AS54: Mikey Stormrage vs. Action Saxton

[Viola Moonlight]

Krypto will accompany Action Saxton to the ring.

Vance Bateman has given the last minute decision of splitting the World Tag Team Champions vs. Strikeforce match into two singles matches in an attempt to give both teams some time away from each of their partners. Saxton is set to take on Stormrage who hasn't been doing well in terms of achieving a good win/loss record. He'll be looking to gain a victory over the champions, who Strikeforce have been calling out for the last few weeks.

Deadline 19th of September, 11:59pm Central Time. No extensions allowed​

 

[Richard Blonoff]

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

I clicked the lock button on my iPod, having finished one of my favorite episodes of Futurama, silently thanking the techno gods that my battery lasted just long enough to get through it. The corn fields lining the highway seemed to stretch on for miles. Not even five years ago I would have gazed out my window and scoffed at the vast nothingness, but now it was a sight for sore eyes. I almost felt like I should start playing "Dust in the Wind", it just felt appropriate. I sighed and slumped back in my seat, desperately wanting to stand and stretch my legs. I did my best to get comfortable in the worn out bus seat, but with a distinct lack of air conditioning and dead DS batteries I knew I would be in for a rough trip the rest of the way.

I grabbed my bag and looked for something, anything, that could hold my interest. One extra pair of shorts, a pair of worn out jeans, a few mismatched socks and two extra shirts were all that I managed to pack. No medication, no contacts, no spare batteries, nothing. Maybe I shouldn't have left in such a hurry, but deep down I felt I had to.

It had been seven months since my WZCW debut. February 13th, it should have been news to those close to me, but the night before Adele swept every category she was nominated for at the Grammys and people were still abuzz. Plus with the build up to Lethal Lottery, there was no time to welcome an out of shape rookie. Due to travel issues I wasn't able to make it back in time to be with Rose for Valentine's Day either. I started to think back to some of the other big dates in my short career.

When James and I won the tag titles back in May there were no big celebrations, no segments to introduce the new champs. We got nothing, save a supporting role in the Austin Reynolds and Ricky Runn feud. I felt like that was quickly becoming not only my career, but my life.

I try to stretch, to little avail as the passenger in front of me decided to lean their seat back. I roll my eyes and start to think again.

Even when we were champions, Saxton and Saboteur got more cheers than us. It hurt on the inside, that those same people I went out there for day in and day out decided to support two guys who, on the same day Strikeforce became World Tag Team Champions of the World, had a brawl that involved more than one fan getting it with a stray punch. I had busted my ass on the indy circuit, sleeping on floors, getting paid in beer tickets, packing into a car with five other guys, yet it seemed the fans didn't appreciate that. We played second fiddle to them. Then the losses started.

By this point I said to hell with it and moved to the aisle seat. I shifted my weight and laid my legs across the arm rests on the middle seat. I ran through the losses in my head again. I could try to place the blame on the refs, our inexperienced partners, anything I wanted, but the truth was the losses came because I wasn't myself. James was a close friend, almost like the big brother I never had, but we had our differences. We had always managed to work around them until recently. He had tried to turn me into something that I wasn't. I didn't want to be the bad guy. I said it in the past, I could be a trolly ass, but it was all in good fun. Being the bad wasn't who I was. I was a good guy, maybe too good. Maybe that was the reason I was quickly taking a back seat in everything.

As I half laid, half sat, my phone rang. It was Leon Kensworth. I let it go to voice mail.

Mikey, this is Leon. You and James had an interview, but you didn't show up. I went to his house looking for you two and he said no one had seen you since the night before. Call me ba...

I pressed delete. It appeared that my absence was starting to be noticed.

I couldn't tell them why I left, not yet anyway. The truth was I was upset, no jealous, of where I was. James was still the star of Strikeforce. They could blame his anger issues as the reason I left all they want, but it was far from the truth. I was being ignored. It started with the fan, which while painful, was manageable. Then James started. Our late night gaming sessions had turned into late nights awake because Dinah had heartburn so bad she couldn't sleep. Our early morning workouts were replaced by early morning hair holding when Dinah had morning sickness. That had all pushed me to the edge, but it was Rose who knocked me over. I spent no time with her at all. She had taken a hiatus from her singing aspirations to travel with me full time. That was no longer the case. She spent more time with Dinah and gushing over baby stuff then she did with me. I was a third wheel in my own relationship.

My phone rang again. This time it was James. I hit reject, knowing he wouldn't leave a message.

I let my mind wonder to Saxton. Back before he and Saboteur were an official team, James and I had beaten them. Since then they had out number. Aside from my solo victory against Saboteur in the build up to Redemption, they had us each time. We could blame our loss in the eight man tag match on being teamed up with a rookie team, but that same team in turn beat us the next week. In the span of roughly four and a half months Strikeforce had gone from the hottest team in the world, co-main eventing back to back PPVs, to the bottom of the barrel. We couldn't buy a win. I knew Saxton didn't use lifting moves, but I had yet to find a way to exploit that. Every time I tried to make him angry and cause him to lose focus, he just kicked my ass. Maybe Saxoteur was Strikeforce's kryptonite. It seemed like everything we threw at them just didn't work.

My phone rang a third time. The special ringtone let me know it was Rose. I picked it up and was ready to answer. I changed my mind at the last second and simply put it back in my pocket and set it to vibrate. I knew there would be hell to pay soon, but I wasn't ready to face it yet.

I put my headphones back in my ears and decided to listen to music until the battery on my iPod went dead. The episode of Futurama I had watched earlier started to play again.

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Frustrated with the skipping I clicked the lock button and slid it back into my pocket. I kept the headphones in in an attempt to drown out the world. I closed my eyes, hoping to drift off to sleep.

The entire time I couldn't help but hear those words over and over in my head. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

It got me thinking, even more than I had before. I thought back to the days of Strikeforce before we were champions. We won all but one of our matches. The single loss coming to Constantine, the current King For a Day, and Steven Holmes, who had to cheat to beat us. We were barely noticed back then. Maybe we were doing things right. I know that when James and even Jack Cohen had encouraged me to be the bad guy it didn't feel like I was doing anything right. When I was the good guy I wasn't really getting noticed and it felt right to me.

I sat up in my seat and slid back over to the window seat. I looked out the window, gazing into an imaginary abyss. Things had to change, I knew it. I could feel it coming, the end was approaching. Maybe Apocalypse meant the end of Strikeforce, maybe it meant the end of Saxoteur, hell Jacobs and Westoff may not even find salvation in the end.

Before I got to the end though I had to go through Saxton one more time. I knew only one place could help me prepare mentally for that bad sucka. I had to end this journey before I started the next, and when I saw the sign Indianapolis next exit I knew this journey was almost over, I was almost home.

 

[The Doctor]

Signal Panic, Inc. Presents
Action Saxton
in
"Daddy Cool Day Care!"

"With all due respect, your honor, my spandexed friend here is yippin’ and yappin’ but don’t know what’s happenin’!"

In the courtroom, Action Saxton and Saboteur stand, each on a different side. In front of them is a judge, looking very austere and very much like a judge. But what sort of harebrained scheme could have landed our heroes in a courtroom? And on opposite sides, no less?

"I can’t babysit Krypto all week long!" Action Saxton explains. "I’ve got iron to pump, ropes to jump, and ladies to romance!

"Objection!" barks Saboteur, pointing. "I know for a fact that Saxton can’t jump rope; he could never get past the fact that he couldn’t double dutch![/quote]"

"Now hold on a minute, sucka," say Saxton, drawing himself up. "I can double dutch, triple dutch, backwards clutch, and rock with Rush! The popular Canadian rock band, that is, not WZCW’s current EurAsian Champion."

The judge slams his gavel to break the heated debate between the WZCW Tag Team Champions.

"Order! Order!" he yells, slamming his gavel down a few more times for emphasis. "Now, gentlemen, I don’t know why you two are fighting so hard to avoid getting custody of your mentally disabled friend, and I don’t know why or how this case has made it into a court of law, but I can assure you that I’ve had just about enough of this!"

Action Saxton and Saboteur give each other disgruntled looks. The judge continues.

"I have come to a solution that will allow...nay, force both of you to spend time with your crazy friend."

"But he can’t stay with me!" Saboteur gasps. "My apartment isn’t childproof! Heck, it’s barely safe enough for me to live in!"

"Objection!" yells Saxton, slamming his hands on the table. "He’s making a good argument, and I don’t like it!"

The judge bangs his gavel again.

"I will have order!" he says. "Now here is my decision: Each of you will split time with Krypto this week. Saboteur will take Krypto on Tuesday and Wednesday and Action Saxton will have custody of him on Thursday on Friday. Then he will escort each of you to your respective matches on Saturday and Sunday."

Saboteur and Saxton begin to protest but it falls on deaf ears as the judge makes his way out of the courtroom. The bailiff ushers them out to the hall where a security guard is waiting with Krypto.

"So," Krypto says, "has the grand overlord of the courtroom decided with whom I will stay this week?"

"Stop usin’ proper grammar sucka! You’re makin’ us look bad!"

"You’re staying with me for two days and then Saxton for two days!" explains Saboteur, presumably looking grumpy. "Now get your stuff and get in the car, we’re leaving now!"

"I have no belongings. Well, other than my personal service robot, RJX9, but he comes with me wherever I go!"

Krypto pulls an R2D2 figurine out from his crotch, or the part of his alien anatomy where a crotch would normally be. Saboteur grabs Krypto by the arm and drags him out of the courtroom.

"Great," he says. "Now let’s get this over with!"

The next few days passed uneventfully for Action Saxton. Free of alien-sitting duties, the Badass Brother decided to use the time to go shopping, touch up a LEGO sculpture of himself and Saboteur, and punch several ninjas in the throat as they walked past his door. He also went outside a few times, hunting down ancient treasure, inventing a Doberman-shooting cannon, and challenging various members of the United States Senate to kung-fu contests.

Action Saxton's Scott's Bottom apartment was absolutely spotless. Action Saxton himself was content with life, the universe, and everything. And then, the doorbell rang. And it is with this that everyone you know about Action Saxton had changed.

You see, at the door was none other than Saboteur, dumping Krypto onto his tag team partner. Looking disgruntled, as Action Saxton was going to use his rypto-less time to train for Mikey Stormrage, Action Saxton takes Krypto and heads over to the one place Saxton knows for sure has someone who knows how to take care of babies: The Paper Gangster. Marceline may have no children, but she certainly has that motherly instinct needed to take care of a strange alien baby creature thing.

Action Saxton sits in the diner and orders both of them three ice cream sundaes each. Ice cream sundaes are an incredibly balanced lunch, providing protein, fruit, and dairy. Of coure, they also provide sugar. Lots and lots of sugar. It is this sugar that affects Krypto, causing the little alien buddy to go off the wall with excitement. After some pleading, Marceline allows Action Saxton to use the apartment above the diner to keep Krypto. Action Saxton plans on dumping him there and walking off to wrestle another kangaroo, but Marceline has other plans. You see, she is having friends over to play poker, and cannot babysit an alien.

This leaves Action Saxton in a tricky situation as he is stuck in an apartment with a hyperactive alien. Thus follows several scenes of wacky hijinx between the two, where Krypto tries to eat a refrigerator, jump out of the window, and annoy the hell out of the sleeping drunk guy on the couch, all while Action Saxton wears an apron and tries not to disturb Marceline's party to middling results.

In the end, the two end up bonding, a little. Action Saxton's heart grows three sizes that day, and Krypto's weird alien biology probably turns purple or something. Marceline has a nice evening, the friend sleeps away his drunken stupor on the couch, and Action Saxton decides that babysitting an alien was a change of pace that really showed just how versatile Action Saxton is. After all, this was nothing compared to wrestling a man you've already wrestled multiple times, right?

Of course he is. Mikey Stormrage is someone who Action Saxton can take on and defeat. He's done it before, and he'll do it again. Action Saxton is a damn tag team champion looking to avenge his loss from last week. And besides...

"That sucka Stormrage is so fat, when he gets on an elevator, the only way it can go is down!"

Thank you, Action Saxton. You are truly a wise man.​