All-Stars 3

[Richard Blonoff]

Saboteur: Darn it Michel, I asked for green tea! Does this look green to you?

Saboteur barks orders to one of the near dozen PAs swarming the backstage area as All-Stars is set to open.

Saboteur: Seriously, this is the sorriest bunch of interns I’ve ever had the displeasure of working with. I’m still waiting for my manicure!

Blade carefully makes his way through the army of people running around and approaches Saboteur.

Blade: Hey Saboteur, I just wanted to let you know that we’re really happy to be working with you tonight. We think that you and us will make a great announce/commentary team.

Saboteur: Hmmm, you have the same goofy accent as Barbosa, but you also have way too much hair to be the new World Champ. What’s the deal with the us and we crap? Is multiple personality disorder contagious? Do I need to start wearing one of those surgical masks everywhere like Asian ladies?!

Blade: What are you talking about? There’s clearly two of us right here!

Saboteur: Is this an imaginary friend thing? Ridiculous. Wait until I tell my totally real Canadian girlfriend about this!

Blade: Well, we’ll see you out there Sab, the show is about to start!

Blade makes his way towards the Gorilla Position leaving Saboteur behind.

Saboteur: The show is about to start? What about my dang manicure?! Awwww here it goes!

[YOUTUBE]L_jWHffIx5E[/YOUTUBE]​

Saboteur: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Coliseum here in Rome, Italy! Tonight is a very special night here in WZCW, the night we celebrate the wacky, the zany, and the over the top. But enough about me, I want to welcome everyone here tonight to All-Stars Three! We have a jam packed night tonight, including special appearances by WZCW superstars Muse! I mean Blade, and....Blade. I'm still confused by this. Anyway, rumor going around is Ricky Runn is also here tonight, so who knows what all we are going to get into. Without further delay, allow me to turn it over to our special guest announcers for the evening, Blade and Blade!

 

[Richard Blonoff]

Blade: Our first match of the night has been hotly anticipated by our fans for years now. Justin Cooper took to public forums like Twitter, Facebook, and WZCW.com to call out former WZCW wrestler Austin Reynolds. Cooper relentlessly targeted the former Elite X and tag team champion, calling Reynolds overrated and claiming that he was the superior wrestler. Reynolds let those insults go unreturned for months, but over the summer he agreed to return to WZCW at All-Stars and fight Justin Cooper to prove once and for all who the better man was.

Blade: Funny story, Blade: our Eurasian Championship reign was the same length as Reynold’s and Cooper’s Elite X reigns combined!

Blade: That is funny, which is a nice light note before I recap the tragic news that unfolded just one week ago when Justin Cooper was reported dead by his publicist. Rumors started flying about what happened to Justin Cooper, the most prevalent of which was that the death was caused by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

Blade: Amateur hour. The secret to not killing yourself is to use a belt that snaps, not buckles.

Blade: Justin Cooper’s death was certainly a tragedy, and a huge letdown to the fans that thought they were looking forward to this match. But just a few days after Cooper’s reported death, rumors surfaced of a Justin Cooper sighting at a Bally’s Total Fitness.

Blade: Isn’t that a girl’s gym?

Blade: Indeed it is, and the reports indicated that Cooper was teaching a Zumba class there. WZCW sent a few legal representatives to investigate, and sure enough, Justin Cooper had changed his identity to Custin Jooper, a Zumba instructor at Bally’s Total Fitness.

Blade: Justin Cooper faked his own death! He was so afraid of losing to Austin Reynolds that he tried to weasel his way out of the match!

Blade: But WZCW is nothing if not strict with their contracts, and Cooper had already signed on for a one-off match with Austin Reynolds, and voiding that contract would leave him vulnerable to both civil and criminal lawsuits. So tonight, we have Austin Reynolds taking on the biggest coward in WZCW, Justin Cooper.

Saboteur: The following grudge match is set for one fall!

[YOUTUBE]js6TBze6vNA[/YOUTUBE]​

Several seconds pass but nobody appears. The music keeps rolling for about thirty seconds, but nobody shows up.

Blade: Looks like Cooper wimped out after all.

The music keeps rolling when Justin Cooper stumbles out to the top of the ramp. He immediately runs backstage, but again he stumbles out as a group of large security guards walks out, blocking the ramp entrance. Cooper has nowhere to go but forward.

Saboteur: Introducing first, from Sydney, Australia, weighing in at 210 pounds: he is the biggest wuss in the history of professional wrestling… Justin Cooper!

The crowd responds to the announcement with a huge, unified boo, and begin showering Justin Cooper with rotten vegetables and trash. Cooper’s legs quake as he walks to the ring, but the projectiles flying at him encourage him to run to the ring. He slides in under the ring rope and goes to his corner.

[YOUTUBE]7dh4VItvIl4[/YOUTUBE]​

Austin Reynolds comes out to a big pop. Clearly happy to be in front of the WZCW fans again, Austin Reynolds relishes his time in the spotlight and stands at the top of the ramp for a few moments before making his way down the ramp.

Saboteur: And introducing his opponent, he is the third greatest tag team champion of all time… Austin Reynolds!

Austin Reynolds rolls his eyes at Saboteur’s call, but even the ring announcer’s disrespect can’t rain on Reynolds’ parade. He hi-fives his fans all the way down the ramp and upon reaching the ring he runs to a corner to take a picture with a very attractive female fan. Reynolds runs up the ring stairs and springs over the top rope. He climbs a nearby turnbuckle and poses for the fans for one last big pop. He climbs down and faces Cooper.

*Ding Ding*

The bell rings and the match begins. Reynolds starts to move towards the middle of the ring, but Cooper remains in his corner. Reynolds looks puzzled for a moment, but his eyes widen and a grin crosses his face before he explodes into laughter.

Blade: What is Reynolds laughing at? What’s so… oh my God… is that?

Blade: It is! Justin Cooper just peed his pants!

Sure enough, Justin Cooper’s trunks have grown very moist and a trickle of liquid runs down his leg to form an amber puddle at his feet.

The entire arena laughs at Cooper’s unfortunate accident, but nobody is laughing harder than the ref who has laughed so hard the he passed out. Reynolds is struggling to stand himself and is leaning on the ropes for support as he laughs hysterically, wiping tears from his eyes with his free hand. The only person in the arena not laughing is Justin Cooper, and a look of humiliation is replaced with one of determination and vengence. He quickly slides out of the ring and grabs a steel chair.

Blade: Maybe this was Cooper’s plan all along: pee his pants, cause the ref to pass out from laughing, and finally cheating to win.

Cooper charges at Reynolds with the steel chair and swings downward at Reynolds, but Reynolds side steps the attack and the chair connects with the top ring rope, causing the chair to rebound and smack Justin Cooper in the face. Cooper falls over backwards, seemingly knocked out cold. Reynolds makes the cover very carefully so as not to touch Cooper’s pee-soaked trunks. Reynolds waits several seconds, but there is no count as the ref is still passed out. Reynolds gets to his feet and looks to the fans. He points to the top turnbuckle and the fans eagerly encourage Reynolds to go to the top rope. He takes his time getting to the top and very carefully turns himself around as he has been out of the ring for nearly a year and is rusty. Reynolds bounces on the ropes a few times before leaping off and hitting a Five Star Frog Splash on Justin Cooper! The vibrations from the high risk move seem to be enough to bring the ref back to consciousness, and Reynolds makes the cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

Austin Reynolds is so thrilled to be victorious that he doesn’t even seem to mind that his entire midsection is no glistening with Cooper pee. He springs to his feet and starts running around the ring celebrating. Cooper curls up in the fetal position in the ring and starts to cry.

Saboteur: Your winner of the match, Austin Reynolds!

Blade: Well that settles it: Austin Reynlds is better than Justin Cooper.

Blade: It looks like Justin Cooper might be the biggest loser in all of wrestling. Seriously, this may be the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever seen. First he fakes his death to avoid the match, then he pees his pants in front of thousands of fans and a live pay-per-view audience, and now he’s crying! What a joke!

Reynolds slips out of the ring and makes his way around the barricades, shaking hands with the fans that supported him in this match. After he finishes expressing his gratitude, Reynolds makes his way backstage, but not before stopping at the top of the ramp for one last moment as a WZCW wrestler. He takes a bow and disappears backstage, leaving a crying, pathetic Justin Cooper alone in the ring. The audience takes advantage of this situation by throwing garbage at Justin Cooper.

Blade: Yeah Cooper, take that! Now you’re surrounded by what you are!

Blade: Hey! I wasn’t done eating that corn dog! Throw your own damn food!

 

[Richard Blonoff]

We cut to some footage of the WZCW intern from earlier that is pushing the cart of coffee cups. He pushes them right into a break-room where none other than WZCW Announcer, Johnny Klamor, is. Klamor walks up to the intern.

Klamor: Kid.

Intern: Who me?

Klamor: Yeah, you. Look, I lost my favorite mug a couple weeks ago that I have used since I started my tenure in WZCW. I am needing a new one. Tell me, what would be the probability of me swiping one off of this cart for me to use for the foreseeable future? Then, one day when you are unemployed and I'm still raking in the big dough, you can watch Aftershock and see me with this cup. You can tell all your dead-beat friends that you gave me that cup.

Intern: Uh, sure Mr. Klamor.

The intern grabs the closest cup he can find, which happens to be the cat one.

Klamor: Thanks kid.

Klamor smiles as he takes the cup and walks off. As he leaves the camera zooms in on the cat's eyes once again. Shrieking music plays in the background as the scene fades out.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Joe Mason is standing backstage with his friend, boss, and number one contender, Ricky Runn.

Runn: Why are you so nervous my main man Ma-san? You’ve done this before.

Mason: It’s been a long time Ricky, and when I left WZCW I was nothing more than a joke! What if they laugh at me?

Runn: My ninja, you may not believe it, but some people still laugh at me. You know what I do? I tell myself that they’re just laughing because they’re jealous of all this swag I carry around, and I realize that I’m literally better than everyone in the world.

Mason: I don’t think you should be saying my ninja. I think everyone knows what word you’d really like to use, and while the African-American community has reappropriated that word to deprive it of its original meaning, it’s still quite offensive for a Caucasian such as you or I to use.

Ricky Runn starts laughing and slaps Mason on the back.

Runn: Oh Joe, you slay me. Seriously bro, you could be a comedian with crap like that. Now go out there and pound some pussy!

Runn starts pushing a very hesitant Mason out the door.

Mason: And that’s highly sexist!

Blade: Tag team action up next, don't go away.

Blade: Oh, I didn't know your mom was going on next.

 

[Richard Blonoff]

Saboteur: This is a tag team match and luckily for both teams, I’m not participating!

[youtube]WBZzYhcQTDo[/youtube]​

The man formerly known as Mr. Morality walks onto the stage, microphone in hand.

Saboteur: Introducing first, from Blue Valley, Nebraska, now with an extra syllable in his name, Mr. Immorality!

Before he can speak, Hollywood Jameson comes out, takes the mic, and eats it.

[youtube]H9EvnVCfHUQ[/youtube]​

Saboteur: And his partner… wow I legitimately thought Joe Mason was dead. Apparently not. The partner is Joe Mason.

Immorality and Jameson argue down the ramp, and Mason, Donny J, and PC the teddy bear jaw with the fans lining the aisle.

[youtube]VTT6picaCoQ[/youtube]​

The lights dim low in the arena as purple static lights begin flashing everywhere. Serafina slowly makes her way out to the top of the stage, holding a crystal ball outstretched in her hands. Suddenly she lifts the crystal ball high into the air as purple pyro erupts on the sides of the stage around her.

Saboteur: Their opponents, first, she used to hang out with Ty Burna, who, by the way, I beat on Meltdown 61 to end his year-long undefeated streak, Serafina!

She climbs the steel steps and enters the ring, holding the crystal ball up high once more as the lights come up into a purple hue. After she sits down in a corner, cradling the crystal ball while staring at her opponent or towards the entrance stage.

[youtube]OjrcjzLxDBk[/youtube]​

LGMII comes out onto the stage and cracks her knuckles before running toward the ring.

Saboteur: And her partner, who, despite the name, is apparently also a lady-person, Le Gentleman Masque II!

LGMII climbs into the ring and onto the turnbuckle with the intention of a quick nap, but is awoken by the bell.

Masque sluggishly climbs to the apron as Serafina starts off against Mason. They circle each other and go to lock up, but Joe rolls away, slaps Immorality on the chest, and heads to the floor. The posse comes over to check on Mason.

Mason: Gee guys, I can’t fight a girl!

PC: It’s easy, just kick her square in the cu~

Mason covers the bear’s mouth before he can say any more.

Blade: We almost had to raise the rating of this broadcast, Blade.

Blade: Just to clarify, you mean the MPAA rating. Nothing involving Joe Mason could raise viewer ratings.

Back in the ring, Mr. Immorality has no issues locking up with a woman. After a quick struggle, Immorality pulls Serafina into a side headlock. She is able to shoot him off the ropes, but the much larger competitor runs her over with little difficulty. He waits for Serafina to get back to her feet, before grabbing her by the hair to pull her in range for a European uppercut. Immorality goes for a pin, but there’s a kick out before a one count. Both wrestlers quickly get back to their feet. Immorality shoves Serafina back into the ropes and takes her down with a lariat. Another pin sees Serafina kick out at one. She quickly crawls over to her corner to tag in a dozing LGMII.

Mason: Hey! That one looks like the one guy that used to wrestle here! I can face that one!

Mason jumps back onto the apron and reaches out for the tag. Immorality shrugs and tags him in.

Mason: I DID IT! I’M BACK IN WZCW!

Joe runs around the ring in celebration and climbs to the second rope in one of the corners. He doesn’t realize Masque has walked up behind him, however, until she grabs onto his legs, sending him face first into the top turnbuckle. She holds up, climbing up the ropes herself, and takes Mason to the mat with a wheelbarrow superplex. LGMII quickly goes for a pin, 1…2.. kick out by Joe. Masque runs the ropes, loading up another attack, but Donny J grabs her ankle. She manages to stay on her feet, but as she turns to yell at Mason’s posse, Joe himself comes up behind her and hits a dragon suplex. Mason and Masque both climb back to their feet with Mason staggering LGMII with a throat thrust. Before she can recover, Joe takes her down with a dragon screw leg whip and holds on, putting pressure on the now-damaged knee. Masque struggles to find a way out while her face is twisted in pain.

Blade: If her knee takes too much more damage, there’s no way LGMII will be able to fight off her much bigger opponents.

Blade:…wow, Blade. That was actually some good insight.

Blade: It’s a new gimmick I’m trying out. Doubt it’ll last. Much like your marriage, Blade.

Mason adjusts his hold slightly so he can reach to the corner and tag in Mr. Immorality. Immorality immediately begins stomping away at the damaged knee of Masque. He goes to lock in another hold, but LGMII is able to crawl to the ropes and force Immorality to let her up. As he comes in to follow up, Masque is able to connect with a shin kick and attempts to run the ropes, even with a slight limp. She rebounds into a spinning heel kick from Immorality. He hooks the leg for a pin, 1…2.. Masque gets the shoulder up. Immorality, however, holds onto her leg and transitions into a British figure four leglock. LGMII is lying on the mat in pain, trying to find an escape despite being in the middle of the ring. She fights toward the ropes, but the closest ropes are the ones in the corner where Joe Mason in standing. In addition, Hollywood Jameson has been holding that rope for part of the match, making it too greasy to grab a hold of. Masque is able to slip out and rolls up Immorality, 1...2... he is able to kick out and tag in Joe Mason.

Mason climbs to the top rope and as he comes off, Immorality releases the hold and Joe connects with double knees to the back of Masque. He rolls her over for the pin, 1…2…3, NO! LGMII gets he leg on the bottom rope (a non-greased one) before the 3. Mason doesn’t realize it, however, and runs across the ring to slide to the floor and celebrate with his posse. None of them notice Serafina, though, and she dives off the apron onto the men and teddy bear with a cannonball! She jumps back onto the apron as both Mason on the outside and Masque in the ring try to get back to their feet. LGMII starts to crawl toward her corner while Joe gets placed back in the ring by his posse. Both creep closer to their corners until both tags are made simultaneously!

Immorality and Serafina both charge into the ring with Serafina ducking a right hand, grabbing Immorality’s arm, and taking him down with a short arm clothesline. He pops back up, but right into a spinning neckbreaker from Serafina. He gets up a second time, but a crescent kick will keep him down for a pin, 1…2.. Immorality kicks out. Serafina is back to her feet first and loads up a bicycle kick, but Immorality is able to duck it and connect with a Kesagiri chop to the back of her neck. While she tries to recover, Immorality climbs to the top and hits a flying clothesline right when Serafina turns around. He ends up a little too close to his own corner, however, and Joe Mason tags himself in.

Blade: Oh man, Mr. Immorality looks pissed.

Blade: Much like your wife when she realized you weren’t really a billionaire entrepreneur like you claimed.

Blade: Women aren’t my strong suit, Blade.

Immorality stares down Mason before climbing to the floor and heading up the ramp, leaving Mason all alone. Serafina charges at him at takes him down with a spinning headscissors. Seeing that Joe may be in trouble, the three members of his posse climb into the ring to help. First in is Donny J, who gets his head nearly taken off by a huge lariat from Masque who entered the ring to help her partner. Next is Hollywood Jameson, who gets stuck in the ropes and then takes a bicycle kick from Serafina and keeps her boot on, despite Jameson trying to eat it. Finally, there is just PC the teddy bear. Before he can yell anything to inappropriate for me to type, LGMII lies him on the mat, and smashes his head and tears off his arms with a curb stomp! Both women turn their attention back to Joe Mason. Serafina drops him with the Spell Broken DDT and heads toward the turnbuckle. Mason struggles to start getting back up, but lands back on his hands and knees from a huge punch from Masque, who then goes to take a nap, using PC as a pillow. Finally, Serafina comes off the top with The Tarot of Misfortune and rolls into the easy pin, 1…2…3!

Saboteur: Your winners, Serafina and Le Gentleman Masque II!

The referee raises Serafina’s hand and goes to do the same for LGMII, but is shoved away, as she is clearly more interested in her nap than having her hand raised.

 

[Richard Blonoff]

We cut backstage where The Highwayman stumbles through the building looking disorientated. He passes by backstage workers who look freaked out.

The Highwayman: Do you have change? Or the whereabouts of James Franco? Please, I just need some Cajun Pasta or a lock of Franco's hair. You have to help me, last night I slept on a rock, weeping quietly and cradling a copy of 127 Hours. I just--

The Highwayman feels a chill down his spine. Monroe the vampire suddenly appears behind him. He bites into the Highwayman's neck and drains him of his blood. The Highwayman collapses to the ground, as Monroe smiles to himself, wiping the blood from his lips before walking away for his match.

The backstage workers are unsure what to do as the Highwayman's body twitches on the ground. Suddenly, the journeyman wakes, his face pale and his eyes red. It takes a moment, but his eyes snap into focus as he realises what just happened. Then, a smile across his face.


He levitates on a spot, before he flies out of the building.

The Highwayman: I'M COMING JAMES! I'M COMING!

One backstage worker begins a slow clap, and within seconds a crowd of backstage workers are giving the Highwayman a round of applause as he flies into the night sky to find James Franco....

 

[Richard Blonoff]

Saboteur: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is a Coffee Cup Match! In the middle of the ring is a circular coffee table with a lone coffee cup on top of it. Inside of the cup is piping hot coffee. In order to win the match, the victor must drink from it. Let’s get it on![/B]

The camera pans around the ring and we see a delightful little coffee cup with a picture of a cat on it in the middle of the ring on top of the table.

Blade: Well, I’ve seen some odd matches in WZCW before, but nothing quite like this.

Blade: I agree. Hopefully it turns out to be more interesting than it sounds.

​

A well-groomed man walks out dressed in a nicely coloured suit and adjusts his tie at the top of the stage. He makes sure his hair is just perfect before he strolls down the ramp, waving only at the attractive women he sees along the ramp. Most of them roll their eyes, but he picks out one to flirt on and to give out his number to her.

Saboteur: Introducing first, from Philadelhia, Pennsylvania, weighing 206lbs, Walter Feldgrau!!

Blade: I like this fellow. He has a friendly news-giving demeanor.

Blade: I wouldn’t trust you to be a good judge of character.

Walter hops into the ring as the next theme begins to play.

​

At 0:38 of the theme (where the electric guitar comes in) at fat man walks out of the gorilla position.

Blade: I don’t believe it. It is well-known, and obese, wrestling columnist, Mark Madden!

"Mad" Mark Madden trots onto the stage, looking smug about himself before proceeding to get in the face of fans at ringside telling him he's fat.

Saboteur: And his opponent, from the IWC, a man that breaks elevator weight limits on his own, “Mad” Mark Madden!

Mark gets into a heated discussion with one fan in-particular at ringside. After shouting at each other over things like work rates, backstage rumors and how much his articles suck because he's fat, Madden spits in the fan's face and rolls into the ring before laughing at the chorus of boos from the audience.

Madden and Walter are now both in their respective corners as the fans don’t seem too impressed by them.

Blade: Well, now would be as good of time as any to announce our referee for this match.

The camera shows a dinky looking robot in the ring with a referee shirt.

Blade: Refereetron, the way of the future, and a wonderful donation by Starks Agency.

Blade: Refereetron, huh?

Blade: Yes Blade, think of it as an experiment. If everything goes well tonight with Refereetron, we could see the total elimination of human referees for the cheaper alternative of robotic officials!

Blade: Surely the union can’t be happy about this.

Blade: Hmm.

The camera shows Refereetron mic’ing up both men in the ring.

Blade: What is he doing?

Blade: Both men requested to be mic’d up for this match. They both feel that their voice should be heard.

Blade: Oh god.

Refereetron has just got done with checking on both Walter and Madden before signaling for the bell. It rings throughout the O2 Arena and the match begins. Madden rushes to the center of the ring, and Walter does the same. However, the short distance has left Madden winded. He asks Walter for just a minute as he uses the coffee table for support. He begins coughing up flem as he tries to regain his breath. Walter strokes his mustache as he ponders what to do.

Walter: Heeya!

Walter decides to show no mercy as he grabs the head of Madden and slams his forehead into the table. Madden bounces off of it as the table wobbles. Walter follows up with several stomps as Madden wallows like a pig on the ground.

Walter: Breaking news! I am kicking your ass!

Walter drops to one knee and proceeds to shove his thumb into the eye of Madden. Madden shrieks in pain. Walter finally releases the eye gouge.

Blade: Ouch, an eye gouge. What rules apply in this match exactly?

Blade: Only one, and that is the winner must be decided by a sip from the cup.

The camera shows the cat-faced coffee cup again. We return to Walter as he kicks Madden all the way into a corner. Walter pulls him up into a slumped position. He then sends a stiff kick into the gut of Madden, proceeded by him pulling his head into a pre-DDT fashion. Walter strokes his mustache with his free-hand as he holds Madden in position.

Walter: This is a traffic report. I’m reporting a series of injuries and a major crash to the forehead of Mark Madden!

Walter drops Madden’s head with DDT! The crowd kind of cheers, but they are still annoyed by Walter’s mannerisms. Walter proceeds to stand up after delivering the maneuver and goes for the cup on the table. The crowd perks up as Walter wipes his mouth in anticipation. He reaches for the cup, but suddenly he feels his feet fly out from underneath him as Madden pulls him down.

Blade: Some life from Mark Madden!

Madden and Walter both spring up off the ground, but Walter walks right into a hurricanrana from Madden out of nowhere!

Blade: What the!

This actually generates some buzz as Madden stands tall after the executed manuever. Madden notices the pop and begins yelling out.

Madden: Don’t cheer for me you hypocrites!

Madden wobbles over to the downed Walter and picks him up. Just as he picks him up, Walter lunges with a clothesline, but no! Madden ducks under and runs towards some nearby ropes. He jumps onto the second rope and bounces off to execute a springboard dropkick! The blow sends Walter spinning around and landing on his upper-torso on the coffee table, barely missing the cup. Once again we zoom in on the cup. The crowd is shocked and impressed by Mark Madden’s display of athleticism. Madden gets up and grabs Walter by his hair.

Blade: I never knew that Madden had it in him.

Blade: Yeah, I always just thought he was a fat no-good.

Madden addresses Walter as he turns him around to face him.

Madden: You think what you do is journalism? I am the real professional in this ring!

Madden delivers a few punches to the forehead of Walter, until Walter fires back with a humongous slap into the jiggling cheeks of Madden.

Walter: Suck it, Madden! You fat sack of crap!

Madden wipes his face after the slap. He becomes enraged by Walter calling him fat. He reaches up and grabs the head of Walter with one hand as he takes the other and rips off one side of Walter’s moustache!

The crowd gasps.

Blade: Oh god, that had to hurt!

Walter screams like a girl as he holds where half his mustache use to be.

Walter: You bastard!

Madden looks at the bloody mustache he his holding before he discards it to his side. He begins to step toward Walter. Walter begins backing away as he bumps into the coffee table.

Walter: Please, Madden! You did your damage. Let’s not squabble any longer!

Madden: I’m going to finish this now!

Walter: Alright, if you insist!

Walter pretends to cower in fear, but he actually slides a microphone out of his suit sleeve and proceeds to deck Madden in the forehead with it!

The crowd is shocked as Madden is sprawled out on the ground.

The crowd actually pops a little over the spot.

Walter: How was that face-to-face interview?! You fat bastard!

Walter drops the microphone and it appears that Madden has begun to bleed profusely from his forehead. Walter turns around and looks at the coffee mug on the table. He lets out a sigh of relief as he reaches down for the handle. He grabs it and the crowd begins to buzz some more.

Blade: This could be it!

Walter lifts the cup, but it is stuck. He looks confused, but he tries to tug on the cup again. This time the cup comes up fast and spills hot coffee on his suit.

Walter: Damn it! This is cashmere!

Walter takes a minute to sulk over his stained suit, but then moves on. He raises the rim of the cup up to his lips. Just before he takes a sip, the cup falls out of his hands. Walter frantically tries to catch it before it spills all over the ground. Miraculously, he does and he doesn’t spill a drop! Suddenly, Madden springs up into a sitting position, as if he just woke up out of a state of unconsciously.

Madden: I’M AWAKE!

Walter gets startled while holding the cup.

Walter: OH S***!

He flings the scalding hot coffee from the cup on Madden’s face. Madden begins shrieking and rolling around as steam fumes off of his melted face. Walter accidentally drops the cup afterwards and as he tries to back away from the disfigured Madden, but he slips on the cup and slams the side of his head on the coffee table. The now empty coffee cup turns upright and remains sitting on the ground.

Refereetron looks at the two damaged men and then at the cup. The robot runs to the ropes where Saboteur greets him. Refereetron tells him something and Saboteur nods.

Saboteur: Ahem! Excuse me. Refereetron has informed me that Madden didn’t technically drink from the cup, so therefore he is not the winner. However, since there is no liquid in the cup any long for someone to drink, this has now turned into a normal match for everyone in the ring. That’s right. It is now a triple threat match!

Blade: A triple threat?

Saboteur: That includes Madden, Walter, and the cup!

The crowd pops for the cup!

Suddenly, the television screen goes fuzzy. There is a brief silence, but then we hear a familiar voice.

Blade: Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize, but we are having some technical difficulties. Until we get it fixed we will relay to you play-by-play actions. Again, I am so sorry for the inconvenience.

Blade: Oh my god Blade, the cup! The cup is up and he is moving towards the disfigured Madden! Oh my god, he has him up and HEADBUTT! A headbutt from the cup!

Blade: I cannot believe what I am seeing right now. Madden’s burnt face just got 7oz’s of porcelain shoved into his face.

Blade: Don’t look now, but Walter isn’t safe either! Oh my god, he is picking up Walter! Backbreaker on his handle out of nowhere! What a move!

Blade: Both men are down now, but I don’t think the cup is done. The crowd is going wild as you might hear from home. Again, we apologize for the lack of video feed.

Blade: No, this can’t be! The cup is getting both Walter and Madden up at the same time. He is tucking both of their heads and he is pulling them over towards the coffee table!

Blade: This move should be illegal. He could kill both of them!

A huge crash is heard as the crowd goes ballistic.

Blade: Double piledriver! Double piledriver by the cup through the coffee table to both Madden and Walter! They are both down and cup is making the cover!

Suddenly the video feed comes back on as we see the cup resting on top of a stacked Madden and Walter over the debris from the coffee table. Refereetron makes the count,

1
.
.
.
.
.
.
2
.
.
.
.
.
.
3!

The bell rings as the crowd pops.

Saboteur: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner by pinfall, Coffee Cup!

The cup’s music begins to play as the crowd cheers.

​

Refereetron goes to lift up the cup, but it flies out the robot’s hand. It lands outside of the ring and rolls towards a drain at the end of the entrance ramp. It slips through the cracks and disappears.

Blade: Why the hell do we have a sewer drain at the bottom of our entrance ramp?

Blade: Plot advancement.

With that, the match is over and the crowd is stunned at what they just saw. The coffee cup wins and we are left wondering what has happened to it. The end.... Of this match that is.

 

[Richard Blonoff]

Robbie Lumbar is standing in his locker room watching a television.

Lumbar: NO! NO! THIS IS BULL! OPEN YA GAHDDAHM EYES UMPIAH! AH YOU BLIND OR SOMETHING?

Robbie Lumbar flips the television over and the set comes crashing down to the floor of the locker room.

Lumbar: Bahston needs a win right now, and if the Sawx ahren’t gonna give them one, then I guess it’s up to me, Bahston Strong Robbie Lumbah!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Saboteur: The following contest is set for one fall and is a fatal four way elimination match!

[YOUTUBE]NsLyI1_R01M[/YOUTUBE]​

Music hits and Lumbar (with a Red Sox hat atop his head) heads straight to the ring while getting the crowd to sing the Sweet Caroline chorus with him.

Saboteur: First, from the Great City of Boston, Massachusetts, “Boston Strong” Robbie Lumbar!

Blade: Well Blade, this may very well me the most courageous and charismatic individual we see here tonight.

Blade: Except for yours truly, I completely agree.

[YOUTUBE]Ezrbyf6t9mY[/YOUTUBE]​

Saboteur: And his opponent, from Space Hollywood…. Recoome!

A capsule falls from above and opens as Recoome exits and stretches before making his signature Ginyu Force pose.

Blade: Hmmm….Space Hollywood, interesting location for a potential heist to take place.

Blade: If its residents look anything like this guy I doubt that would be a good idea Blade.

[YOUTUBE]m_UHO60tkdg[/YOUTUBE]​

Black and purple Smoke fills the entrance as Bernkastel walks down the ramp with a small smirk on his face; his memory already lapsing as he thinks about all the fun he's about to have. He walks through the smoke, down the ramp, climbs the steps and gets into the ring.

Saboteur: The next competitor, from Bernkastel-Kues, Germany…. Bernkastel!

Blade: Nothing clever to say Blade?

Blade: Honestly I’ve got nothing; I’m in awe of this man’s physique.

Blade: Finally, we’ve been waiting for you shut up for a while now.

[YOUTUBE]uoUCyrg5Syo[/YOUTUBE]​

With a black blazer draped over his shoulders (think Wade Barrett), he comes down the ramp. The lights go off and Monroe appears next to the ring when it comes back on. He shrugs off the garment and lays down a long-stemmed, black rose on the apron, before rolling into the ring. Then, he rests his hands on the top ropes in his corner, awaiting the start of the match.

Saboteur: And finally, from The Crypt of Lover's Tryst….Monroe!

Blade: Bingo! Now I’ve got some material to work with, crazy lunatic who thinks he’s some Supernatural or unrealistic entity? Who does this guy think he is?

Blade: Hmm….I have the feeling we’ve seen two people fitting that description before….

Blade: Shut your mouth Blade we would never let people like this into the regular civilized WZCW.

The bell rings as all four men make their way to center and begin a standoff. However the intensity of their steely resolve is no match for the fans as they loudly chant the name of Robbie Lumbar. The fans are so into him he himself is halfway up the turnbuckle chanting alongside with them getting the crowd more pumped. Monroe, Recoome, and Bernkastel make quick eye contact and simultaneously all trap Lumbar in the corner and begin a vicious assault.

Blade: Rookie mistake on the part of Lumbar, shouldn’t have took his eyes off the match.

Each of the three men take turns delivering hard shots to the midsection and face of Boston Strong before Bernkastel eventually delivers a devastating big boot knocking him out of the ring. Immediately after doing so Bern backs himself into a corner preparing to take on the other two competitors who are also ready to square off amongst themselves. Before any of that can even occur however Robbie actually on his feet, just barely making into the ring. After a few seconds of struggling Lumbar is back in front of his three attackers begging for more, the fans love his bravery!

Blade: He wants to take them all on again! You have to give this guy credit.

Blade: For what? Being an idiot? He should have waited for the right opportunity and stole the win.

Blade: Blade I thought we agreed we weren’t going to approve that type of behavior anymore.

Blade: Old habits die hard I guess.

Lumbar’s three opponents indulge them as they all again begin giving him a beat down. He valiantly tries to hold on his own but is overcome by his enemies speed and strength. After some more devastating shots to the face, body slams, and lariats Monroe delivers Red Mist to the eyes of the Boston hero and then delivers a sick neck breaker! With Robbie seemingly dead to rights in the corner Monroe looks to return to finally square off with the rest of the opposition but he’s stopped by something clutching to his leg.

Blade: Is….is that Lumbar?

Robbie is clutching the leg of Monroe! The Boston hero is blinded and injured but he is still refusing to back down and is clutching to the vampire’s leg ready to fight! Of course due to no sight what so ever Robbie misses every swing he thinks he’s taking at Monroe who is finding amusement in this. Bernkastel and Recoome are however not. The incredibly tall and strong Recoome delivers a punch to gut of Lumbar, jumps up taking the Boston hero high into the air with him and then hits a devastating Piledrivah!

Blade: Jesus Christ! That had to break Lumbar’s neck!

The crowd boos in response to Recoome’s painful offense as he chuckles proud of what he’s done. The freakish giant turns around ready to take on the next two but suddenly the crowd in once again in a cheering frenzy. Recoome turns around and almost can’t believe his eyes as Robbie Lumbar is up once again! The Boston hero is clutching his injured neck in the corner furiously shouting that “Boston Men never give up!” Recoome is now and charges at Lumbar smashing all of his body weight into the Boston hero. He then sets Lumbar up on top of the turnbuckle. Once again takes himself and Robbie up into the air and brings him down straight to the floor with a PILEDRIVAH!!!!!!!

Blade: OH MY GAWD!!!! Is he alive!?!!?!?!?

The crowd is stunned silent at what they have just witnessed as Robbie Lumbar isn’t moving. Medical officials are rushing down from the back to check on the unconscious Lumbar as Recoome hops back in the ring ready to fight. The tall giant charges at Monroe but the Vampire does a cartwheel evasion and Recoome hits the turnbuckles while Bernkastel turns him around and follows up with a belly to bell suplex.

Blade: I honestly have no idea how I’m supposed to focus on what’s in the ring after what we just witnessed.

Blade: We have to be professionals, the paramedics know what they are doing and I’m sure Lumbar will be fine. Though he probably isn't and never will be again.

Robbie is being stretched out of the arena as Bernkastel goes for the cover on Recoome 1….2….kickout by the big man. Monroe joins the action and delivers a few blows to Bern that has little effect on his body. Bern catches one of the shots the vampire tries to throw and delivers a short arm clothesline. Recoome is back up now and he begins trading shots with Bern. Meanwhile, Monroe begins ascending the turnbuckle and attempts to cross body both of his opponents but both Recoome and Bern catch him in midair! The chuck him up high looking to deliver some double team offense on the way down but Monroe delivers a knee drop to Recoome and is quick enough to somehow flip over to Bern and deliver a Monkey Flip!

Blade: Great agility by Monroe there, maybe he is a vampire.

Blade: That’s like saying S.H.I.T really is a robot.

Blade: It’s all real to me damnit!

Monroe delivers a snap mare that sends Bern out of the ring and stalks Recoome. Monroe goes on one knee and blows the red mist, then swoops around Recoome, jumps on his back and locks in the Embrace!

Blade: Monroe has locked in that devastating standing sleeper! But is….is he biting Recoome’s neck as well?

The vampire is indeed sinking his fangs into the freakishly tall and giant as Recoome slowly fades dropping to one knee and then both. The ref raises the arm of Recoome and then lets it go as he quickly hits the mat with no sign of life; Recoome is out cold as the ref rings the bell.

Saboteur: Recoome has been eliminated!

Monroe chuckles in sick delight but doesn’t get to enjoy himself long as Bern is back in and hits a Military Press Drop on the vampire and goes for the cover 1…2…Recoome breaks up the pin?!

Blade: What the hell is he doing?

The tall giant throws Bern off the cover with an emotionless blank expression on his face. The ref tells him he’s been eliminated and to get out but he just shoves him to the side a delivers a huge Lariat to Bern.

Blade: That look in Recoome’s eyes, it’s the same one that’s in Monroe’s….could he have turned Recoome into a vampire?!

Monroe sits up with crossed arms and sick laugh as it seems he does have Recoome completely under his control now. He commands him to continue decimating Bern as the fans boo viciously. He seemingly has everything in his favor and closing in on a win until-

[YOUTUBE]NsLyI1_R01M[/YOUTUBE]​

The crowd loses it as Robbie Lumbar who is in a neck brace sprints down the ramp ready to fight!

Blade: What’s he doing here? He was taken out earlier!

Blade: But he was never officially eliminated!

Lumbar charges into the ring and throws Monroe up in the air and hits a Samoan drop! The Boston hero then pulls Recoome off of Bern and hits a spinning spine buster taking the big man down. Lumbar then plays to crowd a bit, cradles Recoome’s legs and begins a giant swing spinning Recoome around in circles until he throws him through the ropes to the outside!

Blade: What an incredible show of strength!

Lumbar follows Recoome to the outside, lifts him up and hits a devastating running powerslam onto the announce table! The fans are going wild at Lumbar’s display strength and well deserved revenge on Recoome. Monroe is shocked by the destruction of his minion but is turned around by Bern as he hits a massive running Lariat on the vampire. Bernkastel stands over his fallen opponent with an emotionless expression on his face following the lariat and picks up Monroe for the Executioner! The vertical suplex side slam is too much for the Vampire as the ref makes the three count!

Saboteur: Monroe is eliminated!

It’s down to Bern and Lumbar now as they stare each other down. The Boston hero charges inside the ring and ducks under a lariat from Bern and hits a knee trembler. Lumbar bounces off the ropes and hits a knee drop straight to Bern. He picks Bern up and then does an Airplane spin so long it makes the crowd dizzy as both fall to the mat. They both struggle to get up but Robbie is able to charge at Bern but he moves out of the way as the Boston hero hits the turnbuckles and Bern hits a Military Press into a Michinoku Driver II! He covers Robbie 1…2….No the Boston hero kicks out! He’s clutching his neck in extreme pain but Lumbar just will not give up and the fans are behind him completely!

Blade: This guy definitely has my respect, what a performance!

Blade: Eh, I could have done better.

Bern rips off the neck brace and furiously smashes the injured neck of Robbie. He picks up Lumbar tries to go for the Executioner but Lumbar slips out and hits a Powerbomb! He picks Bern up and hits another one; he chants with the crowd and hits an astounding third powerbomb onto Bern! He flips him over into the Boston crab and Bern is forced to submit!

Saboteur: Bern is eliminated! And your winner by Submission, Robbie Lumbar!

Blade: He did it! The Boston Hero did it! Robbie Lumbar never gave up and it payed off in the end!

Blade: What a match, definitely something you won’t see on a regular WZCW show on a consistent basis.

Lumbar celebrates his victory in the crowd with the cheering fans very pleased by his victory.

 

[Richard Blonoff]

Backstage we see a dual shot of Pinkie Pie and Tiffany Wyatt in their respective locker rooms. Just before they reveal anything too steamy the camera cuts back to the commentary booth.

Blade: Coming up next we have a special women's match between......

Suddenly, we cut to some footage of the coffee cup from a match earlier that is floating through a sewer drain. It rushes down with a gush of water, but suddenly takes a detour down a side-pipe. We hear clinking sounds as we see it pop out of a pipe that a janitor is working on in one of the arena bathrooms. The cup pings across the room until bouncing out of the bathroom and landing on a cart of normal coffee cups that a WZCW intern is pushing. The camera zooms in on the eyes of the coffee cup as we cut out.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Saboteur: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Though I have a feeling they will fall down many times today.

[YOUTUBE]gNTlamTMEYI[/YOUTUBE]​

Introducing first, from Fort Worth, Texas, weighing in at 120lbs, Tiffany Wyatt!

Pink and purple spotlights flash continuously during the entrance. She walks out and kneels on the entrance ramp, prays for a moment up until the song picks up in speed, then she runs to the ring, gets up on the turnbuckles. She holds up a pink d20 with a smile on her face and blows kisses to the fans.

Blade: We are joined here for this match by a special guest, the number one contender for the WZCW Heavyweight Championship, Ricky Runn.

Blade: How come I'm not the number one contender?

Blade: Probably because you are awful.

Runn: Y'all ninjas need to shut up. I'm here supporting my boy Joe Mason tonight, but when I heard the ladies would be in action I had to come check it out. The Swag Pack could always use new groupies.

[YOUTUBE]0gfniCDbbzg#t=93[/YOUTUBE]​

And her opponent, from Ponyville, Equestria...wait...seriously?!? Ok fine, from Ponyville, Equestria, weighing in at 121lbs, Pinkamena Diane Pie!

The arena is covered in hot pink lighting as Pinkie explodes out of the entrance ramp, super excited to be with everybody. She runs towards the crowd, making friends with as many people in the audience as she can before running up to the camera, pressing her face into it and talking to the viewers at home. She slides into the ring and squeezes the referee & announcer, before heading to the outside and doing the same to the commentators.

Runn: Well she certainly has energy, which means she can go all night. You now when I wake up I like to go again, and....Blade are you dancing?

Blade: No.

Runn: Not you, the other Blade.

The camera pans to Blade who is indeed dancing. The referee calls for the bell and Pinkie immediately begins to jump around. She grabs the arms of Tiffany and begins to skip around the ring with her. They make a couple of laps around before Pinkie yells out.

HOOF BUMP!

She tries to brohoof Tiffany, only to hit her directly in the face. She tries again, this time hitting Tiffany in the jaw, staggering her. As Pinkie looks on in horror, Tiffany comes back angered and tackles her opponent. She begins to grab the hair and slap at Pinkie, only for Pinkie to reverse. She ends up on top but she stands and backs away. My Turn!

She run and jumps on Tiffany with a Thesz press, again trying to bro hoof her opponent(friend), but she again fails. She stands and tries to apologize, only for Tiffany to take her down with a clothesline. Pinkie jumps to her feet, but Tiffany puts her right back down with a second clothesline. Pinkie again jumps to her feet, but Tiffany hits a swift kick to the midsection before planting Pinkie with a DDT. The ref slides into position as Tiffany attempts a pinfall...
.
.
1!
.
.
.
2!
.
.
.
And a kick out by Pinkie.

Blade: Tiffany Wyatt, looking more like an actual wrestler tonight.

Blade: Speaking of things that look like wrestling, I caught your mom doing something with the mailman yesterday.

Tiffany locks onto an armbar before Pinkie can stand. As she wrenches on it, Pinkie fights it all the way, trying to stand. Despite getting to her feet, Pinkie is still in trouble as Tiffany drops an elbow onto the arm. She shakes her arm out as Tiffany lets go of the hold. She hits a couple of quick right hands before she Irish whips Pinkie into the ropes. Tiffany looks for a clothesline, but Pinkie ducks. Off the rebound Pinkie leaps, trying to hug Tiffany. The momentum carries them down, with Pinkie connecting with a most unorthodox tornado DDT. Pinkie quickly crawls to her feet and climbs to the top turnbuckle, laughing with glee the entire time. As Tiffany slowly stands, she looks around for her foe, unable to locate her.

Catch me! Catch me!

Tiffany turns just as Pinkie leaps off the top rope in a cannonball, taking her down hard.

Blade: Pinkie hits the party cannon!

Runn: I'd like to show some bitch my party cannon tonight.

Blade: Well you have two attractive women in the ring, plus Blade's mom is in the back. It looks like Tiffany may be out cold, which is perfect for a man like you.

Runn: Not my type.I know she like chocolate men She got more ninjas off than Cochran.

As Blade and Blade look at Runn confused, Pinkie stands and begins to skip around the ring as Tiffany slowly gets to her feet. Pinkie tries to help Tiffany to her feet, lifting her onto her shoulders. She decides to make engine noises as she airplane spins Tiffany. She sets Tiffany onto her feet, but she is walking uneasy, dizzily. Pinkie begins to hug her new found friend. Without realizing it, she squeezes to tight as she swings her around. As she hugs her, she begins to sing to the audience, who are all smiling and singing along with Pinkie.

♪My name is Pinkie Pie
and I am here to say
I'm gonna make you smile
and I will brighten up your day

It doesn't matter now
if you are sad or blue
'cause cheering up my friends is just
what Pinkie's here to do

'Cause I love to make you smile, smile, smile
it fills my heart with sunshine all the while
'cause all I really need's a smile, smile, smile
from these happy friends of mine

I like to see you grin
I love to see you beam
the corners of your mouth turned up
is always Pinkie's dream

But if you're kind of worried
and your face has made a frown
I'll work real hard and do my best
to turn that sad frown upside down

'Cause I love to make you grin, grin, grin
busted out from ear to ear, let it begin
just give me a joyful grin, grin, grin
and you fill me with good cheer

It's true, some days are dark and lonely
and maybe you feel sad
but Pinkie will be there to show you that it isn't that bad

There's one thing that makes me happy
and makes my whole life worthwhile
and that's when I talk to my friends and get them to smile

I really am so happy
your smile fills me with glee
I give a smile, I get a smile
and that's so special to me

'Cause I love to see you beam, beam, beam
tell me, what more can I say to make you see that I do?
it makes me happy when you beam, beam, beam
yes, it always makes my day

Come on everypony smile, smile, smile!
fill my heart up with sunshine, sunshine
all I really need's a smile, smile, smile
from these happy friends of mine!

Come on everypony smile, smile, smile!
fill my heart up with sunshine, sunshine
all I really need's a smile, smile, smile
from these happy friends of mine!

Yes a perfect gift for me
is a smile as wide as a mile
to make me happy as can be
smile, smile, smile, smile, smile!

Come on and smile!
come on and smile!♪

The ref informs Pinkie as she finishes her song that Tiffany passed out minutes ago. She drops Tiffany and begins to hug the ref as he attempts to raise her hand.

Saboteur: Here is your winner as a result of a submission, Pinkamena Diane Pie!

Blade: And then I said, "Oatmeal, are you crazy?"

Blade: Pinkie wins, this calls for a party!

 

[Richard Blonoff]

Backstage Bob walks through the building, clipboard in hand, looking rather frantic, as if looking for someone. He asks people as he passes them;

Bob: Have you seen Og? The caveman? He's supposed to be wrestling tonight...

Backstage worker: No, haven't seen him. Have you checked the cafeteria?

Bob walks down the hallway to the cafeteria. Various freaks are littered around eating and talking, though not necessarily food or to another person. But still no sign of Og. Bob walks into the kitchen. As he walks past the freezer, he notices that it isn't full closed. Bob opens up the freezer and peers in. And there he is, Og curled up, refrozen. There's a little note in Og's hand, which Bob pulls out and reads.

Spoiler

"Og like 2013, but Og want to see a time with three-boobed womans. Og will wake up in 3013."

Bob sighs, closes the freezer and walks away.

************************​

The Year 3013

A broken down old freezer in what appears to be a desert wasteland. There's movement in the freezer, and the door pops open. Og climbs out and rubs his eyes. He looks around at the desert wasteland, and the disappointment begins to sink in, until suddenly a voice comes from behind him:

???: Well hello...

And there, standing behind him, a blonde three-boobed woman. Og smiles his semi-toothless smile as we fade out.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Saboteur: Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to get funky? The following contest is an Extreme DDR match. Each contestant will be given thirty seconds to showcase their uber dance skills, until only one man is left standing.

[YOUTUBE]XozMGxsbxLQ[/YOUTUBE]​

Introducing first, from the cellar of the arena....wait a second. Is there even a cellar here? Anyway, he weighed in at 180lbs, The Phantom of Paradyse!

The camera pans to box 5, but finds no one or nothing. It pans around to find The Phantom, and can't seem to find him. He slinks into he ring from the audience, and twirls his cape around. The Phantom tries to hide his face, trying to avoid the shame of everyone looking at him. He climbs the ropes, and hides his face in his hands before leaping off the top rope.

[YOUTUBE]j7SzwugqiXc[/YOUTUBE]​

Introducing second, making his way to the ring, from Funkingham, England,he weighed in tonight at 235lbs, Steven Homie!

The lights grow dim and a disco ball drops from the ceiling as the music starts. When the disco part kicks in, Steven Homie and his girlfriend/skating partner, Sissy Scarlett, roller skate through the curtain busting some funky roller disco in perfect synchronization. Sissy grabs Steven by the waist and the two zig zag down the ramp in a two-person conga line. Upon arriving at the ring, Steven uses his astounding athleticism to jump to the ring apron. Sissy pulls to a stop outside the ring and gets into position to cheer for Steven Homie.

[YOUTUBE]9MeXK4iKK0U[/YOUTUBE]​

And now making his way to the ring, from Starship Funk, he weighed in tonight at more than AKIMan and Sin Cobra combined, who the hell are AKIMan and Sin Cobra? Regardless, he is taller than his momma, Cosmo A!

Sin Cobra and AKIMan come dancing out on stage, beckoning their large cohort from the back. After a few seconds of some funky beats, Cosmo A comes strutting down the ramp, bobbing his head and snapping his fingers to the beat of the song. Sin Cobra and AKIMan continue to dance down the ramp and into the ring, and Cosmo A walks up the steps and gets in with them. They then perform an elaborate three-man dance routine that tears the house down.

[YOUTUBE]vQObWW06VAM[/YOUTUBE]​

And now the fourth man to enter, from Big Member, California, weighing in at 263lbs, Sexton Tempest!

Sexton emerges, doing the hip thrusts in time to the music before pelvic thrusting the entire way down the ramp, he climbs into the ring, making inappropriately lewd comments to the ring announcer and generally belittling his opponents.

[YOUTUBE]CBrWNbjw3RA[/YOUTUBE]​

And finally, making his way to the ring, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 155lbs, the reanimated corpse....you know what, no. I'm not gonna let this happen.

Saboteur drops his mic and runs up the ramp, he immediately begins to assault the corpse. He proceeds to unwrap the man, revealing who is underneath.

Just as I suspected. It's infamous neo Nazi Michael Braun. You are still steamed he didn't let you in last year, so you decided to sabotage the event this year. Well in the words of Mark Wahlberg, not on my watch!

The crowd erupts as Saboteur throws the close minded bigot out.

Now, back to the task at hand, each man will be given thirty seconds to dance to their own theme song. The winner will be determined by crowd reaction.

Up first, Sexton Tempest!

Spoiler

[YOUTUBE]vQObWW06VAM[/YOUTUBE]​

As his music hits, Sexton unleashes a dance routine full of pelvic thrusts. He makes sure to thrust his manliness into each other competitor. Just as his time is ending, he produces a cigarette from his jacket pocket and takes a long drag and blows the smoke into the face of the ref, as the crowd gives a moderate applause.​

Up next, Cosmo A!

Spoiler

[YOUTUBE]9MeXK4iKK0U[/YOUTUBE]​

As his music hits, Cosmo begins to tap his foot. He starts to slowly but surely shuck and jive his way around the ring, shaking his rotund bottom, much to the delight of the crowd.​

Steven Homie, you're up!

Spoiler

[YOUTUBE]j7SzwugqiXc[/YOUTUBE]​

Almost magically, Steven Homie straps on roller skates and begins to execute a near flawless roller disco routine around the ring. The crowd can't help but erupt.​

I think we may have a winner, but we still have one more to go. Up next is Armando...I mean The Phantom of Parydse!

Before he can start his routine however, Steven Homie skates toward him and delivers a giant skate to the face. The music hits but The Phantom is unable to dance, much to the chagrin of the audience, who rain down boos.

Well unfortunately I think that seals it, The Phantom has been eliminated!

Ladies and gentlemen, the next round will be an endurance dance. The first man to stop dancing will be eliminated!

The three men take their place in the center of the ring.

DJ, drop me a beat!

[YOUTUBE]bDbpzjbXUZI[/YOUTUBE]​

As the music begins to play, the three men start to dance. Even Saboteur joins in the festivities, unable to control his body. All four men move as if under a trance, the power of the music too much to resist. Suddenly Steven Homie begins to skate around the ring. On cue Cosmo A starts rump shaking around the ring as well. As the song begins to repeat, Cosmo takes a smart break, leaning in the corner raising the roof. As Sexton Tempest begins to thrust his way around the ring Steven Homie hits a disco clothesline on Sexton, taking him down. The crowd boos, but Saboteur has no choice but to stop dancing and make the call.

Ladies and gentlemen, Sexton Tempest has been eliminated!

Cosmo A shakes his head in the corner as they prepare the final event.

Ladies and gentlemen, the final portion of the match will be the portion you have all been waiting for!

The crowd goes crazy as two ring attendants help lower an actual Dance Dance Revolution arcade game into the ring.

It is simple, the high score on our custom WZCW DDR Machine wins! Cosmo A, you are up first!

[YOUTUBE]Vhf5cuXiLTA[/YOUTUBE]​

As the music finally begins to play Cosmo A begins to unleash his most powerful dance moves. He dances, he dances some more. He raises the roof. He high fives the fan as he dances. He shakes his booty all over the arena. He hits each note with precision, all the while being as funky and smooth as possible. His friends AKIMan and Sin Cobra join in the fun, dancing at ringside. The song finally ends, and Cosmo admires his near perfect score.

That will be tough to beat ladies and gentlemen. Steven Homie you are up next!

[YOUTUBE]Vhf5cuXiLTA[/YOUTUBE]​

The song begins to play, and Steven misses the first few notes. He continues to struggle, his skates proving tough to properly hit the pad. Finally as the crowd begins to laugh, he jumps off the game and attacks Cosmo A. He takes him down with a disco clothesline before raking his skate across his face. He then skates and rebounds off the ropes, hitting the Triple Axel Smash. He then takes the arcade game and throws it on top of Cosmo A! He then raises his arms in victory before he steals the mic from Saboteur.

Steven Homie: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, Steven Homie!

Blade: Well that sucked.

Blade: Your mom sucks.

 

[Richard Blonoff]

Sabotuer: And now Ladies and germs, this is your Main-Event of the night!

​

Saboteur: At six feet tall, weighing 191 pounds. It is Havvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Haven walks out in a spinning motion until stopping at the edge of the entrance ramp in a crouching position with his cape pulled over the bottom half of his face. Finally, he shoots out of the crouching position and makes his way down the ramp while connecting hands with the fans at ringside. Though when he removes his cape, green fireworks explode from the ring posts, signifying the arrival of the Super Hero.

Blade: So this guy is a superhero. With no powers.

Blade: Batman has no powers.

Blade: Batman has the power of fear. This guy has the power of, what, green? He’s going to save the world by harnessing the power of green?

​

Saboteur: Weighing in at 205 pounds, and at a height of six feet tall. Coming from Mexico City, Mexico, it is El Genio Verdeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The arena goes dark until the music hits, followed my green mood lighting. Verde makes his way down the ramp while adjusting his mask. He slides into the ring and climbs to the second turnbuckle while yelling Evil. He removes his cape and backflips off. Though unlike the fellow green caped masked man, Verde simply points at the Titantron, which fades away from Verde's titantron which goes black. Then Giant red numbers appear on the screen blinking 10:00

Blade: Well, that’s comforting.

Blade: Maybe he just needs the timer because has something cooking in the oven.

Blade: Yeah, he’s cooking evil. With a dash of cruelty and a pinch of corruption. With a recipe taken from a cookbook of injustice. Served alongside sautéed onions of doom.

Blade: That analogy really got away from you at the end there, huh?

Haven does not even wait for the bell that signify's the start of the match, he grabs Verde by the collar of his tight green shirt and shoves him into the corner. Quickly interrogating the villain about the timer on the large screen. To which, Verde laughs manically. Once the bell starts, he points to the timer, which begins to count down by the second. Both Haven and the referee distracted by the clock for a moment, Verde hits Haven with a sneaky low blow.

Blade: Well, that wasn’t very nice.

Blade: Yet the doomsday timer doesn’t bother you?

Blade: Mass homicide is far more acceptable than hitting a guy in the balls.

Haven doubles over in sheer pain, to which Verde takes full advantage of this by pulling Haven's head towards him and quickly climbs up to the top rope to land a quick, but effective tornado DDT! The ref oblivious to the previous low blow starts the count 1....2.... kick out at 2!

Haven snaps up quickly ready to take control of the match he leaps up to snap off a kick to the head of Verde, who with full control of the match dodges the kick, but also grabbing Haven's leg he spins a whole 360 degrees before tossing Haven clear out of the ring! Sending the hero straight into the crowd barrier outside, destroying the barricade.

Blade:,Damn, why does every single superhero end up destroying expensive public property!?

Blade: Yeah, when you think about it, superheroes are really incompetent.

Verde, who standing out the outside begins to tap the temple to his head, mocking the death defying Haven who manages to stand on his own two feet after the throw. Verde, grabs hold of the ropes and launches himself in a spinning Plancha to the outside, spinning quickly to his target. Though with one final rotation, Verde's face meets the heels of Haven's boots who kicked him with all his might in a drop kick!

The kick stunned Verde, who hit the ground around the ring like a dead weight. Haven now takes the offensive, who manages to leap from the ground to the top rope in one bound, executing a perfect Lion-sault that hits Geno Verde with authority! The crowd cheers loudly as Haven pops to his feet after the amazing feet. Though Haven was not done yet, moving to grab part of what used to be the barricade wall he lifts a piece over his head to beat down Verde who defends himself by pulling off the padding and wrapping himself in it. But Haven outsmarts his opponent this time, hitting a Spinning Wheel kick, which sends Verde to the ground, with his arms constricted by the padding he wrapped himself in.

Haven picks up his opponent, padding and everything, and rolls him into the ring. He goes for a cover, 1…. 2…. Verde kicks out! The referee pulls the padding of Verde and throws it outside as Haven climbs to the top rope. Haven looks at the Titantron, with the timer at 5 minutes. Haven leaps off, going for the Final Flash! But El Genio Verde rolls out of the way, causing Haven to crash and burn!

Blade: Huh. Shame Haven doesn’t have the power of flight.

Verde pulls himself up the ropes, nodding at his own brilliance. He goes straight for Haven’s head, and decides to lock in the Brain Drain! Haven’s arms flail a bit, as he tries to find a rope, but to no avail. Haven begins to fade, his arms beginning to go limp. The crowd tries to egg on the superhero, clapping, stomping, making whatever noise they have. And it seems to work, as Haven clenches his fists, and manages to tip Verde onto his shoulders! 1…. 2…. Kick out by Verde. Verde also has no choice but to let go of the submission to kick out of the roll-up. Both men begin to get up and Verde charges at his opponent, but Haven sends him over the top rope onto the apron. Haven throws a right hand, but Verde blocks, grabs Haven’s head and jumps off the apron, bouncing the hero’s neck off the top rope!

With Haven inside the ring, clutching at his throat, Verde takes his time as the times goes under the three minute mark. Verde gets onto the apron and climbs to the top rope, waiting for Haven to get up. As Haven gets to a vertical base, Verde goes for the Green Missile but he’s caught with the dropkick in midair!

Blade: This is Haven’s chance to finish off El Genio Verde and stop that timer!

Blade: Why are we assuming that Verde will give up the timer if he’s beaten? Surely losing would just piss him off more.

Blade: Are you really trying to apply logic to this show?

Blade: …Point taken.

Haven crawls over for a cover, 1… 2… Kick out by Verde! Haven looks up to see the timer at two minutes. He kneels over Verde, grabs him by the mask to hold his head up before shouting at him to stop the timer. The referee tries to pull Haven off his opponent, with Verde sneaking in a poke to the eye as it happens, which the ref doesn’t see. Haven stumbles to the corner, partially blinded as Verde gets up. Verde homes in on Haven and goes to finish him off. Verde hits two kicks to the back of Haven’s leg, followed by one to the stomach. With Haven doubled over, Verde back rolls over him, and goes up to the top rope! He stands up straight before leaping off for the Discordia, but Haven reverses it into a Powerbomb!

Both men are down on the mat, but Haven is crawling towards his opponent and drapes an arm across the villain’s chest, 1…. 2…. Verde kicks out! Haven is frustrated that he can’t put his opponent away. He looks up and sees 30 seconds left. Haven panics and sits Verde up before trying to put on a Full Nelson, but Verde is fighting it off. Finally, after a stiff knee to Verde’s spine, Haven manages to lock in the full Nelson. 10 seconds left…With the submission really cinched in, Haven shouts at Verde for him to stop the timer, but Verde refuses. 5 seconds…. Haven swings Verde from side to side…. 3… 2… 1… 0:00.

Blade: Uh-oh Spaghetti-O’s!

The Earth begins to shake as Haven gets to his feet. The crowd is pandemonium, with some trying to push their way to the exit, while others begin to get naked and have sex. The Colisseum begins to crumble and then suddenly collapses. Somehow though, the stands, set and ring still manage to remain standing. The crowd are confused for a moment but then begin to applaud politely. Verde looks annoyed that everyone remains virtually unharmed. He rolls out of the ring and runs away shaking his head as Haven shrugs before beginning to pose for the audience.

Saboteur: Uhm, I supposed this match has officially ended in a draw.

Blade: Wow, what an ending! Well ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us for WZCW All-Stars 3! Normal WZCW service will resume in two weeks time!

Blade: Wait, wait, hold on, does no one care that a 1,500 year old iconic building was just destroyed…?

Blade: It’s an old, decrepit piece of stone. Who cares?

Blade: What!? I don't even... What!?

Blade: From myself and Blade, goodnight everybody!

Blade: Dude, seriously, we just destroyed the most famous landmark in the world! We're going to get sued by the whole country of Italy! We--

The feed ends and the WZCW logo flashes across the screen.

 

[Richard Blonoff]

Credits

Yaz: Opening, Pinkie vs Tiffany, DDR Match, segments
Blade: Segments, Main event, inspiration for mom jokes
JGlass: Opening, segments, Cooper vs. Reynolds
Kermit: Coffee Cup Match and segments
Thriller: Tag Team Match and voting
Dynamite: Fatal Four Way and voting
Pancake: Part of main event and voting
Infinity: Voting

Hope you guys enjoy it. We hit a lot of road blocks with All-Stars this year, but it was a pleasure to work on. Rep all of these fine gentlemen(except Kermit) for the work they put it. Look for the boards to go up in the next few days as we resume our normal schedule.