klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Smackdown got a 2.31, another record high for Syfy. Good sign for WWE going into Mania.
Chris Jericho will be on Dancing with the Stars. That should be interesting.
Monday Night Raw
Date: February 28, 2011
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole
We have five Raws to go before Wrestlemania and the card is starting to have a lot more shape to it. With the highest rating the show has had in over a year and a half from last week and a record high rating for Smackdown on Syfy this past week, things are looking good on paper at the moment. Tonight well likely see more of Cena vs. Rock to build up to some showdown in Atlanta or possibly even next year in Miami. Lets get to it.
HHH opens the show and its confirmed that he has Taker at Wrestlemania as hes on his way to the ring. Josh sounds a bit off tonight, like his voice isnt working properly. The graphic shown for their match lists Undertaker as The Last Outlaw. Sounds like a weak cowboy heel gimmick in the 80s. HHH chant starts up before he talks. Josh hasnt talked in awhile while Lawler has so maybe hes sick or something.
HHH says the real test is the test of time and there is nothing he hasnt done in WWE. Hes defined the Elimination Chamber, hes defined Hell in a Cell, hes a 13 time world champion, he started DX and Evolution. Hes been hated and loved, hes defeated icons legends and immortals and has been here 16 years. HHH says hes outlasted everyone except for one person.
He says Undertaker is now known as the Last Outlaw, but thats not true. The two of them are more alike than Undertaker realizes. There are no more challenges for either of them but Taker has the Streak which is all that keeps him going. HHH claims to be the only true challenge Undertaker has left. I guess were ignoring HHH being victim #9 in the Streak. HHHs only remaining challenge is ending the Streak, which will happen at Wrestlemania 27. When the Streak dies, Undertaker dies with it and if he cant end the Streak then hell die trying. Good and emotional promo here from the Game.
As hes about to leave, heres Sheamus. Sheamus steps into the ring and gets a stiff kick to his Irish balls. No Pedigree but rather Sheamus is thrown to the floor where his beating continues. He throws Sheamus into the time keepers area and launches the chair out of there too. Pedigree onto the announce table kills Sheamus dead. That table collapsed very well too as it looked like it exploded. And before everyone says it, no that wasnt a burial.
Shawn Michaels is going to give his opinion on the HHH vs. Undertaker match later.
Cole is going to answer Kings challenge tonight.
Rock (via satellite) will answer Cena as well.
Back and Sheamus is just now being helped out of the arena. Theres an E-Mail which Lawler answers. He starts saying the May I Have Your Attention Please but stops and says nah. The E-Mail says that Sheamus was supposed to have a match and will still have that match, against this man who is returning to Raw.
Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne
Bourne fires away with kicks and hits (read as he missed by three inches) with a spin kick. That sets up the Shooting Star Press to end this in 37 seconds.
With Bourne still in the ring, Justin Roberts introduces Michael Cole. He says hell tell us what his plans are for Wrestlemania in just a few moments and we take a break.
Undertaker will be on Smackdown. There will also be a contract signing for Edge vs. Del Rio.
After a quick video of Cole insulting Jerry and his mother last week, Cole calls Lawler into the ring. Apparently only Lawler can get fired for striking Cole and not the other way around. Cole stumbles over his words here. Cole claims to have the most guts in the company and that he never backs down from a fight. His answer to the challenge is no. Coles face is so smug here that its great.
Cole says hell accept under two conditions. First off his trainer has to be in his corner at Wrestlemania and he gets to pick a special guest referee for the match. Lawler says he doesnt care if Cole has the Dark Knight, King Kong, Saba Simba and Superman with him, its on. Cole is WAY too happy about this, even dancing a little over it.
He introduces his trainer: Jack Swagger. Odd choice but it gives Swagger something to do I guess. Lawler stares up at Swagger and Cole slaps him. Jerry goes after Cole but gets caught in an ankle lock while Cole laughs at him. The referee isnt announced here.
Austin will be here next week.
Cole wipes off Lawlers headset to take over on commentary.
Cue Orton to a ROAR. Great pop for him there. This is a match but Orton has something to say to Punk first he. Last week CM was right about something. Two and a half years ago when Orton punted him it was the biggest mistake of Ortons career. He should have kicked harder. Faith cant protect Punk from punting him again. Orton talks about putting Punk in a rehabilitation home and the only thing Punk will have left is the faith that failed him.
Cue New Nexus led by Punk who has the microphone. Could we get to a match anytime soon? Punk says hell take care of Orton and here they come. An E-Mail stops them, which says that Orton will face Punk at Mania. Until then Orton gets singles matches against members of the New Nexus. If they beat Orton, that member can be in Punks corner at the PPV but if they lose, that member is barred. If any member interferes, the team is disbanded.
Randy Orton vs. Michael McGillicutty
Orton takes over quickly as you would expect. The knee drop misses and here comes McGillicutty. A clothesline by Orton sends him to the floor and we take a break. Back with McGillicutty hitting a dropkick for two. He adds the Mr. Perfect neck snap from the middle rope in a cool looking move. Theres the chinlock from McGillicutty on the master of the chinlock. Orton fights back and gets the powerslam and backbreaker. Elevated DDT has McGillicutty reeling. RKO ends it at 7:15 with about 4 minutes shown.
Post match Orton sets for the punt and Punk comes out to talk him out of it. This fails of course and McGillicutty's head is somewhere in the 4th row. McGiilicuttys face on the replay is great as his eyes are bugged out and his mouth is wide open.
We get a clip of Sin Cara aka Mistico signing with WWE. The name Mistico is mentioned as well which is surprising.
Here are Miz and Riley. Miz says Rock is responding to Cena tonight and not to Miz. Why isnt he doing that? Because Rock knows his time has passed and Miz is now the top star in WWE. Everyone wants him and wants to talk to him. He talks about Cena, saying that Miz won the titles last week, not the two of them. Cena should be worried about Miz, not Rock. Miz says hell beat Cena and then everyone will talk about him as the greatest superstar of all time.
Cue Cena who says he has very important news. He cant listen to anything else Miz says because Miz isnt well. Cena pulls out a Doctors Note (construction paper with Doctors Note written on it and a Red Cross) and says Miz is obsessive compulsive. Hes obsessed with being awesome despite being average. Cena lists off various things that Miz does, none of which are funny.
Riley says that toilet bowls are called Johns, because just like Cena, theyre full of crap. Even Cole makes fun of Riley for that one. Cena asks Miz if he gets it now why no one takes him seriously as champion. Cena makes something resembling a gay joke by asking if Miz wants to know if he wants his legacy to be shared with another man. He says Miz should fire Riley tonight to make Mania one on one.
Miz tries to come back at Cena by making fun of the jean shorts so Cena makes more gay jokes. He says be a man tonight and wants a match with Riley. If Cena wins, Riley doesnt work for Miz anymore. Miz accepts for Riley, on one condition. Miz wont interfere, but if Riley wins, Cena has to say Miz is the greatest superstar of all time, because hes the Miz and hes awesome. Cena lists off all the things hes been put through in the past year and twists his arm around saying ok youre on.
We get an E-Mail (and the third person answering it in the form of Cole) which says the match tonight will be in a cage. Good thing they had one above the ring. You can only win by escape. Really a weak segment that doesnt make me want to see them fight any more than I did before.
Divas Battle Royal
Back with this randomly starting. Eve is on commentary and the winner is #1 contender. About four people are gone in maybe a minute. You can go through the ropes to be eliminated. Within maybe a minute we have a Bella, Maryse and Gail. Gail sends Maryse out with a handful of tights and then the Bellas switch. One is thrown out and the other switches. Eve says shes had enough and whichever Bella that is (Cole doesnt know either for the most part) but apparently its Brie who wins in 2:00. Basically all the Raw Divas were in this.
We go to Rock at his home in a Cena hat and with a chain around his neck. He makes fun of the rapping thing from last week and then takes this crap off. He goes on a big rant against Cena, saying hes electrifying Buffalo like only Rock can. He looks like hes in front of a green screen (I know hes not but it looks like it for some reason).
Rock talks about making his big return and then Cena replies to him with a rap. Well of course he did because thats how the guy in the purple shirt and jean shorts would do. He makes fun of Thuganomics and Hustle, Loyalty and Respect. This all started when Cena called Rock a liar when Rock said he loved WWE but never came back.
His love for WWE is endless. He was born here and its in his blood. There are title belts behind him which he proudly displays and that all he wanted to do was prove that he can do things outside of WWE to open the door for the locker room. But then Cena insulted the Rock. Cena opened a door of his own and on the other side is The Rock.
At Mania hell be hosting but hell be addressing Cena sooner than Cena thinks. His spirit is everywhere and he can electrify Buffalo just like this. He snaps his fingers and the lights go out in the arena. Rock says hes never alone but is with the millions and millions of Rocks fans. He implies hell be face to face with Cena very soon. He says the Rock is back to scratch an itch, so enjoy your Fruity Pebbles you Yabba-Dabba Bitch. Very intense and full of energy, but its a step down from the two previous promos by these two.
Shawn gives his thoughts on HHH vs. Undertaker. There is no higher mountain than the Streak but there is something about HHH that is intense beyond words. More or less Shawn doesnt pick either guy.
Heres Daniel Bryan for a match but Miz jumps him on the way to the ring. A running big boot puts Bryan down as this is an assault. Fan: Miz youre a big cheater! Bryan is destroyed and takes a Skull Crushing Finale onto the floor. Even Cole gets on Miz for this. Miz grabs a mic and says he did that because he can. Welcome to the Miz Show! Now lower the cage and start the match!
Alex Riley vs. John Cena
You can win by escape only and if Cena wins, Miz has to fire Riley. Miz tweets that hes on commentary which is kind of cool. Cena hammers away in the corner and doesnt seem to be that worried. Release fishermans suplex puts Riley down. Miz is being a dick even to Cole as hes not happy about being forgotten for Rock and Cena. Thats a very legitimate criticism actually. Miz runs away to stop Cena from getting out of the cage and allows Riley to get in a good shot and take over.
Rileys chest is blood red. Cena goes into the cage and Miz has Riley bring Cena over to the cage to take a picture of him for Twitter. Thats hilarious. Miz slips the phone in through the cage and Cena is clocked with it. The referee is like damn I need to upgrade. Cena makes a diving save and Miz runs up to start a tug of war with Riley. STFU goes on and Riley is in trouble. Cena tries to get out but Miz grabs a chair and holds him off for Riley to get an electric chair drop and we take a break at 11:02. Ok then.
Back with Riley hitting a dropkick but Cena is coming back with his ending sequence. Five Knuckle Shuffle hits as the crowd doesn't seem to care. They've been pretty weak all night but granted with this card that's not really something you can blame them for. FU is blocked and they fight on the top rope. Riley knocks him down and goes up but takes forever as I guess Cena wasn't ready in time.
Cena makes the save and they fight on top of the cage. Riley goes back in and Cena does also for some reason. Back in the ring there's the FU and Cena grabs Miz's phone to take a picture of Riley. Miz stops him from escaping again but Cena just shoves the door open with the power of Flintstone Vitamins to win at 12:50. He winds up taking a Skull Crushing Finale on the floor to end the show.
Results
Evan Bourne b. Sheamus Shooting Star Press
Randy Orton b. Michael McGillicutty RKO
Brie Bella won a Divas Battle Royal Bella last eliminated Gail Kim to win
John Cena b. Alex Riley Cena escaped the cage
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.8 which is a good sign for them.
Jimmy Hart has left TNA. I didnt know he was still there either.
NXT
Date: March 1, 2011
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Todd Grisham
This is the finale of Season 4 and I cant say Im complaining. The two finalists are the monster Brodus Clay and the guy that makes having a bowl of vanilla ice cream while comparing the speed of paint drying against the speed grass grows sound like the time of your life, Johnny Curtis. I have a bad feeling theyll give it to Curtis as Ive thought thats what was coming since the season premiere. Lets get to it.
We open with a recap of the entire season so far. My goodness OBrian and Novak were worthless.
In the arena, Striker introduces the pros and then the rookies. WE WANT BATEMAN chant. But Vince and company doesnt and they know what the fans want right? Curtis says he should win because its personal and has been a fight between these two since the beginning. Hes fought all his life and is going to kick Brodus teeth in. Truth had to tell the crowd to be quiet so Curtis could talk. They were chanting for Bateman. Clay says Curtis stood up the entire season and they would be friends otherwise. Brodus makes it clear that hes the heel by making anti-Cleveland statements and talks about leaving like LeBron: a winner. That sets up this.
Brodus Clay vs. Johnny Curtis
Clay sends him to the floor to start. Back in and Curtis tries to stick and move. He escapes the Tongan Death Grip but is taken down off the middle rope as we take a break. Theres a new DVD coming out called the True Story of Wrestlemania with a bunch of behind the scenes stuff. That could be very entertaining from a variety of perspectives. Back with Clay holding Curtis in a nerve hold.
The idea here is that Clay is just doing basic stuff and letting Curtis make mistakes. Suplex gets two and we go back to the nerve hold. Clay goes after Truth but misses a corner splash. DDT puts Clay down for a bit but the power of fat compels Curtis to get armdragged/wrist dragged off the top and the splash ends it at 5:30.
Truth defends Curtis post match which means nothing.
Bryan and Bateman are in the back. Bateman has a tag match later in an NXT reunion or something. Bryan fulfills his promise by punching him in the face (read as he has his fist up and pushes it out which knocks Bateman down) for being eliminated. Bryan says win this for chicks, for America and for Cleveland. Funny stuff as usual, but since he cant uh ..uh just be there with Truth I guess, hes been eliminated.
And yes I make fun of Curtis a lot but they did this last season with Kaitlyn by just deciding she was going to win and theyre doing it again here while Bateman and AJ respectively were clearly more popular but the company decided otherwise. Its rather annoying and when you have to see it coming all season its even more annoying.
I was killing time because it was a commercial and now we reair the Rock promo from last night. It was very intense but at the same time he didnt convince me of a damn thing. I still side with Cena in this almost entirely. I get that Rock vs. Cena is far more important and entertaining than NXT, but when the show is 50 minutes long including commercials and 20% of that is dedicated to something from last night, why should I believe that the show Im watching is important? They do it on Smackdown too which makes it even more questionable.
Conor OBrian/Derrick Bateman vs. Jacob Novak/Bryon Saxton
Oh please make it short. Bateman is the hometown boy so hes the most popular of course. It helps that hes arguably the only talented one in there. OBrian and Novak start us off and the fans chant for Bateman. Off to Saxton and were already having a boring match here maybe 90 seconds in. The non-Bateman team tags in and out a lot while I guess were waiting for the hot tag to Bateman.
OBrian is getting destroyed so theres some value to this match already. No mention of Season 5 so far if you were wondering. Saxton stops the tag for a bit but cant do it again. Bateman comes in and cleans house on both heels (I think. Its hard to call OBrian a face) but gets caught in that Downward Spiral Stunner that Ziggler uses by Saxton. Novak walks out on the match and Bateman hits a bulldog/DDT hybrid to beat Saxton at 4:40. Unique finisher if nothing else.
We recap the main event of Raw to waste more time. The camera deal was funny.
We reair the Shawn Michaels analysis or whatever you want to call that from last night to fill in even more time. You couldnt do like, Truth vs. Bryan or something to fill in 8 minutes?
Before we end the show, Josh says watch Smackdown to see Taker return.
Heres a promo for Smackdown, saying Taker returns! Why do I watch this show again?
Theres going to be a Season 5. DAMN IT!!!! Its going to be like nothing weve ever seen before but we get no more details than that.
Striker thanks the Pros as were finally at the ending. Johnny Curtis wins. Fuck this show. Fuck it to hell. Fuck it beyond hell. I give up. The fucking winner is 3-7. They made it clear this guy was going to win in the first episode, making the rest of this show COMPLETELY POINTLESS. What in the flying hell are they even airing this for anymore? Total failure here as Clay dominated him in the ring and was pushed as a major guy all season, making the matches and competitions totally pointless. Im legit mad here and yet Im totally not surprised at all. Curtis says nothing of note and Clay hugs him.
Results
Brodus Clay b. Johnny Curtis Splash
Derrick Bateman/Conor OBrian b. Jacob Novak/Byron Saxton Bulldog DDT to Saxton
Johnny Curtis won Season 4 of NXT
Wednesday
Various stuff happened, nothing worth noting though.
Thursday
Shark Boy is gone from TNA. Big news indeed.
Impact
Date: March 3, 2011
Location: Crown Coliseum, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Were finally to the big night for TNA where were out of the Impact Zone for the first time in years. Tonight we have the revelation of the 3-3-11 video (I wonder if the fans there will be confused by it as the show was taped while Impact was aired last week), the final verdict in the Dixie vs. Hogan court case and the renewal of the wedding vows of the Jarretts. Lets get to it.
We open with Dixie looking very sad. After thanking the fans for their support, she says things didnt go the way she planned in the court case and heres Immortal. Bischoff more or less says hit the bricks but that he respects her. He says she has a massive set of balls for being a woman in a mans sport. Flair says that if she had slept with him back in Orlando none of this would have happened. He says its about money and power and whoever has the most wins. Heres Hulk for the first time in I think 14 weeks?
Hogan says he was in court earlier today and he now controls all of TNA. Ok so now can we do something other than a power struggle? Dixie gets fired to no ones shock. The place looks far better than the Impact Zone. Dixie starts crying as Hulk says he and Eric used her to get back on top of the wrestling business. She supplies the money and thats it apparently. So what was the point in firing her then? Hogan does a freaky country accent when he says hes about to take her dignity.
Dixie tries to say that the fans can do something about this which isnt really clear. After Hogan earlier said she was fired, Hogan says its him and her running TNA now. Cue Fourtune with AJ saying they like doing it the hard way. He says theres a woman in the ring and she brought them there. The arena looks kind of like the final days of Nitro but with the tron videos instead of the WCW logo on the big screen.
Roode says Hogan was his idol but now hes let Roode down. Flair says he and Hogan are friends but Roode cuts him off. Flair keeps talking anyway. Fourtune storms the ring but security stops them as we go to a break.
Back with Immortal celebrating in the back and Hogan introduces them to Bart Scott, a member of the New York Jets. Scott and Matt go somewhere. Neither of the Jeffs have been seen so far. Matt and Bart run into Dixie who is with Fourtune and they shout stuff at her while Dixie runs. Kaz and AJ get in a fight with them as I guess Immortal went somewhere else. Security breaks it up. While this is going on the Jarretts show up and walk between the brawling guys.
Heres a video recapping the Jarretts vs. Angle which is finally done tonight. Tonight Kurt walks Karen down the aisle for the renewal of the Jarretts wedding vows.
Back with Bischoff telling Hogan that Jeff Hardy has to defend the title tonight but the network wont tell him the opponent. Hogan says theyll be ready.
Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Gunner/Murphy
Amazing how much better Gunner and Murphy look in actual tights. I actually buy them as challengers .kind of. Storm has the damn Boozer Cruiser back again. The ring looks smaller than usual. Gunner/Murphy jump the champions to start but Storm fights out of it and hits a Codebreaker to I think Gunner. Off to Roode who gets a nice pop. He cleans house as this arena looks and feels a lot better than the Impact Zone already. Spinebuster gets two on Gunner but Murphy kicks Roodes head off. After some heel miscommunication, Beer Money hits DWI on Gunner to end this at 3:07.
Ink Inc comes out post match and say they want a title match. Moore says DILLIGAF means do I look like I give a, and here he throws it to the crowd, and its censored. That was a bit odd but whatever. Beer Money accepts the challenge and apparently its at the PPV.
The Jarretts are ready and Young pops up in a tuxedo t-shirt and wants to be the best man. Hes turned down and wants to be the maid of honor, flower girl or ring bearer. Apparently the last one is accepted.
Some Jersey Shore chick is here.
Kurt is here with his son.
Sarita vs. Velvet Sky
Im pretty sure Sarita swore she would be here alone but Rosita is there too. If Velvet loses shes gone. No sexy entrance for the Beautiful People to lower this match already. Velvet pulls Sarita by the hair and takes her down with a clothesline. Belly to back is reversed by Sky for two. Dropkick by Saita misses and Velvet gets an armdrag. Rosita tries to come in and Angelina makes the save. They both get thrown out and its one on one.
Sarita takes over with some knees to the back and then dances a bit. After Tenay plugs a new Spike TV show, Sarita tries a Pedigree or something like one but Velvet reversed into a DDT for the pin at 2:00. No rating due to the shortness but at least that ends it clean once and for all.
Post match Cookie and Robbie E come out with the other Jersey Shore chick: Angelina. This is about J-Woww, the other Jersey Short chick that was here. Jersey Angelina says she wants J-Woww there and wants the Beautiful People to tell her. Velvet says do it yourself and turns to leave. Catfight of course breaks out and Sarita helps in the beatdown. Angelina Love says there will be a six way next week, so the Jersey Shore chick is fighting. No clue if the Beautiful People will have J-Woww or likely Winter with them.
Back with Anderson saying hell get his title back and that he is ratings. He sounds drunk as hell.
Eric says that hes the ring bearer and Orlando is flower girl. Eric says that Jordan stole Karens ring which is in his nose. The ring is actually in Erics shoe. Uh yeah.
Jeff Jarrett is in the bathroom getting ready and they have a ten foot tall wedding cake. Flair comes in to talk about the honeymoon. Jeff has a big honeymoon plan and theyre going to Orlando to take the family to the Harry Potter park. I want to go! Flair says hes an idiot.
Kurt is taping his fists and his son leaves with a production guy. The wedding is next.
Back with Hogan talking on the phone to someone in Paris. I think its the network people. Yeah it is as Hogan is complaining about not knowing the opponent as he wants Anderson. Hogan says he doesnt like the idea of surprises = ratings. He agrees to whatever the network guy says and hangs up, clearly annoyed.
Time for the wedding. Eric Young is the ring bearer and Orlando Jordan is the flower girl. Jeff comes out thankfully not to his theme music. Tazz keeps calling Karen by the name Karen Angle. And of course heres Kurt and the brawl is on. Jeff almost goes into the definitely not ten foot cake. Kurt hits a clothesline and heres Karen. She slaps Kurt and goes into the cake. Angles music plays it out. This whole thing might have lasted two and a half minutes.
Hogan is in the back with Jeff Hardy and Hogan says no more ladder matches. Thats something they can control. What they cant control is that Jeff is labeled as a fighting champion and he has to fight tonight. Jeff doesnt like not knowing his opponent. Hogan blames the ratings for the problem. He says Jeff is like a son to him and gives him a pep talk. Jeff says hell do it and we go to a break.
The Jarretts are all pissed off and yell at Flair and Bischoff. Even Flair is scared of her. Eric says the wedding will still take place while Karen screams. Hogan pops up and asks if Eric knows whos coming from the Network but they might have an idea. They dont say a name though. Flair is sent to take care of the wedding thing.
Rob Terry vs. Scott Steiner
Oh this could be bad. During Terrys entrance we get a clip of him jumping Steiner last week during the posedown. Scott dominates to start and sends Terry to the floor. Steiner goes into the post with both his face and his back. Powerslam by Terry gets two. Steiner gets a boot up and a belly to belly to set up a Downward Spiral. Steiner Line puts him down again. Theres the elbow and the pushups. Angle Slam from the middle rope sets up the Recliner and its over at 3:15.
Flair and Bart Scott go up to Angle in the locker room and apparently Bart is going to be the enforcer for the wedding.
Some MMA guy (I dont follow MMA so I only vaguely know what Bellator is) is here for commentary on this match.
Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan
Hernandez jumps him quickly but Morgan takes him down. The MMA guy has energy if nothing else. I dont have a problem with guest commentators that arent wrestling guys as long as they sound like they want to be there, which he does. Hernandez tries to leave so Morgan grabs him and brings him back in.
Hernandez blocks a side slam and tries the shirt throw. Morgan blocks and Hernandez goes flying. That looked great. Hernandez takes a clothesline to take him to the floor. Out to the floor and Hernandez suckers him into the stairs to take over. Morgan gets rammed in again and again and Hebner throws it out at 4:30 for the longest match of the night so far.
Hogan more or less cuts a promo on some guy on the phone, demanding to know the opponent. Anderson comes in and is told he doesnt get his shot again. Hogan is upset about not knowing what happens to Immortal after this. Anderson doesnt seem to care. Hogan has to stop to put on a back brace. Thats like the ending to a bad joke. Anderson says Hogan disgusts him now. Hogan says let him know when he slams a 700lb giant. Good line.
Now we get a preview for the new Spike show.
Time for wedding #2. Young it still wedding bearer and Jordan is still flower girl. Jeff doesnt have a coat on this time. Kurt walks Karen down the aisle. Hes smiling and Karen seems to still have cake on her face. Kurt is all happy here and its rather amusing. No Bart Scott in sight. The fans boo at the or forever hold your piece line. They both say I will and all that jazz. The minister asks the fans if theyll support the Jarretts. Take a guess how that goes over.
Now we get to hear CUSTOM vows. Weve had a combined 12 minutes of wrestling and were getting custom vows. Wow indeed. Jeff says hes long winded and would be nervous so he wrote his out. He runs down Kurt the whole time and Kurt just keeps smiling away. Hes looking over Jeffs shoulder and its rather creepy. Karen is the wind beneath his wings.
Karen says Jeff is a real man and the princess is taken care of. Oh and Kurt didnt screw her enough apparently. Jeff completes her. The minister announces them as husband and wife through the power vested in him by the department of motor vehicles. The unintentional comedy is helping here. They actually get through the kissing of the bride, so Kurt busts out an axe and starts hacking the set to pieces, all with that creepy grin on his face. That was kind of awesome.
Bischoff sends out Bart Scott. Yes send your celebrity out to the CRAZY MAN WITH AN AXE! Surprisingly enough they go at it and Kurt grabs the ankle lock and cranks on it. Didnt expect that. Segment went WAY too long but the ending helped it a lot.
Hardy says hes ready.
Some feet get out of a limo. Yeah that hasnt been done recently either.
TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. ???
Ok so this is the announcement thats going to CHANGE WRESTLING FOREVER! Its 11pm and the opponent is ..Sting. HAHA WWE couldnt do it so TNA can. Yes Eric youre very cute. Sting is winning the title tonight isnt he? And Sting is in sequins. Theres red in his paint though so I guess this is a bit different now? He has red sequins on his legs and crotch but points for the actual ring jacket/robe instead of a big trenchcoat.
Taz flat out says this was about where Sting would wind up so yes this is yet again shifting the entire main event around for a shot at WWE. Sting goes right for him and Hardy bails. Back in and Hardy beats Sting down with three shots. COME ON HERO (ten points to whoever knows what Im referencing). Hardy cant get a suplex and theres the Scorpion already but Jeff is on his hands. Sting looks like hes ordering dinner.
A rope is grabbed and we head to the aisle. Suplex by Sting on the ramp as its more or less all Sting here. Sting (of course) misses the splash on the railing and we hit the chinlock back in the ring. That gets him nowhere as Sting thumps his chest and hits the Scorpion Death Drop for two. Whisper in the Wind is crotched and Sting gets another Death Drop from the ropes. Another gets the pin and the title at 6:15 for the longest match of the night by far.
Results
Beer Money b. Gunner/Murphy DWI to Gunner
Velvet Sky b. Sarita DDT
Scott Steiner b. Rob Terry Steiner Recliner
Matt Morgan b. Hernandez via DQ when Hernandez rammed Morgan into the stairs multiple times
Sting b. Jeff Hardy Scorpion Death Drop
Smackdown got a 2.31, another record high for Syfy. Good sign for WWE going into Mania.
Chris Jericho will be on Dancing with the Stars. That should be interesting.
Monday Night Raw
Date: February 28, 2011
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole
We have five Raws to go before Wrestlemania and the card is starting to have a lot more shape to it. With the highest rating the show has had in over a year and a half from last week and a record high rating for Smackdown on Syfy this past week, things are looking good on paper at the moment. Tonight well likely see more of Cena vs. Rock to build up to some showdown in Atlanta or possibly even next year in Miami. Lets get to it.
HHH opens the show and its confirmed that he has Taker at Wrestlemania as hes on his way to the ring. Josh sounds a bit off tonight, like his voice isnt working properly. The graphic shown for their match lists Undertaker as The Last Outlaw. Sounds like a weak cowboy heel gimmick in the 80s. HHH chant starts up before he talks. Josh hasnt talked in awhile while Lawler has so maybe hes sick or something.
HHH says the real test is the test of time and there is nothing he hasnt done in WWE. Hes defined the Elimination Chamber, hes defined Hell in a Cell, hes a 13 time world champion, he started DX and Evolution. Hes been hated and loved, hes defeated icons legends and immortals and has been here 16 years. HHH says hes outlasted everyone except for one person.
He says Undertaker is now known as the Last Outlaw, but thats not true. The two of them are more alike than Undertaker realizes. There are no more challenges for either of them but Taker has the Streak which is all that keeps him going. HHH claims to be the only true challenge Undertaker has left. I guess were ignoring HHH being victim #9 in the Streak. HHHs only remaining challenge is ending the Streak, which will happen at Wrestlemania 27. When the Streak dies, Undertaker dies with it and if he cant end the Streak then hell die trying. Good and emotional promo here from the Game.
As hes about to leave, heres Sheamus. Sheamus steps into the ring and gets a stiff kick to his Irish balls. No Pedigree but rather Sheamus is thrown to the floor where his beating continues. He throws Sheamus into the time keepers area and launches the chair out of there too. Pedigree onto the announce table kills Sheamus dead. That table collapsed very well too as it looked like it exploded. And before everyone says it, no that wasnt a burial.
Shawn Michaels is going to give his opinion on the HHH vs. Undertaker match later.
Cole is going to answer Kings challenge tonight.
Rock (via satellite) will answer Cena as well.
Back and Sheamus is just now being helped out of the arena. Theres an E-Mail which Lawler answers. He starts saying the May I Have Your Attention Please but stops and says nah. The E-Mail says that Sheamus was supposed to have a match and will still have that match, against this man who is returning to Raw.
Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne
Bourne fires away with kicks and hits (read as he missed by three inches) with a spin kick. That sets up the Shooting Star Press to end this in 37 seconds.
With Bourne still in the ring, Justin Roberts introduces Michael Cole. He says hell tell us what his plans are for Wrestlemania in just a few moments and we take a break.
Undertaker will be on Smackdown. There will also be a contract signing for Edge vs. Del Rio.
After a quick video of Cole insulting Jerry and his mother last week, Cole calls Lawler into the ring. Apparently only Lawler can get fired for striking Cole and not the other way around. Cole stumbles over his words here. Cole claims to have the most guts in the company and that he never backs down from a fight. His answer to the challenge is no. Coles face is so smug here that its great.
Cole says hell accept under two conditions. First off his trainer has to be in his corner at Wrestlemania and he gets to pick a special guest referee for the match. Lawler says he doesnt care if Cole has the Dark Knight, King Kong, Saba Simba and Superman with him, its on. Cole is WAY too happy about this, even dancing a little over it.
He introduces his trainer: Jack Swagger. Odd choice but it gives Swagger something to do I guess. Lawler stares up at Swagger and Cole slaps him. Jerry goes after Cole but gets caught in an ankle lock while Cole laughs at him. The referee isnt announced here.
Austin will be here next week.
Cole wipes off Lawlers headset to take over on commentary.
Cue Orton to a ROAR. Great pop for him there. This is a match but Orton has something to say to Punk first he. Last week CM was right about something. Two and a half years ago when Orton punted him it was the biggest mistake of Ortons career. He should have kicked harder. Faith cant protect Punk from punting him again. Orton talks about putting Punk in a rehabilitation home and the only thing Punk will have left is the faith that failed him.
Cue New Nexus led by Punk who has the microphone. Could we get to a match anytime soon? Punk says hell take care of Orton and here they come. An E-Mail stops them, which says that Orton will face Punk at Mania. Until then Orton gets singles matches against members of the New Nexus. If they beat Orton, that member can be in Punks corner at the PPV but if they lose, that member is barred. If any member interferes, the team is disbanded.
Randy Orton vs. Michael McGillicutty
Orton takes over quickly as you would expect. The knee drop misses and here comes McGillicutty. A clothesline by Orton sends him to the floor and we take a break. Back with McGillicutty hitting a dropkick for two. He adds the Mr. Perfect neck snap from the middle rope in a cool looking move. Theres the chinlock from McGillicutty on the master of the chinlock. Orton fights back and gets the powerslam and backbreaker. Elevated DDT has McGillicutty reeling. RKO ends it at 7:15 with about 4 minutes shown.
Post match Orton sets for the punt and Punk comes out to talk him out of it. This fails of course and McGillicutty's head is somewhere in the 4th row. McGiilicuttys face on the replay is great as his eyes are bugged out and his mouth is wide open.
We get a clip of Sin Cara aka Mistico signing with WWE. The name Mistico is mentioned as well which is surprising.
Here are Miz and Riley. Miz says Rock is responding to Cena tonight and not to Miz. Why isnt he doing that? Because Rock knows his time has passed and Miz is now the top star in WWE. Everyone wants him and wants to talk to him. He talks about Cena, saying that Miz won the titles last week, not the two of them. Cena should be worried about Miz, not Rock. Miz says hell beat Cena and then everyone will talk about him as the greatest superstar of all time.
Cue Cena who says he has very important news. He cant listen to anything else Miz says because Miz isnt well. Cena pulls out a Doctors Note (construction paper with Doctors Note written on it and a Red Cross) and says Miz is obsessive compulsive. Hes obsessed with being awesome despite being average. Cena lists off various things that Miz does, none of which are funny.
Riley says that toilet bowls are called Johns, because just like Cena, theyre full of crap. Even Cole makes fun of Riley for that one. Cena asks Miz if he gets it now why no one takes him seriously as champion. Cena makes something resembling a gay joke by asking if Miz wants to know if he wants his legacy to be shared with another man. He says Miz should fire Riley tonight to make Mania one on one.
Miz tries to come back at Cena by making fun of the jean shorts so Cena makes more gay jokes. He says be a man tonight and wants a match with Riley. If Cena wins, Riley doesnt work for Miz anymore. Miz accepts for Riley, on one condition. Miz wont interfere, but if Riley wins, Cena has to say Miz is the greatest superstar of all time, because hes the Miz and hes awesome. Cena lists off all the things hes been put through in the past year and twists his arm around saying ok youre on.
We get an E-Mail (and the third person answering it in the form of Cole) which says the match tonight will be in a cage. Good thing they had one above the ring. You can only win by escape. Really a weak segment that doesnt make me want to see them fight any more than I did before.
Divas Battle Royal
Back with this randomly starting. Eve is on commentary and the winner is #1 contender. About four people are gone in maybe a minute. You can go through the ropes to be eliminated. Within maybe a minute we have a Bella, Maryse and Gail. Gail sends Maryse out with a handful of tights and then the Bellas switch. One is thrown out and the other switches. Eve says shes had enough and whichever Bella that is (Cole doesnt know either for the most part) but apparently its Brie who wins in 2:00. Basically all the Raw Divas were in this.
We go to Rock at his home in a Cena hat and with a chain around his neck. He makes fun of the rapping thing from last week and then takes this crap off. He goes on a big rant against Cena, saying hes electrifying Buffalo like only Rock can. He looks like hes in front of a green screen (I know hes not but it looks like it for some reason).
Rock talks about making his big return and then Cena replies to him with a rap. Well of course he did because thats how the guy in the purple shirt and jean shorts would do. He makes fun of Thuganomics and Hustle, Loyalty and Respect. This all started when Cena called Rock a liar when Rock said he loved WWE but never came back.
His love for WWE is endless. He was born here and its in his blood. There are title belts behind him which he proudly displays and that all he wanted to do was prove that he can do things outside of WWE to open the door for the locker room. But then Cena insulted the Rock. Cena opened a door of his own and on the other side is The Rock.
At Mania hell be hosting but hell be addressing Cena sooner than Cena thinks. His spirit is everywhere and he can electrify Buffalo just like this. He snaps his fingers and the lights go out in the arena. Rock says hes never alone but is with the millions and millions of Rocks fans. He implies hell be face to face with Cena very soon. He says the Rock is back to scratch an itch, so enjoy your Fruity Pebbles you Yabba-Dabba Bitch. Very intense and full of energy, but its a step down from the two previous promos by these two.
Shawn gives his thoughts on HHH vs. Undertaker. There is no higher mountain than the Streak but there is something about HHH that is intense beyond words. More or less Shawn doesnt pick either guy.
Heres Daniel Bryan for a match but Miz jumps him on the way to the ring. A running big boot puts Bryan down as this is an assault. Fan: Miz youre a big cheater! Bryan is destroyed and takes a Skull Crushing Finale onto the floor. Even Cole gets on Miz for this. Miz grabs a mic and says he did that because he can. Welcome to the Miz Show! Now lower the cage and start the match!
Alex Riley vs. John Cena
You can win by escape only and if Cena wins, Miz has to fire Riley. Miz tweets that hes on commentary which is kind of cool. Cena hammers away in the corner and doesnt seem to be that worried. Release fishermans suplex puts Riley down. Miz is being a dick even to Cole as hes not happy about being forgotten for Rock and Cena. Thats a very legitimate criticism actually. Miz runs away to stop Cena from getting out of the cage and allows Riley to get in a good shot and take over.
Rileys chest is blood red. Cena goes into the cage and Miz has Riley bring Cena over to the cage to take a picture of him for Twitter. Thats hilarious. Miz slips the phone in through the cage and Cena is clocked with it. The referee is like damn I need to upgrade. Cena makes a diving save and Miz runs up to start a tug of war with Riley. STFU goes on and Riley is in trouble. Cena tries to get out but Miz grabs a chair and holds him off for Riley to get an electric chair drop and we take a break at 11:02. Ok then.
Back with Riley hitting a dropkick but Cena is coming back with his ending sequence. Five Knuckle Shuffle hits as the crowd doesn't seem to care. They've been pretty weak all night but granted with this card that's not really something you can blame them for. FU is blocked and they fight on the top rope. Riley knocks him down and goes up but takes forever as I guess Cena wasn't ready in time.
Cena makes the save and they fight on top of the cage. Riley goes back in and Cena does also for some reason. Back in the ring there's the FU and Cena grabs Miz's phone to take a picture of Riley. Miz stops him from escaping again but Cena just shoves the door open with the power of Flintstone Vitamins to win at 12:50. He winds up taking a Skull Crushing Finale on the floor to end the show.
Results
Evan Bourne b. Sheamus Shooting Star Press
Randy Orton b. Michael McGillicutty RKO
Brie Bella won a Divas Battle Royal Bella last eliminated Gail Kim to win
John Cena b. Alex Riley Cena escaped the cage
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.8 which is a good sign for them.
Jimmy Hart has left TNA. I didnt know he was still there either.
NXT
Date: March 1, 2011
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Todd Grisham
This is the finale of Season 4 and I cant say Im complaining. The two finalists are the monster Brodus Clay and the guy that makes having a bowl of vanilla ice cream while comparing the speed of paint drying against the speed grass grows sound like the time of your life, Johnny Curtis. I have a bad feeling theyll give it to Curtis as Ive thought thats what was coming since the season premiere. Lets get to it.
We open with a recap of the entire season so far. My goodness OBrian and Novak were worthless.
In the arena, Striker introduces the pros and then the rookies. WE WANT BATEMAN chant. But Vince and company doesnt and they know what the fans want right? Curtis says he should win because its personal and has been a fight between these two since the beginning. Hes fought all his life and is going to kick Brodus teeth in. Truth had to tell the crowd to be quiet so Curtis could talk. They were chanting for Bateman. Clay says Curtis stood up the entire season and they would be friends otherwise. Brodus makes it clear that hes the heel by making anti-Cleveland statements and talks about leaving like LeBron: a winner. That sets up this.
Brodus Clay vs. Johnny Curtis
Clay sends him to the floor to start. Back in and Curtis tries to stick and move. He escapes the Tongan Death Grip but is taken down off the middle rope as we take a break. Theres a new DVD coming out called the True Story of Wrestlemania with a bunch of behind the scenes stuff. That could be very entertaining from a variety of perspectives. Back with Clay holding Curtis in a nerve hold.
The idea here is that Clay is just doing basic stuff and letting Curtis make mistakes. Suplex gets two and we go back to the nerve hold. Clay goes after Truth but misses a corner splash. DDT puts Clay down for a bit but the power of fat compels Curtis to get armdragged/wrist dragged off the top and the splash ends it at 5:30.
Truth defends Curtis post match which means nothing.
Bryan and Bateman are in the back. Bateman has a tag match later in an NXT reunion or something. Bryan fulfills his promise by punching him in the face (read as he has his fist up and pushes it out which knocks Bateman down) for being eliminated. Bryan says win this for chicks, for America and for Cleveland. Funny stuff as usual, but since he cant uh ..uh just be there with Truth I guess, hes been eliminated.
And yes I make fun of Curtis a lot but they did this last season with Kaitlyn by just deciding she was going to win and theyre doing it again here while Bateman and AJ respectively were clearly more popular but the company decided otherwise. Its rather annoying and when you have to see it coming all season its even more annoying.
I was killing time because it was a commercial and now we reair the Rock promo from last night. It was very intense but at the same time he didnt convince me of a damn thing. I still side with Cena in this almost entirely. I get that Rock vs. Cena is far more important and entertaining than NXT, but when the show is 50 minutes long including commercials and 20% of that is dedicated to something from last night, why should I believe that the show Im watching is important? They do it on Smackdown too which makes it even more questionable.
Conor OBrian/Derrick Bateman vs. Jacob Novak/Bryon Saxton
Oh please make it short. Bateman is the hometown boy so hes the most popular of course. It helps that hes arguably the only talented one in there. OBrian and Novak start us off and the fans chant for Bateman. Off to Saxton and were already having a boring match here maybe 90 seconds in. The non-Bateman team tags in and out a lot while I guess were waiting for the hot tag to Bateman.
OBrian is getting destroyed so theres some value to this match already. No mention of Season 5 so far if you were wondering. Saxton stops the tag for a bit but cant do it again. Bateman comes in and cleans house on both heels (I think. Its hard to call OBrian a face) but gets caught in that Downward Spiral Stunner that Ziggler uses by Saxton. Novak walks out on the match and Bateman hits a bulldog/DDT hybrid to beat Saxton at 4:40. Unique finisher if nothing else.
We recap the main event of Raw to waste more time. The camera deal was funny.
We reair the Shawn Michaels analysis or whatever you want to call that from last night to fill in even more time. You couldnt do like, Truth vs. Bryan or something to fill in 8 minutes?
Before we end the show, Josh says watch Smackdown to see Taker return.
Heres a promo for Smackdown, saying Taker returns! Why do I watch this show again?
Theres going to be a Season 5. DAMN IT!!!! Its going to be like nothing weve ever seen before but we get no more details than that.
Striker thanks the Pros as were finally at the ending. Johnny Curtis wins. Fuck this show. Fuck it to hell. Fuck it beyond hell. I give up. The fucking winner is 3-7. They made it clear this guy was going to win in the first episode, making the rest of this show COMPLETELY POINTLESS. What in the flying hell are they even airing this for anymore? Total failure here as Clay dominated him in the ring and was pushed as a major guy all season, making the matches and competitions totally pointless. Im legit mad here and yet Im totally not surprised at all. Curtis says nothing of note and Clay hugs him.
Results
Brodus Clay b. Johnny Curtis Splash
Derrick Bateman/Conor OBrian b. Jacob Novak/Byron Saxton Bulldog DDT to Saxton
Johnny Curtis won Season 4 of NXT
Wednesday
Various stuff happened, nothing worth noting though.
Thursday
Shark Boy is gone from TNA. Big news indeed.
Impact
Date: March 3, 2011
Location: Crown Coliseum, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Were finally to the big night for TNA where were out of the Impact Zone for the first time in years. Tonight we have the revelation of the 3-3-11 video (I wonder if the fans there will be confused by it as the show was taped while Impact was aired last week), the final verdict in the Dixie vs. Hogan court case and the renewal of the wedding vows of the Jarretts. Lets get to it.
We open with Dixie looking very sad. After thanking the fans for their support, she says things didnt go the way she planned in the court case and heres Immortal. Bischoff more or less says hit the bricks but that he respects her. He says she has a massive set of balls for being a woman in a mans sport. Flair says that if she had slept with him back in Orlando none of this would have happened. He says its about money and power and whoever has the most wins. Heres Hulk for the first time in I think 14 weeks?
Hogan says he was in court earlier today and he now controls all of TNA. Ok so now can we do something other than a power struggle? Dixie gets fired to no ones shock. The place looks far better than the Impact Zone. Dixie starts crying as Hulk says he and Eric used her to get back on top of the wrestling business. She supplies the money and thats it apparently. So what was the point in firing her then? Hogan does a freaky country accent when he says hes about to take her dignity.
Dixie tries to say that the fans can do something about this which isnt really clear. After Hogan earlier said she was fired, Hogan says its him and her running TNA now. Cue Fourtune with AJ saying they like doing it the hard way. He says theres a woman in the ring and she brought them there. The arena looks kind of like the final days of Nitro but with the tron videos instead of the WCW logo on the big screen.
Roode says Hogan was his idol but now hes let Roode down. Flair says he and Hogan are friends but Roode cuts him off. Flair keeps talking anyway. Fourtune storms the ring but security stops them as we go to a break.
Back with Immortal celebrating in the back and Hogan introduces them to Bart Scott, a member of the New York Jets. Scott and Matt go somewhere. Neither of the Jeffs have been seen so far. Matt and Bart run into Dixie who is with Fourtune and they shout stuff at her while Dixie runs. Kaz and AJ get in a fight with them as I guess Immortal went somewhere else. Security breaks it up. While this is going on the Jarretts show up and walk between the brawling guys.
Heres a video recapping the Jarretts vs. Angle which is finally done tonight. Tonight Kurt walks Karen down the aisle for the renewal of the Jarretts wedding vows.
Back with Bischoff telling Hogan that Jeff Hardy has to defend the title tonight but the network wont tell him the opponent. Hogan says theyll be ready.
Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Gunner/Murphy
Amazing how much better Gunner and Murphy look in actual tights. I actually buy them as challengers .kind of. Storm has the damn Boozer Cruiser back again. The ring looks smaller than usual. Gunner/Murphy jump the champions to start but Storm fights out of it and hits a Codebreaker to I think Gunner. Off to Roode who gets a nice pop. He cleans house as this arena looks and feels a lot better than the Impact Zone already. Spinebuster gets two on Gunner but Murphy kicks Roodes head off. After some heel miscommunication, Beer Money hits DWI on Gunner to end this at 3:07.
Ink Inc comes out post match and say they want a title match. Moore says DILLIGAF means do I look like I give a, and here he throws it to the crowd, and its censored. That was a bit odd but whatever. Beer Money accepts the challenge and apparently its at the PPV.
The Jarretts are ready and Young pops up in a tuxedo t-shirt and wants to be the best man. Hes turned down and wants to be the maid of honor, flower girl or ring bearer. Apparently the last one is accepted.
Some Jersey Shore chick is here.
Kurt is here with his son.
Sarita vs. Velvet Sky
Im pretty sure Sarita swore she would be here alone but Rosita is there too. If Velvet loses shes gone. No sexy entrance for the Beautiful People to lower this match already. Velvet pulls Sarita by the hair and takes her down with a clothesline. Belly to back is reversed by Sky for two. Dropkick by Saita misses and Velvet gets an armdrag. Rosita tries to come in and Angelina makes the save. They both get thrown out and its one on one.
Sarita takes over with some knees to the back and then dances a bit. After Tenay plugs a new Spike TV show, Sarita tries a Pedigree or something like one but Velvet reversed into a DDT for the pin at 2:00. No rating due to the shortness but at least that ends it clean once and for all.
Post match Cookie and Robbie E come out with the other Jersey Shore chick: Angelina. This is about J-Woww, the other Jersey Short chick that was here. Jersey Angelina says she wants J-Woww there and wants the Beautiful People to tell her. Velvet says do it yourself and turns to leave. Catfight of course breaks out and Sarita helps in the beatdown. Angelina Love says there will be a six way next week, so the Jersey Shore chick is fighting. No clue if the Beautiful People will have J-Woww or likely Winter with them.
Back with Anderson saying hell get his title back and that he is ratings. He sounds drunk as hell.
Eric says that hes the ring bearer and Orlando is flower girl. Eric says that Jordan stole Karens ring which is in his nose. The ring is actually in Erics shoe. Uh yeah.
Jeff Jarrett is in the bathroom getting ready and they have a ten foot tall wedding cake. Flair comes in to talk about the honeymoon. Jeff has a big honeymoon plan and theyre going to Orlando to take the family to the Harry Potter park. I want to go! Flair says hes an idiot.
Kurt is taping his fists and his son leaves with a production guy. The wedding is next.
Back with Hogan talking on the phone to someone in Paris. I think its the network people. Yeah it is as Hogan is complaining about not knowing the opponent as he wants Anderson. Hogan says he doesnt like the idea of surprises = ratings. He agrees to whatever the network guy says and hangs up, clearly annoyed.
Time for the wedding. Eric Young is the ring bearer and Orlando Jordan is the flower girl. Jeff comes out thankfully not to his theme music. Tazz keeps calling Karen by the name Karen Angle. And of course heres Kurt and the brawl is on. Jeff almost goes into the definitely not ten foot cake. Kurt hits a clothesline and heres Karen. She slaps Kurt and goes into the cake. Angles music plays it out. This whole thing might have lasted two and a half minutes.
Hogan is in the back with Jeff Hardy and Hogan says no more ladder matches. Thats something they can control. What they cant control is that Jeff is labeled as a fighting champion and he has to fight tonight. Jeff doesnt like not knowing his opponent. Hogan blames the ratings for the problem. He says Jeff is like a son to him and gives him a pep talk. Jeff says hell do it and we go to a break.
The Jarretts are all pissed off and yell at Flair and Bischoff. Even Flair is scared of her. Eric says the wedding will still take place while Karen screams. Hogan pops up and asks if Eric knows whos coming from the Network but they might have an idea. They dont say a name though. Flair is sent to take care of the wedding thing.
Rob Terry vs. Scott Steiner
Oh this could be bad. During Terrys entrance we get a clip of him jumping Steiner last week during the posedown. Scott dominates to start and sends Terry to the floor. Steiner goes into the post with both his face and his back. Powerslam by Terry gets two. Steiner gets a boot up and a belly to belly to set up a Downward Spiral. Steiner Line puts him down again. Theres the elbow and the pushups. Angle Slam from the middle rope sets up the Recliner and its over at 3:15.
Flair and Bart Scott go up to Angle in the locker room and apparently Bart is going to be the enforcer for the wedding.
Some MMA guy (I dont follow MMA so I only vaguely know what Bellator is) is here for commentary on this match.
Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan
Hernandez jumps him quickly but Morgan takes him down. The MMA guy has energy if nothing else. I dont have a problem with guest commentators that arent wrestling guys as long as they sound like they want to be there, which he does. Hernandez tries to leave so Morgan grabs him and brings him back in.
Hernandez blocks a side slam and tries the shirt throw. Morgan blocks and Hernandez goes flying. That looked great. Hernandez takes a clothesline to take him to the floor. Out to the floor and Hernandez suckers him into the stairs to take over. Morgan gets rammed in again and again and Hebner throws it out at 4:30 for the longest match of the night so far.
Hogan more or less cuts a promo on some guy on the phone, demanding to know the opponent. Anderson comes in and is told he doesnt get his shot again. Hogan is upset about not knowing what happens to Immortal after this. Anderson doesnt seem to care. Hogan has to stop to put on a back brace. Thats like the ending to a bad joke. Anderson says Hogan disgusts him now. Hogan says let him know when he slams a 700lb giant. Good line.
Now we get a preview for the new Spike show.
Time for wedding #2. Young it still wedding bearer and Jordan is still flower girl. Jeff doesnt have a coat on this time. Kurt walks Karen down the aisle. Hes smiling and Karen seems to still have cake on her face. Kurt is all happy here and its rather amusing. No Bart Scott in sight. The fans boo at the or forever hold your piece line. They both say I will and all that jazz. The minister asks the fans if theyll support the Jarretts. Take a guess how that goes over.
Now we get to hear CUSTOM vows. Weve had a combined 12 minutes of wrestling and were getting custom vows. Wow indeed. Jeff says hes long winded and would be nervous so he wrote his out. He runs down Kurt the whole time and Kurt just keeps smiling away. Hes looking over Jeffs shoulder and its rather creepy. Karen is the wind beneath his wings.
Karen says Jeff is a real man and the princess is taken care of. Oh and Kurt didnt screw her enough apparently. Jeff completes her. The minister announces them as husband and wife through the power vested in him by the department of motor vehicles. The unintentional comedy is helping here. They actually get through the kissing of the bride, so Kurt busts out an axe and starts hacking the set to pieces, all with that creepy grin on his face. That was kind of awesome.
Bischoff sends out Bart Scott. Yes send your celebrity out to the CRAZY MAN WITH AN AXE! Surprisingly enough they go at it and Kurt grabs the ankle lock and cranks on it. Didnt expect that. Segment went WAY too long but the ending helped it a lot.
Hardy says hes ready.
Some feet get out of a limo. Yeah that hasnt been done recently either.
TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. ???
Ok so this is the announcement thats going to CHANGE WRESTLING FOREVER! Its 11pm and the opponent is ..Sting. HAHA WWE couldnt do it so TNA can. Yes Eric youre very cute. Sting is winning the title tonight isnt he? And Sting is in sequins. Theres red in his paint though so I guess this is a bit different now? He has red sequins on his legs and crotch but points for the actual ring jacket/robe instead of a big trenchcoat.
Taz flat out says this was about where Sting would wind up so yes this is yet again shifting the entire main event around for a shot at WWE. Sting goes right for him and Hardy bails. Back in and Hardy beats Sting down with three shots. COME ON HERO (ten points to whoever knows what Im referencing). Hardy cant get a suplex and theres the Scorpion already but Jeff is on his hands. Sting looks like hes ordering dinner.
A rope is grabbed and we head to the aisle. Suplex by Sting on the ramp as its more or less all Sting here. Sting (of course) misses the splash on the railing and we hit the chinlock back in the ring. That gets him nowhere as Sting thumps his chest and hits the Scorpion Death Drop for two. Whisper in the Wind is crotched and Sting gets another Death Drop from the ropes. Another gets the pin and the title at 6:15 for the longest match of the night by far.
Results
Beer Money b. Gunner/Murphy DWI to Gunner
Velvet Sky b. Sarita DDT
Scott Steiner b. Rob Terry Steiner Recliner
Matt Morgan b. Hernandez via DQ when Hernandez rammed Morgan into the stairs multiple times
Sting b. Jeff Hardy Scorpion Death Drop