AS36: Action Saxton vs. Baez vs. Steven Kurtesy
- Thread starter Phoenix
- Start date
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Signal Panic, Inc. Presents:
Action Saxton
In
Action Saxton: The Movie: The Movie!
Now I want to tell you a story about a friend I had
Hes a mean musucka and hes super bad!
So sit back in your couch and start relaxin
As I tell you the tale of Action Saxton!
Action Saxton chuckles to himself as his fist connects with the skull of a Puerto Rican ninja in a strange leather mask, sending him flying through a nearby brick wall. Action Saxton shakes the dust off of his fist before turning to his partner-in-beating-up-Puerto-Rican-ninjas, the incomparable Kung Fu Jones.
So sucka, you holding up all right?
Youre damn right Im holding up all right! exclaims Kung Fu Jones, effortlessly striking three ninjas with his patented Nunchuck Slap. This is just like the time you and I teamed up to take on The Man back in 83.
Damn, I cant believe you still remember that, says Action Saxton, wistfully sighing as he backhands a ninja so hard it breaks the sound barrier. I remember when the fiendish Dr. Page tried to control the world by putting mind control drugs in the worlds supply of burritos. That sucka went to every burrito factory in the universe in order to put the drugs in our delicious and cheesy Mexican entrées. All of them, except one.
Kung Fu Jones is juggling three ninjas in the air with the greatest of ease.
I remember that, he says. The burrito plant in Goofy Ridge, Illinois, the largest burrito manufacturing plant in the world.
Action Saxton nods as he throws a ninja into outer space. Kung Fu Jones continues.
We intercepted that jive-ass mother as he was heading for the top floor. We took him out and managed to find the anti-mind control drug that would serve as an antidote to the tainted burritos on his person. We went all over the world, pouring the antidote in every burrito ever made, until the world was safe again.
Action Saxton and Kung Fu Jones survey the carnage that they have created. The bodies of ninjas lay all across the floor. There are scuffmarks all over the nice tile, tainting the Renaissance-era look the building had going. Action Saxton shook his head. If there was one thing he hated, it was a group of ninjas ruining something beautiful. Whoever was behind all this would pay dearly.
The two badass brothers run up the steps of the clock tower as fast as they can. If there was one place an evil mastermind who formulated a plot to push Jupiter into the Great Wall of China using a potato clock and a very angry sentient lightbulb would be staying, it would be there. Up the steps they ran, farther and farther, faster and faster, until finally they reach the door at the top. With no hesitation, they sail through with matching jump-kicks, breaking the door into a million little pieces. Who they saw made Action Saxtons heart run cold.
Aw, HELL no.
Oh, hell YES! exclaims the man in the labcoat, clipboard in one hand and stethoscope in the other. It is I, fiendish Dr. Page, and you, Action Saxton, are about to fall to my nefarious combat skills!
Fiendish Dr. Page rushes forward. Action Saxton does as well, and so does Kung Fu Jones. Together, they clothesline Fiendish Dr. Page out of his boots.
Ouch! coughs Page. No matter. Lets see how you handle this!
He starts to recite a strange incantation the likes of which Action Saxton has never heard before. The sounds of letters and numbers reach his ears, but they mean nothing to him. Kung Fu Jones, on the other hand, collapses to the ground, writhing in pain.
Kung Fu Jones! yells Action Saxton, dropping to his knees to inspect his friend. Wake up, sucka, and tell me what hes done to you!
Kung Fu Jones coughs and blinks, before speaking up. His voice is weary.
Stop him, Action Saxton Hes using science
He resumes his convulsions. Action Saxton stands up, the fury of a thousand suns in his eye. He points at Dr. Page, who is still using science.
Listen up, sucka! Saxton barks. You can poison my burritos, you can try to ram Jupiter into the Earth, and you can scuff up a nice marble floor, but you cant escape my fists of rage! Your ass is going to be pounded into oblivion for what youve done to my friend!
Exciting funk music starts pumping in the background as Action Saxton leaps into the air with a cry and lands a massive kick on fiendish Dr. Pages chest. Page is knocked back by the sheer power of Action Saxtons kick, sending him flying backwards, through the glass of the clock tower face, and down, down, down
Action Saxton walks up to Kung Fu Jones, who by now is sitting up and massaging his head.
You doin all right, sucka?
Yeah, Im fine now, replies Kung Fu Jones. This makes how many times youve saved my ass?
Oh, about five hundred and sixty seven.
Well youve done it again, my man.
I know.
The two men stand side-by-side, gazing out at the landscape stretched in front of them through the face of the broken clock. Narration, provided by Action Saxton himself, plays over the scene.
So watch out, all you schemers and dreamers, because the sucka-slappin, heat-packin, man of the hour, full of badass power Action Saxton is coming to your town to throw down!
THE END
________________
Damn, I love that movie! exclaims Action Saxton from the comfort of his comfortable cream-colored couch, grown from the finest Bolognian couch plants, harvested directly from Tunisia and imported straight to your door. Im gonna have to watch that sucka again.
Action Saxton karate-chops his remote, and a message appears on the screen.
Were sorry!
ACTION SAXTON: THE MOVIE is no longer available to watch on Netflix.
WHAT?!
Action Saxton stands up, fists shaking. With Action Saxton: The Movie no longer available to watch, fewer people will be able to see it. It is the kind of movie everyone in the universe should see at least once in their lifetime, if not more. Without it, orphans will never grow up idolizing what is good and right in this world. Delinquents would never reform knowing that Action Saxton is out for them. Criminals would continue to perform criminal acts. The Great Wall of China would collapse. Terrible, awful things would happen if Action Saxton didnt do something about this unspeakable tragedy. A solitary tear rolls down his face at the thought of the possible consequences.
I dont know what kind of terrible, fiendish person would do such a thing, Action Saxton whispers, But Im just the man to prevent his evil plot from taking hold of this world.
________________
Armed with a collection of five-thousand, six-hundred and forty-two copies of Action Saxton: The Movie, Action Saxton sets to work. He jumps into his vintage 1960 Cadillac Coupe De Ville and prepares for a night on the town, on the city, on the country, on the world. His first stop is the place where these movies could make the most difference The orphanage. Orphans need a hero to look up to, and who better than that paragon of virtue, Action Saxton?
I need to see your orphans! says Action Saxton as he walks into the orphanage with purpose. The pretty secretary stares at him, lust in her eyes that could easily be misconstrued as boredom to the untrained viewer.
What do you need them for?
Now, miss, I have here a stack of movies that will change their sad little lives forever.
The secretary looks Action Saxton up and down, obviously pining for his soft touch at night.
OK, Ill let you see them.
She presses a button and a buzzer sounds. The wall behind her splits in two to reveal Orphans R Us, Americas number one supplier of orphans and orphan accessories. Action Saxton leaps over the counter with his stack of DVDs, ready to save lives.
Hey, orphans! he calls. Get your skinny fat asses over here!
A group of confused orphans do as theyre told. Action Saxton hands each of them a DVD.
Now listen up, suckas, this is Action Saxton: The Movie. You kids need a good role model in your lives, and as the strongest and baddest man in town I think I am perfect and would be honored to be your role model.
A child pipes up.
Action Saxton? I know you from the wrestling show on TV!
The other children agree in unison. Action Saxton smiles.
Thats nice, kids. Why am I your favorite wrestler?
Well, you were, but then you lost to Alex Bowen again!
The kids jeer. They can be so cruel.
What happened with you winning every championship in WZCW, Action Saxton? Why did you have to let us orphans down? Why, Action Saxton, WHY?
Action Saxtons eyes are wet with tears at the childs pleading cries. His fists clench.
No! he chokes. No, kids! I did not let you down! You see, when I said every championship, I did not mean the Mayhem Championship! Anyone just has to look at me to know that I am the baddest sucka in the whole damn company! I dont need a flimsy-ass belt to prove it!
The children look happier. Action Saxton pats the one who spoke up on the head.
But listen to this I promise Im going to win my next match. For you, for the orphans, and for everyone who ever believed in Action Saxton! But I can only do it if you take this free copy of Action Saxton: The Movie, and watch it.
The children cheer as Action Saxton hands out DVDs to everyone in the orphanage. With one final gesture, he marches on out of the orphanage in order to spread the gospel to the world.
________________
Twenty-five hours later, Action Saxton has done it. He has successfully delivered a copy of Action Saxton: The Movie to everyone in the world. He reclines in his vintage 1960 Cadillac Coupe De Ville, and sighs, thinking. Who could have done such a fiendish deed as removing access to the film from those who wished to watch it instantly? Surely only a man so devilish and evil he wanted to taint the orphans. But who could it be?
Suddenly, Action Saxton notices a little slip of paper on his dashboard. He picks it up and begins to read.
Mr. Saxton,
You know who I am. If you want to fight me, meet me at the place you know, at a time you will figure out. Im sure you can do it.
Action Saxton sits up straight in his car, his breathing heavy as the realization hits him like a bolt from the blue. He knows who sent the note. He knows why. And hes going to go and kick his ass.
His foot hits the gas pedal, and Action Saxton speeds off into the night.
Who was it? How can they be stopped? Why did they do it? Find out all this and more in Action Saxton: The Movie 2 Badass Boogaloo!
Action Saxton
In
Action Saxton: The Movie: The Movie!
Now I want to tell you a story about a friend I had
Hes a mean musucka and hes super bad!
So sit back in your couch and start relaxin
As I tell you the tale of Action Saxton!
Action Saxton chuckles to himself as his fist connects with the skull of a Puerto Rican ninja in a strange leather mask, sending him flying through a nearby brick wall. Action Saxton shakes the dust off of his fist before turning to his partner-in-beating-up-Puerto-Rican-ninjas, the incomparable Kung Fu Jones.
So sucka, you holding up all right?
Youre damn right Im holding up all right! exclaims Kung Fu Jones, effortlessly striking three ninjas with his patented Nunchuck Slap. This is just like the time you and I teamed up to take on The Man back in 83.
Damn, I cant believe you still remember that, says Action Saxton, wistfully sighing as he backhands a ninja so hard it breaks the sound barrier. I remember when the fiendish Dr. Page tried to control the world by putting mind control drugs in the worlds supply of burritos. That sucka went to every burrito factory in the universe in order to put the drugs in our delicious and cheesy Mexican entrées. All of them, except one.
Kung Fu Jones is juggling three ninjas in the air with the greatest of ease.
I remember that, he says. The burrito plant in Goofy Ridge, Illinois, the largest burrito manufacturing plant in the world.
Action Saxton nods as he throws a ninja into outer space. Kung Fu Jones continues.
We intercepted that jive-ass mother as he was heading for the top floor. We took him out and managed to find the anti-mind control drug that would serve as an antidote to the tainted burritos on his person. We went all over the world, pouring the antidote in every burrito ever made, until the world was safe again.
Action Saxton and Kung Fu Jones survey the carnage that they have created. The bodies of ninjas lay all across the floor. There are scuffmarks all over the nice tile, tainting the Renaissance-era look the building had going. Action Saxton shook his head. If there was one thing he hated, it was a group of ninjas ruining something beautiful. Whoever was behind all this would pay dearly.
The two badass brothers run up the steps of the clock tower as fast as they can. If there was one place an evil mastermind who formulated a plot to push Jupiter into the Great Wall of China using a potato clock and a very angry sentient lightbulb would be staying, it would be there. Up the steps they ran, farther and farther, faster and faster, until finally they reach the door at the top. With no hesitation, they sail through with matching jump-kicks, breaking the door into a million little pieces. Who they saw made Action Saxtons heart run cold.
Aw, HELL no.
Oh, hell YES! exclaims the man in the labcoat, clipboard in one hand and stethoscope in the other. It is I, fiendish Dr. Page, and you, Action Saxton, are about to fall to my nefarious combat skills!
Fiendish Dr. Page rushes forward. Action Saxton does as well, and so does Kung Fu Jones. Together, they clothesline Fiendish Dr. Page out of his boots.
Ouch! coughs Page. No matter. Lets see how you handle this!
He starts to recite a strange incantation the likes of which Action Saxton has never heard before. The sounds of letters and numbers reach his ears, but they mean nothing to him. Kung Fu Jones, on the other hand, collapses to the ground, writhing in pain.
Kung Fu Jones! yells Action Saxton, dropping to his knees to inspect his friend. Wake up, sucka, and tell me what hes done to you!
Kung Fu Jones coughs and blinks, before speaking up. His voice is weary.
Stop him, Action Saxton Hes using science
He resumes his convulsions. Action Saxton stands up, the fury of a thousand suns in his eye. He points at Dr. Page, who is still using science.
Listen up, sucka! Saxton barks. You can poison my burritos, you can try to ram Jupiter into the Earth, and you can scuff up a nice marble floor, but you cant escape my fists of rage! Your ass is going to be pounded into oblivion for what youve done to my friend!
Exciting funk music starts pumping in the background as Action Saxton leaps into the air with a cry and lands a massive kick on fiendish Dr. Pages chest. Page is knocked back by the sheer power of Action Saxtons kick, sending him flying backwards, through the glass of the clock tower face, and down, down, down
Action Saxton walks up to Kung Fu Jones, who by now is sitting up and massaging his head.
You doin all right, sucka?
Yeah, Im fine now, replies Kung Fu Jones. This makes how many times youve saved my ass?
Oh, about five hundred and sixty seven.
Well youve done it again, my man.
I know.
The two men stand side-by-side, gazing out at the landscape stretched in front of them through the face of the broken clock. Narration, provided by Action Saxton himself, plays over the scene.
So watch out, all you schemers and dreamers, because the sucka-slappin, heat-packin, man of the hour, full of badass power Action Saxton is coming to your town to throw down!
THE END
________________
Damn, I love that movie! exclaims Action Saxton from the comfort of his comfortable cream-colored couch, grown from the finest Bolognian couch plants, harvested directly from Tunisia and imported straight to your door. Im gonna have to watch that sucka again.
Action Saxton karate-chops his remote, and a message appears on the screen.
Were sorry!
ACTION SAXTON: THE MOVIE is no longer available to watch on Netflix.
WHAT?!
Action Saxton stands up, fists shaking. With Action Saxton: The Movie no longer available to watch, fewer people will be able to see it. It is the kind of movie everyone in the universe should see at least once in their lifetime, if not more. Without it, orphans will never grow up idolizing what is good and right in this world. Delinquents would never reform knowing that Action Saxton is out for them. Criminals would continue to perform criminal acts. The Great Wall of China would collapse. Terrible, awful things would happen if Action Saxton didnt do something about this unspeakable tragedy. A solitary tear rolls down his face at the thought of the possible consequences.
I dont know what kind of terrible, fiendish person would do such a thing, Action Saxton whispers, But Im just the man to prevent his evil plot from taking hold of this world.
________________
Armed with a collection of five-thousand, six-hundred and forty-two copies of Action Saxton: The Movie, Action Saxton sets to work. He jumps into his vintage 1960 Cadillac Coupe De Ville and prepares for a night on the town, on the city, on the country, on the world. His first stop is the place where these movies could make the most difference The orphanage. Orphans need a hero to look up to, and who better than that paragon of virtue, Action Saxton?
I need to see your orphans! says Action Saxton as he walks into the orphanage with purpose. The pretty secretary stares at him, lust in her eyes that could easily be misconstrued as boredom to the untrained viewer.
What do you need them for?
Now, miss, I have here a stack of movies that will change their sad little lives forever.
The secretary looks Action Saxton up and down, obviously pining for his soft touch at night.
OK, Ill let you see them.
She presses a button and a buzzer sounds. The wall behind her splits in two to reveal Orphans R Us, Americas number one supplier of orphans and orphan accessories. Action Saxton leaps over the counter with his stack of DVDs, ready to save lives.
Hey, orphans! he calls. Get your skinny fat asses over here!
A group of confused orphans do as theyre told. Action Saxton hands each of them a DVD.
Now listen up, suckas, this is Action Saxton: The Movie. You kids need a good role model in your lives, and as the strongest and baddest man in town I think I am perfect and would be honored to be your role model.
A child pipes up.
Action Saxton? I know you from the wrestling show on TV!
The other children agree in unison. Action Saxton smiles.
Thats nice, kids. Why am I your favorite wrestler?
Well, you were, but then you lost to Alex Bowen again!
The kids jeer. They can be so cruel.
What happened with you winning every championship in WZCW, Action Saxton? Why did you have to let us orphans down? Why, Action Saxton, WHY?
Action Saxtons eyes are wet with tears at the childs pleading cries. His fists clench.
No! he chokes. No, kids! I did not let you down! You see, when I said every championship, I did not mean the Mayhem Championship! Anyone just has to look at me to know that I am the baddest sucka in the whole damn company! I dont need a flimsy-ass belt to prove it!
The children look happier. Action Saxton pats the one who spoke up on the head.
But listen to this I promise Im going to win my next match. For you, for the orphans, and for everyone who ever believed in Action Saxton! But I can only do it if you take this free copy of Action Saxton: The Movie, and watch it.
The children cheer as Action Saxton hands out DVDs to everyone in the orphanage. With one final gesture, he marches on out of the orphanage in order to spread the gospel to the world.
________________
Twenty-five hours later, Action Saxton has done it. He has successfully delivered a copy of Action Saxton: The Movie to everyone in the world. He reclines in his vintage 1960 Cadillac Coupe De Ville, and sighs, thinking. Who could have done such a fiendish deed as removing access to the film from those who wished to watch it instantly? Surely only a man so devilish and evil he wanted to taint the orphans. But who could it be?
Suddenly, Action Saxton notices a little slip of paper on his dashboard. He picks it up and begins to read.
Mr. Saxton,
You know who I am. If you want to fight me, meet me at the place you know, at a time you will figure out. Im sure you can do it.
Action Saxton sits up straight in his car, his breathing heavy as the realization hits him like a bolt from the blue. He knows who sent the note. He knows why. And hes going to go and kick his ass.
His foot hits the gas pedal, and Action Saxton speeds off into the night.
Who was it? How can they be stopped? Why did they do it? Find out all this and more in Action Saxton: The Movie 2 Badass Boogaloo!
Viola Moonlight
I'm Literally Just Here for WZCW
BOOM!
The swinging doors of a hospital corridor blast open as Dr. Sandy Deserts hurriedly makes her way through the building. She passes by multiple rooms and nurses stations until she reaches the Intensive Care Unit, using her security codes to get inside via the staff door. She finds herself in a specialized nurses station where a couple of the personnel find her presence confusing. Ignoring them, Sandy snatches a patients file out of one of the doctor's boxes and heads off before any of the nurses can stop her. She passes by another set of rooms before she enters Room 36 to where Dr. Steven Kurtesy lay on a hospital bed, eyes closed. Sandy puts down her documents on the nearby table and sits down besides Kurtesy, grabbing hold of his hand and giving it a long kiss. Sandy feels his temperature then slowly caresses her hand down his face, causing Kurtesy to wake up. Sandy's face lights up with a smile as Kurtesy gives her as much of a grin in his weakened state, prompting Sandy to him a hug. She sits back down in the chair, keeping hold of his hand.
How are you feeling?
Well... my physical body has seen better days but my spiritual being could not be any more at peace. I've achieved it Sandy: my complete transition from the one that came before. I've removed the omens of my past. Now, only those who "haunt" me are my guiding spirits... I'm free.
Sandy tries to give the best smile she can, confused as if it's really her mentor talking.
I'm happy for you Steven that you and your soul are recovered from these recent events. We were getting a little worried for that you weren't going to pull through. You are a lucky person to be inside of a coma for only a few days. I thought I was going to be without you for the rest of my life, praying that you'd... wake... up.
Sandy slowed her sentence due to the chuckle from Kurtesy that has not only confused Sandy but make her a little angry.
What's so funny about a coma may I ask?
Steven calms down and apologises.
First of all, I wasn't in a coma... well, medically you could call it a coma but this particular version was self-inflicted.
Self-inflicted? You're not under the impression that "Steven" (Holmes) did this to you and you're blaming "Steven" (Kurtesy) for it.
Good analysis from an alert psychiatrist but no. Whilst I was being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance, I felt a wave of relief hit me: the same as the one I described to you earlier to which I feel now and I went into a deep state of, what we call "spiritual hibernation." It may be ignorant of me but I wanted to enjoy the state of bliss for a while before I had to return to the physical world.
Sandy is shocked by this revelation.
So, instead of telling us you were "sleeping" you let us all worry about your health and put you in the ICU for extensive supervision? Is that whats so funny?
From my perspective...
Sandy gives a huge sigh and lets go of Steven's hand, turning her back to him.
It was very ignorant of you.
To which I apologise. To a new Sage this is almost a break-through for me. For me to able to have the mental willpower in a broken physical state to control myself is quite amazing.
At that moment, Sandy realizes something and turns back to Steven.
So if you weren't in a coma and the whole reason you are in here is because we thought you were, why are you still here?
Steven ponders for a second.
We should probably leave.
Sandy and Steven remove all the wires and tubes running through Steven's body. Sandy shuts down the room whilst Steven gets dressed and they both exit the ICU without anyone noticing due to Kurtesy wearing similar clothes as other doctors in the hospital. They slowly walk down the corridor together through the traffic of nurses, doctors and patients, evading any and all mishaps that are occurring.
Although what you did to this hospital was wrong, at least the bright side is I won't have to fill out any paperwork on your behalf for here or WZCW. I hate seeing Myles & Bateman: they always try hitting on me.
I don't seem to recur any memory of us visiting the bosses, ever. I'm pretty sure they still think I'm the company's psychiatrist.
Must have been dreaming then... anyway, you've got your hands full this week. How do you like your Triple Threat match with some Action Saxton and a sprinkle of Baez?
Medium rare.
The two share a laugh before being interrupted by an old folks wheelchair derby going down the corridor with multiple staff members holding cash in the air cheering them on. They press on as the last geriatric gently rolls past them due to drowsiness.
To be perfectly honest, this match is something new to me: something I wouldn't have expected at first but then it hit me... if I've completed my transition then I would be starting anew as a fresh person. What better way to start this second life by competing in a match against other guys who have little to no connection with my former self? It's a sign from my ancestors that I've completed my journey.
Not quite... it holds true going up against Saxton but I think your forgetting about the whole Baez thing that happened last year.
One year ago to be exact... and no, I'm not forgetting as I've already repented. I've already apologised and forgiven those in the Mayhem Division to which I aimed to destroy because of some silly belief with one of those men being Baez. I'm sure he has the kindness in his heart to forgive and forget that incident.
He recently attacked a superhero due to losing out on merchandise sales concerning masks. I don't think he has any kindness.
Ah, my dear Sandy. It is wrong of us to judge people in that way. I believe he has kindness in his heart and that's all that matters. If he happens to haven't got what you say he hasn't, then it will not help him to ride into the sunset victorious as he will be dwelling on the past, something which no longer represents who I am.
I'm confused.
In other words, the little experience we have with each other will not factor into our match. Both he and I have changed since then and have grown as beings, so it will be like facing a totally new person much like Action Saxton. He seems like a nice fellow that I wouldn't mind getting to meet but I fear that our lifestyles would create a culture clash. I might be a wrestler but I'm not one for hostility, something which Saxton is always in the middle of: like his recent movie.
Good movie though.
Indeed. However, this is reality and not the set of some Hollywood action flick. The person that I portray is real and no-one can take that fame away from me. I do not need to imitate or become someone else so I can achieve a higher level of being. All I need to do is be myself and believe in myself and I can achieve anything... and that starts with this Triple Threat match. I have no obstacles standing in my way and I plan to be running full steam ahead into the future, for whatever it holds... and I won't be stopping anytime soon.
Now doctor... let's get the hell out of here before they arrest me for fraud.
Sandy and Steven walk out together through the swinging doors and into the real world, leaving everything else behind them.
Ladies and gentlemen it is my pleasure to introduce the man who defeated Red Mask at Apocalypse. This is Baez!
Backstage on the set, Becky Serra conducts an interview with the one and only Baez. Me! Stepping through, Alisha stands by my side.
After a very impressive victory over your masked rival, what do you plan next? Last time you finished a feud you were totally lost until Chuck pinned Titus on you.
What do I plan to do next? Whelp. Here's some news. Since my win, I went and got myself some sponsorship deals.
You did? Wow!
Yup! As of now, I am sponsored by McDonalds. So Hamburglar, head to the unemployement line. I've also cut a deal with Rent-A-Video. Since it's a pretty small chain back in PR, I'm giving it some notoriety freakin' worldwide. Plus, I can rent any movie for free.
Wow. You really seem to have gotten on the right track.
Well yeah. I just beat a Hollywood actor clean. In my eyes, I'm just as big as any of those 90210 morons. However, I am obviously smarter and more athletic.
Hopefully the paparazzi don't harass you much.
Well that's what the mask is for.
Alisha is seen munching on some french fries behind me and Becky seems to be a bit curious.
Is that a free meal?
Yup. We just got out.
Where's your food?
That reminds me. Some jerk tried to steal it from me when walking here.
Did you catch him?
I delivered the Kickassery on his cheap skull.
And the food?
Kicked his ass with it too.
OK?
Anyway, I was told you would tell me whats next for me this week. So lay it on me. The Baez is feeling impatient.
Well this week at Ascesion you will be featured in a 3 Way match versus Steven Kurtesy and Action Saxton.
So I'm wrestling Sigmund Freud and Samuel Jackson? See? Now everyone in Hollywood want's a fight with me.
But...
I know. I may get sued if I hurt them. Important figures. But in all seriousness, I'm developed a real dislike for that bastard, Saxton. I saw his movies. He treat's Puertorican's like crap. The bastard is a BLACK RACIST! Aw HELL naw! Tell me... He did not just do dat! Ricky Martin is one of the most caring and respectful figures in pop culture history. He's like Michael Jackson but without all the creepy pedophilia hijinks and of course a nose. This Black Dynamite wannabe is insulting my damn heritage. Hey! Saxton! What happens if I make a movie where Martin Luther King is some crazy ninja I happen to beat? Not fun, eh? Listen, when the sound of me kicking your ass goes off, I'll be sure to grab your afro-weighed head, pull your wax covered ear and let you know... Awww Hell YEAH!!
I'm sure Saxton is in for a true fight.
Oh, I'm not done. I haven't forgotten about little doctor Steve. I'm sure it's true you have your PhD on your wall. You got your GTO in the garage. And you got your STD's on your girl. But there's one thing you don't have. Success. Aside from tag teams... What's your deal? Is there anything you can really do by yourself? I mean, you couldn't even steal a belt by yourself. To gain success, dude, you needed help from Doug Freakin' Crashin. Do you really think you can go far without a "patient" by your side? Do you really think you can be successful by just being some dull shrink? Do you know how many jokes can be cracked from a name like "Sandy Deserts"? I'm not so sure she's the one who has sand in her "desert". Keep in mind, this isn't you splitting up with that other useless excuse of a partner, Holmes. This is the real deal. The heavyweight circuit. Where those who don't have Badittude are swallowed whole and crapped with the rest of the feces. Trust me. When I get through with you, AND Foxy Cleopatra, you'll know Kickassery has arrived. *sniff* Badabababah! I'm Lovin' It!
Come on, Becky. McFlurries on me.
Alisha walks by with a crumpled bag in her hands waving at Baez...
Hail To The Killjoy!
Backstage on the set, Becky Serra conducts an interview with the one and only Baez. Me! Stepping through, Alisha stands by my side.
After a very impressive victory over your masked rival, what do you plan next? Last time you finished a feud you were totally lost until Chuck pinned Titus on you.
What do I plan to do next? Whelp. Here's some news. Since my win, I went and got myself some sponsorship deals.
You did? Wow!
Yup! As of now, I am sponsored by McDonalds. So Hamburglar, head to the unemployement line. I've also cut a deal with Rent-A-Video. Since it's a pretty small chain back in PR, I'm giving it some notoriety freakin' worldwide. Plus, I can rent any movie for free.
Wow. You really seem to have gotten on the right track.
Well yeah. I just beat a Hollywood actor clean. In my eyes, I'm just as big as any of those 90210 morons. However, I am obviously smarter and more athletic.
Hopefully the paparazzi don't harass you much.
Well that's what the mask is for.
Alisha is seen munching on some french fries behind me and Becky seems to be a bit curious.
Is that a free meal?
Yup. We just got out.
Where's your food?
That reminds me. Some jerk tried to steal it from me when walking here.
Did you catch him?
I delivered the Kickassery on his cheap skull.
And the food?
Kicked his ass with it too.
OK?
Anyway, I was told you would tell me whats next for me this week. So lay it on me. The Baez is feeling impatient.
Well this week at Ascesion you will be featured in a 3 Way match versus Steven Kurtesy and Action Saxton.
So I'm wrestling Sigmund Freud and Samuel Jackson? See? Now everyone in Hollywood want's a fight with me.
But...
I know. I may get sued if I hurt them. Important figures. But in all seriousness, I'm developed a real dislike for that bastard, Saxton. I saw his movies. He treat's Puertorican's like crap. The bastard is a BLACK RACIST! Aw HELL naw! Tell me... He did not just do dat! Ricky Martin is one of the most caring and respectful figures in pop culture history. He's like Michael Jackson but without all the creepy pedophilia hijinks and of course a nose. This Black Dynamite wannabe is insulting my damn heritage. Hey! Saxton! What happens if I make a movie where Martin Luther King is some crazy ninja I happen to beat? Not fun, eh? Listen, when the sound of me kicking your ass goes off, I'll be sure to grab your afro-weighed head, pull your wax covered ear and let you know... Awww Hell YEAH!!
I'm sure Saxton is in for a true fight.
Oh, I'm not done. I haven't forgotten about little doctor Steve. I'm sure it's true you have your PhD on your wall. You got your GTO in the garage. And you got your STD's on your girl. But there's one thing you don't have. Success. Aside from tag teams... What's your deal? Is there anything you can really do by yourself? I mean, you couldn't even steal a belt by yourself. To gain success, dude, you needed help from Doug Freakin' Crashin. Do you really think you can go far without a "patient" by your side? Do you really think you can be successful by just being some dull shrink? Do you know how many jokes can be cracked from a name like "Sandy Deserts"? I'm not so sure she's the one who has sand in her "desert". Keep in mind, this isn't you splitting up with that other useless excuse of a partner, Holmes. This is the real deal. The heavyweight circuit. Where those who don't have Badittude are swallowed whole and crapped with the rest of the feces. Trust me. When I get through with you, AND Foxy Cleopatra, you'll know Kickassery has arrived. *sniff* Badabababah! I'm Lovin' It!
Come on, Becky. McFlurries on me.
Alisha walks by with a crumpled bag in her hands waving at Baez...
Hail To The Killjoy!
Ladies and gentlemen it is my pleasure to introduce the man who defeated Red Mask at Apocalypse. This is Baez!
Backstage on the set, Becky Serra conducts an interview with the one and only Baez. Me! Stepping through, Alisha stands by my side.
After a very impressive victory over your masked rival, what do you plan next? Last time you finished a feud you were totally lost until Chuck pinned Titus on you.
What do I plan to do next? Whelp. Here's some news. Since my win, I went and got myself some sponsorship deals.
You did? Wow!
Yup! As of now, I am sponsored by McDonalds. So Hamburglar, head to the unemployement line. I've also cut a deal with Rent-A-Video. Since it's a pretty small chain back in PR, I'm giving it some notoriety freakin' worldwide. Plus, I can rent any movie for free.
Wow. You really seem to have gotten on the right track.
Well yeah. I just beat a Hollywood actor clean. In my eyes, I'm just as big as any of those 90210 morons. However, I am obviously smarter and more athletic.
Hopefully the paparazzi don't harass you much.
Well that's what the mask is for.
Alisha is seen munching on some french fries behind me and Becky seems to be a bit curious.
Is that a free meal?
Yup. We just got out.
Where's your food?
That reminds me. Some jerk tried to steal it from me when walking here.
Did you catch him?
I delivered the Kickassery on his cheap skull.
And the food?
Kicked his ass with it too.
OK?
Anyway, I was told you would tell me whats next for me this week. So lay it on me. The Baez is feeling impatient.
Well this week at Ascesion you will be featured in a 3 Way match versus Steven Kurtesy and Action Saxton.
So I'm wrestling Sigmund Freud and Samuel Jackson? See? Now everyone in Hollywood want's a fight with me.
But...
I know. I may get sued if I hurt them. Important figures. But in all seriousness, I'm developed a real dislike for that bastard, Saxton. I saw his movies. He treat's Puertorican's like crap. The bastard is a BLACK RACIST! Aw HELL naw! Tell me... He did not just do dat! Ricky Martin is one of the most caring and respectful figures in pop culture history. He's like Michael Jackson but without all the creepy pedophilia hijinks and of course a nose. This Black Dynamite wannabe is insulting my damn heritage. Hey! Saxton! What happens if I make a movie where Martin Luther King is some crazy ninja I happen to beat? Not fun, eh? Listen, when the sound of me kicking your ass goes off, I'll be sure to grab your afro-weighed head, pull your wax covered ear and let you know... Awww Hell YEAH!!
I'm sure Saxton is in for a true fight.
Oh, I'm not done. I haven't forgotten about little doctor Steve. I'm sure it's true you have your PhD on your wall. You got your GTO in the garage. And you got your STD's on your girl. But there's one thing you don't have. Success. Aside from tag teams... What's your deal? Is there anything you can really do by yourself? I mean, you couldn't even steal a belt by yourself. To gain success, dude, you needed help from Doug Freakin' Crashin. Do you really think you can go far without a "patient" by your side? Do you really think you can be successful by just being some dull shrink? Do you know how many jokes can be cracked from a name like "Sandy Deserts"? I'm not so sure she's the one who has sand in her "desert". Keep in mind, this isn't you splitting up with that other useless excuse of a partner, Holmes. This is the real deal. The heavyweight circuit. Where those who don't have Badittude are swallowed whole and crapped with the rest of the feces. Trust me. When I get through with you, AND Foxy Cleopatra, you'll know Kickassery has arrived. *sniff* Badabababah! I'm Lovin' It!
Come on, Becky. McFlurries on me.
Alisha walks by with a crumpled bag in her hands waving at Baez...
Hail To The Killjoy!
Backstage on the set, Becky Serra conducts an interview with the one and only Baez. Me! Stepping through, Alisha stands by my side.
After a very impressive victory over your masked rival, what do you plan next? Last time you finished a feud you were totally lost until Chuck pinned Titus on you.
What do I plan to do next? Whelp. Here's some news. Since my win, I went and got myself some sponsorship deals.
You did? Wow!
Yup! As of now, I am sponsored by McDonalds. So Hamburglar, head to the unemployement line. I've also cut a deal with Rent-A-Video. Since it's a pretty small chain back in PR, I'm giving it some notoriety freakin' worldwide. Plus, I can rent any movie for free.
Wow. You really seem to have gotten on the right track.
Well yeah. I just beat a Hollywood actor clean. In my eyes, I'm just as big as any of those 90210 morons. However, I am obviously smarter and more athletic.
Hopefully the paparazzi don't harass you much.
Well that's what the mask is for.
Alisha is seen munching on some french fries behind me and Becky seems to be a bit curious.
Is that a free meal?
Yup. We just got out.
Where's your food?
That reminds me. Some jerk tried to steal it from me when walking here.
Did you catch him?
I delivered the Kickassery on his cheap skull.
And the food?
Kicked his ass with it too.
OK?
Anyway, I was told you would tell me whats next for me this week. So lay it on me. The Baez is feeling impatient.
Well this week at Ascesion you will be featured in a 3 Way match versus Steven Kurtesy and Action Saxton.
So I'm wrestling Sigmund Freud and Samuel Jackson? See? Now everyone in Hollywood want's a fight with me.
But...
I know. I may get sued if I hurt them. Important figures. But in all seriousness, I'm developed a real dislike for that bastard, Saxton. I saw his movies. He treat's Puertorican's like crap. The bastard is a BLACK RACIST! Aw HELL naw! Tell me... He did not just do dat! Ricky Martin is one of the most caring and respectful figures in pop culture history. He's like Michael Jackson but without all the creepy pedophilia hijinks and of course a nose. This Black Dynamite wannabe is insulting my damn heritage. Hey! Saxton! What happens if I make a movie where Martin Luther King is some crazy ninja I happen to beat? Not fun, eh? Listen, when the sound of me kicking your ass goes off, I'll be sure to grab your afro-weighed head, pull your wax covered ear and let you know... Awww Hell YEAH!!
I'm sure Saxton is in for a true fight.
Oh, I'm not done. I haven't forgotten about little doctor Steve. I'm sure it's true you have your PhD on your wall. You got your GTO in the garage. And you got your STD's on your girl. But there's one thing you don't have. Success. Aside from tag teams... What's your deal? Is there anything you can really do by yourself? I mean, you couldn't even steal a belt by yourself. To gain success, dude, you needed help from Doug Freakin' Crashin. Do you really think you can go far without a "patient" by your side? Do you really think you can be successful by just being some dull shrink? Do you know how many jokes can be cracked from a name like "Sandy Deserts"? I'm not so sure she's the one who has sand in her "desert". Keep in mind, this isn't you splitting up with that other useless excuse of a partner, Holmes. This is the real deal. The heavyweight circuit. Where those who don't have Badittude are swallowed whole and crapped with the rest of the feces. Trust me. When I get through with you, AND Foxy Cleopatra, you'll know Kickassery has arrived. *sniff* Badabababah! I'm Lovin' It!
Come on, Becky. McFlurries on me.
Alisha walks by with a crumpled bag in her hands waving at Baez...
Hail To The Killjoy!
- Status
