Harrys: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!
Introducing first from Ise, Mie, Japan weighing 145 pounds, Kagura Ohzora!
As her music plays pink lights begin to swirl around the stage in a circular pattern, representing the petals of many cherry blossoms falling through the air. A fine mist appears on the stage. She walks down the ramp through the mist, and ascends the stairs, entering between the middle ropes. Afterwards she bows to the side of the hard camera, and awaits her opponent.
Copeland: The former World Champion will be looking to get back to that level with a win over a hot Xander here tonight.
Connor: Kagura is one of the veteran females on the roster, but she shows no signs of slowing down despite some less than stellar results since winning the World Title following her Queen For A Day cash-in.
Cohen: Xander will be no slouch. Since reinventing himself, he is as focused as ever on his goal of winning the World Title, a title Kagura only held for one week mind you.
And his opponent, from Phoenix, Arizona, weighing 210 pounds, this
is
Xander!
As the drum beat kicks in, Xander slowly walks out onto the stage. All lights are down except one spotlight that follows him down the ramp. He walks down, smiling at the audience who mercilessly boo him. He reaches the foot of the ramp, before raising both hands, giving the audience both middle fingers. He then slides into the ring, mounting the turnbuckle and staring out, smirking and holding his arms up, pointing to the sky.
Cohen: There is something about a man who the crowd hates, but wants to see more of. Xander is just that.
Connor: They want to see him get his ass kicked. That isn't the same as wanting to see him due to his ability.
Copeland: Regardless of the feelings of our great audience, Xander is undefeated his his transformation. Kagura will prove to be another stern test though.
Referee Keith Morse checks both competitors for foreign objects and then calls for the bell.
*DING! DING!*
Xander and Kagura slowly circle around each other as they visually size the other up. Kagura’s demeanor exudes a calm confidence, while Xander tries his best to seem just as calm and confident as his opponent, but it’s evident in his eyes that his mind is much more active than the priestess’. Xander reaches out with his hands, moving his fingers while hesitantly gauging the striking distance between he and his foe. He throws a jab with weak intentions, still studying Kagura’s movements as opposed to truly attacking. Growing tired of his caution, Kagura fires a lightning quick leg kick which stiffly thuds off the side of the Straight Edge Superstar’s thigh. The force is enough to knock him off balance and send him reeling back a few steps. He’s visibly surprised the 145lb woman was able to generate so much power from the kick, and nods his head confidently attempting to hide his astonishment.
Copeland: It seems Xander has underestimated the strength of Kagura.
Cohen: Impossible, Seabass! Xander is an excellent estimator.
Connor: Oh, please.
Xander puts his arms up, approaching Kagura for a traditional collar and elbow tie up. Kagura obliges and locks up with Xander in the tie up. Xander attempts to simply over power Kagura, but the Priestess lowers her position, leveraging her body to prevent this. A frustrated Xander sneaks a hand full of Kagura’s hair and yanks backward on it, giving him the unfair ability to back her up all the way into the corner. Xander yells directly in Kagura’s face, proud of finally obtaining a dominant position in the early goings of this match. The referee realizes that Xander is pulling on the hair, and administers a count, 1… 2… 4… of course Xander doesn’t let go until moments before the referee counts to 5. He backs up away from the corner with his hands innocently up in the air, acting as if he hasn’t the slightest idea as to what the referee is admonishing him about while smiling. Kagura refuses to get frustrated. Instead, she seems to have expected nothing better.
Copeland: Kagura doesn’t seem surprised by Xander’s underhanded tactics.
Cohen: You mean by his ingenious tactics?
Connor: No, I don’t think that’s what he meant.
Xander lifts his hand up in the air, challenging Kagura to the classic test of strength.
Copeland: Oh, come on.
Cohen: What? It’s an honorable challenge. Let’s see if Kagura is too much of a coward to accept.
Connor: This is hardly an act of bravery. Xander outweighs Kagura by more than 50 pounds!
Cohen: Xander the Brave!
Not one to back down from a challenge, Kagura accepts Xander’s test of strength challenge. She lifts her hand up to his and the two interlock their fingers. Xander then lifts up his other hand as Kagura cautiously mirrors him. Xander does not wait a millisecond a single millisecond after they interlock those fingers to kick Kagura right in the abdomen. The blow allows Xander to gain the immediate advantage in the test of strength as he mercilessly bends her fingers backwards at an unnatural angle. Xander yells down at Kagura as she is forced down to her knees in pain. He directs some of his diatribe towards the crowd who rain boos and jeers down upon him. Kagura fights through the pain by getting up off her knees while turning her body away from Xander while still keeping their fingers interlocked. The angle she turns acts as a perfect base to flip Xander over her and onto the canvas with an improvised judo throw. The Straight Edge Superstar is shocked to suddenly find himself flat on his back. He slaps the mat in frustration before popping right back up onto his feet and rushing towards Kagura. Calmly, the priestess uses Xander’s own momentum against him and sends him flipping over her and tumbling back down to the canvas with another perfectly executed judo throw. Xander bounces off the canvas and ends up on his hands and knees, more hurt than before and exponentially more frustrated. Kagura approaches him as he pounds both of his fists into the mat and gets up once again. Xander takes a wild swing at Kagura, who is able to see the strike from a mile away and dodges it easily. Xander takes swings another haymaker with his other hand which Kagura is able to avoid just as easily with simple head movement. She responds with a quick and calculated palm thrust directly into Xander’s throat. The strike freezes Xander’s wild attacks as he staggers backwards, wide eyed, clutching his throat while falling to a knee.
Copeland: What a beautiful throat thrust by Kagura.
Cohen: What a cheater!
Connor: I beg to differ. A clear example of precision over strength here.
Xander is on one knee coughing in between his gasps for air. Kagura takes this opportunity to swing her arm down across the back of Xander’s neck, connecting with a stiff chop that sends him fully down onto the canvas. She quickly runs towards the ropes, bounces back before leaping into the air to bring her knee crashing down onto the back of Xander’s head. Xander holds his head as he rolls around in agony, feeling the effects of a perfectly placed running knee drop. He crawls on his hands and knees towards the ropes and grabs onto them as Kagura approaches. Just as Kagura goes to grab Xander, he sticks his upper body out of the ring through the ropes while yelling at the referee for help. The ref enforces the rules and gets between him and Kagura, asking her to back up and let him back in away from the ropes. As Kagura listens to the referee, Xander grabs her by her outfit’s waistline with both hands and yanks her towards him while he drops to the mat. He sends Kagura through the ropes causing her to violently bounce off the apron before crashing down to the floor below.
Copeland: Another cheap trick by Xander to regain the upper hand.
Cohen: Xander is truly an artist in that ring, isn’t he guys!? The Artist Formerly Known as Triple X!
Connor: Artist? Con artist, perhaps.
Xander looks relieved as he ignores the referees continued admonishments. Instead, he implores the referee to begin counting the priestess out. The begrudgingly realizes there is still a job to do and obliges Xander’s demands.
1…2…Kagura begins to stir. 3...She places a hand on the apron to help her get to her feet. 4… Xander runs in the opposite direction…5…Kagura grabs the bottom rope with her other hand and begins pulling herself up as Xander bounces off the ropes on the other side…6…Just as Kagura tries to crawl into the ring head first, Xander meets her with a baseball slide. His feet blast Kagura right in the face and sends her shooting right back out of the ring and to the outside. The force of the impact was strong enough to send her back first into the guard wall. Xander gets to his feet and looks down at Kagura. He points down at her and looks out to the crowd, realizing she is in perfect position for something big. He runs off in the opposite direction once again while Kagura scratches her way up the guard wall to get bac onto her feet. The crowd rises to their own feet in anticipation as Xander bounces off the ropes and runs back, but instead of attempting a high-risk dive, he slides underneath the ropes and connects with a disrespectful slap that knocks the daylights out of Kagura. Her spit flies into the crowd as her legs give out and she falls to her knees. The crowd boos the Straight Edge Superstar, but he couldn’t care less. He stands there proud of himself basking in their displeasure.
Copeland: The crowd thought they were gonna see a flash from Xander’s Triple X past, but it was not to be.
Cohen: He’s a new man, Seabass! The old Triple X would have killed himself doing some flippity flop over the ropes… but not this man! Not Xander!
Connor: I must admit, as much as the crowd doesn’t seem too pleased by Xander’s new tactics, it seems to be working for him at the moment.
Kagura is down, but not out as she uses Xander’s own tights to pull herself back up. Xander allows her, only to plant her square in the jaw with a huge forearm. The big strike sends her head whiplashing backwards as she backs into the guard wall. The referee yells at Xander to get the action back in the ring or he’ll be forced to begin counting both of them out. Xander ignores the referee’s instructions, as he has all match, and grabs Kagura by the hair. He pulls her with him and slams her face first into the apron. She falls to a knee while clutching her face. Xander laughs at her pain as the referee begins to count.
1…Xander drags Kagura up by the arm, and this time yanks her violently, Irish whipping her directly into the steel steps back and shoulder first. The metallic sound echoes throughout the arena. 2…Kagura sits there motionless, leaned up against the steel steps. Xander smiles sadistically before running towards are and barreling into her with both knees like a cannonball. Her head and back bounce off the steps, sending another sickening sound reverberating throughout the arena. 3…Xander holds his knees in pain, feeling the effects of the move himself as well. 4…He yells towards the referee to stop counting as he rolls around the floor in pain. Of course, the referee doesn’t listen to Xander and continues counting both competitors out. 5…Xander grabs onto the apron and starts pulling himself up. Kagura is keeled over by the steps, motionless. 6…Xander is on his feet and rolls into the ring. He demands that the referee count faster, which only makes the referee count slower by distracting him. The crowd begins coming alive in hopes of seeing this match continue. 7…Xander grows incensed as he sees Kagura begin to move. She uses the steel steps that knocked her out to get back up to her feet as she is fueled by the crowd. Xander goes back to what worked before, and runs in the opposite direction. 8…Kagura approaches the apron and begins sliding in under the bottom rope as Xander bounces off the ropes on the other side. 9…Xander comes in with another baseball slide, but Kagura was ready for it this time, quickly moving back under the ropes while grabbing the sliding Xander and dragging him all the way to the outside with her, breaking the count!
Copeland: Kagura nearly got counted out, but Xander went back to the well once too often with that baseball slide and the priestess was ready for it this time!
Cohen: That was 10! The referee should have counted her out!
Connor: Xander was trying to keep her out, but instead ended up breaking the count instead! What a heads up move by Kagura to make sure he slid all the way out of the ring.
Xander is on his back as a result of baseball sliding clean out of the ring and is forcefully brought back up to his feet by Kagura, who does it with two fistfuls of hair and zero remorse for doing so. She seems fed up with Xander’s antics and emphatically cinches in a side waist lock. Kagura pops her hips and lifts Xander up into the air and quickly brings him crashing down on top of the steel steps with a Saito suplex!
Copeland: Saito suplex onto the steel steps! Incredible!
Cohen: Disqualify her, ref! Come on!
Connor: Kagura turns things around using the very steel steps that almost brought her demise!
Xander’s back bounces off the steel steps before he tumbles over the other side back down to the floor. The crowd seemingly winces in unison as the straight edge fighter holds his back in pain. The referee now finds himself admonishing Kagura as he orders her to get back in the ring. She looks over the steps towards, Xander, and refuses to get back in the ring without him. The referee has no choice but begin counting them both out once again.
1…Kagura walks around the steel steps. Xander sees her and gets to his hands and knees to attempt to crawl away from her. He us up against the front of the announce table and seemingly has no place to go. 2… He looks to the side and frantically crawls to the only space he can find, near the timekeeper’s area. 3… Xander reaches up onto the timekeepers table to grab something, but Kagura hits him from behind with a shuffle side kick. It sends Xander tumbling forward into the timekeeper’s table, knocking it and the timekeeper himself to the ground. 4…The referee tries to gain order between counting from the ring. Kagura grabs Xander by the hair and pulls him up onto his feet. 5… What she doesn’t see is that Xander is holding the ring bell in his arms! Kagura goes to roll Xander back into the ring, but he puts a foot up onto the apron, blocking the attempt. He turns around and lifts the ring bell high into the air!
Copeland: Xander hits Kagura with the ring bell!
Cohen: Yes!
Connor: No! Look!
The referee grabs a hold of the ring bell over Xander’s head before he can hit the unsuspecting Kagura with it! The ref yanks the ring bell away and admonishes Xander once again. Kagura looks on at the referee, shocked and glad that he stepped in as the ref walks off to the side to get rid of the ring bell. What neither Kagura nor the referee realize is that the ring bell was not the only thing that Xander grabbed from the timekeeper. Xander holds the timekeeper’s bell hammer up in the air with a sadistic smile before quickly realizing this is his opportunity with the referee’s back turned. He holds the hammer’s head with both hands and turns towards Kagura, connecting with the weapon right he jaw.
Copeland: What the!? What was that!? Did he have the hammer, too!?
Cohen: I told you! Xander is a genius!
Connor: I thought he only grabbed the ring bell, but it looks like that cheating bastard Xander had the wherewithal to grab the damn bell hammer as well. The ref saw the ring bell and grabbed it… but not the hammer. Dammit!
Cohen: Genius!
Kagura is out before her body even hits the floor. Xander looks at the hammer and laughs maniacally before noticing the referee making his way back. Not wanting to be caught red handed with the weapon, Xander quickly stuffs the hammer into his tights before lifting his empty hands towards the ref. Xander sees the curious look on the referee’s face and holds his fist up with a cocky smile, exalting the power of his punch. Xander grabs Kagura by the hair but struggles to lift her lifeless body up off the ground. He repositions himself in a wider stance and deadlifts Kagura’s body up off the floor and onto the apron before rolling her in.
Cohen: Xander wants to pin Kagura in the ring. What an honorable man!
Copeland: Oh please, he just hit her with a damn hammer!
Connor: This is sickening. Xander’s gonna steal this one.
Xander chooses to take the steps up instead of simply rolling in, arrogantly taking his time before entering the ring through the ropes. He gets down and proudly places his hands on Kagura’s shoulders for the pin. 1… 2… 3-no! The referee points to Kagura’s foot!
Copeland: Her foot is on the ropes! Her foot is on the ropes!
Cohen: Nooo!!
Connor: At the last possible second, Kagura somehow got her foot on the ropes! This match continues!
The crowd explodes! Xander can’t believe it. He gets to his feet and grabs the foot that saved Kagura from defeat. He yanks her away from the ropes all the way to the center of the ring. This time, he doesn’t use a nonchalant pin. Instead, Xander emphatically hooks the leg for the pin. 1… 2… Kagura gets a shoulder up! The crowd erupts once again! Xander is pulling his hair in frustration.
Copeland: Kagura lives!
Cohen: No! No! No!
Connor: Kagura is still in this match, and the crowd is loving it!
Xander suddenly realizes he still has the upper hand and tries to regain his composure. He gets to his knees and grabs Kagura by the hair. By now the referee’s admonishments are just background noise. Xander drags Kagura up to her feet and holds her in position before looking out to the crowd with an angry scowl. Afterthought! Xander plants Kagura with his Swinging STO DDT directly in the center of the ring. Xander hooks the leg emphatically once again… 1… 2… Kagura kicks out right before 3! The crowd comes unglued! Xander gets on his hands and knees and pounds the floor while yelling at Kagura. He grabs her by the hair with one hand and begins landing a flurry of punches with the other before getting to his feet and immediately cinching in a front face lock on Kagura, who is still on her knees. Xander pulls full guard and locks in the Fade Away right in the center of the ring.
Copeland: Xander has his patented guillotine choke locked in!
Cohen: It’s only a matter of time now!
Connor: Kagura’s too far away from the ropes. Such a shame, she fought so valiantly.
Xander tightens up his hold, yelling at the referee to declare him the winner. Before he does, the referee asks Kagura If she wants to give up. Kagura refuses to tap, however… angering Xander even more. He tightens his legs around Kagura’s body and cinches Fade Away even deeper. He feels Kagura’s body go limp but refuses to let go. The referee lifts Kagura’s arm up into the air once… it falls. Twice… it falls again. A third time… and it falls.
Cohen: Xander wins! Xander wins!
But it doesn’t hit the canvas!
Copeland: Kagura lives! Kagura lives!
Cohen: WHAT!?
Connor: I can’t believe it!
Kagura’s hand refuses to fall for a third time! Instead, she blindly reaches up and feels Xander’s enraged face. She lowers her hand and grips her fingers on a specific part of his neck. The hold produces yells of agony from Xander, as his eyes spell the shock he is feeling. He can’t understand how Kagura is causing him this much pain with just one hand!
Cohen: She’s using that damn voodoo again!
Connor: Kyushojitsu!
Copeland: The art of the pressure point fighting!
The pressure point hold is almost paralyzing Xander, he has no choice but to let go of the guillotine choke! Kagura lays there, face down on the canvas, motionless as she seemingly used the last bit of energy she had left to escape the Fade Away. Xander lies on the ground holding his neck while writhing in unbelievable pain. Slowly, the once paralyzing pain begins leaving his body. Xander gets to his knees and looks over towards the referee, yelling at him… questioning how the Fade Away didn’t bring the end of this contest. He gets to his feet and into the referee’s face for a moment while still holding his neck. He yells obscenities at the referee and goes as far as spitting in his face before turning his attention back towards Kagura who has made it onto her knees, with her face in her hands. Disgusted, the referee turns to wipe his face. Xander grabs her by the hair and begins dragging her to her feet, but Kagura suddenly lifts her head up on her own and spits red mist into Xander’s face!
Copeland: Red Mist!
Cohen: That’s gotta be a DQ!
Connor: The referee was too busy wiping off some spit on his own face, thanks to Xander!
Cohen: The evidence is on Xander’s face! Come on!
Copeland: Ref didn’t see it! Haha!
Xander barely has time to scream in a anguish before Kagura grabs him and rolls him up while awkwardly twisting him up in a pretzel! Kagura pins him out of nowhere with the Third Dance of Amenouzume no Mikoto victory roll!!! 1!! 2!! 3!-No!!! Xander kicked out! Xander kicked out a fraction of a second before the three count! He frantically gets up onto his feet and blindly staggers around the ring for a bit as Kagura groggily makes it to her feet as well. She is still feeling the effects of the steps, the hammer, and the Fade Away as she struggles to remain upright. She sees Xander has no idea where he is as he turns around right into her…
Fifth Dance of Amaterasu Omikami!!! Kagura connects with her two-fisted heart punch! Xander’s lifeless body falls to the canvas face up. Kagura’s body follows not a moment after, falling face down right beside him. Both competitors lay on the canvas motionless as the referee checks on them. Seeing neither of them respond, he begins the count.
1…2..
Copeland: Kagura may have used the last bit of energy she had left for the Fifth Dance.
Cohen: A double knock out? Xander should be declared the winner on points!
Connor: There are no points in wrestling!
3..4..Kagura begins to stir. 5…She starts crawling…6…7…She lifts her arm up before collapsing back down to the canvas, barely able to drape it over Xander’s body! The referee counts the pin!! 1!! 2!! Xander gets his shoulder up!!
Cohen: Xander lives! Xander lives!
Connor: Incredible!
Copeland: They both just refuse to lose this match!
Kagura is too beaten down to be in shock. Instead, she gets to her knees and grabs a hold of Xander’s hair. She lifts Xander up to a seated position, and then somehow makes it up onto her feet. She musters up enough strength to drag Xander up to his own feet by his hair, and waists little time grabbing him by the wrist and wrapping his arm around his body… Second Dance of Yamatohime no Mikoto
!!! Kagura nails her wrist clutch exploder suplex! She connects but doesn’t go for the pin. Instead, she lets Xander get to his knees before rushing towards him… First Dance of Awarawa no Mikoto!!! Kagura nails the shining wizard!!! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!-No!
Cohen: He got the shoulder up!
Copeland: This is unbelievable!
Kagura is beside herself, even holding her knee from how hard she hit it against Xander’s face. She gets to her feet and looks down at Xander, still not understanding how he kicked out of the First Dance. She grabs him by the hair and goes to drag him up, but Xander shoves her away before collapsing down to the canvas. Kagura approaches him and starts dragging him up once again. Xander shoves her away once again, but this time… X-Rated Superkick out of nowhere!!! Kagura falls flat on her back! Xander falls down on top of her! The referee makes the count! 1!! 2!! Kagura kicks out! The crowd’s roar sends vibrations throughout the entire arena!
Cohen: How!?
Connor: What is happening!?
The crowd has lost it as both competitors lay on the canvas. Xander is the first to move, and once again he can’t believe the referee has yet to declare him the winner. He wipes the remnants of red mist away from his face as he gets to his feet. He staggers his way towards the ref to complain, but before he can plead his case, Kagura jumps on Xander’s back!!! Fourth Dance of Toyouke Omikami!!!
Copeland: Fourth Dance!!! Fourth Dance!!!
Cohen: No!! No!! No!!
Connor: Kagura’s got the sleeper hold locked in!!!
Xander continues to stagger forward towards the referee, except now with Kagura on her back. They bump into the ref, who falls through the ropes, onto the apron and down to the outside. Xander see’s the ref fall before Kagura cinches the sleeper hold even tighter, and this time locks in a body scissors as well to complete the hold! Xander staggers backwards towards the center of the ring and falls to the canvas!
Copeland: She has the Fourth Dance fully locked in!
Connor: But the referee is down!
Cohen: Stay down ref! Stay down!
Xander reaches for the ropes, but they are nowhere near him. Frantically, he reaches over Kagura’s legs and into his own tights. He finds what he’s looking for and pulls out the bell hammer!
Cohen: Yes!
Copeland: No!
Connor: My God…
Xander holds the hammer head in his hand and starts desperately swinging it behind him, nailing Kagura in the head repeatedly, over and over again until she releases the hold… and even a couple of times after. The referee is only now beginning to move. Xander sees this and can barely react as he struggles to even breath, Kagura’s lifeless legs still wrapped around him as she lay motionless behind him. With what little energy he has left, he tosses the hammer out of the ring before the referee rolls back in. He simply leans backwards, and lays on top of Kagura’s lifeless body as the referee makes a confused count. 1… 2…. 3.
Copeland: Good Lord, why this way Xander?
Connor: I feel sick. The referee is calling for the bell, but the time keeper can’t even ring it because Xander used the damn hammer to win this match. If you can even call this a win.
Cohen: A wins a win… but uh… whoa.
Harrys: …and the winner of this match, Xander!
Xander refuses to let the referee raise his hand. Instead he rolls out of the ring and taunts the crowd by raising his arms in victory in the faces of multiple disgruntled fans.