The following is a paid for presentation by Kaizer Wilhelm Wunderbar
A WW logo fades to an American flag flapping in the wind
America, a land of freedom
The image changes to footage of prison doors slamming
A land of Integrity
President Nixon declaring that when the president does it, that means that it is not illegal
A land where all people are born equal under God
A Reverend preaches to his congregation that God hates ****
Guten Abend, ich bin Das Kaizer Wilhelm Wunderbar und Sie sind Arschlöcher American. I have paid for this time on your televisions for two reasons: firstly because you Americans are so obsessed with money that I had no alternative; und secondly because I want to publicise my debut at Ascension 19 against that Arschloch Andrew Simmons; and because you Americans spend your lives growing obese in front of your Fernseher, buying this time on it is the logical reason to do so.
Because you watching this are Americans, you are ignorant fools and thus I shall have to enlighten you about who I am and why I will kill that symbol of all that is wrong with your country when we face eachother at WZCW Ascention 19. As I have told you, I am Das Kaizer Wilhelm Wunderbar. You may be wondering why my name is different from yours and all of your friends names. That is because I am German, and therefore better than you. However being born German is not the only reason I am better than you. I am better than you because EVERYTHING I possess I have had to fight for tooth and nail. I had to fight, because my father died for American sins. He died because corporate Fotzen in head office traded safety for profit. They lost their jobs for their mistakes. My father and many other brave German men lost their lives for them. Hardly a fair exchange, no? However, fighting for every scrap and climbing from rock bottom to where I am now has made me stronger than any one of you sedentary sacks of could possibly dream of being. That is all that any of you culturally ignorant fools need to know about me. That I am superior to each and every one of you in every way.
My opponent on the other hand, is everything that I am not, everything that I despise. In many ways we are the same. We are both orphans, weve made it from the gutter to WZCW and we both believe innocent people died for others sins. However, that is where the similarities end. Where Simmons was content to live on the streets until he was saved by his trainer, I never waited for help. I never wanted help and I never needed it. Andrew Simmons believes he was touched by god and that he is lucky to be where he is. I say he is a pathetic man too afraid and too weak to help himself. The fact is, Andrew Simmons saviours both spiritual and physical simply provide strength that he does not have. His religion provided the strength to survive. Its easy to live on the streets alone and unloved when God is watching over you and testing you, and that those who you loved have gone to a far better place. His trainer pulled him out of the gutter, whipped him into shape and got him an interview with WZCW. It is easy to achieve your goals when you have someone working harder than you are to ensure that you can reach them. This reliance on others has made him weak. If a man cannot stand on his own two feet as Simmons cannot, he is a child.
Andrew Simmons, I have said this before and I shall no doubt say it again but you are everything I am not. You are weak, I am strong. You need others, I need only myself. At Ascention 19 you will lose and I will win. Andrew Simmons you will be the first body to pave my path to glory, but you shall not be the last. At Ascention 19 you will HEIL... DAS... KAIZER!
The preceeding was paid for by Kaizer Wilhelm Wunderbar.
