AS 67: Saboteur vs. Steven Holmes

[Kermit]

A bipolar match-up if there ever was one. One man walked out of KC with gold, while the other did not. Now, these two off-setting superstars will tangle in an epic encounter as Saboteur copes with the loss of his partner, and Holmes copes with the loss of his gold.

Deadline is Tuesday (August 20, 2013) at 11:59 P.M. (Central Time). Extensions are allowed via request.​

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

We open our scene in a dimly lit gymnasium. The grim, yolk yellow light is caused by a poor, potentially ancient light bulb. It surges and burns over and over with static noises omitting from it. We pan down to see a singular soul sat in the ring. His appearance is shrouded in mystery; he wears a hoody and shorts. His fists are taped as if preparing for a legitimate fight. His head is dipped as he casts a long shadow across the ring. As we get a closer look at the ring, we see it is a bleak grey and in fact deeply dusty. Surrounding it is a look at the past. A thick coat of grime covers all, but we can just about make out posters celebrating some of the gyms past stars and prodigies. We scan across them for a brief moment before we pause at one clearly defined poster of a product of the gym; former World Heavyweight Champion Steven Holmes. It is then that we fade back to a closer look at the hooded individual sat in the ring.

We still can’t quite make out the face, but as the bulb surges bright, we catch it for a few mere seconds; we catch the face of Steven Holmes. He has bags under the eyes and a scowl on his face. As the bulb flashes once more, we see Holmes’ skin appears pale almost as if he has hidden in vamparic fashion from the sun. His stare is a thousand miles long. He is deep in thought. Then, without opening his mouth we begin to hear from Holmes. His thoughts are manifesting:

I sit in my empire of dirt. I sit in the ashes of victory.

There is a pauses as Holmes cranks his neck, almost working his way to telling us his story here.

At Kingdom Come I should have won. I should have solidified my place on top of the mountain. I should have claimed victory. I should be champion. But I sit here and what do I have?

Holmes turns his attention to the surrounding posters much as we the viewer did earlier on. He catches an old poster of him. He chuckles lightly, his expression never changing; he remains stony faced.

An echo. I have the past. I have history. I have my omnipotence. I am now and forever, but in forever I am only an echo. I fought so hard, clawed so much and dipped so low to reign happy and glorious and still I fell. Still I lost.

Moving his attention away from the poster, Holmes takes a look at his taped fists, examining them as best he can in the blinking light.

I dropped Drake Callahan on his skull. I kicked out of his grandest manoeuvre. I broke David Cougar’s spirit and consummated my relationship with a queen on his trademark; the WZCW World Heavyweight Championship. And despite all that, despite my grandiose, my grandeur and my greatness I could not finish what I started. I could not burn down their domain. I still came out a loser. No more a king than a peasant.

Holding out the palms of his hands, Holmes looks at the detail of the tape around his palms. He examines each crease and tear caused by him.

This tape was torn by my hands. It was constructed by me. It is a mere testament to me. Anyone can create a battle ready pair of fists and yet I am supposedly an “Elite”. What sets me aside? Why am I superior, especially in light of this setback?

Then, suddenly Holmes crushes his fingers back into his palms creating a pair of fists.

What makes me better? What makes me superior? Oh let me count the ways.

For the first time, Holmes rises up to two feet. He does so slowly and dramatically, his fists not leaving his sides.

I was born with richer blood with greater presence with superior genetics to everyone who has ever set foot in this ring. I ascended to the top of the mountain and sat upon the ultimate throne, standing above even the heavens as I cast my judgment. I slaughtered countless foes and butchered pathetic mongrels who dared lay their filth ridden hands on me. I rose above them all and I reigned. True my championship may be no longer in my presence, but now and forever I am World Heavyweight Champion. I am forever the king. I am God and I shine in the omnipotence of that title.

Raising his head upwards, Holmes basks in the “glow” of the buzzing light. He even starts to move those arms of his, extending them outwards, unfurling his hands to stand messiah like in the ring.

I am better now, forever and always and I will regain what belongs to me. There can be no way that it can be denied from me. I will use all the resources at my disposal, all my tricks and use all the power I have to regain what belongs to me and I will wield the sword of justice to send David Cougar down just as I did before. I will end his reign and I shall stand with Celeste Crimson, arm in arm and we will bask in the glow of victory just as I do in the dim darkness now.

Holmes moves his hands towards his face and pushes the hood back to reveal his face and hair fully for the first time.

She and I will stand atop a mound of bodies dripping in vengeance and laced with carnage. There we shall re-consummate our relationship and repeat history by doing so atop David Cougar’s logo in the Heavyweight Championship. Then and there shall it truly become mine once more, having overwhelmed the dirt that Cougar left on it. My sullied prize shall be a glorious piece of gold again.

A sick smile breaks out across Holmes’ face. He closes his eyes whilst taking in this dream like scenario.

But first there is a court jester to take care of.

Holmes’ eyes snap open, his dream quickly melting away as he focuses on the near future.

A fool, a freak, a fiend. He is an invader in my kingdom of glory. He is standing at the gate, daring me to face him and indeed I shall. While I recover, recuperate and prepare for my second ascension to the summit, he blocks the entrance, two championships weighing heavy on his shoulders. He has just lost something too; a friend. While I was robbed of my throne, he was bidding farewell to his greatest ally which leaves him alone, vulnerable and unable to summon back-up. Saboteur likes to make jokes and have a buddy to back him up but now he is all on his lonesome and despite somehow keeping the tag team championships all to himself he will not defeat me because cannot defeat me. The measure of my victory is only made considerably easier with the lack of Action Saxton; my win was never in doubt though.

And so it begins again, the assault on Mount Olympus. I prepare for a hazardous journey and my first port of call will be Ascension where I shall let it be known to all that I am coming for the World Heavyweight Championship in the very near future and it will also be the site where I behead Saboteur. It shall be there that I lock him into my submission, the blood vessels coursing in his face before exploding all over and the oxygen slowly leaking from his lungs. It shall be there that he learns that in the end, Aristocracy Reigns.

Holmes looks directly at us, the audience and a slithering smirk snakes its way across his face before he starts to chuckle. The bulb finally gives out in this gym as the sinister cackle reverberates around us, bringing our chapter to a climax.

 

[JGlass]

Garrett, who you may remember as Saboteur’s kidnapped roommate and best friend, is frantically darting around the halls of Saboteur tower, opening each door he passes and calling for his friend.

Garrett: Saboteur? Are you in here? Saboteur!? Where the hell are you?

Garrett has been searching for Saboteur for hours and is starting to give up hope that he’ll be able to find him in tower. Is it possible that Saboteur left the building? No, the doorman said that he hadn’t seen Saboteur leave since returning from the airport. Shortly after Saxton and Saboteur’s victory over Sam Smith and Rush at Kingdom Come, Saboteur saw his tag team partner and Blackademy Award winning actor, Action Saxton, off as the coolest cat in WZCW history started a new chapter of his life in China. When Saboteur returned to the office he disappeared into his bedroom, but nobody ever saw him leave. After weeks of not having seen Saboteur, Garrett decided to locate his friend, but has had no luck in his search.

Having checked all the rooms in the tower, Garrett gives up, collapsing onto a couch in Saboteur’s office.

Garrett: I’ve looked everywhere. I guess he just doesn’t want to be found right now.

Garrett sighs and starts to sink into the couch, but he notices something interesting on the bookshelf in Saboteur’s office.

Garrett: A book? Saboteur doesn’t own any books…

Garrett gets up to examine the lone book on the massive bookshelf. The book doesn’t seem to indicate in any way what might lie beneath its cover. It could be chivalrous tale of knights and dragons, an in-depth study of the Battle of Agincourt, or a saucy erotic novel featuring a French maid and a barbaric street thug, but there’s no way of telling without opening it up. Garrett grabs the book, but is unable to remove it from the self. Instead, the book sticks like a lever, and the bookcase rotates, revealing a secret room!

Saboteur: Meet your death, you black hearted witch!

Garrett is then pelted with a barrage of water balloons as he fights his way into Saboteur’s hideout.

Garrett: Saboteur! What the hell!? It’s me!

Saboteur drops his last water balloon and it explodes at his feet.

Saboteur: Sorry Garrett, I thought you were someone else. You can’t be too careful, you know?

Saboteur turns around and begins to study something on white board that is cluttered with various pictures and lines connecting them.

Garrett: Who did you think I was? And why did you throw water balloons at me? And most importantly… where are we?

Saboteur: We’re in the most secure room in Saboteur Tower, Garrett.

Somewhere in China…

Action Saxton is standing in front of a large group of ninjas leading them in some sort of lesson. He is very focused on his work, but suddenly he tilts his head as if he heard something. He exits his combative pose as his students all hold theirs, curious as to what has distracted their master. Action Saxton’s brow furrows and he looks to the sky as he yells…

Action Saxton: SAXTON TOWER!

Saboteur: There are no windows to this room, no air ducts to crawl through, and only one entrance that is brilliantly and uniquely disguised as a bookshelf. There’s no way anybody could find me here… or so I thought.

Garrett: Yeah, you might want to invest in more books if you want to make the secret lever stand out less. But you didn’t answer my other questions: who did you think I was? And seriously, water balloons? You own two swords and at least one pistol, probably more.

Saboteur puts his face in his palm and shakes his head.

Saboteur: Obviously you’ve never seen the documentary film called, “The Wizard of Oz.” If you had, you’d know that the only way to kill a witch is by melting her with water. Well, I suppose you can crush her with a house as well, but if I wanted to do that I’d need a tornado and probably a dog… it’s just too much. Water balloons was definitely the way to go on this one.

Garrett: You seriously think that you’re being hunted by a witch?

Saboteur: Not just any witch, Garrett. Oh no, this one is the most powerful witch in the world. She’s not only blended into society, but she’s convinced the masses to love her! She’s an Emmy, Grammy, Tony, Oscar winning son of a gun, and she’s trying to kill me!

Garrett: Wait… you’re not talking about…

Saboteur: That’s right Garrett, I’m talking about…

Saboteur spins around and points to the picture at the center of his white board.

Saboteur: Whoopi Goldberg!

Saboteur Adventures Vol. 12 Ep. 1: All Alone​

Saboteur is now pacing around his secret room. There’s not much to the room itself. There is a cot in the corner with sheets and pillows strewn about, the white board Saboteur has been working on, and a mini-fridge, which interestingly enough is placed between a toilet and sink.

Saboteur: Don’t you see Garrett? Whoopi Goldberg used her massive pull in the entertainment industry to force Saxton out of WZCW. I mean, hundred year old onion kung-fu masters don’t just die… clearly Master Chop Onion was poisoned by Whoopi Goldberg. She knew that he’d name Saxton as his replacement, and that Saxton wouldn’t be able to say no! With Saxton gone, I am the only one able to defend the tag team championship belts, and even a great wrestler like myself will struggle in any two on one situation! But they know I won’t give these belts up easily, oh no! So instead of waiting out my championship reign, the suits that run WZCW are going to have me killed! And who did the hire to do the job? Whoopi Goldberg! You see? It’s all connected!

Garrett wipes his eyes, half in frustration, half in disbelief, before responding to Saboteur.

Garrett: So… wow.

Saboteur: I know, only a mind as great as mine could unravel a conspiracy as massive as this as quickly as I have. Eat your heart out Drake Callahan!

Garrett: Yeah… but why would WZCW have Master Chop Onion killed, thus forcing Action Saxton out of WZCW?

Saboteur: That wasn’t WZCW’s decision, that was Whoopi Goldberg’s! You see, Whoopi is one of the few people to ever EGOT, winning one of each of the four major awards in American entertainment. But she knew Saxton was getting very close to winning the exact same award.

You see, Saxton was being contacted to be part of a song for an upcoming film called, “Hard Times for an Underprivileged Minority.” And this wasn’t just any old song, it was a song with so much heart, passion, and soul… it’s the type of crap that award show judges eat up. The song would go platinum and win him a Grammy and it would have been featured in the Hard Times for an Underprivileged Minority, and that would win him an Oscar! Then the movie would be made into a Broadway musical, and he’d get a Tony. From there it’s only a matter of time before he would do a live performance of the song on America's Got Singers...

Garrett: And he'd win an Emmy for the performance.

Saboteur: Exactly. He would have surely EGOT’d, thus making Whoopi’s accomplishment look less impressive. But Saxton is too high profile to kill, so instead, Whoopi forced him to go all the way to China, where he would be unable to complete the EGOT’ing dream.

Garrett: Okay… but then why does WZCW want to kill you? Why not just wait until you drop the titles?

Saboteur: Because Garrett… I’m not going to drop the titles. Anyone who wants a shot at the titles can come get one, but they will not win. I’ve spent the last year working for these titles, and I will not give them up easily.

Garrett: Can’t they just strip you of the titles?

Saboteur: Sure, they can strip me of the titles… but the only way I’m giving them back is if Vance Bateman himself pries them out of my cold, dead hands.

Garrett: Fair enough… but why Whoopi? What has you convinced that she’s behind all of this?

Saboteur: Because it couldn’t be anyone else. I’ve looked into the other possibilities: Joe Pesci, Joan Rivers, Tom Jones, Jerry Jones, James Earl Jones, Armando Paradyse…

Saboteur turns around to study his whiteboard again, double-checking his work to see if he made a mistake. He shakes his head before continuing.

Saboteur: None of it makes sense unless it’s Whoopi Goldberg. It has to be.

Garrett: So, to recap: you think Whoopi Goldberg killed Master Chop Onion to prevent Action Saxton from EGOT’ing, thus causing WZCW to hire her to kill you so that they can move the tag team titles onto someone else.

Saboteur: Precisely.

Garrett gabs Saboteur by the shoulder and turns him around.

Garrett: Saboteur, you need to snap out of it. I get that it’s easier to come up with this whole crazy conspiracy explaining why Saxton left and why things are the way they are, but the fact of the matter is that shit happens, and we have to deal with it.

Saboteur pushes Garrett’s hand off of his shoulder.

Saboteur: I know it sounds crazy, Garrett, but I’ve been in here for weeks now. I’ve studied the possibilities, and this is the only way it makes sense. Whoopi Goldberg is out to get me. All I need to know now is who is she working with.

Garrett: Saboteur, you need to stop this and focus on your wrestling career! You’re still the tag-team champion, and you still have to defend those belts come Redemption.

Saboteur: I’ll worry about that when the time comes. In the mean time, I need to put all my focus on stopping Whoopi Goldberg.

Garrett: The time to worry is now! You have a match with Steven Holmes this week!

Saboteur: Of course! Steven Holmes has both the money and the influence to hire someone like Whoopi Goldberg to take me out of the picture. Not only would this get him on the good side of the WZCW management, but it would also free up the tag team titles for him and that freaky-eyed girlfriend of his.

Garrett: Enough with the conspiracy theories Saboteur! Look, you may have lost your tag team partner, but he lost his World Title, and he’s going to be pissed. You aren’t ready for this match!

Saboteur’s shoulders drop and his brow furrows as he slowly turns around to face Garrett.

Saboteur: Not ready? Not… ready? Did you forget who I am, Garrett?

Garrett looks at Saboteur, puzzled.

Saboteur: I am not some rookie walking into the ring blind folded, Garrett. I am not some helpless animal walking towards the slaughterhouse. I am the man that ended Ty Burna’s streak. I am the man that has beaten every tag team this company has thrown at me for the past year. The list of names I have defeated in this company reads as a who’s who of WZCW. And not for nothing, but Holmes is on that list.

Perhaps you think of me as some sort of comedian; as a jokester that is more interested in pleasing the fans than defeating his opponent. Well let me tell you something, Garrett, I didn’t win the tag titles by making jokes; I won them by beating the ever-loving crap out of my opponents until they couldn’t get up. I won them by being physically and mentally superior. I won them by being dominant.

Saxton and I faced Sam Smith and Rush at Kingdom Come. They’re not Drake Callahan or Showtime, sure, but they’re not far behind. But you know what the difference is between my match and Holmes’? I won. And I didn’t win by being more popular with the fans or being more entertaining than my opponents: I won because I am better.

You think I’m not ready for Holmes? I say Holmes isn’t ready for me. I’m not going to be overlooked just because I spent the past year wrestling in the greatest tag team of all time. I will not be another footnote in the history books of WZCW, I’m going to start making that statement by defeating Steven Holmes.

Garrett is speechless after hearing Saboteur's passionate speech. All he can do is silently nod towards the lone tag team champion.

Saboteur: Now, if you excuse me, I need to start planning on how to stop Whoopi Goldberg and Steven Holmes.