Week of 1/17/11 - 1/23/11 (Monday - Thursday)

Discussion in 'The Weekly Wrestling Review' started by klunderbunker, Jan 24, 2011.

  1. klunderbunker

    klunderbunker Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House

    Jan 8, 2007
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    Huge news today as there will now be 40 entrants into the Rumble instead of the traditional 30. I’m not wild on that at all but it could work I guess. I wouldn’t have done it but that’s just me.

    Monday Night Raw
    Date: January 17, 2011
    Location: Verizon Arena, Little Rock, Arkansas
    Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

    With today’s news that there will now be 40 entrants into the Rumble, I’d expect to see more people talking about their supposed chance to win and move on to Mania. Also tonight the announced main event is John Cena vs. CM Punk which I’d bet a high amount on there being a screwy ending for. Other than that there isn’t anything announced. Hopefully Raw keeps its streak of pretty good shows going. Let’s get to it.

    We open with a video of Martin Luther King and his I Have A Dream speech (for any non-Americans that may be confused by this, today is Martin Luther King Day in America).

    Here’s Cena to open the show with a salute. I guess he’s on leave from whatever branch of the military he’s supposed to be in. We get a quick video of three weeks ago when Nexus beat up Cena and allegedly hurt his hip. This is Cena’s first (televised) appearance in a WWE ring in 2011. He has some new year’s resolutions. First is to take care of the psychopath CM Punk. Second is to read something that I couldn’t make out what he said. Third is to win the Rumble and fourth is to win the WWE Championship at Mania.

    Cena says that Punk is first so if he wants some, come get some. Instead he gets Miz who along with Riley are straight up rocking some suits. Miz says that he’s the most must see champion in company history while Cena is played out. The champion confirms the 40 man aspect of the Rumble. He says that whoever wins the Rumble, they shouldn’t come after him because if they do they’ll suffer the same fate as Orton will in two weeks.

    This draws a golf clap and an overly dramatic repetition of the phrase “You will lose” ala Ivan Drago. As if on cue, Cena does a Rocky impression and says if they can change then everybody can change. He points out that if not for Cole then Lawler would be champion and if not for Riley then Orton would be. Cena says that they’re like a more feminine version of the Kardashians.

    The only battle that The Miz has is with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which means his body makes poop noises. “It’s PG folks, I’m doing the best I can.” Well at least he acknowledges it. Cena talks about how Miz is afraid to fight. Miz objects and says there is no doubt that he can outwrestle the greatest technicians in WWE history. He can beat Kurt Angle? Miz sets for his catchphrase but instead says he will finish that sentence when he destroys Randy Orton.

    Miz is getting booed out of the building here. But I thought the internet decided he was a failure the second he won the title! HOW CAN THIS BE??? Cena says if Miz is champion let’s see him do something to prove it and gets ready to fight. Here comes Punk and Nexus, which is now the New Nexus. Wow that name sucks. It’s Punk, Otunga, Harris and McGillicutty here.

    Punk says the odds are against Cena for the Rumble, partially because all of Nexus is in the Rumble too. The only purpose of the New Nexus being in the Rumble is to get Punk the win. I like the whole just flat out saying it’s all about Punk. Why lie about it? Nexus minus Punk comes to the ring and Cena is in trouble. It’s….Santino and Kozlov out for the save??? Nexus retreats and Punk says let’s try it with these odds and all four come to the ring.

    E-Mail stops that though. Miz and Riley have bailed by the way. The GM wants to know the odds of Punk winning if Nexus is barred from ringside. If any Nexus member is involved they’re out of the Rumble. That announcement takes us to a break. Tag titles up next.

    Also Ziggler vs. Orton tonight. They’re really pushing Dolph strong and I like it.

    Tag Titles: Usos vs. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov

    We get big match intros for both teams but both were in the ring when we started. Impressive what something like that can do for a match. Santino and I think Jey start us off and Santino is in trouble early. This was the match that was supposed to happen last week but Nexus beat down the champions. Nice to see them tie up a tiny loose end like that for a change.

    Basic formula match so far with Santino getting beaten down for a bit before he makes the lukewarm tag to the Russian dude. He destroys the guy that we’ll call Jimmy (does it really matter though?). Apparently it was Jimmy who is covered after a headbutt for two. Jey is sent to the floor and in comes Santino. Cobra ends Jimmy at 2:33. Short and not bad but not enough for a regular rating. Tamina has nice legs surprisingly enough.

    Nexus minus Punk is bickering in the back and say they need to do something. Punk appears with a downright creepy smile on his face. He looks at all of them (complete with the bad looking eye from the incident at a house show over the weekend) and doesn’t seem upset at all about having to be alone tonight.

    Morrison walks up to Bryan who has both very good looking Bellas with him and shakes his head. They go at it next.

    John Morrison vs. Daniel Bryan

    Nice pop for Morrison. During Morrison entrance we get a highlight package of his best stuff and his high spots really are rather impressive. Bellas looking incredible in cut off t-shirts and tight black pants. They do some nice counters for a wristlock and arm work to start us off. Bryan gets a suplex/takeover to get control.

    Nice to see guys that are young and considered midcarders only getting a chance like this. They both hit the floor for a second and it’s a standoff back in the ring as we take a break. Back with Morrison holding a headlock on Bryan. Russian legsweep and Morrison sets for Starship Pain. It would have been on target but Bryan moved. Morrison is now the Prince of Parkour according to Cole.

    A big kick to the head gets two for Bryan and the fans pop for the kickout. Both try cross bodies and they crash sending both of them down. They slug it out and neither guy can take over. Morrison counters a German and it’s an pld school pinfall reversal sequence. Morrison counters but his counter is counteres almost into the LeBell Lock. Morrison counters and gets a slingshot into the corner. Flash Kick takes Bryan down and there’s the running knee for the clean pin at 7:25. Very fun match.

    They shake hands post match and it’s a nice sign of respect. It’s also a Shameful Thing as here’s King Sheamus. He says he made Morrison and can destroy both him and Bryan. All three are going to be in the Rumble and Sheamus says he’s going to eliminate both of them. LONG LIVE THE KING!

    Stand Up For WWE won some Mashable Awards for best campaign or something like that.

    The Bellas lust over Morrison but both are trying to be Daniel Bryan’s first. They make a bet about it of some sort. NOT PG!!! NOT PG!!! THAT IS NOT PG!!! I can’t handle this! I suddenly want to commit sins and ruin my entire life! HOW DO I HANDLE THIS????? This was kind of a heelish promo and implies they’re playing Bryan for a fool.

    Here’s Vickie to introduce Ziggler. Great heat on her to say the least.

    Dolph Ziggler vs. Randy Orton

    Orton gets a big reaction from this white hot crowd. We take a break and the bell is next. Back with Ziggler taking Orton into the corner and pounding him down to start. Orton with a Thesz Press and right hands as they’re not even trying to hide the Austin stuff anymore. It’s down to the chinlock now with Orton firmly in control to start us off. Ziggler fights back a bit but the power of the Viper is too much and the beating continues.

    Dolph gets Orton down and hooks onto the leg. Big old RKO chant as this crowd is impressive. Orton fights him off again and unleashes the clothesline. The powerslam (read a damn book Cole) puts Ziggler on the apron for the elevated DDT. It’s patented apparently. I want to see the paperwork. Dolph gets out of it though by moving his legs and drills Orton in his injured leg.

    Fameasser gets two. Ziggler gets the sleeper on but Orton is a main event face so he’s immune to it. When’s the last time that move won a match? Zig Zag is countered once and then the second is countered into what was allegedly an RKO but it looked more like Ziggler just landed on Orton’s chest. Either way it gets the pin at 8:30.

    Post match and I mean almost as soon as the bell rings here are Miz and Riley for the beatdown. They go after the knee and take out Lawler who tries for the save. Nice to see an announcer actually try to do something for once. Orton’s back is rammed into the post and Miz gets in some more stomps.

    Miz says pick him up because they’re not done yet. They throw Orton into the barricade which more or less explodes. They really should look into that. You can hear the director saying to keep the camera on Miz. Miz grabs a mic and does the catchphrase in the unconscious face of Orton. Cool beatdown and makes Miz look intense.

    In the back Punk is talking to the Nexus about faith. He gets almost into a sermon about how to gain what you want you have to sacrifice. I have no idea what he’s talking about with his stuff about manbeasts and all that jazz. They bow their heads and that’s all there is to it. Ok then.

    Maryse vs. Natalya

    Cole has Eve and Melina on commentary with him here. Melina can’t answer what her issue is with Natalya. She’s been #1 contender for what, a month now? Natalya gets her down and Melina still won’t talk. Eve doesn’t seem to like Cole which is kind of funny. Maryse has apparently been giving the other Divas beauty tips. Sharpshooter ends this in 1:40. Total nothing match.

    Post match Maryse GOES OFF on Cole and Eve shoves her and leaves. Maryse keeps going off on him until DiBiase comes out. She shouts at him too and calls him a loser that can’t win the Rumble. He grabs a mic and asks the crowd if he can. He says he’ll throw anyone over the top right now and he issues an over the top rope challenge as we take a break.

    Back and naturally Mark Henry takes the challenge.

    Is anyone surprised it’s Henry? Remember it’s an over the top challenge. And it’s over in 30 seconds with Henry winning. Tatsu, Kidd and Regal all run out. I’m not calling this an official match. Every jobber on the roster runs out and it’s turning into kind of a battle royal. Young, Primo, David Hart-Smith and even R-Truth is out there. Truth is by far the biggest name in this. Ryder out there too.

    Henry holds up Ryder and here’s Sheamus. Henry throws him over but he holds on. Lawler is back on commentary. Henry throws him out. Cole was calling this like an actual match once everyone ran in. Henry’s music plays and here comes Alberto! He’s in a suit and is cutting a promo about how this is his destiny to go on to the biggest show of them all and all that jazz. Henry goes after him and Del Rip winks at him to end this. Not calling a 30 second toss over the top thing a match. Fun segment though.

    Back with Derrick Bateman doing something like an informercial for World’s Strongest Man’s cologne. It’s made from Henry’s sweat apparently. Bateman sprays some of it and looks like he’s getting sick. A voiceover gives a bunch of health warnings over it. I have no idea what the point of this was at all.

    We get the Rumble numbers package which I always love.

    40 participants
    24 winners
    656 entrants
    39 eliminations for Shawn, a record
    26 Hall of Famers in the match
    183,932 pounds in total, equal to 409 Big Shows
    2 women in the Rumble, including Beth who eliminated Khali
    11 eliminations by Kane in one Rumble
    62:12 is Rey’s record for length in the Rumble which is a lie if you believe the 92 Rumble’s commentary
    1 second is the record for fastest time for an elimination
    3 is the most wins by a single man, in this case Austin
    1 is the worst number but it has produced the most winners as the #30 spot (Shawn and a guy not listed who would be Benoit)
    70 which is the percent of winners that have won the title at Mania

    Music video about the Rumble follows.

    We talk about the Rumble and also are told that next week it’s Edge vs. Miz. Amazing what happens to the ratings when you announce main events a week in advance: more people seem to watch.

    Cena vs. Punk next. Cena is coming to the ring and steals a phone (which looks like it’s from the early 90s) and says the guy will call him back and hangs up. Ok then.

    CM Punk vs. John Cena

    Nexus comes out with Punk but walks back after Punk’s entrance. They stare each other down to start and the fight is on. Cena gets the bulldog and hammers away. Punk is reeling early on. Cena dominates for awhile until Cena ducks his head and Punk gets a HARD kick to the shoulder. Baseball slide puts Cena on the floor as we take a break.

    Back with Cena in a modified triangle choke (I know nothing about MMA so that could be entirely wrong). He fights up but gets caught in a DDT and back to the same hold. Cena gets up again and starts his ending sequence. Punk gets a leg lariat to stop him though and gets the corner clothesline and bulldog for two.

    Attempt at the GTS but Cena grabs the leg and goes into the STF. Cole looks like he’s giving head to the table while he’s shouting so much. Punk grabs the rope and both men are down. FU is blocked and Punk gets his springboard clothesline for two. Punk gets a Downward Spiral and stays on the mat to pull his leg around the throat of Cena in a choke which is called the Anaconda Vice, which it definitely isn’t. After a close call he gets the rope.

    A big boot puts Cena on the floor. Punk tries a tope but Cena catches him in mid air and rams him into the post. Cena looks to fly but Punk catches him with a right hand. Punk tries a suplex but Cena shoves him off. The top rope legdrop gets two and here comes….some very large man. He looks like Batista to the point where I’d believe they were related.

    The guy stares down Punk in the ring and Punk smiles. WWE security is awful by the way. I think this might be Mason Ryan, the FCW dude. Punk holds his arms up in a cross and lets the guy kick him in the head for the DQ at approximately 15:00. He hits Cena with a modified Rock Bottom as Nexus runs out to defend Punk but he says step aside. The big guy takes a knee to Punk and does the salute. Punk takes a Nexus band off his ankle or out of his shoe and puts it on the guy, making him the newest member.

    They do the salute and AGAIN we hear the director saying where to keep the camera. A shot of them ends the show.

    Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov b. The Usos – Cobra to Jey
    John Morrison b. Daniel Bryan – Running knee to the head
    Randy Orton b. Dolph Ziggler – RKO
    Natalya b. Maryse – Sharpshooter
    CM Punk b. John Cena via DQ when a man interfered


    Smackdown got a 1.9, the same as last week which is good because this week there wasn’t a major match to get people to watch.

    Randy Savage is promoting his appearance in the new WWE All-Stars game. Cool

    Date: January 18, 2011
    Location: BOK Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
    Commentators: Todd Grisham, Josh Matthews

    It’s elimination week and it’s breaking loose in Tulsa! Sorry I always wanted to say that. No I didn’t actually but it sounded good and I have nothing to fill in this introduction with. I’d assume Rat Boy goes home tonight because Brodus is awesome, Bateman got a segment on Raw last night, Saxton is kind of funny and the company has decided that this Johnny Curtis guy is awesome or something because he’s as bland as anyone has been in decades so he’s THE guy this season. Anyway let’s get to it.

    Sadly enough I had to look on Wiki for the names of everyone in this season. That’s how unmemorable they’ve been.

    We recap the season so far which isn’t anything special. Somehow the double date from last week is the highlight I think. We also see Novak getting sent home. I’ve been watching and reviewing the first season of this show recently, and this isn’t holding up to put it mildly.

    Striker brings out the rookies as is his custom. My boredom is sinking in slowly this week. As is my anger due to a bad connection to watch this show. Since it’s finally elimination week, WE NEED TO HAVE ANOTHER CHALLENGE! Sweet damn just throw the guys out already! Bateman is the only one with points and the winner gets four points, meaning that the lead he has IS TOTALLY POINTLESS. Yeah I’m in a bad mood tonight if you can’t tell.

    This is How Well Do You Know Your Pro. A question is asked and you have to match it up. The first is “When I first saw my rookie, I thought he was “blank””. Curtis thinks Truth said impressive but he said cool. Saxton thinks Dolph said….hang on we have to wait for the booing for Dolph’s name. Saxton says tan, Dolph says Carlton from Fresh Prince! Ok that made me feel better.

    Bryan gets a pop for his answer. Bateman says Bryan thought of Tulsa, Oklahoma…AND HE’S RIGHT??? Only on this season. O’Brian says strange, Alberto says raw. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? He’s said the same damn thing THE ENTIRE SHOW and now he changes it up? Wow I want his bludgeoned. Striker says he’d see Rat Boy at the hotel that night. O…..k then. Brodus says large, DiBiase says out of shape. One point for Bateman and everyone else loses.

    Next question is what other profession would you have after wrestling/if you weren’t in wrestling. Saxton says singer, Ziggler says anchor for Lifetime. Bateman says Steve Blackman…AND HE’S RIGHT AGAIN! Ok this is getting funny. O’Brian says circus worker, Alberto says his employee. Nice job of keeping character there. Brodus and DiBiase both say bodyguard. Curtis is forgotten and I laugh a lot. Curtis says commentator, Truth says actor/dancer. It’s 2 for Bateman, 1 for Clay, 0 for everyone else.

    Topic three is biggest area of improvement. Brodus and DiBiase agree on listening. O’Brian says listening, Del Rio says looks. Bateman says chicks and America and they’re 3-3. This is cracking me up for some reason. Dolph thinks it’s rigged. Striker: YOU THINK? Saxton says being more like Dolph, Ziggler says more Dream Journal entries. Curtis says getting noticed, Truth says confidence. Bateman is Immune and I need to breathe from laughing at that. It was stupid as hell but that was the point.

    Byron Saxton vs. Chris Masters

    We get a clip of Masters and Saxton talking earlier in the day. Masters says he didn’t teach him everything he knew. Ziggler is in a hat which is a weird look for him. If he ever goes insane and bails it can be used as a talking point on a DVD that buries him. Masters overpowers him to start as you would expect. Ziggler gets in Masters’ face to give Saxton the advantage.

    Saxton gets a jawbreaker of some kind for two. Saxton gets some basic offense in and Ziggler shouts in “STAY DOWN MASTERS BECAUSE YOU REALLY SUCK!” I don’t know if it’s my low expectations for this show but it’s cracking me up tonight. Masters gets a shot to break the momentum and here he comes (to save the day! Save the day!) Saxton is being all aggressive here but charges one too many times and the Masterlock ends it at 4:40. Ziggler shakes the ropes like the Warrior, furthering my theory.

    Brodus comes into DiBiase’s locker room and goes off on him about costing him so much stuff. DiBiase says shut up and listen. Brodus says he will and leaves. Maryse says something in French to tick DiBiase off.

    Ted DiBiase/Brodus Clay vs. Derrick Bateman/Daniel Bryan

    Maryse has been texting all night. I doubt that’ll mean much but whatever. Josh says neither Bateman or Bryan has ever won a match on NXT. Is that true? I can’t think of a win for Bryan off the top of my head. I think the winner here is pretty clear. Oh wait this is a tag match! Ok that makes more sense now. Todd: What would the tag team championships look like around Bateman and Bryan’s waists? Josh: They would look like two belts around their waists. Nice line.

    Bryan plays Ricky Morton for a bit here as both guys get two. We talk about the Rumble almost non-stop here and Josh says he’ll make his prediction next week. Todd says that’ll get them a good rating. Are they competing with reruns of the Dirt Sheet? Josh points out there are no ratings and Todd has nothing. Nerve hold by Clay and Dolph grabs a mic and shouts TAP OUT!

    Brodus gets the Tongan Death Grip but DiBiase tags himself in. Bryan manages to get the tag and Bateman cleans some rooms. DiBiase gets Bateman down and wants to tag out. Clay is like screw you dude and drops to the floor. Naturally Bateman gets a rollup on DiBiase for the pin at 4:35

    O’Brian finds some cheese on the floor and eats it. And there’s a trail of it too. Oh sweet damn I hate this guy. At the end is Ricardo with some kind of spray. Alberto comes in and is very ticked off. He apparently has match making power and makes Ricardo vs. O’Brian tonight. It was rat spray. This is really happening people.

    Raw ReBound talks about a shift in power. Wait a minute. Punk hurt Cena, Cena talked, Nexus beat down Cena again. When did the power shift away from Nexus and Punk?

    Curtis is nervous and Truth says relax. Pointless doesn’t begin to describe this.

    Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Conor O’Brian

    Ricardo is in a bath robe and trips getting into the ring. He does his own entrance which is kind of funny. Ricardo is in big black trunks and is a little chubby. Ladies and gentlemen we are in a comedy match. It’s weird to see O’Brian being the best wrestler in a match. Buckle is pulled off and it’s all O’Brian.

    You know that rat spray going into his eyes seems to be agreeing with him. O’Brian goes into the buckle head first, Rodriguez gets a “splash” and pins him at 1:45. Sweet damnation I have seen it all now. You know except for Trish Stratus catching trains that fall out of orangutan’s asses when they’re stealing apples from a Persian fruit vender on Mars but I think you get the point. No rating due to the time.

    Elimination time and Striker has to repeat some stuff due to technical difficulties. I’d assume they couldn’t hear him in the arena because we could. Bateman is immune and says Saxton should be gone. Rat Boy is gone!!! Thank goodness. He tries to say goodbye but Ricardo cuts him off. The Rat Boy chases him off. Conor comes back and says they all suck. He crawls under the ring for no apparent reason.

    Derrick Bateman won the Know Your Pro Challenge
    Chris Masters b. Byron Saxton – Masterlock
    Derrick Bateman/Daniel Bryan b. Ted DiBiase/Brodus Clay – Bateman pinned DiBiase with a rollup
    Ricardo Rodriguez b. Conor O’Brian – Splash
    Conor O’Brian was eliminated in 5th place


    Raw got a 3.3, which is a good sign as they had no major competition and their rating went up.

    Mania 28 will be in Toronto which was expected.


    Jeff Hardy was in court today and the expected guilty plea didn’t go down. He’s back in court next month.

    Date: January 20, 2011
    Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
    Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz
    Episode Title: Dirty Laundry

    We’re now two weeks away from February 3 which is of course a big deal because I turn 23! Clearly that’s why the show is a big deal right? Oh and Hogan and THEY will be there. There’s talk of a title match there too. Maybe it’s not because of my birthday after all. Anyway now that I’ve filled in the intro space, I’m rather excited about tonight’s show as I found last week’s good as I’ve found the last few weeks. Let’s get to it.

    We open with a recap of Angle/the Jarretts from last week. I still don’t get why Karen wanted to wait until this week instead of just saying what she has to say last week.

    Angle gets here and walks past the production area, demanding his music be played right now. If I’m not mistaken, Jimmy Hart was there working on the production team. Awesome indeed. Angle hits the arena and says that this is about him and Jeff, not him and Karen. He talks about how Karen was always around Jarrett and she said it was always business.

    Then a few months ago Jeff started talking about it all the time and rubbing it in Kurt’s face. Big old nastycut on Kurt’s head. The salt and pepper beard works on him. He starts crying as he talks about how he was a good husband and father. Kurt talks about how the only thing he’s guilty of is not being around enough but that was because he wanted his family to have everything they deserved.

    Kurt says he and Karen can either bury the hatchet for the sake of their kids or on the other hand if she doesn’t let it go, he’ll pull out every skeleton in her closet. Jarrett’s music hits and here comes Team Jarrett. You know, because they’ve had SO much success against him before. None of them can even get in the ring as Kurt knocks them all down while they’re on the apron.

    Here are Bischoff and Flair, the real stars of the show. They bring out five or six cops to arrest Kurt. For once this makes sense as he’s not an active wrestler so why should he be in there? Jeff and Karen aren’t here yet as we take a break.

    The Jarretts get here and are sad about Kurt being gone.

    Sarita vs. Velvet Sky vs. Mickie James vs. Madison Rayne

    This is non-title I guess. Madison has the left hand gloved again. Velvet and Mickie argue over what pairing to start with so they start instead. Wait you have to tag? Mickie and Madison start for a bit but Sarita replaces Madison very quickly. Nice nip-up by Mickie but Velvet tags herself in. This tagging thing is kind of awkward as it looks like a tag match.

    Velvet gets a nice headscissors on Sarita but Madison comes in to beat her down. It turns into a de facto tag match as Mickie and Madison work together. Nice arm drag out of a wheelbarrow by Velvet to Sarita. Mickie and Sarita are left in the ring and mickie goes up. Tara pops up to blast Mickie with the arm brace. Sarita and Velvet smack heads and Madison loads up the glove. She hits Velvet and Mickie rolls up Madison for the pin at 4:30.

    Beer Money says they’re ready for Anderson and RVD tonight.

    Angle is still walking around in the back like nothing ever happened to him.

    Back and Joe is sending Okada (guy that signed from I think NJPW a good while ago and has only been on Xplosion to this point I think) out as his spy on Pope. If I’m not mistaken (and I very well may be) he was dressed like Kato from Green Hornet. I wouldn’t have known who he was if not for Taz.

    Matt Morgan vs. Rob Terry

    Before this starts Flair says there isn’t a woman in the place that could last with Terry, not even all three of the good looking women in the front row. Carbon Footprint ends this in 7 seconds. Was there ANY point to this? Flair goes after Morgan post match and can’t hurt him at all. Abyss comes out and beats down Morgan a bit but Morgan fights off all three guys with ease.

    Morgan yells at Flair and gets beaten….never mind as he beats down the enforcer and the TV Champion on his own. They try to take him down a third time and FINALLY they get him down with a chop block. A double chokeslam ends Morgan and Immortal stands tall.

    Mike and Taz welcome us to the show, 35 minutes in. They talk about the January 4th Tokyo Dome show and we get some clips of it.

    Hardy vs. Dreamer later. Wow he still has a job? You pick which I mean by that.

    Kaz and AJ talk about Bischoff and praise Fourtune. Kaz leaves and Crimson chokes down AJ and says that THEY are coming again.

    Back and Angle is still wandering around. Does no one watch these feeds?

    X-Division Title: Jay Lethal vs. Kazarian

    So on Lethal’s business card does it say X-Division challenger? Lethal jumps him and it’s on early. Lethal gets his cartwheel into seated dropkick spot and Kaz tries to leave. Jay will have none of that though and the fight is on the floor. The Jarrett segment will be next. Kaz is thrown back in the ring and Lethal takes him down with a springboard missile dropkick for two.

    Lethal Injection is blocked and Kaz fires off a nice three-kick combination. Handspring elbow takes down Kaz and the Lethal Combination does the same. Another nip-up tonight as Lethal pulls one off. He points to the wrong corner and then goes up for the elbow. After taking long enough to write a short novel he connects anyway.

    Kaz rolls out to the floor and appears to be out cold. Jay gets him back in but Kaz rakes his eyes. It doesn't seem to do much as Lethal gets a sunset flip but Kaz grabs the ropes for leverage to get the pin at 4:35. The idea here again is that Jackson James, the referee, missed it again. This is despite the fact that you can see he couldn't see it from the perfect angle he was in.

    RVD, Anderson and Dreamer talk about how they all want Hardy but only Dreamer got him. They exchange each others' nicknames and that's pretty much it.

    The Jarretts are up next.

    Kurt sneaks back into the arena. Good thing there was a camera right there to catch it.

    Here are Karen and Jeff. Jeff talks about how awesome she is and she does look great tonight. The fans chant sloppy seconds. Karen is a victim here, a victim of Kurt Angle. She points out that since Jeff is part owner of the company, she is too (not said but heavily implied). Her voice is somehow more annoying than Vickie’s. She says let’s go back to 1997 when Kurt was a lost little puppy.

    Kurt pops up behind then and hits Jeff with a German. Karen tries to take her shoe off but Kurt stops her. They have a staredown and she slaps him. Jeff gets a low blow to Kurt and the fans finally wake up a bit. He hammers Kurt and tries to open up that cut on his head. No such luck it seems but Kurt is left almost in the fetal position on the mat as the Jarretts leave and we take a break.

    Eliminate the hate, as told to you by a group of men and women that solve their problems with their fists and say mean things about how they’re going to hurt each other.

    In the back Angle destroys a bunch of stuff. Again, if the police took him out earlier, why in the world aren’t they doing so now?

    Tommy Dreamer vs. Jeff Hardy

    I have a great new drinking game for you: every time TNA cuts to a different camera angle, take a shot. I’ve counted eleven in the first 40 seconds of this match. Dreamer takes it to the floor early and controls. We get an ad for the world title match on February 3rd. Gee wouldn’t it be great if that had been the first title match instead of throwing it on the end of a PPV completely unadvertised? Hardy whips Dreamer off the apron and takes over.

    Dreamer’s wrist may not be at 100% still. Jeff hammers away for a bit but here comes Tommy. It’s a good thing I didn’t play my own drinking game or I’d be dead from alcohol poisoning already. Dreamer goes to the middle rope but jumps into the Twist. Dreamer reverses into the Dreamer Driver (thank goodness it’s not that stupid Spicolli name) which gets two. And there’s the Twist of Hate to end it at 4:18. It’s as abrupt as it sounds. Oh apparently he pushed the ropes into Tommy’s balls.

    Angle now has a baseball bat. What is this, his 6th time on camera tonight?

    Back and Pope is talking to someone about just getting back. He goes into an office and talks to a guy on a computer about some overseas transactions. Apparently he doesn’t notice the camera guy looking into the room with a camera despite looking at the door. He calls the guy’s phone which the camera picks up and steals the laptop. So Pope is like a crime boss now or something?

    AJ is talking to Flair about how THEY are coming and Flair says THEY are here and he is God. Flair ices AJ and he’s pissed as hell about it. The alcohol burns his throat and he has to stop. Kurt drills him with the bat and comes after Flair with it. He chokes Flair down and says have Jarrett in the Impact Zone or he’s coming after Flair next.

    So Kurt opened the show, was shown in the back three times, had an in ring segment, had another two backstage moments, jumped Flair and is going to close the show. You think that’s enough for a guy that isn’t a wrestler?

    Beer Money vs. Rob Van Dam/Mr. Anderson

    Non-Title here again. Anderson does his thing pre-match. Beer Money hits the floor and we take a break before the bell. Roode and Van Dam start us off. Standing moonsault gets two. Off to Storm and Anderson with the champion dominating. We get the fake tag with Storm slapping his hands together so Roode can come in and the referee is fine with it. If this referee is supposed to be awful, why would he keep getting main event refereeing assignments?

    Back over to Storm who works Anderson over a bit. Hey we broke four and a half minutes for the first time tonight! On the crawl for house shows, they’re holding a show on the night of their big show, February 3rd. Doesn’t that seem a little counteractive? Anderson can’t get the Mic Check but can get a DDT to bring in Van Dam. Storm is tagged in as well.

    RVD takes out both champions with ease and it’s not quite Rolling Thunder as Roode makes the save. Storm gets a Backstabber for two. Anderson comes in and everyone is in at once. Scratch that as Anderson and Roode go outside. RVD heads up and it’s a Five Star for Storm. Jeff hardy comes out to distract the referee though and there’s no cover. Matt Hardy, looking like a damn homeless man, comes in with a Twist of Hate so that Storm can get the pin at 8:10.

    Kendrick tries to calm down Ray (after almost getting killed for calling him Brother instead of Bully) with some breathing techniques. He slams Kendrick into a locker in the textbook definition of a pointless segment.

    Flair and Bischoff send Jarrett to the ring with Eric saying he’s got this.

    Here’s D-Von. Yes, this is the second to last segment on the show: D-Von Dudley yelling at Bubba. Ray comes out and stands on the ramp. Kendrick runs down the ramp and sends Bubba into the ring. Bubba pulls out a chain but D-Von beats him to the punch. D-Von gets the chain and security stops him. Bubba beats up security after knocking down D-Von. He puts a chair around the head of D-Von and swings the chain down onto it to leave D-Von laying.

    Kurt is up next.

    Back with Angle in the ring for the third time tonight. Here comes Jeff in his gear along with Gunner and Murphy. Wow he got changed quickly. The goons hit the ring and Kurt beats on them for the 9000th time. Why can’t a body guard ever be successful in their defense of someone? They slow him down a bit so I guess they did their job. Jarrett comes in and it’s a 3-1 beatdown.

    And so much for that as Angle takes down both guards and Jeff. Kurt slaps on a choke and Karen runs out. Kaz and Fourtune/Immortal come in for the save. No Abyss for some reason. AJ throws a single punch and that’s about all he’s able to do on his bad leg. Here’s Abyss coming down the ramp with his arms open. He hits his knees and Janice is stuck in his back! Crimson comes out and stands over him, saying THEY are coming. Angle clears the ring and grabs a quick ankle lock on Flair to end the show.

    Mickie James b. Sarita, Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky – Rollup to Rayne
    Matt Morgan b. Rob Terry – Carbon Footprint
    Kazarian b. Jay Lethal – Cradle
    Jeff Hardy b. Tommy Dreamer – Twist of Hate
    Beer Money b. Rob Van Dam/Mr. Anderson – Storm pinned Van Dam after a Twist of Hate from Matt Hardy

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