AS 67: Ricky Runn vs. James Howard - Gold Rush Tournament

[Kermit]

A solid first round match as the former MMA fighter, Howard, takes on the second-city daredevil, Runn. Runn has recently developed a swaggish attitude and one has to wonder if Howard is going to have to go upside his head and slap the taste out of his mouth.

Deadline is Tuesday (August 20, 2013) at 11:59 P.M. (Central Time). Extensions are allowed via request.​

 

[Kermit]

James Howard has been granted a 24 hour extension.

 

[GI Cake]

We arrived to a local children hospital in Phoenix, Arizona. The children who stayed their all had their own reasons for being there, but many shared one trait, they were terminally ill, but all of them wanted to see a WZCW superstar. The children laid in their beds, all with all sorts of WZCW merchandise that was provided for free by the courtesy of the top brass of WZCW. All of them were super excited to see some of their favorite superstars like Showtime, Matt Tastic, and James Howard.

Though none of them could have ever expected to get a visit from Ricky Runn. The swagged out Daredevil walked into the front reception of the hospital dressed to the nines in "Tapout" ring gear and sunglasses. Ricky walked up to the reception desk. A smug look on Ricky's face as he says to the receptionist.

Ricky:"Hey there sugar-tits. Don't worry if I arrived fashionably late, Ricky Runn is here to save these kids lives. Save them with swaggggg"

The receptionist looked at Ricky with a skewed look before shaking her head and saying.

Receptionist:"Okay, you must be Ricky with that wrestling make a wish thing. Look, there's only a few things you need to know. Don't make any promise you can't keep, and do not mention their sickness, okay?"

Ricky:"Shitttt, that ain't nothing but a monkey on a swing set baby. I got this."

Receptionist:"What? Okay, whatever. The pediatric ward is on the 5th floor, then make a right. You can't miss it."

Ricky:"Woah man, what the fuck is wrong with this place. I ain't raping no kids! I'm no pedophile yo!"

The receptionist cringed and sighed before correcting Ricky.

Receptionist:"It's pediatric not Pedophilia. You're not going to be touching any little boys or girls, I assure you."

Ricky:"Whew, okay. Now that makes so much more sense. You guys better change that word before anyone else gets that mixed up and gets into Pedophilia care."

Taking his pass, Ricky smiled and began walking to the elevator with a loud and proud strut. On his way to the elevator he failed to notice a man on crutches and bumps into him, sending him to the ground. Failing to see both the man and the crutches Ricky automatically throws at the fallen man.

Ricky:"Watch where you're going dude! What are you some paraplegic or something?"

As Ricky walked off, it is later learned that man getting up did indeed have cerebral palsy. Shaking his fist the man said to Ricky.

Man:"Jer--jer--ja-a Jerk!"

In due time, Ricky did finally make his way to the child's ward of the hospital. The female doctor greeted him at the door and said with a smile.

Doctor:"Thank you so much for taking your time to do this James Howard, it means a lot."

Ricky: "Oh baby it's no thing but couple of peas in pea sou-- wait, did you just call me James Howard?"

Doctor: "Yeah, you are James Howard right? Or do you like to go by your real name when you are out in-- oh dear, there must have been a mix up."

Ricky: "Mix up?"

Doctor: "Well it was put up to a vote with the kids, and they really wanted to see Strikeforce, they told us that Mikey Stormrage was busy, but they said they can try and send James Howard... I'm guessing you are not him."

Ricky: "You're kidding right? I'm better than both of those guys put together. Besides, they're super busy kissing each other or whispering sweet nothings into each others ears. Don't worry baby, I got this."

Adjusting his shutter shade sunglasses on his face, he walked into the childs room and said loudly and proudly.

Ricky: "No need to fear, Ricky Runn is here, and he's got plenty of Swag! to go around!"

The kids that were once cheering stopped and looked at Ricky and went silent for a moment, letting Ricky absorb the awkward silence of a terminal child ward. Than a child spoke up.

Child 1:"Where's James Howard? They promised us Howard was going to make it."

Ricky scratched the back of his head and tried his best to answer the question.

Ricky:"Welllll, that's a tough one to answer, see. James and Mikey are getting married, and he couldn't make it, but trust me, you're better off without him. Look he doesn't wear Tapout, he has absolutely no swag, and trust me you all need it. Here, have some new sunglasses!"

Ricky than walked up to the kid and pulled an extra pair of sunglasses out from his back pocket and placed it on the sick child's face. The small head of the sickly caused the glasses to fall off his face. Another child than spoke up.

Child 2: "Mr. Runn, what's swag?"

Ricky scoffed and turned to the sick kid and said to her in a matter of factly tone.

Ricky:"You see children, swag is important. Swag is the very fiber of cool and awesome that is in this world. Think of the all time greats. Mike Tyson, Ray Lewis, Tiger Woods, Chris Brown, Michael Jackson, Micky Mantle, Ricky Runn. They all have swag. When you got swag, you can do whatever you want. The whole world is at your finger tips. Look at who doesn't have swag and you can see why they're awful. Darren Bull, more like Darren Mule. The Angel? More like the swagless Angel, and Strikeforce? Well they decided that Derek Jacobs was more important than swag and look at where that got them. Am I right, or am I right?"

Ricky begins nodding his head looking for the approval of the sick kids who looked at him confused. Another child than spoke.

Child 3: "Than why didn't you win your match against David Whitman?"

Ricky:"Thats a uh, good question I uh--"

Ricky was than cut off by another kid.

Child 4:"Than why didn't you beat Vega for the Mayhem title?"

More kids begin to assault Ricky with questions.

Child 5:"Did you ever beat anyone with swag?"

Child 6:"I miss my real parents."

What seemed like an eternity for Ricky was cut short when Ricky shouted to one of them, pointing his finger at the sickest looking one.

Ricky:"Listen up you little shits. You just don't understand swag. Okay? Which is fine, you can all hate me, cause you ain't me. That's why Whitman hates the world, because he just never lived a life as awesome as mine. It's why James is such a fucking sociopath sometimes. You've seen what he wears? Hello someone call the Swag Department. There's a fire on fashion sense in England. I'm seriously thinking that place is barren of Swag. Much like this hospital. Like seriously look at this kid, he can't even rock the sunglasses. You all want James, and Strikeforce while the most Swaggiest superstar of all time is here you don't want to ask me how my day was or how I feel? You know how selfish you are all acting? I'm ashamed for all of you little dirtbags. In fact in this Gold Rush tournament, I'm gonna to win it all, and I'm going to get that title, and I am going to give it so much swag WZCW will wanna test me for SED's or Swaggin Enhancing Drugs, but I need to start somewhere, and I'm starting with James "oh I get all the dying kids to love me because I have a beard" Howard. I'm going to smack the beard right off his face, because all I hear is how great James Howard is, and how great Mikey is. No one ever talks about how I brought the swag back to the Tag Team Division, or how Runn Reynolds Runn held the titles for the longest. Or how fly I look in Tapout gear. Oh there's one thing James will learn at Ascension, and that YOLO is the only way to live your life, and I'm going to give him the razzle dazzle to prove that, but you all will learn what YOLO means soon."

Doctor:"Sir!"

The doctor said in a gasp hearing Ricky's long winded tirade. Ricky looking over completely oblivious and says to the Doctor.

"Oh hey there doc, I think I am just about wrapped up here, wanna get a little swag in yeah as we do the harlem shake in the break room of this hospital?"

Doctor:"Security!"

In almost seconds two large men go into the room and grab Ricky by each of his arms and begin dragging him out of the room. With Ricky kicking and screaming he shouts.

Ricky:"You all just can't handle that I'm stylin' on yeah Ninja's!"

 

[Shotaro]

The fluorescent lighting in the backstage medical room flickered as I stared up at it. Standard procedure after being almost strangled with a chain dictated that they checked and iced my neck to prevent me from dying in my sleep. Jacobs was on a gurney being carried out of the room as I arrived; the doctors were not optimistic about his career prospects and I had over-heard Bateman and Myles discussing retirement packages. I couldn’t help but wonder if they had had a similar conversation about me when I was in his situation.

I didn’t have time to dwell on that though, as a far more immediate concern swept into my head; Mikey. I had not seen him since I got suckered in by DC and lost the match. Eventually I was able to leave the room suture free but by the time I had, Mikey had already left. Sitting in the locker room was none other than Ricky Runn, who was sat still in his fatigues from our entrance, staring blankly at his phone.

“Did Mikey say anything before he left?” I asked of the man-child as he stared gleefully at his screen.

“Huh?”

I wandered over and placed my hand over the screen as I spoke. “Did Mikey say anything before he left?”

There was a guttural moan that I would have expected from Runn were he still going through puberty as he looked up scornfully at me. “Hell should I know? I’ve been looking up the ladies who’ve messaged me on twitter.”

“You’ve been in here the whole time since you came backstage?”

He had turned his whole body to move the phone away from my hand. “Uh huh”

“And in that time we lost our match, and now Mikey has left the arena completely.”

“Uh huh”

“When he came into the room did he say anything?”

“Who?”

I span him around on the bench and slapped the phone out of his hand. Bad enough that we lost the match, worse that Mikey just up and left and now I had to deal with a guy who proves evolution if only because he’s gone back a few steps.

“Hey! What the hell?!” Ricky yelled as his phone slid across the carpet tiles. “Why d’you do that?”

“Because two days ago YOU dropped the ball and that led to me almost being killed tonight. Because in the past two hours someone has walked into this room, passed you at least once and left the arena without you even realizing. Because -”

“Wait, Mikey’s gone? I was too busy showing off my swag to these twit-girls. Man they love me, they may very well give me horrific diseases when I meet them but you only live once right?”

My whole body was set to detonate at this point, home was a few hours away and I needed the drive to calm down. I grabbed my stuff in one hand and my duffel in the other and left the arena just as Showtime’s music hit in his victory.

The next few days were a living hell. I returned to the wood and canvas mattress in my basement and hadn’t even left the room when Ricky turned up to meet me and go searching for Mikey. I’d been making phone calls and posting on facebook and twitter but no-one had any real info, one guy called ‘TSA ROX’ tweeted that it was the beginning of an ARG that would reveal Mikey Stormrage’s real location in time for Apocolypse. Several more said they hoped he was dead even more than that wished the same for me. That was just the first 24 hours.

From there it went even further downhill as I was forced to spend hour upon hour in a crapped out Chevy Nova with a guy who had a hash tag motto in every sentence. To be blunt Ricky Runn was driving me insane and by the time we found Mikey’s note in his apartment we realized that we would find him when he wanted to be found. At least that was what I told my travelling companion if only to get rid of him.

I wrote off social media as a dead-end pretty quickly and threw myself into detective work and training for the Gold Rush tournament, not only because I needed to win but also because it gave me space to think of something else, if only for a few minutes. I stopped doing things only to ensure that I didn’t die of starvation or sleep deprivation, although I did come close on several occasions and be woken up in the early morning asleep on a bench or even resting on the ring apron.

Within a few days Dinah staged an intervention, I agreed to start coming to bed and train less hard but I did set one condition; that I go visit Mikey’s apartment one last time.

The parking lot was full but one car in particular stood out. A white 1974 Chevy Nova. I sprinted into the building and up to the flat knocking loudly on the door.

“One second” came the voice from inside “got to get my swag on”

“Ricky?”

There was silence, he knew he had been caught out but wouldn’t respond.

“Ricky is Mikey there?”

“No.”

“Then why are you?”

“I uh, I needed somewhere to stay.”

He was squatting in Mikey’s apartment. He’d realised that Mikey wasn’t coming back any time soon and decided it was as good a time as any to get somewhere to stay for free in San Francisco. The wave of emotion was more like a tsunami as it hit me. The powerlessness from losing to the Sacrificial Altar, the anger for letting them win, the confusion and sadness about Mikey’s disappearance all of it merged into one thing. Rage. Rage that was focused on both Ricky Runn and the door between us.

“I’ll F***ing kill you” I screamed at the top of my lungs as every limb bashed against the door. The wood bent against my hands and knees but it wouldn’t break. Doors in old buildings never did. As my body gave up trying to remove the barrier I crumpled to my knees with my head leaning against the door. I was sobbing, he’d taken my best friends life away from him and I could do nothing to stop him.

As I began to compose myself my phone buzzed in my pocket, I was expecting Dinah to be berating me but it wasn’t from her; it was from Bateman.

‘Sorry for the late notice but we’ve just completed the Gold Rush draw in WZCW headquarters. Your opponent for round one is: Ricky Runn. Good Luck.’
​

I wiped the moisture from my face and started laughing. I didn’t stop when Ricky’s always irritating text sound of ‘YOLO BITCH’ hit my ears, if anything I laughed louder. I stood and knocked on the door.

“See you soon Ricky, see you real soon.”