AS54: James Howard vs. Saboteur

[Viola Moonlight]

Krypto will accompany Saboteur to the ring.

Instead of having both tag teams compete against each other as originally planned, Saboteur and James Howard will be performing in singles competition. Strikeforce have been on a losing streak as of late and giving them room to breath in the singles department maybe just what the doctor ordered. However, Saboteur will be having Krypto by his side as moral support... but will he be more than just that?

Deadline 19th of September, 11:59pm Central Time. No extensions allowed​

 

[Shotaro]

The leather bag swung like a pendulum in the air; returning to my fist like an abused spouse who hasn’t realised that she can’t change him. Periodically I found myself clutching it to catch my breath, my fists stung sharply from the mixture of blood and sweat that had turned the gauze around them from pristine white to a dirty palette of red and brown.

For the third time that day I found myself sitting on the bench pulling gauze tight around my hands, cursing my knuckles for being so weak. The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs to the basement filled the otherwise silent room.

“Hi Hon” I yelled towards the door, assuming that Dinah was on her way down to admonish me for being down there all day, it had only just occurred to me then that I’d spent almost five and a half hours training. I made my way towards the stairs, ready to take my verbal brow beating and then go upstairs and relax with her; it came as a shock when, as I looked up the stairs I saw Leon Kensworth, complete with microphone.

“Ah, James, glad to see you’re well.” He surveyed the room looking around at the various pieces of training equipment surrounding a full sized ring before whistling and looking again, sounding suitably impressed. “Wow, I can name a lot of guys who’d kill for a place like this.”

“Thanks.” A silence filled the air, long enough for me to realise he was standing in my own home “how the hell did you get in here anyway? I’m training. Go away”

Leon stared at me blankly for a second as I went back to the punch bag. “You... You’re facing Saboteur this week and... and they still haven’t answered your challenge”

The punch bag began swinging wildly as I turned and walked towards Leon, my whole body leaning forwards and my fingertips digging into my palm. Leon backed up the stairs, stumbling backwards.

“No they haven’t answered the challenge. They haven’t even acknowledged us since they teamed with a former world champion whilst we were with two rookies. A match they claim victory for even though Titus pinned Derek Jacobs whilst we were waiting for a tag. Since you’re here Leon let’s talk about those Jacobs and Westhoff; let’s talk about the New Church”

Silence.

“Don’t go all quiet on me now Leon, you have invaded my home after all. They are a hateful pairing, can you explain to me exactly how they won on Ascension? I was too busy wiping the blood from my broken nose to realise that we had lost the match until their god awful entrance music filled the arena.”

I paused, waiting for Leon to speak. Once more I was met with silence.

“It’s one hell of a losing streak I’m on Leon; I’ve not won since the week after Kingdom Come. A win that was graciously gifted to me by the dumb as a doorpost spot monkey that is Ricky Runn; I used to be a winner Leon and my Mr Nice Guy act has gotten me nowhere. Do you know why it’s gotten me nowhere Leon? Do you know why I’ve stopped winning?”

Leon’s mouth began to move.

“It’s because I’m not a nice guy; I hurt people and I enjoy doing it. One of my best friends is in a hospital just a few hours away and I haven’t visited him, I haven’t visited him because my rage has taken over. The reality of the situation is that right now I don’t think anyone could stop me finishing him off in that hospital.”

Tears began to form in the corner of my eyes.

“He’s my best friend and I can’t go see him in case I kill him. My girlfriend is too upset to answer my proposal to her and my tag partner has disappeared. Mikey’s gone Leon. He left right after our match because he was afraid of me. I’m afraid of me. Even Rose hasn’t heard from him since then, or at least she won’t admit to it.”

Leon began to stand and walked down the stairs towards me and as he did I looked up; a broad smile across my face.

“Saboteur is getting into the ring with me on Ascension. I don’t know which me he’s going to face but I know one thing; I’m not leaving a loser this time. I’m going to send him and his partner a message that all of WZCW will hear, Strikeforce are not dead and come Apocalypse? Well, let’s just say that the name may prove to be rather apt.”

Leon made his excuses and left straight away muttering about Mikey, I saw him slip his phone out of his pocket and make a call as he stamped to the top of the stairs. I went back to the bag, as vicious as I'd ever been, for the first time since Kingdom Come I felt like a fighter.

 

[JGlass]

Saxton: With all due respect, your honor, my spandexed friend here is yippin’ and yappin’ but don’t know what’s happenin’!

The scene is set in a court room as Saboteur and Saxton stand on opposite sides in front of a judge. The case?

Saxton: I can’t babysit Krypto all week long! I’ve got iron to pump, ropes to jump, and ladies to romance!

Saboteur: Objection! I know for a fact that Saxton can’t jump rope; he could never get past the fact that he couldn’t double dutch!

Saxton: Now hold on a minute sucka: I can double dutch, triple dutch, backwards clutch, and rock with Rush! The popular Canadian rock band, that is, not WZCW’s current EurAsian Champion.

The judge slams his gavel to break the heated debate between the WZCW Tag Team Champions.

Judge: Order! Order! Now gentlemen, I don’t know why you two are fighting so hard to avoid getting custody of your mentally disable friend, and I don’t know why or how this case has made it into a court of law, but I can assure you that I’ve had just about enough of this! So I have come to a solution that will allow… nay, force both of you to spend time with your crazy friend.

Saboteur: But he can’t stay with me! My apartment isn’t childproof! Heck, it’s barely safe enough for me to live in!

Saxton: Objection! He’s making a good argument and I don’t like it!

The judge bangs his gavel again.

Judge: I will have order! Now here is my decision: Each of you will split time with Krypto this week. Saboteur will take Krypto on Tuesday and Wednesday and Action Saxton will have custody of him on Thursday on Friday. Then he will escort each of you to your respective matches on Saturday and Sunday.

Saboteur and Saxton begin to protest but it falls on deaf ears as the judge makes his way out of the courtroom. The bailiff ushers them out to the hall where a security guard is waiting with Krypto.

Krypto: So has the grand overlord of the courtroom decided with whom I will stay this week?

Saxton: Stop usin’ proper grammar sucka! You’re makin’ us look bad!

Saboteur: You’re staying with me for two days and then Saxton for two days! Now get your stuff and get in the car, we’re leaving now!

Krypto: I have no belongings. Well, other than my personal service robot, RJX9, but he comes with me wherever I go!

Krypto pulls an R2D2 figurine out from his crotch, or the part of his alien anatomy where a crotch would normally be.

Saboteur grabs Krypto by the arm and drags him out of the courtroom.

Saboteur: Great, now let’s get this over with!

Within a few hours, Saboteur and Krypto have arrived at Saboteur’s crappy apartment in Union City, New Jersey.

Krypto: I don’t understand, why are we going to this personal habitat when you have a much nicer one in the land you call, “Why-OHHHHHH-Meeng”?

Saboteur: Because I don’t feel like babysitting you on an airplane ride from Newark International to Greater Wyoming Area Air Port and Bar.

Krypto: But aren’t you and Saxton rich? Can’t you afford a nicer personal habitat than this? The floors are dirty and I detect asbestos in the air, which I’ve read is harmful to humans.

Saboteur: Hey! I didn’t bring you hear to be logical; I brought you here because it was court ordered!

Krypto hangs his head in shame, upset that he angered his mentor. Saboteur’s big soft heart gets the better of him and he extends an olive branch to the crazy little man.

Saboteur: Finally you shut up! Now leave me alone while I watch I Love Lucy.

Saboteur plops himself down on the couch, kicking up a cloud of dust. Saboteur hasn’t been to his apartment in a few months, but the Saboteur-shaped indent on the couch is still perfect for him to get cozy in.

Krypto, on the other hand, is quite uncomfortable and begins to pant.

Krypto: Master, my body temperature is higher than the optimal level!

Saboteur rolls his eyes and peaks over the couch.

Saboteur: I’m not your master, and you’re just hot. The apartment doesn’t have any air conditioning, but there might be something for you to drink in the fridge. The milk should be only two or three months past expiration.

Krypto looks at a large, beat up door with a metallic handle. He figures this must be the refrigerator. He opens the door and is met with a very welcome blast of cold air.

Krypto: Ah, salvation! This is where I will stay for the next two days.

Krypto starts emptying the contents of the fridge onto the floor and attempts to crawl inside. The commotion draws the attention of Saboteur, who springs into action after seeing the mess that Krypto has created.

Saboteur: What are you doing?! You made my kitchen into a mess… er… a bigger mess!

Krypto has managed to fit most of his body into the fridge, but he has just enough room to turn around and look at Saboteur.

Krypto: This place is the optimal temperature for my species. I decided I would live in here for the next two days.

Saboteur: You can’t live in the fridge dummy: you’ll suffocate! Gah… do you know what you’re doing here?!

Krypto: Making friends and wrestling for WZCW, the greatest company in the galaxy?

Saboteur: No! You’re making me be the straight man! I’m supposed to be the guy who gets into ridiculous trouble, not the one that cleans up the mess! You’re messing with the space-jam-continuum!

Krypto: The space-jam-continuum?

Saboteur: Yes, the continuum that makes sure evil basketball playing aliens don’t beat Michael Jordan and Bill Murray in basketball.

Krypto: I have not met any aliens that are proficient at basketball. However, I have come across some aliens that are quite proficient at blergsticks.

Saboteur buried his face in his hands and shakes his head.

Saboteur: Just forget about it, we’ll clean this mess up later. Why don’t you just come watch TV with me?

Saboteur walks back to his couch and Krypto follows on his heels. Saboteur falls backwards onto the couch, and Krypto mimics the action. Saboteur reaches for his remote and turns on his ratty old television, which is already on TV Land and in the midst of an I Love Lucy marathon.

Saboteur: Now just be quiet and enjoy this. I think this is the episode where Lucy does something to make Ricardo angry.

And Krypto is quiet. More accurately, Krypto is speechless. He leans towards the TV, trying to get a closer look at the tiny humans inside this box of plastic and glass. He starts waving at the screen, trying to get their attention, but the tiny humans do not seem to notice. Saboteur notices Krypto’s behavior, but chooses to ignore it, instead sinking deeper into his couch.

But Krypto is not done. He gets off the couch and walks towards the TV. He looks behind it and is shocked to see how little space the tiny people have to live in. Their world seems endless, but the box is no more than a foot or so deep.

Saboteur: What are you doing? Don’t touch any of the wires; it took me weeks to figure out how to steal my neighbor’s cable.

Krypto is too entranced to take Saboteur’s warnings to heart, and he moves closer to the TV. He presses his face to the screen and begins to yell.

Krypto: Hello! Look at me! I am Krypto, and I have come to meet you!

Saboteur: Get out of the way you little weirdo, I’m trying to watch Lucy here!

The tiny people in the box continue to ignore him, but Krypto will not be denied the opportunity to meet the tiny people! He starts to knock on the glass, causing the picture to go in and out with every tap. Saboteur hops up to pull Krypto away from his most prized possession, but he’s too late. The picture has gone out. Saboteur can still hear the voices of Lucy and Ethel, but he can only imagine what it looks like to see them stepping on grapes to make wine.

Saboteur: You broke my TV! You little monster, that TV was worth more than your life! How would you like it if I broke something of yours?

Krypto: I have no worldly possessions. Well, except for my friend RJX9.

Krypto again pulls out the R2D2 figurine and shows it to Saboteur, but this time Saboteur quickly snatches it out of his hands. Saboteur runs to the sink and flips on the garbage disposal as he ominously dangles RJ over the household pit of despair. Krypto gives chase but stops as soon as he sees his beloved robot dangling from Saboteur’s hand.

Saboteur: Ha! Revenge will be mine! This may just be a cheap Star Wars toy compared to my super deluxe fifty-dollar TV, but at least you’ll know what it’s like to feel loss!

Krypto’s eyes well up and his lip starts to quiver. Saboteur’s expression too changes from one of anger to one of confused, sympathetic pity.

Krypto: I know what it’s like to feel loss. I lose every week! Every week I go to the wrestling ring to bring honor to my planet, but every week I am sent to the locker habitat, defeated. The only reason I even come close to winning is because whenever I’m down, RJ is there to pick me up. Whenever I need advice, RJ is there to help me. Without RJ, I’ll be hopeless.

Saboteur looks down at his feet, ashamed of himself. He turns off the garbage disposal and puts the R2D2 figurine in Krypto’s hands.

Saboteur: I know what it’s like to lose too, Krypto. Just last week I thought we had Constantine and Tastic beaten for sure, but we had a victory stolen right from underneath our feet! I’ve been through plenty of losses that stung, but it’s important to remember the highlights! For every loss to a Constantine or a Gordito, there’s a win, like my win over Ty Burna, or when Saxton and I won the WZCW Tag Team Championships!

Krypto: But I don’t have any highlights. I haven’t won a match yet.

Saboteur: Well how about this: when I beat James Howard so hard he’s even uglier than he was before the match, I’ll let you come in the ring and we can raise hands together! That way you can see what it’s like to have the audience cheering for you as you stand victorious. That type of experience will give you the extra motivation you need to win your first match!

Krypto beams with excitement.

Krypto: Oh master, that would be wonderful! But how do you plan on beating James Howard?

Saboteur: I’m not your master. As for beating James Howard… I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again! As much as Strikeforce likes to pretend that they can get into my head, they’re nothing more than a couple of mind game playing losers. Yes, losers. I can say that because I have this shiny belt that used to be theirs.

Saboteur opens up his freezer to reveal his WZCW Tag Team Championship belt.

Krypto: Why do you keep your WZCW Tag Team Championship belt in the cryogenic unit?

Saboteur: Because I like the way it feels on my spandex! But that’s not the point. The point is: James Howard and Mikey Stormrage can issue all the challenges they like. They can attack us back stage, mess with our stuff, and do whatever they think will give them a mental edge, but the truth is they’ll never have once.

You see, Saxton and Saboteur get into their heads every night simply by walking down the entrance ramp with these belts. It drives Strikeforce crazy, crazier than anything they could ever do to us. Add that to the fact that I can fight circles around James Howard (and I have the record to prove it), and you have yourself a victory for Saboteur!

Krypto starts clapping and squealing with delight as his mentor seems to be properly motivated for his match on Sunday.

Saboteur: So make sure you put on deodorant before Ascension, because both our arms are going to be raised in the air!

Krypto: Hooray! … what’s deodorant?