In the spirit of the "which 5 guys would you fire" threads that pop up every month, here are my top five moments from the 2012 Summer Olympics, now that they are in the history books. Plus a couple of honorable mentions. Share yours!
(NBC is very, very picky about embedding, and I've done what I can about providing links. You can peruse nbcolympics.com to find most of the events I discuss here, a quick search will pop up most results.)
5) Boxing realizes just how rigged it really is.
It's a dismal way to start off a top 5 list, but it has a big silver lining. The most exaggerated example is in the link above. A fighter from Azerbaijan- a country implicated last year in a "money for gold" scandal- is absolutely pasted during the third round of his fight. For those of you, fortunately, unfamiliar with Olympic boxing, they are typically incredibly boring affairs where fighters focus on making contact, rather than landing hard shots. Knockdowns are freakishly rare. The Azerbaijani fighter was knocked down six times during the third round. The referee commanded him to get up instead of counting towards a knock-out. Even UFC fights are stopped long, long before a fighter reaches the condition this boxer from Azerbaijan was in. At the end of the match, the referee quickly raises the Azerbaijani fighter's hand, then runs out of the ring. The fix could not have been more obviously in.
This was far from the only example of match fixing during boxing this year. It was just the most blatantly obvious. Azerbaijan didn't get their golds, but they did get two bronzes, both of them questionable even without the "money for gold" scandal. So where's the bright side? In 2016 AIBA will move to the "10-point system". This doesn't fix all of the flaws with boxing judges; decisions will still be left in the same hands that rigged these Olympics. However, it will be a lot harder for judges to justify giving out 10 point rounds to fighters who spend the fight on the ground, rather than claiming fluke luck of the punch-recognition system.
4) Murray beats Federer at Wimbeldon.
Andy Murray might have the misfortune of never being known as a great tennis player, because he's happened to play in the same era as two of the most dominating men to ever play the sport, Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer. Whenever he faces one of the two, he just can't seem to capture the big one. In his home country, in tennis's most famous location, on perhaps the biggest stage he'll ever be on, he finally did it in spectacular fashion. Federer was never in this match, losing in straight sets. Straight sets that weren't even close.
3) Russia's gold medal synchronized swimming routine.
Synchronized swimming probably isn't the sport that's going to interest everyone on a professional wrestling message board, but HOLY FREAKIN' GOD, this is athleticism honed to a brutally keen edge. It's like watching the Agent Smith x100 battle in the second Matrix movie, except in the water. If you watch the video, turn off the announcers- they make it sound like too much of a technical sport, when this is just something incredible to watch. You know it's crazy difficult without having to have someone tell you in which ways it is.
2a) The Ecstasy of Victory......
The control over their bodies that gymnasts possess has always amazed me. (The next time you think about ripping on a male gymnast, try to hold yourself up straight-armed on the iron rings for just five seconds. They are stronger then you will ever dream of being.) And here's a girl, McKayla Maroney, who doesn't even have her driver's license yet, who has such stunning and incredible control over her body. I have trouble getting out of bed some days without falling.
2b) ....and the Agony of Defeat.
Imagine this. For two years, everyone in the world says you are a lock for a gold medal. A mortal lock. Like betting on the Azerbaijanis in boxing, except without a payout. Every competition you enter, you leave your competitors so far behind that they don't consider defeating you; they think about how close they can come. Your first four vaults at the Olympics- the only event you've come for- are stupefyingly flawless. You are on the cusp of the dream you have been all but promised since hitting puberty. And then, at the very last moment- thump. You fall. There are no second chances in women's gymnastics. By the time the next Olympics rolls around, your body is no longer capable of doing what it used to be. In the course of less than two seconds, your dream has come to a sudden and unexpected end. At her age, I was mostly worried about trying to get laid. She's trying to cope with failure at the one attempt she'll ever have for individual Olympic glory. Talk about a gutwrencher.
1) James Bond and the Queen.
Is it a sports moment? No. I never said it had to be. But it was the best way to set off a celebration, which is what these Olympics were. Beijing's Opening Ceremony was almost vaguely frightening- hordes of people, acting in unison, under the theme of "China's Rise". The Chinese were serious. This opening was distinctly British; the Queen taking Bond's traditional "turn and greet the camera" line, and the look in his eye where you can almost see Daniel Craig wondering how he stumbled into a moment in history like this, greeting the Queen of England while representing one of England's most famous fictional characters. (Him or Sherlock Holmes? That's an argument for another day.) If the Queen hadn't participated, it would have come off as horribly gauche. Instead, it comes off as charmingly... British, delightfully campy, formal while not taking itself too seriously. Rio doesn't stand a chance of hosting a better Opening Ceremony.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Galen Rupp silvers in the Men's 10k. America hasn't been known for distance running in a LONG time. If we have someone who medals in an event, they're typically an immigrant from an East African country. So it was somewhat refreshing to watch Galen Rupp, a graduate of perhaps the most famed running school in the country, Oregon, outkick some of the fastest kickers in distance running during the last lap to take silver. I was eating in a restaurant at the time- the place absolutely erupted in cheers, something I never thought I'd ever hear outside of a college track for a 10k race.
Michael Phelps. We know the story by now. We've seen the Wheaties box. What a career. Smoke all the bong you want to now, Mike. You've earned it.
USA Basketball. If we don't win in absolutely destructive fashion, it's an embarrassment. The men kept from being embarrassed, and the women's team, also known as the UConn Husky All-Stars, never let anyone get close.
Manteo Mitchell breaks his leg in the 4x400. Balls. BRASS balls. No one would have blamed him had he pulled up. He broke his fucking leg. But he spent twenty seconds sprinting at top speed on a broken leg. The only thing that kept this out of my top 5 was the fact that you can't even tell he broke it in a replay of the race. The next time you say you can't do anything because it's too difficult or painful, say to yourself, "Manteo Mitchell".
What were your favorite moments from the Olympics this year?
(NBC is very, very picky about embedding, and I've done what I can about providing links. You can peruse nbcolympics.com to find most of the events I discuss here, a quick search will pop up most results.)
5) Boxing realizes just how rigged it really is.
It's a dismal way to start off a top 5 list, but it has a big silver lining. The most exaggerated example is in the link above. A fighter from Azerbaijan- a country implicated last year in a "money for gold" scandal- is absolutely pasted during the third round of his fight. For those of you, fortunately, unfamiliar with Olympic boxing, they are typically incredibly boring affairs where fighters focus on making contact, rather than landing hard shots. Knockdowns are freakishly rare. The Azerbaijani fighter was knocked down six times during the third round. The referee commanded him to get up instead of counting towards a knock-out. Even UFC fights are stopped long, long before a fighter reaches the condition this boxer from Azerbaijan was in. At the end of the match, the referee quickly raises the Azerbaijani fighter's hand, then runs out of the ring. The fix could not have been more obviously in.
This was far from the only example of match fixing during boxing this year. It was just the most blatantly obvious. Azerbaijan didn't get their golds, but they did get two bronzes, both of them questionable even without the "money for gold" scandal. So where's the bright side? In 2016 AIBA will move to the "10-point system". This doesn't fix all of the flaws with boxing judges; decisions will still be left in the same hands that rigged these Olympics. However, it will be a lot harder for judges to justify giving out 10 point rounds to fighters who spend the fight on the ground, rather than claiming fluke luck of the punch-recognition system.
4) Murray beats Federer at Wimbeldon.
Andy Murray might have the misfortune of never being known as a great tennis player, because he's happened to play in the same era as two of the most dominating men to ever play the sport, Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer. Whenever he faces one of the two, he just can't seem to capture the big one. In his home country, in tennis's most famous location, on perhaps the biggest stage he'll ever be on, he finally did it in spectacular fashion. Federer was never in this match, losing in straight sets. Straight sets that weren't even close.
3) Russia's gold medal synchronized swimming routine.
Synchronized swimming probably isn't the sport that's going to interest everyone on a professional wrestling message board, but HOLY FREAKIN' GOD, this is athleticism honed to a brutally keen edge. It's like watching the Agent Smith x100 battle in the second Matrix movie, except in the water. If you watch the video, turn off the announcers- they make it sound like too much of a technical sport, when this is just something incredible to watch. You know it's crazy difficult without having to have someone tell you in which ways it is.
2a) The Ecstasy of Victory......
The control over their bodies that gymnasts possess has always amazed me. (The next time you think about ripping on a male gymnast, try to hold yourself up straight-armed on the iron rings for just five seconds. They are stronger then you will ever dream of being.) And here's a girl, McKayla Maroney, who doesn't even have her driver's license yet, who has such stunning and incredible control over her body. I have trouble getting out of bed some days without falling.
2b) ....and the Agony of Defeat.
Imagine this. For two years, everyone in the world says you are a lock for a gold medal. A mortal lock. Like betting on the Azerbaijanis in boxing, except without a payout. Every competition you enter, you leave your competitors so far behind that they don't consider defeating you; they think about how close they can come. Your first four vaults at the Olympics- the only event you've come for- are stupefyingly flawless. You are on the cusp of the dream you have been all but promised since hitting puberty. And then, at the very last moment- thump. You fall. There are no second chances in women's gymnastics. By the time the next Olympics rolls around, your body is no longer capable of doing what it used to be. In the course of less than two seconds, your dream has come to a sudden and unexpected end. At her age, I was mostly worried about trying to get laid. She's trying to cope with failure at the one attempt she'll ever have for individual Olympic glory. Talk about a gutwrencher.
1) James Bond and the Queen.
Is it a sports moment? No. I never said it had to be. But it was the best way to set off a celebration, which is what these Olympics were. Beijing's Opening Ceremony was almost vaguely frightening- hordes of people, acting in unison, under the theme of "China's Rise". The Chinese were serious. This opening was distinctly British; the Queen taking Bond's traditional "turn and greet the camera" line, and the look in his eye where you can almost see Daniel Craig wondering how he stumbled into a moment in history like this, greeting the Queen of England while representing one of England's most famous fictional characters. (Him or Sherlock Holmes? That's an argument for another day.) If the Queen hadn't participated, it would have come off as horribly gauche. Instead, it comes off as charmingly... British, delightfully campy, formal while not taking itself too seriously. Rio doesn't stand a chance of hosting a better Opening Ceremony.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Galen Rupp silvers in the Men's 10k. America hasn't been known for distance running in a LONG time. If we have someone who medals in an event, they're typically an immigrant from an East African country. So it was somewhat refreshing to watch Galen Rupp, a graduate of perhaps the most famed running school in the country, Oregon, outkick some of the fastest kickers in distance running during the last lap to take silver. I was eating in a restaurant at the time- the place absolutely erupted in cheers, something I never thought I'd ever hear outside of a college track for a 10k race.
Michael Phelps. We know the story by now. We've seen the Wheaties box. What a career. Smoke all the bong you want to now, Mike. You've earned it.
USA Basketball. If we don't win in absolutely destructive fashion, it's an embarrassment. The men kept from being embarrassed, and the women's team, also known as the UConn Husky All-Stars, never let anyone get close.
Manteo Mitchell breaks his leg in the 4x400. Balls. BRASS balls. No one would have blamed him had he pulled up. He broke his fucking leg. But he spent twenty seconds sprinting at top speed on a broken leg. The only thing that kept this out of my top 5 was the fact that you can't even tell he broke it in a replay of the race. The next time you say you can't do anything because it's too difficult or painful, say to yourself, "Manteo Mitchell".
What were your favorite moments from the Olympics this year?
