*As Stacy Madison cuts the Wildman off, Kravinoff turns his attention to the woman with the microphone. Barbosa lets out a sigh of relief and slips quietly into the background.*
Kravinoff: Welly, welly, welly. If it isn’t Miss “Not Good Enough To Appear At Kingdom Come.”
*Stacy shoots Kravinoff a look of pure score as the man from Uganda folds his arms and nonchalantly returns her gaze.*
Stacey: Is there any chance we can get through this interview without you bringing that up again?
*Kravinoff shrugs.*
Kravinoff: As long as you don’t interrupt me the next time the mood strikes me to throw down a dissertation on Neanderthal culture.
Stacey: Oh, no problem. The skills I’ve learned in journalism courses over the years helps insulate from that problem 99% of the time.
*Kravinoff nods with a look of satisfaction on his face, clearly not sensing Stacy’s sarcasm. In the background, Barbosa is half paying attention to the conversation as he plays with his new mask.*
Stacey: OK then. This week on Ascension, you and Barbosa team up to go against the combination of Steven Holmes and Dr. Steven Kurtesy, who will be teaming together for the first time since the Lethal Lottery. Are you prepared to take on the former World Tag Team Champions?
Kravinoff: No doubt, Stacy. Just look at the last time those two teamed up. They lost to my old buddy, Wasabi Toyota. If that repressed oaf can defeat them, then surely the star of the Pride Of Toyota will have no problem bringing them to their knees.
*Barbosa nods casually in the background.*
Kravinoff: But this isn’t just about proving I’m better than Wasabi Toyota. This is about revenge. At Unscripted, the Crashin Movement took me out at the behest of their wise, uninhibited leader. Now while I’ve commended their ability to channel their id’s hunger for domination, I knew the time for revenge would come eventually and that in a fair fight, I would slaughter the Movement. That time is here. And without their visionary leader at their side, Kurtesy and Holmes are no match for my animal instincts.
*Stacy nods receptively before moving on.*
Stacey: When the issue of trust comes up, do you feel you have as much in your partner as your opponents have in one another?
*Kravinoff looks back at Barbosa, meets his eyes, and smiles warmly before turning back to Stacy.*
Kravinoff: Of course. I trust that man with my life.
Stacey: Even after what happened at Kingdom Come.
*Barbosa gives Stacy the stink eye.*
Kravinoff: No doubt. I don’t hold any ill-will towards Barbosa over what happened at Kingdom Come. I blame management.
Stacey: I don’t know why. Order of entryin the Elimination Chamber was determined through a random draw.
Kravinoff: That’s not what I read on several internet message boards.
Stacey: Oh no...
Kravinoff: Oh no?
Stacey: Those boards are filled with nothing but conspiracy theories and speculation.
*Kravinoff chuckles heartily and shakes his head.*
Kravinoff: Stacy, Stacy, Stacy. Poor, naive Stacy… They’re not theories. They’re facts. WZCW management fears the prospect of me getting a World Heavyweight Championship match so they’ve been stacking the deck against me. At Kingdom Come, they made me start the match with my ally to put me at a disadvantage. Then they told the referee to screw me out of the match with some sort of double-pin when it was clear as day to myself and everybody else that I’d eliminated Kurtesy.
Stacey: Umm… That wasn’t clear to me.
Kravinoff: What the hell do you know? You weren’t even at Kingdom Come.
*Stacy glares with malice as Barbosa struggles to chuckle on account of his wired jaw.*
Kravinoff: This isn’t even the first time WZCW management has screwed me out of a title shot. Oh no. Back at the Lethal Lottery, you can clearly see a referee communicating with the other competitors before they gang up on me. Whoever’s in those earpieces the refs wear was orchestrating a mass beat down on me to prevent me from taking my rightful place in the main event of Kingdom Come. Management doesn’t want me anywhere near the big belt. They’re afraid of me.
*Stacy shrugs in exacerbation.*
Stacey: Okay… Let’s say, for the sake of conversation, that management is out to get you. Why? What makes them fear you?
Kravinoff: Institutional racism.
*Barbosa shakes his head disapprovingly in the background as Stacy’s jaw hits the floor.*
Stacey: You’re… white.
Kravinoff: No, Stacy. That’s racist what you did right there. I won’t be judged by the color of my skin. I’m a proud member of the African race. And that turns management off.
Stacey: I’m… speechless.
*Kravinoff nods.*
Kravinoff: I was shocked too. But this setback can’t keep a proud African man down, especially not one who’s as talented as me. I am the deserving number one contender, and sooner or later, the people will realize that it’s only right that I get my chance to gut Ty Burna like a penguin. As I barrel through the roster, it’ll quickly become apparent that I’m the African King, the King of the Jungle, and that there’s nobody else who can take the belt from Ty.
*Barbosa’s look changes to one of ire as he tries to mumble something through his wired jaw. Kravinoff smiles and nods.*
Kravinoff: Even Barbosa agrees with me. He knows I’d make a damn fine number one contender. And after I beat Steve Kurtesy one more time, it’s straight to the top for me.
*Stacy looks perplexed by this assertion.*
Stacey: Have you ever beaten Kurtesy?
Kravinoff: Of course. I beat him at Kingdom Come. I wish you could have been there. It was awesome.
Stacey: No, no, no. I mean have you ever beaten him decisively?
Kravinoff: Sure. I beat him in a tag match back at Ascension 15.
Stacey: I don’t think so. If I recall correctly, Toyota pinned Doug Crashin in that match.
*Kravinoff seems to be getting annoyed at this point.*
Kravinoff: Well Toyota and Crashin certainly had nothing to do with me making Kurtesy tap out at Ascension 19.
Stacey: But he only tapped out to conserve energy for the number one contendership battle royal later that match. A match which, by the way, led to Kurtesy doing something you’ve never done: Actually becoming number one contender.
*Kravinoff shakes his head in frustration.*
Kravinoff: Fine. Because you doubt me, Kurtesy is going to the hospital. No ifs, ands, or buts.
*Barbosa fist pumps in the background.*
Kravinoff: You be sure to visit him while he’s there and let him know that the only reason I tried to cripple him is because you doubt my abilities, Miss Madison.
*Kravinoff begins to twitch under his left eye as Stacy stares on, stunned. Barbosa is smiling widely in the background.*
Stacey: Are you alright?
Kravinoff: Oh, I’m swell. It’s everyone else you need to worry about because until people stop doubting that I used a giraffe’s neck to choke an elephant to death, it’s open season on anyone who stands in my way. There will be no question from here on out that I am a man of my word.
*Kravinoff is visibly shaken by Stacy’s doubt.*
Stacey: You know, it’s a tag match. It’s entirely possible you won’t even lock horns with Kurtesy.
Kravinoff: Then I have no problem trying my luck with Steven Holmes. If there’s one man in WZCW who needs some humbling, it’d be him. All the man has done for the last couple months is drag his feet backstage and lament how Doug Crashin, the man who helped him raise his profile, was holding him back. It’s been elite this and elite that, constantly trying to get people to listen to how he deserves a shot at the Elite X Championship. But that’s the farthest thing from the reality of the situation. The last time Holmes was tasked with fending for himself in a big match situation, Baez tied him to a ladder and put him in his place. And that’s Baez. I’m mere days removed from eliminating a man vastly superior to Baez, that being Gordito, in K-FAD. If Holmes couldn’t even beat Baez, how does he think he’s going to make a name at the expense of myself or Barbosa? Better yet, how does he think he’s going to compete with proper champions down the road?
Like most rich people, Holmes has been living in the bubble. Holmes has been living in the bubble of the tag division. And as a result, he’s been able to rationalize to himself that his lack of success comes down to his partner, be that Kurtesy or Crashin. Well it’s time for a reality check. Steven Holmes isn’t in my league and if he tries me, I’m going to wrap my arm around his neck, drop him on the back of his head, and bend his spine back until he passes out. If Kurtesy wants no part of me, I’m going to make sure his friend needs the help of a machine to inhale. And as modern medicine lets Holmes cling to life, he’s going to feebly communicate to his partner how Hunter Kravinoff made him see the white light at the end of the tunnel. One way or another, people will see that standing in my way is as close to a death sentence as WZCW management can give.
I promise you, nobody will ever overlook me again.
*Before Stacy can respond, Kravinoff turns abruptly to Barbosa and gestures for the Tripolar Superstar to follow him.*
Kravinoff: Let’s bounce, mah n*gga.
*Stacy gasps audibly as Kravinoff and Barbosa walk confidently from the scene.*