klunderbunker
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Starrcade 1984
Date: November 22, 1984
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Attendance: 18,000
Commentators: Gordon Solie, Bob Caudle
This is back in the day of when Starrcade was the biggest show in the world as Mania hadnt been invented yet. This is almost a convention of the NWA rather than a major show for one company if that makes sense. The main event is Dusty vs. Flair for the title where if Flair wins he gets a million dollars. Other than that this is one of the most forgotten shows ever as I know next to nothing about it at all. Lets get to it.
We open with a clip of Flair winning the title last year. Apparently if Dusty wins he gets the title and the money. Flair, a THREE time champion here, is kind of getting shafted on this one isnt he?
We turn the lights out for awhile for no apparent reason.
Junior Heavyweight Title: Mike Davis vs. Denny Brown
Davis has the title and I dont know either of these guys. I think both of these guys are from Florida. Earl Hebner is the referee here. This is the equivalent of the Cruiserweight Title here. Davis is in blue apparently. OConnor Roll is blocked and Brown gets an armbar to control. We get a horrible looking fall through the ropes spots as Brown more or less stops short and has to jump out, making it look terrible.
Davis gets a small package for two. Browns back may be hurt off the fall to the floor. Cross body gets him out of trouble though and both guys are down for awhile. This is one of the least interesting matches I think Ive ever seen. Its not terrible I guess but damn man do SOMETHING to get my attention. Davis gets a belly to back into a bridge and Brown raises his shoulder in time to win the title. Wow indeed.
Rating: D+. WOW this was boring. If this was supposed to get the crowd going, they must have been in a coma beforehand. Even the ring announcer cant tell them apart as theyre so similar. This was like a match you would see between two guys training to be jobbers. Totally uninteresting and one of the weakest openers I can ever remember. Not a terrible match from a workrate perspective, but could not have been less interesting.
Tony is in the dressing room. He isnt talking to anyone or anything, but hes in the dressing room damnit!
Bryan Adidis vs. Mr. Ito
Ito is a random Japanese guy and Adidis is only known for hanging out in Texas with the Von Erichs. Ito is rather fat. Adidis tries to speed things up a bit and gets a few dropkicks. He hooks a long armbar. Ito throws some martial arts shots but walking into the eternally retro Airplane Spin .which gets a three count. HOW WAS THIS FOUR MINUTES LONG? It was almost half armbar!
Rating: F. Why in the holy mother of crap was this on Starrcade? Were almost 20 minutes into this and the blandest match of all time is BY FAR match of the night so far. Adidis never went anywhere and Ive never heard of Ito. Granted Ive never heard of Adidis either. This hasnt been a good start to the show at all.
The announcers actually break this down for over a minute. They were WAY more creative back then.
Florida Heavyweight Title: Jesse Barr vs. Mike Graham
Graham is good at least but outside of Florida he isnt that well known. He gets the biggest reaction of the night so far which isnt saying much to be fair. Barr is most famous as Jimmy Jack Funk in 80s WWF. Barr was apparently almost an Olympic wrestler but didnt go so here he is instead. They hit the mat almost immediately and were in a chinlock two minutes into the match.
Both have curly hair and are in blue. Could you make this any more difficult to figure out? The Florida Title was actually a fairly big deal as Florida was one of the biggest territories back in the day. Graham gets a knee lock on Barr but cant get the Figure Four. Test of Strength goes to Barr but Graham does the deadly foot tap to get back into this.
Graham gets an armbar as this is again technically fine but dude, it isnt going anywhere at all. Barr gets a headlock to kill some time. I mean he kills a LOT of time with it. Why are we getting a headlock ten minutes into a match? After maybe three minutes in it Graham gets a knee crusher to reverse and hooks the Figure Four. There goes the referee as Graham gets a small package. And never mind as Barr gets a rollup and puts his feet on the ropes to retain.
Rating: D+. Again its not a particularly bad match, but it wasnt interesting at all. Theres no story, no reason to care, the wrestling isnt anything special in the slightest, and all that adds up to a bit bunch of nothing. The whole lack of angles or anything like that or even heat on each other is killing everything on this show.
We get a clip from NWA TV where JJ Dillons guys plus Tully Blanchard hog tied Dick Slater and beat up Ricky Steamboat. HOKEY SMOKE ITS A STORY! Steamboat has put up $10,000 for a match vs. Blanchard tonight and is also getting a shot at the TV Title.
The Assassin/Buzz Tyler vs. Zambuie Express
The Express are shall we say ethnic guys in an African sense. Tyler dances a lot and Assassin is in a mask. This is under elimination rules for no apparent reason. Wait how can it be one fall if you need two falls to win? This place needs Scott Steiner to give it math lessons. You dont have to tag here and the big fat black guys are rushed out of the ring. Theyre all big and fat so I need to keep them separate.
The good guys want a piece of the Express manager, Paul Jones. That man may be as useless as any manager of all time. The camera keeps going to this annoying wide shot and its kind of odd to see. The heels beat on Tyler for awhile with the power of fat as the crowd is surprisingly into this one.
This is as big of a mess as Ive ever seen. The fat guys run into each other and Assassin gets the pin on Mohammed to get us down to two on one. Solid keeps saying Mohammed got counted out instead of pinned which is hard to get used to. Wait apparently one got counted out and the other pinned? Ok apparently its over. The fact that I couldnt tell that is not a good thing at all.
Rating: F+. Like I said, when you cant tell that the match is over, something is very wrong indeed. Assassin wanted to hurt Jones. Is it too hard to tell us WHY? They really had faith in their audience here which is something Ive never agreed with. Anyway this went nowhere and was so ridiculously sloppy and mess its unbelievable.
Dusty, looking to weigh about 400lbs, says that tonight we find out who the greatest is.
Brass Knuckles Title: Black Bart vs. Manny Fernandez
Fernandez is challenging here and comes out to Beat It by Michael Jackson which is indeed kind of awesome. Hes challenging here yet he comes out with the belt? The name is exactly what it implies: you can use brass knuckles in it. In essence, its hardcore. OH Fernandez is a tag champion. That makes more sense. Bart had Dillon with him and is a big fat Texas dude.
They start by slugging it out as the announcers try to push this as legit almost which is rather amusing. More or less this is a big slugout. Fernandezs head is busted open a bit. Almost all striking so far which is kind of weird to see. We hit the floor as Manny doesnt get disqualified for throwing Bart over.
Low blow gets Bart out of trouble. This isnt going anywhere at all. All this has been is a big long brawl and not a particularly good one at that. Hey heres an overhead shot for no apparent reason. Since Bart is from Texas he has a bullrope because everyone is a cowboy and everyone wants to be a cowboy right? He gets rolled up for the pin anyway.
Rating: D. Again, WHY WAS THIS MATCH HAPPENING??? I get that theyre having a title match but this was completely dull. It was a physical brawl, but there were no brass knuckles, there was NOTHING but striking until the ending, and the thing was a big mess as it was more or less the same thing for seven and a half minutes and then 5 seconds of a different move. Bad again as this first hour has SUCKED.
Its a seven minute intermission, which is nothing but interviews and highlights from last year.
We begin with Flair winning the title from Race last year. Its just that: the end of the match.
Bob and Gordon talk about the title match.
Steamboat is with Tony and talks about how this has been built up for a long time and his back is pretty messed up at the moment. He talks for like three minutes but doesnt get boring for the most part.
The announcers talk forever about the TV Title match.
Tony talks to Tully and Dillon. Dillon says that Steamboat is trying to smear the good name of Tully. Cant beat a simple heel concept like that. Tully talks about how the lack of a time limit doesnt matter. If he gets disqualified or stalls too much he loses the title as well. Damn how stacked are they making it here? NO WAY he retains right? Yeah keep telling yourself that.
The announcers talk about it some more. Then they talk about the upcoming matches. This show is getting ridiculously stupid quickly.
Paul Jones vs. Jimmy Valiant
This feud would still be going on two years later and it still sucked then. This is a tuxedo street fight. Valiant is ridiculously popular and has an Assassin with him from earlier. Its a bra and panties match but with penises involved. Oh and the loser leaves town. I think I know what this is leading to.
Make this quick please. For the sake of my sanity if nothing else. Valiant, ever the nice guy, grabs a rope from somewhere and ties it around the neck of Jones and around the top rope. Valiant takes off his own jacket and the beating is on. And then as I was completely helpless he slowly began to disrobe me. Piece by piece he continued his control over me, and I began to tremble. Here I was at the mercy of a man from whom I knew I would get receive none at all. It was the most erotic moment of my life.
Jones is in his underwear and for some reason its not over yet. They brawl a bit with Jones all busted up nice and solid. Valiant puts on a sleeper until the Express dude breaks it up. Assassin gets in but so does Dillon with a shoe to drill Valiant .and Jones pins him? THEN WHAT THE HELL WAS THE FUCKING POINT IN RIPPING CLOTHES OFF??? What the fuck am I watching???
Rating: F. As in fucking hell what were the bookers on when they made this show??? This was ridiculous and bad as it was a manager beating a wrestler in a tuxedo match where the tuxedos meant nothing at all??? MAKE FUCKING SENSE DUDE!!!
Tony talks to Flair who says nothing incredibly special. I think he was heel here but he didnt come off as one at all.
Mid-Atlantic Title: Ron Bass vs. Dick Slater
This is kind of like the incredibly inbred semi-aborted and all scarred up grandfather of the WCW Title. The real father is the NWA Title but this is like the drunk cousin for lack of a better term. Dillon is managing Bass since hes managing everyone apparently. Slater goes after said manager almost immediately and only Bass is left in the ring.
Slater was a guy I never could get into for the most part. Bass is a cowboy of course. Both guys say bring it and then the other guy says no you bring it, making this rather boring. Finally were going with a headlock. This, much like the rest of the stuff on this card and from this era, takes a bit to get used to. Thats a kind way of saying its not that good.
The previous years show was great because there were points to a lot of the matches as well as a high quality to them. Here there hasnt been much of either of those things and thats definitely a bad thing indeed as its making this a chore to sit through. Theyre moving a bit better out here this time though which helps a good bit.
Its another brawl which isnt really getting us anywhere as weve seen half a dozen of them so far tonight. Bass is controlling for the most part here until Slater makes a quick comeback. Dillon comes in but is drilled by Slater. The problem is that Slater also hit the referee for the CHEAP DQ.
Rating: C-. This again wasnt much at all but is the match of the night so far by a mile. It probably should be rated lower but Im trying to take pity on this show which is kind of sad when you think about it. Slater was popular here but would fade into obscurity other than a random WCW Tag Title reign in about eleven years. This was barely watchable but like I said theres an energy at least which helps a bit.
And now .the National Anthem? Why is this happening now? I have no idea but it does anyway and at a very slow pace.
Ivan Koloff/Nikita Koloff vs. Ole Anderson/Keith Larson
This is a big grudge match for reasons that I guess were supposed to know. Is it really that hard to say everyone remembers that night in Atlanta a few months ago where Larsons brother was taken out by the Russians (the Atlanta and the time frame are made up but thats the story here). Was there a law against saying a city in Minnesota? Its always from the state of Minnesota. Don Kernoodle, Larsons injured brother, is in the good guys corner.
They go right after the Koloffs and the fight is on early. Lots of fast tags have Ivans arm in trouble early on. Ok apparently it was Ivan that was Kernoodles parter and turned on him. Larson took up the mantle of his brother and is fighting for his honor, having picked Anderson as his partner right? Naturally thats backwards as Anderson had a match with them and picked Larson. Its like a bad sitcom plot.
All Anderson/Larson for the first five minutes or so here. Ivan is all old and Nikita is the young and unstoppable monster. Anderson channels his inner Marciano by punching away at the arm. Its been ALL arm work here. I mean literally, weve been at it for 8 minutes here and at least 7 of that has been them working on Ivans arm. Nikita hasnt been in yet. After 9 minutes we FINALLY see Nikita after a poke to the eye. It took the Three Stooges attack to change momentum.
We hit a bearhug and Anderson is in big trouble. Its so strange to see Anderson as a face. I cant get used to that at all. Anderson gets close to the corner but Ivan runs in to drill him and break any momentum he has. Back to the bearhug and it looks like Nikita is nuzzling his neck. Over to Larson finally and Solie thinks hes the freshest guy in the match. Ladies and gentlemen the Dean of Professional Wrestling!
Small package gets two on Ivan. Big brawl breaks out and Nikita hits the Russian Sickle (running clothesline, his finisher) on Kernoodle who was in a neck brace and on a crutch. In the ring, Ivan hits Larson with the chain to get the pin. By far the longest match of the night so far at over 15 minutes, and also the best so far.
Rating: C. This wasnt a great match at all but it was thought out and wasnt a brawl. You hack three minutes off the start of this thing and its actually a pretty good match. The arm work went on FAR too long though and thats whats holding it back. That was 60% of the match. Also, why have the Russians win here if youre going to do the post match stuff which Im about to get to? Still though, this is a breath of air and its not even all that good.
Kernoodle saves his brother post match and moves around pretty well for a guy that was drilled by a clothesline and is too injured to stand up apparently.
TV Title: Tully Blanchard vs. Ricky Steamboat
Steamboat comes out to EYE OF THE TIGER, which would be used by Hulk Hogan for Mania and the War to Settle the Score in a few months. If Tully runs or is disqualified he loses the title. Ok, this HAS to be good based on pure talent alone. Oh and both guys have had to put up $10,000. That seems rather unfair to Blanchard as he has the title and his money up instead of just the money.
Steamboat has a bad back and bad ribs but its a big fight to start as theres an actual feud here. Steamboat gets a suplex from the apron and a chop to the head for two. Hes all fired up here. Blanchard gets in a shot to the ribs and hes in trouble already. Ricky uses the ropes to get up and some martial arts stuff gets him out of trouble. Steamboat hooks in a chinlock to get some rest.
Tully takes over with a belly to back suplex and to the back again, but Steamboat counters that and is back in control already. They circle each other for awhile as Steamboat is protecting the ribs and Tully keeps trying to get a shot in. Steamboat tries to say that Tully is stalling which could be considered running, meaning a new champion. More chops connect as Tully is in trouble.
Dropkick gets two as both guys are getting tired. Tullys head is busted open now and Steamboat knocks him almost to the floor. Blanchard gets a foreign object and as Steamboat is suplexing him back in he gets popped in the head with it but it only gets two. Thats how Savage beat Santana for the title about a year after this.
Tully goes for a top rope suplex but is thrown off and Steamboat gets a top rope splash for two. Steamboat gets a sunset flip and AMAZINGLY, with the referee right in front of him, Tully is able to pull the object out of his tights, drill Steamboat with it, and get it back in before the referee noticed. Bit of a stretch dont you think? Either way it gets the pin to retain the title.
Rating: B+. NOW THATS MORE LIKE IT! Excellent match here with only the ending holding it back from being a classic. Still though this is a great example of having two guys go out there and steal the show. Instead of being big fat dudes brawling, these two went out there and had a damn good wrestling match which was fast paced and competitive as hell. Good stuff and worth checking out if you have about 15 minutes to kill.
US Title: Billy Graham vs. Wahoo McDaniel
Graham, the former WWF Champion who I believe holds the record or at least held it for longest reign by a heel (I think JBL tied him but Im not sure) is doing a martial arts gimmick here so he comes out to Kung Fu Fighting, making him awesome. Wahoo is another big old fat guy that chops a lot. He was tough though and was a legit big name in the AFL, which merged with the NFL and more or less became the AFC.
Wahoo actually wins a Test of Strength which is a surprise. Wahoo is apparently going to have to rely on his speed and intellect. OH MAN hes screwed. He chops away in the corner but Graham hooks a full nelson with the fingers almost locked. And never mind as he gets to the top rope. Graham starts the martial arts stuff which doesnt get him very far. Graham sends him in and hits the ropes but Wahoo hits a CHOP for the pin. Yes, it was a chop to the chest and it got the pin. WOW.
Rating: D-. The match was boring for the FOUR MINUTES that it ran before it ended with a chop. What in the hell was the point to this at all??? We have forty minutes left in the show and one match left and the second biggest match on the show gets four damn minutes? Thats the best they can give us? WOW indeed.
And now its another intermission, this time ten minutes.
We talk to the judges for the main event: a Japanese wrestler, Kyle Petty (a NASCAR driver) and Joe Frazier, a former world boxing champion and the referee tonight. Nothing of note is said.
The announcers say lets go to the ring .and no were not as its still intermission.
After FAR less than ten minutes, its time to go to the ring. Ok never mind as Dustys music is playing but were going to stay on the announcers as Solie fills time and is clearly running out of things to say.
NWA World Title: Dusty Rhodes vs. Ric Flair
Flair has the title here and the winner is champion and gets a million dollars. Joe Frazier is the referee. Flairs entrance takes nearly 5 minutes. Its really hard to say if hes face or heel here. Hes wildly cheered but Dusty is allegedly the most popular wrestler in the world. Flair comes through the crowd for no apparent reason. Dusty is in purple and Flair is in pink. The 80s were a very different time.
WAY bigger pop for Flair than for Dusty during the official in ring introductions. Dustys ass is absolutely huge. Headlock by Dusty and Flair rubs his ass for no apparent reason. Dusty hammers away as were told that hes a great athlete. Thats hilarious indeed. Flairs kneedrop gets two with a rather fast count from Frazier. Not his fault though as he isnt very good at this yet.
A second knee misses and Dusty gets his own figure four on. It lasts about 40 seconds before a rope is grabbed. And its rest hold time as Dusty has gone nearly five minutes now. Things slow way down of course as is their custom. Dusty hammers away in the corner and Flair goes over the corner and out to the floor.
Old saggy tits gets a suplex over the ropes for two. An elbow takes Rhodes down and WOO! And so much for that as Flair goes up and I think you know whats coming now. Flair gets a sleeper but Dusty shoves him to the floor. Dusty goes out but gets shoved into the post and blades DEEP, right above the eye. Frazier considers stopping it but Flair hammers away even more. And then Frazier stops it. Yep its a bullshit ending at Starrcade. There would be two more in the next two years.
Rating: C-. The match wasnt very good at all as you would expect. These two had some incredible promos against each other but aside from that, the matches flat out sucked for the most part. The ending sucked here too as you cant even have a pinfall at the end of the biggest show of the year? Seriously? Way too short also at like 12 minutes.
We begin the parade of interviews as usual. Flair holds up the million dollar check and says that what the referee did wasnt his business as he was out there to get the title and the check. Again, a neutral stance from him here.
Dusty, with his head covered by a huge bandage, goes off on Frazier and says hes going to get him one day. Flair shouldnt call this a victory and this isnt over.
Highlight package takes us out.
Overall Rating: D-. Man this was bad. There is one good match out of 11 and in that the heel champion retained. That was the main issue here: the heels won way too much. The biggest win for a face was what? The US Title which was a damn joke of a match. Aside from that it was in the first hour of the show with the Brass Knuckles Title. Just a bad show overall and boring as hell. The Steamboat match is very good and thats all this has going for it. What a shock: Steamboat is the highlight. Avoid this one.
Date: November 22, 1984
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Attendance: 18,000
Commentators: Gordon Solie, Bob Caudle
This is back in the day of when Starrcade was the biggest show in the world as Mania hadnt been invented yet. This is almost a convention of the NWA rather than a major show for one company if that makes sense. The main event is Dusty vs. Flair for the title where if Flair wins he gets a million dollars. Other than that this is one of the most forgotten shows ever as I know next to nothing about it at all. Lets get to it.
We open with a clip of Flair winning the title last year. Apparently if Dusty wins he gets the title and the money. Flair, a THREE time champion here, is kind of getting shafted on this one isnt he?
We turn the lights out for awhile for no apparent reason.
Junior Heavyweight Title: Mike Davis vs. Denny Brown
Davis has the title and I dont know either of these guys. I think both of these guys are from Florida. Earl Hebner is the referee here. This is the equivalent of the Cruiserweight Title here. Davis is in blue apparently. OConnor Roll is blocked and Brown gets an armbar to control. We get a horrible looking fall through the ropes spots as Brown more or less stops short and has to jump out, making it look terrible.
Davis gets a small package for two. Browns back may be hurt off the fall to the floor. Cross body gets him out of trouble though and both guys are down for awhile. This is one of the least interesting matches I think Ive ever seen. Its not terrible I guess but damn man do SOMETHING to get my attention. Davis gets a belly to back into a bridge and Brown raises his shoulder in time to win the title. Wow indeed.
Rating: D+. WOW this was boring. If this was supposed to get the crowd going, they must have been in a coma beforehand. Even the ring announcer cant tell them apart as theyre so similar. This was like a match you would see between two guys training to be jobbers. Totally uninteresting and one of the weakest openers I can ever remember. Not a terrible match from a workrate perspective, but could not have been less interesting.
Tony is in the dressing room. He isnt talking to anyone or anything, but hes in the dressing room damnit!
Bryan Adidis vs. Mr. Ito
Ito is a random Japanese guy and Adidis is only known for hanging out in Texas with the Von Erichs. Ito is rather fat. Adidis tries to speed things up a bit and gets a few dropkicks. He hooks a long armbar. Ito throws some martial arts shots but walking into the eternally retro Airplane Spin .which gets a three count. HOW WAS THIS FOUR MINUTES LONG? It was almost half armbar!
Rating: F. Why in the holy mother of crap was this on Starrcade? Were almost 20 minutes into this and the blandest match of all time is BY FAR match of the night so far. Adidis never went anywhere and Ive never heard of Ito. Granted Ive never heard of Adidis either. This hasnt been a good start to the show at all.
The announcers actually break this down for over a minute. They were WAY more creative back then.
Florida Heavyweight Title: Jesse Barr vs. Mike Graham
Graham is good at least but outside of Florida he isnt that well known. He gets the biggest reaction of the night so far which isnt saying much to be fair. Barr is most famous as Jimmy Jack Funk in 80s WWF. Barr was apparently almost an Olympic wrestler but didnt go so here he is instead. They hit the mat almost immediately and were in a chinlock two minutes into the match.
Both have curly hair and are in blue. Could you make this any more difficult to figure out? The Florida Title was actually a fairly big deal as Florida was one of the biggest territories back in the day. Graham gets a knee lock on Barr but cant get the Figure Four. Test of Strength goes to Barr but Graham does the deadly foot tap to get back into this.
Graham gets an armbar as this is again technically fine but dude, it isnt going anywhere at all. Barr gets a headlock to kill some time. I mean he kills a LOT of time with it. Why are we getting a headlock ten minutes into a match? After maybe three minutes in it Graham gets a knee crusher to reverse and hooks the Figure Four. There goes the referee as Graham gets a small package. And never mind as Barr gets a rollup and puts his feet on the ropes to retain.
Rating: D+. Again its not a particularly bad match, but it wasnt interesting at all. Theres no story, no reason to care, the wrestling isnt anything special in the slightest, and all that adds up to a bit bunch of nothing. The whole lack of angles or anything like that or even heat on each other is killing everything on this show.
We get a clip from NWA TV where JJ Dillons guys plus Tully Blanchard hog tied Dick Slater and beat up Ricky Steamboat. HOKEY SMOKE ITS A STORY! Steamboat has put up $10,000 for a match vs. Blanchard tonight and is also getting a shot at the TV Title.
The Assassin/Buzz Tyler vs. Zambuie Express
The Express are shall we say ethnic guys in an African sense. Tyler dances a lot and Assassin is in a mask. This is under elimination rules for no apparent reason. Wait how can it be one fall if you need two falls to win? This place needs Scott Steiner to give it math lessons. You dont have to tag here and the big fat black guys are rushed out of the ring. Theyre all big and fat so I need to keep them separate.
The good guys want a piece of the Express manager, Paul Jones. That man may be as useless as any manager of all time. The camera keeps going to this annoying wide shot and its kind of odd to see. The heels beat on Tyler for awhile with the power of fat as the crowd is surprisingly into this one.
This is as big of a mess as Ive ever seen. The fat guys run into each other and Assassin gets the pin on Mohammed to get us down to two on one. Solid keeps saying Mohammed got counted out instead of pinned which is hard to get used to. Wait apparently one got counted out and the other pinned? Ok apparently its over. The fact that I couldnt tell that is not a good thing at all.
Rating: F+. Like I said, when you cant tell that the match is over, something is very wrong indeed. Assassin wanted to hurt Jones. Is it too hard to tell us WHY? They really had faith in their audience here which is something Ive never agreed with. Anyway this went nowhere and was so ridiculously sloppy and mess its unbelievable.
Dusty, looking to weigh about 400lbs, says that tonight we find out who the greatest is.
Brass Knuckles Title: Black Bart vs. Manny Fernandez
Fernandez is challenging here and comes out to Beat It by Michael Jackson which is indeed kind of awesome. Hes challenging here yet he comes out with the belt? The name is exactly what it implies: you can use brass knuckles in it. In essence, its hardcore. OH Fernandez is a tag champion. That makes more sense. Bart had Dillon with him and is a big fat Texas dude.
They start by slugging it out as the announcers try to push this as legit almost which is rather amusing. More or less this is a big slugout. Fernandezs head is busted open a bit. Almost all striking so far which is kind of weird to see. We hit the floor as Manny doesnt get disqualified for throwing Bart over.
Low blow gets Bart out of trouble. This isnt going anywhere at all. All this has been is a big long brawl and not a particularly good one at that. Hey heres an overhead shot for no apparent reason. Since Bart is from Texas he has a bullrope because everyone is a cowboy and everyone wants to be a cowboy right? He gets rolled up for the pin anyway.
Rating: D. Again, WHY WAS THIS MATCH HAPPENING??? I get that theyre having a title match but this was completely dull. It was a physical brawl, but there were no brass knuckles, there was NOTHING but striking until the ending, and the thing was a big mess as it was more or less the same thing for seven and a half minutes and then 5 seconds of a different move. Bad again as this first hour has SUCKED.
Its a seven minute intermission, which is nothing but interviews and highlights from last year.
We begin with Flair winning the title from Race last year. Its just that: the end of the match.
Bob and Gordon talk about the title match.
Steamboat is with Tony and talks about how this has been built up for a long time and his back is pretty messed up at the moment. He talks for like three minutes but doesnt get boring for the most part.
The announcers talk forever about the TV Title match.
Tony talks to Tully and Dillon. Dillon says that Steamboat is trying to smear the good name of Tully. Cant beat a simple heel concept like that. Tully talks about how the lack of a time limit doesnt matter. If he gets disqualified or stalls too much he loses the title as well. Damn how stacked are they making it here? NO WAY he retains right? Yeah keep telling yourself that.
The announcers talk about it some more. Then they talk about the upcoming matches. This show is getting ridiculously stupid quickly.
Paul Jones vs. Jimmy Valiant
This feud would still be going on two years later and it still sucked then. This is a tuxedo street fight. Valiant is ridiculously popular and has an Assassin with him from earlier. Its a bra and panties match but with penises involved. Oh and the loser leaves town. I think I know what this is leading to.
Make this quick please. For the sake of my sanity if nothing else. Valiant, ever the nice guy, grabs a rope from somewhere and ties it around the neck of Jones and around the top rope. Valiant takes off his own jacket and the beating is on. And then as I was completely helpless he slowly began to disrobe me. Piece by piece he continued his control over me, and I began to tremble. Here I was at the mercy of a man from whom I knew I would get receive none at all. It was the most erotic moment of my life.
Jones is in his underwear and for some reason its not over yet. They brawl a bit with Jones all busted up nice and solid. Valiant puts on a sleeper until the Express dude breaks it up. Assassin gets in but so does Dillon with a shoe to drill Valiant .and Jones pins him? THEN WHAT THE HELL WAS THE FUCKING POINT IN RIPPING CLOTHES OFF??? What the fuck am I watching???
Rating: F. As in fucking hell what were the bookers on when they made this show??? This was ridiculous and bad as it was a manager beating a wrestler in a tuxedo match where the tuxedos meant nothing at all??? MAKE FUCKING SENSE DUDE!!!
Tony talks to Flair who says nothing incredibly special. I think he was heel here but he didnt come off as one at all.
Mid-Atlantic Title: Ron Bass vs. Dick Slater
This is kind of like the incredibly inbred semi-aborted and all scarred up grandfather of the WCW Title. The real father is the NWA Title but this is like the drunk cousin for lack of a better term. Dillon is managing Bass since hes managing everyone apparently. Slater goes after said manager almost immediately and only Bass is left in the ring.
Slater was a guy I never could get into for the most part. Bass is a cowboy of course. Both guys say bring it and then the other guy says no you bring it, making this rather boring. Finally were going with a headlock. This, much like the rest of the stuff on this card and from this era, takes a bit to get used to. Thats a kind way of saying its not that good.
The previous years show was great because there were points to a lot of the matches as well as a high quality to them. Here there hasnt been much of either of those things and thats definitely a bad thing indeed as its making this a chore to sit through. Theyre moving a bit better out here this time though which helps a good bit.
Its another brawl which isnt really getting us anywhere as weve seen half a dozen of them so far tonight. Bass is controlling for the most part here until Slater makes a quick comeback. Dillon comes in but is drilled by Slater. The problem is that Slater also hit the referee for the CHEAP DQ.
Rating: C-. This again wasnt much at all but is the match of the night so far by a mile. It probably should be rated lower but Im trying to take pity on this show which is kind of sad when you think about it. Slater was popular here but would fade into obscurity other than a random WCW Tag Title reign in about eleven years. This was barely watchable but like I said theres an energy at least which helps a bit.
And now .the National Anthem? Why is this happening now? I have no idea but it does anyway and at a very slow pace.
Ivan Koloff/Nikita Koloff vs. Ole Anderson/Keith Larson
This is a big grudge match for reasons that I guess were supposed to know. Is it really that hard to say everyone remembers that night in Atlanta a few months ago where Larsons brother was taken out by the Russians (the Atlanta and the time frame are made up but thats the story here). Was there a law against saying a city in Minnesota? Its always from the state of Minnesota. Don Kernoodle, Larsons injured brother, is in the good guys corner.
They go right after the Koloffs and the fight is on early. Lots of fast tags have Ivans arm in trouble early on. Ok apparently it was Ivan that was Kernoodles parter and turned on him. Larson took up the mantle of his brother and is fighting for his honor, having picked Anderson as his partner right? Naturally thats backwards as Anderson had a match with them and picked Larson. Its like a bad sitcom plot.
All Anderson/Larson for the first five minutes or so here. Ivan is all old and Nikita is the young and unstoppable monster. Anderson channels his inner Marciano by punching away at the arm. Its been ALL arm work here. I mean literally, weve been at it for 8 minutes here and at least 7 of that has been them working on Ivans arm. Nikita hasnt been in yet. After 9 minutes we FINALLY see Nikita after a poke to the eye. It took the Three Stooges attack to change momentum.
We hit a bearhug and Anderson is in big trouble. Its so strange to see Anderson as a face. I cant get used to that at all. Anderson gets close to the corner but Ivan runs in to drill him and break any momentum he has. Back to the bearhug and it looks like Nikita is nuzzling his neck. Over to Larson finally and Solie thinks hes the freshest guy in the match. Ladies and gentlemen the Dean of Professional Wrestling!
Small package gets two on Ivan. Big brawl breaks out and Nikita hits the Russian Sickle (running clothesline, his finisher) on Kernoodle who was in a neck brace and on a crutch. In the ring, Ivan hits Larson with the chain to get the pin. By far the longest match of the night so far at over 15 minutes, and also the best so far.
Rating: C. This wasnt a great match at all but it was thought out and wasnt a brawl. You hack three minutes off the start of this thing and its actually a pretty good match. The arm work went on FAR too long though and thats whats holding it back. That was 60% of the match. Also, why have the Russians win here if youre going to do the post match stuff which Im about to get to? Still though, this is a breath of air and its not even all that good.
Kernoodle saves his brother post match and moves around pretty well for a guy that was drilled by a clothesline and is too injured to stand up apparently.
TV Title: Tully Blanchard vs. Ricky Steamboat
Steamboat comes out to EYE OF THE TIGER, which would be used by Hulk Hogan for Mania and the War to Settle the Score in a few months. If Tully runs or is disqualified he loses the title. Ok, this HAS to be good based on pure talent alone. Oh and both guys have had to put up $10,000. That seems rather unfair to Blanchard as he has the title and his money up instead of just the money.
Steamboat has a bad back and bad ribs but its a big fight to start as theres an actual feud here. Steamboat gets a suplex from the apron and a chop to the head for two. Hes all fired up here. Blanchard gets in a shot to the ribs and hes in trouble already. Ricky uses the ropes to get up and some martial arts stuff gets him out of trouble. Steamboat hooks in a chinlock to get some rest.
Tully takes over with a belly to back suplex and to the back again, but Steamboat counters that and is back in control already. They circle each other for awhile as Steamboat is protecting the ribs and Tully keeps trying to get a shot in. Steamboat tries to say that Tully is stalling which could be considered running, meaning a new champion. More chops connect as Tully is in trouble.
Dropkick gets two as both guys are getting tired. Tullys head is busted open now and Steamboat knocks him almost to the floor. Blanchard gets a foreign object and as Steamboat is suplexing him back in he gets popped in the head with it but it only gets two. Thats how Savage beat Santana for the title about a year after this.
Tully goes for a top rope suplex but is thrown off and Steamboat gets a top rope splash for two. Steamboat gets a sunset flip and AMAZINGLY, with the referee right in front of him, Tully is able to pull the object out of his tights, drill Steamboat with it, and get it back in before the referee noticed. Bit of a stretch dont you think? Either way it gets the pin to retain the title.
Rating: B+. NOW THATS MORE LIKE IT! Excellent match here with only the ending holding it back from being a classic. Still though this is a great example of having two guys go out there and steal the show. Instead of being big fat dudes brawling, these two went out there and had a damn good wrestling match which was fast paced and competitive as hell. Good stuff and worth checking out if you have about 15 minutes to kill.
US Title: Billy Graham vs. Wahoo McDaniel
Graham, the former WWF Champion who I believe holds the record or at least held it for longest reign by a heel (I think JBL tied him but Im not sure) is doing a martial arts gimmick here so he comes out to Kung Fu Fighting, making him awesome. Wahoo is another big old fat guy that chops a lot. He was tough though and was a legit big name in the AFL, which merged with the NFL and more or less became the AFC.
Wahoo actually wins a Test of Strength which is a surprise. Wahoo is apparently going to have to rely on his speed and intellect. OH MAN hes screwed. He chops away in the corner but Graham hooks a full nelson with the fingers almost locked. And never mind as he gets to the top rope. Graham starts the martial arts stuff which doesnt get him very far. Graham sends him in and hits the ropes but Wahoo hits a CHOP for the pin. Yes, it was a chop to the chest and it got the pin. WOW.
Rating: D-. The match was boring for the FOUR MINUTES that it ran before it ended with a chop. What in the hell was the point to this at all??? We have forty minutes left in the show and one match left and the second biggest match on the show gets four damn minutes? Thats the best they can give us? WOW indeed.
And now its another intermission, this time ten minutes.
We talk to the judges for the main event: a Japanese wrestler, Kyle Petty (a NASCAR driver) and Joe Frazier, a former world boxing champion and the referee tonight. Nothing of note is said.
The announcers say lets go to the ring .and no were not as its still intermission.
After FAR less than ten minutes, its time to go to the ring. Ok never mind as Dustys music is playing but were going to stay on the announcers as Solie fills time and is clearly running out of things to say.
NWA World Title: Dusty Rhodes vs. Ric Flair
Flair has the title here and the winner is champion and gets a million dollars. Joe Frazier is the referee. Flairs entrance takes nearly 5 minutes. Its really hard to say if hes face or heel here. Hes wildly cheered but Dusty is allegedly the most popular wrestler in the world. Flair comes through the crowd for no apparent reason. Dusty is in purple and Flair is in pink. The 80s were a very different time.
WAY bigger pop for Flair than for Dusty during the official in ring introductions. Dustys ass is absolutely huge. Headlock by Dusty and Flair rubs his ass for no apparent reason. Dusty hammers away as were told that hes a great athlete. Thats hilarious indeed. Flairs kneedrop gets two with a rather fast count from Frazier. Not his fault though as he isnt very good at this yet.
A second knee misses and Dusty gets his own figure four on. It lasts about 40 seconds before a rope is grabbed. And its rest hold time as Dusty has gone nearly five minutes now. Things slow way down of course as is their custom. Dusty hammers away in the corner and Flair goes over the corner and out to the floor.
Old saggy tits gets a suplex over the ropes for two. An elbow takes Rhodes down and WOO! And so much for that as Flair goes up and I think you know whats coming now. Flair gets a sleeper but Dusty shoves him to the floor. Dusty goes out but gets shoved into the post and blades DEEP, right above the eye. Frazier considers stopping it but Flair hammers away even more. And then Frazier stops it. Yep its a bullshit ending at Starrcade. There would be two more in the next two years.
Rating: C-. The match wasnt very good at all as you would expect. These two had some incredible promos against each other but aside from that, the matches flat out sucked for the most part. The ending sucked here too as you cant even have a pinfall at the end of the biggest show of the year? Seriously? Way too short also at like 12 minutes.
We begin the parade of interviews as usual. Flair holds up the million dollar check and says that what the referee did wasnt his business as he was out there to get the title and the check. Again, a neutral stance from him here.
Dusty, with his head covered by a huge bandage, goes off on Frazier and says hes going to get him one day. Flair shouldnt call this a victory and this isnt over.
Highlight package takes us out.
Overall Rating: D-. Man this was bad. There is one good match out of 11 and in that the heel champion retained. That was the main issue here: the heels won way too much. The biggest win for a face was what? The US Title which was a damn joke of a match. Aside from that it was in the first hour of the show with the Brass Knuckles Title. Just a bad show overall and boring as hell. The Steamboat match is very good and thats all this has going for it. What a shock: Steamboat is the highlight. Avoid this one.