AS53: Barbosa vs. Mr. Alhazred

[Viola Moonlight]

General Manager Vance Bateman announced this match last week following the aftermath of the S.H.I.T vs. Alhazred match. Both men are ordered to wrestle this match within the rules and are banned from causing trouble. These two should hopefully settle their differences in the ring and stop this from escalating to a whole new level.

Deadline: Wednesday, 5th of September (11:59pm Central Time)​

 

[Барбоса]

*Weeks… or was it months… of directionlessness.

First he had gotten what he wanted from Ty Burna. Then there was nothing.

Nothing to look forward to.

Nothing to aim for.

Nothing.

Then it had gotten worse.

He had allowed himself to believe in a chaotic hope.

That had led him full throttle down the road to despair.

However, before he had arrived at that most disastrous of destinations, he had seen a sign.

An inkling of hope. An inkling of direction.

That hope came in the form of a mystery.

The emotionless man in a box.

So rattled had Barbosa been by this unexpected spark of light that it had not only snapped him out of his growing despair, it had propelled him into a delirium; a delirium that had seen him demonstrate the desperation he felt inside not just to SHIT itself but also to Alhazred and the world as a whole.

And what had he gotten for it?

Ridiculed by the crowd; stonewalled by Alhazred and SHIT had recognised him as being "weak."

Worst of all, Barbosa knew that the mechanical monstrosity was right. He had been grovelling. Almost on his knees before two former Apostles; competitors who were beneath him. He had deserved to be ignored and shoved aside by SHIT in front of the world.

Fortunately, such a dismissive jolt had been the wake up call he had required. In that brief moment that he had stood in the middle of the ring, the despairing fog had lifted. He had remembered who he was.

He was Barbosa. A World Heavyweight Champion; victor of the only 1v1 Hell in a Cell match in company history. He had climbed ladders and chambers, slain giants and instilled fear in the entire roster.

He thrived on chaos.

Being shrugged aside by a glorified jack in the box had finally reawakened him to that.

And look what had happened? Not only had that over-grown egg crate been flattened, another former champion, Professor Kurtsey had been beaten into a pulp, splatted on the outside of the ring.

Maybe that was all the direction he needed. Destruction. Carnage. Brutality. It would give him great satisfaction to "thank" SHIT further for helping him remember that.

But was that enough? He had been on a trail of butchery since Kingdom Come but that alone had failed to get him anywhere.

What was different than before? Was it the increasingly frequent appearances of emotion - anger, depression, desperation - that were hindering him? Making him feel directionless when in the past he would not have cared about where his actions were taking him?

He did not know, so he required more information… more knowledge… more.

SHIT had had no problem accepting inputed direction from Vance Bateman - was it because he was in charge? Did Barbosa need to find someone in the upper echelons of the company to tell him what to do? Should he go back to talking to Myles or ask Bateman or whomever was taking over from Chris KO?

He needed to know how it made those decisions and if SHIT was not going to volunteer the information, maybe it would respond better to an up close, personal and thoroughly destructive encounter with Barbosa. It might not be emotional, but it is unlikely that it would feel nothing about the threat of being ripped apart.

But not before he dealt with Alhazred.

His computer skills might have been responsible for getting Barbosa out of the nut house but that did not give some jumped up, video gamer the right to first stonewall and then blindside him on live television.

He was going to ask Mister Alhazred the question one more time and if he would not give up the secrets of SHIT's lack of care about his lack of direction willingly, then maybe Barbosa would have to do more than just the revenge beating he had planned for him.

Maybe he should inform SHIT of what was going to happen to Alhazred so he could tune in and catch a glimpse into its future should it continue to be a hindrance rather than a help to Barbosa.*

 

[red ass skull muhfukkah]

Mister Alhazred is passed out on his couch. Bottles of beer and whiskey are spread out across his living room. His house, as usual, is a complete mess. He is wearing nothing but whitey tighties, his Power Glove is on the end table next to his head. A small, delicate finger begins poking at his face. He twitches a little bit, turns away and continues to sleep. The finger continues to poke him, a little bit harder this time. His hand shoos the finger away. A high pitched voice is heard.

???: Wake up, Mister Alhazred.

Alhazred: No.

The finger continues to poke him at a faster pace. Finally a hand comes across his face.

???: WAKE UUUUUPPPPPPP!!!

Alhazred jumps up and looks around, he sees a young blonde girl in a buttoned up shirt, tie, and skirt. She smiles at him.

Alhazred: Did we have sex last night?

She frowns, turns her head and shakes it.

Alhazred: Are we going to have sex now?

She shakes her head no.

???: I don’t think you want to have sex with me.

Alhazred: You obviously don’t know me very well.

???: Well considering that I’m the daughter of your dear old pal Mister, I don’t think you’d want to. Name’s Missy, pleasure to meet you Raziel Alhazred.

She extends her hand out to Alhazred and he shakes it.

Missy: You’re probably wondering what the heck I’m doing here, am I right?

Alhazred shrugs.

Missy: Well you see Al; may I have a seat?

Missy wipes the bottles off of the couch, takes a can of Lysol out and sprays couch down before sitting next to him. She throws her arm around him.

Missy: You see Al, you’ve been so down in the dumps lately, that I thought to myself “Hey let’s go cheer him up, he looks like he needs a friend!” Do you need a friend Al?

Alhazred: I guess.

Missy: That’s the spirit! Now lets get you off the couch, into a shower, and then out into the world! You’ve been locked in this world of yours for so long, you need to get out, exercise, and do something exciting for once! For poop sakes you need to live!

Alhazred: I go out all the time, every day in fact.

Missy: To that crummy coffee shop, where you wallow in your tears, feeling bad about yourself while drinking gallons of caffeine? You need to grow up…

She puts her hands in her face and makes a crying motion.

Missy: “Oh all my friends left me, no one likes me I’m so alone, I’m just a loser.” Well you are a loser and it’s your own fault. So your friend abandoned you? Who cares? You don’t need them! Make some new ones! If my father saw what you’ve become he would kicked you in the butt! You realized since he died you have accomplished nothing?

Alhazred: I was in the Apostles of Chaos, we took over the company and created anarchy.

Missy: Yeah and what did that do for you? Look where you are now, Ty kicked the doodoo out of you and now you’re a bigger loser than ever! Snap out of it! You have to start winning and show why people once feared you!

Alhazred: How do I do that?

Missy: By punching Barbosa’s teeth so far down his throat that he’ll have to brush his asshole! Don’t you want to get back at him for what he did to you on Ascension? Aren’t you pissed off that he ruined your chance at revenge on S.H.I.T.?

Alhazred: Yes.

Missy: Well then what are you going to do about it? Are you going to sit here getting drunk and being a little emo baby or are you going to strap on that Power Glove and uppercut Barbosa to the moon?

Alhazred jumps up.

Alhazred: Uppercut him to the moon!

Missy stands up as well.

Missy: Are you going to sit here poisoning your body with alcohol and playing Final Fantasy Tactics over and over again or are you going to march down to that ring and hit him so hard with your spinning back fist that he spins and spins

Missy begins to spin.

Missy: Spins and spins so fast that he turns into a tornado, tears down the building and destroys all the nearby towns?!!

Alhazred: You’re making me dizzy and I wouldn’t want that to happen.

Missy: Why not? It would be awesome! It would be like Twister with all the cows flying in the air! MOOOO! MOOOOO! MOOOOOOOOO!

Alhazred: That movie was terrible.

Missy stops and stares at Alhazred angrily.

Missy: Your attitude is terrible and so is your ring work as of late. When’s the last time you hit the gym? Those arms are like noodles!

She squeezes his arm and he pulls away.

Alhazred: I haven’t had time for the gym I’ve been too busy…um…

Missy: Getting drunk and passing out? Yeah, that’s not gonna help you beat Barbosa. He’s a scary guy and you should be training and preparing for him, he is the real deal Al and if you can beat him one on one, just imagine what it could do for your career!

Alhazred: That’s true; if I beat him it would truly show the world how great my Power Glove truly is! Beating a former World Champion and the most dangerous man on the roster would make those assholes at research lab want to stab themselves in the brain with a pencil for being stupid enough ot doubt my greatness.

Missy: Forget about the glory of your stupid Power Glove, forget about those scientists you’ve been complaining about for a year and a half and for once kick some this guy’s booty for yourself Al!

Alhazred: You’re right, it’s right time someone gave a damn about me, if no one else is I guess it’ll have to be me.

Missy: What the heck was that? What you just said was so sad and depressing I think I’ll go take a nice bubble bath with your toaster! Grow some cajones and stop being a whiny baby!

Alhazred: O….k… you don’t have to be so blunt about it. I’ll fight him for myself and I’ll win damn it! I’ll beat him to a bloody pulp and scream in his face: “You can’t handle the answer you’re looking for Barbosa! Even if I told you the key to S.H.I.T.’s inability to care about his direction; do you think your twisted, disturbed, simpleton mind could possibly comprehend what I would tell you?!”.

Missy: What is the secret?

Alhazred: I’m not telling you.

Missy: Why not? You don’t trust me?

She begins to pout.

Alhazred: I just met you five minutes ago.

Missy springs back into a smile.

Missy: That’s right! Now let’s get going we have a lot of work to do today! Run upstairs, take a shower and put some work out gear! We have to train and strategize so you can punch Barbosa so hard in the chest that his lungs will collapse and he won’t be able to breathe and they’ll have to stop the match because they’ll have to bring him to the hospital but that’s good because if they did that then you would automatically win and not only would you win but you wouldn’t have to tell him your secret because he won’t be able to breathe and he’ll be in the hospital for a long time and if we get really lucky he’ll die and we’ll never ever ever ever never ever never have to worry about that crazy man ever again! You'll beat dat pussy fo sho! Right?!

She turns her head and smiles.

Alhazred: Umm…sure.

Missy: What are you waiting for? GET UPSTAIRS AND CHANGE!

Alhazred runs upstairs as Missy smiles at him and the scene fades to black.