We open to Leon Kensworth in a suit with a Christmas themed tie holding a mic. He's looking just beyond the camera with a smile on his face. Behind him is a Santa's Workshop themed stage, complete with a giant chair, trees with lights and decorations, and a line of kids all grinning with anticipation. Leon opens his mouth to talk.
Leon: It looks great on you. I'm kind of jealous that...
Voice: Shut it, Kensworth. If you like it so much, you should be dressed up like this.
The camera pulls back some as Johnny Klamor steps into view, dressed up like Santa Claus. His suit is a little lumpy from stuffing that obviously fills it out. His fake beard is pulled down underneath his chin. He does not look like he is sharing in the spirit of the holidays.
Klamor: I can not believe the office had the audacity to give this assignment to me. I'm a respected journalist, damnit.
The kids all seem to notice Santa Claus is not in a great mood and their smiles turn into worried stares for a moment.
Leon: Look, these kids are here to see Santa Claus and to give him their Christmas wishes for WZCW. Why can't you just get into the spirit for this, just for a little bit?
Leon goes to adjust the beard on Klamor's face. Klamor, however, slaps Leon's hands away and fixes it himself.
Klamor: What's next, huh? Easter Bunny Klamor? Cupid Klamor? I can't believe that I'm...
Klamor looks to the children and then spreads his arms wide. He begins to talk in a deep and jolly voice...well, as jolly as he can muster anyway.
Klamor: HO HO HO! Oh, boys and girls, Santa is here! Ready to hear your wishes!
The kids get excited again and staring yelling out and cheering. Klamor swipes the mic out of Leon's hand and goes to take a seat upon Santa's throne. The camera comes forward as the first child takes his seat upon Klamor's lap.
Klamor: Ho ho ho, ah well, what's your name little child?
Child 1: Aren't you supposed to know that Santa?
Klamor shoots Leon an annoyed look. Leon is smiling though, and merely waves him off with his hands to get him to continue.
Klamor: Well...you see...I guess it's not important. Anyway...
The child looks a little dejected for a moment, but soon forgets about it.
Klamor: It's the holiday season here at WZCW, and Santa wants to know what it is you're wishing for.
Child 1: Santa, I really really really really want to see Runn Reynolds Runn win the Tag Titles! They're really cool and I want to be cool like them and I want to see them win, so please Santa, that's what I want.
Klamor drops the Santa voice.
Klamor: Reynolds and Runn? Those two clowns couldn't find their way out of a paper bag. Reynolds just couldn't cut it as a singles player and went and found a bigger idiot than himself to make a team with. Why would you ever want them to...
Klamor notices that Leon is starting at him with a disappointed look on his face. Klamor looks from him back to the child, who's face is a mess of heartbreak. He picks up the Santa voice again.
Klamor: I mean...erm...ho ho ho! I'll...uh...see what I can do, ok little boy? Runn Reynolds Runn versus Mind Over Matter for the Tag Team titles, this Sunday at All or Nothing.
Klamor looks to the camera.
Klamor: This Sunday on Pay-Per-View! Don't miss it!
He looks back to the line of children as he casually pushes the child off of his lap. Leon takes the kid and gives him a shirt and a candy cane as he leads him away.
Klamor: All right, who's next?
Another small boy climbs up upon Klamor's lap. He's a bit more subdued than the previous child.
Klamor: Hey there, little fella. What's got you down? What can Santa do to make you cheer up for the holidays?
Child 2: Well, Santa...those Apostles of Chaos...they're always ruining things. They don't play by the rules, and...and...well, they're just bullies. And it makes me sad to see when people are like that. So, what I want is Action Saxton, Dr. Kurtesy, and that super cool ninja Saboteur to teach them a lesson.
The kid starts looking a little more excited now. Klamor, however, isn't as enthused.
Klamor: What is it with you kids? You have the most pedestrian tastes in WZCW perfomers. Saxton? Kurtesy? Saboteur? The Apostles are bullies? What planet are you from? Ty's followers are working to make Ty's even more relevant than he's ever been before, and when...
Klamor looks up to Leon, who is making a slicing hand sign in front of his throat. Klamor looks down at the kid, who is now looking rather depressed. He looks back up to Leon, who is now rolling his hands in effort to get him to continue with the Santa charade.
Klamor: Well, what matters is that they'll have their chance to show those...bullies...what it is they are truly made of at All or Nothing.
The child leaps off of Klamor's lap rather quickly. He doesn't seem lifted by Klamor's words. Leon is facepalming while the next child, a little girl, runs up to Klamor before he has a chance to turn around.
Klamor: Oh, well, hello there little...
Child 3: Santa, are you real? Are the elves real? Are the reindeer real? How do they fly? How do you fit your fat butt down a chimney anyway? Where do presents come from? Do the elves make the presents? Do you like cookies? Why don't you shave? Why...
Klamor puts his hand over the child's mouth.
Klamor: Oh ho ho, there little one. You're gonna drive Santa crazy if you keep on like that. Tell Santa now...what is your WZCW Christmas wish, eh?
He slowly removes his hand from the girl's mouth. In contrast to her previous rapid fire delivery of questions, this time she speaks slowly and carefully.
Child 3: Santa, what I really really really really want to see this year is a new World Heavyweight Champion.
Klamor: But child, we already have one of those? Didn't you see when Barbosa cashed in his King for a Day contract and beat the bejeezus out of Big Dave?
Child 3: Yes, Santa, but that's not what I want. I'm tired of seeing the bad guys at the top. I'm tired of seeing the mean, terrible ones be the ones who win. I want to see someone new win. I want to see someone exciting win. Someone who loves all of us watching at home and goes out to show it each and every week.
Klamor: So...you want Titus to win the championship?
The child giggles.
Child 3: No, silly Santa. I want The Dirty One, Gordito, to be the new WZCW World Heavyweight Champion...
The child barely finishes the word "Champion" before Klamor almost shoves her off of his lap. Leon panics and goes to retrieve the child before Klamor hurts her. He takes her aside and comforts her with gifts while Klamor barks at her from Santa's throne.
Klamor: Gordito? What the hell kind of example is that?! Where the hell does he get off appealing to small children? What the hell is wrong with this world? Titus I would have accepted. Big Dave I would accepted. But that fat worthless slob? There must be something wrong with your parents, child. I have half a mind to call protective services if that's the kind of hero they'll let you have. You must be out of your mind. That man...that pig is a stain on this promotion, and I will not rest until I see him tossed out on his ass and exposed as the fraud that he really is. He's a fake! A phoney! A shill! He's...he's...
Voice: NEXT IN LINE! WEEE!
Klamor hardly has time to turn to see who said this when Gordito comes out of nowhere, running up to and jumping on to his lap. The chair underneath Klamor gives out and collapses. The rest of the kids in line are all laughing quite hysterically. Before Klamor can move, Gordito has wrapped his arm around his head and holds him quite tightly. Klamor is clearly uncomfortable, but can't escape his predicament. Gordito pics up the mic where it has fallen beside them.
Gordito: Oh, Santa, would you like to know what I want for Christmas?
Klamor: ...get...off...of...me...
Gordito: I would like a new paint job for the party van. And a new amp. Maybe some new hats. I could always use some more socks, too. They make great stocking stuffers. Let's see...
Klamor: ...i mean it...you big oaf...get off of...
Gordito: And I'd like to get things for other people, you know? It's the season of giving, the season of sharing, and I'd hate to keep this all to myself. So, I'd like to get Ty Burna a smile this year. And I'd like to get Runn and Reynolds some fancy matching pants, possibly in leather. And I'd like to get my good chum Kurtesy some nice vintage wine to share with his assistant. And I'd like to get Saboteur a new blade. I want to give Sean Cruz a nice new heavy cast iron skillet...maybe he'll even use it in his match this Sunday, just to show me how much he loves it. And S.H.I.T., can't forget that guy. I want to get him some plug in Christmas lights. Think he'd like that?
Klamor: ...i...don't...care...
Leon has returned now and can only stand by and watch, vainly trying to suppress his laughter.
Gordito: What else...hmm...a book of proper etiquette and manners for Constantine, a sense of relevance for Stephen Holmes, the finest bag of Colombian Sugar for my homie Toyota resting up at home. Am I forgetting anything?
Klamor: ...that...I'm asking you...to...get off...of me...
Gordito: Oh, right, well, there is ONE other thing I want Santa. One special thing for The Dirty One. You see, this year has been up and down for me. I've smiled and I've frowned. But I've taken it all as best I can and I refused to ever letting something stop me from achieving my dreams. And so here I am, on the eve of my return to All or Nothing. And this time, instead of just one, I have three opponents standing between me and that ultimate prize, the WZCW World Heavyweight Championship. I've come close to it before, but this time it would extra super duper special if I could make that last big leap from being a hero to being a legend.
Klamor: ...over...my...dead...body...
Gordito: Don't talk like that, Johnny, there are kids around. Anyway, I've certainly got an all star cast of opponents, don't I? I mean, I'd be the only one there never to have held a belt before, wouldn't I? Big Dave? There's a big name. He's not dead yet, even if Barbosa was able to take advantage of him. I know the things Dave can do, the ways he can just steal a victory right out of your mouth. And Titus! Oh my lord, Titus. He was a legend before I got here. I remember my first night, when he debuted the belt as we know it. I've seen him go through hell and back and still stand tall. And what a guy on top of all of that! I mean, just one of the nicest, friendliest, and awesome guys you could ever hope to work with. I'm not going to catch either of these guys napping. And then Barbosa, the champ himself. Of all the guys I've feuded with around here, of all the dance partners I've had, Barbosa is up there when it comes to a true rival. He's also up there when it comes to being straight up 100% loco.
Klamor: ...he's...still...going to...crush you...
Gordito: Well, that's just, like, your opinion baby. He might. But I have other things in mind. I respect all of my opponents, Johnny, and I've even been friendly with a few of them. But they and I know that come Sunday, all bets are off. Come All or Nothing, I'll be the only one out there that isn't a former or current World Heavyweight Champion, and the taste of it...the desire for it...will be burning that much brighter within me because of it. I just want it that much more. I will do what I have to...I will take whatever beating is necessary...and I'll stand tall through all of it if it's means me walking out of All or Nothing as the new World Heavyweight Champion. I've fought so very hard since coming back to get here, and I've saved the best of me for last. I'm just honored that I get to share this moment with not just one but three other top tier competitors.
Klamor: ...fine...fine...now would...you please...
Gordito: Johnny, are you hurt? I'm sorry, baby. I would hate to think that I make you feel uncomfortable.
Gordito stands up and yanks Klamor up by his collar. He dusts him off a bit before dusting himself off. The kids are still laughing, pointing at Klamor and his suit, which is now torn in a few places. Klamor can only stare at Gordito with rage in his eyes. Gordito smirks at him.
Gordito: Has anyone told you that you make a horrible Santa? Leon is probably better suited for it. Was this your silly idea?
Klamor: That's it! GET OUT OF HERE! GET LOST! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! I don't want to have to look at your smug stupid face any longer.
Gordito shrugs and leaves the way he came, high fiving the kids left in line as he does so. Their cheers grow louder as Klamor begins ripping off his suit and beard. Leon heads over to calm him down.
Klamor: I told them I didn't want to do this. This was the stupidest idea I've ever seen from them and...
Leon: Johnny, we still have kids to...
Klamor: Get away from me you dolt! I've had enough of this.
Klamor shoves Leon away. He goes to storm away, but he stumbles on some debris and falls into a Christmas tree. Decorations fall to the ground and break as he struggles to stand up again and gets caught up in light wires. The kids are all pointing and laughing as hard as they can.
Klamor: I! HATE! HIM! I HATE GORDITO! I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE....