AS 41: Action Saxton and Saboteur vs. The Forgotten Powers

[Ty Burna]

The Forgotten Powers have rose again! But will the other Apostles Chris K.O. and the leader Ty Burna accept this reformation of the dominant tag team? Meanwhile the Powers will immediately face some tough competition as Saboteur and Saxton put aside their differences to face off against the former tag team chammpions. Will Saxton and Saboteur be able to work together against the Powers? Will the Forgotten Powers break away from the Apostles of Chaos?

Deadline is Tuesday, December 6th at 11:59 PM EST.

 

[Ty Burna]

Saxton & Saboteur have been granted a 24 hour extension.

 

[red ass skull muhfukkah]

The lifeless body of Mister is lying in a large wooden coffin; the inside is lined with a soft white fabric. He is still wearing his mask although it is white instead of the usual gold; he is wearing a white suit to match. The camera pans around the funeral home, the only person in the room is Dr. Alhazred. The usual lightly dressed Alhazred is wearing a suit and tie and has even appeared to shave for the even. He is standing a few feet from the coffin just staring at his mentor and friend, he seems afraid to walk up to the casket. A loud grumbling noise can be heard and Dr. Alhazred grabs his stomach, as he does James King walks up next to him, also wearing a suit.

Dr. Alhazred: You came.

James King nods: Had to, even though I haven’t seen much of him lately, he was my friend too. One of the best friends a guy can ask for these days. So did Saboteur really kill him?

Dr. Alhazred: No, apparently he was standing by my hospital bed when a piece of metal fell from the ceiling and sliced his head off.

James King looks around the room confused.

James King: No one else is coming? Doesn’t he have family?

Dr. Alhazred: I’m not sure really, he never really talked about it. I can honestly say I don’t know much about him, we always talked about me and the Forgotten Powers, we never talked about him. It’s strange, he was possibly the best friend I’ve ever had and I know nothing about him, I don’t even know his real name.

Dr. Alhazred’s stomach grumbles again and his face grimaces for a moment.

James King: You alright?

Dr. Alhazred: Yeah, just had some bad Thai food before I came here.

Together they walk up to the casket and stand right by it. James King puts his hand on Mister’s shoulder. Dr. Alhazred’s face fills with anger.

Dr. Alhazred: I’m going to beat the shit out of Saboteur and Saxton. I know they have nothing to do with his death, but all I know is I have a lot of pain and anger built up inside me and now I have no one to talk to about it. When something pissed me off or I was having trouble with anything, I would talk to Mister about it. He would always tell me to calm down and we work the situation out together. But now that he’s gone, the only way I’ll have to let out everything I’m feeling is by demolishing my opponents in the ring. I’m making a promise right here and now to a lost friend and more importantly to myself, I promise that I will no longer show any mercy when I step through those ropes. No longer will I mask my emotions and hold back, because now there is no one there to tell me to take it easy, to tell me “you’re going to far, man”. Now I am truly unleashed.

James King: Mister would be proud in a way, his one goal was to motivate you to be the best you could possibly be. He’s still doing it now, even after dying. And you know you can always talk to me, when I’m available.

Dr. Alhazred: Not anymore, you’re Ty’s boy now. I understand why you joined up with him after my accident though, you’ve raised some hell.

James King: I’ve been meaning to ask, are you trying to get into the Apostles of Chaos as well? Has Ty even contacted you?

Dr. Alhazred: No he hasn’t contacted me and I’m not particularly trying to get in. But if the opportunity arises, I can’t say I would turn it down. But for now I’m going to focus on the task at hand, Saboteur and Saxton.

Dr. Alhazred’s stomach makes another grumble.

James King: I’m not sure where we will go after our match on Meltdown. All I know is that out of any team in this entire company, no one can match the chemistry we have. Even though it’s been awhile since we last teamed up, I have no doubt that as soon as our music hits and we walk down that ramp, that everything will come back to us.

Dr. Alhazred: Saboteur may have beaten Ty and can clamor over his DQ victory over myself and that fool Saxton has been on a roll lately and has only gotten better since my accident; but they have no idea what they have in store for them. They have no idea what the Forgotten Power are capable of, the horrible things we can do to a man’s body and mind when they step in the ring with us. Now they face not only the greatest tag team WZCW has ever seen, but they face a rejuvenated, re-energized, focused, and pissed off Dr. Alhazred.

Dr. Alhazred’s face squints for a moment. James King sniffs and quickly covers his nose.

Dr. Alhazred: As one chapter of my life closes, I feel another one is about to be opened. For the first time in a long time, I have no idea what my future holds. The only thing I have left now is myself, my Power Glove, and my desire to destroy every inch of every opponent who crosses my path. Mister helped me channel my passion but I think it's time I let the dogs out, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.

James King: What the hell is that smell?

Dr. Alhazred places a NES controller in Mister’s coffin and turns back to James King. He whispers softly in his ear:

Dr. Alhazred: I just shit my pants.

The look of disgust on James King’s face can’t be described. Dr. Alhazred pats James King on the back and heads for the door, slowly.

Dr. Alhazred: Let’s kick some ass.

 

[MMSoldier]

We come in to a area outside the funeral home. We see King and Alhazred walking, with others passing them by, some looking back at the sight of two men walking together in suits. They stop at a bench, and King remains standing while the Doctor sits and rests his head on his hands.

Alhazred: I don’t know, man. I just can’t get Mister out of my head.

James regards him while looking up and down the streets, seemingly in search of something.

James: I know, Al. Saboteur and Saxton will be for him.

Alhazred looks up, then stare back at the ground. James’ eyes light up as he turns to his partner sitting down. He motions for him to get up, then makes his way down the street, with Alhazred in tow.

Alhazred: Where are we going?

James turns back to look, his eyes hold a spark of intensity.

King: If I know you as well as I think I do, I know the perfect thing to get your mind off things for a bit.
_____________________________________________________________________
We cut to the inside of an arcade. The place is seemingly empty, save for two kids staying at the DDR machine. The camera pans to see James standing in front of a machine, with Alhazred taking the controls of the game. James looks over at the kids, as Alhazred turns around, a happier face taking the place of the face from before.

Alhazred: I think this helped a lot, man.

James smirks as he claps him on the shoulder, then leads him over to sit down in a booth.

King: That’s what I thought you needed. Ready to talk?

Alhazred looks over his shoulder back at the game machine, then back at James, who is shaking his head. The Doctor shrugs as he looks at the table.

Alhazred: About what? We know no one was able to stop us before.

James chuckles as he stares at Al.

James: True that. Remember Kingdom Come?

The two lean back as they remember their pay-per-view debut as a team, and how close they were to winning the tag team championship that night. Alhazred smiles at the memories.

Alhazred: Yea, we were so close.

He holds his pointer finger and his thumb a small distance away to empathize.

Alhazred: How about Redemption? That was a good night, right there!

James smiles at the thought, when he suddenly snaps his head up. He leans his head back, eyes distant.

James: I just thought of something. Think back to our first match.

It’s now Alhazred's turn to assume the thinking position, as he goes back to that night, nearly half a year ago. His eyes open a bit as he looks down at James.

James: No one knew what we could do. Hell, we didn’t trust each other. We had a high flier, who is now apparently looking at a crash course with his former partner…

Alhazred: And Action Saxton. We already know what to expect out of both of them. But men change, they could surprise us.

James has a small laugh as he shakes his head.

James: We’ve yet to see the team that could surprise us. Paradyse Cruz, or whatever they were called, couldn’t do it. The Crashin Movement couldn’t do it, and the Brothers in Arms couldn’t do it. The only team that beat us had to cheat to do so.

The two remember the night they lost their titles, Apocalypse versus Stantime. Alhazred makes a fist and puts it to his head.

Alhazred: This is all nice, remembering and all, but shouldn’t we be talking strategy?

James starts to shake his head, but stops as something seems to catch his eye. Alhazred turns to look, but there seems to be nothing there.

Alhazred: James, you ok?

James shakes himself back, then looks back at Alhazred.

James: I’m good, thought I saw something. Anyway, we’ve no need to talk strategy, because we already have the ideas we need to beat them. The two of them will be taken down for Mister.

James stands and holds his hand out to the man he once thought as his only friend.

James: Agreed?

Alhazred smiles and rises as well. He clasps the outstretched hand, and looks up to James’ eyes.

Alhazred: Agreed.

The two shake as they walk out.

 

[The Doctor]

Signal Panic, Inc. presents
Action Saxton [size=-3]and Saboteur[/size]
in
”Star Jams: Episode 4
A New Badass Mother.”

A long-ass time ago, in a hood that is far, far away…

It is a period of civil war in WZCW.

Two badass mothas named Luke Saboteur and Hans Saxton won their first battle against the evil Empire of Chaos, but now they find themselves up against a new enemy: Darth Alhazred and King Dooku.

They are flying through the galaxy on the infamous Millennium Cadillac, looking for a fight against the evil empire and their war-machine space station – The Death Ball.

Our heroes are going to infiltrate that giant-ass Death Ball and show those jive-turkeys who the real saviors of this galaxy are.

The static backdrop of space soars past Action Jackson’s vintage white 3027 Millenium Cadillac, as a future funk soundtrack plays over the scene. The Millenium Cadillac is sparkling as it tears up the starfield like nobody’s business. When it honks, planets roll out of the way to make way for the badassmobile and the people inside – Hans Saxton and Luke Saboteur.

“First of all, the Millennium Falcon was grey, not white. Second, Count Dooku wasn’t even in the original trilogy. And thirdly, why do you get to be Han Solo?”

“Because this gorgeous hunk of man looks better in a vest, sucka!”

Our heroes sit in the cockpit of the Millennium Cadillac, driving it through the final frontier with a sense of flair that only a true super team can accomplish. Action Saxton sits behind the steering wheel, with Saboteur riding shotgun and providing witty commentary in order to break up the tension as they drive closer to their final goal: The Death Ball. In the back seat sits Action Saxton’s childhood friend, Princess Marceline, who looks both interested and vaguely amused at the passing scenery as she listens to music of her own on the new mentally-powered Banana qPod. Next to her is ChewAlvin, a giant chipmunk with a set of pipes to rival Luciano Pavarotti on helium.

Action Saxton continues to speak to Saboteur as he drives on, avoiding asteroids and space debris with precision.

“So, as you know, we are going to infiltrate that giant-ass Death Ball and show those jive-turkeys who the real saviors of this galaxy are.”

“Yes, I know, they said that in the opening text.”

“I was just making sure you knew that I knew that we both knew, sucka.”

The two men sit in mostly silence for several moments as Action Saxton dodges asteroids and hums some of his favorite tunes. Saboteur rubs a hand on one of his lightkatanas. Action Saxton glances at him sideways.

“You know, sucka,” he says, “I was just wondering. You seem awfully similar to those ninjas who are always on my tail.”

Under his mask, Saboteur seems surprised. Action Saxton continues.

“I mean, you have some katanas, you have your sneaky-ass ways, and hell you even wear a mask. How can I be sure you are not a ninja crony, sent by my long-time nemesis El Habanero, to sabotage my ascent in WZCW?”

Saboteur seems slightly taken aback as he thinks for a moment.

“Ninjas have terrible taste in fashionable undergarments.”

Action Saxton turns this over in his mind.

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “I guess you’re right.”

They continue towards their destination.

“So if we’re in space, why are we driving a Cadillac?” asks Saboteur. “Space isn’t a road, and the parts just wouldn’t work.”

“It’s pretty simple science, sucka,” replies Action Saxton, keeping his eyes on space. “When I was a young badass motha, I took it upon myself-”

Suddenly, the conversation is broken by the sounds of explosions. The whole Millennium Cadillac shakes violently as a blast hits it from above. Saboteur grabs the handle on one of the doors and turns it as fast as he can, rolling the window down. He stares upwards, not entirely surprised by what he sees.

“AOC Fighters!”

“Damn!” roars Saxton. “You take ‘em out! I’ll drive!”

He puts the pedal to the metal. The Millennium Cadillac roars and shoots forward, Action Saxton gripping the wheel and twisting and turning it violently to dodge the shots fired by the AOC Fighters. Saboteur reaches into his utility belt. Passing over his lightkatanas, he lays his hands on his laser rifle.

“Taste my lightning, f-”

His last word is drowned out by the sounds of laser-on-metal as Saboteur opens fire. His first few shots miss and he swears silently.

“Come on, sucka!” yells Action Saxton, still driving like a madman. “Hit them!”

“I’m building up the dramatic tension, you ice-cream-loving-”

Again he is cut off by a loud explosion as another shot rocks the Millennium Cadillac. Saboteur steadies his hand, aims and fires once more.

“Hold on!”

At the exact same time, the AOC Fighter had fired a shot of his own. Action Saxton turns the steering wheel with a vengeance, doing a barrel roll to narrowly avoid the AOC Fighter’s beam of light. Saboteur’s, on the other hand, was right on target. With a satisfying bang and a burst of fire and light, the AOC Fighter explodes into a million pieces as the Millennium Cadillac slows down once more.

“Hell yeah!” whoops Action Saxton. “We did it!”

Saboteur reaches into the Millennium Cadillac’s glove compartment and pulls out Space 40’s for everyone, handing them around to Action Saxton, ChewAlvin, and the still-amused Princess Marceline. Everyone cracks theirs open and toasts each other. Action Saxton gives off a contended sigh.

“This makes me want to sing a song!” pipes up ChewAlvin. He clears his throat. “Ooh, eee, ooh ah-ah, ting-tang-”

“Nevermind your funky junk, brother!” exclaims Saboteur. “We’re being dragged towards a giant disco ball!”

Everyone stares out the windows in horror as they see what is dragging them.

“That’s no disco ball…” gasps Princess Marceline.

It is none other than the Death Ball. It looms large as its tractor beam snags the Millennium Cadillac and continues to drag it towards the landing bay. Action Saxton furiously pounds on the gas, but nothing is working. ChewAlvin cowers, all thoughts of a song extinguished. Even Saboteur wildly firing at the Death Ball can do nothing. Everyone in the car stares at the sinister sphere, shocked, as they are dragged to their fate.

Only Action Saxton can find words to express how he feels about the situation.

“Aw, HELL no!”

TO BE CONTINUED…​

 

[JGlass]

The Millennium Cadillac is pulled into the landing bay of the Death Ball, and our jive heroes suddenly ain’t looking so hot.

“Sax, I’m scared!” squeals Princess Marceline.

“Shut your crazy ass up, woman,” barks Chewalvin, “before I rip the buns right out of your hair!”

Han Saxton grabs Chewalvin by the throat and slams him against the wall of the Millennium Cadillac.

“Ain’t nobody going to talk to my woman like that, sucka!”

Luke Saboteur throws himself into the action, pulling Saxton off of Chewalvin.

“Hey! Nobody talks to my sidekick like that except me!”

“He’s my sidekick in this fantasy, sucka!”

“You know, Saxton, I’ve had it up to here with you! First you take my font color, now you’re taking my sidekick. Next thing I know, you’ll be taking my roommate, R2Garret2!”

“First of all, I don’t know whatchu talkin’ about with this font color mumbo jumbo. Second of all, Action Saxton takes what he wants, and after he takes Darth Alhazred and King Dooku in this adventure, he wants the Emperor. Ty Burna, I’m commin’ for you…”

Before Saxton could finish his rant, there is a loud pounding on the door of the Millennium Cadillac.

“Come out with your hands in the air!”

The demand coming from the outside of the spaceship breaks the tension between the two heroes, but raises a new concern for Han Saxton.

“Watch it knucklehead, you’ll chip my paint job!”

“There’s an army of Suckatroopers outside the ship,” Princess Marceline says in a panic, “what are we gonna do Sax?”

“Oh gahhhhd!” laments Chewalvin, “I knew I should have become a singer like my brothers. Why did I have to become a space adventurer!”

“Don’t worry sweetheart,” a now vest wearing Luke Saboteur says to Princess Marceline, “Han Saboteur will save you.”

“Get off my woman, and give me my vest back!” Saxton rebukes. “And don’t worry baby, Han Saxton has a plan.”
---------------------
The army of a few dozen Suckatroopers remain outside of the Millennium Cadillac.

“So… these guys are chumps, right? Like, they’ve never beaten anyone supremely powerful or anything, right?” one Suckatrooper asks another.

Before the other Suckatrooper can respond, the door comes flying off the Millennium Cadillac crushing four Suckatroopers underneath it.

“Oh it’s hammer time bitches!” screams Saxton as he lets loose a war cry.

The Suckatroopers open fire on Han Saxton, but Luke Saboteur leaps in front of his ally and deflects the lasers with his Lightkatana right back at the Suckatroopers.

“You can’t touch this, losers!”

The few remaining Suckatroopers start charging towards the heroic duo, but Saxton counters them with a charge of their own.

“Ring the bell, school’s back in!” screams Saxton as he barrels through the Suckatroopers.

“Jeeze, MC Hammer hasn’t gotten this much action since the 90s,” Saboteur mumbles to himself.

With the Suckatroopers lying in shambles, Saxton and Saboteur look each other with a look of mutual admiration.

“Good job taking out those last through Suckatroopers, Han.”

“And thanks for saving my hide with your fancy lightkatana work there, Luke.”

“Yeah, if it weren’t for me, you’d have been toast!”

Saxton’s happy face quickly sours as Saboteur insinuates he saved Saxton’s life, “Well I wouldn’t go that far, sucka! Han Saxton can take care of himself! Now let’s get out of here. We can’t blow up the Death Ball from inside, we’re going to need to find a little hole on the outside of the hull if we want to blow this joint right properly.”

Saboteur’s mood quickly turns as well. “Are you crazy? We’re already inside! I say we plant a bomb in the reactor and knock this ball out of the park!”

Saxton replies, “Oh? And where do you propose we get a bomb?”

“I usually have one on my person,” says Saboteur as he pats around his body. “Maybe I left it in my other pair of spandex.”

“It won’t matter,” says a mysterious voice, “Because that will be your last corny pun.”

Saboteur and Saxton look at each other simultaneously and then back at the mysterious man.

“Well well well, if it isn’t Darth Alhazred. Bad ass entrance, but do you really think you can take on both of us?” Saboteur says confidently.

“He won’t have to,” says King Dooku, who sneaks into the scene behind Alhazred.

“The last thing this party needed is your generic ass, sucker!”

“Nevertheless,” Alhazred sneers, “if you want to leave the Death Ball alive, you’ll have to get through us first.”

And with that, Darth Alhazred charges his Force Glove and King Dooku…

“Wait, what does he do again?” Saboteur asks Saxton.

“He gets his ass kicked by Han Saxton, that’s wussup!”

“Well then,” Saboteur says as he unsheathes his lightkatana, “LEEEEROOOOYY…”

“Chill sucka! You already used that joke!”

“Oh, yeah… well, MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOUUUUUUUU!!!”

And with that, Han Saxton and Luke Saboteur engage in battle with King Dooku and Darth Alhazred respectively.

Luke Saboteur barely reaches Darth Alhazred by the time the fiend has unleashed a powerful lightning blast with his force glove. Saboteur deflects the lightning with his lightkatana and keeps pressing forward, forcing Alhazred to retreat. The Force Glove Menace takes of running, and Luke Saboteur chases in pursuit.

“Alright sucka, do you want your beating all at once, or do you want it in 10 easy payments of pain?” Saxton says as he prepares to go fist to fist with King Dooku.

“Quit underestimating me!” hollers King, “I’m not just Alhazred’s sidekick you know!”

“I’m tired of hearing you talk sucka, how about I help you shut up!”

Saxton follows up on his offer with a devastating punch right into the nose of King, which sends him flying backwards through a wall of the Death Ball.

“I can dig it, hell yes I can dig it!” Saxton shouts, excited as he engages in his all time favorite past time.

Saxton follows King’s trail and takes a step through the King shaped hole in the wall, but quickly realizes King is nowhere to be found. He reaches a painful realization that King was right behind him, though, when he’s smacked in the back of the head by a piece of broken wall by King. Saxton is knocked out cold by the huge blow, and King stands proudly over his victory.



Meanwhile, Saboteur has managed to chase down Alhazred, meeting him in the reactor room of the Death Ball.

“Tell me, Saboteur,” Alhazred calmly says to his enemy, “do you know who your father is?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Because Saboteur, I AM your… wait, you do?”

“Yeah, my dad and I had a great relationship. We played baseball, built Legos… you know, pretty typical stuff.”

“You’re surprisingly disturbed for having such a normal childhood.”

“Thanks,” Saboteur blushes, “I get that a lot.”

“Well you’ll also be getting a blast of energy!” screams Alhazred as he hits Saboteur square in the chest with an energy blast from his force glove, sending the spandex-clad hero flying over the railing of the reactor bridge.

“And that is that,” says Alhazred proudly. He turns and walks away from the bridge, content with his work. What he doesn’t notice, however, is a gloved hand whose fingertips just barely clutch the edge of the bridge.

“Hey, don’t leave me hanging!” Saboteur jokes to himself while gripping the bridge for dear life, “And he said I had made my last pun!”
---------------
Saxton awakens, but his vision is blurred and he can’t figure out where he is.

“Aw sheeeiiiit, I musta gone drank too much again, my head is killin’ me!”

“That would be my noble henchman’s doing, Mr. Saxton,” a dark, disturbed voice says. As Saxton’s vision starts to clear he realizes he is kneeling in front of none other than Emperor Burna.

“Aw hellll no, not this sucka!” Saxton roars as he attempts to get to his feet and charge the Emperor, but he quickly falls to the ground as he is bound in Laser Chains.

King Dooku and Emperor Burna laugh maniacally as Saxton struggles.

“You fool,” says Emperor Burna, “If you couldn’t even beat my minions, how do you suppose you can beat me?”

“Motha sucka jumped me from behind. In a fair fight that mofo’s ass would be grass, and I’d be a sleek black lawn mower!”

Before Emperor Burna can respond, Darth Alhazred enters the throne room.

“And where have you been? Where is Luke Saboteur?!” Emperor Burna demands of Alhazred.

“Never fear my lord, I have disposed of Saboteur. He won’t be bothering us with his nonsensical rambling anymore.”

“Oh is that so?” Saboteur screams as he appears that the throne room’s main entrance.

“Saboteur?!” Emperor Burna panics, “I thought you disposed of him!”

“I blasted him into the depths of the reactor room, there’s no way he could have survived!” Alhazred replies nervously.

“Never fear my lord, I will make up for my partner’s insolent mistake!” King says angrily as he walks toward the lightkatana-wielding Saboteur.

Saboteur confidently responds, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, I think you have a much bigger, blacker problem on your hands.”

By the time King turns around he’s met with a stiff right hook across the face from Han Saxton, knocking him to the ground.

“Sucka, ain’t no lasers can hold a brotha down!”

“It worked on Mace Windu!” Emperor Burna angrily groans.

“Fool! Saxton makes Samuel L. Jackson his bitch!”

Saboteur walks up next to Saxton and joins his companion, ready to fight the evildoers. King Dooku crawls toward Emperor Burna’s throne and Darth Alhazred nervously seeks the protection of his mentor.

“Now now, gentlemen, why must we be so violent now when you will be facing my men in a WZCW ring on Ascension?” Emperor Burna calmly suggests to his foes.

“Wait, I’m confused, are we still doing a Star Wars thing?” Saboteur replies.

Emperor Burna ignores Saboteur and continues, “You’ll have your chance to seek revenge on King Dooku and Darth Alhazred for last week’s events, but now is not that time. For now, we will retreat to the Headquarters of Chaos and lick our wounds, but come Saturday, it will be you who will find yourselves on the wrong end of a beating."

“Wait, you mean this Death Ball ain’t the Headquarters of the Empire of Chaos?” Saxton asks.

“What? No, this is just a giant disco ball I use for my parties,” replies Emperor Burna.

“I told you,” says Saboteur.

“I’ve had just about enough of you, we will be seeing you on Saturday,” says Emperor Burna. With a push of a button, the throne area where Burna, King, and Alhazred stand starts to shake, and it suddenly morphs into an escape ship that launches off into space, leaving Saxton and Saboteur standing in awe of the recent events.

“Damn, I was lookin’ forward to getting some revenge tonight,” says Saxton.

“Don’t worry Han, this Saturday on Ascension we’ll make sure those two suckers get their just desserts.”

“Wait a second, did you say we?”

“I sure did, brother,” Saboteur says as he extends his hand.

“Aw hell yeah,” Saxton replies, planting his hand in Saboteur’s.

The shot freezes and corny, victory music plays as the credits start to roll. So concludes episode 4 of Star Jams. Our heroes fought most heroically but were unable to defeat their foes. However, they are now more ready than ever to face the challenge that lays before them this Saturday on Ascension.​