonna have to face it. Don't lose sight of that. And if you’re doing it for her (he nods to the tattoo again) then they haven’t got a hope in hell of stopping you. Hell, I wouldn’t wanna face you, and I’m both brave, AND stupid. Trust me.

X: Since when did you get so good at pep talks?

Red: What can I say? Going soppy in my old age. (he checks his phone) Balls. Sorry man, gotta run. Got a few things I need to do before the show tonight. You coming?

X: Wouldn’t miss it.

Red: Yeah, well you better not. Heavyweight title match. I want you to be there when I show you how to win a big one.

X: And I’ll show you how it’s done at Unscripted.

Red smiles, and slaps X on the back before getting up and leaving. X stays there for a moment, staring at the empty ring.



Later That Evening…


It’s twenty minutes into the main event, as Red and the champion are both down on the mat. The champion; a skinny guy with long black hair in long black tights, stands up and motions for a strong lariat.

Don’t let him hit you, Red…

Red looks in trouble as he gets up, but sees the lariat at the last second and ducks it. The champion rebounds off the ropes and is hit with a big European Uppercut.

Drop him quickly, don’t let him recover…

The champ is in trouble now, as Red drops him with a DDT.

Come on…roll him over!

Within seconds, he’s floated over…

Lock it in!!!

… and hooked up an over-the-shoulder chickenwing-crossface! The champ tries to crawl to the ropes, but within thirty seconds, he finally taps out, and the challenger releases the hold, ecstatic at his achievement.

YES!

Announcer: Here is your winner, and the NEW Heavyweight Champion…ULTIMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE REEEEEEEEDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

X smiles, as the new champion, Red, climbs the turnbuckle and raises his belt high into the air. The fans; a half-full hall of die-hard wrestling fanatics make the room sound like Madison Square Garden with the ovation they give him. X stands with them and applauds his friend, who is in tears whilst hugging his newly won belt.

Red was right about everything earlier. Winning the Elite X league won’t solve my problems, but it’ll make things easier to deal with. And it’ll make me feel a hell of a lot better. These dreams will go away with time, but for now I just have to deal with them. Abi wouldn’t want me to think like this. I won’t. And I’ll deal with mom and Frank soon. I need to prove to them that I know what I’m doing. But for now, I need to put myself first.

Red dismounts the turnbuckle, and catches his friends eye. He gives X a thumbs up, who reciprocates, and continues clapping.

Okay, Red. Time to show you how to win the big one.

 

[Baller]

It is Tuesday November 27th, and it is a nice sunny day in Miami. There is not one cloud in the sky and it is typical weather down in South Beach. Outside the Baller residence, Mr. Baller is returning home for what could be the final time as a permanent resident as he is vowed to leave his parents once he locks up a long term contract with WZCW. To lock up that long-term contract the “Can’t Miss Prospect”, Baller is going to have to continue his winning streak and win the Elite X League to become the #1 contender for the title against Sam Smith.

Baller pulls out of the taxi, pays the cab driver, puts his key into the lock and enters his home.

Baller: I’m back!

His mother gets up from the couch to greet him.

Mother: Welcome back Joseph. Did you get a girlfriend when you were gone?

Baller: No mom.

Mother: Dang.

Baller: But I am one step closer to getting out of your house for good.

Mother: I am so proud of you. Only took you 29 years.

Baller: Better late then never.

Mother: So how do you plan to move out for good?

Baller: I am just one win away from getting a title match on pay per view, which will give me great leeway for the long term lucrative contract that I deserve.

Mother: So you still need to keep winning and then hope you get that contract? (Sighs) You’re never getting out of here.

Baller: Where’s your confidence in me? I am a new person.

Mother: Well for your sake I hope you are right.

Baller: Anyway Mom, I’m gonna need you to go upstairs in a few minutes, I have a visitor coming over.

Mother: Who is it?

Baller: Vanessa Jenkins

Mother: I thought you didn’t get a girlfriend?

Baller: She isn’t my girlfriend.

Mother: Then what is she?

Baller: My new personal assistant. Alfred got her for me.

Mother: And you need a personal assistant because?

Baller: I need to get that long-term contract. This will help me focus on my job and let Vanessa handle everything for me outside the ring. You want me gone right? This will help to that.

Mother: Fantastic I can’t wait to meet here.

Baller: She should be here soon. But until then I got to get focused on my fatal 4 way elimination match this week. I have 1 point and so does this other dude named Triple X, while the other 2 guys have 0. Each elimination is worth 1 point. So if I can eliminate one, I should be in great shape.

These guys can’t hold a candle to me, I have the endurance, the speed, the motivation that none of these guys can match to me. I win this league, all of my dreams will come true.

Mother: Your dreams? My dreams will come true. Your husband and I will finally have the house to ourselves.

Baller: And I will finally be able to live life the way I want to. Money, my own home, I need this. Cooper, X, Alhazred, I will not blow this opportunity. I have worked far too hard to come back and get what I WANT in life. It will be had, it will be mine, and then the Elite X Title is next…

There is a knock on the door.

Baller: Its time to talk business.

Baller opens the door and greets Vanessa, as she walks in and the door closes and the two begin to talk business.

 

[Da Prophet]

Iris sat on a black sofa with an old Xbox controller tipped next to him. The sofa and all of its stains had seen wars that would rival Afghanistan. Simple stains such as coffee appeared and some that were more sinister. Still the sofa provided a valuable service to the boys living in this small uptown apartment in Sydney. The life wasn’t the prettiest but they enjoyed it. Iris looked after the cooking and other household chores while Justin did … well he did … ok he didn’t do anything around the house but that’s beside the point. Justin and Iris were the perfect team. They did everything together. It was a strong relationship and it was about to get a little shake up when Justin found a new partner to hang out with!

*Dramatic pause*

The front door of the apartment is kicked out and Justin makes his way into the room. In a somewhat unusual scene Justin is dressed in a full priest gown and has a large scroll in his hand. Over on the couch Iris holds his head in his hands and knows that this could be a long evening.

“Do I even need to ask?”

Justin smirks. “Probably not but please go ahead. I’ve been waiting to tell you all day my friend.”

One can’t ignore the loud sigh from Iris. “Ok then, go ahead. Why are you dressed like a priest?”

“I’ve become a priest,” declares Justin proudly with his hand raised high in the air.

Unable to truly understand what Justin is saying Iris must ask again. “What are you doing?”

“Didn’t you hear me? I’ve become a priest Iris, a man of higher purpose or even a man of biblical power! I am what you would call a leader of a generation. I’ll probably have my own charity by the end of the week.”

“What’s the point? Did you even think this through?” replies a very confused Iris.

“Oh believe me, I thought this through. I’ve got big plans my friend. My first act is to ban all junk food in schools and force everyone to learn to swim. I’ll be loved by parents all around the world, especially the ladies.”

Iris looks like he’s about to shit bricks. “This is ridiculous.”

“This is a revolution! I’ll be the first priest to ever win a title in professional wrestling. Surely that will set me a part from the dirty priests working with that corrupt Catholic Church. Plus it’ll bring in the kids … wait that didn’t sound right.”

Uneasy Iris pushes forward with his questioning. “So we’ve given up on professional wrestling as a full time thing then? I can’t be running both a priest gig and a gig as a professional wrestler. I do have other things to do Justin.”

Justin shakes his fist wildly in the air and yells aloud. “That’ll be Reverend Cooper to you from now on Iris. I am a man of worldly talents and visions. You shall respect me.”

It was probably disrespectful to do but Iris can’t help it, he laughs. “Don’t go laughing at me Iris! This is serious business. I’ve got big plans for my career. I could bring this in and teach those vile people a thing or two about the more valuable things in life. I could be a leader for those idiots.”

“We live in a tiny apartment in western Sydney,” says Iris sarcastically.

“So?”

“What do we know about valuable things?”

Big old burn from Iris since western Sydney is now for being a scummy part of town. Think of a room full of Brits for the amount of scum that inhabits western Sydney.

“That has no meaning on my ability to understand the value of knowledge and skills.”

Iris quickly fires back. “What bloody skills? You lost your title two nights after you won it, you’ve lost to Triple X again and we’re stuck in the same old position we always are. What magical skills do you possess that the public can’t understand?”

“I’m a well-travelled man Iris; I’ve seen the depths of China and the tops of mountains inhabited by the most knowledgeable monks. I’ll have a movie written about me soon.”

“It’ll be a pretty short movie.”

Justin grunts. “Shut up. Nobody asked you.”

Iris jumps off the sofa and pats Justin on the shoulder. “You mad bro?” asks Iris.

“I don’t need this. I’m one of the top priests in the southern hemisphere. I’m at the top!”

“Give me an I, give me an D, give me a another I, give me an O and give me a T. What does it spell?”

“Don’t push me Iris,” says Justin before he slaps Iris across the back of the head with the scroll. “I honestly can’t remember the last time you said something that didn’t annoy me.”

A moment of silence comes over the room with the duo not saying a word. Both stand still next to each other and only throw quick glances over the next couple of minutes. Time has seemingly slowed down, refusing to hurry the awkward situation along. You can hear a rat piss on cotton during this situation; luckily it comes to an end with a surprising ring of the doorbell.

*RING, RING, RING*

“I got it,” says Iris, hurrying to the door in the process. Iris opens the door and finds himself eye to eye with a man from ANZ. The banker looks at Iris and can’t help but notice the earphones hanging down from his right side pocket.

The banker points down toward the hanging ear phones. “You’ve got something there,” says the disgruntled banker.

Iris looks down and shifts the earphones into his pocket completely, “Thanks.”

The banker nods. “No problem. I’m looking for Justin Cooper, do you happen to know where he is?”

“Yeah he’s…”

The newly appointed reverend of Australia steps in front of the banker with his arms spread out. “It is I, Reverend Cooper! What must I do for another one of the world’s needy children? How can I take yet another child from the depths of poverty and turn him into a success? Speak my child, do not feel afraid!”

Iris is totally embarrassed and has no choice but to apologize to the banker. By this point most men would have walked away from the situation but the banker still remains in his original position. With a folder full of paperwork the banker hands it to Justin but he drops it cold. “Damn it! Jesus Christ!”

“I thought you were a priest? You should be using treating the lord’s name like that,” says Iris, with a cheeky smile.

The banker is losing his patience. “Look I don’t have all day to listen to you two talk all day about whatever crazy shit goes on here. I’ve got other things to do so just make sure that stuff gets signed and everything because the bank is ready to repossess this apartment if you don’t.”

Rev’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. “What! You can’t take my home I live here. I’ve got things in places and my Xbox is all set up with high definition cables that run through the floor. Plus I’ve got a fridge that is bolted to the floor. I can’t go moving about,” yells Justin.

“Not my problem,” replies the banker.

“Not your problem? Why I should knock ya’ block off for that,” says Justin. Then he charges forward but is held back by Iris. The banker feels for his life as Justin screams for him to come back and fight him now.

It’s been a long day so far for our duo and as Justin begins to settle down Iris closes the door and makes his way back into the lounge room. Together the two boys sit on the couch with a bottle of beer each. They relax against their couch and reflect about the day’s events. The cold beer splashes against the lips of Cooper, his mind filled with thoughts bouncing off the walls. While Rev. Cooper sips on his beer Iris can’t help but grab the scroll sitting on the floor. He opens it up and begins to read what it says, suddenly Iris pipes up.

“So this is what you’ve been doing for the past couple of days then.”

Cooper places his beer down on the ground. “Do you just go around reading other peoples scroll? This place really has gone down the toilet.”

“You’ve got a list of possible ways to beat your opponents for this weak, I think that’s something I should be looking at. Now what’s the first course of action for this week? After the beat down you gave Triple X last week I think we should target him during the match. Just leave the other two and let them fight it out amongst each other.”

“Mr. Baller and Alhazred going toe to toe with each other, come on Iris. Who the hell wants to watch that? You know what I’m gonna do this week, I’m gonna run right through those three punks and drill holes the size of watermelons into their heads. I’ll drop a fist across X’s little drug infested grin and then I’ll smack that afro right off Baller’s head.”

“What about Alhazred?”

“I like Alhazred,” replies Justin. “The other two get on my nerves though. Just look at X for a second and see what this guy stands for. He constantly does these stupid backflips and jumpy moves that have the children cheering. He’s always signing all of these autographs and possibly selling weed to some children on the streets of Brazil. It’s crazy to me to think this guy is a hero. He’s the worst guy we have… well Runn’s still pretty terrible at everything he does and all but X is a strong second to him.”

“Why must you pick on people in different divisions? We’ve got people to focus on for this match, what about Mr. Baller and his bag of tricks?”

Rev. Cooper laughs aloud at the notion. “What mighty tricks would this Mr. Baller have over me? This is a wrestling match Iris not some game of horse. His antics of foolerly will not stand a chance against my knew found wisdom of greatness. In fact I may even try to help the needy men in this match. I could help them achieve a life of success instead of constantly losing to me. I’m sure they would like a chance to move from the depths of society all the way up to the highest of hills like me.”

“Not sure about that Justin,” says Iris, prodding at the arm of the lounge. “Best to just beat them up.”

“Don’t worry Iris, I’m on the case. This week will be just another moment of glory for us and all of those who support me. We’ve become much more than just the humble beginnings of the High Society Iris, we’ve become an entire empire.”

*Fade to black*

 

[red ass skull muhfukkah]

A fat guy in his underwear is tied to a bench with a rag over his head. He’s unconscious. The room is completely dark except for the light over the fat guy. The guy starts to awake and realizes he can’t move. He panics and begins to scream.

Fat guy: What is this?! Help me please!

Out of nowhere a splash of water hits the man’s face.

Fat guy: Oh god no! Please no, not this! I know what this is; I saw it on 60 minutes!

A man dressed in all black and a black executioner’s mask over his head stands over the fat guy with a hose and a bucket.

Fat guy: Is someone there? I know you’re there I heard you and I can smell you! You smell like Cheetohs.

The man in all black looks at his hands and sees he has Cheetoh fingers. He licks them then fills the bucket with water. He slowly pours the water on the man’s face. This lasts about thirty seconds before the bucket empties. The fat guy coughs and tries to catch his breath.

Fat guy: What do you want?! You haven’t even asked me any questions!

The man in all black refills the bucket again. He pours it over the fat guy’s face again, this time pouring it slower. The man coughs and gasps for air when the pouring stops.

Fat guy: Wh-what do you want?! Just tell me what you want, I'll tell you anything!

The man in black grabs the fat guy by the throat and in a harsh, raspy voice screams: Where is she?!

Fat guy: Who?!

The man in black grabs the hose and rains down more water on the fat man's face. He gasps.

Fat guy: I don't know who you're talking about!

Man in black: You know who she is!

Fat guy: No, I really don't!

The hose comes out again for a moment.

Fat guy: I don't know, I don't know, I DON'T KNOW! Why do you sound like Batman? Are you Batman? Please Batman, I'm not a criminal!

Man in black: I'm not Batman. Now...where...is...Missy!

Fat guy: Missy? I don't know I've been looking for her too, I thought she was with that Alhazred guy. Why don't you ask him?!

Man in black: Liar! You know where she is! I've seen you skulking around her house the last few days, looking in her windows and driving by my house. Now where is she?!

Fat guy: I was looking for her! I haven't talked to her since she starting hanging around Alhazred, her mother called me asking me to look for her because she hadn't heard from her in days!

The hose comes out once again.

Fat guy: Please...please stop...I think I'm dying. I don't know where she is but I wish I did. I love that girl like a little sister, I've known her since she was a baby. Mister told me that if anything happened to him that he wanted me to look after her, make sure she's okay.

The man in black turns off the hose and throws it down. He unties the fat guy and turns on the lights. There in an old basement with nothing but a bench, a rusty sink and an old couch. The walls are all black and the door is big and made out of metal. The fat guy rips off the cloth and slowly stands up, he's an Asian man with a stubbly beard in what looks like his early thirties. The man in black sits on the couch, sighs and takes off his mask, it's Mister Alhazred. The fat guy stares at Alhazred, points and walks slowly towards him.

Fat guy: It was you the whole time you bastard!

Alhazred shrugs: Sorry, man. I thought you had her.

Fat guy: Sorry? Did you say sorry? You water boarded me you sick freak!

Alhazred: It made sense when I came up with the plan. You did talk in the end.

Fat guy: Made sense? Are you out of your mind? Do you realize what this is going to do to my psyche? I'm gonna be messed up for a long time because of this. When I was a kid I nearly drowned in a pond, water and drowning are my biggest fears in life and you freaking water boarded me!

Alhazred tries not to laugh: What a coincidence, eh? I had no idea, guess I picked the right torture method.

Fat guy: This is funny to you? If I didn't want to find Missy so bad, I would kill you right now.

Alhazred: Pfft you couldn't kill me if you tried. You're fat and slow.

Alhazred gets up and goes to the sink in the corner, the Power Glove is on the edge of it. He washes his hands and puts it on. He checks it to make sure it's still working properly.

Fat guy: So what do we do now?

Alhazred: Oh, I'm sorry you can leave now. You're clothes are in that trash bag over there. Just go through this door, go all the way down the hallway, there'll be a flight of stairs, take those to the top, take a left, go all the way down that hallway where you'll find an elevator. The code to the elevator is 6-2-9-7-8, just take it to ground level. When you get out take a left, head up another small flight of stairs, go through the door, take a right and you'll see the front door.

The man digs in the trash bag and pulls out his shirt. Alhazred walks over to a random spot in the wall, taps on it three times and a small door the size of a safe opens. The man puts on his shirt, stops, stares at Alhazred and shakes his head.

Fat guy: I can't believe I'm saying this but...I think we should work together.

Alhazred pulls a Twinkie out of the safe and takes a bite: Why would I want to work with you?

Fat guy: Because I know you're busy with WZCW a lot of the time and it leaves you less time to look for Missy. You're in the Elite X League right now so you're probably busier than ever. Where did you get that Twinkie? They stopped making those.

Alhazred: Oh I bought a bunch of boxes when I heard they stopped making them.

Fat guy: Can I have one?

Alhazred: Fuck off, they're mine. But I don't know about you helping me. I mean I've always wanted a minion and I have that Fatal Four Way coming up.

Fat guy: Exactly you need someone's help to find her.

Alhazred: Hmmm...I don't know. I mean, I really, really want a minion but you're so fat and you look like you're weak and afraid of a lot of things.

Fat guy: Oh yeah, I'm all those things, but what I lack in looks, strength and courage I make up for in being super loyal and willingness to do anything someone stronger tells me to do.

Alhazred: That sounds good but you're also Asian.

Fat guy: What's wrong with being Asian?

Alhazred: Nothing really I just don't have the best track record with Asians. Toyota crushed my larynx and a Chinese restaurant owner almost cut off my balls once. Plus how do I know you're not in this for the dead cats? Because I can't have cats anymore.

Fat guy: Why would I want dead cats?

Alhazred: Because Asian people eat cats right?

Fat guy: No but I'm only half Japanese, my father is white. I promised Mister I'd help Missy and this is my best shot at finding her.

Alhazred stuffs the rest of the Twinkie in his mouth and sticks out his hand: Welcome aboard umm...what's your name?

Fat guy: Lo Tozawa.

Alhazred: Yeah that's not gonna work, I'm gonna call you fats. Because you're fat and you act like a rat.

Fats: Okay.

Alhazred: Now let's get some tacos while we plan.

They had out the door, down the corridor, up the stairs, down the hallway and into the elevator. Alhazred looks down and gasps.

Alhazred: You forgot your pants Fats!

Fats: Oh crap!

Alhazred: I'll wait for you in the car.

------------------

Fats and Alhazred are driving in Alhazred's Honda hatch back eating tacos. Alhazred is driving and Fats is in the back seat.

Fats: How come I can't sit in the front?

Alhazred: Because you're too big, this is a small car and I might get claustrophobic.

Fats shrugs and takes a bite of his taco: So you worried about your match? It's pretty big, man. A shot at the Elite X Title, that'd be sweet. But you got some tough guys in that match; two former Elite X Champions and a guy that pinned you last week.

Alhazred: Don't talk with your mouth full!

Alhazred takes a bite out of his taco: I don't really worry about other people all that much. I have the Power Glove and I've had my share of big matches in the past. That loss last week to Baller was a fluke. It was a cheap roll up plus I had lint in my eye when he did it, he won't be so lucky when he sees me again. I mean Cooper and X are no joke, respectable former Elite X Champions but I'm a rocket to the top of WZCW right now. My fist is held out in front of me and I'm smashing every face on my way to the top. I pinned Barbosa, had the fight of my life against S.H.I.T. and Barbosa then beat down the legend that is Steamboat Ricky and The Grand Mystique. I've been through and done more than anyone else in this match can over hope to. I've had my ups and downs and my share of unsettled scores at the moment but right now my only focuses are that Elite X Title and getting Missy back so we can enjoy my glorious reign together.

Both men look down, Fats smiles a little.

Fats: She'll be so happy when you win that belt. She really liked hanging around you.

Alhazred: Well I'll make her proud. Sam Smith better keep that belt warm because it's only a matter of time before it's around this bony waist. I'm more focused and driven than I've ever been before. I have a true and noble purpose now, I have someone who truly deserves to have someone fight for her. Outside of that ring my life is hell, but that just gives me fuel once I get inside it. I'm gonna uppercut them to the moon!

They both smile and eat their tacos for a moment.

Fats: You know it's funny, a few hours ago you kidnapped me and put me through the worst experience in my life that's gonna haunt me for years and now we're, like friends. You water boarded me, man.

Alhazred laughs: Yeah, I did. But hey crazier things have happened.

Alhazred stomps on his brakes and his jaw drops. Fats looks to see what's going on. Mister walks across the street holding a box of donuts...