Ricky:"Fat boys, fat boys, what'cha gonna do, what'cha gonna do when swag comes for you! bom boop bewp bewp bewp bow wow wow we we we we!"
Ricky is found in his car driving along a long stretch of highway. His once disgusting looking sedan has been replaced with a large Escalade. Of course blasting from Ricky's stereo was the theme song to Cops, Bad Boys. However what was the most absurd sight in the car, was the inflatable sumo wrestler halloween costume Ricky was wearing while he drove. While the Swagalicious was always on the up and up when it came to all things style and totally pimp ass shiz-nit, there was a rhyme and reason for Ricky's rather unusual costume.
Ricky was going undercover.
After the long drive, Ricky had parked his car into the handicapped spot for the "Love Handles Fat Camp" A special summer camp for obese men and women. Turning on the fan in the back of his costume, the cheap halloween costume started to inflate and soon enough Ricky resembled the many fat people that were waddling their way to the camp. One to stay in cover and blend in, Ricky began waddling himself. Breathing heavily with each step. Looking about with his shutter shade sunglasses Ricky spoke under his breath.
Ricky:"Haha, they suspect nothing. These fatties think I am one of them."
The looks from the obese men and women beg to say otherwise, but mind their own business seeing as they were all here with a common purpose of losing weight. Once inside, Ricky walked up to the front desk of the admissions office and spoke with a heavily monotone voice. Trying to do everything in his power to keep cover.
Ricky:"Hello my former fat associate. I, am here for multitude of reasons. I woke up one morning and decided that I didn't have enough Swag in my diet and needed to change my lifestyle. Another, I'm looking for a friend, and I have irrefutable proof that he is here."
The front desk clerk looked at Ricky, then at the rather poorly made halloween sumo costume. He took a moment to think over the nonsense that Ricky had just blew out of his mouth before answering.
Admissions:"Um, okay. Sure, well if you're here to get into shape then I suppose we can't turn you down. What's your name sir?"
Crap, I can't give them my name. I need to think of a fake name, fast!
Ricky thought to himself. Panicking he began to look around the admissions office. Hearing the sound of a chair creaking Ricky then voiced.
Ricky:"Rick--"
Then out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a few of the boys and girls running outside in sweatsuits and said aloud. Thinking he just struck gold.
Ricky:Runn. Yeah, Ricky Runn!... oh crap."
The admissions clerk, who was completely oblivious to the world of professional wrestling just wrote down the name and carried on his merry weigh. He looked back at our Hero of Swag and asked.
Admissions: "Well once you pay you'll be all set. Admission begins at $500 a month."
Ricky looked back shocked and then said with an exasperated gasp.
Ricky:"Shitttttttt you guys are gonna blow me afterwards for $500 a month? I cam to fat camp not wallet camp. Besides, who needs cash when you have swagggg."
After a few long seconds of shared awkward silence. Ricky digs into his fat suit and pulls out his wallet and grabbed his credit card and said quietly.
Ricky:"You take credit card?"
After paying, and putting the Holy Son of Swag into the system, Ricky then asked.
Ricky:"Well since I'm now a member of these great, sweaty, greasy hallowed halls, I need to ask. Have you guys seen a fat kid in here?"
Admissions:"You're gonna need to be a bit more specific than that here, sir."
Ricky:"Well you know, he's a fat guy, about six feet tall. Has a neck beard, has around zero and zelch in Swag, um... he's fat, has made a bunch of poor life decisions like leave his girlfriend, leave his best friend out of a team that ended up losing a big match because they didn't have enough swag, has no swag, and I'm pretty sure he has cheeto fingers or a chocolate stained on his face. Oh, and did I mention that he's fat?"
The admissions clerk looked at Ricky stoned walled with how baffled he was with how stupid the swag headed star was. Out of the stupidity coma he managed to utter.
Admissions: "Uhh, how about a name instead?"
Ricky's face crooked to the side while a hand went up to his chin. Scratching it as he took a long time to think.
Ricky:"Hm, this guy is pretty ashamed of his super obesity and his lack of swag, so I think he would use a fake name to hide his trail.... how about, Fatty Stormrage?"
The Admissions clerk began to search the system for the name, deciding to humor the superstar.
Admissions:"Nope"
Ricky:"How about Mikey Stormfat?"
Admissions:"Nope."
Ricky:"Fatty Fatrage?"
Admissions:"Not here."
Ricky:"Ricky Runn?"
Admissions:"That's your name sir."
Ricky:"Oh right, I knew that. I was testing you. Hmm, how about Fatty Swagrage?"
Admissions:"You're holding up the line sir. Can you leave."
Ricky:"Whatever, this line is mad cause I'm stylin' on it. Later gator."
With an extra bit of waddle, Ricky walked right past the long line of sweating and overweight men and women who wanted to attend the fat camp. Once inside a log cabin, Ricky pulled out a note book and began writing.
Dear, Miley Cyrus
Day one: In search of my former best friend, I achieved perfect undercover in a fat camp where I believe my friend is hiding from the world. Managing to blend in with them is difficult, but I believe with my super sharp instincts, and my awesome amount of swag I am able to conquer them and become king of the fatties.
The fat ones are disgusting, but I'm sure you know this. Seeing as you are drop dead sexy and dayum, you know how to twerk. Anyway, my friend Mikey betrayed me, not only did he betray me, but he betrayed himself. What happened at Kingdom Come was his own fault. They had a choice you see. To be, or not to be... with swag, and they choice to be without it. They decided to leave me out of their fun club, and they decided I wasn't good enough to be at Kingdom Come. Now that they lost, they want to blame it on my shortcomings? Hello, earth to fatty. I am better than you. I have swag, shit, I have swag by the dozen while you have Dunkin Donuts by the dozen. Now that you lost, you wanna hide away from your friends, hide from swag? You think that's fair for James after I wiped the floor with him on Ascension? You think that is fair to Momma Stormrage to hide your face that only she can love? You think it was fair to take away my trip to Kingdom Come? You know how I got to Kingdom Come? I had to bang Mama Paradyse for her tickets, now it burns when I pee.
Anyway, a lot of people are doubting me like they always do, but I'm sure you know exactly what I am talking about, sweet cheeks. Though there is some truth to it, I have never been able to beat Mikey in the wrestling ring. Which is weird. Because I dominate him in everywhere else. On the video games, I pwn him so hard Momma Stormrage's uterus felt it. In the lady department, well I have the most popular woman in the world, right swag momma? Speaking of Swag, have you seen that mask he was wearing? It looks like someone took a basketball and threw it into a garbage disposal.
I may not have beaten him, but I have done something that he has never been able to do. (Other than being able to be on top with a woman of course. L O L) That was beating his friend, and I quite possibly think his secret lover, James IhaveabigattitudeandcrybabyproblemsbecauseofmylackofSwag Howard. Hell, I did the impossible and ended his singles match undefeated streak. I took out half of Strikeforce in Singles competition, and now I'm coming after Fatty FatFat. This time, instead of running him over with a car, I'm gonna run him over with the Swag express, and honey, the swag express stops for no one.
Anyway, I digress my swagtastic bombshell. I'm gonna find Mikey Stormrage, and I'm gonna show him that he needs to be enlightened with Swag if he ever wants to get over being a complete and utter failure at Kingdom Come.
Hugs and Kisses,
Ricky.
P.S: If this is Miley's lawyer reading this, for the last time, I am not gonna stop sending letters until she tweets me back.
After finishing the letter. Ricky tucked the poorly written letter into his back pocket and began to waddle off to the field to meet with the rest of the fat people. However on the way out his costume got caught by a door hook, which caused the cheesy costume to generate a loud "POP" bringing the attention of everyone in the camp. Ricky, now with egg on his face and now seeing everyone looking through his disguise Ricky said loudly and proclaimed
Ricky:"Oh you think this is funny don't yeah? Watching a man struggle with too much swag is funny to you? How would you feel if you had to carry around this large burden on your shoulders week in, and week out? To wake up everyday accidentally leaving your swag on, and having bitches all over you. It. Is. Not. Easy! I hate it the way you fatties look at me, with these jealous looks and going all "Oh look at his abs. I wish I didn't stuff my face with chocolate cake like Mikey Stormrage does" I wanna eat chocolate cake, but I can't! Because I need to keep a diet of straight Swag to keep this sexy, hunk of a frame. You know, I'm actually trying to do the right thing, being here at this fatty, fat camp. The whole world is crying for some fatty loser. James couldn't find him and looked what happened, I out swagged him and beat him clean, but everyone is saying I didn't win clean. I want to beat Mikey easy peasy lemon squeezy, and I don't want you haters to doubt me when I give Mikey an ab workout he won't forget."
Sure enough, a security guard came up to grab Ricky and throw him out. Being prepared this time, Ricky dug into his pocket and threw sand into the eyes of the guard shouting.
Ricky:"YOLO!"
Ricky then ran off to his car to make a grand escape, but when he tried backing out of his parking spot, his car was stopped with the massive boot that was strapped to his rear tire. With a pound of his steering wheel he grumbled.
Ricky:"Oh hamburgers."
